-SCULLY- 29
I walked down the stairs quietly, my nerves on edge, my head on a swivel, my eyes on watch for my mother. I had seen the fear in Mulder's eyes, heard it in his voice, and now I wished he'd hidden it faster and better, and I hadn't been looking. Now I was scared too. I didn't know exactly how badly this could hurt us, but I knew that this was not going to end well, for anyone.
"Mom?" I asked, knowing that it came out in a whisper, quieted by my anxiety and the thumping of my rapidly beating heart. I prayed to God that my mother hadn't seen us and that she hadn't had a heart attack if she had. I was slightly worried that my poor mother – who was still in denial about the fact that I was almost eighteen – wouldn't be able to handle finding me in a bed with Mulder. Granted, we weren't doing anything other than sleeping, I highly doubted she would see it that way. "Mom?" I called, much louder this time, somehow finding my voice in the midst of my distress.
"Dana." My name was said, but it was not by my mother, or my father, or Charlie. It was the deep and unnecessarily stern voice of my older brother Bill.
"Bill!" I cried, running and jumping into his arms, not fully understanding the situation. When I began sliding down his body because he had not caught me like he was supposed to, I knew something was wrong, very wrong. Oh. My. God. Bill had seen us. Bill had come home from college for a weekend and had found me with a stranger in my bed. Bill overreacted to everything, even something small. But this, this he was going to stone me for, and he was going to rip Mulder to shreds. "Bill, calm down. Let me –."
"Calm down? Calm down, Dana?! Let you what? Explain? Explain why I come home to find my little sister in the arms of some boy I've never met?" Bill almost screamed at me, his face the color of my hair.
"I've met him! And I know him! And honestly, and frankly, this entire situation isn't really any of your concern," I said, flushing slightly with anger myself.
"Dana, don't be so naïve. You think you know him? You think it's not any of my concern? It's probably visible in his eyes, the lust, the want." Bill's eyes glistened, flashing and shining with pent-up rage.
"You mean the lust that was in your eyes at his age? You're a hypocrite! You talk about Mulder like he's some single-minded organism living for only one thing! He's different. You were the single-minded one. I could see it in your eyes, not in his," I said, spitting out the words like darts, hoping to hit him square in the forehead.
"Not in his? Not in his?! You've known him for what, a few months, and he's already in your bed? What does that mean? How should I interpret that, or better yet, how do you interpret that? Is it friendly behavior? Please enlighten me, Dana," he said, spitting them right back.
"Enlighten you? You're not worth my time or effort. You wouldn't understand. You're too single-minded," I said vehemently, venting my anger into my voice.
"I think I'd understand, Dana. I was him once. You tell the girl that you love her, and then, when she's done swooning and you're wooing has finally worked…" He broke off, and my face twisted in disgust. Bill was just like all the others, and worse, he was making Mulder just like them.
"Don't you dare. Don't you dare reduce him to what you were, and most likely still are. Just don't, Bill."
"You fell for it, didn't you? You fell for every single one of the lies, every single one of the stupid lines. You fell for him," he said, accusing me, making me feel guilty, making me feel…like I had done something wrong. When I didn't answer, he continued. "Tell me, Dana, was it before or after you slept with him?"
"Bill! That's enough!" My mother walked into the room, her face as red as mine. I stood, feeling small, very small, very insignificant. Everything that had happened, every day that had passed, I went over it in my head, searching for familiarity, for insincerity. I was second guessing everything he said, Bill having shaken my faith in him, faith that I couldn't quite grip again. Bill opened his mouth to argue, but my mother just glared at him, a look he got often. "I cannot believe you would say such things to your sister. You don't even know him. And apparently, you don't know her. I seem to be reminding you yet again that you are not the parent, and this time, I'm questioning whether you ever should be."
Bill looked at my mother, her words shocking both of us, slicing through the tension. My mother had never said anything like that, to anyone, let alone her eldest son. Bill opened his mouth again, but closed it again too, unable to find words. We all looked to the stairs to see Mulder descending, his face ashen, his eyes pained. He had heard every word, every false accusation, every condemnation made by my brother, and my feeble attempts at counters, at defense. He had heard my confidence dwindle, my faith shake, my fingers slip.
The look on his face broke my heart, slowly, each and every sign of pain displayed like a chisel striking my heart, again and again, unsuccessful each time. The guilt returned, and now I knew why it was settled in the pit of my stomach. I was guilty for second guessing, for doubting, when I knew that he would never lie to me. It hurt worse than his pain breaking my heart. It twisted and turned in my stomach, clenching and unclenching, paining me.
"Bill, you need to leave. Now," my mother said, firmly stating what we were all thinking.
"Where –," he began, but I cut across him, reacting to the knot of guilt in my stomach.
"We don't care where you go, just get the hell out of our lives!" I practically screamed at him, angrier at myself, but taking it out on him because it was easier, less painful. He looked at me briefly, slightly taken aback, before turning towards the door and leaving.
"Dana, Fox, why don't you two sit down? This could take a while," my mother said, foreshadowing what was to be a long and painful conversation. "I didn't see you two this morning, but I trust you both enough to know that nothing earth-shattering took place last night," she said, not entirely believing what she was saying. She looked to both of us for confirmation. We averted our eyes, neither confirming nor denying. She went on, much less sure of herself and her assumptions. "Bill found you two in each other's arms this morning. Would one of you two please explain to me what is going on here? Not just this instance, but for the past couple of months. I'm not blind, you know," she said when we looked at each other.
"Of course you're not, Maggie. Well, where should I begin? From the first moment I saw Scu – I mean Dana – I knew that I our destinies would forever be intertwined. As I got to know her and spent more time with her, I can honestly say, that I fell in love with your daughter. Everything about her is extraordinary; the sound of her laughter, the color and depth of her eyes, the way she looks when she sleeps," he said, trailing off, lost in thoughts, in memories.
"I feel the same way. Mulder and I, we're the two out of the thousands, out of the millions, that find their perfect other, and know it. I know it. I love him," I said, looking at him as I said it, speaking more to him than my mother. My mother didn't speak, looking deep in thought, as Mulder's eyes sought and found mine. 'I love you' his eyes said, and I smiled, saying the same. "I'm sorry', I said with mine, blinking slowly, showing my remorse the best I could without words, with only eyes. 'You don't have to be', his said, 'I already forgive you'.
"Fox, I expect you to continue to show my daughter the respect that you do. Dana, I expect you to do the same," she said quietly, looking at her folded hands in her lap. We both stood hesitantly, ready to remove ourselves from my mother's presence. We moved toward the steps, and Mulder reached out and grabbed my hand, entwining our fingers, just like our hearts. "Dana," my mother called, gesturing for me to come back. "You picked a good one," she whispered, making sure Mulder couldn't hear when I had reached her side.
I smiled, looking at him, his face anxious, waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. "Tell me about it."
