Interlude 6 – Desperate Lies:
*** Faith's POV ***
-Riding in Oz's Van-
I'm staring silently out the window with my thoughts on loop.
I can stop running. Kakistos is dead. I can stop running. I'm safe. I should feel great about that right? Should be happy?
The van's silence is broken by the girl with red hair... Willow?
"So... that was scary. But... you have a brother. So. Yay!" Except I don't. I don't have a brother.
"An alien Brother!" What?
"Xander! He's not an alien. Giles said so."
"What're you guys talking about?" I turn away from the window to look at them.
"Oh. Jack was able to track down some folks who... knew your mother. Apparently she was talking about aliens before she... left. She never mentioned anything about that you?" Xander I think she called him? Trails off awkwardly.
"No."
Because the guy that smiles at me like I matter, like I'm important, the guy who turned Kakistos to dust with a wave of his hand... He thinks I'm someone I'm not.
He thinks I'm some long lost sister. His sister. Family.
"She never talked about the aliens with me."
Is it wrong that I want to pretend it's true? Maybe just for a little while?
"She was always a bit too busy drinking and passing out to tell me about the aliens."
Am I really that bad for wanting it to be true? Awkward silence answers my unasked question as the van continues towards my motel.
-Sunnydale Motor Inn-
I look at the hotel clock with the crack running down the middle.
It's 3:28 the clock tells me.
I roll over on the crappy motel mattress and try to go back to sleep.
"I have a brother, so, yay!" I can't seem to match Red's happy. Maybe it's because I know it's a lie?
It has to be a lie right? Mom can't have had a kid before me. Why would she say having me ruined her life if she had another kid before me?
Want. Take. Have. It's a lot easier when it's just skin.
Eventually I must fall asleep again.
I dream of the crazy guy that calls me his sister and hands me the heart of my worst nightmare on a silver platter.
I dream of having a place to live where I don't get woken up at 3:26 in the morning to stake a vampire that tries to break into my hotel room and eat me.
I dream of a hand squeezing me on the shoulder, and then blowing Kakistos to dust with a wave.
I dream of having a family that wants me.
-Winters Residence-
I stare at Amy's smiling face in the doorway.
I want to tell her he's not really my brother. That I don't belong here.
"Hey Faith! Perfect timing. Jack's just getting ready to make breakfast."
My empty stomach growls at me.
I'll tell them after breakfast.
-Winters Residence - Kitchen-
"Of course... You're family." Amy stares at me like I have three heads. Like there's no other option.
Except I'm not family. I don't belong here. I'm not the girl with the family that would take me even if I were a vampire. I should tell her. I want to tell her.
"But... Vampires eat people." I say instead.
She laughs. "You've met Jack right? Do you really think I need to worry about being eaten with him around?"
I can't really argue with that I guess. It must be nice, knowing someone cares about you like that.
I remember it being nice. Diana made me feel like that... before... Before Kakistos ripped her apart trying to get to me. Before I ran away. Before I let her die.
Now? Something must have shown on my face because Amy pats my arm and tells me to follow her.
We go up a flight of stairs. There's a door. My door. My name is on the door. The I is a stake, and the T is a cross.
"You know, when he first put the sign up, I thought he was going to turn it into a chapel." I guess Amy noticed me staring at the door. She opens the door and waves me in ahead of her.
It's bigger than my motel room. One of the walls has newspaper clippings on it.
I take a closer look. I recognize that guy. I saved him from that reddish Demon Thing... These are all about me. Huh, I made the papers a few times. It's a little creepy actually.
There's a bed and a desk. They look nice. New. Bought just for me. There's a folder with my name on it on the desk.
I open it. Are these... adoption papers? I stare at Amy's smiling face in the doorway.
I'm not really his sister. I wish I was. I want to belong. But I don't. I hate that I don't. That I never do. This isn't my room. He's got the wrong girl.
I have to tell them. These papers make it too real. This whole room is just too much.
"What the fuck is this shit!?" I yell instead of telling them. Anger is easier. I don't have to tell them I've let them think I'm someone else for the past hour.
