Thanks to Dixie. F. 9 and guest for reviewing.

Guest reviewer May the thirteenth, review was posted only seconds before I was putting this chapter up so I'm adding it now…
Yes, sticking around and intrigued. I'm also trying to guess how Ryan would get several pretty big books like Harry Potter back to the Cohens' house unless he had a backpack. He needs his arms for crutches.
I saw the notes before where another guest reviewed about Kirsten definitely not being close to Ryan going beyond the first few days, weeks, months and even years. I have to agree. I also remember when she told he about how he was her worst nightmare. She told him during the final year of the show, but she meant that when he came, that was her impression. She just kept boundaries and even when Ryan was hurt and in the hospital, she was very standoffish, more concerned about other people's children who didn't live in her house. Things like that and some of her conversations with Sandy, or how she didn't defend Ryan to people insulting or hurting him in other ways in public make it easier to see her a certain way.
I don't know what changed in Seth's eyes for a minute that you mentioned, but I guess that's for you to know. I was surprised that Ryan had any kind of tie to the kid from the hospital. I didn't get that idea, more that Ryan was on his own, but I'll check it closer
I do really feel for Ryan and all that he carries with him from long before Thailand on top of after. His life was always horrible and now he's a different kind of burden, depending on strangers, only having some kind of relationship with Sandy. A kid can never tell what's going on completely, only what he's told. In Ryan's case, he has to almost assume the worst because the worst has always happened and easily could. He's in a very precarious situation with no control.
Thanks again for the chapter

Answer from Linneagb: The explanation to that first is quite simple- Seth carried it, he had one bag with the comic and the books, and another with the food. It was going to be mentioned but I guess I missed it.
There will be a line quite inspired by one in the series from Kirsten in the next chapter. I'll write in the A/n which line it is and if you're a big fan of the show you might even notice it yourself.
Seth has probably got a lot spinning in his mind right now. He wants everything to go well, but he can't go to school because people think Marissa's death was his fault, Caleb has gone back to the asshole he always was. But this isn't what it always was. Far from it. And he also wants to be friends with Ryan, both for his own sake and Ryan's. But gets jealous when Sandy's spending most of his time with or for Ryan- who wouldn't be jealous?
Ryan and Clark spent several days together in one single room, they're two boys of the same age. Why wouldn't they keep in contact? Ryan also doesn't have a lot of friends and barely knows anyone where he is, and only a few in Chino. It's not like they're constantly going back and forth to each other's. It's just texts and maybe a game night at some point.
Agreed, poor Ryan. I can't believe I'm putting him through all of this… I can't believe I had the idea of putting him through this, what's wrong with me?
Thanks for your review.

This chapter is told from Ryan's point of view

"I guess I'll just stay in the pool house then."

I and Seth had bought pancakes from the pier restaurant to take with us home. Seth had mumbled something that we should go home because I was tired and my hands were hurting. But he'd never mentioned anything at all of that before, I was fine. And I could also see the people- about our age who sat by the tables in the furthest back of the restaurant was someone Seth Ezekiel Cohen didn't want to meet.

After everything, when I and Seth made our way through the hallway and into the kitchen I could easily have heard Sandy and Kirsten's voices fighting… well, more having a discussion… about me!

"Ryan? Wait."

I ignored Sandy calling out for me.

One voice in my head told me that if I didn't obey I was soon being kicked out of this house for than anything. Then the other voice in mmy head told that if they wanted to after all of this, this wouldn't make any sense.

And a third voice wished that I could just for a second have two legs again so I could run away from this a little faster.

Someone must have said or done something not to follow me, because it was silent behind me while I made myself out of the kitchen and over to the pool house, then threw the door so hard behind me I could just as well have crashed the glass in it.

I threw the crutches on the floor and myself on the bed. On my back I hit with my fists towards the bed, and if it wasn't for the risk of anyone hearing me I would have shouted wordlessly on the top of my lungs.

Instead I hit my fists as hard as I could and threw myself back and forth towards the sheets, stopping by the pain in what was leg of my leg and panting as if I had run a marathon.

