"Fear is only as deep as the mind allows."
-Japanese Proverb

29

Disillusioned Merriment

As the weeks delved deeper into the snowy and chilling month of December, Harry thought of what he would do if he met Sirius Black, but so far there had not been a single word of him in the newspapers. He seemed to have disappeared off the face of the Wizarding World.

As the rest of the students went to Hogsmeade on Saturday morning, Harry stayed behind, not wanting to sneak away for a Butterbeer. He would much rather sneak around the Hogwarts grounds, where it was much more probable for Black to be, hoping maybe for a peep at him.

So as the other students giggled and joked cheerfully, sipping warm drinks and eating magical sweets, Harry grabbed his Invisibility Cloak and wandered around the cold, snow-covered grounds, making barely discernible footprints in the snow. He shivered as he glanced into the forest of branches, which was creepier than if the trees were overgrown with dark leaves. Walking around the frozen Black Lake, Harry stared around him, hoping to catch the swishing of a black robe running toward the castle, but there was nothing.

The only other living creatures on the grounds were the two Dementors near the main doors. He could tell that they knew he was there since they seemed to facing him, though he was sure they didn't have a face.

After nearly an hour of walking, his fingers, toes, and ears were starting to numb from the cold. Harry entered the castle, quickly rushing past the black-robed Dementors, who turned as he walked by, to get into the warmth.

His search had been unproductive, but he hadn't been expecting to find him anyway. The two other times he had gone out, he hadn't seen Black either. But Harry wasn't giving up so easily.

--

Of all the gifts Harry had gotten on Christmas morning, the best and most surprising one was the last.

The most unfortunate were the presents he hadn't gotten and never would get again – from Weasley, Granger, Hagrid, and Mrs. Weasley. He would never be getting another Weasley sweater again. No more cheerful, misspelled words on stiff fairycakes. The others from Blaise, Draco, and Mr. Malfoy were both good and expected: another eagle feather quill from the Malfoy household for being a friend of the family. But the last was the greatest, although he had no idea whom it was from.

As he had untied and unwrapped the long, thin parcel, Harry had stared in amazement with wide eyes. He had almost yelled out at seeing the slender, polished wood with the thin bristles at the end, curved perfectly. The gleaming, golden words "Firebolt" had stared back at him with glee.

Now, he and Draco were outside in the courtyard, flying around the spectacular broomstick. Harry could feel the freezing air against his face, numbing his cheeks and making them rosy. He flew around three times before dropping back down and handing it to Draco so he could try.

"This is bloody fantast-eeek!" Draco cried as he went soaring, his blond hair being swept back.

As he watched his friend grip the broom to fly faster, someone coughed behind him. The Hit Wizard he had seen trying to stop Black was standing behind him, wand in hand. "You shouldn't be outside alone with Black on the loose," he said, his eyes moving to Harry's scar.

"My friend and I were just trying out my new broom," Harry replied. "Once he comes down, we'll leave."

"Make sure you do," the man said, shivering from the cold. "It's not safe out here."

The Hit Wizard left as Draco came down, panting slightly. "Who was that?"

"Hit Wizard. Says we have to leave," said Harry.

"Who cares what he says. He's gone now."

"We might as well go in though. It's freezing out here and I'm hungry."

The two of them departed, going first to the Dungeons to stow away Harry's new broom and then going up for something to eat. As they went up, knowing that there would be no one around since the entire school had left for the holidays, Harry and Draco debated where the broom had come from.

"I've no idea who it's from. Could be from anyone, really," Harry voiced.

"Well, it's got to be from someone you know. Who else would spend so much on you?"

"You're asking me? It doesn't seem likely that it's anyone I know. The only possible answer would be your father."

Draco shook his head. "No, if it were him, he would've added a note with his name. He would want you to know that it was him."

Harry considered Dumbledore, but knew it couldn't be since he couldn't spend that much money on a student. He thought of Lupin, and apparently so had Draco because his friend said, "What about Lupin? He seems to like you."

"Well, considering the man has no new robes, I don't think he has enough money to buy me a broom."

"Didn't think about that," Draco replied as they got to the empty Great Hall.

No one had mentioned it, but Harry knew that nearly everyone had left because Black was on the loose and obviously hanging around Hogwarts to get at him. No one had to say it because he knew. They should just blame him for what's going on. Honestly, he was surprised no one had already.

--

As Harry and Draco entered the Great Hall, they saw the twelve immense trees covered with gold, silver, and red ornaments with glowing stars atop. Floating white candles were lit above their heads and snow that melted before touching them descended gently from the ceiling. A small crowd of people were sitting at a single table in the center of the room.

Dumbledore, who was wearing a red party hat, waved for them to come over and sit. As Harry sat next to Draco, he noticed that the only students present were Weasley and Granger, who were very intent on ignoring him, a small first year Ravenclaw girl with pigtails, a burly sixth year Hufflepuff boy, and a giggling fourth year Hufflepuff girl with strawberry blonde hair and purple glasses.

Harry had the unfortunate circumstance of sitting beside Snape, who moved his elbow away so it wouldn't touch him. Further down the long table were McGonagall, whose pulled back bun sported a string of twinkling lights; Sprout, who was wearing a green party hat; Flitwick, who was humming tunes merrily to himself; Filch, who was petting Mrs. Norris in his lap as he picked at his food; and Trelawney, whose shawls were red and green for the occasion.

