Chapter 28: The Bottom
March 20, 2010

EPOV

"So are you looking for sole custody?" Seth asked.

"Only if necessary." I said.

"Edward, I understand that this is all hypothetical, there is no need to keep saying it." He told me, but I couldn't help myself, I was just so nervous. Bella has been out of the hospital for two days now, and today was the day.

I woke up this morning knowing what was going to happen and it was messing with me physically and mentally.

Charlie has been the only one who has been supportive of me. He came by the day after Bella got admitted in the hospital and asked me if there was anything I needed. I told him no at first, and then he just stayed with me for a couple of hours. I introduced the kids to him, and they loved him; especially Peyton. They seemed to have their own little bond forming and it was great. The whole time he was there he was making conversation to distract me and he never asked about Bella, and I appreciated that more than I think he will know.

Today he came by with his son Seth and his wife Sue. Sue was a really nice woman, and Seth was cool too. He was being very professional right now though as we were discussing my rights as a father, and what I can do if Bella does something irrational. Me taking sole custody of the kids is only going to be used if Bella refuses to stay away from us. This may seem cruel, but it is just something I need to do to make sure she will get the help she needs.

"The best way is to make this the court's decision. There is no way they will give Bella any rights as a parent because she is seen as an unfit mother to the courts." He looked over a paper that he had in front of him, and then looked back up at me. "I have no doubt in my mind that they will grant you with sole physical and legal custody."

"What exactly does that mean?" I asked.

"You will have full control basically. Your kids will live with you, you will make all decisions for them, and you get to choose when, or if Bella can see them."

I nodded my head. I really hope it won't come to this, but I needed to make sure I had some backup because I knew today was going to be hard enough. "Okay, and you will be able to set all that up for me if I need it?" I asked.

"It's practically already set, so all you will need to do is sign a paper, and it will be done."

I nodded my head. "Okay."

He started gathering his papers back together. "Great. Well I really should be going."

"Oh, of course." I got up and put my hand out to him. "Thank you."

He smiled and he looked so much like Charlie when he did. It was a familiar smile. He shook my hand. "A friend of my father is always a friend of mine." He said.

"Well maybe we could meet in a non-professional setting at some point."

He smiled. "I would like that." He turned around, and went into the kitchen where Sue was. She was making us all lunch. I really need to start getting my cooking skills in order because my kids can't live off of mac and cheese the rest of their lives. But thankfully she was making something, I wasn't sure sure what it was yet, but I am sure it will be 100 times better than what I can make. Seth hugged his Mom and kissed her cheek before heading to say bye to Charlie and the kids.

"So what are you making?" I asked Sue.

"I am making pasta salad with simple turkey and cheese rolls; they both told me they like turkey and cheese." She said as she was cutting up some olives.

"Yeah, they aren't that picky, I just don't really give them much variety."

She laughed. "Well they look pretty healthy to me, so there is no need to worry about that."

I smiled. "Yeah I guess." I guess this should be awkward that she just met me and the kids today and she was cooking in my kitchen, but it just wasn't. Was that weird? "Hey, thanks for doing this, Sue."

"No problem, Edward!" I turned when I heard Peyton come running into the kitchen.

"Daddy! Daddy!" She said excitedly.

"Peyton! Peyton!" I said and smiled at her. She looked excited about something, and I think I could guess just what it was.

"Mommy is here!" She said. I didn't hear the door open, so she must have been looking out the window for her. Peyton has wanted to see Bella more, which broke my heart. She was very protective of Bella right now after what she saw. Bella was coming over this afternoon for a visit. She and the kids were unaware that this will probably be her last visit for a while. I invited her, I know I am weak, but I already feel like a piece of shit for leaving her like I am, and I didn't think letting her visit with her own children for a couple of hours would be so bad. She took a cab here, so that means I am bringing her home, and then that is when I will do it.

I heard the door open, and Peyton ran to go greet her. "Mommy!" She screamed.

I smiled and walked over to see Bella. She was completely lit up as she was hugging Peyton close to her, and Liam came running toward her as well. I walked near them and Bella smiled when she saw me. Her eyes also lit up when she saw me and I am sure mine did as well. I couldn't help it; it was involuntary reaction like blinking.

"How long are you going to stay, Mommy?" Liam asked.

"However long your Dad wants me to stay, honey." She said while pushing his hair away from his face and looking at him with so much love. She was looking at him like it has been ages since she has seen him and she was trying to memorize every little bit of him.

