A/N: Holy impromptu hiatus Batman! That was fucking ridiculous! :D Over two whole weeks of no updating? Lawdy, I am so sorry dear readers -_- I'm not going to try and excuse it, but I feel I do owe some sort of explanation. I hit a mini-writer's block, but the kicker is that it wasn't even for this chapter, it was for the next one. -_- I kept putting off writing this one because I was all, "Meeeh, but then I don't know what to do neeext." To surmise, I was being too feckin' lazy to just sit my ass down and hash things out.

BUT I FINALLY DID!

So sorry for the unpardonable delay, hopefully it won't happen again, enjoy chapter 29 as it is humongous and stuffed with feels.

Thank you all for your patience! Don't worry, I promise to never let LOHAT die. :) IT WILL GO UNTIL COMPLETION IF IT KILLS ME! \o/

... Shutting up now, enjoy.

WOW, THIS IS KIND OF FUCKING AWKWARD

Karkat slouched on the couch, clicking through channel after channel of the shitty shows that passed for entertainment on this fuckwitted planet. While most of them were little more than amazing testaments to the horrible idiocy of this world, not all of them were awful; he'd managed to find a handful of sitcoms that didn't completely make him want to empty his nutrition sack. They weren't really 'good' like the high quality shows they used to have back on Alternia, but the nubby horned troll had decided they'd just have to do.

Or they would.

If they were fucking on right now.

The Cancer growled to himself, clicking faster through the stations in irritation. Jegus fuck, it really shouldn't be that hard to find something to watch. Annoying though it was, watching television had become a sort of escape for him as of late. He could just sit there and fucking stare at the changing pictures and shit without having to think about school or being culled by highbloods, or-

The couch shifted some as Gamzee dropped down next to him, and the taller troll leaned back to allow his legs to stretch out to their full length.

… Or that.

His recently, partially vacillated quadrant.

Okay, maybe 'recently' was kind of a stretch; after all, it had been over two weeks since he'd accepted Gamzee's flushed feelings for him. Since then, he hadn't come anywhere close to intimate with the Capricorn; fuck, he still wouldn't even let the other troll hold his hand. It wasn't like he was intentionally trying to avoid the matter, so it basically wasn't even his fucking fault. He was still trying to get used to the idea, but his think pan always kind of went haywire when he tried to mull over the matter. Were they just matesprits now? It didn't really fucking feel any different from before. Could they even work as matesprits? Besides that, if he was Gamzee's matesprit would he stop being his moirail? Who the fuck else could even calm the Capricorn's insane, Faygo chugging ass down?

Gog damn it; this was what television was for!

One thing had kindly removed itself from Karkat's nutrition plateau though; the police investigation into those troll murders was growing less and less frenzied with each day. Disturbing though it was, the nubby horned troll had to hand one thing to his moirail-matespirt-whatever; he had apparently done a really good job covering his tracks.

Speaking of…

Karkat's red eyes stole a quick glance to the Capricorn, and he swallowed what felt like a very large lump in his throat. He wasn't looking at him, thank fuck; he was just sitting there watching the television screen. Gog damn it, when had their block become so fucking quiet? Or warm, for that matter. Should he say something? What should he say?

Fuck.

Fuck, this was awkward.

The uneven points of Karkat's teeth began to worry at his bottom lip again, and he tried to focus his think pan on whatever insipid show he had stopped on. He was getting worked up; he needed to just calm down. This didn't have to be awkward; they were just sitting on the fucking couch watching television together. He wasn't some sort of fucking grub; he was perfectly capable of just sitting here and relaxing with Gamzee. It definitely wasn't awkward, and he wasn't fucking nervous.

Not nervous.

Not even a little bit nervous.

Not.

Nervous.

Not nervous.

The subtle shift in Gamzee's frame as he casually scooted closer to Karkat was immediately picked up in the periphery of the nubby horned troll's vision. In a split second reaction to this, Karkat dropped the remote, got up from his spot on the couch and hurried over to the door.

"We need more fucking cat litter," he declared a bit louder than he had intended.

