I wrote this while on a trip for a fencing tournament when I just couldn't take studying for Chemistry anymore. So good for you, not quite so for me unless I manage to ace this test. Here's your chapter!
Please enjoy my hard work to make you laugh!
One day a lady goes to the store, and buys a pair of high heels. The next day, at her job, she died because she was wearing high heels. Where does she work, and how does she die?
… … … … …
"Really Mr. Roach?"
She flinched back as the reality of what she had said finally came home to her. She had been trying so hard not to say it, and she had thought that she had been doing so well also!
And now it was all tumbling down around her ears. The smirk on Sasuke's face told her that this mistake could possibly be fatal.
For her. Just in case there was any doubt, I thought it would be best to go ahead and put it out that this mistake could potentially be fatal to Cin.
Now she was desperately praying that Orochimaru really needed her, or else she'd get to know what it would be like to…it's rather difficult to use a good metaphor if she doesn't know what his preferred method of killing is. But somehow she doubted it would be something as cute and cuddly as "sleeping with the fishies". One, because she doubted that these villains would ever use the term "fishie", and two, something told her that his symbol was a snake for a reason, namely a way of killing with them, perhaps?
And however much she loved snakes, she would much rather not learn , thank you very much. She liked her innards poison-free, without a dash of fang, and her lungs in their normal space instead of squished into weird and unproductive shapes.
Yeah, that would definitely put a damper on her career to become a doctor…and why the EXPLETIVE (meanwhile, Hidan was swearing in pain as the Konoha shinobi appeared confused to see a huge rock suddenly fell out of the open sky in Cin's backyard to hit the Jashinist on his head) was she thinking about that when she was in a very bad situation here ("very bad" being a bit of an understatement…but only a bit).
Getting sidetracked was a very bad idea at the time! Her amber eyes darted back to stare at Orochimaru, who seemed to be taking a deep breath with his eyes closed, in a very familiar expression to her, this being whatever Alex did whenever she was being particularly vexing.
Gah! Sidetracked again!
…
[Speaking of getting sidetracked, let's get back to our favorite weasel!]
"I would really appreciate you stopping that."
[And I would really appreciate being recognized as a Best-Selling Author, but we all know that's not happening anytime soon.]
"Stop looking for pity, Malice-san. Digging for compliments doesn't suit you."
[Contradictions, 'tachi? Are you feeling sick again?]
"Who wouldn't after being fed up with people whose only purpose in life seem to be making you go insane?"
[Ooh, weird "?" combo! You really must be sick!]
"I thought we'd established that already."
[But speaking of driving you insane, there is more questions and comments for you!]
"Oh joy. Just get it over with, won't you?"
[I'd get it over with faster if you'd just stop talking!]
"Just go," his voice sounded really exhausted.
[Going! AnimeVamp1997 – "To Chi-chan: In response to your question on weather or not I want you to go insane, yes, yes I do. It's for my entertainment you see, and NOTHING gets in the way of my entertainment. Especially when it's involves my sadistic pleasure. The great Chi-chan falls into insanity because of a hyperactive (And maybe a bit not right in the mind) girl! Now wouldn't that be great to see! XDDD Now Chi-chan, I do so hope that you live through your encounter with a sugar high Tobi, because if you die I wouldn't have my entertainment. And you'll find out soon enough why everyone's talking about Sasuke~ :3 Fufufu~ Duck-Ass-Hair~! (I would say something incredibly rude to you right here that would severly impair your peide and dignity, but I won't. I can actually restrain myself, unlike Cin~! :D) Byebye Chi-Chan!"]
"I knew it. And I won't dignify that with a response."
[You just did, Itachi-san!]
"Shut up."
[Wow! It looks like the weasel is turning into a real boy! Did you finally live up to your deal with the Blue Fairy.]
"I hope you're not talking about Kisame."
We both pause as the image of Kisame as the blue fairy enters ours (and your) heads, and immediately wish for some sort of brain bleach.
"We never speak of this again."
[Agreed. Moving on, SakuraDreamerz – "To Itachi: I wish you good luck in finding Cin *hands him a katana* And I hope this will cut him down! Gaahh! Oro's there too! Hurry!"]
"Wait, what?"
[Moving on! New comment, new comment! HKTM - "Please don't fix the fourth wall because talking to an author is cool and please tell Sasori-san to stop playing with barbie dolls~ and say Hi to Tobi for me!"]
"I fail to see how Malice-san is 'cool' in any way."
But he took his phone out and texted the message anyways.
The response came back quite quickly.
{I will kill Deidara! I told him to stop spreading that rumour! It's not true!}
[Methinks the puppeteer protests to much.]
"Tobi responded with a very happy response. Thank you so much, now he thinks I actually like him! I have to build up his belief that I absolutely despise him again!"
[Next! The self-proclaimed Keeper of the Fourth Wall would like to tell you that he is extending the deadline to Chapter 33.]
"Well, that's good. Tobi's currently refusing to write, claiming he's got writer's block."
[I had a feeling you'd like it. SkyTheLugia – "Hi there Ita-chan,the hyper fangirl(Sasuke better watch himself!) haz returned!It'd be a real shame if the fourth wall was fixed...you might never know when you need stuff that the fans give ya!Wouldn't want to know what you're gonna do to Tobi with that tranquilizer,but here's a bottle of chloroform in case the tranquilizer doesn't work."]
"How did Sasuke get involved in all this."
[That's for me to know and you to eventually find out. Now keep reading.]
"Thank you for the chloroform, I guess," he said grudgingly, "But I would rather manage without it if I couldn't hear your voices. Also, if the Fourth Wall wasn't being continuously broken, then I wouldn't need either the tranquilizer or the chloroform, now would I?"