"I will bring you home around five; that is when my parents are coming over." I said. I was standing a couple of feet away from them with my arms crossed. Bella hugged the kids close to her once again and mouthed 'thank you' to me. I called her over here today and I told her she should spend some time with the kids since she has been in the hospital. I kind of lied, and I felt horrible for it, but this was really to just give her some time with the kids before she can't see them again. Ugh…just thinking about it makes me feel like such a heartless person, but I am just doing this for her own good, and for the good of the kids. She needs help, and since we tried everything else, this has to be the thing to get her to take that leap.

I nodded my head, and we were interrupted when Sue came walking into the room. I was still looking at Bella so I saw her look over at Sue, and I saw her face turn red and change to a face filled with anger, hurt, and shock. I was confused by her expression.

"Who the hell are you?" Bella snapped at Sue. Oh, I get it now. She thinks Sue and I are in a relationship. I was hurt that she would even think such a thing, and I wanted to confront her about it. I stopped myself though because I felt bad yelling at her, or starting an argument with her when I know what I will be doing in just a couple of hours.

I looked at Sue, and she looked at a loss for words. "Whoa, whoa, Bella." I said and walked over to her. She still had her eyes and glare on Sue. "Bella look at me." I said and she did immediately. "Sue and I are not together, she is Charlie's wife; remember I told you about him?" I asked, and it took her a second, but I saw realization form in her eyes.

She turned back to Sue, and walked over to her. "Oh my God, I am so sorry." She said as she approached.

Sue seemed to get what was going on because she was smiling again. "Oh no it's fine." She said.

"No, oh my God, I feel like such a bitch!" She said with a laugh and Sue laughed with her.

"Mommy said a bad word!" Peyton said with an accusing tone and we all laughed. Liam seemed to have slipped away somewhere, probably to go get Charlie who was upstairs.

Bella turned to Peyton who was now holding on to my pant leg. "Sorry, baby." She said and turned back to Sue. She put her hand out. "Hi, I'm Bella, I am so sorry for how I reacted." She said and Sue shook her hand with a smile.

"It's okay, I get it. If I came home and a woman was walking out of my kitchen, I would have done the same thing." She was looking at Bella in a weird way though. She looked like there was some kind of recognition in her eyes as she was looking at her.

"I know, but I shouldn't have judged too quickly. It's just…you know…" She said nervously.

Sue smiled. "Oh no, I do know. You love him a lot. I can see it." She said and they both turned toward me. I gave Bella a small smile that I was proud I could even muster at that moment. Sue didn't know what I was going to do today.

"I think 'a lot' is an understatement." Bella said while still looking at me. My smile faded slightly because the twisting feeling in my stomach made me feel nauseous. Sometimes I wish she didn't love me as much as she did just so she doesn't have to feel as much pain as I know I am going to put her through today. And of course the love she has for the kids…oh fuck…I need to stop thinking about this shit.

I heard two pairs of feet come running down the steps and then saw Liam dragging Charlie into the room. Charlie was smiling and he looked up at everyone in the room. His eyes seemed to immediately train on Bella, and he seemed to be studying her for a bit before smiling and walking further into the room. He patted me on the back.

"You going to introduce us?" He asked.

"Oh yeah, Bella this is Charlie, Charlie, this is Bella." Bella smiled and extended her hand to Charlie, and he shook her hand; his big hand pretty much completely engulfed her small one.

"It's very nice to meet you, Charlie. Edward has told me about you before."

"Is he talking bad about me?" He asked in a teasing tone and I rolled my eyes.

Bella laughed. "Actually…yes." She said.

I gasped and looked at her in horror. "I did not." I said.

"Oh really? Well I think I may just have to show that scrawny little thing who is boss." Charlie said and turned towards me. Bella and Charlie both had their hands crossed in front of them with their heads tilted to the right, and the same expression of mischief in their eyes.

"There will be no showing anyone who is the boss of anything." I said.

"I don't know Edward, why would the lady lie?"

I was just stunned for a second. "Alright, how the hell did this happen, I have both of you against me at once!" I said and held my hands up in surrender. Both of them started cracking up laughing at me and I stared at them incredulously. It was like they were an automatic united front.

"We are just kidding Edward." Charlie said. He turned to Bella. "So sensitive." He said while shaking his head and Bella laughed.

I looked over at Sue to see her studying the two together. "Okay, well lunch is ready for anyone who wants to eat." Sue said. Both kids went running into the kitchen after Sue, and I followed. Charlie and Bella were talking together and I was surprised at what fast friends they became. Bella was always so shy and reserved, but I guess all that went away with Charlie. He does have that effect on people.


Charlie and I were in the living room watching the baseball game while Sue, Bella, and the kids were in the kitchen coloring. Charlie was giving me the lowdown on all the players and the team's history. He really knew a lot about sports. I have never been obsessed with sports or anything, but I watch a game every now and then. Charlie was in the middle of telling me about some player's alleged affair when Peyton ran into the room and jumped into my lap. I expertly maneuvered myself to protect from the hit to the family jewels that was coming when she jumped on me.

