A/n: So I tried to get this out yesterday, but drama hit my life. So, hopefully today it'll get out… An epilogue after this, perhaps a sequel if I feel like it
Chapter 28
I woke up knowing immediately where I was, the smell of rubbing alcohol burning my nose. I fluttered my eyes open, the light being almost too strong for them. Allowing my eyes to adjust I recognized the hospital room with Dean and Sam sleeping in a corner. Déjà vu hit me really strong at that moment except without the Winchester boys sleeping on the horrible armchairs. It was almost like five years ago, after the car accident.
Taking shallow breaths I tried to ignore the pain that should have been coursing through me, only to realize that there wasn't any. Why was I supposed to be in pain again? Instead, I was floating, my head soft and light, my body not even attached to me. I tried to recall the last thing I remembered, but it was faint and fuzzy, just screaming red hair flying at me.
I sighed, smiling even though I felt incredibly vulnerable and weak at that moment it didn't matter to try and consider. Oh, well, I would remember it tomorrow. Closing my eyes I drifted back to sleep.
I was told I slept for another two days before I woke up again. My body was trying to conserve energy to fix itself, to create more blood after what I could only guess was most of it.
"Hey sweetheart," Dean murmured, his eyes cold and hard, bag underneath them. He looked like crap, a man desperate who had slept for hours in an uncomfortable hospital chair. He ran his cool hand through my hair, across my cheek, touching me wherever he could. My face lit up, my smile bright as I stared up at him from the hospital bed.
"Hey yourself," I croaked. Dean and I both winced at my voice before he went and picked up the water jug on the nightstand next to the bed. Pouring some into the ugly plastic orange cup he held it to my lips, waiting for me to drink my full. After enough I tilted my head back, a few droplets escaping my lips. He dabbed them off with his fingers.
"Thanks," I whispered. I glanced down at my arm and saw the horror my body had been through. My arm was in a cast, weighing down my one side. My leg was broken again, but of course it was my other leg compared to the first time, and my chin started to tremble at the idea of my broken body. If I recalled correctly now I was closer to breaking all the bones in my body, what an excellent achievement.
I didn't need to look under the gown or blanket to feel the gaze on my chest. Later, when no one was around I would check it and see how bad the scarring would be. I wouldn't let anyone else see me cry until then.
"So," I said, avoiding looking at my body any more to stop the tear-jerk reaction. I gazed back into his eyes, putting my good hand over his. "What happened after I was… incapacitated?" I kept my voice light, merry. Maybe he would let the joke slide thorough and ignore the fact of my being hurt.
"Well," Dean's gruff voice muttered, his eyes looking at anything but my face, his other hand that had been in my hair now on the nape of his neck, scratching. Uh oh. "Carlisle came to help you, after-"
"Victoria," I remarked, my memory coming back to me. I shuddered recalling it, hopefully she was dead now.
"Yes," Dean nodded, his voice hushed, "after she hurt you. Edward and Jacob took care of her." He didn't sound pleased at that, instead he looked angry, his face scrunched, his hands balling up.
"What's the matter Dean?" I brushed my fingertips across his stubble jaw, bringing him back to me.
He shook his head slowly, "Nothing. I just didn't know if you would wake up." His voice broke, a frown appearing on his face.
I grabbed his calloused cool hand, clasping his fingers in mine. "I'll always come back," I lied. I knew this had been a close one, that I was lucky to be alive at this moment. "I'll never leave," but I couldn't promise that even though I wanted to so badly. A promise would do nothing if I was stabbed in the heart next time. I smiled though, even if the smile didn't reach my eyes.
"Where's Sam?" I asked, turning my head to look in the direction of the vacant armchairs.
"Went for a walk to get some coffee, or something like that." Dean looked in the direction of the door. "He should be back soon though."
"Good," I yawned.
"Maybe you should rest," Dean sighed, running his hand through my hair again.
I shook my head, frowning. "No. Tell me what happened after." He knew what I meant by after. The after I was almost killed by a lucky shot that my archenemy had thrown at me.
"Are you sure you don't want to rest? That wound took a lot out of you."
I frowned, perturbed that he was avoiding my question. Raising an eyebrow I looked him square in his beautiful emerald eyes, "What happened?"
