Chapter 29
The Bubble Bursts
I left the Sand siblings in the waiting room and walked into the Hokage's office. A familiar feeling was creeping into my conscious – I was in trouble. I observed the painted coral walls and emerald green panels that supported the ceiling. There were many small piles of books stacked on top of each other tied with string dotted around the room. In truth the place didn't look particularly organised.
In the centre was an orange desk where the beautiful Sannin glanced up from her papers with an unfriendly stare. A steaming cup of tea was also on the table alongside a collection of scrolls. I marvelled at the beauty of the Hokage rumours that she was in her fifties couldn't possibly be true! Her long blond hair was tied back in loose pigtails that trailed down her back. Her skin was so smooth and there was that unusual purple diamond mark on her forehead. Perhaps that was why the villagers referred to her as Hime I wondered.
In the presence of such an icon I was hopeless, unable to open the conversation and ask why I had been summoned so hastily. There was a young woman standing behind her this must be Shizune I thought, Tsunade's apprentice. She too had piercing eyes that seemed to look straight into my soul. I bowed to both trying to be polite.
"Come here," the blonde commanded gesturing me to venture forward towards the desk. "Let me look upon you." There was a strange tone to the woman's voice almost as though she was analysing a patient. I obeyed without question. The two women studied me for a time their disapproval increasing with each passing minute.
"So, you'd rather visit your family before making formal introductions to your own Hokage?"
"I'm really sorry ma'am. It's just I've really missed them and-" I was immediately interrupted.
"They tell me you can perform the Mokuton jutsu, Yasu, is that true?"
"Yes," I replied gulping at the change of subject. Matron Shun had been right the village elders wanted to know everything now there was no escaping the scrutiny this time.
"Did you know that there was only one man in the entire history of the Leaf that could use such jutsu?"
"Yes ma'am, it was the honourable Shodai Hokage, Senju Hashirama."
"That's right Ambassador, my grandfather," she threw a slip of paper towards the end of the table. "Pick it up," she barked roughly. Automatically I complied unsure why the Hokage's attitude was prickly. "Read it," Tsunade continued still searching, for what I did not know. There was overt annoyance in the way she held herself, shaking her head in disbelief. I felt frightened, what else had I done to displease the Godaime Hokage so much?
The paper was a doctor's report; my own case file from the hospital containing details about previous injuries, allergies and basic stats. I glanced nervously at the woman a steady bubble of terror expanding in my chest. What was I missing here? Why was I looking at my health record? I tried to speak but it felt disrespectful to ask questions about the actions of the village leader.
In all this time Tsunade's attention never wavered. She was watching like a hawk ready to hunt, looking for a particular sign. When none came Shizune gave her a meaningful look.
"I'm sorry," I pleaded my feet rooted to the spot. "I fail to understand…"
"Read the additional notes regarding the blood test," Shizune prodded me pointing at the red ink scribbled at the edge of the page. I was blood type O positive an extremely rare blood type. I read on, my mother was A, and my father was…A, my hands crushed the paper as I gripped it tightly. That wasn't right, how could I have such a difference in blood type? The DNA strands from my mother's report matched my own. I hesitated not entirely sure that I wanted to go on.
"What's the matter, Yasu?" the unyielding voice echoed around the room.
There was no going back I realised, attached to this report - another slip of paper, with yet another record of DNA data. I devoured both slips despite the strain of reading such tiny writing. My eyes widened in despair my father Kenshin was a mismatch the notes said in capital letters. A cough squeezed from my throat. The DNA pattern of this other man was the missing link. I read the name.
"I don't know who this man is!" I cried out struggling to comprehend what I'd just discovered.
"Are you sure?"
"I don't know!" I shrieked back in alarm.
Tsunade rose from the table and slapped me hard. "If you're lying to me I swear I'll have you beheaded!" Her voice was like thunder rattling every bone in my body.
I stayed on the floor completely numb staring blankly at the pair of black heels. What dawned on me first was that the person I thought was my father couldn't possibly be. The second were thoughts to my mother and suddenly I felt sick inside.
"That man, the DNA results matched was my own father," the female revealed. "I want to know Yasu, when your whore of a mother took advantage of an older man. How she bewitched him to the extent that he would cuckold my mother!"
"Lady Tsunade!" Shizune protested in horror. "The girl obviously did not know please allow her to speak with those involved."
"You've got to be kidding," I laughed at the ridiculous situation not feeling quite sane. "That makes us half sisters?"
"The Mokuton gene obviously by passed my father but lay dormant in his cells. I did not receive the Kekkei genkai heritage from my Grandfather. We'd assumed that the power was lost forever when it died with Hashirama," the Hokage pondered with laughter to match my own. "To find that a grunt like you carries the same blood in your veins is repulsive. I can't think of a person more unworthy of the honour that it makes me feel raped to the core!" she was physically shaking.
