Chapter 29- Staring Back At Me

I think I'm going to die, and Donovan is going to be the one to put me in my grave.

"Evans, stop slacking!" He shouted.

I bit my tongue on the retort that threatened to burst from my lips. Something about where he could shove his wand. Instead I picked up the pace on my sit-ups. 477, 478, 479... Did I mention that I hate sit-ups? Well I absolutely hate sit-ups. Or actually, I hate Donovan screaming at me that I'm a slacker. I have played Quidditch for years and have always been put through strenuous exercise. Yet somehow I can never keep up with him.

Donovan made exercising look easy. In fact, I might say he enjoyed it. He certainly had no problem leaving me in the dust every morning when we ran two miles around the arena. Or when we practiced hand to hand combat and he's constantly throwing me on my backside. I mean, those practice mats only help so much! My butt feels like it's probably covered in bruises!

I feel like I'm at boot camp and Donovan is my drill sergeant. Well, it's not that bad... But it is hard. We've been here a month already, but it feels like much longer.

"Alright, that's enough for today. I've had news, and we'll be going to Germany soon." He said.

"So we willbe based in Germany?" I asked.

He gave me one of those 'don't ask questions' looks.

"Yes." He said.

"No sparring today, go practice your daggers." He hurried out of the room.

I sighed as I pulled myself from the floor and walked down the hall to another room. I grabbed my belt and buckled it loosely on my hips. I reached for some extra daggers off the weapons wall and put them in sheathes on the belt. I decided early in our training that I liked them, even preferred them to the rest of the weapons I've trained on. They were easily concealed under cloaks and robes but what I liked most about them is that they were lightweight.

Donovan wanted to teach me the basics of sword work, 'just in case'. What would I need a sword for when I had a wand? Besides, it's not like you still see people walking around with short swords and long swords at their hips. And I'm no assassin, for crying out loud. It wasn't until a few weeks into the training that I noticed my wand dueling improved. I never would have thought they correlated. But as Donovan always screamed about my atrocious footwork, I eventually noticed that it actually helped me move in my wand dueling and therefore making myself a harder target to hit. And I learned to 'parry' spells faster and even read my opponents body language to my favor. I can see my opponent's slight lean in direction and anticipate where they are aiming. I'll never admit it to Donovan, but it's helped me immensely. It still wasn't much fun lugging those heavy swords around though.

That's why I liked the daggers. Donovan taught me how to throw them properly and hold them just right. My aim is amazing compared to my first day. On my first throw the hilt thumped the target and the dagger bounced away. That was embarrassing to say the least.

I squared up in front of the target widening my stance, bending my knees just slightly. I pulled back and flicked my wrist forward as I exhaled. Bulls eye.

"You're getting better at that." Donovan walked back in the room.

"Where did you go?" I asked.

"I went to get this for you." He said.

He tossed a huge leather-bound hand written tomb at me.

"What is this?" I asked.

"It's your homework. I hope it helps, because I can't help you with that. You remember the written language, right?" Donovan asked.

I looked down at the German manuscript. Donovan had taken to speaking to me in German since we'd been training. He wanted to make sure I got used to speaking it again. I thought it might have something to do with Germany, but he never answers any of my questions about our mission.

"Of course I know how to read it." I said.

I opened the cover and flipped through the first pages.

The Findings of Damien Donohough

Is he kidding me?! Donohough was a famous Potions Master! He'd written all kinds of books on potions and had invented quite a few amazing ones. He was basically a potions prodigy since he was a kid! But he had to be well in his late ninety's now though.

"Where did you get this?" I gasped.

Donovan smiled.

"That excited about potions?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes.

"Do you even know who Damien Donohough is?!" I exclaimed.

He chuckled.

"Yes, actually, I do. He was a family friend. He was my godfather, to be exact. And he left this to you." he said.

He left it to me. As in he had passed away. Poor Donovan.

"What?" I asked.

"He left it for you, among a few other personal things." He said.

