* So, I have been slacking in my upload rates for the past weeks, so I apologise. I think it's because my friends got me into the Avatar series and I'm crying because I'm an addict. Anyway, here is my newest update right before Chinese New Year (unless you're in China in which case Happy Late Chinese New Year!)

They were four weeks into January, and it was almost February, and Clara felt as though she had to be cautious around everything. She had noticed that Harry was avoiding her, which she couldn't blame him for. She had left him and run off with John. Clara nearly smacked herself for doing so. However, after her talk with John, she had realised something… She was not going to deny the fact that yes, she had taken a fancy to Harry, but now she felt all that flush away. He was only a few inches taller than her, and Clara always got the feeling when she looked at him now that there was also a ghost there that was a little less than a foot taller than her. Like a little shadow to remind Clara that no matter how hard she tried, Harry Potter was not the one for her. At least she wouldn't have to worry about Ginny.

Clara had not told her ginger friend of what John and she theorised, they would sound mental.

"Hey, friend? You know how we've been through a lot together? Well, turns out this whole world seems to actually be inherently wrong and every time I look at you, all I see is somebody I barely even know."

Part of Clara wanted to tell Ginny, but how would that pass? Ginny had literally been possessed by Voldemort, and if she thought that Clara or John had some weird thoughts running through their heads…

She shook herself and tried to concentrate on her homework. Clara hadn't spoken too much with John, either. He seemed to be in the library more often than Hermione and was starting to look severely dishevelled. She wouldn't be surprised if he walked out his dorm with his pants on his head.

Clara caught a glimpse of a Daily Prophet segments with moving pictures that were highly distracting. The news that had been circulating for weeks now, was still hitting the press. Clara did know how that reporter Rita Skeeter had gotten the hold on any information about Hagrid, for he seemed to live off the grid. Clara missed Hagrid's teaching, he was fun, though she could not deny the fact that she definitely learned more with Professor Grubbly-Plank.

It was John, though who was more affected by Hagrid's dismissal.

"I mean, getting rid of Hagrid because of his race–"

"He's part-giant!" Ron pointed out.

"It's the 21st century and obviously Dumbledore trusts him!"

"It's the 20th century, John," Hermione had said irritably.

John paid no heed and continued to rant. "This is so inexplicably–"

"Racist?" Clara offered, stretching the word for effect.

"Yes!"

It was then that they were interrupted when Harry walked into the room, with his golden egg in hand and hair wet.

Ron raised his eyebrows. "You left for a bath at 8… it's now almost 11."

"I had some issues," he clutched his egg tighter. "I ran into Snape and Moody on my way back here."

Ron and Hermione lost all interest in John's rant and listened to what Harry had to say. John didn't notice the lack of attention.

Clara snapped herself back to the present and decided that her work was less important than much-needed sleep. She got all her things together, and went to her dorm, got into her pyjamas and tucked herself in. She was the only one in bed at the moment.

She stared at the ceiling, at recited Marcus Aurelius quotes in her head to try to get her to sleep. Later finding that although she was tired, sleep was a difficult thing to come by. She recited some songs in her head, like Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Dancing Queen, and Wildest Dreams. Clara couldn't quite remember the words to the last one, but she knew the melody and the fact that it had come out in 1989… No, Clara tapped her chin as she struggled to remember the words and date. Deciding that she was stressing over nothing, Clara though that maybe counting sheep would be a good idea.

… 1

… 2

… 3

… 4

… 5

… 10

… 35

… 77

… 18

… 349

Blackness succumbed her, and for the first time in ages, Clara felt as though she had had a good night's rest. Lately, nightmares were filling her dreams. Montages of horrible monsters, flashing lights, screaming and yelling filled her head. Tonight, tonight was silent. And although that was somewhat reassuring, Clara again felt that throbbing ache of not knowing.

To not know was a feeling Clara couldn't describe. They always said knowledge is power, but Clara couldn't trust anything as being fact or not. Alternative facts were basically what her life was made up of at the moment…

But the morning was here, and Clara forced herself to leave the sanctuary of her bed early. Clara felt a warm dampness on her neck and forehead. Sweat. Perhaps she did have a nightmare, and she just forgot. That happens all the time, with regular people.

Clara decided to wash her face in the bathroom, and brush her teeth, getting ready for class today. Her muscles were lame in the morning, and she dribbled toothpaste all over her chin. She wiped the toothpaste off with a towel and put her toothbrush in a glass cup. She tilted her head up so that she could see herself better.