"Oh… You sure about that motherfucker?" Gamzee's voice drawled out, a hint of confusion in it. "I all up and thought Rose had picked up some of that wicked grey shit a few days ago."

Karkat hesitated, his fingers wrapped tightly around the doorknob as he tried to think up a viable excuse. That was one of the downsides to Gamzee's sobriety; he now remembered details like that with full clarity. Fuck, sometimes he even remembered shit that Karkat had forgotten.

"Yeah, I'm sure fuckass," the Cancer said defensively, opening the door. "The stupid cat shits a lot! Rose didn't get enough litter, I'm going to go get more."

With that, the nubby horned troll quickly hurried out of his and Gamzee's respiteblock; his eyes set on the front door. He was just a few quick paces away from absconding the fuck out of there; he was so close to being away from this awkwardness.

Fuck! Locks! Why the fuck were there so many locks on this gogdamn door?

"Wait, Karbro," the Capricorn called after him, casually joining the shorter troll as he fought with the doorknob.

Fuck!

"What Gamzee?" the shorter troll asked briskly, refusing to tear his attention away from the super important locks.

"Well… Do you all up and want some company, best motherfucking friend?"

"No!" Karkat practically yelled, flinching at the volume and harshness of his own voice. "I… I mean you'd just slow me down. This way… I'll be right back. There's no reason it needs to be a whole fucking shitty adventure filled fiasco, right?"

Gog fucking damn it he was bad with words.

Several seconds of silence stretched between them, and Karkat eventually figured out how to undo the last of the locks. He hesitated now, though, waiting for the taller troll to respond in some way.

"… Sure thing, best friend," the Capricorn finally said.

There was a slight shift in his tone that the Cancer couldn't help but notice, and he could practically feel his vascular pump drop into the pit of his nutrition sack. Fuck; now he had made things worse and upset Gamzee.

Jegus, he was really the shittiest piece of waste in the entire history of paradox space.

Karkat opened his mouth as if to speak but stopped, closing it once more. He momentarily gnawed at the inside of his cheek, searching for the words that wouldn't come. At this point, saying anything to try and justify why he was practically running away from Gamzee would probably just make shit worse.

"… I'll be back," he murmured quietly, grabbing Equius' sunglasses out of his fetch modus before hurrying out the door without another word.


"Wow," Dave said between light pants. "Alright, that was pretty fucking awesome."

"Heheh."

Terezi curled up close to his chest, resting her head in the crook of his neck and shoulder. She was a little bit sweaty from their latest romp in the sheets, but then again so was Dave. Whatever, shit was fucking fantastic; psycho blind-alien sex was definitely the greatest thing ever and that was really all there was to say on the matter.

"You know Dave, it'd be even more awesome if-"

"Stop, don't even fucking go there," the Knight replied with a smirk. "You keep your weird alien penis thing away from my ass."

"Bluh, quit being such a wiggler. And it's not a penis," the Libra said, returning his look with one of her own. "If you'd taken Human and Troll Sexuality with me you'd know that."

"Oh man, that class is giving you so many shitty ideas," Dave said, now shifting to sit up. "You already made me suck on that stupid thing like a goddamn weird, teal lollipop. Now you want to cram that wiggling weird thing in my butt? No thanks."

"You have a prostate gland though!"

"… Okay, and?"

"And I could make it feel good," Terezi teased, licking at the Knight's neck. "Just once?"

"Goddamn it this conversation is fucking weird," Dave snickered but pulled away, retrieving his pants from his side of the bed and pulling them on. "I'm going to go get a drink. You want something?"

"Your sassy, stubborn ass," the blind troll giggled, stretching out into his abandoned spot.

"Keep dreaming; you're just going to have to keep that weird wiggly thing under control. I know it's pretty much impossible; I've kind of have the sweetest ass in all of paradox space. It's like, scientists be tracing the origins of diabetes and shit, then get all fucking surprised and scratch their heads saying, 'God damn, we never thought to check out that cool dude's ass. Fuck, we dropped the ball on that one society'."

