DISCLAIMER: This story is in no way associated with, or makes any claim to, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other fandom/celebrity/anything else you may recognise. It all belongs to their respective owners. No money is being made from this story which is purely written for entertainment.
TIMELINE: Part 1 in Roads Travelled. Post BTVS season 2, and during the Marauders last year at Hogwarts.
22 May
Remus sat on the floor of the Shrieking Shack, waiting for the full moon to rise – the last full moon he'd spend here, he realised as he wrapped a blanket tighter around himself. "One last run through the forest," he mumbled to himself under his breath, knowing his friends were waiting outside the door, also waiting for the moon to appear and for his transformation to be finished, so they could escape the building and wreak havoc in the Forbidden Forest for the final time.
Suddenly, there was some sort of commotion outside the door, and Remus' head whipped around, staring in confusion as Buffy walked through. "What are you doing here?" he asked incredulously.
"Keeping you company," Buffy said, sitting down.
"Well, go away," Remus exclaimed. "I don't want people to see me like this, especially not you!"
"Well, thanks," Buffy said with a raise of her eyebrow, slightly miffed. "It's nothing I haven't seen before, Re."
"That's not what I meant and you know it," Remus flushed. "I meant the transformation, not the fact that I'm naked!"
"We're soulmates, Remus," Buffy said quietly. "And I know you're embarrassed, or frightened you'll hurt me, or both, but the fact is you can't hurt me. And I love you. Don't push me away."
"This isn't about you," Remus said through gritted teeth. "It's about me. Yes! I am embarrassed! And yes, I am afraid. I'm afraid that when you see me transform, you'll change your mind about me."
"And break up with you?" Buffy said incredulously. "Re, didn't you hear a word of what I just said? I love you! The fact that you're a werewolf doesn't scare or bother me."
"Well, maybe it should," Remus snapped. "This isn't something to take lightly, Buffy. It's about who I am. Or rather, what I am. What I always will be, and it's not pretty."
"And you think I don't know that?" Buffy demanded to know. "I know better than anyone what it's like! I'm the Slayer!"
"You really can't compare that to this," Remus said, shuddering under his blankets. "It's ugly, and horrible, and painful, and it's all me. It's about what I feel, not about what you feel, and I'd hoped you would have learned to respect that."
"You're not the wolf," Buffy said, frustrated. "I don't care – "
"BUT YOU SHOULD CARE!" Remus exploded, trying to ignore the cramps travelling through his body as he could feel the transformation begin. "I am the wolf, Buffy. It's there, all the time. And it won't go away. It's part of me, and if you say you love me – if you really insist you love me, all of me, wolf and all, then you'd try to respect that it's a part of me I'm not entirely comfortable with sharing yet."
"I'm not afraid," Buffy insisted, crossing her arms stubbornly.
Remus shook his head, smiling painfully at her. "Then you don't understand." He let out a scream of pain, unable to hold back the transformation any longer.
Remus' tailbone elongated and became a tail, his nails became claws that could rip a human being to pieces with a single swipe. His hands and feet became paws, and fur sprouted across his skin. His teeth lengthened and sharpened and his mind began to slip away.
Buffy could just stare in shock at the gruesome sight. Blood splattered everywhere, and she was unable to hold back the tears. This was what the transformation was like? Suddenly, she realised what Remus had tried to tell her, the reason he didn't want her to share this part of him: he wasn't pushing her away because he was afraid he might scare her – he was pushing her away because he was afraid for her.
It wasn't because he was trying to protect her from the danger he posed physically, but because of the danger he presented mentally – was she able to handle her boyfriend ripping himself to pieces every month while she was unable to do anything about it, knowing that someday, it would probably kill him?
The reason he insisted she didn't understand was because she didn't – oh, she understood the danger Remus posed, but she didn't understand what it really meant to be the girlfriend of a werewolf, to claim to love all of him – to be able to love all of him. She couldn't say she didn't care he was a werewolf, because that was the same as saying she didn't care about him, that his lycanthropy didn't matter: Remus was the wolf, and all that it entailed.
Somehow, she thought absently as the transformation from human to wolf finally ended, Oz' transformations in Sunnydale hadn't been anything like these. She approached the werewolf carefully, allowing him to recognise her scent, before touching him, burying her face into the soft fur, crying softly.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled, knowing the human part of Remus was somewhere inside there. "I'm sorry for not listening. I understand now, Re. I understand. And I do love you," she added, sniffing slightly, and scratching the large creature behind the ears. "All of you. It kills me to see you hurt like this, but I still love you. And I'm not going anywhere."