Dean sat there for a minute, staring past me, before he drew out a long sigh. "I shouldn't be the one to tell you."
I cut him off before he could throw out any more excuses, "But you're the only one here, so you kind of need to tell me." I yanked on his hand to try and get him to look at me. "Now tell."
He shook his head slowly. "Well, after the red haired vamp almost killed you Edward tore her apart. He showed no mercy. I heard you scream. Jake says it only took seconds before Victoria was bits and pieces. Edward was that pissed I guess."
Dean paused a moment, inhaling through his nose deeply before continuing. "I rushed over as quickly as I could, but I felt like I was too late. Your skin, it was paler than usual. The blood was just soaking through your shirt," Dean gasped before collecting himself again. "Edward was able to hear a faint heart beat from you still though, so he brought Carlisle over. We were so closed to losing you that they didn't know if they should change you or not."
I broke in then, "No," I shook my head to the best of my ability. "I don't ever want to be like them."
"I figured," Dean smiled sadly. "But I was still afraid. Carlisle needed to get you to the hospital, you needed a transfusion, and the knife had to be taken out carefully to avoid any more damage it could create for your organs. He tried to stabilize you the best he could there, even though he didn't have any medical equipment. Edward left when Carlisle got there. Couldn't stand all the fresh blood I guess." He stopped again, staring out the window at the rain dripping onto the glass pane. I tried to digest what had happened.
"What aren't you telling me Dean?" I whispered, now afraid of the answer. He waited another minute, torturously collecting his thoughts.
"Your heart stopped beating at one point. It was so weak already. Carlisle was able to get it started again, but you were nearing the end. We had to get you out of there. I didn't see what happened after that. I went with Carlisle, but I found out anyway."
I bit my lip, turning it a faint pink. I was lucky to be alive Dean basically had just told me. My life should have ended fighting Victoria but Carlisle had somehow been able to save me. I stared down at our hands joined together. The story would only get worse, I could tell.
"Edward's dead."
I didn't comprehend him for a few seconds, instead gazing at our perfect hands which fit so easily together. My super white hand inside his tanned leather hand. So perfect. Of course I had thought that about Edward and myself at one point. I felt a tear slide down my face, but still I didn't seem to realize it.
"How?"
Alice came in at that moment. Her face was somber as she spoke, "He was trying to help the werewolf Sam. Sam had been cornered by two vampires, both of them over a year old. Lackeys of Victoria's we're guessing. Well, Edward came to his rescue, but instead of being grateful Sam barked at him, snapping, like Edward was the enemy. Sam took a few seconds before he joined in the fight with Edward, but it was already too late in a way. One of them crushed Sam who's now in intensive care, but he should be healed in a few days. Edward, he didn't stand a chance against two of them by himself. And the rest of us were busy with our own…" Alice trailed off, looking like she would cry if she were able to.
Tears slid down my cheeks for all of us. He had been my first love, and he had died saving someone who had hated him. I couldn't believe it. A sob escaped my throat, wrenching it painfully out I bent over my hands, pulling them out of Dean's grasp to bury my face in them. I had been so horrible to him the last time I had really spoken with him. Now, he would never know that I would always carry a special piece of myself for him. That I still loved him, even though it was diminished in the face of Dean's and my love.
Alice came to sit on the bed with me, rubbing my back slowly, her cold hands slipping through the sheer night gown of the hospitals. I simply cried, my heart breaking for the second time in my life over Edward. I would never be able to say I was sorry or explain myself. I cried even harder at that thought.
"Shh," Dean whispered, putting a hand on my shoulder.
But for once I didn't listen to him. I might love him at this moment and for the rest of my life, but that certainly didn't mean I would take his shushing at this moment. I just bawled harder, gasping for air, my world seemingly coming apart.
I gulped in air while Alice and Dean sat there. Alice's shoulders shook her own form of crying going on. Dean's head hung, his face drawn as he sat there.
Please, I prayed to whatever God was out there. Please, let there be a heaven, because Edward, no matter what he's done to me. Edward should be there. So, please, please, hear this. I'll do anything to make sure he's finally happy.
It was a small affair at the Cullen's house. They had gathered ashes from the fire which Edward's body had been in. I was still weak and had to sit in a wheelchair thanks to the broken leg. Years ago, I would have been carried, but now, it felt appropriate that no one carry me. That had been his job at one point.
