Author's Note: I'm a rat bastard, but you trust this rat bastard, right? Hang in there for me.
Let's do the damn thing:
The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot
"Christ, this can't be happening to me!"
Darcy covered his face with his hands, head shaking in utter disbelief. Things had been going so well – better than he could have ever imagined, actually, and then seemingly within the blink of an eye it all came crashing down around him.
Charlie stepped into best friend mode slipping a firm, supportive arm around Darcy's dejected shoulders. "Nobody blames you, man."
"How could you not?" he looked at Charles in awe. "It's the stupidest thing I've could've done."
"To be honest, I would've done the same if I were in your shoes," Charlie admitted, and as the two of them watched Richard break into the 'robot' portion of his end-zone dance, he said, "dude, Anne was wide open, you had to pass to her."
Eyes narrowing, Darcy turned away from the touchdown celebration to face his unathletic cousin. "I bet if that ball was the flu you would have caught it!"
"Oh my god," Anne gasped, "is that going around? Mother, mother! I'm taking my brunch inside!" she yelled, storming off for the main house in an absolute panic with one of Lady Catherine's handlers trailing behind her.
Richard put on quite a show for his sore-loser cousin, dancing with a laughing Charlotte and Jane before trotting toward Darcy making sure to put a Gene Kelly flair to his moves. "Have you ever seen anything so beautiful in your life? Of course you haven't!" he teased and moon-walked his way to the picnic area. "My skills are unmatched! My defense is impregnable! I wanna eat your children! I'll fuck ya 'til you love me! I'll…" his mind blanked on bizarre Mike Tyson quotes when his eyes got a load of Lizzie chatting away amiably with – no, no it couldn't be…
"Oh, oh jesus shit."
Noticing him out of the corner of her eye, Eva turned to greet Richard with a smile. "Long time no see, stranger." She smiled. "How've you been?"
Shock wearing off, Richard's face set itself into a scowl, a facial expression Lizzie didn't think the jovial man was capable of making. "I've been just fine, Satan." Whipping around to glare at Auntie Catherine he barked, "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"
The older woman's innocent shrug made his stomach turn. "You're being abominably rude, Richard. Sit down, brunch is served."
"I…wow, the nerve you must possess…does Darcy even know about this?"
"Whatever Richard says, don't believe him!" That was Darcy calling out as he and the rest of the group approached the table. "His shitty playing only benefited from not having Anne on his team!"
It was only when Darcy froze in his tracks that it all clicked for Lizzie. She watched his eyes harden on her companion (then on Auntie who appeared to be more smug than usual), watched the color drain from his face and his mouth set itself into a thin line. Recognition had been kicking around in the back of her brain since they'd shaken hands, and now the memory of her conversation with a nervous Georgie all those months ago surged to the forefront of her mind.
"I admit I was shocked when I found out he was dating again. His last girlfriend, Eva…" she pulled a face.
"Trouble, huh?"
A nod, "That's one way of putting it; the way I was thinking involved a four letter word beginning with 'C'."
Lizzie grinned. "Uh-huh."
"Eva's just…well, a complete misuse of human cells – that's really the only way to say it that doesn't totally make me feel like I'm going to hell. She did a number on Will – the kind of number the sensitive types rarely recover from…"
This was Eva the Terrible. Eva the 'C U Next Tuesday'. Eva the, fiancé who'd had an affair with Daniel Wickham; and she had been sitting here giving the woman that was going into her fifth month of pregnancy tips, exchanging phone numbers, and setting up future lunch dates.
And Catherine had known this entire time.
Suddenly, Lizzie felt very ill.
"Fitzwilliam!" Eva's sunny tone only helped to thicken the tension. "Gosh, I haven't seen you in what? Four…maybe five months. You're looking wonderful; you too, Charles. And that adorable creature beside you must be, Jane. Lizzie's told me so much about you already that frankly I'm a bit irrationally angry at my parents for never giving me a sibling. I would have loved to have a sister like you."
Though thoroughly confused, Jane said a polite "Thank you", and eyed Charles suspiciously as he silently led her by the hand to their seats without bothering to return Eva's greeting.
"Grandma," Daisy began, tugging on the hem of Rose's pants, "why does cousin Darcy look like he's going to throw up?"
"He always looks like that, dear."
"…no he doesn't…"
"C'mon now sweethearts," Rose said quickly ushering the girls in the other direction, "let's grab your plates and set you up at the other table, hmm."
"But, I want to eat here," Jesse whined. "I'm the oldest and you guys are always making me leave just when things are getting interesting."
Rose spoke out of the side of her mouth. "You're too young to know what's interesting."
Darcy stiffly took his seat next to Lizzie, carefully unwrapped his silverware, and didn't bother to look up. "What are you doing here?"
Eva smiled. "I love a good Easter Egg hunt."
"Dig in everyone," Catherine cheerfully announced. "I think you'll find the salmon crepes to die for."
The clanking of forks and spoons on dishes filled in all of the awkward silence that had accumulated among the party, and Catherine feeling antsy (and rather missing the sound of her own voice) decided to inform everyone of every last detail of her shoot in Indonesia. She (with enthusiastic help from Henry) droned on endlessly about the food, the architecture, the darling people, and their darling customs. Her pompous deceit, her absolute disregard for his feelings and the utterly apparent lack of respect she held for his wife threw Darcy into a blind rage. His fingers absently curled around the butter knife he'd used on his toast and he barely registered getting out of his seat. When he jammed that knife square into Auntie's forehead, relief washed over his head and made its way out through his toes.