25 May
"Alright, listen up!" James yelled to his team. "We've only got two days until our final game, which we must win in order to claim the Quidditch Cup. It's my last year here, and I don't plan on losing."
Michaela grinned at James. "Don't worry. We are better than ever – your slave driving has made sure of that."
The rest of the team laughed, and James frowned. "That might be true, but we still can't slack off. This is our last official practice, and I want to make the most of it," he said determinately. "I was up all night, counting and comparing statistics, and unfortunately, Slytherin is in the lead. Which means - " he made a theatrical pause, "we must not only beat Ravenclaw, but we must also have at least two hundred and sixty points by the time the game ends if we're going to beat Slytherin's points total. Also, Amanda, you can't catch the snitch until we're in the lead with at least sixty points, and at the earliest, when we have one hundred and ten points against Ravenclaw's fifty, preferrably less. If Ravenclaw catches the Snitch, I'll personally kill you," James finished.
"No pressure," Amanda muttered sarcastically.
"Up in the air, people," James shouted, mounting his broom and ignoring Amanda's input. "Let's go through the Chasers' formations one last time, alright?"
The practice went well, until James decided it was time to take out the bludgers: Ryan Samuelsson, the newest Chaser on the team, wasn't able to duck in time, and took one of the brutal balls straight to the head, falling off his broom.
"Ryan!" Amanda yelled in shock, and dove to catch him. Unfortunately, the fifth-year was too heavy for the small Seeker, and she only managed to slow down his fall, not stop him from hitting the ground at a worrying speed.
James and the rest of the team landed on the ground, pale faced. "Ryan?" James asked, voice shaking. "Ryan, can you hear me?"
"I see birds…" Ryan mumbled, eyes glassy as he stared up at his team mates, a stupid grin on his face. "Pretty…"
"Get him to the hospital wing," James said, dragging a hand through his hair worriedly. "Damn it. Amanda, are you okay?"
Amanda was green in the face and was clutching her shoulder in obvious pain. "I think I dislocated it when I tried to catch him," she admitted, voice faint.
James closed his eyes in defeat. "Let's hear what Madame Pomfrey has to say," he said, trying to remain positive. "Maybe it's not so bad."
"There is no way Mr Samuelsson will be able to compete in the Quidditch finale!" Poppy Pomfrey told James sternly, hands on her hips. "He's got a severe concussion and needs bed rest! As for Miss Lorne - " She pinched her lips tightly shut in displeasure, "I managed to set her shoulder in a matter of seconds, but she should be careful with it for at least a week – no strenuous activities. That includes Quidditch."
"But I feel fine!" Amanda protested hotly, jumping down from her hospital bed. "There is no way I'm not playing!"
"Poppy is right," James said heavily, "I can't let you play if you're hurt."
"You can't stop me!" Amanda replied coldly, crossing her arms. "I'll rest today and tomorrow, but if anyone tries to stop me from mounting a broom on Saturday, I'll personally kick their arse!"
"Miss Lorne," Madame Pomfrey said impatiently, "if you play, you risk damage to your shoulder that might be a lot more permanent."
"It's not like I'm a Chaser or a Beater," Amanda said sullenly. "I'm a Seeker, I only need one good arm."
"And what if a Bludger hits you?" the Matron countered. "I know what Quidditch is like, and I've seen more injuries induced by that idiotic game than I care to count!"
"I'm still playing," Amanda hissed, and stalked out of the hospital wing angrily.
"You can't seriously mean to let Amanda play, James," Gregory Morgan said, later at dinner.
"Well, you heard what she said!" James exclaimed. "There's no stopping her. And I need her in order to win."
"You have a reserve seeker," Lily reminded him.
"Sophia is not ready," James muttered. "It's bad enough I have to replace Ryan. Buffy, if you screw up, I'll put your head on a pike."
Buffy froze from her place on Lily's other side. "W-what? Me?" She laughed weakly, face quickly paling. "You can't be serious!"
"You are reserve Chaser," James reminded her.
"B-but I'm not ready either!" Buffy protested. "I've only been to what? One practice?"
"Well, we can't play with only two Chasers," Nick Vandom said. "As good as James and Micha are, with the amount of points we need to claim the Quidditch Cup, that's just not possible."
"I've barely been up on my broom! Anyone would be better than me."
"You're a natural," James said dismissively. "You'll be fine."
