I'm back after a year and a half hiatus.
Alex stared at the paper in front of him. There was the start of a portrait he was drawing. The sketch was rough, but it was obvious who it was going to be. The curly hair and wide eyes were an easy indicator. Schroeder was really nice to draw, but maybe there was some personal bias. Though Alex didn't like where this drawing was going. Something about it just seemed off. Alex sighed, honestly, something was off about Schroeder. He was broken. His soul was missing something. Someone took him and destroyed him. He was a shell of the person he could be or for all Alex knew who he once was. This one of the many times where Alex wished he knew just what made Schroeder how he is.
Alex continued to refine his drawing, he started adding the subtle details to the eyes. They were the hardest to draw because Alex wanted to put some life into them. He sighed. How the fuck did he get himself into this mess? He paused, he knew the answer to that question. It wasn't a hard one. Damn, he was such a sucker. His mind wandered as he continued to put details into the face of his life's greatest enigma. He remised the memory of the time the blonde boy literally ran into him.
Alex was leaving his art class. There wasn't really anyone in the halls because he had left a little late, which was something he did on purpose. He enjoyed the silence of art hallways. It was the easiest place to be away from people. God, he hated being popular. It made being Alex Montgomery that much harder. He had weird social pressures that came with being a star athlete and handsome to boot. Those pressures sucked, especially for a gay, person of color. He knew very few people liked him for him. They liked him for who they made him out to be. It was times like these that he simply walked a little slower just enjoying the rare silence.
Alex paused, as the silence was broken by soft, melodic sounds. He looked towards the main hallways trying to find the source of such a pleasing sound. Then out of nowhere, something slammed into his side, and the music stopped abruptly with a squeak. Alex sputtered as he turned around to look at what had run into him. A blonde guy was stumbling backward. Alex gawked for a second before he reacted reaching out and caught the other. He pulled him to his feet. At this point he recognized the kid, he was the synth player for the pep band. Then piano boy froze and didn't move. Alex raised an eyebrow as the kid continued to gape. He gave him a once over. Oh, wow. He's gorgeous. He was quite tall, but in the skinny, beanpole kind of way. Then the blondie continued to not to move as his face turned a little pink. Alex had grown concerned. Was he broken?
"You okay?" Alex finally asked. Then as if someone had pressed play. The other blinked and then pulled his hand out of Alex's grasp, and his face turned even redder. The kid looked really nervous as Alex continued to wait for an answer. When one didn't come, Alex looked the other in the eyes and noticed that they were beautiful but appeared almost frozen. Though the rest of his face was completely aflame. His mouth was agape, and his eyes were darting back and forth. Alex decided he needed to bring him back to down to earth and snapped his fingers. Then the blondie jumped, and his face darkened further. This kid was absolutely adorable, holy hell.
"Uh, um," He managed to stutter, and then he swallowed and then continued, "I-I'm fine, t-thanks." There we go you do have a voice, for the most part. Alex smiled and reached his hand out. The blondie stared at it in shock for a moment. Alex had to suppress a chuckle.
"I'm Alex, nice to meet you..." Alex said raising his pitch and eyebrow implying that he was asking a question. The other looked into Alex's face and timidly returned the handshake.
"I-I'm S-Schroeder, nice to-o meet you, too." Schroeder dropped Alex's hand refusing to meet his eyes. Alex noticed that even Schroeder's ears had turned red. Then he swallowed nervously again. Was he twitching?
"Schroeder," Alex purred, that was such a beautiful name. Also, he couldn't help himself. He wanted to see how Schroeder would react because the nervous mess had caught Alex's attention. "I like that name, Schroeder. It has a nice ring to it." Schroeder gave the slightest smile, Alex could tell the gesture was difficult. This kid was not used to blushing. Oh, but he was adorable. Alex was hooked, he had to figure this adorable enigma out. Alex was going to say something, then out of nowhere Schroeder perked up and start to bounce on his heels. What?
"You're the football player, Alex!" Schroeder exclaimed excitedly. Alex couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. That was cute, but he had to suppress an eye roll. Damn, not this shit again. Then a smile broke out on Schroeder's face. Then as quickly as they were built Alex's defenses were destroyed.
