A/N: Welcome to chapter 29 of Fractured Love!
I was rereading this chapter before uploading and man, I love it even more than when I was writing it. Prepare yourself for another sucker punch to your emotional cores. This chapter will take you on a roller coaster for all three main characters. Just a fair warning :).
Without any further ado, I'll let you get to reading. Remember, I do not own FF7 or any of its characters, Zack and Cloud rock, and Sephiroth is the best antagonist ever created.
Enjoy!
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Chapter 29
Dawn was only just arriving on the horizon when Zack woke up the next morning. Though it wasn't really visible underneath the plate where he was, he knew it was around that time. Even after only a week of training his body had already adapted to the sleep-awake rhythm of a SOLDIER cadet.
As he woke he briefly surveyed his surroundings, noticing that he wasn't in his bunk back at base. Instead he was at his old room in Seventh Heaven. Turning his head to the left, where Cloud was snuggled up against him and sleeping soundly, he recalled last night's events. He scowled then, not at Cloud but at himself.
He was supposed to be the one to be able to let go. He was supposed to be the one able to say no. He was supposed to push Cloud in the right direction that way instead of keeping him stagnant. But all of that didn't happen. Instead he'd used his own tiredness as an excuse to just stop caring and let whatever Cloud wanted to happen happen. Gaia, he hated himself right at that moment.
He disentangled himself from the sheets, taking care that he wouldn't wake up his blonde friend. He was in luck as the latter continued to sleep undisturbed. Zack then tiptoed around the room to gather his clothes and put them on. There was only one thing on his mind. Go away. He needed to get away from this oppressive life and go back to the SOLDIER programme, That's where he wanted to be. That's where he had been happier than he'd been in a long while despite the harsh training.
Without any further delay he quickly got dressed and silently slipped out of the room, down the stairs and out of the building. He didn't even take the opportunity to sleep in for once, to have breakfast with his friends, or to even leave a note of his departure. He just needed to get away.
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As soon as Cloud woke up a few hours later, he noticed the vacant spot next to him. He immediately wondered where Zack was. He decided to find out and stepped out of the bed in order to find him. He threw on some clothes along the way before leaving the room. His first idea was that his best friend simply had to go to the bathroom, so he started there. He was disappointed to find it empty though.
His mood brightened when he considered that Zack could simply be downstairs making breakfast. That sounded like something Zack would do. After all, he had cared for the blonde for so long now he knew exactly what was necessary.
With renewed vigour, the blonde practically ran down the stairs, "Zack, what are you making?" He said as he ran into the kitchen.
His face fell again when he found this room empty too, "Zack?" He called out, "Where are you?"
Like he had done many times before, he started a thorough search of the bar. He checked the back, the storage, every room upstairs, but came out empty handed.
By then his search had woken up the final resident of Seventh Heaven. Tifa was still rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she emerged from her own room to find Cloud searching for his best friend again.
"Cloud?" She caught his attention.
"Oh Tifa." He replied back to her, "Do you know where Zack is? I can't seem to find him."
"He's not with you?"
"No, and I don't know where he went."
Tifa quickly racked her brain as well as she could with her still hazy mind. She was able to guess that if Zack wasn't here anymore that he had decided to leave without either of them noticing. She could in part understand his actions, knowing that it had been really hard for him to concede to coming in the first place. Yet at the same time she also felt a slight anger, because now dealing with Cloud was up to her. Just, how was she going to accomplish it this time?
"Maybe he went to the grocery store." She suggested, knowing full well that that was very unlikely, but wanting to postpone any potential break downs from the blonde, "The personal pantry has pretty much run out, so maybe he's getting stuff for breakfast.
"That could be true." Cloud said with a firm nod and a small smile, "Maybe he wants to make something special now that he's back."
Again, it all sounded so logical to Cloud. Zack would try to do something special for them as a surprise. And he knew that their personal pantry was in fact in need of being refilled. Normally Tifa did the shopping, even before Zack had left, but the blonde wouldn't put it past his best friend to so something like this.
"I'd better get ready for when he comes back then." He said as he rushed back to his room.
Tifa watched with a worried expression as she saw how Cloud soon emerged with a fresh set of clothing in his hands and moved towards the bathroom to take a quick shower. In many ways Cloud was acting like a child, a mood that Tifa actually had gotten fairly used to by now because it was fairly common. In fact, Cloud acted childishly more often than not.
Still, that didn't make it any easier on her to witness it. Objectively, their relationships seemed more like she and Zack were Cloud's parents instead of his friends. In this scenario it was like Cloud was eagerly anticipating his father to come home with a treat, only to be disappointed later on when he wouldn't show up. While the lie was convenient for now, Tifa wouldn't be able to keep it up.