27 May
"...NICK! GIVE ME BACK MY HAIRBRUSH! RIGHT THIS INSTANT"
Nick laughed, and ran away from a very pissed off Michaela, her hairbrush between his teeth. The rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team rolled their eyes. James stood by the door, already dressed and ready, stomping his right foot impatiently, his arms crossed. He had given up trying to bring order fifteen minutes ago. It was useless.
"Catch me if you can, Micha!" Nick said as he took out the hairbrush of his mouth, waving it around.
"ALRIGHT!" James shouted, having finally had enough. Nick stopped, and Michaela quickly grabbed the hairbrush back, just to drop it again directly afterwards.
"Oh, gross Nick! You've drooled on it!"
James glared, waving his broom at them threateningly. "ATTENTION!"
"Yes, sir!" Buffy said, earning herself another glare. The team hastily grabbed their brooms and stood in line, doing their best not to start laughing at a pacing James.
"Okay. This is it. You all know what's at stake here and what we need to claim the cup. We. Are. The. Best. Damn. Team," James said, as he slammed his right fist into his left palm as if to make a point. "And we're going to win. Failure is not an option!"
"Yes, sir!" The team chorused. James glared again.
"I am extremely proud of this team and what we've managed to accomplish. A lot thanks to me," he added thoughtfully, and the team rolled their eyes. "Still, today is the only day that really matter. We've had some bad luck in the line-up, but I have no doubt Buffy will manage just fine. Won't you?" he said, his eyes narrowed as he glared at the Slayer.
"Of course, sir," Buffy said, grinning a little bit too heartily.
"And Amanda, you won't let me down?"
"Never, sir," Amanda said, shaking her head innocently, eyes wide, pretending not to hear the sniggers from the rest of the team.
"Right then," James said, nodding decisively. "Good." He took a deep breath, and began to lead the team out of the changing rooms. "Let's go win this shit."
"Yes, sir!" The team chorused.
"And stop calling me sir!"
"Yes, sir!"
"I think I'm going to throw up," Buffy hissed to Michaela as they walked out onto the pitch amongst much cheer.
"Try not to think about the crowd," Michaela advised. "Just worry about the Bludgers, the Quaffle, and the goalposts."
"Easy for you to say."
Michaela's lips twitched. "Well, you could try to imagine them in their underwear?" she jokingly suggested. Buffy, whose eyes had been travelling across the crowd and incidentally just landed on Dumbledore in the teacher's box, blanched in disgusted horror. Michaela chuckled. "Or maybe not."
"Buffy, are you ready to win?" James asked, interrupting the two girls.
"Absolutely," Buffy squeaked, nodding.
"Liar, liar, robes on fire," Michaela hissed in her ear as they mounted their brooms and rose from the ground as the whistle blew. The game had begun.
"Oh, shut up."
"LADIES AND GENTELEMEN, WITCHES AND WIZARDS," Sirius enhanced voice echoed across the pitch. "WELCOME TO THE LAST GAME OF THE SEASON, GRYFFINDOR AGAINST RAVENCLAW IN WHAT I'M SURE TO BE A GRIPPING FINALE! THERE HAS BEEN SOME LAST MINUTE CHANGES IN THE GRYFFINDOR LINE-UP DUE TO INJURY: BUFFY SUMMERS REPLACES RYAN SAMUELSSON AS CHASER. I'M SURE SHE'LL MAKE OUR HOUSE PROUD! ALSO PLAYING ARE JAMES POTTER, MICHAELA DUNCAN, NICK VANDOM, SAM BRYANT, GREGORY MORGAN, AAAAAAAAAND AMANDA LORNE! THIS IS THE TEAM WITH THE TRUE TALENT – IN BED, AND OUT OF IT - !"
"BLACK!" McGonagall screeched angrily, but she was drowned out by the cheers breaking out from the Gryffindor stands, and about half of Hufflepuff.
"FOR RAVENCLAW, WE HAVE JACK STUART, JOHN ADAMS, TOM CHASE, PRISCILLA NICHOLSON, RAY ANDERSON, LILA MOORE AAAAAAND MARIAH TYERS!"
All the Slytherins, Ravenclaws and the Hufflepuffs that hadn't cheered for Gryffindor, broke out into wild applause, though it quickly turned into boos when Sirius released his next comment: "SHOULD BE AN EASY VICTORY, GRYFFINDOR!"
"THE QUAFFLE HAS BEEN THROWN…AND IT IS IMMEDIATELY CAPTURED BY PRONGS – I MEAN, POTTER," Sirius back-pedalled when he saw McGonagall's frown. "WATCH HIM FLY! I GUESS IT COMES AS NO SURPRISE THAT HE HAS BEEN GIVEN OFFERS BY SEVERAL QUIDDITCH TEAMS…THE FACT THAT HE TURNED THEM ALL DOWN, THOUGH, MIGHT."