[Be nice, 'Tachi!]
"That was me being nice."
[…do you know what the really sad part about that was?]
"What?" Itachi rolled his eyes.
[I believed every word. Okay, fun-time with Itachi is done! Let's get back to the real world!]
…
Itachi blinked as he suddenly reappeared in the backyard of Cin's house, and gave a sigh of relief to see that it didn't appear as though anyone had even noticed his absence. He didn't feel like trying to give a reasonable explanation, knowing full well that the others have been losing respect for him with the Fourth Wall. Hidan and Deidara didn't even fear him anymore. Hm, he would have to fix that. Perhaps after he fixed the Wall and they had rescued Cin so he would actually have free time…hm, perhaps if he could get rid of the annoying author, he could break the fact that everyone seemed to like Cin and since he couldn't offer her (she was too valuable for that), he could definitely make everyone stop treating her like a best friend or a favored pet. She needed to be disciplined before she got herself into trouble with that big mouth of hers.
…
Speaking of a certain big mouth, it looked like Orochimaru had finally calmed down enough to reopen his eyes and put on what he obviously thought was (but was obviously not) a very charming smile.
"Iiiiii thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink, you missssssssshearrrrrrrd, meeeee, Missssss Ciiiiindrrrrrrrrrraa. My naaaaaame issssssssss Orrrrrrochiiiiiiimarrrrrrrru."
The young adult nodded eagerly, thankful that he had come up with a good excuse for her. Behind his back, she could see Sasuke slump a little, a disappointed look on his face. It looked as though he had really been hoping to kill her.
Too bad, Duck-Butt-Head, she liked living.
"Oh, I am ever so sorry, Mister Orochimaru!" she used her most innocent voice and spoke as innocently as she could, biting her tongue when "Roach" wanted to come out instead of his given name, "I must have misheard you!"
Please, please, please let him think she was in earnest instead of mocking him; she prayed this to whatever deity you might prefer. He seemed like he could have a very short fuse at times.
And she didn't want to be standing on the barrel of compressed flour when the fuse finally burned down to reach it. Her body wasn't perfect, but she liked it enough to really really not want it to be rearranged.
Either he bought it, or she really was too important to kill right away, but he seemed to accept this argument to be true and didn't push it.
"I thaaaaaaaat youuuuuuuuu haaaaaaaaavvvve a giiiiiiiiiiiiiift, Missssssssssssss Ciiiiiindrrrrrrrrrrra. A gifffffft forrrrrr heeeeeeaaaaaaaaliiiiing."
Her first instinct was to lie like it was going out of style, to lie like her pants were going to light on fire. But then it hit her that this wasn't a question. Orochimaru obviously knew, and Sasuke did too. And they both knew that she knew, as well as both knowing that she knew that they knew that she knew about the existence of her powers. Therefore denying them might not help the case she was trying to make, namely that was completely naïve and maybe a little ditzy.
"Oh, yes, Mister Orochimaru, the Akatsuki mentioned that to me, but they're really mean about it!"
It was attempt to reuse the strategy she had when she was taken by Konoha (namely lie like mad, get in their good graces, and then leave the moment the Akatsuki showed up, whenever that might be). She could only hope that it could be successful.
Probably not. This S-class shinobi didn't seem the type to trust people like the Konoha shinobi, and his Duck-Butt-Head sidekick even less so. And besides, something told her that the Akatsuki wouldn't have a very easy time of invading this…lair would be a good word, she supposed. If it was easy, they would've destroyed him long, long, long ago. They had never made any secret of their intense dislike and anger towards the serpentine criminal. And she supposed the feeling was mutual, especially considering the look that flashed over Orochimaru's face as she mentioned the Akatsuki.
He might suspect that she would be lying, but so long as she didn't make it obvious, they might both continue to pretend that this charade was reality, all the while with both of them watching for the right moment to make their move, for better or for worse.
He might have experience and cunning on his side, but she had…no, she didn't have that, but she had…nope, didn't have that either, how about…nope, that was going to be next week's lesson. Okay, so she didn't really have anything that was going to get her out of this mess. All she had was her ability to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, and let's face it, that was more likely to get her killed than anything else.
"Hhhhhhhow wooooooooould you liiiiiiiiiike to leeeeeeeeearn hoooooooooow to ussssssssssse yourrrrr pooooooooowerssssssssssssssss?"
"Oh really? That would be just nifty!"
Okay, maybe this was laying it on a little too thick. And since when did her innocent act revert to the 1950s? That's it, no more of those old movies.
"Good!" he smiled rather evilly, "Then let's begin."
Cin blinked, completely confused, "Where did the hissing go?"
"Oh, I use that for first meetings and my enemies. My evil consultant said that it gave a better atmosphere and made me seem more fearsome. Does it work?"
She gave a huge smile, "You betcha!" but in her head, she was thinking 'If it didn't sound like you had a lisp instead'.
"See!" he turned to Sasuke, "I told you it worked!"
The Uchiha rolled his eyes at this, but Orochimaru had turned back to the healer.
Okay, this might just work after all. She wasn't dead yet after all. Surely she'd be able to survive till the Akatsuki came and got her out…or maybe she should figure out a way to escape herself and escape the world of shinobi completely since her friends were likely going to put her under house arrest for the rest of her life.
Completely unlikely to happen, but it's a nice hope.
However, let's not count our chickens before they hatch. That would need luck, and this seemed like something she was lacking lately.
Didn't all the community service she'd done count for something as far as karma was concerned?
