Twenty-nine. Late August, 2018

Ed Tucker hadn't donned a suit for a month. The pants fit more tightly than he remembered. Either he'd gained a little weight or he'd simply grown accustomed to his cargo shorts and jeans. He slid his regular belt through the loops. Moment of truth. He tightened the leather through the buckle, his eye on the broken-in, worn leather guarding the hole he always used.

It fit.

Barely.

"What time do you have to be there?"

Olivia's voice startled him. He flinched and then smiled sheepishly at her through the mirror.

"Sorry." She leaned against the counter and sized him up. "You look nice."

He sucked in his gut. "You think I've put on a few pounds?"

"Isn't it the woman who's supposed to be worried about that after having babies?" Olivia was joking, but Ed continued to tug at his waistband with a concerned expression. "I really don't think so," she said apologetically, "Maybe…you're just not used to these pants?"

"That's what I thought at first," he mumbled, "But they're tailored pants."

"Want to try another pair?"

"Nah," he said resolutely and reached for his tie, "I can handle it for a couple hours." Ed had been asked to speak to a Criminal Psychology class at John Jay College. It came on short notice and he'd spent the last two days preparing remarks while hoping the talk would turn into more of a question-and-answer session rather than a lecture. Despite the tight pants, he was excited to share his expertise and do something police-related again. After they returned from the beach, he'd quietly submitted his retirement paperwork only to be hired back as a part-time consultant. Part of his duties were with CIU, though he was given an office at Internal Affairs and would work with their commanding officers to train new investigators. He liked and appreciated the flexibility extended to him; however, there hadn't been much for him to do since he made the switch, so he had been in full-time Daddy mode.

"I can't wait to hear about it." Olivia smiled encouragingly and put a hand on his chest. She liked seeing him back in a suit. Not many men wore one as well as he did. As far as she was concerned, her husband always epitomized masculinity, strength, and power, but the suit amplified those qualities.

"Hope I don't screw it up."

"Don't talk like that. I can't think of anyone more qualified."

Ed grinned at her. "Sure you don't wanna come along?"

When Ed ran some suggested anecdotes by her before they fell asleep each night, they joked about him using all of the times he interrogated Olivia as example stories and then ending the lecture by dropping the bombshell that the cop under investigation in all those instances now was his wife.

"I don't think so."

"I'll hurry back."

"Just…enjoy yourself. We're fine." Olivia kissed him. Deep down she worried that he was already starting to miss going to work and that he would quickly lose enthusiasm for their new arrangement.

"What are you and the kids gonna do?"

Out of habit, Olivia looked at her wrist, but she'd jettisoned her watch as soon as she returned home earlier that evening. She saw Ed's watch on the counter and picked it up. "We're probably in for the night," she said, "I'll leave the planning up to Noah. And…Sarah will probably Face Time later."

"I think we hear from her more when she's five thousand miles away than when she's right here in the city."

Sarah had been gone for four days and had Face Timed every night and two of the mornings. "She loves her family."

"Can't blame her for that."

Noah's voice and a baby wail interrupted the ensuing kiss. "Mommy! Maggie's cryin!"

The babies were in their swing seats in the living room and Noah had been sitting in front of them, drawing their portraits on his iPad. As she and Ed always did, Olivia instructed Noah not to try to take them out of the seats.

"I know, Mommy," Noah had moaned, "I'm still too little to carry 'em." Noah was, however, very good and very willing to notify his parents whenever the babies needed anything.

In the living room, Olivia stood over the swing seats, shaking her head with her hands on her hips. Despite being tightly buckled in, Maggie had managed to squirm one leg out of the harness, causing her to be positioned in the seat at an awkward angle. "Baby girl," Olivia cooed, "You are just dying to break free, aren't you?" She loosened the straps and lifted her out. "Let's try the mat."

Ed was alarmed. "God, that's scary. I leave 'em in there when I'm outta the room for a few minutes. Guess I need to stop doing that. Those legs of yours need to fatten up a little bit, Miss Maggie." Ed grabbed the baby's thigh and kissed her forehead.

Olivia put Maggie on her stomach on the floor, and the little girl happily batted at the toys and practiced holding up her head. Still in the swing, Wyatt happily sucked on his tiger Wubbanub, clutching one of the tiger's legs in one of his little fists. Ed kissed him goodbye and then hoisted Noah in the air.