Gasps flew across the stands, as most of the population had, in fact, not been aware of James' refusal. Everyone not in Gryffindor (who had listened to James' speech down in the common room the day of the latest attack from Voldemort, and therefore knew of his plans – though even some of them had doubted, figuring it had just been something he said to comfort them) had expected James to go professional, and that he'd chosen not to was a slight shock.
"POTTER PASSES TO DUNCAN – WHO, BY THE WAY, WILL GO PROFESSIONAL, ALONG WITH HER BOYFRIEND, NICK VANDOM. MAKE SURE TO BUY YOUR SEASON TICKETS NOW, PEOPLE, BECAUSE ONCE IT GETS OUT THAT MICHAELA DUNCAN HAS BEEN RECRUITED, THEY'RE SURE TO RUN OUT QUICKLY. I MEAN, JUST WATCH THAT FINE BUTT!"
"BLACK!" McGonagall screeched angrily, and Michaela threw him the finger, before she effortlessly passed the Quaffle to Buffy.
"SORRY, BUT I MUST NOT TELL LIES," Sirius said. "THE QUAFFLE IS IN SUMMERS POSSESSION – SHE'S A NATURAL AT RIDING A BROOM, THAT MUCH IS OBVIOUS. I WONDER WHAT ELSE SHE'S GOOD AT RIDING?" Sirius said with a lecherous grin. "MOONY, ANY COMMENTS?"
Remus glared furiously at Sirius – if it wasn't for the fact he was out of reach at the moment… Buffy, however, had no such problems.
"OUCH!" Sirius yelled, as the Quaffle Buffy had had in her hand collided with his face. "ABPTER DAT DISCHTUSTING DISCHPLAY OF BIOLENSCHE FROB DE GRYFFINDOR RESERVE CHASER, RABENCLAW IS IN BOSSESSCHION OB DE QUAFFLE," Sirius said in his enhanced voice, his speech slightly hindered by the blood flowing from his nose.
McGonagall seemed to have no sympathy for his predicament, though she did stop the bleeding with a flick of her wand.
"BUFFY!" James yelled angrily at the blonde Chaser. "As much as I understand your need to do that, you're supposed to aim at the goalposts!"
"But Sirius is such an easy target," Buffy pouted.
James rolled his eyes, before diving to intercept the Quaffle dropped by one of the Ravenclaw Chasers.
"MOORE DROPS THE QUAFFLE – SLOPPY, BUT WHAT ELSE CAN YOU EXPECT FROM SOMEONE WHO SPENDS MORE TIME IN THE ASTRONOMY TOWER THAN ON THE QUIDDITCH PITCH? WHAT RAVENCLAW'S CAPTAIN WAS THINKING WHEN HE RECRUITED HER, I'LL NEVER KNOW…OR WAIT, I DO KNOW – SOME USE MONEY TO BUY A PLACE ON A TEAM, OTHERS USE THEIR TONGUES ON UNMENTIONABLE PLACES…"
"BLACK, I'M WARNING YOU!"
Sirius shrugged. "ANYWAY, POTTER PASSES TO DUNCAN, TO SUMMERS, BACK TO DUNCAN, TO POTTER – SCORE! TEN-ZERO, GRYFFINDOR!"
The game continued on, Gryffindor keeping their lead, but not without trouble – though Buffy was an excellent Chaser, the cooperation with James and Michaela didn't always go very smoothly. Since Buffy had only been to one practice, she didn't know all of the tricks and formations the other two Chasers used between them.
Also, with the exception of Lila Moore, who had replaced Susan Cooper when she was killed in one of the attacks from Voldemort and his followers, the Ravenclaw Chasers were very good – they didn't make many mistakes at all, and Gregory Morgan had a lot of trouble by the Gryffindor goalposts.
"NICHOLSON SCORES – WHICH BRINGS RAVENCLAW UP SEVENTY POINTS AGAINST GRYFFINDOR'S ONEHUNDRED," Sirius commented, chewing his lips worriedly: after all, he knew the statistics just as well as James, considering he had been the one kept awake all night when James figured them out. "SUMMERS HAS THE QUAFFLE…DUCKS A BLUDGER FROM ADAMS…SHE TRICKS CHASE…SCORE! ONEHUNDREDANDTEN – SEVENTY. NICE WORK, BUFFY!"
Unfortunately, Gryffindor weren't able to move further ahead in the point tally, as Ravenclaw's Chasers managed to make sure the lions didn't get ahead with more than forty points.