I race out of the room and back down the stairs.
"Jack! What is this?" I'm holding the folder with the paperwork in his face.
"Options."
What do you mean options? Options for who? He says it with the same smile he used when he handed me a heart. He's obviously at least a little crazy, but I think he means this is for me. But I don't understand.
"Options? How does you having custody of me give me options?"
What I really want to ask is why are you so sure I'm your sister? How can you have done all this research about me, have newspaper clippings of me on the wall in a room with my name on it, be ready to take me in, and yet have missed the fact that I'm not your sister? That I can't be your sister. Can I?
"Did you read the next few pages?"
I flip through the paperwork in the folder. Each one is different. Emancipation paperwork. Name change paperwork...
"Oh"
"Yeah"
"Sorry." And I am. I'm sorry that I'm standing here thinking about letting you continue to believe I'm your long lost sister. Thinking about taking advantage of your crazy.
"Don't worry about it. Look, I'd love for you to be a proper Winters and all..." Jack keeps talking but I'm not really listening. I hear him say my name again, only now it's "Faith Dormer." He says it as I find the paperwork that would make it true.
Faith Dormer, like I really was her daughter. Shit. What would Double D think if she could see me now?
"...Too much in life just kind of happens to us you know?"
I think I nod at him. I need to go. "I need to think about this."
I'm down the street before I realize I've made it out the door.
Am I bad? Am I wrong for wanting what they're offering?
-Sunnydale Cemeteries-
"So... Jack is..." I kick the vamp over to B, "He's crazy right?"
B pauses to stake it, "You know, I'm not really sure anymore."
"Whatcha mean?" We look around the cemetery, but that was the last one.
"He does all these infuriatingly bizarre things, but they all seem to have a reason you know? Like, he's the reason I have to talk to Mr. Platt."
"He that school shrink you mentioned?" If B, with her perfect fuckin life, needs a shrink, what's that say about me?
"Yeah. I hated the idea of going at first, but it's been helpful. Just having someone to talk to about stuff. I can't talk about slaying obviously, but... okay, so mostly I just talk about how angry Jack makes me sometimes."
"...Ain't you two friends?"
"Not really. I think Xander and he might be friends, but- I don't know. We've never really gotten along. I suppose staking him the night we met didn't help." Probably not- Hang on. What?
"You're the one that stabbed him?"
"Yeah, I thought he was a vampire attacking Xander. Staked him in the heart. He just punched me and then stormed off yelling about... pegging fetishes?" B's nose scrunches up in confusion.
"You... in the heart... Wait- You mean he really is an alien!? Xander wasn't just joking around?"
"Well, Giles thinks he might just be part Mocha Demon. But yeah, Xander's really hoping the answer is aliens."
"Oh." The crazy guy that thinks I'm his long lost sister is a coffee demon? Maybe Xander has a point.
"Yeah." And B waves good night and heads back to her... mother who wants her. Why couldn't my mom be like Mrs. Summers?
-Sunnydale Alleyway-
I pull my stake back as the vampire crumbles to dust. I check the pockets of the jacket I tore off him. Twenty bucks.
That brings me up to enough to pay for the hotel room for another night.
One more vamp with cash on him and I can grab something to eat too.
My stomach growls hungrily at the thought. Slaying always makes me hungry.
Maybe if I don't call myself a Winters it won't be like I'm lying to them?
-Winters Residence-
The last time I saw Jack or Amy was 3 days ago. Jack smiled at me and waved. I... pretended I didn't notice him standing there. Will they even still want me?
I hear laughter before the door opens, then Jack's standing there. His smile widens.
"So. If I wanna be Faith Dormer and get emancipated and shit..."
Double D would be so disappointed in me right now.
I almost turn around and walk away right then.
I almost tell him I'm not who he thinks I am.
But I don't.
"Can I still move in?"
"Welcome home Faith."
Home. Family. Somewhere to belong. It's what I've always wanted.
"Thanks Jack."
Why do I feel like I don't deserve it?