"Dig in," Dumbledore told them as they got comfortable.

Harry poured himself a large glass of pumpkin juice before putting warm, delicious food on his plate. As he bit into warm bread, he realized that Lupin was missing from the table. "Where's Professor Lupin?"

"He's fallen ill," Dumbledore responded, taking from a platter in front of him. "Unfortunate that it had to happen on Christmas."

"Mmm! Harry, try one of these!" Draco said, handing him a small, breaded food from a tray.

After the main course, scrumptious desserts of chocolate and vanilla filled the trays in front of them. The pumpkin juice disappeared to be replaced with a bubbly mint drink that made Harry feel lighter than air.

Not soon after, the young first year girl left the room after yawning too many times, saying she was tired. The people that remained drank energetically, hiccupping from the bubbles. At the end of the table was a small, old fashioned radio, which Dumbledore tapped twice with his wand and it began to emit holiday-inspired songs.

It seems that Trelawney was drinking something other than the minty drink because her hiccups didn't stop and she seemed to be swaying slightly in her seat. As the celebration was drawing to a close, she decided to leave a bit early and stood up. She then gasped, putting a hand to her mouth.

"What is it, Sybill?" Dumbledore asked calmly.

"Thirteen," she mumbled.

"Pardon?"

"There are thirteen at this table and I am the one who stood up," Trelawney gasped. "Something horrible is going to happen!"

"Oh, calm yourself," McGonagall insisted. "Nothing's going to happen."

Trelawney gave her a dark look before giving a goodbye nod to Dumbledore and the rest of the table. She then stalked away, swaying slightly as she went.

Harry watched her leave as the fringe of the shawls flew gently behind her. Perhaps she was right though. Maybe something horrible was going to happen to her. She had been right so far about Finnigan's mother, even on the count of Weasley having to scream on Halloween night, and Harry had seen a giant, black dog numerous times already. Maybe Trelawney should be worried.

--

"Where're you going?" Draco asked, the next afternoon, from one of the couches in the common room. His legs were hanging over the side, his head was resting on a fluffy pillow as he lied back, reading a book.

"I'll be right back. Just going to ask someone something," he responded before leaving the room.

Harry should have done this a month ago when it was fresh in his mind, but the matter was still of importance, even if he hadn't been affected since the Quidditch match. So he made his way toward Lupin's office, hoping that he was there because he knew he was ill yesterday. He knocked on the door twice and at first there was no response, but then he heard a quiet reply.

When Harry entered, he first noticed how pale his professor was and how even more tattered his robes were. Lupin smiled as he walked in. "Harry, it's nice to see you."

"How're you feeling?" Harry queried as he took a seat.

"I'm doing well," Lupin responded. "It's unfortunate I couldn't attend the magnificent Christmas dinner. The desserts were probably delicious."

"The desserts were fantastic. So was that bubbly mint drink. I've never had that before."

"It's a special drink that Madam Rosmerta makes for Professor Dumbledore for the holiday." Lupin turned to look at him and asked earnestly, "So, how are you doing? With Black and other matters?"

"I'm fine, I guess," Harry stated. "Haven't heard a word about Black in a while, but I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. The only other problem I have is the Dementors. I don't like being near them, so I've tried my best to be as far from them as possible, but somehow that's not how things end up. And I was hoping you could help me with that."

"I presume you mean the spell I used on the train. Well, it's a very complicated spell, but I don't know…"

"I'm willing to try it," Harry said eagerly.

"That's not what I mean. There's no doubt in my mind that you're keen to practice, but…I have to be honest with you, Harry, I'm disappointed with you. Have been since before Halloween, I just haven't had a chance to talk with you. I'm upset with how you treated Ron, Hermione, and Hagrid."

Harry turned away from Lupin's disillusioned eyes. He didn't want to talk about this, not after having accepted the loss of his friendships, and not with Lupin, whom he considered to be almost a friend. "I'll leave then."

"No. I will help you. You know I will. But I wanted to speak with you first. I wanted to tell you that I was disappointed and that what you did and said showed that you're prone to influence," Lupin expressed. "I'm not preaching here, Harry. No one is perfect. I myself am a great example of that, but I want to help someone who truly wants and needs it. Someone who won't forget who his true friends are. Someone who won't forgot who truly cares about him."

"I do need your help and I haven't forgotten who cares about me," said Harry. "It's just that sometimes it's the people who I think know me the best who are the ones that forget who I am."

Lupin looked at him with sincerity, nodding with understanding as if those he knew forgot who he was at times. And maybe they did. At times even Harry forgot that he was talking to a man that was more than his professor, he was his father's old friend, he was a werewolf, and he was a man that lost more in one day than most people lose in a lifetime.

"At times, we all need guidance, Harry, so I'll help you."

A/N: Sorry if I scared you with Trelawney's little prediction. Just so you know, you need not worry about her this year or the next, but she may come across some trouble in Harry's fifth year. That's all I'll say for now. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! And it's sad that we haven't seen much of Ron or Hermione in a while, isn't it? Well, they will be making an appearance soon!


Preview of Chapter 30—The Silver Protector:

Harry produces a corporeal Patronus, Blaise gets an unwanted letter, and Harry goes on an excursion with Draco and Blaise that doesn't end well, at least not for him…