Terezi burst into a fresh fit of giggles, to which Dave flashed a slight smirk before heading out of his room. Fortunately, John was chill about giving a bro some space when he had to give a crazy alien babe the business, so he was probably out seeing some terrible movie or something. Whatever; Dave had shooed Egbert out over an hour ago, so he and Terezi probably didn't have a whole lot longer left before they had to worry about him coming back. Man, they really needed to talk again about moving the fuck out or something. Anytime he brought it up, though, his troll girlfriend would start going on about how it would probably be a bad idea to move out in the middle of the goddamn semester. It was pretty annoying how she'd always point out that them getting their own fucking space couldn't just happen right now.

She was right, but it was still annoying.

It wasn't like it was absolutely awful living with the others; it just kind of got a little crowded sometimes. Someone was always yelling or visiting or sneaking out to murder random trolls; shit was fucking unreal ridiculous sometimes. Not to mention things got more than a little weird every now and then.

Dave walked over to the kitchenette, grabbing a clean glass out of the cupboard before rummaging through the fridge to find something to drink. He wasn't quite sure what he was in the mood for; soda, juice, or maybe even some straight up water. Seeing a fresh pitcher of sweet tea on the top shelf quickly made up his mind, though, and he plucked it out of the fridge. Setting both the glass and the pitcher on the counter, Dave was now starting to get the feeling that someone was watching him. A casual look up from behind his shades revealed the flat expression of Gamzee Makara who was glaring up at him from his seated position in front of the door.

Speaking of fucking weird.

"What up crazy juggalo troll," Dave said, nonchalantly pouring his beverage.

"Heh… Shit 'bro'," the tall troll said, a bit of strange emphasis on the last word. "I thought I up and motherfucking told you I didn't like that word."

"What, 'troll' or 'crazy'? Cause I hate to break it to you dude, but you kind of fit both those."

"You motherfucking know what I mean."

"Tch, my bad," the Knight answered boredly, setting the pitcher of tea back in the fridge. "Forgot you were serious about that crazy bullshit icp religion thing of yours."

Dave turned back around after closing the refrigerator door, and was met face to… Well, chest-stomach area with Gamzee. Tilting his head up slightly, the Knight quirked a single eyebrow up over his shades to the troll's unreadable expression. He didn't look too happy, all fucking stoic and pissy looking behind that shitty, painted on clown makeup, but his eyes weren't red so he obviously wasn't that mad.

"Yo, you're in my way juggalo," Dave said, a daring smirk on his lips as he said the last word.

"Hey, Dave!" came the sudden voice of John, bursting in through Gamzee's previously stationed position at the front door. "They were having this sale on video games! Two for one, I bought so many sweet new games. I was going to hook them up in the Jade and Rose's room, did you and Terezi want to play?"

Dave continued his silent stare-down with the tall troll for a few moments longer, but he finally looked away. Taking his glass from the counter, he shoulder bumped Gamzee out of the way and began making his way back to his room.

"Nah man, not yet. Give me a few more minutes though; we'll be out in a bit."

"Sure thing! I'll get everything set up and make some popcorn or something."

"Sweet."

"Uh… Gamzee, did you want to play too?" John said, a bit of an awkward tone to his voice. "Because you totally could, uh, if you wanted to, I mean."

"No."

"Oh… Okay well, if you change your mind…"

John's words trailed out behind Dave before the door was finally closed on them, granting the Knight a few more minutes of privacy with his sexy space girlfriend.

"Sounds like John's back," Terezi snickered, pulling on Dave's shirt. "Did he say he got more games?"

"Yeah, apparently there was a sale or some shit," the Knight replied, taking a sip from his drink before climbing back into bed with Terezi. "… I see you decided to change the sheets then."

The blind troll snickered as Dave surveyed the fresh linens that now replaced the teal, sticky and gross ones they'd previously had.

"Well, John tends to get kind of grossed out by that stuff," Terezi explained, wrapping her arms around Dave. "So does this mean no cuddling?"

"What? No way, there's going to be all kinds of fucking cuddling up in here," the Knight said, pulling the Libra close to him.

Terezi cackled at this but gave in, rewarding him with a gentle kiss before climbing into his lap. Gaming with Egbert and avoiding weird juggalo troll could wait a bit longer; Dave had some serious cuddling to get done with his girlfriend.