"Gimme a kiss, bud. I probably won't be back until after you're in bed."

Noah complied and looked at Ed's waist. "Where's the police badge?"

An uneasy feeling grew in Olivia's stomach as Ed regretfully told Noah he no longer needed the badge. "Remember, bud? Now that Daddy has a different job, the shield stays here at home."

"Oh…yeah…" Noah murmured then his eyes suddenly brightened. "I have it? Then I have ONE-TWO!"

"Sure pal. I'll get it for ya when I get home, okay?"

"Kay!" Noah squeezed Ed's neck before being returned to his feet.

Ed put his jacket on and Olivia escorted him to the door. "You're gonna do great," she said, straightening his silver tie and leaning in for a kiss. "I love you, Captain."

The way she pronounced Captain tempted Ed to blow off his commitment, put on a movie for Noah, and take Olivia to the bedroom. Regaining his composure, he kissed her back and smirked.

"Lieutenant…"

"What?" Olivia asked innocently.

"I love you, too."

"I thought you were going to say something else."

"I almost did something else."

She playfully shoved him to the door. "Go. I'll see you later."

He squeezed her hand and gave her another quick kiss. "Bye sweetheart."

A few hours later, Tucker was perched on a stool at one of his old haunts, nursing his second bourbon and making small talk with Cole who set up his talk at John Jay in the first place. Tucker's presentation was a success, and when his former partner offered to buy him a drink he readily accepted. Olivia's text reported all was well at home and urged him to go, so he tried not to feel guilty about staying out a little while longer.

"Could end up being a regular thing, Tucker. You ever think about it?"

"Guest speaker? Sounds like something for famous people."

"With the right connections, it would be a nice little side job." Cole's face broke into his familiar mischievous grin. "With all those babies, can't have too much cash on hand."

"You say it like we have ten kids."

"Well let's see," Cole ribbed him, "You have a four-year-old and two, what, they're three months?"

"Almost four.'

"They say each one costs about a quarter million."

Tucker raised his eyes to the ceiling, doing some mental calculations. "I think I may have gotten off cheaply with the first two."

"They seem to have turned out fine."

"They have. Oh, Brooke's engaged."

"Hey!" Cole smiled broadly but quickly got serious when he remembered Sarah's marriage debacle, "That's a good thing, right?"

"This time, I think it is."

"Well congratulations."

"Thanks."

"Who's the new son-in-law?"

"Detective Carisi."

Cole took a disbelieving sip. "Benson's detective?"

"Yep."

"Well I'll be damned."

"Yeah," Tucker muttered reflectively.

"When am I going to see those babies of yours?"

"Maybe I'll bring 'em in to work sometime."

Imagining Tucker arriving at IAB with infant twins made Cole break into a gentle chuckle. "Please do."

Tucker ignored the implicit teasing and pulled out his phone. "Look at 'em. They've changed a lot since the party."

Cole's eyes widened. The last time he saw Maggie and Wyatt they were still scrawny, still fresh from the NICU, and had the scrunched up, androgynous appearance of all newborns. These pictures showed much bigger, much more animated babies with bright blue eyes and thick wisps of hair.

"Wow."

"Yep," Tucker said proudly, "They've gotten big…and every day they have a little more personality. Maggie, she's, well, I better stay in shape because that girl is ready to run around right now. And Wyatt's so cool and calm, just kinda sits back and watches everything, doesn't cry much."

Cole massaged his forehead ruefully, "I hardly remember my kids as babies."

"Same thing with Brooke and Sarah."

"Why the hell doesn't anyone tell you you don't have to do everything all at once—job, wife, kids?"

Tucker nodded, acknowledging the point and forever grateful he had been given a second chance to get fatherhood right. "Who the hell knows…"

….

During the walk home, Tucker mentally replayed his lecture and the hoped-for Q-and-A. He had done well. Both the professor and Cole extended him sincere compliments, and Ed wondered if there was any promise in Cole's suggestion that he seek out more speaking engagements. After thirty years on the force and two decades with IAB, Tucker certainly had a wealth of knowledge and experience, but this was the first time he'd ever transferred that knowledge into pedagogy.

And he liked it.

He assumed Olivia would still be up, awaiting the twins' midnight wake-up, and, sure enough, she was perched on the edge of the sofa, paging through files that were spread all over the coffee table.