"Hi, Daddy!" She said happily.

"Hey, baby." I said and kissed her head.

"Me and Liam want to go to the park with Mommy." She said. "Can we?"

"Uh…" I don't even know why I was hesitated, I would obviously say yes. "Sure baby."

"Yay!" She said and started clapping her little hands together. "You going to come with us?" She asked me with wide eyes. It would be nice to go out with my family and just have a good time together like normal families do, but I don't think I could do it. Call me a coward or whatever, but I was having a hard time sitting here and watching Bella interact with the kids when I knew this would be the last time. This would hurt her so deeply and I was the one who was making it happen.

"No, I'm going to stay here, princess. You go have fun with your Mom."

She sighed in disappointment. "Alright." She said and kissed me on the cheek before getting off of my lap. She walked over to Charlie. "You want to come, Charlie?" She asked.

"Naw, I am too old."

She shrugged. "True." She said and turned on her heal. Charlie gasped and I laughed. Peyton turned around and looked at the both of us quizzically.

"I am not old!" Charlie said to her.

"You just said you were!" She said.

"Yeah but you aren't supposed to agree with me." He said and I was still laughing.

"But it's true right?"

"No!"

She groaned. "Well then why did you say it?" She was getting even more confused and she was getting aggravated.

"Oh never mind! I am old, I accept that!" He said and threw his arms up in surrender.

Peyton waved her hand in his direction dismissively. "Boys don't make sense." She said before running back into the kitchen. Both of us were laughing now.

"That is one cute kid you got there, Edward." He said.

"Yeah I know." Now I heard more footsteps coming into the living room. Bella, Liam, Peyton, and Sue all came into the room. Liam came over to me and gave me a hug.

"Bye, Dad."

I kissed the side of his head. "Have fun with your Mom." I said and he nodded his head with that ecstatic smile on his face. Peyton kissed me again, and Sue was going to go with them too, so she gave Charlie a kiss goodbye. She gave me a small wave before walking out with the kids. Bella was lingering near the door wringing her hands in front of her, looking like that nervous little girl that I fell in love with.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" She asked.

I put my water bottle down on the coffee table as I got up. "Sure." I said. Charlie was engrossed in the television, and I followed Bella back in the kitchen. I put my hands in the pockets of my jeans to restrain myself from just taking her in my arms and holding her. I never thought the day would come when I had to stop myself from touching her. We have been so comfortable around each other for so long. Long before we even became a couple, I would grab her hand without even thinking about it, or just hug her. It was like second nature, and now I had to stop it. I wanted so bad to be doting on her right now, kissing her, holding her, and telling her how much she means to me, but if I did that it would only be for my selfish needs. It would be horrible of me to be doing that with her and then just leave her right after. That wasn't fair to her at all. "What's up?" I asked her.

"You sure you don't want to come with us?" She asked almost hopefully.

"I have some stuff to do." I lied. Unless you call me preparing myself mentally for the huge blow to my heart that will be occurring in just a couple of hours 'stuff to do.'"You all go have fun."

"Please?" She asked looking at me with the same look Peyton gave me earlier when she asked me if I was going.

"I can't, Bella." I said finally.

She nodded her head and looked down at her wringed hands. I wanted so bad to just take her hands in mine so she wouldn't have to wring them. I would love to hold them and bring them to my face…I need to stop, I will only make this worse for myself. "I'm sorry I am being a pain, but I…I just…"

"What is it, Bella?"

"I just really miss you." She said and her voice cracked on the last word. This was good practice for me because my hands practically twitched to be able to touch her in that moment, but I thankfully was able to control myself. It was good practice for later.

"You know the deal, Bella." I said. I was hoping she would for some reason tell me she knew, and she decided she was going to go to get the help she needed. I knew my hoping would get me nowhere because she knows she doesn't really HAVE to do that, she wouldn't lose anything by not going. I still let her see the kids, I still let her see me, and she still gets to drink and get that artificial happiness that she thrives for. She doesn't need it though, that is the thing. She is just unable to see it, so maybe taking away the only real form of happiness she has away, will make her come to realize that she needs to get it together.

"I know." She said and wiped at her eyes. "I'm trying." She said. I wanted to yell 'Try harder!' There were so many things I wanted to say, but I figured I could diminish the argument now, and save it for later.

"I know." I said.

"Can you at least give me a hug, Edward?" I tried, I really did. I fucking tried hard to keep my feet glued to the floor and my arms in my pockets but I was defenseless. I knew what I was doing was wrong as I took the two steps toward her and opened my arms for her to get into. I felt uneasy, but it literally all went away when her body was against mine and her arms wrapped around my middle. She squeezed me tight and I held her tight. Everything was just so right like this. She started to rub my back and I just melted in her arms. "Thank you." She mumbled against my chest.