And then, just as my breathing had gone back to normal there was a knock on the door.

"Yeah?"

I would have expected it to be Sandy, my heart beat hard when the thought of that it might be Sandy or Kirsten having found another place for me. Somewhere else for me to stay, maybe it would be my dad's.

"You forgot the food… Do you want me to take it in here? Or I could just leave."

I breathed out when it was only Seth who held a paper bag with him.

I only chose for two seconds before I rose on my elbows, then sat up and showed Seth to sit next to me. Actually there wasn't much else to do, it was that or sit on the floor.

Seth put the bag on the bed and then pulled over the glass bedside table to right in front of where I could sit. When he sat down on the other side he lifted the paper bag up and started picking up the food we had bought.

"So… well… you didn't know and I was… longing to go back home. So I got us three of my favorites. You told me you hadn't tried so I guess it's time. We can try the milkshakes some other time, but we couldn't get them all the way home now without the ice cream melting and then they're not as good. Of course… the occasional Sprite for you and Cola for me and then fresh orange juice for us both. And then… classic pancakes, bacon waffles and blueberry pancakes. They may not sound good but they are to die for…"

I opened the drink cans for us both, Seth only having one hand to do it made it a bit hard, he gave a nod in thanks before the began on his waffle and I on my pancake.

It would maybe have seemed weird to anybody else. But to just sit there and talk about food and how we liked pancakes and waffles felt good and random. And even had me forgetting about everything else for just a second."

"Wow." I laid my hand with a deep breath when the last piece of bacon waffle was gone. "That was really good, thanks for this Seth. It was awesome and these were great. I can't wait to try the rest someday. But as for now. Even if we had more I wouldn't be able to get a piece more down."

"I would. I can always eat more… It's a shame we didn't get any dessert."

I just moaned with a laugh, lighter than what it had been in weeks. But it was then the thought struck me of what I had heard in Sandy and Kirsten's discussion before and sighed.

I leaned back towards the headboard of the bed and watched Seth as he collected all the trash from what we had just eaten.

"Dishing is fast today." He threw it all into the paper bag and then started digging in his pocket for I didn't know what. "I wonder if dad knows how much money he gave us." Seth pulled up the rest of the money he'd been given on the bed in between us. "Those Harry Potter books aren't cheap, neither my comic. And food and we still have got…" Seth counted. "…Sixty-four dollars left. That's thirty two for each of us."

"Shouldn't we just give him his money back."

"He won't mind. And neither you nor I have got any money of our own." Seth smirked mischievously. "He won't mind."

While I watched the dark- haired boy in front of me count the coins and bills in between us I zoned away. Was Seth Cohen actually aware of all luck he lived in the middle of. Had he had to run and hide for his parents not to catch and hit the living crap out of him? Had Sandy had to twisted and turned every dime to check if he could buy cigarettes? Had Kirsten walked into a store and secretly pushed bottles of wine and beer down her pockets? Had she gotten caught doing it?

Had any one of these people been into a prison? Or Juvie? Or even a police station?

Did they even know how lucky they were?

"Hello- oh." Seth's voice finally pushed its way through my thoughts. "Earth to Ryan."

I shook my head and forced the thoughts away.

Did I even know how lucky I was that had gotten away from misery as easily as I had?

"Well. Here's your money." Seth pushed the cash over the quilt and towards me. "And… Ryan…. Don't let it get to you what mum says. She's just… we're all going through so much… she just needs time to get used to things…"

How much time was I supposed to give her?

"And… ehrm… I guess I can come back and get the trash…" Seth tired and glanced at the trash that laid on the bedside table. "Gosh, I'm so sick and tired of this cast."

If only he'd know how lucky he was he still have the limp to put in that cast.

It's been three hours since you last answered a text man. Where are you? I didn't say anything to hurt you did I?

I sighed, the ever well- meaning who Clark was. And still, having spent all those hours in the same room as him I knew he was so afraid of anyone at all being mad at him, too careful, easy like a glass figure to break. And then of course, all of that would fade when his sister was around, was Celia there he could have ripped anyone to pieces if they hurt her.