"Hey there," she said, smiling at his loosened tie and unbuttoned collar. "How'd it go?"

"Really well." He yanked the tie off and untucked his shirt. "How'd it go here?"

"Perfectly. But, sit down, tell me about it. Details."

Ed quickly changed clothes and took a seat in the armchair. "I started, ya know, how I planned just introducing myself and gave the little rundown of where I started and then talked about IAB, the process, the questioning techniques, watching for body language, all that stuff, you know, seein' how people react to being recorded as opposed to not being recorded. Listening for when they're coached. And then, of course, the questions were all about…how does it feel to have to arrest your own people?"

This was not a surprise to Olivia. She smiled knowingly. "Of course. How'd you answer?"

"I told 'em, when cops are dirty, they aren't my people."

"Good one."

"Then I reminded them to see the big picture because sometimes you're wrong and you eventually end up sleeping with one of your people."

"You did not," Olivia said, laughing.

"Seriously."

"I don't believe you."

Ed got up and approached her slowly. "You know the tough thing about being married to you, Lieutenant? And…I mean…the only tough thing?"

"What's that?"

"You're too smart."

Olivia set her jaw and pretended to be unaffected by the distance closing between them. "I'm an experienced police officer, Captain. You knew what you were getting into."

"That I did." He sat down and wrapped his arms around her. She lightly ran her fingers across his midsection, reminding him of an earlier concern. "Sure you don't think I've gained a little weight?"

She shook with laughter. "I really don't think so. Did your pants loosen up any?"

"Yeah, they felt normal after a while."

"Good."

"But ya know what?"

"What?"

"While I was on my way there I remembered something Sarah showed me and Brooke a while ago."

"What's that?"

"Some account on Twitter. Facts in your face?"

"How reliable is that?"

"Pretty reliable." Ed replied confidently.

"Well, what did it say?"

"You can burn a hundred calories having sex."

"And that popped into your head…before you were about to speak to a bunch of criminal justice students?"

"My pants were tight."

To Ed's delight, Olivia's hand drifted to his thigh and her voice deepened a couple of octaves as she purred, "I bet…if we try hard…we can top a hundred."

Noah wandered around as he conversed with Sarah, occasionally letting the iPad fall around his waist and eliciting a shrill request to "hold it up high, Noey" from his temporarily Buenos Aires-based sister. Sarah managed to reduce the details of an intricate corporate merger into language Noah understood, and Noah described his days at the park and the pub and his increasingly active infant siblings.

"Lemme see Wyatt and Maggie May, No!"

"Kay! We're goin' to their room, Sare bear!" Noah crossed the living room and entered the nursery. Ed wrangled Maggie on the changing table, fighting to get a romper on her wiggly body, and Wyatt, already dressed in a romper of his own, was in his crib and batting at the jungle-themed mobile.

Noah had long ago dragged one of his small chairs into the twins' room so he could get a better vantage point for all baby-related chores. He clambered on the chair now and gave Sarah a birds' eye view of Maggie.

"Hi pretty sister!" Sarah gushed, "Ooooo, I love that outfit Daddy picked for ya, but tell him not to forget the dresses!"

"She doesn't want a dress," Ed muttered through clenched teeth as he threaded Maggie's arms through the sleeves, sat her up, and tugged on the little zipper.

"I zip her, Daddy!" Noah protested.

"I know bud, but you're talkin' to Sarah right now. You're outta hands."

Noah giggled and put the iPad millimeters from Maggie's face. "Say hi to Sare bear!"

Maggie reached out for the screen and Sarah clutched her shirt near her heart. "Omigod, omigod, omigod, she knows me! Hi baby! Hi little sister! You miss your Sare bear dontcha! When I come back we're gonna go shopping!"

Ed grinned, "Speaking of shopping, we're going school shopping for Noah today. I'm sure you're sad you're missing it."

"I AM! Omigod. Don't get everything. Noey, we shall go shopping when I get back. For everything Mommy and Daddy won't getcha."

"Gettin' a new backpack today, Sare bear!" Noah informed her excitedly. "I'm goin' to school all day and I need the backpack for my STUFF! I eat lunch there, too. So…need a LUNCHBOX!"