"Mhm." I said. She pulled away, and as soon as her body was no longer in contact with mine, I felt the guilt and I started beating myself up. I was so weak. How the hell was I supposed to do this? Just one look from her and one question, and I automatically succumb to her. "Uh…I will see you later." I said and put my hands back in my pocket. My hands were sweating as I started freaking out on how I was supposed to do this.

"Bye, baby." She said and then turned toward the door. I stood in the kitchen and waited for the door to close before I started freaking out.

I pulled at my hair and groaned. "Fuck off!" I said loudly. I heard footsteps in the other room and I remembered that I was not alone. I lifted my head and saw a concerned Charlie appear in the entry way of the kitchen.

"You okay, kid?" He asked.

I was about to say yes, but I didn't want to lie. I could be honest with Charlie. "No." I said.

"Is it because of what you are going to be doing later?" He asked. I nodded my head. "You want to talk about it, Edward? It might make you feel better. I could probably tell you some stories."

I looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

He gestured for me to follow him back into the living room so we weren't standing in the middle of the kitchen. He sat down on the couch and I sat next to him. "I would say you and I have become good friends wouldn't you?"

"Yeah." I said.

"So I guess I can tell you these things and trust you won't judge me too harshly. I am a completely different person than I was, oh, 30 years ago."

"I understand that." I said.

"I was a bad kid, Edward. My Mom killed herself when I was four, and my Dad left me in a park when I was five." I put my hand over my mouth so I could close it. It hung open hearing what happened to him at such a young age. I will never understand how anyone would intentionally take themselves away from their kids. It was something that my brain could not comprehend and I don't think it ever will.

"So you were an orphan?"

He nodded his head. "Went to 31 foster homes from the age of five until the day I turned 18. It was terrible, Edward. I don't blame the people who kicked me out of their homes. I was horrible, Edward. I started drinking when I was 12 because I could, I started smoking at 13, I lost my virginity at 14. I was the definition of a fuck up." My mind was blown with what Charlie was telling me right now. He did not seem like he would have come from that upbringing. He was so put together and happy and just a really nice guy. "I have seen things you couldn't even begin to imagine, Edward."

"Wow." Was all I could say.

"When I was 18 and I was on my own, I felt unstoppable. Name me a drug right now." He said all of a sudden.

"Cocaine."

"Did it. I did everything, Edward. I never really got too hooked on them as much as alcohol. I had a different girl every night and I drank and drank and drank."

"How the hell did you make it out of that?" I asked.

"I barely did. But I remember perfectly the night it all changed like it was yesterday." He started wringing his hands in front of him as he thought back to that time. "I was 27. I went to a bar, met this girl and we were both drunk and happy. She was younger than me, I don't know how much younger, but she was. She was alright looking. She took me to her house, we did stuff you know?" I nodded my head; there was no reason for him to get into detail. "Afterwards we were lying together, still drunk, and then she started crying! I mean she was sobbing, Edward. She started blubbering about how she wanted me to love her and how no one ever loved her, and I don't know, Edward, I just lost it. It was one of those life changing moments when you look back and think what the fuck am I doing with my life?"

I nodded my head and continued listening. I can't believe he had to go through all of this. "What did you do?"

"I left." He said. "I know it sounds stupid and mean, but I couldn't deal with it. As she was crying and practically screaming for someone to love her, I realized that I wanted that too. No one ever loved me. Not one person. I went outside, it was raining, and I started hyperventilating. I was shaking, I had no control over my body, my mind was going a million miles a minute, and the alcohol and drugs I took that night started taking over me. I collapsed on the floor, and before I knew it, I was passed out." His face for some reason got softer, and it was a weird expression for him to be wearing after what he told me. "I woke up in a green room." He said.

"A hospital?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Nope. I woke up in a beautiful woman's house who I now like to call my wife."

"Sue? Sue brought you to her house after you passed out?" I asked.

"That she did." He said. "Right after I laid eyes on her, Edward, she had me. She showed me the most affection I ever got in that one night than I had in my entire life. No matter how many girls I slept with, I never felt such a connection to someone as much as I did when she asked me if I was okay."

"That is amazing." I said.

"She is." He said with a smile. "You know, I still see that other girl around sometimes. She is still not doing to great, but I am grateful to her. If it wasn't for her, I would not have met Sue. I tried helping her get back on track one of the times I saw her, but she just fought against it. She told me she had a boyfriend and a kid and she will get her own help. The last time I saw her was probably…hmm…10 or so years ago at a carnival."

I nodded my head. "So you just stopped drinking and stuff like that?" I asked.