It was strange that one day you could know someone, barely at all and maybe not stand it each other like I and Clark hadn't at the first few days. Now he was worried if I didn't answer a text for a couple of hours I was mad at him.

Nothing wrong, been out and had lunch. Back on my phone now.

"Ryan?" I flinched when I heard Seth's voice and the pool house door opening as he came in. "Don't worry too much about what mum's saying… It's if dad didn't like you you'd be in trouble… But they're just… special…" My phone buzzed again with another text. "Who is it you're talking to?"

"Clark… The boy I first shared a hospital room with."

"Oh… yeah."

Seth's eyes seemed dark, but only for a second before he shrugged slightly and collected all the rest of the trash from what we'd eaten and then left without another word.

Nope! Seth really didn't get how lucky he was.

Iuinon7tuyggui

Sorry, Celia got my phone. Decided to keep it like that.

I sighed at what Clark had written. There was that thing about families…

"Ryan?"

Already before I looked up and saw Sandy I recognized his voice.

"Yep."

"Can I sit down?" Sandy made a gesture down towards the point of the bed that Ryan had just stood up from. I pulled myself up towards the headboard and Sandy came to sit down. "You weren't meant to hear… that. It could take me hours and hours to come up with an answer. But I can promise you, that whatever happens, if you, for one reason or another can't stay here I'll help you with something else. And I won't stop searching until I find you somewhere at least as good as here. And, wherever you go, living there, somewhere else. Or with your parents and your brother- you can always trust and come to us if you need anything. Anyway… I'd tell you more but… I think that's all I could say for now."

Sandy patted my knee while I nodded slowly and looked into the wall. Then, for another few seconds I just investigated what was in this house.

"Kirsten was going to find kitchen wear for the pool house…" Sandy said, possibly to light the tension up a bit. "…But obviously couldn't find the exact right ones… You're welcome to stay here or come into the house at any moment you'd like… Oh, and by the way… I was told that bandage on your leg needed changing. Do you want me to…"

"I can do it myself, don't worry."

I really wasn't planning to have to need help from any of them

As it turned out, avoiding Kirsten wasn't as hard as I thought. Because she seemed to be avoiding me too and we were only in the same room on meals. The rest of the time I spent reading Harry Potter, sleeping and changing the bandages on my leg, and of course playing video games, both by myself and pushing the correct buttons while Seth hold onto it.

I was as far away in the games as ever when Sandy and Seth came into the living room, early afternoon on Monday.

"I and Seth are going for some errands. Do you want to come?"

For just a couple of seconds I was choosing back and forth, then before I had Seth spoke up.

"Dad. He's in the middle of the game. If he stops now he'll have to start over from the start again."

Well… he was right!

"Well then… Do you agree?" I nodded without taking my vision from the TV screen. "Come on then son. We'll see you in a while. Kirsten's still around if you need anything."

I didn't answer at all, the first reason being that I didn't want to lose the game and the other being that I wouldn't know what to say to Kirsten more what I had known the last forty- eight hours.

Somewhere in the back of my concentration I heard Sandy and Seth leaving. Most of my concentration was on the TV screen and how I could prevent my werewolf from dying under my watch.

"Ryan?"

At the moment I heard my name I lost my concentration and "game over" read over the screen. And really? The first time in days Kirsten spoke to me…

"Yes…"

I more or less expected her to say she wanted to throw me out, and the Latina woman standing right by her must be a social worker.

"This is Ryan who lives with us, Ryan this is Rosa who's come to help us with some work around the house. Listen… don't come around on Wednesday. We can go through your hours but Wednesday…" Suddenly the doorbell rang through the house. "Wait a minute?"

Kirsten hurried towards the door, and as if I could have protected her against anything, I sent Rosa one look before I slowly made my way after Kirsten as I heard her mumbling to herself before she opened.

"Gosh if you're selling anything… yes?"

"Hi!"

I froze for one second when I recognized the voice as my dad's. And then, with a lump in my throat and barely able to breathe I made my way to the hallway as fast as I could.

