Chapter 29:
Kili and I floated in silence for awhile, not really relaxed but enough so that we weren't completely on edge. Bilbo was still holding onto Dori's barrel several yards ahead, and they were the last of the pack besides us.
We finally came to a stop next to a very large rock on the riverbank. I carefully slithered out of my barrel, and then helped Kili out of his. I sat him down on a high up rock and ordered him to stay there adn stay still.
We made a camp for the night on the rock, and I winced unhappily as Fili bound up Kili's leg wound. "There's no more we can do about here," he said heavily. "We'll have to wait until we get to Laketown."
I frowned frustratedly, but he was right.
Then I decided to sit in a tree.
Now, don't get me wrong, trees can be creepy and weird in the wrong lighting - like the dark, peaceful dusky lighting that I loved so much, especially when near water. But, on almost all occasions, trees were the most amazing things. I loved sitting in trees.
So, yeah, I was sitting about as high up in the tree as I could get, and I was steadfastly ignoring the dwarves - and doing very, very well. That high up in the tree, I was savouring the soft breeze that played against my face (something that I would never take for granted again after the goblin caves, Mirkwood, and that bloody barrel), seeing the stars above me, loving the early night.
My tree began to tremble slightly, and I knew somebody was climbing it. I took my eyes off the stars for a moment, and glanced down to see Kili climbing the tree one-handed, the other one holding two plates of dinner that Bombur had made.
I was leaning against the tree trunk with my left shoulder, letting my legs dangle as I idly swung them back and forth. My knapsack hung from a little protruding branch on the other side of the tree trunk, and my left arm was wound around the trunk to keep from falling.
Kili pulled himself up over the last branch and deposited the two plates in my lap, then settled into position next to me and took his plate from me.
"They're beautiful," I said quietly, gazing at the sky. "There wasn't - there was nothing like them on Earth. Not even close."
"Why? The sky works the same, doesn't it? There, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, the moon waxes and wanes, the stars turn slowly as the night wears on. It works the same way," said Kili between bites of his food.
I resisted the urge to shove the plate in my lap out of the tree. "It's different, though," I murmured. "There, they have light even after the sun sets, and not from fires - like, little burning suns inside a house and - it pollutes the sky. The light bleeds upwards into the night and makes it impossible to see a lot of stars. There, at this time of night, you'd be lucky to see half of the ones I'm seeing now. Here, it looks like billions and billions of helicopters exploded in the night."
"Helicopters?"
"Flying machines that can hover. They make a funny noise, and they're really bright at night. Depending on where you are on Earth, the only stars you'll see are helicopter lights," I said with a little chuckle.
Kili was finished and he dropped the plate over the edge of the branch where Fili caught it and threw at Bombur. "You should eat, Freya."
I stared at the plate, fighting the urge to throw up. "I'm not hungry."
"Freya, you need -"
"I don't," I snapped, and I curled into the tree, away from him. "I don't need to eat. I'm fine."
He gave me a long, searching look. "What's wrong?"
I looked back up at the sky, feeling the heat of his gaze burning into the side of my head and refusing to look down. "I don't know," I muttered, visibly upset. "I don't know!" I smashed my fists against the tree branch in frustration. "There's something wrong with me, Kili, in here." I tapped the side of my head, looking down from the sky at him with a mad gleam in my eyes. "I have no idea what's going on, and I think I"m going to crumble, and I don't know why I feel like that because there's nothing overwhelming going on yet, and -" I crumpled into the tree trunk. "I don't know what's wrong with me. All I know is that I feel sick, like I'm going to puke, and I feel so stressed that when I just think about the future I want to burst into tears."
Kili listened to me quietly, and then reached out and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into his warmth. "Freya, honestly, I think you'll be okay. We're all here, and we all want to help you, we all want to keep you safe. There's nothing to be afraid of, and the only thing you should be stressing about is Smaug, and we'll take care of him." The sincere, sweet, little-kid-like confidence in his uncle's plans made my heart hurt. "It'll be okay."
I sighed, swallowed, and closed my eyes. "I don't understand why we need to do this, Kili."
"What do you mean?" he asked, and I felt him go rigid.
"Go to Erebor. For the treasure, for the mountain. It seems like a lot just to get a mound of gold back, doesn't it? Especially when you factor in the dragon."
He sighed. "It's a legacy of our people, Freya. We want it back, we want to rid the place of Smaug and take back what it rightfully ours."
"No," I said, surprising him. "Thorin wants that. What do you want?"