On top of that, Amanda was having some trouble on her broom, considering she wasn't a hundred percent due to her arm, and therefore wasn't able to keep the Ravenclaw Seeker away from the Snitch as well as she would have liked: after all, for Ravenclaw, it didn't matter when they caught the Snitch, while Amanda knew she had to wait until they were in the lead by sixty points.
Finally, when Gryffindor had two hundred and thirty points against Ravenclaw's one hundred and ninety, James called time-out.
"Alright," he told the team, blinking away the rain drops that had started to fall. "We only need twenty more points, and then keep that lead, and Amanda can capture the Snitch. I called the time-out now because I didn't want to give Ravenclaw the chance to score again. Nick, Sam, you must distract the Chasers – I know you've been backing up Amanda against the Ravenclaw Beaters and Mariah, but Amanda, you just have to manage on your own."
Amanda nodded, panting heavily, massaging her shoulder with a grimace. "I'll be fine."
"You're sure?" James asked, a frown between his eyebrows.
"Yes," Amanda said. "I'd have to be, even if I wasn't – you're not allowed to replace players during the game. I'll be fine, really. Mariah's not that good. My only worry is the bludgers, but I should manage to avoid them…"
"If you're sure…" James looked hesitant to send his already somewhat wounded seeker out for another round without a beater to back her up.
"Yes," Amanda insisted. "You need Sam and Nick more than I do. I've been ducking bludgers for years." She didn't mention her shoulder was giving her trouble to manoeuvre her broom as well as she would have liked.
The whistle blew, signalling the game had to start anew, and the players re-mounted their brooms.
"AND WE'RE OFF AGAIN," Sirius commented. "MOORE WITH THE QUAFFLE…IT'S RAINING, SO IT'S BECOMING RATHER SLIPPERY…CONSIDERING HOW SHE DROPPED IT IN THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME, I'D BE CAREFUL…OH, BAD LUCK, MOORE! ONE WOULD THINK YOU'D BE MORE USED TO THINGS COVERED IN FLUID…"
Lila had dropped the Quaffle, straight into the hands of Buffy, distracted by Sirius commentary.
"BLACK!" McGonagall growled.
"JUST CALLING IT AS I SEE IT, PROFESSOR MCG," Sirius said cheerfully, saluting his Head of House. "OOOH, TWOHUNDREDANDFORTY – ONEHUNDREDANDNINETY. NICE WORK, MICHA! ANDERSON IS IN POSSESSION OF THE QUAFFLE…OUCH, THAT MUST HAVE HURT!"
A well-aimed bludger from Nick had hit Ray Anderson straight in the back, making him drop the Quaffle, and forcing him to land due to the pain.
"SCORE AGAIN! POTTER SHOWS THE WAY! TWOHUNDREDANDFIFTY TO ONEHUNDREDANDNINETY. SAY WHAT YOU WANT, BUT PRONGS MUST KNOW HOW TO INSPIRE PEOPLE, CONSIDERING A TIME-OUT WAS ALL GRYFFINDOR NEEDED TO FURTHER THEIR LEAD! AND LORNE HAS SPOTTED THE SNITCH!"
Amanda had indeed – actually, she had spotted it the moment they re-mounted after the time-out, but hadn't done anything about it, other than keeping it in sight while she avoided Bludgers and distracted Mariah Tyers, the Ravenclaw Seeker. The moment she heard the point distance to Ravenclaw was the required sixty, she was off towards the golden ball.
"LORNE IS AN EXCELLENT SEEKER," Sirius commented. "SMOOTH MOVEMENTS – SHE MAKES TWISTS AND TURNS WE CAN ONLY DREAM OF DOING LOOK EASY. AND SHE'S JUST A THIRD-YEAR TOO, WITH A LOT OF TIME FOR MORE DEVELOPMENT. WILL SHE BE THE ONE TO MAKE SURE THE QUIDDITCH CUP STAYS IN PROFESSOR MCG'S OFFICE, EVEN IN FUTURE YEARS? AS FOR TYERS…WELL, I'VE SAID IT ONCE, I'LL SAY IT AGAIN – SHE HAS NO BUSINESS ON A BROOM - WATCH OUT FOR THOSE BLUDGERS!"
During the chase after the Snitch, James had scored again, bringing Gryffindor's point total up to two hundred and fifty, furthering their lead. This, however, hadn't managed to distract the Ravenclaw Beaters from focusing the bludgers at the Gryffindor Seeker, and Nick and Sam were on the other side of the pitch, unable to do anything but watch as the rock hard balls careened off towards the two Seekers.