She was actually conflicted about it. One part of her felt that it would be easier to extend the lie in order to keep Cloud in an oblivious semi-happy state. Yet at the same time she felt bad for lying. She wanted to help Cloud, and fabricating falsities wasn't going to end up well for him in the end. All she could do for now was hope that Cloud wasn't going to respond too strongly to Zack not coming back.
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"Where have you been?" Kunsel, who had already been up when Zack returned to the barracks, asked.
Zack shifted his gaze towards his new friend. As much as he wanted to forget about last night and not talk about it, he knew there was no getting around it either, "Emergency call, remember? I was granted temporary leave."
Kunsel hummed and nodded while Zack walked towards him and sank down on his bunk. He took a quick survey of the room, seeing how their other barrack mates were either still sleeping or quietly minding their own business. He regarded the stiff form of his troubled friend then and asked in a low tone, "Did it have something to do with that friend you were talking about?"
Zack tensed slight upon hearing the question. Though he had talked a little bit about Cloud to Kunsel earlier, it wasn't a subject he was really comfortable in talking about yet, "None of your business Kunsel."
"Sorry Zack. I didn't mean to pry."
"Yes you did. Prying is a talent of yours, isn't it?" Zack responded harsher than he intended. The emotions of what had happened back at the bar overwhelming him slightly.
"I guess…" Kunsel trailed off, not sure what to make of his friend's demeanour. By now it was obvious to him that whatever kind of emergency Zack had faced must have made a serious impact on him. Still, that didn't make it any easier for him to understand what he was going through. He simply couldn't relate.
He decided to take a different approach then, "Zack, just know that if you want someone to talk to, you can count on me alright? You told me that you are so used to taking care of someone, but it's okay to allow someone else to take care of you as well. I'll be here if you need someone to listen to you."
With those words Kunsel didn't press any further and turned back to what he was doing prior to Zack's arrival, which was studying the SMC for an upcoming test this week. Zack felt relieved that he wasn't expected to reply. He felt like he wouldn't be able to have a normal conversation right at that moment. Still, it was comforting to know that he had someone to talk to should he ever feel like it. At this point he didn't feel like he ever would, but it was nice of Kunsel to offer nonetheless.
Still feeling fidgety and uncomfortable, Zack stood back up from his bunk and made to leave the room. Kunsel shot him an inquiring glance, but didn't say anything otherwise. Without looking at him, Zack did respond to it though, "I'm heading off to the gym. I need to think."
Kunsel nodded, "Okay."
No other words were spoken and Zack demurely made his way to the 47th floor. He took the stairs down instead of the elevator. For one it was only one floor he had to descend, and the other was that he simply didn't feel like standing still at this moment.
He soon arrived in front of the C gym. While on their own time, cadets were allowed to use any of the training facilities, provided they left whatever place they used as they had found it. The lights were all off, indicating that no one was inside. Zack was grateful for that, since he wanted to have a little bit of privacy right there and then.
He opened the door and stepped inside of the dark room. He flipped the switch on the wall to his right, washing the place in a yellow glow. It felt a bit weird to be there on his own now that he was here. It was like he was suddenly very aware of how much the room echoed, and as if every little move that he made would let the entire building know what he was doing. It was a silly thought, and of that he was aware, but he still felt it nonetheless.
Zack didn't allow the awkwardness that he felt stop him however. Taking a few experimental steps inside the room, he was soon running laps along the outer rim. Despite the harsh training he had faced last week, it felt good to be in motion. Then again, the massage Cloud had given him might have also helped with his soreness.
Cloud…thinking about his blonde friend made Zack increase his pace. He couldn't get over how he had simply stopped resisting so easily and allowed his best friend to do what he wanted. In retrospect, he should have put up more of a resistance. He should have talked Cloud out of his ideas and simply gone to bed to sleep. And yet he hadn't. It made him wonder. Though he was here in the SOLDIER programme in body, was he really here in spirit?
The notion angered him, though it was directed at himself. He stopped running and started doing squats. Though running allowed him to think, squats worked better for him. For the former he could simply allow his legs to take him along with his mind zoned out. What squats added to the equation, was pain. With each and every time he lowered himself, the muscles in his legs and butt would start burning a little bit more. He usually loved that sensation purely because it made him feel like he was actually accomplishing something, but right now it also had another purpose.
It was his punishment for not resisting more than he should have.
Zack was so lost in his venting of his emotions through physical exercise that he didn't notice that someone was watching him. Hidden in the shadows by the doorway, a bulky man observed him.
