I have planned two more chapters after this one, so the end is in sight.
I don't own skins.
Chapter 29: My heart beats only for you
Naomi PoV
"Veinte ciento, por favor." The fat man behind the counter said as I motioned for what gum I wanted. Just before I was supposed to pay, I saw a tiny bag of crisps in a flavor that I knew Emily loved. I quickly grabbed it and paid for both, thinking that with her endless pit of hunger that she called a stomach, she would be glad to have a snack on our way down to the harbor.
"Gracias!" me and the man said to each other, before I grabbed what I bought and put the gum in my fanny pack. I was just zipping it shut when I walked out the door, seeing a giant man pressed up into the wall where I left Emily. But with a second glance, I saw two pair of feet there. My pulse sky rocketed as I yelled out loudly.
"Hey, fucking get off her! I've called the police!"
I sprinted towards where he was threatening Emily. My Emily.
The unknown turned around and glanced at me for a second with black eyes. The emotion, or lack of maybe, in those eyes made me stop dead in my tracks. I could feel my whole inside freeze to ice in fright. I was so afraid of Emily that I almost died in that second, but I leapt to my feet again for exactly that reason.
The man jumped away from Emily and ran down the street without turning around. I kept running towards Emily.
She was hyperventilating and holding a hand to her throat when I reached her.
"Emily! Are you okay?" I asked out of breath, eyes wide. "Did he hurt you, what happened?"
She didn't look at me, just kept breathing really fast and somewhat slump against the wall. I took her face in my hands and made her look into my eyes. She looked really afraid and not quite present. I gently shook her face, trying to get her back to reality.
"Emily," I felt my voice waver, "what did he do?"
She seemed to finally register that it was me, and inhaled while shutting her eyes. One big tear rolling down. I let go of her face to hug her close to me. I just needed to feel that she was alive. I needed her to feel that she was alive.
"H-he had a kn-knife." She muttered into my shoulder. She didn't even grip me back, but I held her so tight that she didn't really need to.
At these words I felt my whole body tense up, and I buried my face in her neck. I heard her racing heartbeat and didn't know it was calming because it was there or if it was unnerving because of how fast it went.
"Everything's alright. It's gonna be okay." I said soothingly to her, stroking up and down her back, trying to make her calm down. I was also trying to calm myself down. I had no idea what to do, she was just attacked on the street. And I wasn't there to protect her. God, I should never have left her alone on the streets.
With the anger against myself for being so careless, also the anger against that unknown man grew. I wanted to rip his balls off for ever laying a hand on my girl. I would gladly prod his eyes out with needles. In that moment I could to an extent understand why people did torture.
"We should go to the police, turn him in. Did you see any of his features? Anything that could point him out in a crowd?" I asked, my voice shaking. I wanted this man behind bars, preferably forever. I knew that was unrealistic, but hell, I had a terrified girlfriend in my arms, and my moral side told me to go straight for justice.
"I don't want to go to the police." she said quietly back, actually gripping slightly at my clothed back. She sounded like she was more herself now. Maybe she'd calmed down somewhat.
"What!" My head shot up, and I looked at her disbelievingly.
"Naomi, I can't bear it. Please don't make me." she looked so torn down. Tired. Like all the fight had left her body.
"Hell, Ems, we need to do something, he can't just walk on! What if he seriously hurt you? What did he want? Was he going to fucking rape you?" I feel my insides burning with rage, fueled on by the alcohol in my blood.
"He wanted money, but you have everything, so I couldn't give him anything."
"What did he do? Anything else? Did he hurt you in any way? Did he…" I couldn't make myself to finish.
"H-he held that knife to my throat, and when I told him I didn't have anything valuable, he-… he-…" she swallowed and cast her eyes down. I brushed her hair away from her face with both my hands, looking at her with a pained expression.
"What did he do Emily?" My mind going to the worst places possible. "Did he touch you?" I cringed at my word.
"Well, he didn't exactly do anything, but his hands, they … they kind of…" she swallowed back tears again.
"Tell me." I captured her face in my hands again, gently holding her. She finally looked into my eyes, and her eyes … they looked so distressed and hollow. But still so full of everything I knew so well.
"He… touched me."
My eyes closed in agony.
"Where?"
I needed to know.
"He palmed my tits and then, just when you came out, he was about to … his hands were drifting up my thighs." she kind of collapsed against the wall at that, while I was fighting the urge to find that guy and do some serious damage. I couldn't though, I would never leave her again.
