Chapter Twenty-Nine: ALIENS JIM, ALIENS!
A van pulled over by the sidewalk leading to the beach where a supposed unidentified flying object was reported to have landed moments ago.
"Live from Brighton pier, This is Jim News. My name is Jim," Jim walked mid-squat, almost resembling a crab as the cameraman followed him in a similar fashion, stepping onto sandy beach, "Jim received news from Jim HQ that a space pod had crash landed on the shoreline."
As they moved closer to the place where people on the beach were gathering, the news reporter continued to walk like that.
Jim walked leaned closer to the camera, "We must be very Jim, Jim. We don't know what kind of Jim is in that pod." He paused, "What if it's a hostile alien, Jim? An alien with a pewee instead of a shooty?"
The solo crewman did not respond, mute as always.
"Excuse me, Jim and Jim coming through with Jim News!" Still, Jim walked like a crab, microphone pressed to his lip.
They stopped when the rubbery pod slowly deflated and a figure emerged from behind it.
"Is that Markiplier?" A teenage girl said, pointing to the man. "And Jacksepticeye?!"
"DARKIPLIER TOO?!" Another teen said, "OH MY GOD!"
People with smartphones started recording, all pointed at the three men.
The reporter glanced at the camera that was pointed at the unfolding scene. "Jim, the alien people referred to as Markiplier has four legs, four arms, and two heads."
The crowd just stared at Jim with their eyebrows raised.
Jim went closer, as did the cameraman, "Oh no, Jim! It appears to be carrying a green haired human specimen in its arms! They must have probed the poor man's anal cavity!"
The reporter gasped upon seeing Mark and Dark's facial features, "Egad! They have evolved into a less attractive version of us, Jim! And soon they will take over the earth!"
"Will someone help me?" Mark said in a low voice, struggling to prevent the unconscious Seán from falling off his arms.
"Oh my God!" Jim dropped to his belly on the sand, pushing his head up with his arms, "The alien has fully adapted to our language!"
"What are you talking about, Jim?" Mark asked, now looking down on the news anchor.
"IT KNOWS MY NAME JIM! IT CAN READ MINDS!" Jim screamed, flopping on the sand like a seal and leaving a trail behind him, "ALIENS JIM! ALIENS! RUUUUUUN!"
The news crew fled the scene leaving a confused Mark and a handful of beach goers standing there.
He walked a few more steps, his path resembling that of a drunken man, "A little help please?"
A number of people came to their aid, taking Seán from Mark's arms finally relieving him some of the weight bearing down on him.
"Thank you." He sighed as his knees buckled, falling on the sandy shore.
"Stand aside! Doctor coming through!" Mark heard a familiar voice approaching.
Dr. Iplier parted the crowd and stood in front of him, reaching for his stethoscope and putting it on Mark's head.
"I'm sorry," Dr. Iplier bowed his head, glancing at his clipboard, "...but you're dying."
"No he's not. What is death, anyway?" Someone else said as their hand pushed the doctor to the side.
Mark was now face to face with a splitting image of himself with the exception of the person having a distinct pink mustache.
"William," Mark's head was now swimming, his vision started to dim, "B-boy, am I glad to see you."
"Good to see you too, old chap." Wilford smiled, patting his head.
Through Mark's fuzzy eyesight he saw Bob and Wade appear behind Wilford.
"H-hey guys!" He said, voice cracking.
"You did it, you caught Damien." The colonel blew on his mustache, looking past Mark and seeing the back of Damien's vibrant red hair behind Mark.
"I-I to-told you I can do it." Mark's eyes were half shut now, his chest heaving, "Now if you'll excuse me I need to..."
"Need to what?" Wilford asked, "Pass out?"
"Yeah." Mark nodded, "I'm passing out now."
At that instant, Mark lost all motor controls as his arms dropped to his sides before falling backwards.
Everything went black.
Mark awoke to the sound of beeping, he opened his eyes letting the light slowly creep in and allowing his vision to clear up. He was staring at a ceiling of a room, and he knew it was a hospital room based on the familiar sound of the heart rate monitor to the left side of his bed.
As soon as he regained some of his senses, he felt a warm hand holding his. He lifted his head up and saw a blonde-haired woman asleep and slumped on the side of his bed.
"A-Amy?" Mark croaked through his sore throat.