"Yup, that's me," Alex said through giggles. He was stunned, he usually would leave at this point. Avoid another awkward encounter with a person who would only like him for his high school fame. But, Schroeder's eyes were so pure. A spark of something had appeared in those icy depths, and Alex didn't want to leave. Then the bell rang, and Schroeder's face dropped in panic. Oh, hell.
"Oh, no! I-I have to go." and with that Schroeder had turned on his heels and was heading towards the math hallway. Alex stared at him, confusion filling him. Then Alex watched in horror as Schroeder tripped over his own feet. Alex reacted quickly, but he wasn't fast enough to keep Schroeder from falling onto his face. It was official this kid was a Grade A mess. Alex picked him up with one pull. Shit, Schroeder was a lot heavier than he looked. He did a quick once over to make sure nothing looked broken. He checked out okay.
"You and gravity must have it out a lot," Alex let out a nervous laugh, "You need to be careful, please. Plus, it's the first day of school just say you got lost, it's a believable story." No reason for you to take a nose dive trying to run away from me. Schroeder's blush returned, and he started to fidget with his beanie.
"Oh, good grief. That was... something. I'm sorry. I'm such a mess. Thank you for catching me... twice." Schroeder said genuinely, a soft smile gracing his lips.
"Hey, it's no problem. It's not every day we get have these chance encounters," Alex said wistfully. Schroeder's smile widened ever so slightly as a little more color crept up his neck.
"Thanks again. See you soon!" With that Schroeder was running down the hallway clutching his satchel to his chest. Alex could see that his ears were still red.
Alex released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. His own face honestly was a little flushed, though you couldn't tell unless you were really staring. He ran a hand across his cheek. Why was he embarrassed? He shook his head and decided he didn't need to be any more late to class. Though as he walked his heart was pounding in his chest. Alex had to take deep breath to calm down. It had been a while since he was last smitten. Oh boy, and he was smitten.
Only couple of people noticed his late entrance. All he really got was an expectant eye roll from the teacher. He sighed as he grabbed a seat. The only open seat was in a group of girls that Alex knew all too well. Fuck. It was easy to drown out whatever things they were whispering to him. His thoughts went back to the encounter in the hallway for the rest of that day.
Alex blinked a couple of times as the bell rang signaling the end of art class. His reminiscing retreated to the back of his mind. He still couldn't believe that had been a month ago. He shook his head for good measure as he got up and left. Alex held on to his drawing, maybe he'd finish this in time to turn it in for his portrait project. Alex took his usual route, a little detour to see Schroeder and maybe Cole. His little brother had been a little more mischievous than usual. Alex was still trying to figure out why. Honestly, it was always a guessing game with that one.
This time he saw Cole first, his fiery hair standing out. Cole perked up when he seen him and quickly started walking towards him. He began to sign, and it actually caught Alex off guard. He had to catch up, but it looked like Cole kept saying go.
What? Alex signed.
Hold on, wait. Cole signed back while rolling his eyes. So, Alex stopped in his tracks. Cole started talking as soon as he got into earshot.
"Oh my god, man. All hell's going to break loose. Man, I have a shit taste in friends. Just like your taste in men, my brother." Cole grabbed Alex's shoulders.
"What?" Was all Alex could say while he was dealing with being insulted.
"So, I've heard some shit," Cole started, Alex rolled his eyes, this wasn't anything new, "Don't give me that face it has to do with you. So, my friend Linus just started a rumor about Schroeder being attention seeking manwhore. I'm not sure on the truthfulness but knowing Linus it's all bullshit. But, I do have suspicions based on your track record in decent boyfriends. BUT! That's not even the best part! He told Frieda! The gossip hound of the school! It's going to go to shit, because not only did he say Schroeder was a manwhore, Linus made you guys out to be training buddies, nothing more, even though the girls were getting suspicious! Fuck!" Cole took a deep breath and let go of Alex's shoulders.
"What?" Alex said once again.