"What about Naoki?" I whimpered back.
"My God, if that boy is the same I will personally slaughter the lot of you! Do you not realise what your mother has done? When I look at you all I can think about is slicing your treacherous Katashi family into pieces."
I fell to my knees and begged, "Please don't! It's been a secret this long no one needs to know. I swear upon my life that I won't tell another human being. As long as I live it will never pass my lips again." I tugged at the green robe the Hokage was wearing. "Do what you must, place a genjutsu on me anything, but please spare my family!"
The Godaime Hokage considered my grovelling form with contempt. There was nothing more I could do to pacify the woman. I was at a loss having felt betrayed and hurt only a few days ago I thought home would be a safe place. I could understand the outrage and indignity of Lady Tsunade's situation. What made things worse was that I was the sole cause of it. This was something that couldn't be put right, no matter how hard I tried.
"I'll throw you back to Suna with pleasure!" the Sannin growled. "You are forbidden to use the Mokuton jutsu and if you disobey me, you'll be sorry! Now, get out of my sight!"
I don't remember the walk back to mother it was a fusion of sounds and colours. Someone was calling my name but I couldn't respond.
"I have to see mother," I told them and said no more.
Vaguely I recalled children running down the street and the leaves rustling in the wind. It was a woozy daydream I was floating unable to feel the ground beneath my feet. All the shouts and music was muffled as though my ears were underwater. My body was in the centre of the village and yet I didn't feel that I was here at all. It was a separate world I no longer belonged to. I could see the buildings, touch them. I could taste the squid cooking on the open grills and smell their overpowering aroma. Yet I felt detached, uprooted almost.
When I was in Suna all I craved for was the comforts of home and now… I sighed and asked myself hopelessly, "Where do I belong?"
At dusk the house was partially cast in blue shadow. The honey glow of light from the windows made a welcoming scene. I paused at the entrance removing my sandals
before finally stepping inside.
Mother was in the kitchen peeling vegetables as I came in. I sat down stiffly into one of the nearby chairs staring hard at her back. She was a petite woman with blond hair just like mine although hers had silver strands intertwined. At forty five years old and a widow my mother had certainly not allowed herself to become a shrivelled flower. She wore a scarlet red kimono fashioned with green lotus flowers and short sleeves. Her posture was always so grand, always so sure of itself, proud like a peacock. I couldn't help but wonder how this conversation was going to happen. Mother had a way that could make even the hardiest of men think twice. With a tongue quick as a viper's strike and a scolding temper to match.
Inside of me there was doubt battling with a desperate need to know the truth. If I wanted to settle this and find any peace of mind I had to do it. I'd faced worse things and lived to tell the tale, somehow they didn't compare to facing the wrath of mother. I searched for Naoki and when I confirmed he was nowhere about I took a deep breath.
"Mother, I need to ask you something." Speaking the words with a calm I did not feel.
"Trust you to ask questions when you can clearly see there is work to be done!" She turned around evidently annoyed. "Have you forgotten a daughter's duty to assist her mother? Or has becoming Ambassador wiped away any manners you have left?"
I jumped to my feet scuttling over to the bowls and chop sticks.
"I apologise mother…"
"So you should," she replied waspishly. "Honestly, you disappear for a year leaving your mother and brother to fend for themselves, living the high life!"
"I wouldn't call being Ambassador easy, mother."
"Don't you contradict me I am still your mother and you can forget your fancy airs and graces here. I don't want to hear any back chat from you…"
I looked at the bowls in my hands listening to the continued nagging and droning behind me. The negative ranting held no love or pride for the things that I'd achieved. Yes, I had made my own fair share of mistakes and abandoned home. However there were things that I had done well too. I had survived and lived a full life in Suna - without my mother's protection. I had grown and matured into a stronger person. The skills I had learnt and the people I'd met were fascinating. Surely a parent could make time to listen and forgive the mistakes.
Why was it that people felt they could shout at me like that? Putting me down and recalling my failings and short comings. Why was Yasu Katashi nothing but a disappointment to the people who were supposed to care about her?
There was a craziness spreading. A hot band stretched across my forehead then down into my cheeks making them flush. I held the bowls a little higher allowing the madness to sink in before letting them crash to the floor.
"What do you think you're doing?" my mother squawked. "Pick the pieces up at once you clumsy girl!"
I whirled around and held my mother's gaze deliberately. "No," I said.
"You will do as you're told!" the bully rounded on me.
"When did you plan on telling me that Kenshin Katashi was not my real father?"