"But, why, he doesn't even know me." I said.

"You were his protégé. And because you're my wife." He said.

Did he just say wife?!

I almost fainted. The book slipped from my hands with a loud thump on the ground.

"What?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes.

"It's the mission, Evans. You're going to be my wife who studied under Damien Donohough. You were born in France where you were trained from home and then you moved to Germany to study when Donohough agreed to take you on as his assistant. That's your back story." He said.

I stared at him.

"We have to get married?!" I felt sick.

He rolled his eyes.

"It's just pretend, Evans. Calm down." He said.

Oh great, another pretend relationship. It sounds just as exhausting. Yet, I felt a pang at my heart thinking of James.

"Nobody would ever believe Donohough was my Potions Master." I said sadly.

The sadness I felt for James was clinging to my emotions.

"Well they better. That's your job now, Evans. Horace Slughorn had nothing but positive things to say about you. And Donohough is the only one with a reputable reputation that we can use to pull this off. That's why being my wife is important. It's the only way he would have taken you on, as a family favor. And the only way I can keep an eye on you and have you around all the time without raising suspicion among the Death Eaters." He said.

I shot him a disgruntled look. Did he not think I was any good at anything? He sure made me feel that way a lot of the time.

"This book should help you learn Donohough's methods. So study it like your life depends on it. Which it does, actually." He said.

"You think someone will question my background that thoroughly?" I asked.

"Evans, the Dark Lord needs a Potions Master. I've offered you up." He said.

My eyes widened.

"I'll be working for him directly?!" I gasped.

"Well, you'll be working on whatever it is he wants a Potions Master for. He already has one Death Eater and you'll be assisting him. You'll also be reporting to me what you're doing and what you're working on. I doubt Voldemort will make any appearances. You'll just be at some random location working. Voldemort likes to keep his little side projects secret to his followers. Only his closest know of them, so you won't even see much of the other Death Eaters. And that will also help keep you safe." He said.

"His closest Death Eaters are the only ones who know?" I gave him an imploring look.

"Yes. Coincidently how I learned about his search. How quickly liquor loosens the tongue." He chuckled to himself.

I felt absolutely sick to my stomach.

"And when do we start?" I asked.

"Well, I'll be returning home from some business in France in a week. And then I'll be taking you in." He said.

I gulped.

"So soon?" I asked.

"You'll be fine. All you're doing is making potions. It should be quite harmless." He said.

"Harmless? Yea, pretty harmless when you're making complex potions where one too many ounces of an ingredient can cause an explosion big enough to kill you." I said.

"Don't be so dramatic Cassandra."

"Cassandra? Really? That's the name you're going with?" I asked.

"It's a nice name! I'm quite fond of it actually." He said as he walked forward and yanked a dagger from my belt and flung it at the target.

"I hate it." I whined.

"That's too bad, because that's your name now. Get used to it." He said.

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Here, this is yours too. Study this, facts about me and facts about the new you. I'm quizzing you tomorrow." He tossed me a file.

"This mission sucks." I mumbled.

"Come on, did you really expect that we'd be locating safe houses and hijacking them or something?" He asked.

That's exactly something like what I imagined, extreme battles and urgent secrets. Not melting in a hot room full of potion smoke. Donovan seemed to catch the blush on my face as he rolled his eyes and muttered something about 'playing the hero'.

"Oh and the most important thing we need to talk about…"

I looked up at him.

"More?" I asked.

"Being muggleborn, I don't expect you to understand this. You don't have to like it, but it is vitally important that you do it..." He started.

"Do what?" I asked.

"Most pure blood marriages aren't fairy tales. In fact, most of the time pureblood marriages are arranged. Like this one was. But also, the wife is treated more like a servant than a spouse. And no, I don't personally agree with it, but that's just the way it is, especially with old blood families. A wife is there only to please her husband and do whatever is demanded of her. She's better seen and not heard if you know what I mean." He said.

"That's barbaric!" I exclaimed.

He nodded.

