Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am to a spiritual level beyond material possessions. Therefore, I must borrow everyone else's.


NOVEMBER RAIN: Chapter Twenty-nine: Love Makes People Stupid

The ride to the Institute was silent and long. They had done a field dress on Remy's wound, but it still throbbed. Rogue had tried to drive the motorcycle to give Remy a break, but with only her underclothing, a paper gown, and Remy's trench coat on, she was chilled to the bone. For the last length of the trip, Remy guided the bike through the Westchester country.

When the stone wall and brick mansion of Xavier's school came into view, Rogue tensed and yelled over the engine and the wind, "Stop!"

Remy craned his neck back. "What?"

Rogue grabbed the handlebars and jerked the bike off-balance."Stop!" she repeated as the motorcycle cut to the right and leaned over. The Goth leapt off and ran into the woods.

Remy's luck had finally run out; he shredded his right pant leg against the pavement. After he stopped moving, he shoved the motorcycle off and limped to the last place he had seen Rogue. He called her name, but she didn't respond. Remy tracked her shuffled footprints on the frosted ground. When he found her, she was sitting at the base of a large tree facing away from her home. His coat was wrapped tightly around her body as she clutched her knees and rocked back and forth ever so slightly.

Remy stood staring at her for a few moments before warily asking, "Rogue, what was dat all about?"

The girl turned her head and looked at the ground. "Ah can't go back." She peered up at him with wide eyes. "'Take meh anywhere, Ah don' care.'" She examined Remy's socks on her feet. "'Ah don' care; Ah don' care,'" she mumbled (1).

"But it's your home."

She shook her head. "Ah don' have a home anymore."

The Cajun squatted down and put his hand on her forearm. "De Institute is de safest place. I don't t'ink he'll attack you t'ere. If he does, you'll have your family." He tried to catch Rogue's eye, but she refused to look at him. He sighed. "Runnin' is worse. Believe me, I know."

Remy stood up and stared blankly off to the side. His past and his relationship with Rogue jumbled about in his head. He snorted. "Believe me? Why should you? If I'd told you 'bout t'ose people, we wouldn't be here." Remy kicked the ground and swore.

Finally looking up, Rogue spoke to Remy's back. "Ya self-centered prick." Remy turned his head sharply at the blunt insult. Rogue continued. "How do ya manage ta manipulate every situation ta be your fault? 'Cause Ah don' think ya were the one that ran off without tellin' anyone what was goin' on."

One corner of Remy's mouth turned up. Rogue had gone through hell today, but she still had her spunk. "You forgot de lyin'."

Rogue glared. "Like Ah need that kinda shit from ya right now, Cajun."

"Je suis désolé."

Rogue turned her face from him and brushed some dirt from her leg. "How'd ya figure out where Ah'd gone, anyway?"

Remy sighed. "MZ in your backpack. It was standard recruitin' procedure." Feeling guilty, he shuffled his feet. "Shoulda figured it out earlier. All de clues were t'ere, but I never t'ought -"

Rogue's head snapped up, her voice filled with misplaced anger. "-thought your girlfriend was such an idiot? Ah know. Neither did Ah." Her mouth clasped shut, and Rogue went back to studying the creases in Remy's coat.

Kneeling down next to her, Remy tried to touch her again, but she jerked away. He sighed. "It's not your fault. When Essex sets his sights on someone, not'ing will stop him. I tried to convince him to take me back and let you go, and he only laughed. From de moment he found out 'bout you he wanted you. He'll do anything to convince someone to come to him. He can even make it seem like it was your idea. Wisdom - "

Shaking her head violently, Rogue turned her head with eyes brimming. "No, Remy. Ah knew exactly what Ah was doin'. Ah got the creepy vibe from day one, but Ah ignored it." She snorted. "Up 'til the last minute, Ah thought it might be worth it." She stared at her bare hands.

Remy slouched against the tree and crossed his arms. He had heard this story before. "Worth it to touch anybody you wanted," he said with scorn.

"Fuck you, Remy."

Silence fell between them. In his head, Remy replayed his conversation with Essex about his powers and wondered if he had made the right decision. He considered mentioning the offer to Rogue. He didn't want the touching thing to matter, but it did, especially to her. Would she love him if he could touch her? Or would she only be with him because she could touch him? He didn't want their relationship to be one of convenience for her. He wanted something more. He decided that some secrets were meant to be kept, at least for the present.