Only cuddling now.


Karkat sighed, clutching the bag of cat litter to him as he tried to think over what to do next. Why the fuck had he even ended up buying this stupid shit? As if Gamzee really even believed his bullshit story about needing to go out and get cat litter; it was pathetic.

He was pathetic.

And now, here he was sitting on the sidewalk outside of a pet store clinging to a bag of cat litter while wearing the broken sunglasses of his dead, sweaty friend. Yeah, life pretty much fucking sucked right now.

Why the hell couldn't he just relax around Gamzee? He obviously had red feelings for him and shit, so why was this all so damn awkward? This kind of thing never happened in his romcoms; when the protagonist finally realizes that he's flushed red for someone, there's only all the yearning and happiness that's supposed to come from those kinds of romances. Of course, though, shit just couldn't be that simple for Karkat. No, he had to sit around fussing about everything and making things worse by being awkward and confused. He couldn't just fucking relax and let things happen.

The nubby horned troll frowned, standing up now with a newfound sense of determination. There was only one solution to all of this; he was going to have to fucking hoist himself up off the ground, march right up into the apartment-stem and deal with this! No more running and hiding and waiting for three hours after his ablution in the ablution block until Gamzee fell asleep. He was a troll damn it! He was Karkat Vantas and he was not going to run away from his first ever real matesprit or his flushed feelings. Hell, he might even pull Gamzee down from his ridiculously huge fucking height into the sloppiest of makeouts right in front of all those other fuckass hivemates of his!

… Okay, no, fuck that idea in every orifice.

He wasn't going to do that.

But still… It was time to confront this awkwardness head-on and fucking learn to relax around Gamzee. He was going to figure out the strange perplexities of mating fondness if it killed him. No matter what, he was going to go back there and spend some serious time with Gamzee; no more fucking shit up.


"Just give her a little more time," Jade said, hefting up her sagging bag of groceries. "She'll come around!"

"Hmm… If only things were so simple," Kanaya answered.

The glowing troll then reached into her jacket pocket, fishing around for the key to the apartment-stem with her free hand. She and Jade had just come back from yet another journey to restock the thinning cupboards and refrigerator, and they were once more discussing Rose who, true to fashion, had refused to come along with them. Kanaya couldn't get enough of the subject; it was just yet another piece of information to divide her attention towards.

There was still no sign of the highbloods, a fact that was beginning to worry the rainbow drinker instead of comforting her. The Grand Highblood had seemed absolutely adamant about finding Karkat, and she seriously doubted he would be easily deterred. Something else was going on here, and nothing Kanaya could come up with made her feel any better about the situation. After all, the higher ranking subjugglators weren't some run of the mill outcasts like the ones common in the human-troll city; for all the Virgo knew, laughsassins could be following them right now. She had to keep her guard up; her friend's safety depended on it.

Pushing open the door to the apartment-stem, Kanaya heard a small 'thunk' as it stopped a little more than halfway. A bit confused, the rainbow drinker peaked through the opening and was met with the yellow tips of Gamzee's horns. The glowing troll raised an eyebrow at this before looking down to the Capricorn sitting in front of the door.

"Hey motherfucker," he said flatly. "What's up?"

"I believe I could inquire about the same matter," Kanaya responded, slipping through the space. "Gamzee, why are you sitting on the floor?"

"Um… Gamzee?" Jade mumbled behind her, tentatively glancing over Kanaya's shoulder. "Hi… Um… Kanaya, do you need help putting these away? I've still got some homework to get done…"

"I should be fine, just leave them on the counter."

The human quickly deposited her armful of groceries in the kitchenette before making a hasty abscond to her and Rose's room. Kanaya couldn't help but wonder how much longer she'd continue to act nervous around Gamzee. The other humans seemed to have gotten over the highblood's previous… lack of control. Perhaps Jade hadn't been quite up to date on the possibility of that happening?

Well, she'd get over it eventually.

"Gamzee?" Kanaya tried again, closing the door.

"Honk?"