She lifted her head up, making out a moan as she awoke from her slumber. They met eye to eye, Mark's heart fluttered and Amy grinned.
"You're finally awake, babe." She said, moving closer to kiss him.
Mark gladly accepted the kiss, feeling fuzzy inside when their lips touched.
"Wh-what happened?" He rubbed his aching head, still feeling woozy from what he could guess was from the medicines the doctors must have administered.
"Tyler said he found you unconscious on the floor back at our house."
"He-WHAT?!" He gasped, still trying to regain control of his body.
"Easy, Mark." She grabbed his hand, "He said you hit your head against something."
"Wh-where's Darkiplier?"
"Darkiplier?"
"Yeah... we caught him." Mark shook his head.
"Okay," She raised an eyebrow, "What are you talking about?"
"Tyler, Ethan, and I caught him in his space station." Mark said, his heart racing.
"Space station?" Amy tilted his head, her lips now curved to a frown, "You went to space?"
"Yeah!" Mark's jaw trembled, his thoughts pushing back the worst, "You were there and we rode on a ship to get to outer space."
"Honey, you've been out for three days."
"Wh-what?" He said, tears beginning to stream down his face, "D-Did... w-was it just a dream? A f-fever dream?"
She shrugged.
"Oh God..."
Just as Mark was about to break down in tears, Amy let go of his hand and walked to the door.
"Alright, I can't take any more of this," She sighed, pulling open the door and revealing three men standing there, two still in their white jumpsuits while the third one in an all black casual attire.
"GOTCHA!" Tyler yelled before bursting into laughter.
Mark sat up, snatched his pillow, and hurled it at Tyler in a fit of rage, "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"
"I fucking got you like I always do!" He stepped inside the room, allowing Mark to clearly see that he had bandages on his hands and some band-aids on his face that had some bruises.
Ethan followed, also recovering from the injuries he had sustained. Seán came in lastly, rounding up the group.
"I hate you and everything you ever stand for!" A wave of relief washed over him, the weight in his chest finally gone, "Jesus, and to think I was gonna fall for that 'it was all a dream' trope!"
"But that would be a shitty way to end it, right?" Tyler said, "All that buildup for nothing."
"I know." The agent said, "Thank God the author's not a sick bastard, he's just a fucking troll."
"Good to see you alive and well, buddy." Tyler smiled, pulling Mark for a hug.
That was when Mark felt the bruises and woulds all over his body sting, especially his shoulder wound, it was also the time he realized that his entire right arm was in an arm sling.
"OW! Watch it! I'm still sore!" He pushed his friend off of him. Mark huffed, folding his arms over his chest, wincing at his injuries, "I'm gonna get you for that, dipshit. Just you wait."
"But seriously, you were out for three days." The tall man said.
"What would you expect from a man who went into intensive training for three weeks, leapt from building to building, got sent to outer space, and then crash landed to earth?" Mark slumped down on his bed and rubbed his head, "Man, my body feels like pudding."
"But you did it, Bumbum." Tyler said, sitting on a chair beside Mark, "You finally caught Darkiplier."
"What a way to start your career as a superspy." Ethan remarked, "You outdid yourself up there. K is impressed."
"Nah, it's not just me. It's a collective effort." Mark pushed himself up, scooting over to the side of his bed and dangling his legs over the edge, "I couldn't have done it without you guys."
Ethan and Tyler smiled.
"So let me correct it," Mark chuckled, "We did it."
"Sounds fair." Ethan said.
"Even Jack over there." Mark said, beaming at the green-haired man who was quietly standing a few feet away from them.
"Ah, it's nothing, my dude." Seán mumbled, running a hand through his thick neon green hair, "Even though I have no idea what the fuck was going on back there."
Mark and Seán exchanged glances, both showing a sign of acknowledgement of their efforts.
"Where is he?" Mark asked, suddenly remembering, "Where is Damien?"
"He has been taken to the maximum security prison on the outskirts of town." Tyler replied, looking at his feet.
"Good." Mark said, but felt his heart sink upon learning the news, looking down at the ground in deep thought.
It was followed by a brief moment of silence.
"Anyway," Tyler spoke up, "Felix wants to see us for a debriefing once you're all patched up and able."
"Alright." Mark complied.
Ethan turned to Seán who was standing behind them, pointing to the Irishman's belly, "And once the MacGuffin exits this guy's bunglehole."