Mariah ducked and dived away, but Amanda didn't, ignoring the Bludgers in favour of the small golden ball. Her fist closed around it…and both Bludgers slammed into her almost at once, sending her flying through the air.
"AMANDA LORNE HAS THE SNITCH, DESPITE THE FOUL PLAY FROM RAVENCLAW'S BEATERS – GRYFFINDOR WINS!" Sirius commented absently, while watching Amanda's fall, eyes filled with worry for his fellow Gryffindor.
Buffy, who was closest, dived, and caught the Seeker easily with one arm, her Slayer strength a God-send, or her shoulder would probably have been dislocated as well, though she pretended to struggle with Amanda's weight, before landing.
"Amanda, are you alright?" Buffy asked worriedly, as the rest of the team landed.
"Can't – breathe!" Amanda admitted, gasping, face pale and lips tinged blue. "My ribs…"
"Out of the way!" Madam Pomfrey demanded, sending the team scattering. "Of all the foolish things…I told you not to play!"
Amanda grinned toothily. "My shoulder barely gave me any trouble," she said.
"Don't talk," Poppy scolded her. "Or your ribs might puncture a lung."
"We won, didn't we?" Amanda gasped, ignoring the matron. "Didn't we?" she asked James.
"Yes. That doesn't matter, though," James said. "No game is worth killing yourself over. Hell, Amanda, I didn't tell you to get the Snitch or die trying!"
"No, but you told me to get the Snitch or you'd kill me yourself," Amanda countered.
James flushed at the glares sent her way from the school matron. "Well, that was before you got hurt the first time around!" he protested weakly. "And I didn't say that…exactly. I just told you to keep Mariah away from it!"
"And I did," Amanda said faintly. "And I caught the Snitch too! I'm brilliant, aren't I?"
"You're delirious," James said, rolling his eyes. "Just…be quiet. Try to rest."
"For once," Madam Pomfrey said dryly as she flicked her wand at Amanda and made the Seeker float up, "I find myself in complete agreement with Mr Potter."
5 June
The buzz from the victory of the Quidditch Cup died down sooner than previous years, as three players total from the team (Michaela, Nick, and James) – four, counting Buffy – soon were forced to turn their attention to their N.E.W.T.s. One party, along with some gloating in the corridors, were all Gryffindor had time for, as finals approached at high speed.
"I'm panicking," Buffy said, fanning herself with a Transfiguration textbook. "Do you see this face? It's my panicky face. What if I fail? Oh, God, I'm gonna fail!" She wailed, smacking herself in the head with the book.
Remus reached over and took the book from her; barely avoiding Buffy's flailing hands. "You're not going to fail," he said, rolling his eyes. "We've been over this how many times, now?"
"How long until the first exam?" Buffy asked, ignoring her boyfriend. "Lily?"
"One hour, sixteen minutes and thirty-two seconds," the redhead answered. Her hair stuck up in all directions as she poured over her pile of notes, dark circles under her eyes. "Oh, Merlin," she groaned. "I think I've forgotten the meaning of all the runes I've learnt! My brain is empty! Is it ehwaz or eihwaz? Partnership, I mean?"
"Ehwaz," Michaela said, after a scouring of her own notes, and taking a long sip from a giant cup of coffee. "…I think? Or was it euwaz?"
"Ehwaz," James, who was balancing his books on top of his head instead of reading them, said absently. "Eihwaz is defence. I've got no idea what euwaz is supposed to be." He smirked as both Michaela and Lily turned to give him slightly aggravated, yet reluctantly appreciative, looks.
"I am so glad I'm not a seventh-year," Amanda Lorne said, lounging on a chair nonchalantly, her right arm in a sling: the damage she'd acquired during the Quidditch finals meant she would be unable to play for several months - a price Amanda was more than happy to pay, considering Madam Pomfrey were forced to admit Amanda should be alright by the time the Quidditch season started up again next term. "Have you slept at all this week, Lily?"
"Nope," James answered for her. "Really, Lils, I see no reason why you're so worried; Buffy, I understand – "
"Oh, thanks!" Buffy exclaimed dryly, throwing a crumbled piece of paper at the Head Boy who lost his concentration, causing his bookstack to fall to the floor.
" – But you?" James shook his head as he bent down to pick them up. "I may not be a Seer, but even I can predict your N.E.W.T. results: O, O, O, O, O, O...and…yet another O!"