"You didn't answer me. Why are you sitting in front of the door like that?"

"Oh… Uh… Shit, I was just all up and uh…" Gamzee mumbled, clearly having trouble coming up with an answer. "You motherfucking know how… And shit…"

"… Pardon?"

"Just getting my motherfucking chill on with the ground, glowing sis," the Capricorn said quietly.

"I see…" the Virgo said skeptically. "Not that I don't entirely believe that or anything of the sort, but where's Karkat?"

Kanaya set to work putting away the various groceries as she spoke, and after several silent minutes she stopped and turned her attention back to the taller troll. Taking a closer look, she noted that the Capricorn's head had drooped some, and he didn't appear to be preparing an answer anytime soon. Rolling her eyes, the rainbow drinker decided to brush the matter off; it wasn't any of her business, and she wasn't about to get too close to the unstable highblood. If he was going to be strange and depressed next to the door, than that was his business. He was still dangerous, and she couldn't afford to see him as simply a friend who really could use her help. Even though he was making it pretty obvious that something was going on and that discussing it with someone would probably help. No, no; that wasn't her business. Karkat was his moirail, he would deal with whatever the Capricorn was going through.

She didn't need to intervene.

Finishing up the groceries, the glowing troll began to head to her and Terezi's room. Though she'd achieved a personal best for not being a meddling fussyfangs, she hadn't even made it a third of the way there before she was turning back around.

"Alright, let's get this over with," Kanaya sighed, looking down at Gamzee. "What's going on?"

The taller troll still refused to answer her, though, much to her irritation. Perhaps she needed to come down to his level?

Seriously; sometimes it was like she was dealing with a bunch of wigglers.

Kanaya sat down next to Gamzee, tilting her head some to try and see his expression. His eyes were yellow; that was always a good sign. However, his lazy smile was only half as long as it usually was, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that something was bothering him.

"We can sit here all day if you'd like," the rainbow drinker tried, tweaking her approach some. "Or you can save us both a lot of time and just enlighten me as to the root of this peculiar behavior."

"… I don't know where Karkat is," the taller troll finally confessed, meeting her gaze with an almost guilty look. "Motherfucker all up and left some wicked long time ago."

"Ah, well I'm sure he'll be back shortly. Isn't it a bit melodramatic to be moping around like this over his return?"

"You don't motherfucking understand bitchtits," Gamzee went on, nervously scratching at the back of his neck. "He all up and… He didn't want me to motherfucking be with him."

"… I see," Kanaya said, trying her best to understand the clown's distress. "But Gamzee, is such an act of antisocial behavior really that abnormal for Karkat?"

"Shit… I guess not but… Motherfucker's supposed to…" the taller troll trailed off, wrapping his arms around his knees.

"I'm afraid I didn't quite catch that," the Virgo replied, shifting a bit closer to try and hear his mumbling. "Was he supposed to do something that he forgot to do?"

"Nah, it ain't like that sis, he just…"

Gamzee appeared to be struggling with this, and after a few moments he sat up straight, looking dead into Kanaya's jade and yellow eyes. He had a serious expression on, one that clashed in an unsettling way with his painted on, cheery greasepaint.

"Bitchtits, I'm going to tell you some wicked miracles that you can't up and get to sharing with any other motherfucker," the Capricorn said sternly, checking around as if to make sure no others were listening. "You have to motherfucking swear it glowing sis. Can't even motherfucking tell Karkat."

"Of course, you have my secrecy," Kanaya answered, genuinely interested now as to what this was all about.

"Alright, so, it's motherfucking like this," Gamzee went on, glancing off to the side and breaking their eye contact. "You remember all up and… When like, I was to be all up to my wicked shit culling those motherfuckers?"

"… When you killed all those trolls a few weeks ago? Yes, I remember."

"Right, well, when Karkat went and motherfucking found me," the taller troll shifted some, appearing uncomfortable with the conversation. "We uh… Shit, and those… Motherfucking… Red hearts I was telling you about?"

Realization dawned into Kanaya's think pan in a flash, and she couldn't stop her jaw from dropping open in surprise. Was she hearing all of this correctly? It seemed that Gamzee was attempting to tell her that he and Karkat had begun a matespritship.

