My last morning at Hogwarts; I'd pictured this day so many ways over the past few years. I'd imagined leaving with my friends, glad that I would finally be able to leave the mansion, and hopefully create an escape for Mum as well. And then, more recently, I'd imagined leaving with Harry so that we could start our life together at Grimmuald or wherever he wanted to go. As long as I was with him, it didn't matter where we were. He was all I need.
But now, after this unexpected turn of events, I would be leaving alone, only to return to the one place I'd longed to escape for the past four and a half years. I would return to the mansion where my father waited, and where I would take up my place in Voldemort's ranks.
I wasn't going home. No, home was with the one I loved. Home was with Harry. And that was the one place I could no longer be. 'It's gonna hurt like hell to leave this place,' I thought, tossing another stone into the still black waters of the lake. I would not only be leaving behind the place where I'd spent the last seven years of my life, but I'd be leaving behind all these memories of my relationship with Harry. It just wasn't fair.
I turned as footsteps approached me. Pansy smiled as she came to my side, looking out over the water for a moment before turning back to me.
"I'm going to miss this place," she said. I nodded.
"Me, too."
"I'm gonna miss us terrorizing the first years down here," a voice called. Blaise was making his way towards us now. He sighed and shook his head as he stopped on the other side of me. "Good times, good times."
I smiled. "Only you would think so, Blaise."
Pansy wrapped her arms around my waist, giving me a side-ways hug. I put my arm around her shoulders, hugging her back.
"I'm sorry things worked out this way, Draco," she whispered. "We were all hoping you and Harry would be together forever."
"So was I," I replied. "Funny how fate works with that, eh?" We stood in silence for a few moments longer. Blaise was the one to break it.
"We should head towards the gates. The carriages will be leaving soon."
We didn't say anything, only followed in silence. Pansy and I each kept an arm around each other on the walk back. I helped her into the carriage before me, pausing as flaming red hair caught my eye. Ginny was walking with Harry, her arm linked with his as she made jokes. He was smiling, something I hadn't seem him do in the past two months. 'At least he's happy,' I thought, though I knew that knowledge would never be enough. Blaise put a hand on my shoulder, drawing me back from my thoughts.
"C'mon, mate," he said quietly, stepping into the carriage. "Let's go." I nodded and climbed in after him. I sighed as the door clicked shut behind me, closing off my last glimpse of the one I loved.
Only a month out of school and already my life had become hell. The Manor was always full of Death Eaters, and the whole house seemed to be overcast by a dark shadow. There was no freedom left there, no joy. Wherever I went, I felt as though I were being watched. Even when Father wasn't home, there was always someone else in the house that seemed to be keeping an eye on me constantly. Bellatrix and Rudolphus moved in, and my aunt's constant outbursts concerning the Dark Lord were growing far more annoying with each passing day. The silence in my rooms was unbearable, and I was missing Harry more and more every day.
I did my best to follow Severus's orders, keeping memories of the relationship Harry and I'd shared locked deep in the back of my mind, focusing all of my power on keeping it hidden from the Dark Lord's prying mind. It wasn't easy, and I hadn't expected it to be. It was getting harder to keep him off my mind. The longer I spent away from him, the more I started to miss him until not thinking about him became impossible.
It was at night that I missed him the most. My bed seemed so empty, so cold. I missed sleeping next to him, holding him in my arms and feeling his heartbeat against me. It'd brought me to tears on more than one occasion, and I felt so pathetic when it did. Harry wasn't crying over me, that much I knew. He hated me. I tried to use this as incentive to hate him back, but it didn't work. I only sank deeper into my depression.
I saw Severus only occasionally, maybe once a week—twice if we were lucky. He was keeping busy passing information to the Order. I'd thought several times about asking him for news of Harry, but held my tongue when he congratulated me on the growing strength of my occlumency. If I brought up Harry, it would only cause trouble.
During the first week of my second month home, my father brought news that there would be a meeting with the Dark Lord in two days—and I would be attending. Needless to say, I was terrified. I'd seen quite enough of Voldemort for my liking, and knowing that I would be forced to spend an entire evening in his presence didn't bring me the same joy as it brought Bella.