"Fitzwilliam? Fitzwilliam!"
He almost didn't hear his name being called over everyone's applause, and Darcy lifted his head up to see his Auntie situated at the head of the table, mimosa in hand, and head sadly butter knife free.
Catherine raised a brow. "Did you say something?"
Darcy shook the remnants of his satisfying fantasy away. "I said, just what the fuck are you, playing at?" he growled.
"Excuse me," Auntie's free hand flew to her chest and she looked appropriately scandalized by his language. "I don't care for your tone, young man."
"You invite Eva here and then have the gall to be offended by my tone?"
"Oh I think I have an awful lot to be offended by, Fitzwilliam Marcus," she laughed hollowly. "Your insult to my intelligence for one; did you really think me so stupid as to believe a quickie, whirlwind relationship with this guttersnipe! I've spent nearly a year cleaning up your mistakes! Fighting to keep your name out of the tabloids when photographers have caught you out drinking and whoring around, and you bring this girl, this nobody, whom you've knocked up, into my house and attempt to pass her off as someone worthy of the 'Darcy' name?! How dare you!"
Rose placed one hand on Lizzie's knee to keep her still and moved the knives away with the other. "Cathy…" she said warningly.
"Shut up, Rose!" Catherine shouted. "You were cut from this family a long time ago, this doesn't concern you." Eye darting back to Darcy she said, "Your mother and father must be spinning so hard in their graves right now they've got to be practically to China! Eva is here because I know your every move, boy, and I wanted you to know once and for all that I am done covering your ass. The press can have a field day with you!" She let out a nasty snicker. "Eva's pregnant as well. I suppose you'll want to marry her, too."
Mouths dropped open, Darcy went ashen, and Lizzie, poor Lizzie rose from her seat with a deadly silence and walked away.
"Lizzie, Lizzie wait!" Darcy called out hurrying after her.
Both Jane and Charlotte made a move to get up, but Richard put a hand out to stop them. "Let them go," he solemnly ordered. "They need to talk."
"I knew you were a nasty piece of work, Cathy, but I never thought you were capable of something so cruel," Rose said through gritted teeth.
"Oh please!" Catherine gave an exaggerated roll of her eyes. "If Emma were here…"
"If Emma were here, she'd very quietly gather up her things while I told you to go fuck yourself. Lizzie is everything Em and Marc would have hoped for in a daughter-in-law; she's sweet, and beautiful, and smart as a whip, and she loves that boy with all of her heart. They would adore her and you know it, so don't tell me you've done this to stop the Darcy/Fitzwilliam name from being sullied. You did this because you're a bitter, old bitch who will die alone."
"Lizzie, please! Could you just stop for a second?" Darcy reached out and grabbed her arm only to have her violently wrench free of his grasp.
"Let go of me!"
"Lizzie, stop and talk to me for god's sake!" he pleaded, taking hold of her again and spun her around so that they were face to face.
She wasted no time slapping him hard across the cheek.
"Did you sleep with her?" Lizzie asked him furiously.
He hesitated, rubbing his cheek. "I…"
"Did you?!" she screamed.
"Yes," Darcy reluctantly admitted.
"Oh my god…" Lizzie wildly ran her fingers through her hair with a frustrated sigh.
"It happened after we came home from New Hampshire. I – I already had feelings for you and you were so angry with me, I just I wasn't thinking and I…"
"So is this what you do, then? Whenever things aren't going exactly the way you want them to, you go out and bang the first woman you can find?"
"No! It wasn't like that!"
"Then what was it like?" Lizzie wiped at her face while blinking back tears. "A condom isn't some fucking myth like Santa Claus, they do exist and they do work!"
"That's just it!" he exclaimed throwing his hands up. "I wore a condom! Lizzie, I swear to you…"
"All this time, you knew – you knew you'd broken our contract and you went ahead and married me anyway! I was no longer legally bound to you, but I guess the precious Darcy name was just too important."
"No," Darcy said head shaking, "this stopped being about that goddamn contract a long time ago! Lizzie, I married you because I lo-…"
"Don't," she choked back a sob, "don't tell me you love me; not now. I don't want to be angry the first time I hear you say that."
Darcy's eyes were pleading and he took a step forward – into a big puddle? He looked up from his soaked shoes into Lizzie's panic stricken face.
Richard arched his back in order to remove the ringing cell phone from his pocket and flipped it open. "Hello, you've reached the Ninth Circle of Hell. Satan is not in right now, but Cerberus is available to take your calls." He held the phone out to Eva. "It's for you."
"Richard stop fucking around!" Darcy's voice could be heard booming from the other end of the line and Richard quickly put the phone back to his ear. The call ended a second later and he was on his feet. "Have them bring the cars around front," he ordered Lady Catherine, "mom, get Jesse and Daisy will you?"
"Richard, what's wrong?" Charlotte asked worriedly.
He swallowed. "Lizzie's water just broke."
Author's Note: Well, I said I was going to try and get this chapter out sooner and I toiled away on this for the better part of the night to make it happen. Sleep is for the weak. :)
I'm off to work, so do me a favor and leave me some awesome feedback to look forward to after a soul-sucking day of retail.