He started laughing. "Hell no, kid. Sue and I started dating pretty fast after that night, but I never allowed her to see me drunk. I lasted about a year before she got really suspicious. I have been completely sober for 4 years and 4 months today."

"So you were drunk around your kids?" I asked.

He nodded his head with a shameful look on his face. "Don't think for one second that I don't love my kids, Edward." He said fiercely.

"No! Come on, Charlie, you know that I would be the last person to ever judge anyone on that situation."

He took a deep breath. "I know, I am sorry, but that is a very sensitive subject for me. I just really couldn't control it, Edward. It is hard to explain. But I loved my kids, I still do of course."

"What got you to get sober?"

I felt bad for asking the question after I saw the tear in his eye. "When I was drunk and driving the car that killed my little girl."

My breath caught in my throat as I gasped. Charlie was driving the car when his daughter died? "Oh my God…" I said.

He nodded his head. "You don't understand that feeling, Edward, and I hope you never will. The feeling after you lose a child is the worst kind of pain. But then knowing you were the cause of it adds onto it, and death seems like the only alternative."

"Charlie…you don't have to tell me anymore." I said.

"No, I do, because I want you to see what an important thing you are doing today, Edward." He turned more towards me. "Sue left me. With good reason, too. I didn't blame her, and I still don't. But when she left me and I got those divorce papers, I got a rope, Edward. I went online and learned how to tie a noose, I just wanted out. I was halfway done when I got a call. You want to know who called me?"

"Who?"

"My son. And do you want to know what he said to me? He was 17 at the time."

"What?"

"He told me, I will never forget it, because it saved my life. He said 'I need you, Dad. Please get help so you can come home. Do it for Leah.'"

"And you did?"

"Fuck yes I did. I didn't just do it for Leah though; I did it for my son, my wife, and myself."

"Good for you then."

"Yeah, I guess. I went into rehab that next day, and Sue took me back when I got out. We have our share of problems of course, but we really love each other, and nothing can change that. We both knew we belonged together despite everything, and Leah would not want her parents to be apart."

"I really am sorry for all that happened to you though, Charlie. Especially to your daughter…no one deserves that."

"Thank you, but you realize why I am telling you this right?" He asked. "Sometimes a person has to hit absolute rock bottom before they can get completely up. My rock bottom was losing my daughter, but it didn't have to be that way. By you leaving Bella today, you are going to put her on rock bottom, and she will have nowhere else to go but up."

I nodded my head. "It's just hard, Charlie. I don't want to be away from her at all. I love her so much its…"

He patted me on the back. "I know that, Edward. But think about it, would you rather this be her bottom or for her to have to suffer through the bottom I had?" He asked.

"This bottom." I said.

"You can make that happen for her, Edward. It is going to hurt like hell, I can already tell you that, but I promise you will look back on this when you have your wife in your arms and she isn't slurring her words or intoxicating her body on the daily. You will look back and think, wow, I really did good."

"I hope you are right." I said.

"I promise you, Edward." He sat back on the couch. "And I would like to see that girl get better, she is something special."

"I know she is." I smiled.

"Look at you, you lovesick fool." He said and punched my shoulder lightly.

I laughed. "I never denied it."

He laughed. "Well just to let you know, me and Sue, and even Seth are here for you man. Anytime you need a babysitter, or just someone to cook, you know we are a phone call away."

"Thanks, that means a lot."

"Just stay strong tonight, Edward."

"I am going to try." I am going to try really fucking hard.


"Okay, Daddy, you press the button after I say three." I pressed the button and 'Colorblind' by Counting Crows started playing. Peyton ran at me with a look of horror on her face. "Not yet!" She yelled. I pressed pause.

"You said after three!" I teased her.

"Not that three!"

I pressed play. "That one?" I asked.

She screamed in frustration. I tried to contain my smirk as I looked over at Bella sitting on the couch with Liam curled up in her lap. Charlie and Sue left about an hour ago, and my parents were going to be here in 30 minutes so I can bring Bella home. I tried not to think of that though, and just enjoy these last moments as a family for a long time. Peyton wanted to show Bella the dance she is learning in her ballet class. She was doing a dance with the older girls in a recital next month, and Bella hasn't seen what she has learned so far. Her dancing with the older girls was a big thing for her. Only four girls her age got chosen for it, and she was ecstatic.

She walked over to the radio and pressed pause. "Daddy, look at me." She said, and I tried not to laugh as she was disciplining me the way I normally discipline her. "Don't press the button until I count to three, okay?"

"Okay."

She patted my head. "Good job." She spun around, her little ballet slippers making it easy for her to spin so easily. She stood in the middle of the living room and got into what I now know is the first position. The coffee table was off to the side to give her room to do her show. "Are you ready, Mommy?" She asked.

