Ugh, I got myself a cold...Then again, it could just be my body trying to heal my massive sunburn on depleted resources.

It's been a rough weekend. With work stress, no sleep and this awful sunburn, it's no wonder I caught a cold. And even the company of my second family wasn't enough to make it all better.

Oh well, I'm done talking about it. I want to forget all of it and get back to feeling human.

I wonder if Rumiko Takahashi had days like this?

To Be Alpha

"Enough!" Akemi growled as soon as she found the few members of her pack that had been brave enough and angry enough to step out and punish the neko youkai as Morenda had demonstrated he deserved. The sound far more ferocious and fearsome than the loudest, angriest yell. No member of the Broken pack, no matter how enraged they grew, would ever compare to a Feral growl unless they became Feral themselves.

Akemi was not impressed by the efforts of the other females.

The Feral saw no purpose in allowing others to torment the Eastern heir on her behalf when she, herself, had no urge to do so at all. If anyone should pound the neko for a slight delivered unto Akemi, it should darn well be Akemi doling it out. As a feral, she was fully capable of doing a great deal more damage than any member of the Broken Pack.

Unless death was their goal.

In which case, Akemi definitely did not approve. Killing anything you weren't going to eat was pure folly, and wholly unnecessary so long as physical survival remained unthreatened. That Horace was already on the ground and bloodied, spoke of the incomprehensible emotional motivations of her pack.

Most of the Broken Pack was incredibly reticent about acting in even a slightly aggressive way. They, the most resilient of them, would talk big, but most would not move to strike out, they wouldn't even threaten to do so. That so many had gathered and actually landed blows on the neko did not bode well for the feline youkai nor the mental stability of Morenda and her cohorts.

All of which Akemi would have to look into later. Right now she was too busy glaring them into backing off. They had already done more then enough.

The others sulked and slunk back towards the building they had come from, clearly not fully understanding why they had been called off, but willing to retreat at Akemi's direction.

The alpha shifted to insure that none of them met with her back.

She did not care if they went or if they stayed so long as they simply stopped walloping on the neko. Morenda was the last to disappear into the house, her gaze was confused and troubled as she glanced back over her shoulder and Akemi took note of it, like she did everything.

The Feral turned back to the bruised and bleeding neko and let loose a sigh.

What was with these fools society raised? Did they always have to make things worse before they could realize there was a problem?

Akemi crouched down before sticking her foot out to nudge the neko firmly.

Horace reared back and snarled at her angrily before wincing as the action tugged at the various shallow wounds and bruised skin.

She had warned him multiple times that what he was doing was wrong. Akemi fully understood what he wanted. She likewise understood that Morenda wanted to be with him almost as much as she wanted to run away from him in terror. The two wishes could be resolved positively if the fool male could behave like a real alpha and care for the needs, and fears, of the female he wanted.

Somebody somewhere had done a poor job of raising him and she was slowly coming to learn that most of the non-ferals in the world were incapable of taking an obvious hint and applying it. So she was going to have to be incredibly blunt.

"Now will you listen?" Akemi asked the defensive neko brusquely. This was his last chance, even if he didn't know about it. Horace had failed to accept any of her advice since they began this ridiculous dance, if he did so again, she would have to bar him from the house completely.

Akemi couldn't afford to give Morenda anymore of her personal attention right now. With the way Horace muddled things up, the kuroneko had required more than her fair share already. Akemi would supply the Morenda what attention she needed, and gladly, but to continue to do so in the face of such an impossible problem was unfair to the others of the pack. Others who needed her just as badly and whose males had greater chance of being successful.

Horace remained silent and sullen, but did not fail to give the impression of listening to whatever she would say next.

"You are the reason you have not been cleared to court my pack," Akemi told him bluntly. "She fears you." The Feral inu growled away his attempt to interrupt. "You demand things that distress her and never once bother to adjust your behavior to compensate for her anxiety."

The neko sat stunned, "I don't..." he trailed off, failing to finish the thought.

"You demand she submit to you," Akemi continued regardless of his unformed thought. "She cannot."

"What?"

"She cannot submit," Akemi repeated. "It is a physical hurt that you even ask it of her. She is alpha, as much as you, but she has been a repressed alpha. She stood against submission regardless of pain, torment, and abuse so long she is now incapable of submitting as you wish her to."

"But she submits to you," Horace protested. "Just now, she did."

Akemi sniffed at his stupidity. "I demanded nothing. That was not submission, not really. They chose me as alpha because I will not demand anything of them." Akemi stared over her shoulder at the house. "I bid them stop and they stopped because they decided I was right, or they chose to take my advice. I did not order them into the house. I did not force them to leave. Not like you seem to think I should have."

"The two males cleared for courting proved to be capable of adapting to the needs of their chosen females. One refuses to do anything unless his female expresses her wishes about his actions, proving that he would never suffocate her by keeping her helplessly and thoughtlessly submissive. The other's chosen female was one of the alphas. He was alpha enough himself to realize that she needed him to submit to her slightly to make her comfortable in his presence, knowing that she finds it very difficult to submit at all." Akemi explained to the fool on the lawn as she had never bothered to explain to any other. "Sometimes being alpha means to submit to the pack when the need arises." She turned her sharpened red gaze at the neko in the grass. "The kuroneko as she is now, could never submit to you. She hold no trust in you," the feral pointed out. "And your continual demand for her to roll over and just place herself in your care is not going to help build that trust."