"I agree. But I think it will work to our advantage. As my wife, you're my property. That gives me an excuse to check in on you any time I want. And it will help because you won't be questioned. A good wife does not answer for her husband and all that. You'll keep your head down and go mostly unnoticed and so you will appear harmless. But you'll be listening and reporting everything back to me."

"Just remember that the headstrong girl you were is Lily. Remember that's not who you are right now. It will help you to not feel so lost in Cassandra." He said.

I nodded.

"I'll start practicing." I said.

"That's a good idea." He said.

He started to walk away but stopped in the doorway and turned back around.

"You're ready for this." He said.

And then he was gone.

I sighed and flopped down on the floor. What was the point of all this? Maybe I should have just been an Auror like Charlie. At least he's getting to duel some Death Eaters. The only duels I get are against Donovan, and he always wins! He's made me learn so many new spells, and how to fire them off reflexively and consecutively. Sometimes when we duel I don't even know what I'm firing! It just comes to me, and I suppose that's what Donovan wanted. I'm like a dueling robot. But I have to admit Donovan knows what he's talking about. He's taught me how to predict spells based on wand movements and to watch body language.

Still, as much as Donovan has taught me, I still sometimes feel like it's all for nothing. I guess I felt like I'd be making more of a difference... Not helping them out! Maybe I just needed to know this was going to be worth what I gave up...Who I gave up.

Yet I find myself disappointed.

Or maybe I'm just home sick. I closed my eyes and lay back on the mat. My mind's eye went to Charlie.


"Oh come on, Sirius. It's not that bad." Charlie said.

"Yea, well you try being on Moody's bad side and see how much you like it!" Sirius said.

Charlie chuckled.

"I think everyone is on his bad side, actually. Have you seen him? Personally I don't think any side is his good side, so many scars." Charlie said.

"But he hates me! He's nothing but an old smarmy codger." Sirius said.

"Well maybe he'd hate you less if he didn't overhear you calling him names like that and then whack you on the back of the head before you know it was coming." Charlie said.

Sirius scrunched up his nose and his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"What are you talking about? He never hit me on the he- Hey!" Sirius spun around as Moody's hand connected with the back of his head.

"Black! You want to sit here and whine like a baby I'll call your mummy to come get you! You'll be adding 25 extra laps today." Moody said.

Sirius shot Charlie a dirty look.

"What? Don't say I didn't warn you." Charlie held up his hands in defense.

Sirius slugged his arm and started grumbling as Charlie laughed.

"So what time are we all going tonight?" Charlie asked.

"I think around 10. Boys only! Hogsmeade won't know what hit it!" Sirius grinned.

"James coming out?" He asked.

Sirius frowned.

"It's one of his best friends' birthday. He's coming out with us whether he likes it or not!" Sirius said.

"Well good luck. He's been quite elusive. But I guess I can't say that I blame him." Charlie said.

"Have you heard from her?" Sirius asked.

Charlie shook his head.

"Are you going to look for her?" Sirius asked.

"She told us not to. You know it's important we don't." Charlie said.

"We're almost done with this training. Don't you think you'd be able to help her?" Sirius asked.

Charlie just shrugged,

"Honestly, I have no idea where to even look. I don't even think she's in the country. I haven't sensed her at all."

"Oh great, that's just what we need, Voldemort abroad." Sirius whispered glancing around at the people filing the tables surrounding him.

Charlie nodded.

"You said Dumbledore started her on this?" Sirius asked.

Charlie narrowed his eyes.

"No. I said that she told me Dumbledore told her it was ok to tell me about it." Charlie said.

"Same thing." Sirius said as he looked off thoughtfully.

"Sirius, you're not going to do what I think you're going to do, are you?" Charlie asked.

Sirius shrugged.

"I guess we better get outside and get these laps out of the way." Sirius stood up and left the table and Charlie sighed loudly.

"I hope you know what you're doing Lily." Charlie said to himself.