But her reflection wasn't her. In a surprise, Clara knocked the cup down, sending glass to the ground. Clara thanked the stars she wore slippers, but the mess was outstanding. She probably woke her dorm mates, too.

Biting her lip, Clara avoided the mirror and jumped over the shattered glass to try to get her wand, next to her bed. She would have to walk through the whole dorm. Quietly slipping her way through the dorm, Clara retrieved her wand and was able to clean the mess. She avoided the mirror.

"Do you need help?" a voice asked, Clara jumped.

"Nah, I'm good," Clara said to Ginny, who stood by the doorway with a smirk on her face.

"Really? Because that gigantic mess on the ground from just a few seconds ago would say otherwise."

Clara crossed her arms. "I just knocked my stuff down, no big deal."

"And woke up like, half the dorm!"

"Well, glass falling to a hard floor does tend to be pretty loud."

Ginny's smile faded. "No, I mean–," she paused, "Clara, are you alright?"

"Er… yeah? Why?"

"You were talking in your sleep, and, I don't think any of the other girls heard you but," she stopped to choose her words carefully.

"But what?"

Ginny sighed. "Are you really over last year's incident with the Dementors? I mean, that's pretty traumatic. You were hospitalized–"

"I'm absolutely fine!" Clara snapped. She caught Ginny's gaze and lowered her voice, "And just because I talk in my sleep doesn't mean that I am suffering from anything!"

"You sound defensive," Ginny noted.

"Yeah, because I have a right to defend myself from false accusations!"

Ginny shook her head, defeated. "Look, all I'm asking is if you're okay."

"Why? What could I have possibly said to worry you?"

"Remember when you taught me some Muggle words?"

Clara raised her eyes in confusion, "Yes…"

"You kept saying the word 'Doctor' over and over… And I thought that maybe it was because you needed a healer–"

"That was a shit deduction, and you are not Sherlock Holmes," Clara spat back, wincing slightly at her own words.

Ginny put her hands on her hips. "Okay, calm the attitude. I have no idea what you just said, first of all. Also, I'm, trying to be a good friend! Unlike you, who have ignored me for a month! I don't really care if you're seeing Harry–"

A feeling of disgust rose in Clara's throat, "Why would I be seeing Harry?"

"Do I look like an idiot?" Ginny hissed. "I see the glances between you two!"

"We're friends!"

"Yeah, so are we! So why is it that you can't tell me what is going on?"

"Because I don't know!" Clara yelled.

"We'll figure it out because all I have tried to do is be your friend. So just, talk to me."

Clara hadn't even realised the blurry vision that was starting in her eyes from all the rage. "I don't–" she started, "I don't understand why it is that I can only speak what I have in my head when I'm angry. I'm just so– so frustrated."

"With what?" Ginny said harshly, but now quieter.

"With everything. You know, first Harry almost kissed me on Christmas–"

"Wait, what?"

"– But it all seems so wrong? Just that gut feeling in my stomach of looking at everything, at you," Clara suppressed the threatening tears. "You are the best friend anybody could have asked for," Clara said finally, "And I don't deserve you. And I have been such a bitch."

"Don't say that," Ginny said, taking a tentative step toward her. Then another, and another so that soon she wrapped her arms around Clara, hugging her warmly. "I am owed an apology."

"Sorry," Clara said quietly into her friend's hair which smelled quite nice…

"Well," Ginny said, "Now that we have got that out of our systems…"

Clara nodded. "I think I'm ready to get ready for school today."

Ginny dropped her arms and wrinkled her nose. "I almost forgot. Well, from almost killing each other to Potions class."

"We did not almost kill each other!"

"Look in the mirror, you look insane."

Clara turned, and again, rather than seeing herself saw somebody different. She stumbled back.

"What?" asked Ginny, worried.

"Nothing," said Clara in hopes of ensuring her friend didn't send her to a mental hospital. "Just, I look awful."

Ginny patted Clara's head. "Yep, you do."

"You're supposed to comfort me!" Clara complained.

"Um, no. Since you yelled at me for like five minutes straight, you are not getting any consolement today."

Clara followed Ginny out of the bathrooms. Ginny frowned.

"What?" asked Clara.

"Oh, the rest of the girls are probably going to spread gossip about us all day today."

Clara swore under her breath quietly.