"I am more than ready, pretty girl." She said. That look of pure adoration was in her eyes. I had to look away.

"Okay." She looked over at me and gave me a look. "One…two…three." She said and I pressed the play button. Then she started dancing. I have seen her practice the dance many times but she never seized to amaze me when she danced. For a two year old she had great control, and she moved so gracefully. I was mesmerized by this perfect little girl that Bella and I created together. I looked over at Bella and Liam and saw that Bella as well was under a spell while watching Peyton dance. Liam had a small smile on his face, and I knew he was smiling for more than just watching Peyton dance. My perfect little boy was in the living room now with his family, and I knew that is something he always yearns for. A tug was felt at my heart knowing this won't happen for him in a while. I looked back at Bella, my love, and saw she now had tears coming down her cheeks watching Peyton.

The song came to a close, and Peyton stopped dancing, ending right back in the first position. Bella and Liam both started clapping, and I did as well. Peyton was back to her bubbly self and started clapping her hands together and twirling in a circle; she was happy we liked it.

Bella got up from the couch and picked up Peyton and started showering her with kisses. "You were perfect, baby! I have the most talented daughter ever!" She said and continued kissing her.

"Hey what about me?" Liam asked.

Bella brought Peyton with her to the couch where Liam was. She pulled Liam to her as well and started showering both of them with kisses. "You are not my daughter silly." Bella said and they both laughed at her. "But I do have the most talented and handsome son ever!" She said.

The beautiful moment was interrupted by a knock on the door, and then my Mom opening the door. My parents walked into the room, and I got up from the floor. Liam and Peyton both ran at their grandparents and gave them hugs. I walked over to Bella's side. "You ready, lo…uh, are you ready?" I almost completely slipped and called her love. I wish I could just say it one more time.

She nodded her head, her eyes still on the kids. She looked over at me. "Just let me say bye to them." She said. I knew I wouldn't be able to watch her say bye to them right now. It was too final, and I was the only one who knew just how final it was. I headed out the living room and my Mom followed me. She grabbed my arm before I could make it to the door.

"Edward?" She said.

"What?" I asked.

"Are you going to…you know…tonight?" She asked almost hopefully. I understand this has to be done, but can she at least act like she cares that I am about to do something that is going to break my heart? Can't she have some kind of sympathy with me?

"Yes." Was all I said. I didn't want to argue or fight. At this point, I just wanted to get this over with. Maybe once it is all said and done, I will feel a little better, but all of this waiting is making me even crazier.

"Oh, okay." She said with a smile. A fucking smile. I needed to get out of there. I walked over to the door and walked to the car. I waited for Bella, and she was out after three minutes. She ran to the car as the rain was coming down pretty hard, I guess tonight was the rain storm. I had no way of knowing though because today hasn't been a day that I was able to think about other things. She got into the car and smiled at me.

I pulled out of the driveway and started driving towards Bella's apartment. I was doing something I never thought would happen.


I pulled up in front of the apartment building. The drive was silent for the most part. Bella would comment on the kids or Charlie every now and then, but that was about it. She unbuckled her seat belt, and she looked over in my direction. I knew what she was going to say, but I kind of wished she wouldn't have so I could give myself an excuse as to why I didn't go in there.

"Do you want to come up?" She asked.

"Yes." I said. She smiled at me and started opening her door. I turned the car off, and got out as well. The rain was coming down hard, and we both jogged to the door. She opened it with her key, and we walked up the steps to her apartment. I haven't been here in a while and when we walked in, I noticed it was much like the way I left it last time. White walls, brown couches, small TV, boxes in the corner; this was supposed to be temporary.

"Do you want something to drink?" She asked.

"No thanks."

"You want to come sit?" She asked, gesturing to her couch.

"Sure." I walked ahead of her and sat down on her couch. She sat down on the other side of me. Normally when she would sit down beside me, I would wrap my arm around her and we would just lounge on the couch together…not today. This wasn't the first time I have brought her home. She rarely ever came to the house, but when she did, I would bring her home, and things would escalate. It would start by cuddling on the couch, and end in her bed. It wasn't wrong; we were married and we loved each other and we needed each other.

"I had a good time today." She said.

"Yeah."

"I really can't wait to go see Peyton's recital." She said.

I took this as my opening. "You can't go, Bella." Every word felt like a brick coming up from my throat, not just words.

"What?" She asked, her voice squeaking from the hurt I just caused her.

"You can't go to Peyton's recital." I said. Brick, brick, brick…fuck.

"Wh…why not?" She asked. She got up from the couch, and she was getting defensive now. She was hurt, I could understand that.

"I don't think you should see the kids anymore, Bella."