"You're stupid. Like I said all hell's going to break loose so please be prepared. I'm going to fix some stuff for you," He did finger guns, "So do me a favor and be chill about anything crazy that happens today," Cole paused and glanced around, "I got to go, see you later! Don't do anything rash." Cole retreated into the crowd leaving Alex reeling. Who were Linus and Frieda? Schroeder was suddenly a whore? He has a horrible taste in men? Okay, he knew that one was true, but still.
Alex shook his head and decided to continued on his way, then when he turned the corner, he couldn't believe his eyes. Schroeder was standing intimately next to a redhead, and they looked perfect together. Fuck. Alex felt his heart slam in his chest. This can't be happening again. Alex took a breath and quickly turned the corner. Then his skin crawled with the sensation of being watched, and he just pushed through and didn't turn around. He pulled out his phone and texted Blake that they needed to talk ASAP because if he knew one gossip monger, it was Blake.
Alex had just sat down in his chair, his mind still reeling, as Blake returned his text. He merely said he was on his way. Alex sighed that wasn't a good sign. Blake was usually a straightforward kind of guy. Alex shrugged it off he'd know what was up soon enough. Alex pulled out his drawing and started to work on detailing the hair. Then a minute or so later Blake plopped down in his seat.
"Hey, man. Heard you've got a gossip emergency?" Blake said in his distinct southern accent.
"Hopefully it's not an emergency. Just want to know what you've heard," Alex answered.
"About your boy toy?" Alex narrowed his eyes at his best friend. He hated that term.
"About Schroeder, yes. Don't call him that."
"Eh, whatever. He's too twinkish to not be a boy toy," Blake said in a condescending tone. For some reason that Alex hadn't discovered yet, Blake did not like Schroeder.
"Let's not get into this. So, have you heard anything about him?" Alex questioned cutting to the chase. Blake leaned his head onto his hand.
"I have. So apparently he had a breakdown next to the gym yesterday. Some sort of anxiety attack," Blake mused as he examined the nails on the hand he wasn't propped on.
"I already know about that. He came to the field after it happened. I left practice early, remember?"
"Oh yeah. That was a thing that happened." Blake scratched his head and made it visible that he was wracking his brain. Alex drug a hand down his face, so apparently Blake hadn't heard anything about what Cole was talking about.
"Okay. Well, I'm glad things aren't going to shit with that stuff happening yesterday," Alex sighed making a mental note to have an actual conversation with Cole about whatever the fuck he was trying to say earlier.
"So, Alex, about your bf, I have heard some other things. Apparently, he has some serious anger issues and stuff. Like I heard from Sherman that it's almost like he has no soul on the ice. He's broken like a couple noses and other various things. Plus, Sherman says that most of Schroeder's stories just don't add up when it comes to his home life," Blake said as he rubbed his neck and sat up. Now that caught Alex's attention. That's something he'd been noticing personally. What the hell was going on under the blue roof of Schroeder's house.
"Huh. That's something." Alex muttered. Then the teacher started class, and any other conversation was postponed. Blake seemed relieved as he pulled out his notebook. Alex rolled his eyes and focused his attention on the teacher. Once again being left with more questions than answers.
Once class ended, Blake didn't seem too much for talking and told Alex not to worry as he wandered towards his next class. Alex wondered why Blake was so weird when it came to Schroeder. Who knows? Alex dismissed it, he'd figure it out eventually.
Alex decided to text Cole. Unfortunately, Cole did not respond. Of course. That didn't change the fact that whatever nonsense he was spouting earlier had spread. Alex listened to a group of sophomore girls chattering and took what he could. Though very little of it actually made sense. Mainly because he didn't recognize the names. So what Alex had gathered was that there was a girl named Lucy who loved Schroeder, but Schroeder didn't like her back, obviously. So this Lucy chick got a new boyfriend, and now another girl named Frieda has decided to make her move.
The conclusion Alex arrived at; Schroeder apparently really likes to lead people on. Which worried the hell out of him. Alex just needs to get the details sorted out because this is stressing him the hell out. Luckily, he only had art class left until he would get a chance to see Schroeder. Geez, just thinking about the possibilities stressed him out even more.