Sarah sighed. "I cannot take this. You're getting too old Noey. And, Daddy, since when does pre-K last all day?"

"That's the way they do it for four-year-olds at his school." Ed replied matter-of-factly since he had no clue as to the specific answer.

Sarah breezed from subject to subject. "Lemme see Wyatt, Noey."

Noah climbed down and in the process of sliding the chair to Wyatt's crib gave Sarah a view of the newly carpeted floor.

"Here's Wyatt!" Noah said with a flourish, pointing the camera down into Wyatt's crib. The jungle-theme of his mobile carried over into his bedding. The sheets were lime green and the padding along the sides of the crib depicted marching tigers, elephants, monkeys, and giraffes.

"Hi handsome!" Sarah cooed. "Oh my gawwwwd he's SO CUTE! He's in his sailboat outfit! Daddy! Tell Livvie he needs to model for Janie and Jack. Actually, they both do. Maggie has a dress to match his outfit." Wyatt rapidly kicked, moved his arms, and smiled. Ed put Maggie in the crib alongside him. Sarah frowned. "Dad, you really need to dress them alike. They're twins!"

"They don't always need to match." Ed straightened the items on the changing table. "No, you're still in your PJs, bud. We gotta get changed so we can go."

"Kay, Daddy." Noah turned the camera on himself, "We haveta go, Sare bear!"

"Alright," Sarah said, "I love you, Noey."

"Love you too!"

"And I love Maggie and Wyatt. Tell 'em."

Noah relayed the message.

"I'll be home Wednesday."

"Kay, Sare bear. I go to school Wednesday."

"I know. I'll pick you up Thursday."

"Kay!"

"Wait! Show me Wyatt and Maggs one more time!"

Once again, Noah complied.

"What is that?" Sarah asked, pointing. Ed was looking on now and unsure of what she was talking about. Noah, however, knew exactly what she was pointing out.

"That's Wyatt's police badge," he said proudly. "We have two now…I gived one to him."

For once, Ed didn't roll his eyes at Sarah's swooning, for he and Olivia reacted the same way when Noah presented his baby brother with the shield the previous night.

….

Sonny questioned whether or not it was appropriate to take Maggie and Wyatt out to lunch. The twins had been dropped off at their loft an hour earlier, and he apparently had it in his mind that Ed and Olivia expected the babies to remain indoors until they returned with Noah. Brooke screwed up her face, jabbed a finger into his belly, and insisted they were allowed to head outside. They loaded the babies into their stroller and walked a few blocks to a nondescript diner that had become a favorite of their since they moved into their new neighborhood.

People stopped to peek at the babies, and Brooke found herself enjoying the attention. Conversations with the strangers did not last long enough for her to explain that the babies were not her children but her brother and sister, but this brief outing offered her a glimpse into the future and, for once, the prospect of marriage and family did not terrify her.

"You goin' in to work at all this weekend?"

Brooke had been busy the previous week setting up her classroom for the upcoming school year. "No. I'm ready for day one. Even though I may need to stay late on day one to get ready for day two."

Sonny grinned. "So this is what, your sixth year?"

"Yep. It feels much longer. I laugh, you know, thinking about myself in the first couple of years, I practically lived at school."

"You were also in a pretty rough neighborhood," Sonny pointed out, "I really admire you…for doin that."

Brooke ducked her head, a little embarrassed at the compliment. "The funny thing is…I feel a lot more pressure here."

Concerned, Sonny reached across the table for one of her hands. "Whaddya mean?"

She shrugged. "Parents are very involved at this school. They know their stuff. They know pedagogy, research, they're constantly checking grades and how I've graded things. At the other school, parents just appreciated that you showed up. Kids, too. They had a lot of issues, but once you showed them you cared, they would back you up."

"Do you want to go back?"

Not one person had asked Brooke this question before. Everyone close to her assumed she wholeheartedly preferred her Upper West Side high-performing school to the gritty Mott Haven institution where one had to pass through a set of secure doors and metal detectors to enter. The school where she often was escorted to her subway stop by a campus resource officer because she stayed late and nighttime was dangerous. It seemed odd to look back on that experience fondly, but that's exactly how she remembered it.

"I guess not," she said, not sounding terribly confident. "Pros and cons. But, if I ever decide to go into administration, I think it might be in a place like that."

"You know I'll support you… in whatever you choose to do." Sonny was still holding her hand.