A few minutes later, Remy sighed and stood up. Brushing the debris off his pants, he said, "We better be gettin' you back. De whole house is probably waitin' up."

Rogue remained seated and stared at him. "Don't ya get it? I can't go back there. Not after today."

Remy thought he did get it: Rogue didn't want to endanger her family. Except she didn't know Essex like he did. "T'ey'll be in even more danger if you run. If Essex can't find you, he'll strike at dem."

"Is that what happened ta ya?"

Remembering that night, he swallowed hard. "Oui." Rogue waited for him to continue. Taking out a deck of cards, Remy leaned up against a nearby tree and shuffled them. "When I left Essex de first time, it was after I had found out 'bout Callisto and de others. I freed who I could and disappeared." Remy smirked. "He was pissed but couldn't find me. I knew he wouldn't. Scalphunter was a good tracker, but no match for a master t'ief like moi. T'ing is, I didn't realize what lengths he'd go to to get me back.

"Got word t'rough de Guild: Mon frére went missin'. When I got to Orleans, Scalphunter was waitin'. Met him on de roof of de Hibernia Bank Building. He was sitting in a lawn chair wit' Henri tied up on his left and a stroller wit' a baby in it on his right.

"I told him that Essex won. Dat I would go back wit' him like nothin' had happened if he'd let mon frére and de bébé go. Instead of untyin' 'em, Scalphunter picked 'em both up and held 'em over the ledge. He laughed and said de meetin' wasn't 'bout lettin' them go. By meetin' him t'ere, I only won de chance to save one of his hostages."

Remy paused and took a few deep breaths. "De sick bastard dropped 'em. Right in front o' me. I ran as fast as I could, but I knew I could only catch one: Mon frére or some bébé I didn' know. I went after my brother, o' course, and de bébé splattered against de sidewalk." He gulped. "I couldn't figure out why Scalphunter kidnapped a baby to threaten me with. Den I took de tape off Henri's mouth.

"Turns out I did know de bébé. It was my niece Genevieve, Henri's pride and joy." Remy pushed himself off the tree. "Let's just say I'm not welcome back home anymore."

Recalling Arclight's memories, Rogue asked, "Is that when ya killed Scalphunter?"

He shook his head. "Not right away. I didn' know what would happen to me if I did anythin'. Den one day he and Blockbuster went too far. De next time I saw 'em, I did it. Blockbuster put up a fight, but Scalphunter never saw it comin'." Remy fixed his gaze and clenched his jaw. "I don' regret it."

The wind howled through the trees. Rogue pulled Remy's coat tighter around herself. "Remy," she whispered, "Ah'm scared."

Putting his cards away, he shrugged. He knew she wouldn't want to be around a monster like him. "I know. I shoulda told you when you asked, but I hoped de longer I dragged dragged t'ings out, the more you might get to like me, and then it wouldn' matter, but . . ."

Remy tossed a file folder at her feet. "I stole dat from his office. It should tell you every little detail of what he did to you." The Cajun started to walk away, but spoke over his shoulder. "I'll go now. Keep de jacket. You won't have ta worry about me botherin' you anymore. I'll leave you alone dis time."

Rogue cocked her head and squinted at the disembarking form. "Ah'm not scared o' you, ya moron. If ya even think 'bout takin' another step without meh, Ah'll throw an acorn at your head."

The Cajun stopped and turned back. "An acorn?"

Rogue tossed the small seed up in the air and caught it. "They hurt like a mother."

The corner of his mouth turned up slightly, but it fell before it could be considered a smile. His face remained grave. "You aren' scared of me?"

Shaking her head, Rogue repeated, "Stay."

Remy cocked his head to the side. "Why?"

"Ah need ya ta stay with meh. Ah need someone who understands. . ."

Remy waited for Rogue to continue, but her last syllable hung without any sign of recovery. He shook his head. "You don' want me. Not even my family wants me. I'm damaged goods."

"So? We're all damaged goods! (2) What makes ya so special?"

His reply was to the point: "I voluntarily worked for a sinister man who enjoys experimentin' on people, recruited more people for his science projects, killed an innocent bébé, and murdered two co-workers wit'out remorse."

Counting her fingers, Rogue replied, "In the past week Ah've lied ta all of the few people Ah trust and tried ta beat a man ta death with a table leg. And that doesn't count all the craziness goin' on up here 24-7." Rogue pointed to her temple and twirled her finger around. Remy opened his mouth to retort, but Rogue cut him off. "Nothin' trumps other people in your head, so don't even try." They both looked away and let the silence fall.