Once Alex got to his art class, he was thankful today was a free drawing day. They had their first project coming up due soon, portraits. Alex was set on turning in a drawing of Schroeder, but while looking at his half-finished rough sketch, he wasn't so sure. He was a very complicated person for Alex to be able to capture his essence. Alex sighed he was stressing about this too much. He really needed to calm himself down, so he put the drawing of Schroeder away. He pulled out another piece of paper and decided he was going to draw his little sister, Mia. She could make him feel better no matter what. By the time class ended he had a solid outline of Mia. He felt quite a bit better about things. Maybe he was calm enough to ask Schroeder about what the hell was going on. Wow, Schroeder was going to be the last person Alex was going to ask about Schroeder. That revelation made him feel like shit. The bell rang shattering Alex's thoughts. He scrambled to get his stuff together.
"Alex? Do you have a second?" Mr. NK said from his office. Today of all days, the day he really didn't have a second.
"Yeah. What's up, Mr. NK?" Alex said as he threw his bookbag over his shoulder.
"You okay? You seem a little preoccupied today," Mr. NK said while he searched the screen of his laptop.
"I'm okay, just having some trouble with inspiration for this project," Alex said as honestly as he could. He really trusted his art teacher and couldn't bring himself to complete deceit.
His freshman year, a senior taking Art I for an easy A called Alex a homophobic slur and Mr. NK went off the rails. Apparently, the mild-mannered art teacher was happily married to another man. Alex has become quite close to him over the four years he's been in art class.
"Oh? Is that why you switched subjects?"
"Kinda, but I'm not sure who I'm going to make my final digital of though. But I'll get it. I still have a week, so I'm not too worried."
"If you say so. Whenever you get your final sketch to let me see it, okay?"
"I will, now if you don't mind I'm going to head out," Alex waved and walked out into the hallway, it was pretty much empty by this point. Had he missed Schroeder? Oh no, wait. There he was.
"Schroeder, wait up!" Alex called out. He put on a big smile, but honestly, he wasn't ready for this.
"Hey, Alex. How are you doing?" Schroeder replied as he grinned. Schroeder looked exhausted, Alex noted that he had bags under his eyes and he was paler than usual. Alex covered up his awkward urge to kiss him better with ruffling his curly hair.
"I'm good, but I do have something I want to talk to you about," Alex said before he chickened out because this was important, and he really needed to talk about the rumors. Schroeder's face fell, and so did Alex's smile.
"Oh?" Schroeder said, voice small. Alex did not like this.
"Have you heard what's being said about you today?" Alex inquired.
"No?" Schroeder sounded annoyed, "Did it have something to do with my panic attack yesterday? Or does it have to do with us?" Alex blanched. What the hell, Schroeder?
"Actually. It has to with you being some kind of man-whore." Alex muttered. Then like a crack of thunder Schroeder started laughing. Alex felt the heat rise to his face, that was not the reaction he was expecting.
"You're kidding! That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" Schroeder's words felt mocking. Alex was trying to be delicate about this and Schroeder was just being so brash.
"No?" Alex sputtered, "I've heard it rumbling around that you've always like keeping girls at a distance to play with their hearts and stuff like that." Alex fidgeted because he felt scrutinized.
"That's ridiculous. I've never outwardly shown any interest in anyone, like ever. Except you," Schroeder said as he started to fidget with his beanie, "Huh."
"Well, the rumor makes you sound like some sort of an asshole," Alex said, trying to politely get Schroeder to stop.
"That's unfortunate, but I really am an asshole. So that's nothing new, but the rest is just a rumor." Schroeder just didn't seem in the mood to have this conversation, and frankly, Alex was a little peeved.
"Ya know, a lot of your girl problems would go away if you came out," Alex was trying to get Schroeder to talk to him about something, anything. Schroeder blanched.
"You know I can't do that," Schroeder flailed his arms.
"It was just a suggestion," Alex did not want to deal with this. He couldn't emotionally deal with this again. He was out, yeah it was a tough path, but Schroeder's logic had so many holes in it. If Schroeder could honestly tell him why he couldn't come out to his mom, Alex would let it be for a while. "Why does it matter so much? It's just your mom, the way you talk about her, she seems to love you enough that it won't matter, at least in the long run." Schroeder's eyes showed panic like he was terrified of telling his mother. That face was enough that Alex told himself he wouldn't ask again. That face was telling enough. When Schroeder talked about not wanting to come out before he made it sound like it was just an inconvenience. Not something he was terrified of. Alex at that moment knew Schroeder was lying to him about something, something awful.