"I know," Brooke replied, "I really do. I just…don't know what the future holds, at least, for my career. Which…I think you understand?"

She successfully volleyed the weight of the conversation back to him.

"I wish I could do both," Sonny said. "I like the law, I like the idea of becoming an ADA, but I feel a purpose in what I'm doing now. If that makes any sense."

"It does…and I can relate…because I don't feel a purpose in what I'm doing now. The kids in my classes…they're going to be successful with or without me. They're parents will make sure of it. Maybe that's my problem."

Sonny nodded. "And, if I'm an ADA, it seems like I'm detached from the real work. At least, that's the feel I've gotten from the shadowing I've done." He tore at the ends of his napkin.

"But…" Brooke prodded.

Sonny lifted his eyes to meet hers and said sincerely, "But I want to do the best thing for us. I know…I know you don't want to be married to a cop whose schedule is unpredictable."

Now it was Brooke's turn to squeeze his hand. "I want you to like your job," she said.

"But...you and Sarah always talked about how your Dad was gone all the time, and—"

She stopped him, "We've come to realize that our issues with our Dad were fueled more by our mother than by him. And…you and my Dad are not the same people. We're not them."

Sonny leaned across the table for a kiss ad got a glimpse of Maggie as he collapsed back into his side of the booth. "Hey, Maggie! You're awake!"

"You usually tell us you're up, Mags!" Brooke said.

Sonny was already in the process of getting Maggie out of her seat. He stood her on the table and she slapped her bare feet on the formica table gleefully. "Hey there, Maggie," he said, giving her eskimo kisses, "How's the prettiest little girl in Manhattan?"

Maggie grabbed at his hair and kept stomping on the unfamiliar terrain. When the food arrived Sonny sat her in his lap and ate one-handed.

"She's so active," Brooke said, "She's just always moving around."

"Captain Tucker and Lieu better watch out," Sonny said, "Wait until they learn to walk! This girl's gonna be everywhere!"

Brooke turned her head to get a glimpse of Wyatt. Despite his stressful birth and lower initial weight, he continued to fill out. Maggie's narrow head didn't come close to fitting snugly between the seat's padding, but Wyatt's did and Brooke speculated that the head support would have to be removed soon. Its sides squished his chubby cheeks inward toward his nose. His pacifier rested on his stomach. One hand clutched it possessively, and the other rested in a little fist near his left eye. Brooke tugged on the leg hems of his romper which hugged his thighs; she cast a comparative glance to Maggie and though she wasn't as skinny as she was a month ago hers fit much more loosely.

"I'm going to miss these two," Brooke remarked, almost surprised at her own admission. She and Ed had been trading daytime childcare duties and while her original offer had been purely out of a sense of duty, she had come to crave her time with her new siblings. She loved the mornings in particular when they lazed around on the play mat, still in pajamas. Brooke played toddler cartoons or music and they had their tummy time before their mid-morning bottles. After they ate, she scooped them into her lap and read books until they fell asleep. At that time of day, their nap only lasted an hour or so, and most times Brooke held them while they slept. Afternoons typically included a long walk, and, depending on the day, a stop to retrieve Noah from day camp.

Sonny planted a kiss on Maggie's head, "You think…you'll be ready for one of these of our own someday?"

Wyatt made a noise, something between a gurgle and a squeal. Brooke picked him up and peppered his face with kisses. "Hi brother bear," she cooed. She kissed him a little more before securing him in her lap. Still groggy, he lazily smiled at Sonny and sat back against Brooke's chest. Out of stall time, Brooke finally responded to Sonny's question.

"I will be," she said.

Sonny smiled, but inside he was bursting with excitement.

I will be.

No "I think."

Just, I will be.

She continued, "I always thought, I guess, I always doubted that I had any maternal instincts, because of my own mom."

Sonny studied her intently as she spoke.

"But I proved something to myself in the past few weeks."

"You're gonna be a great mother," Sonny told her confidently.

Brooke beamed.

The two of them smiled and picked at their food in silence for a few minutes. During that time, Wyatt woke up even more and copied his sister's movements. Both babies grabbed at utensils and exchanged little yelps as if they were communicating with each other.

"They're in cahoots already," Sonny said.