I opened my eyes and looked up straight into Donovan's. I squeaked in surprise and rolled away.

"What were you doing?" He asked.

"Nothing. Just fell asleep I guess." I lied.

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Your eyes were moving under your eyelids like a million miles a minute. You weren't asleep." He said.

I shrugged.

"Well I came to tell you I got a letter from Dumbledore just now. We're going to Hogwarts tonight." He said.

Oh, just wonderful.

"Are you ready?" Donovan asked.

I nodded and placed my hand on the Portkey.

We landed on the very outskirts of Hogsmeade village.

"Put this on." Donovan said.

He handed me a brown cloak and hood. I frowned but I pulled it on over my jeans and shirt.

"Tuck in your hair."

I huffed.

"What about you?" I asked.

"I didn't go to school here. Nobody in this town will recognize me." He said.

I rolled my eyes as we set off through the village to get to Hogwarts castle gates. The sun had just set and though it was summer there was a nice cool breeze blowing through the streets. We walked in silence, Donovan was just a little bit ahead of me and looked completely relaxed, but I could see his eyes shifting around, watching everything around us for any signs of danger.

We made it to the castle gates with little trouble. Donovan tapped his wand on it several times in some secret pattern and it opened for us. We walked up the hill to the Great Entrance where the care taker stood waiting for us.

"This way." He croaked.

We followed him up to Dumbledore's office. I wondered why we didn't just floo here or apparate to the gates. But just as well, because Donovan probably wouldn't tell me if I asked. I don't even know why we are here.

"Come in!"

We walked into the office as Dumbledore was at his desk.

"Lily, Donovan, it's good to see you." He said.

I smiled.

"And you, Professor." I said.

"Did you hear about the incident in Knockturn?" Donovan asked him.

"Indeed, my sources have mentioned it. I'm not sure it's much to worry about at the moment." Dumbledore said.

Donovan looked like he wanted to say more but looked at me and decided against it.

"So did you talk to Filius?" Donovan asked.

Dumbledore nodded.

"Yes, I think we should try it." Dumbledore said.

They both looked at me.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"We need to change your appearance for your disguise while you and Donovan are undercover. The problem that we were working on was that anyone could cast a spell and wipe away any charms that modify your appearance. This would be extremely dangerous for you both. Professor Flitwick has been assisting me with this problem and we think we've found a way to solve it." Dumbledore said.

"Oh, right, of course. What is it?" I pretended I knew what he was talking about.

"We'll use normal charms to modify your appearance and then we are going to essentially apply a stick charm to a different and more complex spell. This spell is very difficult to perform, and Professor Flitwick has graciously offered to do so. When he is finished, nobody will be able to remove your appearance charms. However, if you reveal who you truly are to anyone, they will see you as you truly look." He said.

I sat thinking this reminded me of something I read about once.

"Wait, are you trying to modify the Fidelius charm?!" I asked.

Dumbledore smiled.

"Excellent, Lily. And yes, Flitwick is confident he can manage it." Dumbledore said.

I was stunned.

I mean, that spell alone is based in warding and warding spells are extremely complex. Well, a good one anyways. And then you have to establish the ward to attach to a person's soul! Not to mention it's supposed to be used on a location. The complexity of hiding something is enormous, but hiding a living and movingthing is just unheard of. All kinds of things can go wrong, including the death of the person you're trying to place the charm on. I briefly thought about working in warding for Gringotts before graduation. It's just so fascinating.

"We'll modify your appearance now, and then we'll send for Flitwick. He doesn't know who he is performing this on." Dumbledore said.

Donovan reached into his robes and pulled out a picture and handed it to Dumbledore.

"If you're ready Lily, I'll begin." Dumbledore said as he pulled out his wand from his grass green robes.

I nodded and stood up, closing my eyes. I could hear footsteps approach, and then the small tingle of magic in the air around me.

"Finished." Dumbledore said.

Donovan was standing next to Dumbledore as he fire called Flitwick.