"I can't! My mom is all I have. I don't want her to hate or berate me. I don't want to live in an even more empty house with the only family I have not believing in my validity," Schroeder sounded hateful. Alex felt his face drop, he was baffled about a lot of things. He'd only briefly met Schroeder's mom Amelia, and she seemed like a really nice lady. Wait his mother couldn't be the only family he had.
"Your mom can't be all you have? There's no one else?" Alex chose to ask.
"Yeah?"
"How?" Was everyone in his family dead?
"Well, I'm an only child and so is my mom. Not to mention, I haven't spoken to my Dad, or his family is almost three years. A nasty divorce and all that," Schroeder said in a rush. Well at least everyone wasn't dead. So, Schroeder came from a broken home. Well, it was apparent his dad was out of the picture. Wait that does mean all of his mom's family was dead.
"Wow, that's crazy," Alex muttered, and Schroeder looked offended and rightfully so. What the hell was that Alex? "I'm so sorry. I just have a rather large family. So, it's kind of hard to imagine a life like that, even though I know it's a thing. I'm so sorry that how it is." Alex scratched the back of his neck, "I have four siblings and both, my parents," He tried to sound compassionate, "So you really don't have anyone else?"
"Well, congratulations? Must be phenomenal not having your entire family on the line for major life decisions," Schroeder was annoyed and flustered. He had avoided the question. Alex had just about enough of this attitude, it not that this stuff was obvious. He threw his hands up, both in surrender and frustration.
"Hey, regardless of numbers, it's still hard to come out. I'm not blaming you for that, I won't. But, if you're going to make this a petty competition I had more to lose." Alex bit his tongue, shit that's not what he meant, "Wait, I didn't mean that. More versus everything. I don't think they really can compare. Sorry." Shit. Shit. Shit. Schroeder narrowed his eyes, burning with unchecked aggression.
"Well, excuse me for my family falling apart under my feet!" Schroeder said low and laced with venom. Then he flipped Alex off and turned around to leave.
"What the fuck?" Alex muttered aloud.
"Hey! Wait! Schroeder, please!" Alex yelled after him. This conversation did not go according to plan. Schroeder didn't acknowledge him. Alex did not want to end on that note. Schroeder turned the corner and entered a common area. He hadn't made it too far, he had seemed to freeze, and Alex took the opportunity to lightly grasp his shoulder. Schroeder ripped his shoulder out of Alex's hand. He turned around and gave Alex this terrified expression. Alex didn't know what to do, he never wanted something like to happen. He was frozen as his heart started to ache. He knew what that look in Schroeder's eye meant, it was a sweeter version of something he'd seen before. Alex ground his teeth. Fine, he was doing this again. He swallowed and forced out his most brilliant fake smile.
"Hey, Schroed. Just wanted to check if you were still going to do weight training with me and the guys sometime this week?" Alex said, as bro-ish as he could, he'd had practice. He glanced to the students to his left and back to Schroeder.
"Yeah, I'm up for that. I almost forgot about that. Thanks, bro. Get back to later I got to get to class," Schroeder said in a voice Alex hadn't heard before. One that had a cold edge to it, the voice of an intimidator.
"Talk to you later then." Alex stopped acting at that moment. He was tired, and then he shouldered his backpack and walked to class. Fuck this. He was genuinely pissed. He was asking himself the same questions all over again.
He arrived in class and basically threw himself into his seat. He didn't have any friends in this class. This was his AP Art History class, no football player but him would take this class. Though, none of the other football players wanted to be animators.
Alex sighed, somedays he really hated that he loved football so much. It's gotten him into so much trouble over the years. It had gotten into several fights, had a couple of injuries, and even got him his first "boyfriend." God, that was an unbidden thought. He'd been thinking a lot more about Brandon recently, that fucker. He was prime example why Cole makes fun of him for having a shit taste in men. Because Brandon was a prime example of a shitty boyfriend. Yeah, Alex had his fair share of "now, this stays between us." Well, at least his relationship with Schroeder had left locker rooms.