Brooke imagined the future—her kids, Wyatt and Maggie, Noah, and, well, Sarah—boisterously celebrating holidays and birthdays and sunny day barbecues.

"They sure are," she said, grinning, "We're all in for a wild ride."

…..

Colored pencils, mechanical pencils, regular pencils, two boxes of crayons—one "standard colors" and one "deluxe," construction paper, glue sticks, children's scissors, washable markers, two plastic pocket folders, and a six-pack of Kleenex filled the three large shopping bags dangling from Ed's left hand. With all boxes on the list checked, he, Olivia, and Noah were now on a mission to find the perfect backpack.

When the trio began the outing, Noah quickly became upset at being dragged into such run-of-the-mill stores such as Staples.

"We go to DaVinci!" He protested, referring to the high-end art supply store he and Sarah frequented.

Ed and Olivia exchanged amused glances and explained that these particular supplies would be used by everyone in his pre-K class.

"Besides, sweet boy," Olivia reasoned, "Sarah will want to take you to DaVinci when she gets back from Argentina. That's your special trip with your Sare Bear."

Noah bought the argument and fell into compliance, though, to him, the school supply mission lost some of its luster.

Olivia wanted to buy Noah a sturdy backpack that she could have embroidered with his initials, but Noah had other ideas. With the first day of school imminent, stores such as Duane Reade and Walgreens that typically did not carry backpacks in their regular stock had them prominently on display. Noah patiently followed his parents into North Face and Portage, each time shaking his head and refusing to point out anything he liked.

On their way to a third store, Noah finally voiced his true desire. "Want the shark backpack, Mommy!"

"The shark backpack?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Where'd ya see that, bud?" Ed hadn't said much so far. He was content to enjoy the time with his wife and son and liked observing the little debates and bargains between Noah and Olivia.

"In da store!"

"What store?"

Olivia quickly searched for "shark backpack" on her phone. "We could always order one. Look, Noah, we can get your name on it, too!"

"Want the shark backpack today!"

"Would it be here in time for school?" Ed asked, thinking about Labor Day, "We threw his old one out."

"Probably not," Feeling a tinge of frustration, Olivia looked toward the sky, "There must be a shark backpack in Manhattan."

"It in THE STORE!"

"Okay, sweet boy, calm down. We'll find it."

"When'd ya see it bud? Were you with me or Mommy?"

"With Daddy!"

"Were Maggie and Wyatt there?"

"No! Just Noah and Daddy!"

Ed scratched his face. The three of them moved to the edge of the sidewalk while he thought. Finally, he had it. "I know where it is. Drugstore by the pub."

"Drugstore?" Olivia frowned. Just thinking of the gimmicky, plasticky texture of a drugstore backpack made her cringe.

Ed read her mind and kissed her cheek, sneaking a soft bite at her earlobe as he pulled away. "Yes, the drugstore. CVS actually. C'mon. Then let's have lunch. I'm starving."

Oliva let Noah and Ed drag her down the sidewalk. She checked her phone and smiled. Brooke sent two pictures—a selfie of her and Wyatt and a shot of Sonny and Maggie. Everything appeared to be going smoothly, but Olivia texted just in case.

We're almost done shopping and then going to lunch. Are you okay with the twins for a couple more hours?

Brooke replied immediately. Absolutely, take your time, we're out exploring the neighborhood.

"Okay, boys," Olivia said brightly, "Backpack and lunch. What are we eating?"

"Sushi!" Noah exclaimed much to Ed's displeasure.

"Sushi? Sounds like another treat we should save for Sare bear," Olivia said. "What else sounds good? The pub?"

Noah twisted his lips. The pub had been reclassified as boys-only turf and he was debating whether or not to make an exception. "Okaaaaay," he said slowly. "I get tater tots and bacon chee'burger."

Olivia raised her eyebrows at her husband.

"We, uh, we don't order from the children's menu anymore," he explained.

"Nope!" Noah said, "We read da BIG menu now!"

"Reading, huh?" Olivia jested.

"Yeah," Ed replied with a shrug. "He knows half the appetizers and we'll be on salads next."

Olivia buried the feeling of disappointment that she had not witnessed the pub reading lessons and kissed her husband's cheek. "Whatever works. Will you read the menu to me, sweet boy?"

"Yep!" Noah said, skipping along, "I read the WHOLE THING!"

#Tuckson