"… I… See," was all the glowing troll could manage as she tried to process all of this.

"Yeah… But ever since then, that wicked motherfuck has been all up and avoiding me."

"And he explicitly told you he didn't want you to join him when he left just now?"

"That's pretty much how it motherfucking went down."

"Well, first I suppose congratulations are in order; as I recall you'd wanted Karkat as a matesprit for some time now."

"Thanks, bitchtits."

"Yes, but moving on from that, I believe that I might have some advice for you on the matter," Kanaya said, standing up from the floor. "Gamzee, as his previous moirail-"

"I'm still his motherfucking moirail," the taller troll cut in sharply.

"… Alright then, as his current moirail," she went on, making a mental note to ask Karkat about whether or not Gamzee was actually in both quadrants someday. "You should know that you're likely his first matesprit?"

"Shit, I guess so… I know he had motherfucking red hearts for blind sis some wicked time ago, but I don't all up and think things went that mirthful way."

"So it would be safe to assume that you're probably his first real matesprit them?"

"Probably, motherfucker."

"Continuing on with that initial assumption, then, coupled with what we know about Karkat's overall personality and reluctance to accept change, wouldn't it also be safe to assume he might be a little… Nervous?"

"… Nervous?" Gamzee stood as well now, rising to his familiar, slouched height. "Why would he all up and be motherfucking nervous?"

"Think about it," Kanaya said. "If Karkat's never seriously been physical or intimate with another troll, wouldn't he be just as concerned things would get messed up as he is with, well, just about everything else in his life?"

"… Huh… I didn't get to motherfucking thinking about it like that."

"You adapt to these sorts of changes much easier than Karkat does. On top of that, Karkat watches those insufferable romcoms of his; he's probably got several elaborate, unreasonably high expectations for how he's supposed to feel on the matter. Just give him some time, and try to take things slow; he'll come around."

"Take things slow?"

"Yes, for example," Kanaya went on, busying herself with checking Miracle's water dish. "Instead of instantly trying to initiate sloppy makeouts with him, maybe spend some time just being with him until he relaxes. I believe the humans call it, 'setting the mood'?"

"… Bitchtits, you just gave me the most mirthful of motherfucking ideas," the Capricorn said, his smile stretching once more. "You work all kinds of miracles and shit."

"Well, I'm glad I could be of assistance," Kanaya answered, watching as he opened the front door. "Where are you going?"

"To make some motherfucking miracles. I'll be back in a wicked harsh whimsy of a second. Oh, and uh," Gamzee said, hesitating some. "You promise you won't all up and tell any motherfuckers what I told at your auricular sponge clots?"

"Yes, I promise I won't tell."

"… Thanks glowing sis."

With no more words than that, the taller troll closed the door behind him. Kanaya couldn't help but smirk; it felt good to auspictize again. She wasn't sure what exactly Gamzee had planned, but he appeared to have taken her advice.

If only she could sort out her own romantic life as well as she could others.


The front door of the apartment-stem creaked open and the broken sunglasses of one nubby horned troll carefully peaked inside.

The coast was clear… For now.

Karkat hurried in with his unnecessary bag of cat litter clutched tightly to him, kicking the door shut as he entered. It was a bit late, almost ten, and the other fuckasses all seemed to be tucked away in their own blocks or out somewhere. With any luck, Gamzee would be a part of the latter.

Wait, no, fuck.

That's not how non-awkward feeling romcom protagonists thought about their matesprits!

The Cancer was determined to have a nice night with Gamzee; they were going to do sweet, red quadrant things together if it killed him! Hell, they might even cuddle and hold hands! They'd get all curled up on the couch before having the sloppiest of makeouts and-

A bright red blush flooded Karkat's cheeks as he unsuccessfully tried to make this all feel normal in his think pan. The nubby horned troll unceremoniously deposited the bag of cat litter on the floor in the kitchenette. Once his embarrassment subsided, that familiar scowl of irritation had returned.

Why did he have to fuck everything up?

He couldn't even do something as simple as spend time with his matesprit right.