"Em." I whispered, my voice at the breaking point, carefully coaxing her into my arms, where she slouched on my shoulder. I never ever wanted this for her. This was not how it was supposed to go.
"We have to go to the police, give the fucker what he deserves." I said strongly.
"No, I wouldn't recognize him anyway, I had my eyes shut the entire time." she whispered, almost depending me with all her weight. God, I had almost forgotten that she's drunk.
"We have to do something!" I said, feeling incredibly helpless. I hated injustice, and this was the greatest example of it that I've ever experienced. Because it laid my heart so close. Because it happened to Emily.
"Can we please just leave it? Go on with our evening?" Emily pleaded against my skin.
"Fine," I huffed, finally respecting her wishes, "we're going back to our hotel room." She lifted her head at this.
"What about the concert? You were really looking forward to it. We can still go." she managed a small smile. I think it was supposed to be reassuring, but all I could think about was some fuckers hands all over her, and how that made me sick to my stomach. And if I was feeling like this, surely she must be in a somewhat similar or worse state.
"Fuck the concert, Ems! You mean so much more, and we're going back to the hotel! You need to rest, okay? You were having a fucking panic attack just a few minutes ago!"
"Just if you're sure." her eyes shined carefully.
"Of course, Em. I need you safe."
"Okay." She relented with a whisper.
"Are you okay to walk back?"
"Yeah."
I took her hand and held on safely, watching her every single step of the way. There was this terrible feeling in my stomach that I couldn't get rid off, and even though she was quiet, she seemed to get lighter with every step. Like she was walking off the experience. And I couldn't believe her, that she wasn't as affected, because it was fucking scary. And it made me feel so insignificant to the possible outcomes of that situation. So fucking helpless. Of course I was glad nothing else happened, but … I couldn't help this huge stone pressing on my heart.
"Yeah, no, we're at the hotel room now." "Could you do that? Emily doesn't want to call and tell them herself." "Yeah, she's okay regarding the circumstances, we're just going to stay in the rest of the night." "Yeah, I will." "Thanks mum, speak to you soon."
That was the last part of my phone conversation with my mum. When we got back to the hotel room, I fussed over her while she laid down in the bed and stared empty out over the room. I didn't know what to do. I told her that we needed to tell her parents, because I would not let her go on pretending that nothing happened, that would without doubt tear her down inside out. She really wasn't up for making a phone call, wanting to just stay still in the bed, so we agreed that we would ask my mum to go over and tell them in person. So I loaned her phone and dialed my mum, almost bursting into tears when I heard her voice. I told her everything that had happened and asked her over and over what I should do, while Emily was looking at me from the bed. Mum said the same as me, go to the police, but we were already past that. Then she told me to keep Emily safe and not leave her side. Keep her as comfortable as possible, so that's what I intended to do.
I put the phone on the table with the tv and went back to Emily's side.
"She's going over there tonight to tell them." I informed. She gave me a small grateful smile.
"Naomi, you don't have to fret over what to do with me. I'm okay, really."
I didn't believe her for a second. But maybe it was enough bustling from me for now.
"Ems, I know you're not fine, nobody would be after that. I want to chop his dick off." She snickered a bit, more out of duty than amusement I think.
I laid down beside her and just watched her. She was looking down into the mattress, having curled her hands under her chin. She looked so small. She was small. She would be an easy target out on the street. We both would.
But in spite of being so incredibly tiny, she held the greatest place in my heart. And that place hurt when I thought about what'd happened.
"How do you feel?" I asked quietly and stupidly. It was obvious that she didn't feel good. But I was done towering over her and taking control and telling her what to do. I wanted to talk to her now. Be there for her. It's all I really wanted, really, to make her day a little better. For her to be happy.
"Not so good." she answered, lifting her eyes to look into mine. "But it's not all bad. You're here, and you saved me." there was a light blaring up in her eyes as she took one of my hands in hers.
"Don't say that," I furrowed my brows, gulping down guilty tears. "I left you alone on the street. It's my fault it happened. I should've been there. I should've protected you." I said chokingly.
"Is that what you think?" Emily scooted closer. "Don't believe that, it was none of ours fault. It was his fault." her eyes dropped down again. "You may even have saved my life." she whispered.
I secured my arm around her torso at that, dragging her into my chest. She complied willingly, grabbing the front of my top in the process.
"I'm sorry it ruined our holiday." I said.