"I'm glad you can be so flippant about it," Lily said, "but unlike you, I actually have to study in order to learn, and I am far from convinced I've studied enough!" Everyone around the table snorted in disbelief. "What?" Lily glowered. "It's true! I haven't been close to the student I usually am this year. You've all distracted me!"
"Like you mind when I distract you," James muttered smugly.
Lily huffed and stood up, gathering all her notes together. "I can't focus in here. Let's go outside, Buffy. Micha, you too. I could use the fresh air."
"Good idea," Sirius said, standing up and stretching at the same time as Buffy and Michaela did. "Come on."
"Is your name Buffy or Michaela?" Lily asked sweetly. "You lot are staying here and that's final! We'll see you at the Transfigurations exam." She checked her watch. "One hour, seven minutes and eleven seconds." She let out a puff of air. "Oh, Merlin, I'm doomed."
"One exam down, but a hundred still remain," Buffy said mournfully, shaking her head as she stepped out of the Great Hall. "And if I passed the Transfiguration exam, it's a miracle."
"Don't look so glum," Remus said, hugging her. "I'm sure you did alright. And a hundred? Really?"
Buffy glared. "You know what I mean. And I screwed up – my brain turned to mush in there! It's not possible to learn seven years worth of subjects in one year!"
"So you might not get that many Outstandings," Remus comforted. "But I'm sure you'll pass."
"But I need Outstandings for Healer training," Buffy reminded him. "And it's looking more and more unlikely that will ever happen."
"Your options are still better than mine, no matter how many Outstandings I score," Remus said lightly, but unable to hide the bitterness in his voice completely. "Ow!" He rubbed his shoulder where Buffy had smacked him.
"What have I told you about the 'woe is me?'" Buffy said all too sweetly, an eyebrow raised in question.
Remus sighed. "Not to do it," he repeated obediently, voice monotone. Since Buffy had seen his transformation, they'd had a long talk, and they'd grown even closer: Remus actually felt Buffy understood, which was why he let her get away with the 'scolding.' Now that she knew what he was afraid of and that she still wasn't going anywhere, made it difficult for him to keep up the arguments that he wouldn't have a future – because that wasn't true anymore. For the first time, he dared to hope – really hope, and not just dream - for a future in which he wasn't alone – a future with Buffy.
"Good boy."
11 June
Sunday found Peter and Samantha in the library, both using the weekend to study for the remaining subjects they had N.E.W.T. exams in.
"Halfway done," Samantha said quietly. "One week behind us, one still ahead of us."
"Yeah," Peter said, rubbing his eyes and yawning. "Can't wait."
Samantha chewed on her lip. "Have you given any more thought to what you're going to do after graduation?" she asked, glancing at her boyfriend worriedly: the last time they'd had this conversation, he'd blown up at her after all, and she wasn't exactly longing for a repeat.
Peter's shoulders tensed. "No," he said shortly, wishing she would change the subject.
"Oh," Samantha mumbled.
Peter sighed. "Did you get the building you wanted? For your store?" he asked, deciding to try and 'play nice.' It wasn't Samantha's fault he was an idiot after all, and he'd been wrong to take it out on her.
Samantha immediately brightened when she realised Peter wasn't angry, and was actually showing interest in her shop. "Yes, I did," she said. "I'm really happy about it. I've decided on a name for the store too, and I've almost filled out all the paperwork I need to get started."
"Sounds great," Peter said. "So what did you decide to call it?"
"Mystical records," Samantha said. "I like the sound of it and it should hint to witches and wizards who pass it that it's not your 'average' Muggle store." She fell silent, wringing her hands slightly. "I-I've actually been meaning to ask you…if you have no other plans, that is….i-if you want in on it?"
Peter blinked, not expecting that. "What?"
"Do you want to help run the store?" Samantha clarified nervously, not wanting Peter to feel she was doing this as charity or something. "Become my partner?"
Peter was stumped. "A-alright," he said, still slightly in shock. "I…yeah. Sure!"
Samantha looked relieved. "Oh, that's so great! I was so afraid you had other plans or something. A-and, I was thinking, if you don't mind, that we could live above the store together? Share the space and rent and stuff?"
Peter was still in a daze. In a few seconds, he suddenly had a job, and a place to live…and he owed it all to Samantha. He immediately felt guilty for how he had treated her before – but at the same time, he couldn't quite stop feeling resentful. Why was she doing this? Pity? Charity? Didn't she think he could make it on his own.
"I'd love to share an apartment with you," he said after a moment's pause, forcing up a smile and swallowing the bitterness. "So, partner," he joked, "where do I sign up?"