"You're first official meeting with the Dark Lord," she cooed as we prepared to apparate to the meeting place. "You should feel honored, Draco. He has shown great generosity in accepting you into his ranks."
"I am," I lied. I, of course, hated the fact that he'd allowed me to become a Death Eater. If my father weren't his right-hand man, I was sure I would have been turned down. If only life could have been so kind….
That meeting was the cause for nightmares weeks afterwards. Sitting in the presence of the Dark Lord for so long was terrifying, and I found myself longing to run from the room. Severus was what kept me in my seat. He sat across from me, and, though he mostly kept his attention on the Dark Lord, would look at me every so often. Our eyes would meet, though not for long, and it seemed to calm me. It was almost as if he was silently telling me to relax. Believe it or not, I did.
I sat in silence, listening as various Death Eaters gave reports of their doings. I listened, with particular interest, when Severus spoke, though I learned nothing more than he'd already told me. The Order was lying low, biding their time, following things closely, and keeping 'the boy' hidden.
There was a prolonged silence when Severus finished, and I found myself hoping that he was the last and we would be able to leave soon. I was dead wrong.
"Thank you, Severus," the Dark Lord's chilling voice called from the head of the table. "And now, to further business…" He stood, pacing back and forth behind his chair. I could see Bella following his every move, enthralled as always with her master. "What is our purpose?" he asked, seemingly to himself. "We purge the world of all those unworthy of living. We create for ourselves a world entirely built of pureblooded wizards, as only the world was meant to be."
There were nods and sounds of agreement around the room. The Dark Lord raised a hand, and silence fell. "And how do we achieve this goal?" Voldemort continued. "By removing those who stand in our way. Dumbledore. The old fool has taunted me for far too long. We will not take a direct path to him—no! He will expect that. Instead, we strike at his heart."
He turned, his hands clenched into fists and resting on the table as he leaned towards us all. "We will move to those he holds dear—his precious mud-bloods!"
There were cheers around the table—all but Severus and I were in agreement with Voldemort's plans. The Dark Lord moved back to his chair, waving a hand to the man on his left. "The list, Peter." Peter Pettigrew stood from his chair and left the room quietly, returning a few moments later with a roll of parchment, which he handed to Voldemort with a bow. I watched as the list was unrolled. It was long. My heart jumped to my throat as I looked at the few names I could see from the distance. I knew those names.
"Sarah and Alexander Creevey," Voldemort read. Death Eaters around the table seemed to know the name, their fists clenching in anger. Creevey. Hadn't there been Creeveys at school? Colin and…Dennis, was it? Yes. The older one carried around that camera…. "They shall be the first to go. But who to send?" The Dark Lord grinned terribly as he looked around at us. "The Lestranges, yes. Yaxley, of course…" He named several others, but I'd stopped listening by then. The Creeveys! He was going to kill the Creeveys! Severus knew them; surely he wouldn't let this happen!
"Lucias, yes, yes….One more ought to do…Ah, how about our newest recruit?" All eyes turned to me. Bella cackled from the corner.
"Yes, My Lord," she cooed, grinning at me. "A perfect initiation for dear Draco."
I looked around me, taking in the horrible looks of approval I was receiving. My father was impossible to read. He was either pleased—or very, very angry. My eyes rested on Severus. He hadn't been expecting this—he was upset. Oh, gods. What have I gotten myself into?!
"You've got to do something!" I exclaimed. "You can't just let them be slaughtered, Severus!"
"I can't tell the Order now! It's too soon! He'll know someone betrayed him, Draco!" Severus replied.
"The Creeveys, Severus!"
"I know who they are, Draco."
"How can you just—"
"It hurts, Draco. It does, believe me. It's the worst part of all of this, knowing someone innocent will die and there's nothing that you can do."
"I can't do it, Severus. I can't kill them!"
"And you won't have to. You need only go. You won't be expected to kill—I know that much."
"Severus…"
"I'm sorry, Draco. I'm sorry for all of this."