Replaying the last thing Remy said in her head, Rogue couldn't help but ask, "'Sinister man'?"

Remy rolled his eyes. "John keeps callin' him 'Mr. Sinister,' and it's stuck in my head."

Rogue snorted and shrugged. "It fits him."

Chuckling, Remy added, "He'd hate it. He's a doctor."

"That makes it even better."

The wind gusted through the forest. "I shouldn't stay," Remy argued. Rogue gave him a dirty glance, so he tried to explain himself again. "You don' do stuff you know is wrong. You aren't a killer, Rogue. Dat's de difference between you and me."

"The only reason Ah'm not a killer is 'cause ya stopped meh."

"Non, it's 'cause you tried to kill a guy who can't die. I picked my targets better."

Rogue leaned her head back against the tree. "Seriously, Remy. If it weren't fo' ya, Ah'd be – Ah don't know where Ah'd be. Ya saved meh tonight." Rogue took interest in decaying leaves, moving them around with her finger. "In more than one way."

"One good deed in a sea of bad ones don' make a good man."

"Ah'm not askin' fo' a good man ta stay with meh, Ah'm asking fo' you ta stay!" Rogue snapped. She sighed and calmed herself. When Rogue caught his eye, she asked, "So what'll be, swamp rat? Meh or the acorn?"

Remy looked from Rogue to his feet, then back to the girl. "Trouble follows me. I don' want to bring you any more trouble."

She snorted. "Ah'm an X-Men; trouble's mah life. Yours is barely a drop in the bucket."

"But I lead Essex right to you!"

"How do ya know that? He coulda found meh on Facebook for all ya know."

"You don' have a Facebook."

Rogue paused, then spoke clearly and sincerely. "Remy, it's not your fault."

"But -"

"It's not your fault. It's mah stupid fault. And your niece dyin' – that wasn't your fault either. No matter what your family says."

"Yes -"

"No! Stop puttin' all this stuff that ya had no control over on your shoulders."

"But if I had known -"

"But ya didn't. Just like Ah didn' want ta know Essex was a bad man. Excuse meh, 'sinister man'."

"If I had told you -"

"But ya didn't. Maybe that's somethin' we should work on."

"Now?" he questioned.

Rogue rolled the acorn across her finger tips before looking up. "No, Ah think Ah've had mah fill of drama tonight. All Ah'm askin' ya ta do tonight is stay with meh."

"Askin'? I thought it was stay or face de wrath of Squirrel Girl."

She chucked the oak seed at a fallen tree. "Ah'm not makin' ya do anythin'. Stay or go. Your choice. If ya go, don' expect ta see meh again."

Remy stood in deep thought. She said she wasn't afraid of him, that she didn't blame him for what happened. But could he believe her? Her trust didn't come easy. How could he still have it?

One last look at her face made his decision easy. She was alone and needed someone who understood. Not someone who would try to fix things or judge her like some of the X-Men, but someone who could relate. She had been through one hell of a night, and she desperately needed him. Not Scott, not Kitty, not Logan, but him. He took a seat across from her on the damp ground.

Rogue glanced up briefly. "Good choice."

As Rogue played with her rings in silence, Remy tried to rub the goose-bumps off his arms. "We should be gettin' inside. Don' want to return you scarred and sick. We can talk t'ere."

Shaking her head, Rogue looked up, angry. "Haven't ya been listening? Ah can't go back there!"

Remy sighed. "It's de safest -"

"Ah not talkin' 'bout that!"

"What are you talkin' 'bout?"

Her muscles tightened, and she began to rock back and forth. "Ah don' belong there anymore. Ah can't face them." She stopped rocking for a moment. "Ah'm scared."

"Scared of what, chere?"

She stared intently at the decaying leaves on the ground. "Meh. What Ah was gonna do." Remy opened his mouth to object, but she met his eyes, silencing him. "Do ya know why Ah didn't tell anyone Ah was goin' ta Essex?"

Remy opened his mouth, but shut it after no words came out. After all, Essex's business looked legitimate. What would be so wrong about mentioning it to the X-Men?

Ashamed, Rogue flicked an acorn at an unsuspecting tree. "Ah couldn't. Ah felt like Ah'd be betrayin' them if they knew. Like Ah was saying, 'It's been fun, freaks, but Ah'm gonna go live a normal life now.'"