"It didn't ruin it. I have all these wonderful memories from yesterday and today. He didn't wipe them out, they're still there." she mumbled.
"I'm so sorry." I breathed out.
"Stop blaming yourself Naoms, it's okay."
I felt her body shaking, and wondered if she was suddenly crying. Then I realized that it was my violent sobs that wrecked her. It was me who was weeping, and then I felt how much my heart was bleeding. I had to scrunch my eyes shut to try and ride out the hurt I felt in my chest.
"Naoms?" She pulled away to look at my face, which was covered in running tears.
"I'm sorry Emily, but it just kills me, you know. I could've lost you tonight." I choked out, curling into myself, feeling the wrecking of more on coming sobs.
"But you didn't, I'm still here." I felt her take a hold of my waist, trying to envelop me in her arms, when I was the one supposed to comfort her.
"But I could have! And I could loose you tomorrow, or the day after! And I can't cope with the thought of that!" I hopelessly wailed.
"You won't loose me, okay?" she tried to soothe.
"You can't know that Emily, you could suddenly leave or be taken away from me, and it would be nothing I could do about it. And I just can't…" the pain in my heart got too great for me to speak for a minute as I heaved for breath.
Emily stroked my hair away from my face with a miserable expression.
"Don't ever leave me. Because I love you so much that I couldn't face my life without you. And it's probably too soon, but after what happened before… I just can't live without you, you hear me? I never knew how deep you were in my heart, but right now, I think you are my heart. I want to protect you from everything, from all the bad in the world, but I can't. And that some fucker can grope you when I turn a blind eye, it.. it breaks me." I sobbed.
"Naomi, I will never ever leave you. I'll stay with you as long as I can manage. Believe me on that."
I looked up into her familiar brown orbs. And I could see so much love radiating from them. She was everything.
"I believe you." I sniffed, trying to rub away some tears. "I love you Emily. I love you more than I thought I was capable of. I love you so much that the thought of it kills me." I confessed.
She sighed painfully and crawled into my arms again, burying her face under my chin. I smiled despite myself, and held her impossible close. She didn't say anything else for the rest of the night, just stayed right there. She didn't need say anything, this was reassuring me immeasurably.
My heart beat only for her.
It was the first night since we got together that we slept in the same bed without making love. But this night meant so more than all of the others, because it was the night I understood just how much I loved her. Just how much she saved me from loneliness. Just how much meaning she already had in my life.
We woke up in the exact same position we fell asleep. Me engulfing her, keeping her safe in my arms.
I woke up a little before her, and took my time studying her beautiful face. Breathtaking, is what she was. Her sharp, but round, face, her rosy lips and her adorable nose. Her flawless skin and her flare of red hair. I loved her deeply, unconditionally. I knew I was lost. I knew that she was it, and I knew I would do anything to grow old with her from that moment on. It was no fumbly summer romance anymore, if it ever was. It was the love of my life.
When her eyes fluttered open, it just further clarified my thoughts. She was just so beautiful. And even that word didn't seem enough.
I grinned at her, and she grinned back at me. I kissed her sweetly good morning, and then we just laid staring into each other eyes for a while.
In the end, she opened up and told me about her thoughts and feelings around the nearly rape yesterday, how terrified she was and how she was glad I took her back to the room. She told me how affected she was and probably would be for a while, but she also told me that she would without doubt move on from this. And she strongly said that I would too, that she didn't want me go around constantly worrying about her. And I agreed about that.
I was all about independence and fending for yourself. I wanted her to be alright on her own feet. As long as I could stand beside her. I would let her take back what he took from her. And by the determination in her eyes, it wouldn't take long.
We ate breakfast on the hotel, and I watched her carefully the whole time, despite myself. I knew I'd promised her to step back, but what could I do? I was worried sick, and I wanted us to get back home so she could be in familiar surroundings. And since I held such a good eye on her, I catched that she did in fact crouch a bit down when one guy was sneaking past her chair.
She was so brave that girl, but I would be ready to catch her if she had another breakdown. I would always be ready to catch her regarding anything.
We packed everything and took a cab to the airport. We bought ourself our last spanish meal there, and relaxed in a cafe. I felt Emily luckily loosening more up as time went by. But it wasn't irrational that she was a bit cautious in crowds at first. It was just to be expected, I guessed.
I even asked her if she wanted anyone to talk with, like a professional. But she told me that if she needed to talk she would talk to me or her family or Effy, and that traveling one hour to the mainland for therapy was not something she wanted to spend her time on. I absentmindedly nodded to this, and agreed in the end. If it was one thing I knew, it was that she was the strongest person I knew. And I knew she would seek help regardless of how stubborn she was if she really needed it.