"What!" She yelled. Her breathing was picking up and I could already see those stupid fucking tears in her eyes.

"Or me. Actually I won't allow it."

She brought both of her hands to her hair. "What? Please tell me you are joking, Edward. Please." She said. She was shaking her head with her hands pulling at her hair.

I got up from the couch. The mask was completely on now. I need to do this; I would not let Bella get to a bottom like Charlie's. "I am not joking. I will not bring the kids to see you, and I will not see you after I leave this apartment."

She took her hands out of her hair and slammed them to my chest. "You bastard!" She yelled. I was expecting this. I could identify with her; I would want to hit someone if they told me I couldn't see my children. "I can see them when I want!"

"No." I said and grabbed her wrists. "You can't. If you don't agree, I have a court order already set up."

A sob broke out of her mouth and she stepped away from me, the pain in her face was staggering. "How could you…"

"Bella, I am only doing this to help you…" I said. I didn't want her to hate me.

"To help me?" She screamed. "You are taking away every single reason I have for living away from me to 'help me'?"

"Yes I am. You can have us back as soon as you get sober. I can't allow for you to be around the kids while you are like this."

She shook her head. "Please don't do this to me, Edward. Please, baby." She said. The tears were coming down her face relentlessly, and I had my hands clenched at my sides. The pain was not as bad as I thought it was going to be at this point. Maybe it was because I wasn't allowing myself to feel.

"I have to do this, Bella."

"You don't. Please, I just need time…I…"

"No. I gave you enough time, Bella. I have been too lenient with you, and it stops now."

"Edward, please. Don't do this. I need you, baby. I need you to be able to live."

Not even my mask was enough to cover the pain I felt in my chest at those words. "Then you need to get serious about getting help, Bella."

"Don't leave me, baby." She pleads with me.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

And then she did something I never imagined her doing at all. She ran up to me and threw her arms around my neck. She hugged me tightly, and I focused completely on trying to keep my hands down. I want to hold her so bad…

She pulled her head away from my neck. "Kiss me. Kiss me, Edward."

Now I brought my arms up so I could get her arms out from around my neck. "No." I said. I brought her hands down by her side.

"Why?" She screamed. She pushed at my chest again. "Come on, Edward, kiss me! I am your wife after all!"

"No, Bella." I said a little louder this time.

"Why? Is it because you know that if you kiss me right now you will not be able to go through with this? Is it because you will realize that we need each other, Edward? We need each other and you know that! Please don't take that away from us, Edward."

"You need to get help, Bella." I said loudly.

"Or do you not want to kiss me because you don't love me anymore? Is that it?"

And then I snapped. "How dare you fucking say that, Bella!" I shouted. "I love you and you know that! I would do absolutely anything for you and that is why I am doing this!" I yelled. I was yelling so loud I felt like the vein in my head could burst. "Do you really doubt my love for you that easily?" I asked weaker now.

She walked back over to me and put her hands on my cheeks. "No, of course not." She said frantically. "I didn't mean it, Edward. I really didn't, I am just scared. I can't live without you…"

"Bella you are going to have to learn how to."

She shook her head. "No."

"Yes." I said and took her hands off of me once again. "You just need to get help, Bella. Please get help."

I turned around because I didn't think I could take anymore. My mask was slowly going away and the pain was hitting me hard. Bella started pulling on my arm as I was walking away, and I shrugged her off. The pain was creeping closer. She grabbed my hand with both of hers and I was forced to turn around. I really wish I didn't though because she was on her knees in front of me. "Please, Edward. Please." She begged. I was about to give in, but then I thought about Charlie. He lost his daughter because of his mistakes and I would not let something like that happen to Bella. This may be hurting her now, but if something like that would happen to her, I don't think she would be able to take it, and I would undoubtedly lose her forever, and I can't live with that.

So I did the hardest thing I had to do. I pulled my hand from hers and took a step back. "Goodbye, Bella." I said. She was bent over onto the floor now, clutching her stomach as she cried and sobbed. With a heavy heart I turned around. I turned my back on her for the first time, and I hoped this would be the right thing.

I made my way to the car feeling like a robot. I wasn't controlling my legs; I wasn't controlling anything because I wasn't all there. The rain was pelting on my face as I walked to the car. I opened the driver's door. I sat down. Put the key in the ignition. Started the car. Put the car in drive. Pulled away from the curb. I was now driving.

I think I drove for about 10 minutes before I realized I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going. I was becoming a danger to myself right now and the pain was making it hard to think…see…hear…function. I pulled over to the side of the road and stopped the car. I leaned my head on the steering wheel and tried to gather myself together. Sitting there only made it worse and I was beginning to feel claustrophobic. I opened the door and stumbled out of the car. My legs seemed to be not working, and this is what I imagined being drunk felt like. I tripped onto the side of the road and caught myself with my hands on the grass.