Angeal had heard about Zack's impromptu emergency call. He had his own suspicions of its nature, especially since he had had to deal with a frantic blonde earlier that day. Apparently, he hadn't been able to resolve the situation as well as he thought he did. He had actually opted on visiting the bar later that morning in order to retrieve Zack if necessary, but noticed that the latter had already reported back for duty. Searching around for the cadet discretely, he soon found him here.
He watched silently, not sure if he should announce his presence or simply leave the raven-haired young man to his own devices. That fact that it was fairly obvious to him that Zack was distraught over whatever had happened last night only served to make the feeling stronger. Then again, he was a SOLDIER First Class and Zack was a cadet. It was unseemly for them to affiliate with one another, even if Angeal's intentions were purely to consolidate him.
He had just resorted himself to turning around and leaving when a new sound stopped him. Looking back inside the gym he noticed that Zack had stopped doing squats and was now standing rooted on his spot. Though he had his back turned to the door, Angeal could see that he was crying. This new development made the Commander discard his earlier idea, as he stepped into the room.
Zack didn't hear him come in at first. He was convinced that he was alone and the sound of his own sniffs overpowered those of the boots slowly moving towards him. It wasn't until they came closer that he heard, and with a sharp intake of breath he turned around to see who the intruder was.
As soon as he saw that it was Angeal, he felt relieved. Of any people to walk on him like this, Angeal wasn't so bad. If it had been Shuryou in his stead, it would have been a completely different matter.
"Was it that bad?" Angeal said softly, expecting Zack to understand that he knew about the call.
Zack looked away and shrugged. He'd rather not go into the finer details of his reason for crying, "Just a bit overwhelming is all."
"I can only imagine. With how much I know you care for Cloud and with the way he was acting when he came to the Shinra Building to see you, it must have been rough."
"I'm used to it."
"Oh? Then how come you were crying?" Angeal prodded, hoping to get the young man to trust him and talk.
Zack turned his head to look at the Commander with a frown. He then shook his head, "It's not that. I mean, Cloud is fine…for now…I think." He took a deep steadying breath then, "It's just that I just left this morning while both he and Tifa were still asleep. I didn't even leave a note."
Angeal hummed and nodded his head while he crossed his arms in front of his chest, "So you feel guilty about that."
"Yeah…kinda…" Silence fell between the two, urging Zack to elaborate, "It's weird you know? For the past week I hardly thought about them, and when I was back at the bar I just couldn't help but want to get back here. But now that I'm here, all I can do is worry about them." He looked at Angeal pleadingly then, "Was it wrong for me to just leave like that, or was it wrong for me to go there in the first place?"
Angeal shook his head, "I'm afraid I cannot answer that question for you Zack. But I do know that you've made the right decision in coming back." Upon Zack's subsequent frown, Angeal continued, "You are honour bound to protect those you care for. It is your duty in life to pursue your dreams. Though it may not always seem that way, you are doing both by being here, because you're allowing Cloud to find his own way while you're becoming stronger yourself."
"I guess so…" Zack trailed off, not fully convinced yet, "But how will I know whether it'll truly be the right thing to do?"
"You don't. All you can do is assess your current situation, evaluate it and decide whether you want to keep things the way they are or make changes. You're simply trying to make a change this way. Whether it's the right one only the future will tell. But as long as your choices also result in protecting your honour, there is no real right or wrong answer." He then gently placed his hands on the younger man's shoulders, "If it's any consolation, I believe that this is the right choice for you."
They stood like that for a short moment, with Angeal regarding the young man as his words sank in. Believing he had said enough for now and that the other could use some time to think, he let go of Zack's shoulders and made to leave the room.
"Don't train yourself too hard today cadet. There's plenty more where that came from in the next eleven weeks." He called out as he was moving through the door and shut it behind him.
It actually caused a small smile to appear on Zack's lips. He guessed he was one of the very few to not take this opportunity to rest their tired bodies. Truthfully his choice to exercise wasn't motivated by getting some actual extra training in, but it would probably still be considered a folly by the other cadets.
With his mind and emotions now more at peace than they had been before, Zack opted to call it a day for now. He made sure the gym was in proper order before switching off the lights and heading out. He took a quick shower and changed into a fresh uniform. Both caused him to feel more revitalised than before, and with a bit more confidence, Zack proceeded to the cafeteria for some breakfast in order to officially start off his first free day from training.
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The observation of how much Cloud acted like a child never left the forefront of Tifa's mind throughout the rest of the day.