But as Samantha chattered on, and pulled out the lease to the building and other documents, it rose to the surface again, though Peter did his best to ignore it: he could have managed on his own, he told himself, if he really tried. This was just temporary. He didn't need Samantha to fix things for him. It wasn't pity. Just a fine opportunity, which he took, as any good business man would have done – what reason did he have for turning it down?
Yet, that feeling that no one ever thought him good enough – not even his own girlfriend – remained.
15 June
The last N.E.W.T. exam was the theoretical Defence Against the Dark Arts, which the Marauders, Samantha, Buffy and Lily all took at the same time. Finally, the bell rung, signalling the end of the prescribed time, and Buffy lowered her quill with a sigh.
She thought she had done quite well – better than at the Transfiguration exam, at least. In fact, the Defence Practical and Theoretical exams were the only things she was absolutely sure she wouldn't have failed. That, along with Charms, and Muggle Studies: She hadn't taken the class, but had done the exam anyway, on Remus' prompting – as a born and bred Muggle (albeit in another future) the test hadn't given her any trouble.
"How did you do?" Remus asked, hooking his arm in her right, Lily grabbing hold of her left as they exited the Great Hall.
"Well, I answered all the questions except three," Buffy mused. "I'm pretty sure I did alright. What about you?"
Lily snorted. "Do you even have to ask? If he didn't ace the test, I'll eat my pointy hat."
Remus flushed with embarrassment.
Sirius chortled, nudging James with his arm. "That would be a sight, wouldn't it?"
"…Lily?"
The Marauders froze in their steps, turning around to look at the greasy-haired Slytherin that had caught up with them. "Can I have a word?" Snape shuffled his feet nervously, not meeting their eyes.
Sirius' eyes narrowed. "No, you can't. Let's go."
Lily bit her lip, glancing nervously at James who was looking between Lily and Severus with a neutral expression, though his fists were clenched. "I-I'll catch up with you in a minute," she said. "You go on ahead."
James opened his mouth, as though he wanted to say something, but closed it just as quickly. He made a terse nod. "Alright. I'll see you later. Severus." He spun around, continuing down the corridor, followed by a gawking Sirius, a wide-eyed Peter, and a silent Remus, Buffy and Samantha.
"What do you want?" Lily asked Snape, the moment they were out of sight.
"I just…" Snape pulled a hand through his greasy hair. "I don't…" He looked frustrated, as though he didn't quite know what to say.
"Is this about me and James?" Lily asked with a raise of a delicate eyebrow. "How you don't want me dating him? That I deserve better?"
"You do," Snape said quietly.
"Well, bully for you," Lily almost snapped. "You don't have any right to say that to me. You don't have any right to question any of my decisions. You lost that when you chose your Slytherin friends over me."
"I didn't choose them over you!" Snape protested, black eyes flashing. "I tried to apologise but you wouldn't let me!"
"Because I didn't know you anymore!" Lily exploded. "I gave you so many chances, Sev," she said. "Again, and again, you hurt me because it was what your so-called 'friends' expected of you. And I let you! But enough is enough, and sooner or later, an apology won't cut it."
Snape sighed, looking away. "I didn't come here to fight."
All anger escaped Lily, and her shoulders slumped. "Then why did you come?" she asked tiredly, bright green eyes staring into beetle-black depths.
"I didn't want to leave things as they were," Snape said. "I don't want to graduate with you angry at me."
"Oh, Sev," Lily smiled without humour. "I'm not angry at you. I lost whatever anger I had long ago. Now, I just want to move on."
"With Potter?" Snape wasn't quite able to hold back the bitterness in his voice.
"James loves me," Lily said firmly.
"I love you too."
Lily shook her head, walking forward and holding Snape's cheek in the palm of her hand. "You love the idea of me," she corrected quietly.
Snape didn't correct her, but he didn't deny it either. Instead, he clasped Lily's hand in his, keeping it still against his face, closing his eyes. "There's no way we can become what we were?" he asked hoarsely, needing to be sure.
"No," Lily said, smiling sadly, green eyes slowly filling with tears. "I will always care for you. But we can't go back. I don't think I want to go back."
Snape nodded, backing away and releasing the redhead's hand. "Then I wish you all the luck in the world, Lily." He said, voice pained. "Take care of yourself."
"You too, Sev," Lily said, turning around and walking away, heart heavy, but at the same time, lighter.
Snape stared after her for a long while, before he, too, turned away, heading off in the opposite direction, his steps grimly determined.
There was no going back, after all.
Only forwards.
And whatever that may entail.
Published: 26/01 -10
Edited: 01/09 -13