Alex seethed for the rest of class, he took his notes and enjoyed the class, but he was still pissed. When the bell rang, Alex gathered his stuff and groaned. He didn't really want to sit with Schroeder during lunch, but he didn't really want to sit anywhere else either. Just one more year of high school and then he can go to Ohio State University and be done with this.
Alex was busy looking at the floor until he walked past the threshold into the hallway. He sighed and decided he was going to go sit with Cole. Alex was pretty sure he had lunch during this period. Alex turned the corner towards the cafeteria, and he was horrified by what he saw. Schroeder was leaning in very close to an objectively attractive woman. Alex felt his heart jump again and just stood there for a second to see if anything was going to change. Nothing did. They just stared at each other. Alex cleared his throat. Schroeder stiffened, and all the color drained from his face. The girl looked terrified. Alex was just tired at this point, but this still managed to hurt. Schroeder had now officially lied to him and then some. The like a switch was flipped Schroeder stood up and brightened up.
"Alex! Hey, man! I was just about to go looking for you!" What the fuck? "It was a pleasure." What the fuck?
The red-headed girl fled down the hallway leaving Schroeder and Alex alone.
"Alex?" Schroeder whispered, his voice actually portrayed several emotions, and it was just too much for Alex.
"Do you even like me or are you just leading me on?" Alex whispered through gritted teeth. Schroeder's eyes widened, and he looked shocked.
"What?" Schroeder took a step backward as if the words had physically pushed him.
"Let me elaborate. Are you even gay or am I just some sort of experiment? Maybe all those rumors about you are true, huh?" Alex growled, his tone dark. Schroeder's eyes glassed over like he was just about to burst into tears. Then just like that Schroeder walked away. Alex let him leave.
Alex huffed as he went the opposite direction to the cafeteria. He texted Cole to let him know he was sitting with him. Cole responded that he was cool with it.
Alex was so done with today. He ran his hand through his hair, and a few tears escaped from his eyes. He leaned up against a locker and let himself calm down, he cried for a moment. Then he forced himself to dry it up and headed to lunch.
Cole was sitting with a small handful of freshman. Alex sat in the open seat next to Cole.
What's wrong, Cole signed
Boyfriend apart, Alex signed back. Cole's eyes widened.
"Wow, that's so cool! You guys can sign!" One of the girls gushed. Cole smirked like the flirt he was.
"As a matter of fact, we do!"
"That crazy! Why did you guys learn?" The other girl asked.
"Our baby sister is deaf and nonverbal as a result. It's the best way to communicate with her," Alex answered this time. Alex could have sworn the two girls had sparkles in their eyes.
"Oh my god! That is just so freaking sweet!" Cole was loving this, but Alex just smiled awkwardly. After the excitement died down Alex pulled out his phone and waved it at Cole. He got the idea pretty quickly. Alex typed out a message explaining what the hell was going on in his life. Cole read the message and frowned and typed a message back.
That's really shitty, but I told you not to do anything rash. But whatever. I'm sorry and stuff.
Wow, poetry Cole.
Alex was just about to start typing a reply when he heard a crashing noise. A hushed silence quickly overtook the cafeteria. Alex, curious as to what was happening, followed the eyes of the other students. There standing up with his chair knocked over was Schroeder. He looked outraged. His fists were clenched at his sides, and he looked like he wanted to hit someone. Then Alex noticed the redhead from earlier was who the anger was directed at. Then after a couple tense seconds, Schroeder stormed out of the cafeteria. Alex rolled his eyes. There was too much going on with that blondie. Then the next second Patty and Charlie Brown chased after him.
What that about? Cole signed.
How the hell should I know? Alex signed back.
What did you two argue about?
I think he is leading me on.
What?
Yes, I don't think he's gay. Alex signed slowly. The bell rang right after Alex finished.
"Wow, well. I'll take care of that for you!" Cole said aloud as he shoved a cookie in his mouth as he fled.
This can't be good. Then again things involving Cole never were.