"Who are you?"

Kirsten, just as well as I had been a minute ago seemed frozen when I turned up next to her.

"Oh. Ryan! And you must be Stephen's wife Christie?"

I didn't even care to correct him- he wouldn't care to remember anyway. Even if he did he'd say the wrong on purpose only to be annoying.

"What do you want?"

"What's the rush Ryan? Ry… ry… Hrm… Ryan." Dad held a bottle in his hand and was swaying where he stood. "I'm going to have a very important with Christie… You see…. If I heard things right- my youngest son lives her now. Am I right?"

"Yes."

I didn't wait for Kirsten to answer- I just wanted for dad to leave before he'd made himself famous to Kirsten and Seth too. And prayed to whatever higher power that Seth and Sandy wouldn't be back here until my dad had left.

"Shut up son!" He shouted hoarsely and took another sip from his bottle. "I have to talk to Christie… and she's beautiful if I say it myself… But that's not the reason I'm here. My reason to be here is… is… can't Ryan stay here?"

Dad took another sip from his bottle, then took a look at the bottle, surprised it was empty and threw it into the flower pot next to the porch.

"I'm wondering if Ryan can stay here." He burped, loudly and straight into Kirsten's face. "Because It's been… it's been almost a month since you know what. And the other day I was at a friend's and could use his computer. And I checked the news and everything and oh my God. All of that destruction. All of those people… and not in one single of those people I saw my wife or my older son. And you saw it for real… Oh boy, do I feel sorry for you?"

Sure he didn't. Dad never felt sorry for anyone but himself.

I had seen my dad like this before, I wasn't in the least surprised when dad stumbled down the porch, mordaciously without falling on his face. Bent over the flower pots next to him and threw up into them.

Well… not surprised, but very embarrassed.

Dad coughed and dry heaved a couple of times, Kirsten took a step forward, maybe to ask if he wanted a tissue or something. But I held my arm out gently to stop her.

At last dad wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and rose and turned towards us two again.

What he said next didn't surprise me one bit.

"You see, I don't want anything to do with this cripple kid. Okay?"

But it did have me think wherever on earth I was supposed to go next if mum or Trey weren't to come back and Kirsten didn't want me around here.

Dad stumbled back and forth while talking and I could almost count down from three from when he was standing right in front of us to when he fell and rolled down the steps.

Kirsten moved a step towards him but I held my arm out and gently stopped her. Dad was already, hardly getting on his feet and stumbling in the same way.

"I don't want anything to do with him." He laughed. "The faster I don't. The far away I am… I never want to see him again. And the day I know I don't will be the best day of my life…"

"Should I call you a cab or something?"

At last Kirsten's voice was heard. And once again, dad looked at her as if she was the prettiest thing he'd ever seen but not being able to point out where she was in dizziness.

"Cab? No. I don't need a cab. And I don't need him…" He pointed with a shaky arm towards him. "Do you get me?" He turned to me. "I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. AM I SAYING IT LOUD ENOUGH? NEVER EVER…"

He turned around finally and walked unsteadily down the porch and into the road while half singing and half shouting. It felt like a year before it, but at last he'd turned the corner and I couldn't see him anymore.

Now, if there was anything that would set Kirsten off with throwing me out of her house it was probably done.

In the corner of my eye I could see Kirsten move at last and her head turning towards me, I turned my head too until at last we were just standing looking at each other.

"I'm going inside now." She said at last, within the second before she continued I expected her to want me to get lost, far away. "Are you coming?"

It was when I jumped with my crutches over the threshold and then stopped to I and Kirsten looking at each other when I realized something had changed in the way Kirsten looked at me when I turned back to her eyes and nothing else.

"You know… If you want to go back into the room upstairs it's fine. If you don't want to stay in the pool house anymore."

Random fact

For deciding what they had chosen to eat I actually did get a menu from Pancake House and chose some. I would have liked to go to a pancake house myself and actually check which ones are the best, but it seemed the nearest one is in Stockholm and I live far, far away from Stockholm.