"Rogue -"

She held up her hand to silence him. "No, Remy. Up 'til that last moment, Ah was ready ta give up everythin' ta be able ta touch ya. That mornin' if Essex had said all he could do was take away mah powers, Ah woulda signed the contract. Ah just . . ." Rogue caught his eye. "Ah'm scared."

Remy moved to her side and put his arm around her. "Sshhh. No one will blame you for t'inking dat. Dey know it's hard for you."

"Thing is, Ah wasn't only gonna change mah DNA today. Ah was changin' meh. That's when Ah realized Ah couldn't go through with it. It already changed meh. Ah lied ta everybody. . . It's like Ah can't even trust myself anymore. Ah'm scared; Ah don't know what ta do!"

"You're gonna go home and apologize. You don' have to tell everythin' if you don' want to. Just dat you made a mistake and got mixed up wit' de wrong crowd. Do me a favor, t'ough: Don' make the same mistake I did. Tell dem to keep an eye out for Malice and Arclight and de others."

Rogue pulled away to look at Remy's face with fear in her eyes."But what's gonna keep meh from doin' somethin' stupid again?"

The trademark smirk appeared. "Dat's what you got me for, chere."

She averted her eyes and curled up in his chest. "For how long?"

Remy took a deep breath to calm himself. "How many times do I have to tell you -"

"'At least once more, swamp rat, as always.'" (3)

"I won' leave you 'cause of your powers."

"Ah wish Ah could believe ya, but Ah can't get ridda that fear that Ah won't be enough. Ah was so scared that ya would leave that Ah almost changed who Ah was so Ah could keep you. Ah don't want ta lose ya, Remy. Ah think- Ah think Ah'm in love with you, and. . . Ah'm stupid. Ah'm so stupid."

Remy could help but smile, even though there were a few tears coming down her cheeks. "Love makes people stupid. Didn' you know that?"

Still clutching Remy's chest, Rogue made a half-shrug. "Never been in love before. Didn't think it would hurt so much."

"Good part is you don' hurt alone."

"Ah don' want to be alone anymore, Remy. Ah don' think Ah can do this alone anymore."

"Do what?"

"Life."

"You better not be talkin' 'bout suicide."

Rogue pushed away and gave him the evil eye. "Ah might be in stupid love, but mah IQ hasn' dropped that much, swamp rat!"

Remy held his open hands up defensively. "Just checking."

Bringing her hands to her lap, Rogue broke eye contact again. "Ah. . . Ah need ta know that ya'll be there for meh. Ya gotta keep meh from doin' somethin' stupid again. For however long ya're around -"

Grabbing her shoulders, Remy forced her to look at him. "Mon Dieu, Rogue! You won' lose me. Don' you ever t'ink dat bein' wit' you won' be enough. I've been wit' hundreds of girls, and not one of them compares to you and de way I feel when you're around. De way we understand each other with just a few words, at least on most subjects, de way we argue, when we don'. . .All dat makes it worth it."

"Ah feel the same way," she whispered.

Remy perked an eyebrow. "Did you happen to tape yourself wit' t'ose hundred ot'er girls?"

Rogue punched him in the arm and smiled. "Of course. Patrick said he would keep them in his closet fo' meh, but ya can't watch 'em. No Lesbian Spank Inferno fo' ya (4)."

Their chuckles subsided, and Rogue rested her head on Remy's shoulder. "Now what?"

"You wanna go back to the Institute yet?"

"No, not yet. Let's stay here a little longer. Then Ah'll go back, Ah guess."

"Den we rest our heads and pray it doesn' start rainin'."

"Ah don' mind the rain as long as ya're here."


A/N: We've got a short epilogue next that leads us from here into "uncut" versions of "Self-Possessed" and "Under Lock and Key", which I'm going to meld into the next story or at least the prologue for the next story.

(1) Lyrics from The Smiths' song "There is a Light that Never Goes Out," which is the full title of the next story. Don't forget to vote for the short title of the next story on my profile page.

(2) Paraphrased quotes from the movie Playing by Heart. Lines said between characters Joan (Angelina Jolie) and the blue-haired Keenan (Ryan Phillippe, drools). Recommended viewing; fast forward through the story with the adulteress woman and the guy from ER.

(3) Quote paraphrased from Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl.

(4) In reference to the British TV show Coupling. Patrick has a closet with tapes of almost every woman he has had sex with. Lesbian Spank Inferno is a porno that is almost its own character in the show. It has an entire episode dedicated to it ("Inferno"). Required viewing.