We didn't join the mile high club on our way back either, but I figured we would have lot of chances for that in the future.
The plane, the train and the two boats before we were arriving Vader was spent with us curled up into each other. She slept a great deal, probably being worn out of everything that'd happened. And I happily let her sleep on my shoulder, because then I knew she was safe.
The longer I watched her being safe, the more I relaxed. But that didn't mean I wasn't nervous about coming home. I knew her parents would be in hysterics, gauging how much they'd called her all day. She talked with them twice, but couldn't muster anything more than that. She would be going home to them tonight, and would take the day off tomorrow to be with them. And I was kind of glad, because that meant she would have someone to talk to. Someone to look after her when I couldn't be there.
I didn't arrange for anyone to pick us up on Vader, so we could take the bus, having some more moments for ourselves before she was due home to re-ensure her safeness. And there wasn't a doubt in my mind that her mother would blame it on me, but I knew what me and Emily had couldn't be broken of that, so I didn't worry about us. But I worried about her. It was time her mother finally saw some sense and accepted her daughter. But I had my suspicion that recent events hadn't made that more likely to happen.
I spent the time on the bus stroking her cheeks and looking deeply into her eyes. I kissed her thoroughly, wanting to savor everything her. I knew we wouldn't be apart for too long, but I almost missed her already. That being said, I was determined to let her go, because she was her own person, and we weren't attached at the hip despite whatever the others in the gang would say.
"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" I asked one last time as the bus got dangerously close to where I would go off.
"Yes, Naoms, I'll see you sooner than you'll know. And don't fret too much okay?" her thumb skimmed across my lips. "I'm perfectly fine, I promise you."
"Alright," I relented as the bus came to a halt, "I love you Em." I said and kissed her one last time.
"Love you too, Nai." she breathed out. I gave her a last lingering look before I made my way out of the bus to a waiting mum and Kieran who obviously was done at the workshop. Kieran took my suitcase and started to walk down to the house as I got engulfed in a hug from mum. My eyes wandered back to the bus window, and gave Emily a last reassuring smile. Wanting her to be strong for what was to come.
Mum gushed over me as usual, wanting me to tell her everything we did, including the almost rape. I told her about it, and how worried I'd suddenly had become for Emily. She told me it was usual for someone in love, and that I should give Emily some space. It wouldn't just be good for her, but it would also be good for me. I needed to understand that even though we weren't with each other constantly, nothing would change.
She told me about how Emily's eyes always lighted up around me, and the way she looked at me. It was reassuring.
They had prepared a nice evening meal, and I ate it and chatted with mum about the things that had changed in Barcelona and how the hotel were and so on. We had decided to steer clear of the heavy subject for the time being, as there was no reason to rip it up.
I didn't have my phone so I couldn't talk to Emily about how she were. But it was okay, because a day without her wouldn't change anything. I did order myself a new phone finally, though.
I cuddled with Tiger that night in my big bed. It was a bit lonely without her, but I managed.
Tiger was glad to see me, and I was glad to see her. So it wasn't a miserable night, by far. My thoughts still went out to my little redhead, though.
I didn't do much the next day. I slept in with Tiger and had breakfast at the dock. Even though I constantly thought about Emily, I tried to busy myself with other projects.
I used a good amount of time to shower Tiger, because she had obviously figured that shitting herself in fright of another cat was wise. But I felt sorry for her, so I spent my early day on her.
Then I helped mum and Anne in the garden, sweating my arse of for some weeds.
Then it was suddenly dinner time, and after dinner there were a slight drizzle outside, which made me coop on the sofa with Tiger, a blanket and my iPad. I read a bit online about rape culture, and what causes against that was in the wind now. I signed some petitions and e-mailed a few.
I checked facebook a while after, and found that Emily had tagged me in a photo. She had changed her profile picture to one of us two in Barcelona. It was the one where we were sitting on the platform in Park Güell, she smiling into the camera and me kissing her cheek with closed eyes. All of the city in the background. She looked so fucking happy, that I caught myself smiling too. The caption of the photo was a simple heart, and it made my heart overheat. God, I missed her. But I would give her the time home with her family. I knew she'd come back to me when she was ready.
I commented a simple heart on the picture too, before logging off Facebook.