He seemed confused. "I want my home -"
"It was never your home," I pressed frustratedly. "It wasn't. You don't need to act like you want it back in front of me, Kili, like you do for the rest of the dwarves. It won't matter to me if you don't really want to get it back -"
"But I do," he insisted.
"Why?" I asked. "Why do you want it back? Because to be honest, Kili pretty much the only reason I originally went on this quest was to have a chance to become part of this world, and to be with people who are legends in my old world. Now, though, the only thing keeping me here is that I know that I'll have to act as somebody smart later on, that I'm going to have to save your guys' lives. That, and the fact that if I'm not near you, I feel like I'm drowning. And, lastly, I want Moonshadow back." He stared down at me, and I sensed his surprise, and I couldn't help laughing out loud and saying, "Did you honestly think that there would be any other reason?"
He shrugged, upsetting my head from his shoulder slightly. "No," he said honestly. "I didn't. But I also didn't think you'd admit it."
"So, if that's why I'm staying, why are you staying?"
"Because I want to help my uncle. I owe it to him. He practically raised me and Fili, with our mother, and we feel a debt of blood to him. We - I can't just leave him. He's my uncle, and I can't not stay to help him."
I sighed. "I knew you were going to say that."
In the silence that followed, I ate my dinner slowly, careful to concentrate on every bite in case my stomach decided to heave. When I was done, I threw it at Fili, way below on the ground. It hit him in the back of the head, and he glared up at the tree, but couldn't see between the leaves and was left simply to grumble in an annoyed fashion.
Suddenly, a high-pitched whinny split the night, and I sat bolt upright, accidentally knocking Kili in the jaw with the top of my head. I heard the sound of hoofbeats, and I shouted in delight, snatching up my backpack and jumping out of the tree.
Kili yelled as I free-fell towards the ground, but I laughed at the exhilaration, the feeling in the pit of my stomach as I left it on the branch I had jumped off, the wind and leaves whipping at my face. Then, a few feet up from impact, I yelled out a spell, harnessing the power from the jade at my throat without even touching it as it flew up in my face, my hair flying behind my head from where I had let it down earlier, my arms flying behind me as my legs tried to get into a position to land.
And then there was a cushion of air beneath me, and I abruptly stopped falling and gently lowered to the ground the last few feet, my hair and necklace settling properly in their previous positions, my arms falling to my sides. There was a brief moment of silence and peace.
Then a dark shape charged out of the trees in front of me and barrelled into me, joyfully snorting as he said hello.
It was Moonshadow.
I laughed and rubbed his neck. "Hey, boy!" I said happily. "I missed you!"
He nuzzled my hair from his vantage point above me, then looked into my eyes. I missed you as well, little one.
Kili came jumping down the branches of the tree like a squirrel and leaped over to me, looking harassed. "Don't do that!" he yelped. "Don't scare me like that."
I cast him a little grin, suddenly feeling much better from just a few minutes ago. "You know me. I'm full of surprises."
He snorted. "That's for damn sure."
Around midnight, I was woken up by a tap on my shoulder. "Freya," hissed a voice, and I was surprised to recognise Thorin. I extricated myself from Kili's arms, and stood up, following the king to the edge of the clearing. "What, Thorin?" I asked, not impolitely, but abruptly enough to show that I was tired and wanted to go back to sleep.
"I see you've taken up with my nephew."
It wasn't a question. I thanked whatever gods there might have been that it was dark, because my cheeks turned as red as traffic lights. "Ye-e-es," I replied, drawing it out to imply that I didn't understand why this warranted conversation.
"Don't play with his emotions." It was direct, obvious, not like most people, who simply implied it. "He is young, Freya. He has not had many relationships. He doesn't understand much about these things. The few women who have been with him have not payed any mind to his feelings, especially the most recent, whatever her name was - Tralukee, or something -"
"It was Tralique," I snapped, "And she had no choice about leaving suddenly."
"What do you know about it?" asked Thorin abruptly.
"Kili told me about it. What do you think we were talking about, all day in barrels, just the two of us at the back of the group? I mean, really."
Thorin gave me a suspicious look. "Did you two -"
"NO," I said exasperatedly. "For what I feel is the eighty bjillionth time on this quest, no, Kili and I did not have sex, and we won't, so get your mind out of the gutter. Got it? How the hell would we even have managed it today, d'you think?"
With that, I stormed back to mine and Kili's spot by the fire, and curled up again, falling asleep with the notion that my conversation with Thorin was not over, just paused.
Things are changing...
