A massive thank you goes to Alice Young for catching my glaringly obvious mistake and being a great nudger to get my creative process flowing.
Frozen
Chapter 28 – The Holidays
"Are you going home for Christmas?"
Julia looked at Lucy, her face flashing with indignation. "I don't have a home to go to."
Lucy's face crumpled abashedly. "Oh, Jane. I'm sorry. I forgot."
Julia nodded stonily. "It's okay." But, she really wasn't okay. She had spent the last hour or so listening as Lucy and Eliza detailed their extensive plans for Christmas. Both their families were eagerly anticipating the girls' returns. Normally, this wouldn't bother her, but Julia was feeling particularly lonely. The castle was alive with Christmas spirit, and while it was magnificently beautiful, the cheery castle seemed to point of what she did not have out of spite. Nearly everyone was talking about the holiday with their families, and for the first time, it severely bothered Julia.
Unable to stand the cheery common room, Julia stood, gathered her things, and exited through the door into the castle. The only place that did not spew Christmas spirit were the dungeons, and a couple minutes later, Julia was outside Severus' door. Since that first detention, she didn't bother knocking, especially so close to curfew. She had been down in his office at least twice a week – every Thursday for Potions tutoring and usually at least once more simply to talk - since the detention almost five weeks ago.
The seventeen years they'd spent apart had vanished into thin air. For brief moments, the castle around them didn't exist, and they were just teenagers again.
Severus glanced up when Julia entered his office, and dropped his quill upon seeing her dark face.
"What happened?"
Julia smiled wryly at his concern. "I'm growing tired of Christmas spirit." She slumped into the chair in front of his desk, leaning her head back and shutting her eyes. The cool dungeon air was refreshing after the overheated Hufflepuff common room.
"You and me both."
Julia looked at him. "I envy them," she said reluctantly. "Everyone is talking about their wonderful holiday plans. Their families can't wait for them to come home, and my mind says it over and over – 'I don't have that. I've never had that.' I hate being self-pitying. I hate it! But, family and love are everywhere and it's killing me."
He listened, eyes thoughtful but otherwise emotionless. Seeing her hurting was agonizing to him, though, and knowing he could do nothing to help infuriated him.
"I know there's nothing you can do, Sev," she said, as if sensing his frustration. "I know you understand and I just needed someone to listen." She needed more, though. She needed him to love her, but she knew it was a futile mission. She couldn't let him go, though. He was her addiction. He was the relief in her meaningless existence.
"You're staying at the castle, then?"
Julia nodded glumly. "I don't have anywhere else to go, do I?"
"You are spending too much time with me."
"What?" She frowned, entirely oblivious to where he was going.
"You are becoming more and more like me with each passing day."
"Well, get used to it because I'm not going to stop spending time with you."
"Good, but in all honesty, Julia, you aren't yourself. I can't believe I actually mean this, but I miss the annoyingly happy Julia."
"Gee, thanks, Sev," she snapped sarcastically, but she smiled half-heartedly.
They lapsed into silence, but Severus was looking at her thoughtfully.
"What, Severus?"
He spoke slowly, cautiously, almost uncertainly. "Come to Spinner's End for Christmas." It was said awkwardly as if he wasn't sure he meant it or not.
Julia gaped. "Wh…what?"
He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Julia hid a smile behind her hand. "You said yourself that the castle is driving you towards madness. I'm tired of being here, as well, and quite frankly, after being apart seventeen years, I have no desire to spend time away from you."
His grumpy tone made her smile. He was so reluctant to express feelings it was almost hysterical. "Are you sure?"
"Of course I am," he snapped.
"Okay, then." She grinned at him, stood, and walked over to his side. She leaned down and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Thanks, Sev," she whispered in his ear, and resolving herself, she lightly pressed her lips to his cheek for the briefest of moments.
Severus watched her practically skip from his office with a look of obvious disbelief, his fingers lifting slowly to his cheek where her lips had pressed only seconds before. It occurred to him – too late now – that perhaps having Julia at Spinner's End for Christmas was about to be too much temptation for him to handle.
One week was left. Over and over Julia told it to herself to keep herself from checking out of school seven days early.
"You're distracted." Hermione pulled Julia to the side after Ancient Runes Wednesday afternoon.
Julia frowned at her. "So are you." She hadn't been so self-obsessed to miss Hermione's tapping quill or sucked in lip.
Hermione rolled her eyes and started walking. Julia followed her, waiting for her to talk. "Ron's dad was injured and Harry and Ron went to stay with the family. I have to wait until term."