Karkat walked over to his respiteblock, removing Equius' sunglasses and dropping them back into his sylladex as he did so. Clearly he wasn't going to be making any progress relaxing around Gamzee tonight; maybe it'd be best to just curl up in the sopor slime until his useless self passed out. As he opened the door of his and Gamzee's block, though, his sniffnodes were flooded with a deliciously sweet aroma. It didn't take long for Karkat to hone in on the source of the smell; sitting at one end of the couch was his matesprit with a bowl of some strange looking popcorn.

"… What?" the short troll asked, too distracted by the tasty scent to remember his previous line of thought.

"Hey Karbro," the Capricorn said, setting the bowl down next to him. "I all up and thought we could have a motherfucking movie night. You know that movie you've been getting your wicked excitement on about?"

The fuck was he talking about?

Movie? He wasn't getting excited about any-

Oh gog.

No way, he couldn't possibly be talking about-

"In Which Two Trolls Vacillate Between All Four Quadrants Before Eventually Settling On One, The Antagonist Is A Troll Of A Much Higher Blood Color On The Hemospectrum Who Does A Funny Dance, Fifty Lines That Could Be Construed As Humorous, Twelve Scenarios Of Situations In Which Poor Communication Leads To Unexpected Circumstances, But Everything Works Out In The End?"

"That's the one motherfucker."

"Jegus fuck, are you serious? I swear Gamzee, if you're screwing with me right now-"

Karkat was effectively silenced as the Capricorn plucked the DVD from its spot next to the television set and tossed it to him. The nubby horned troll made sure to catch it, and his face lit up as he delicately held the movie. Surely enough, it was the very movie he'd been wanting to see for weeks now. When the fuck had this even come out on DVD?

Whatever, it didn't matter; they had to watch it right now.

"Can… Can we watch it now?" Karkat asked, looking up to Gamzee with all the hope and excitement of a small child.

"Bro, that's what I all up and motherfucking got it for," the Capricorn chuckled.

"Shut up. Jegus, this is going to be so great," Karkat said, speaking fast as he hurried over to the DVD player to pop in the movie. "When the fuck did you even get this?"

"Shit, don't get your worry on to motherfucking details like that," Gamzee said lazily, stretching some in his seat. "I also got this tasty mirth popcorn miracles. My cartilage nub got to smelling it earlier and I all up and knew it'd be motherfucking perfect."

"Popcorn? That doesn't look like any Earth popcorn I've ever seen," the Cancer said, glancing over to the bowl suspiciously as he closed the DVD tray. "How do you even know that shit's actually food? It could be poison or something…"

"Nah, don't even get your motherfucking think pan on that idea. John said it's called 'caramel corn'. It's got sugary miracles all up on it."

"Okay, well, shut the fuck up now," Karkat said, taking his seat in the empty spot on the couch. "It's starting."

Alright, so it wasn't exactly starting; but the previews were probably one of the most exciting parts of any movie! They kept the nubby horned troll informed about what masterpieces he could expect in the months to come. Staring intently at the screen, the Cancer's attention was only momentarily broken by the tasty smelling bowl of caramel corn being set on his lap. Karkat looked down at it, and then up at Gamzee who was giving him a knowing smile.

Well… This shit did smell really good.

Maybe it wouldn't be completely awful?

After a few seconds of quiet contemplation, the nubby horned troll grabbed a fistful of popcorn and shoved it in his mouth. The uneven points of his teeth made short work of it, and he was pleasantly surprised to find that the caramel corn tasted as good as it smelled. Eyes locked on the television screen once more, Karkat took up another handful and set to work on that as well.

"… Motherfucking good, right?" Gamzee said, a playful tease to his voice.

"Fuck off," the Cancer responded absentmindedly, eating the last bit of popcorn out of his hand. "Also, you're not getting this back."

The taller troll chuckled some at this, but Karkat's attention was now fully on the movie; the previews had finished up and they were finally at the feature presentation. Between the riveting story unfolding before his eyes and the delicious caramel corn he was scarfing down, the Cancer hadn't really noticed that he'd been calmly and successfully sitting with Gamzee for the first thirty minutes of the movie.