That stopped her immediately. She stepped back towards the table taking care not to stand on the pieces of broken pristine china.
"Where did you hear such nonsense?" She asked her voice softening. "Did Naoki's friends say that to you? Little Yasu, always so gullible. I'm disappointed I thought you'd have grown up. Come now, pick up the pieces and we'll say no more."
"It was the Godaime Hokage," I corrected her crossing my arms. "She said you had an affair."
"An affair?" The older woman snorted. "How could you even think that I would cause such dishonour to our family?"
"I saw the records mother," my voice was dispassionate.
"You can falsify records Yasu, use your brain!" she sighed.
"Are you calling the Hokage, a liar?" I narrowed my eyes seeing for the first time how manipulative my mother could be. "Did father know that you cheated on him? Did you lie to him too?" I demanded raising my voice.
"How dare you!" she boomed the mask cracking in front of my eyes. The pose and control that she displayed was falling away. I could see now everything was true. The woman was in complete stark denial. "After everything I have sacrificed for you. I brought you up alone and for what! To be judged by a weak brat. I never wanted you!" she cackled slyly hazel eyes flashing. "You were a mistake."
In a strange way I was prepared for such cruelty. I didn't crumble and when she saw that her power over me was gone it infuriated her. The only regret I felt was that I'd not stood up to my own monster sooner.
"No, you made mistakes and you've been trying to punish me for them my whole life," I said bravely as my heart was breaking. "I tried to please you. I did everything you asked and it still wasn't enough. Mother, you lied to me."
The proud woman had turned her back on me. I had no idea what expression she wore and nor did I care. My hands clasped together feebly. Time seemed to slow down and I felt the hurt sweeping through me. There was no reason to stay I thought licking my lips out of habit.
"Why didn't Naoki receive my letters?" I asked coldly.
"Do you think that I would allow my only son to read such utter nonsense?"
"Goodbye Mother," I said firmly walking towards the door and sliding it open.
Time was passing but I had no idea how long it had been since walking from the house away from the bustling streets. I had such dark desires to be completely alone cut off from human contact for the rest of my life. To jump into a lake and sink to the bottom where no one could find me. The freedom was elevating with the cost so high that I wondered if I could ever smile or be happy again.
I stumbled across the clearing which revealed a steeper slope, this I climbed. Upon reaching the crest of the grassy hill I fell onto my back exhausted. The anger sustained me for a while but before long the calm came. The tears also came, a forgotten release that I allowed in after rejecting it for so long - it was bliss. Yasu Katashi could weep and it didn't matter.
Light rain drops fell steadily onto the bridge of my nose. I stayed there feeling the damp seep into my robes icy cold, as cold as the stars. In a trance I folded my hands inside the sleeves and stared dumbly. The rain became heavier and more prominent. I should find shelter I thought lazily. Sneezing I dried my nose with a wet tissue and smoothed back the pangs of hair that clung to my face.
"It will not do much good to become ill," Gaara crouched by me the sand creating an arch above us stopping the rain.
"What do you care," I spoke freely. "Why should the great Kazekage of Suna give a damn about my welfare, hmm?"
Gaara cleared his throat. "Have you no respect for yourself?"
When there was no response the red head took a brief moment to rethink. It was no fun having two taciturn people in this conversation and Gaara found the experience uncomfortable.
"I followed you to the house," he confessed. "I heard the exchange..."
I continued to sulk. He'd heard every nasty detail about my life. No doubt further disgusted at my mother's infidelity and how it reflected upon me. "Your conduct was admirable in such circumstances. Are you…" He broke off abruptly. "Are you," he forced the question into the open air once more. "Alright, Yasu?"
The stinging in my throat was unbearable how could he ask me that?
"Like a few things recently, - I'm not the person I thought I was," I said glumly. Why was this happening to me? All the people and places that kept me grounded were disappearing. There were voices, cruel slurs and rebukes tearing into me. People I trusted had hurt me. Was it because of my stupid, petty ways? Perhaps it was to punish me for the mistakes I had made. I was stumbling into a fog. There was a sinking feeling creeping in, dragging me down into emptiness. Somewhere that was devoid of all happiness, somewhere cold. I could feel my sanity draining away, so pathetic and so small. I was useless after all, what reason did I have to be here?
"I may as well just not exist." Tears stained my face the sinking tide threatening to swallow me whole.
Then it stopped. I could feel again, a warm hand clutching my own. It curled around mine tightly our fingers meeting together. There was compassion there I felt it, as we linked hands. In complete shock my stomach fluttered nervously. There was a look of panic on his handsome features, but he didn't let go. He gazed at the rain instead breathing steadily through his nose.
"You hate the rain…" I remembered suddenly.
"Yes," he confirmed saying nothing more.