I sighed. We would leave tomorrow at sundown—heading to the Creevey home to rid it of its inhabitants. It wasn't right. It just wasn't right.
I'd never been more terrified than I was that night as I paced my bedroom, waiting for the fateful hour when I'd be called to duty. I paused as I passed the window, looking out through the glass as the sun sank behind the trees.
"Draco!" My father's voice echoed loudly up the stairs. It was time. I picked my wand up from the dresser, tucking it into my robes as I left the room, closing the door behind me. I made my way down the stairs slowly, deliberately trying to post-pone the moment that I knew was coming. Very soon I would be watching fellow students die at the hands of the people waiting for me downstairs. It was not something I was looking forward to.
What I saw that night, and on several other nights over the next four months, will haunt me for the rest of my life. The destruction I witnessed, the total desecration of the houses and lives that were wrecked, will fill my nightmares for years to come. And the death….the blank stares of the lifeless eyes and the looks of terror etched forever into their faces are permanently burned into my mind. When I close my eyes, I can see them—Colin and Dennis Creevey, Michael Corner, Terry Boot—all from school, and now all dead, along with their parents. And I'd been there when it happened—I'd watched them die….and I'd done nothing to stop it.
I thought I'd known what war was like, what it meant to see people dead—but I'd had no idea. It's worse than anyone could ever imagine—and it affects you on such a high level…you're never the same.
After the blood-filled night that resulted in the death of the Corner family, I slipped into a deeper depression than ever before. I didn't speak—not to anyone but Severus, and I was fairly quiet around him. I ate little. I just didn't have an appetite. I couldn't sleep. The nightmares kept me awake.
Every night I would relive the murders…and every night I would see my classmates killed again and again. I watched the light leave little Dennis Creevey's eyes as the Killing Curse hit him in the chest. What hurt the most was that he'd seen me. I had watched the recognition, and then the horror come to his eyes as he looked at me. I had been the last thing he'd seen before he died.
I felt terrible, which is probably the biggest understatement in the history of the world. I would lay in my bed for hours, staring at the ceiling and wishing I'd made a different choice—that I'd not given in to my father…that I'd stayed with Harry. This is where Severus found me the next time he visited—nearly two weeks after the Boot murders.
He knocked lightly on the door, but I didn't get up. I didn't make a sound. He came in anyway, knowing that I wouldn't answer. I didn't move from my place on the bed, and I knew that he didn't expect me to. He stayed there by the door, telling me what he news he could, and apologizing for not coming sooner.
"I was held up. Remus insisted on gathering the Order together for a meeting so I could discuss what I knew with all of them. The murders have hit them hard—"
"Pointless killing," I whispered. "That's all it is. There's no reason for it. They're innocent, every last one of them." I turned to face him, tears slipping from my eyes. "I can't do this anymore, Severus. I can't stand to see another innocent family killed."
He moved to my side as I sat up, wiping my eyes. His arm came around my shoulders, hesitant, but still comforting all the same. "You're right, Draco," he replied quietly. "It was wrong of me to make you go through with it all for this long. Get up and pack. I'm taking you away from here."
I looked up at him, slightly confused. Was he serious? "Where?"
"Someplace safe. Someplace I know they'll look after you."
I didn't have to be told twice. I stood and pulled a bag from beneath my bed, shoving every bit of clothing I could find into it, along with a few things of sentimental value. Severus paced back and forth before the door, pausing occasionally to watch me or tell me to hurry.
"Take only the necessities. They'll be able to provide you with anything else you need once you're there. I hope Molly doesn't mind an extra body in the house."
"Molly?"
"Weasley."
"You're taking me to the Weasleys?"
"Yes. I'm placing you under care of the Order. They know the situation with you, I've told them everything. Remus won't turn you away, this much I know."
I couldn't help it—I rushed to him, hugging him tightly. He stood still for a moment, probably in shock, before I felt a light pat on my back. He held onto my shoulders, pushing me away from him and back towards my bag.
"The others won't be happy—Potter least of all. But there's no other place I can think of that…."
I didn't hear anything else he said for quite a while after that. 'The others won't be happy—Potter least of all…' I was going to see Harry!