That was, right up until a long, gentle arm wrapped around his shoulders.

Karkat froze, his body going rigid as he realized that, at some point during the movie, Gamzee had moved much closer to him. The short troll's cheeks were puffed out some with the barely contained amount of caramel corn he'd stuffed in his mouth, and the treat suddenly felt much stickier. For a few minutes, the Cancer was genuinely concerned that he wasn't going to be able to swallow. With some effort, though, he managed to get the glob of caramel corn down, and it sank to the bottom of his nutrition sack like a lead weight.

Oh gog, Gamzee's arm was around him.

Calm down, calm down, don't fucking freak out.

Just eat the popcorn.

Now being careful to only take one piece at a time, Karkat tried to focus his attention solely on the caramel corn and movie. If he could keep his think pan on anything other than Gamzee's arm around him and how fucking nervous he was, he'd be fine. This didn't have to be awkward or-

"Psst, Karbro," the Capricorn said quietly, leaning down some to Karkat's level. "I don't motherfucking get it."

Oh fuck, oh fuck.

He didn't know why Karkat was nervous; how the fuck was he going to explain this?

'I'm a fuckass grub who can't handle intimacy'?

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Why is he all up and motherfucking leaving?"

Oh.

He was talking about the movie.

Wait, how the fuck could he not get that?

"Look, it's really simple," Karkat said matter-of-factly, pointing to the protagonist. "If he doesn't go to his ex-matesprit's hive, she'll be culled by the Imperial Drone."

"But… If they're not up and getting wicked whimsy on together anymore, then why does he motherfucking care? Does he want to be her mirthful matesprit again? Then what about the other dude?"

"Jegus, you don't just instantly stop giving a shit about someone when you break up," Karkat went on. "No, he doesn't want to be her matesprit, but he also doesn't want her to just get culled because he dumped her."

"… So what is he going to do?"

"I don't know, I haven't seen it happen yet dumbfuck. He'll probably do something to try and trick the Imperial Drone or make them go away or something."

"… Huh. But does that bro know that's why he's going back to her?"

"No, no, that's why it's such a bad situation. He thinks he's just going to take her back or something."

This went on for a while longer until Gamzee eventually ran out of questions, and Karkat was left once more with only the caramel corn and movie itself to occupy his attention. Soon enough, his claws were scraping the bottom of the bowl and it was soon evicted from the couch, likely to be picked up and properly placed back into the kitchenette the next morning.

After a lot of shenanigans and plot relevant drama, the movie was finally drawing to its close with Karkat concluding that yes, it too had to be part of his romcom collection. It would definitely become a classic and he seriously doubted anything else made that year could come close in comparison.

All in all, the whole evening had been very… Nice.

Yes; it had been a really nice night.

And here he was, sitting on the couch with Gamzee's arm around him, perfectly relaxed and genuinely enjoying himself.

"… Hey, Gamzee," the nubby horned troll said, shifting some to look up at the taller troll. "I guess… Thanks for-"

The Cancer stopped, then, as he noticed that the Capricorn's eyes were closed; his breath evened out in a peaceful slumber. Figures; the fuckass had fallen asleep before the movie was over. Now that Karkat thought about it, though, he'd never actually seen Gamzee sleeping before. It was a bit peculiar to see, if he were honest; it felt as if he was remembering this instead of actually seeing it.

He looked kind of… Sort of… Cute?

No, fuck that, not 'cute', that wasn't the right word.

Adorabloodthirsty?

… Okay.

He looked adorabloodthirsty.

"Fuckass," the Cancer murmured, a slight smile on his lips as he watched the other's sleeping expression.

After a few moments of hesitation, the nubby horned troll leaned over and placed a gentle, quick kiss on Gamzee's cheek before wriggling out of his arm and heading over to his recuperacoon. Maybe Karkat's romance wouldn't be as entertaining or picturesque as his romcoms were, but maybe they didn't have to be. Maybe… This was just as good. All matters aside, his relationship with Gamzee was maybe even a little better than his romcoms; if that was possible.

Because it was real.

And it was really his.