Again I couldn't control the contents that expelled out of my stomach in that moment. I remember heaving and heaving but it was like an out of body experience. I kept seeing her on the floor begging me not to leave, but I did anyway.

I just left her.


I walked up the steps of the porch of my home a different person. I think I can get back to a somewhat normal version of myself once I could see my kids, because this was all for them. Everything I do is for them.

I opened the door and was confused when I saw my parents and my brother and sister staring at me. I didn't even notice their cars. "Wha…" I had to clear my throat "What are you all doing here?" I asked.

"Edward you are all wet and dirty!" My Mom said.

I looked down at myself and sighed. "Yeah."

"So how did it go?" Alice asked. Maybe if I was the same Edward, the Edward with his Bella, I wouldn't have flipped out, but I did.

"Why the hell do any of you care?" I asked rhetorically, and I saw each of their faces turn into one of pain. I was on a roll tonight, hurting every person I loved.

"Edward…" Emmett said.

"No! Can you all just stop acting like you even care?"

"We do care, honey…" Esme said.

"Really? Do you really?" I said, looking at all of them. "Because if I remember correctly, I was doing this alone this whole time."

"Edward, maybe you should calm down." My Dad said.

"No! This is my house; I can do what I want! I don't think that any of you have a right to come in here and tell me what to do! I have been doing this alone this whole time, so let me deal with it. I don't need all of you surrounding me and pressuring me and acting like you care about what happens to Bella." They were all speechless, and my Mom started crying. "Well guess what everyone? I have some good news! I left her! Doesn't that make you all so happy? Does seeing me like this make you happy?" I said while hitting my chest.

"Oh Edward…" My Mom said and took a step towards me, and I took a step back.

"Please…please just leave." I said. I didn't need this right now. I need my kids and that's it.

They seemed to get it, and they all left. I felt more guilt from snapping at them as soon as they closed the door, but there was nothing I could do about it now. That will just have to wait. I jogged up the steps and went straight to my room. I took all of my wet clothes off as fast as I could and got into my pajamas. I went to the bathroom and washed my face before going to Liam's room.

I think I entered too loudly because he instantly started waking up when I opened the door. He got up and turned in his bed when he saw me.

"Dad?" he asked while squinting his eyes.

I walked over to his bed and sat down beside him. I pulled him close to me without any words. I hugged him and he hugged me back without question. He knew I needed him right now, and even though he was only eight years old, he was there. I didn't tell him that I left Bella tonight, but I think he just knows because he is so grown up and perceptive.

I didn't mean to do it in front of him, but I started crying. I wasn't sobbing uncontrollably because this wasn't really a cry of pain. It was more a cry of relief that I actually did it. I actually took that step to helping both my children and hopefully Bella in the long run.

"Don't cry, Dad. It's okay. I love you." He said as he pulled away.

I kissed his forehead. "I'm sorry, I will stop. I love you too, son."

"Do you want to have a Daddy-Liam-Peyton sleepover night again? Maybe it will make you feel better."

Perceptive and smart my boy is. "Yeah, just let me get your sister." He got out of my arms and got down from the bed. I followed him out of the room and he ran to my room as I went to Peyton's room. She was sleeping on her stomach, and I tried to pick her up without waking her. I got her on my shoulder and she started waking up.

"Daddy?" She mumbled.

"Yeah it's me, princess. Want to sleep in my room?" I whispered.

"Yup." She said simply and snuggled closer to me and fell back asleep. I walked with her to my room, and the three of us got comfortable on the bed like we do when we have these kind of nights. I really did feel better in that moment. I was having trouble falling asleep though because I kept on thinking back on seeing her knelt down on that floor begging me to stay. She was at the bottom at that moment, and I put her there. But it was like Charlie said; when you are at the bottom, you have nowhere else to go but up. So that is where I kept telling myself Bella would go. I truly believe she will get the help she needs. The only thing was when.

I guess for now we just have to wait.


So sorry for the delay on this chapter but this week has been really busy and hard for me. My Dad has been sick and guess from what? Drinking alcohol...ironic huh? So yeah, this week has been a little crazy. So I don't know when the next update will be, but you all know I will try my hardest to update it as soon as I can! I hope I made up for it though with this really long chapter!

Thank you once again to my FFBFF Alexa for pre-reading this for me! You have been so helpful to me this week especially in making sure I keep thinking positive. I love you! We have also been working on our new project as well, and it should be coming out soon!

I am going to add pictures of Sue, Charlie, and Seth on my profile. (I have a crush on Seth lol)

Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter, it meant a lot!

Review please!