I didn't feel any different, but the looks Donovan kept giving me were starting to make me feel uncomfortable. Was I that strange looking?

"Evening, Dumbledore! Ah, is this the girl then?" Flitwick walked out of the fire and straight towards me.

"Yes, I've explained the general idea but she knew what the Fidelius was." Dumbledore said with a smile.

"Indeed?" Flitwick asked me with surprise.

I nodded.

"I read about it once. I once thought of going into warding, I'm very proficient with Charms magic." I said kindly.

"Oh, wonderful! Have you any practice in warding?" He asked.

"Well, some. But it's nothing special." I said.

Donovan cleared his throat loudly.

"We best be on." Dumbledore interpreted.

Flitwick nodded and started whispering incantations while walking around me and waving his wand in big sweeping circles. He then started going around me counter-clockwise give his wand a swish and jab in my direction. Dumbledore then proceeded to join him and they walked circles around me waving around their wands as sweat formed beads on their foreheads. They did this for a few minutes longer before a white blue light flashed so brightly we were all momentarily blinded and as it disappeared, Flitwick fell to the floor, drained of energy.

Dumbledore didn't seem surprised though. He simply bent over the small Professor and helped lift him back to his feet slipping him a potion.

They both looked at me and smiled.

"Did it work?" I asked.

"Test it out, my dear." Dumbledore said.

I glanced at all of them before slowly slipping forward and whispering my true name to Dumbledore. He smiled even wider.

"Perfect." He said.

Flitwick sighed in relief.

"Who is the secret keeper?" I asked.

"You are, my dear."Flitwick said.

I nodded.

"Thank you, Professor Flitwick. You are truly gifted in charms." I said.

He smiled and nodded.

"Filius, the hospital wing is expecting you." Dumbledore said.

He nodded and hobbled out of the room.

I looked back toward Donovan and happened to see the mirror behind him. I stepped past him toward the mirror, staring at a girl who resembled me, but looked nothing like me.

My red hair was gone. I knew that one was a given. But my eye color was now blue, my hair a dark brown, and even my freckles were gone. I glanced down at my arms and noticed the pale unblemished skin. It was so strange to see me like this.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and saw Donovan standing behind me.

"We need to go, Cassandra." He said quietly.

I nodded silently.

Dumbledore walked back to his desk as we left. Donovan led me out of the castle quietly. When we reached the grounds he stopped me and pointed his wand at me. My clothes changed into something very aristocratic and expensive looking. He handed me a beautiful chocolate traveling cloak.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Just shocked, I think." I said.

"Well, now you're Cassandra. Are you prepared for that?" He asked.

I nodded again.

"Ok, this will be a good opportunity for you to practice. Keep in mind your mannerisms as well." He said.

"Yes, Donovan." I lowered my head.

I fastened my silk cloak around my shoulders and followed Donovan down to Hogsmeade.

We were walking past an old dingy pub called the Hogs Head. Why anyone would want to go in there is beyond me. And suddenly a group of people burst through the doors, following one guy that ran out first. Charlie.

He almost collided into me.

"Watch where you're going!" Donovan shouted at him.

Charlie stared at me unblinkingly. He must have sensed me. Even with the charm he knew it was me.

"Sorry about that mate. My comrade here is a zealous drinker." Sirius explained to Donovan as he clapped Charlie on the shoulder.

"Charlie mate, where's the fire?" Remus asked as he drunkenly slumped against another guy.

A rather quiet guy, that looked out of place with his cheerful friends.

Charlie just kept staring at me.

I smiled at him and turned toward Donovan as he extended his arm for me to take.

"Gentleman, have a nice evening." I said.

My voice was the same.

Charlie smiled and winked at me, a promise of a mental conversation to come.

And James Potter's head snapped up as he looked at me with the fiercest gaze I had ever seen.

As Donovan led me down the sidewalk like the proper escort a husband should be, I glanced back. Sirius was laughing with a drunken Remus, Charlie was smiling, and James Potter's eyes were staring back at me.