The next day I spent with Cook and Freddie out on Cooks boat. They docked it up at the store and bought some provisions for a quick tour to Alberach to walk to the top of it. It was a hot day, and Cook kept making innuendos of my small clothing that in the end made me want to push him off a cliff. With me not being accustomed to steep walks, in addition to being a smoker, it was a hard trip to say at least. But it was a beautiful sight when we reached the top. The trip up and down went by in under two hours, and afterwards we had a nice lunch in Cooks boat which was docked up in the small harbor. And so I'd done this too. I wanted to revisit the mountain with Emily … but in a while. I had to heal from this hike first.
Cook posted the photo of us on the top on Facebook, mostly to show himself without a shirt. I rolled my eyes off it, but figured many of my friends would do a double take of me conquering a mountain.
When Cook shooled me back to my dock, I was knackered after the day, and immediately went inside to take a shower. It was already late afternoon, and I took a book from my room outside to read it in the hammock. I also brought some headphones so I could listen to music as the sun went down. It wasn't long before I put the book away and lifted Tiger who was lazing beneath the hammock, into it to cuddle her instead.
I turned off the music after a while, wanting to hear the soft waves crushing into the pier instead. This sound lulled me to sleep in the end, and I faintly acknowledged Tiger jumping out of the hammock after a while.
If I had kept track of what was going on around me instead of falling asleep, I had noticed the soft footsteps coming over to me. But I didn't. But when the hammock started to rustle a bit, and I smelled that familiar perfume, I knew who was there. I smiled through my sleepiness, and smiled even more as she quietly slipped in beside me.
Her hands came around me to hold me, and she squirmed as close as possible. I buried my face in her hair as usual, taking big whiffs to secure myself that she's there. I clinched my hand around her cardigan clothed shoulder, turning more into her.
"I missed you, girl." she whispered. Her voice set something afire inside me. It filled my tummy with warmth. This was love.
"I missed you too," I kissed her temple, "don't let it be so long next time, yeah?"
"I completely agree."
We laid like that for a while, bashing in each others presence again. The stillness was nice, having her there was more than nice. God, how I had missed her.
"You climbed a mountain today." she chuckled after a while.
"Yeah, remind me to never do that again." I breathed out violently, feeling how some parts of my body were really sore.
"We'll climb lots of mountains in our future." she giggled further. I groaned.
"Only if we take cable cars." I whispered into her hair, reminding her of Barcelona. She sighed.
"Is everything okay at home?" I asked after a while.
"Mmm, yeah. I've talked way too much in these past few days."
"And are you okay?"
"Yes, I am now. I'm always okay with you." she murmured.
"You know what I mean." I sighed, wanting to know if she'd had nightmares or whatever.
"I know, and I promise you that I'm fine. Yes, I've had unpleasant flashbacks, but that's all they are. It's in the past, and you're my future. I don't want to dwell on it, yeah? They'll go away."
"Only if you're sure.." I muttered.
"I am. And now, onto something else, mum has invited you over for dinner on thursday." Emily smiled.
"She have? And I'll be there as, what, your girlfriend?" I drew back to look at Emily with big eyes. The first time I'd looked at her since sunday, really.
"Yes, she has agreed to somewhat try regarding us. I don't think she's quite there, but what happened in Barcelona gave her a good scare. And after I talked her away from it being your fault, she actually suggested the dinner."
"Wait, she's not quite there? So you can't guarantee that she won't boil me alive when you turn away for a second?"
"Well.." Emily stalled, "I don't know, but I think I want to give her benefit of the doubt this time. And I understand if you don't want to come, but it would really mean a lot."
"Of course I'll come, Em, I just want to know what to expect." I assured her. There were never an outcome in this where I wouldn't attend the dinner.
"Good." Emily smiled adorably.
"Can I bring mum?" I asked after a second. I knew that she had conversed a bit with Jenna and Rob recently, so she would be a great weight on my side in all of this. One couldn't be too careful, could one?
"Fine." Emily snickered.
I found my way to her lips, kissing her delicately. She played with the small hair in my neck, which I loved so much.
"Stay here tonight." I proposed.
"Wouldn't be anywhere else." She smiled into the kiss.
.
Okay, so major apology to everyone I scared the shit out of! I'm sorry for leaving such a cliffhanger, but I just wanted to give you the same kind of shock that Naomi got when she walked out that door.. And therefore understand her thoughts a bit more in this chapter.
So, DesolateMoondust, you can breathe safely now, no deathbeds in sight :)