Dean and Sam were given suits to wear from the extensive family wardrobe. Somehow Sam's size had even been found. They looked great wearing Armani, but their faces were solemn. They may not have liked Edward, but they had respected him at the end for protecting me.
Emmett and Rose stood together. Rose dabbing at her eyes like she was crying with a silk handkerchief in her gloved hands. Her make up still immaculate even after her fake crying. Deep down though, I think she actually did care. Emmett wore his Gucci suit a satin tie pinned down by Edward's Christmas gift to him, a solid gold pin tie. Emmett's smile wasn't in place, instead his eyes were filled with anguish his mouth downturned.
Alice stood next to Jasper, but she didn't lean on him. She stood tall. Edward and she were always the closest of the family; she would take this the toughest out of all of them. I saw her shoulders still shaking violently, her face pulled back, ready to explode into tears if she'd been able to. Jasper simply stood there. His face tight, tortured from all the sorrow and downheartedness that he was feeling from everyone.
Esme cried as well. Her heart shaped face looking broken, her hands clutching her handkerchief. She would use it if she were capable of it. Carlisle had his hand on Esme's shoulder, his tux cleanly pressed just like the others, but he seemed more prestigious as he held the urn in his hands.
We were in the backyard, standing in front of the river, the rock to our right. I glanced past the family, looking into the forest. My eyes watering again as I thought of what had transpired just a few miles out there.
Carlisle cleared his throat, his voice low. "We are here to remember a fellow member of this family. A man who gave up everything for us, to protect us. He loved each and everyone of us, and for that I will miss him and always remember him." He took a bit of the ashes out of the urn, throwing them into the air before they trickled down into the river a little distance away.
"He was a son to me. Perhaps older, but he will always be my son. I love you Edward." She smiled sadly as she grabbed a handful and gently placed it in the river. She in turn gave the urn to Alice.
"Edward, you-" her voice broke, but she continued. "You are my true brother. You understood me completely, and you always had my back. I will see you again." Alice smiled sadly. A tear ran down my cheek at her words.
Jasper took his turn next. "You were never sure of the afterworld, but I know that wherever you are, there is a heaven. You wouldn't deserve anything less than that my brother." His hand created an arc with the ashes, a slight breeze catching them and taking them off into the river, before he handed the urn to Emmett.
"You were never fun to wrestle with." We all snickered at that. "But I love you anyways. You know one day we'll be even, and then I'm going to kick your butt." I smiled, enjoying the fact that everyone thought they would see him again. Emmett tossed Edward's ashes into the clouds, letting them rain back down to earth again before handing it to Rose.
"Well," she replied, "I know I was pretty much a pain in your ass." I smirked at that, waiting for what she would say next. "And you would get pretty upset at it, but you always had my back," she took a deep breath, "And I didn't have yours. I'm so sorry Edward."
"It's not your fault Rose," Emmett started, pulling her into his arms, the urn forgotten about between them. My face crumpled. It could be anyone's fault, perhaps it was Chief Sam's fault the most, or maybe it was mine. Who really knew?
We waited a few moments before the urn was passed to me. Dean and Sam wouldn't know what to say if given the chance anyway. They had only meet him twice and both times hadn't gone well at all.
"I-" my voice cracked, my hands shaking as I held the last of Edward in the urn. "I'm sorry for what I said. I wish I could tell you that now. And that, wherever you are, I hope you're happy." I couldn't say anymore, I could only feel the tears welling up again, racing down my face as they fell into the urn. I clamped my broken arm around the jar, making it truly mine as I reached down for the last few ashes. He would never be at peace caged up in a jar for the rest of eternity. "I will always love you," I whispered before flinging the ashes into the air, a gentle freeze floating them away. The breeze playing with my hair, gently caressing my cheek, perhaps he was now part of the earth.
I looked up after a few moments to catch movement in the trees. All of the werewolves had come to pay their last respects. The black wolf, Sam, stood at the front of the pack, on the other side of the river, bowed his head in our direction before each wolf threw back their head and howled Jake with them each paying their own tribute. Wiping away tears with the back of my good hand I smiled tentatively.