After the blonde had taken a quick shower and had gotten dressed, he rushed down the stairs and took a seat at one of the tables in the bar area with his eyes fixated on the front door. The image was complete with his expecting smile and the way he leaned with his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands. If he had been smaller, he would probably be swinging his legs back and forth.
He had been sitting there for an hour. There was a disturbing kind of patience to it. Even as time progressed it was like he wasn't even aware of it. His expectance of watching Zack walk in through that door any moment now never diminished even once. Even Tifa's urging to come and take breakfast didn't make him waver. After all, Zack had gone out to get some breakfast for them, right? It wouldn't do for him to have one already. How ungrateful was that?
There was little that Tifa could do at this point. She could technically crush his hopes by telling him Zack wasn't coming back. Though she felt like she should, there were two things that stopped her from doing so.
First of all, there was a chance that Cloud wouldn't even believe her. He tended to be very stubborn while in this state. If he had set his mind to believing that Zack was out to the grocery store and would return soon, then that was how it was going to be. The opposite just wouldn't register in his mind, and he would continue what he was doing despite the truth.
The other reason was the complete opposite. There was also a chance that learning the truth would crush the blonde's hopes completely. In that case there was no telling what he would do. He would panic for sure, but Tifa had by now learned that there were different kinds of panics that Cloud experienced. Some would cause him to completely shut down and be reduced to a crying and begging mess, others would shock him into a state of apathy. In all honesty Tifa could deal with those. Though scary, she had learned by now what she should do in these cases.
It was the last form that she was most scared about. It was the kind where Cloud would shut her out and render her powerless. Like the one he had when she decided to call for Zack, because Cloud wouldn't come out of his room and was unpredictable enough to make that statement reality.
This was the main reason that she refrained from speaking up. She felt guilty for calling Zack away from the SOLDIER programme in the first place. After all, if it wasn't for her taking care of Cloud, Zack would most likely not even be there. Having to call right away again wouldn't solve anything.
But as she observed him another feeling made its way to her gut. As a child, she had always liked Cloud just because he was different. It made him interesting, and his kindness, despite his shy demeanour, made her feel appreciated. Even after he closed himself off more and more from the rest of their hometown as the years progressed, and Tifa saw even less of him, she had harboured those feelings for him.
In part it was also because she hadn't realised the full extent of the blonde's mental problems. Even as she confronted Zack about it just before they left Nibelheim together, she hadn't understood what was really going on in its entirety. And when the opportunity arose for her to become a part of that small circle, she had eagerly grabbed it. On one end it was because there was nothing for her left in Nibelheim, but on the other end it was also because she had still harboured a small hope that she and Cloud could ever be together now that he was going to get the help he needed.
But as she looked at him now, a sixteen-year-old teen acting like half his age, she suddenly started doubting her feelings. Sure, she knew that it was only due to Cloud's unstable mental condition that he acted this way, but was there ever going to be hope for him to recover fully? To grow up into the adult he needed to become, take charge of his own life and become a loving partner?
Tifa ducked into the kitchen from where she'd been observing Cloud from behind the counter of the bar. Her emotions were suddenly overwhelming her. She wanted to see who Cloud was supposed to be – what he could become, but was that a realistic thing to do? What if Cloud never fully recovered? What if he would always keep some dependence on his best friend? What if he would always require the care of another for the rest of his life? Could she do it, knowing that she actually wanted to love him? Could she keep up being a mother instead of a wife for the rest of her life? How could she even have feelings for such a cry-baby? For in all honesty, that was exactly what Cloud had been all this time – nothing more than a big, teenage cry-baby.
Unbeknownst to the blonde out front, Tifa cried to herself in that kitchen. She wasn't even particularly quiet about it. The fears and doubts were so strong at that moment that she simply couldn't restrain herself. She felt so Gaia damn powerless and without hope. She both expected and feared that Cloud would hear her and allow his curiosity to take the better of him and come in to check on her.
Though was fear the right word? Wouldn't it be a good thing if Cloud would stop pining after Zack and show some concern for Tifa for a change? The thought confused Tifa even more. It was so contradictory that it only caused her to cry harder as another wave of emotions hit her.
But Cloud never showed up in that doorway. Even after Tifa had eventually been able to stop crying and step out of the kitchen again, he was still sitting there. Like a lifelike statue, he hadn't moved an inch from him position.
And Tifa just didn't know what to do.
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A/N: So Zack ran away, Cloud is being a kid and Tifa is starting to doubt herself. Is there anything that can happen that might make a change for these characters? Actually, the answer is yes, but that's something for the next chapter. It's turning point time people. Another integral part of the story will be introduced and then I should be able to speed up again a few weeks. I'm hyped!
Until next time! Leave a review on your way out please!