"I-"

"You have to bend before she breaks," Akemi added with a growl. "and you have to demonstrate your ability and intention to do so before you will have the privilege of courting my pack sister privately."

"How do you know all that?" Horace wondered aloud. "Ferals lose all memory when they turn."

Akemi snorted at him, "Memory does not just evaporate in thin air like water from a puddle. It can hide underground, buried and untapped for long and long. But it can be retrieved and called to the surface by outside elements, such as words..."

Horace blinked, "I triggered this?"

"That is what the pack would believe," Akemi shrugged.

"So they attacked me because -"

"They believe you triggered the memories they themselves wish they could forget." the Feral confirmed mildly.

"Did I?"

Akemi blinked at him. "What I remember is no fault of yours. The memories are there because they happened, whether I consciously recall them or repress them, they are still there. The lessons I learned from them remain. The scars cannot disappear from my skin if I do not recollect how they were created."

"Scars?" Horace asked in surprise. It took quite a bit for a youkai to scar.

"Much the same as many of the others have," Akemi tilted her head at him. She lifted her arm and drew back the sleeve of her over sized shirt. Her fore arm was a mess of pocked and pale scar tissue. "They broke my arm many times, intentionally for reasons that no longer make sense to me. My hair used to be silver, I remember, now it is the color of my own left over blood."

"The others suffered much the same," Akemi concluded. "Did you think my pack held itself apart for no reason?"

"I..." Horace opened his mouth before completing his thought once again. "It wasn't real to me. Not before. I thought you were just..."

"Just an unreasoning monster," Akemi finished for him. "An unthinking beast who refused to see your place." She smirked at him, "I have come to find that non-ferals generally believe such nonsense in place of learning the truth of the matter. I was in your way, that was all you cared to see." Akemi rose to her feet and paused as the ground momentarily seemed to continue falling away after she came to a stop. "Go away today and ponder what you have learned. She does want to be with you, but she fears you. If you want to get her past her fear you have to figure out how to make her comfortable."

"Is that the same problem as the others have?" Horace questioned her as he too rose to his feet.

"Some," Akemi nodded. "Will you tell them? They, many of them, seem to have your trouble accepting a gentle hint though they are not quite as hopeless as you were."

The neko flushed with embarrassment before he nodded. "I might."

"Good." Akemi sighed. "I think I may have to bar visitors for the rest of today. They have had a bit too much excitement already." The Broken Pack could only stand so much exposure to outsiders at any given time and strenuously emotional incidents such as this one generally cut their tolerance rather short.

Horace chuckled mirthlessly, fully capable of seeing her point despite his being the creator and instigator of such excitement.

"You will tend to yourself?" the Feral asked of him. If he needed aid she would see about sending the Kagome out to him, but only if she had to. Her energy was running low after the events of the morning and she wouldn't be able to spare much of it to see to the pack. That left only Kagome to calm and soothe the feelings of today.

"Yeah," Horace confirmed, a little amused at the way she'd chosen to convey her concern. "Leave Kagome to the pack, I can manage my own way home."

Akemi nodded sharply in acknowledgment, watching the usually graceful neko stumble a bit as he took his first steps away from the mansion before settling into a steady, limping walk. She watched him for a time before turning back to the house her pack had taken over. She had to pause as the world around her continued to turn after she came to a stop before she could walk in the opposite direction of the departing neko.

The miko Kagome greeted her at the door with concern visible on her face. "What was that all about?"

Akemi sighed wearily, "He finally did something that broke Morenda's control." Kagome would know what she was talking about.

Morenda had evinced signs of lashing out when Horace got too pushy and close before.

"How did he get in?" Kagome wondered aloud.

"He was waiting for the shield to come down and made for Morenda before we knew he was there," Akemi answered. "It is all right now. I've given him this last chance to adjust his behavior and approach." Kagome sniffed disapprovingly, obviously unwilling to give him that much herself. But then, she'd been dealing with the neko longer than Akemi had. "It amazes me how non-ferals need to have everything explained to them in detail."

"You mean he didn't know he was the reason Morenda was always so nervous around him?" Kagome blinked in surprise.

"It is a common failing in most of the males that come here." Akemi shrugged before a momentary weakness caused her to fall back against the wall behind her.

"Akemi!" Kagome gasped in concern.

"I am fine," the feral assured her companion before her panic could draw too much attention from the slowly rousing house around them. "Just a little weary. I need something to eat before I return to my beta."

Kagome blinked, "Where is Sesshoumaru?" usually you never saw Akemi anywhere with out the silver inu right at her heels.

"Upstairs in Morenda's den," Akemi answered as she and the miko made a beeline for the kitchen. Kagome was the last person to delay feeding a pregnant female of any species. "And I need to get back up to him soon." Very soon actually, if the sudden half remembered memory were correct, she shouldn't be so far from him in the first place. The feral felt like sighing again. This mating business was turning out more complicated than it had originally seemed. "No more visitors today. There has been enough excitement already."

Kagome simply nodded as she found Akemi something to eat.

Akemi accepted the food and immediately walked out of the kitchen and back outside to climb up to Morenda's broken window. Leaping from the ground would have been quicker, but her aim wasn't likely to be accurate in the state she was already in.

After quickly ingesting her meal, Akemi dug her claws into the side of the building and began the tedious climb up the wall below the jagged opening of the splintered window. She could only hope her ignorance had not caused her new male any harm when she'd left him.