"And you don't like missing the action?"
"I don't like not knowing what is happening."
"Understandable." Julia remained silent for a while.
Hermione huffed after a minute of silence. "Well?"
"What?"
"What's going on with you?"
Julia shrugged. "I'm ready for classes to be done for a while."
Hermione looked at her curiously. "I don't understand you. You do so well in classes. Obviously, you are a born learner, but you have a clear disdain for school."
"I like learning on my own pace," Julia said nonchalantly. After that, Julia subtly led the conversation away from such touchy and dangerous topics.
"Does Dumbledore know about this?" Julia asked, as she set her bag of belongings on the floor of Severus' office.
He nodded. "I thought it best that he knew where you were off to. It would have been odd if you had simply vanished from the castle. He seemed overly pleased with the idea, though."
Julia's eyes narrowed. "What on earth would he have to be pleased about?"
Severus shook his head. "Nothing I can think of." At least nothing he would voice aloud. "We'd better get going. We're apparating outside the castle gates."
Julia nodded and followed him out of his office, pulling her cloak's hood up to hide herself. She didn't need someone witnessing Severus going off with a student to heaven knows where. Once outside the gates, Severus held out his arm.
She grimaced, resigning herself to the uncomfortable travel of apparition. The butterflies, dormant for a while, fluttered into life as she held tightly to his arm. She liked being near him, but her stomach did not reflect it. She ached to stay near to him, more fiercely than she expected, but as soon as they were within the confines of his house on Spinner's End, Julia released his arm and stepped away from him.
"Good God, Severus. Could you get any more books?" she asked, looking around the dismal room not in disgust but amazement.
She missed his smirk as she stepped up close to examine some of the covers, and within moments, she glanced back at Severus, incredulity plastered over her face. His smirk dropped like a hot potato. "Summer's Pleasures," she hummed melodically, eyebrow raised. "Interesting choice."
Never in all the time that she'd known him had Severus blushed or looked more distraught than at that very moment. "I…it…" He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It belonged to my mother," he said through gritted teeth.
Julia sucked in her lips to hide the laughter threatening to boil over. She cleared her throat before speaking. "I figured as much, Severus. I was only teasing."
He pursed his lips and glared, but Julia's grin did not waver. He huffed. "Glad to see you're back to your old self." He grabbed her bag that she had set down upon arrival. "I'll show you to your room."
A bubbling joy slid through her heart when he said "your room," and she hadn't a clue as to why. She followed him through the neglected house to a room on the second floor. It was plain and rather malnourished, so to speak, but otherwise perfectly habitable.
"Thank you, Sev."
"For what?"
She looked at him and frowned. "For getting me away from the castle. For spending Christmas with me. For being my friend. Take your pick."
He shook his head. "Good to have you back, Julia." He stepped out, allowing her to settle in.
The following days were more comfortable and relaxing than she had expected. The awkwardness at spending so much time together or by being in the same house did not arrive. Rather, they spent their time talking, Julia poking fun at the books that used to belong to Severus' mum and Severus prodding her for information about her adventures. He seemed to be aware when he approached tough topics for her and would maneuver away from them to happier memories.
When Christmas Eve arrived, the only sign of the holiday were the lights that shone in through the window from neighboring homes. Neither of them had mentioned decorating or the holiday, at all. They were comfortable in the sitting room, Severus in the armchair reading the Prophet and Julia curled up on the sofa, reading, or rather, trying to read.
While she pretended to be ignorant of the holiday coming in only a couple hours, old memories of Christmas flitted in and out of her mind. She couldn't recall her ever having a happy Christmas. Her parents were either at Christmas parties that she was not invited to come along to or they were merrily drinking and celebrating the holiday at home, into which she was not allowed to invade. They were painful memories. She was always gifted heartily, but it never mattered the slightest to Julia. She wanted her family to celebrate with love, but never once did that wish come true.
An idea, building up over her hours of contemplating her past Christmases, possessed her like demon from the fiery pits of hell. She couldn't do it. Surely, it would end badly, but she reasoned, even if it did, Severus would know she had been telling him the truth.
Reservations shoved aside and locked tightly away, Julia stood up. Severus looked at her over the newspaper, eyeing her curiously. "Julia?"
Julia took a deep breath. "I have something to show you, Severus. Not really a present, but still, it's something important."
Severus nodded but frowned as Julia wrapped her cloak around her shoulders.
"I want to show you my home."
Author's Note: I know it's short, but I will have another update very soon. I promise it will be well worth this short chapter. *mischievous grin* Happy Holidays!
