Living
Chapter 29
Halloween fell on a Friday. Adeem just so happened not to be grounded that day, so Tabitha asked if she could go over to his house. Reluctantly, both of her parents said yes, so here she was.
"You got more posters," she observed.
Adeem nodded. "And look! I cleaned for you…sort of. I put all my underwear in the drawer, at least."
"How come you didn't put any posters on this wall?" She asked, deciding not to ask about the underwear.
"I pray that way."
"On the wall?"
"Facing it."
"So you can't have posters on the wall that you face, but your room can be messy?"
He shrugged. "Hey, wanna see my guitar?"
"I saw it last time I was here."
"Not that guitar," he said. "My brother's home and he brought his with him."
"So it's not your guitar, it's his," she deduced.
"Why do you have to ruin everything for me?"
"What? I was just stating what you didn't."
Adeem frowned. "I'll go get the guitar."
She sat down on his bed, waiting for him. When he came back, he had a blue, electric guitar. Adeem smiled proudly, walking into his bedroom with it.
"It's too big for me, right now," he said, going over to her. "But when I get older, it'll be mine."
"Adeem!"
Tabitha frowned. "Who's that?"
"My brother," he said, making a face. "He doesn't exactly know that it'll be mine soon. And I didn't ask if I could show it to you."
She just rolled her eyes.
"Trick-or-treat."
Cameron smiled. "You look so cute, James."
"I'm not James," he said. "I'm Darth Vader!"
"Sure, James," she said, smiling at me. I rolled my eyes.
"They wanted you to see their costumes," I said.
"What are you, Cody?"
He smiled. "I'm Batman."
Cameron looked at me with shock. "I though that Batman was DC."
"He is," I said. "Fang almost had a heart attack."
"I bet he did," she said, putting candy in the boys' bags. "Where's Lucas?"
"Danny and Ari's mother took him," I said, shrugging. "He was Randy Orton. Whoever that is."
"That's a wrestler!"
Cameron turned her head a little. "Damien, hurry up. Max doesn't have all day."
I was going to give Cody and James to Damien, seeing as he was taking Samantha too. I really needed to get to work."
"I can't find my jacket," he complained, coming to the door. Samantha was in his arms. She was dressed like a bear cub.
"It's fine," I said. "It's not that cold."
"Still," he said, shifting Samantha. She looked at the two boys with interest.
"Hi, Samantha," James said, his mask making his voice different. "I am your father!"
"James, stop," I said, rolling my eyes. "I have to go. You guys got them?"
"Yep," Cameron said. They were going to spend the night at her house tonight, anyways. "Tell Max bye, boys."
"Bye-bye," Cody said. "I love you."
"I love you more!" James declared. Then he giggled at how the Darth Vader mask made him sound. "Bye."
I smiled at them before leaving. When I got to work, Bone was waiting. He hugged me and gave me a kiss.
"Pictures?"
I handed him my phone. He smiled, looking through the photos of the kids. I sat down on the stool, getting ready for a long nap.
"Tabitha?"
"She didn't go again this year," I said, shrugging. "One less costume to buy. She's at Adeem's house right now."
Bone nodded, giving me my phone back. He gave me another kiss. "Home. Bye."
"Bye," I said, smiling at him. "See you later."
"Love."
"I love you too."
After he was gone, I went to sleep.
Bone gave Victoria a kiss. "Good day?"
She shrugged, looking down at Lance. "Here, go put him in his crib."
He had just left the room when there was a knock on the door. Victoria sighed, going to get it. In an apartment, they didn't get a lot of trick-or-treaters, but they got a few.
"Hi," the little girl said when she opened the door. "Is Mr. Bone home?'
Victoria frowned. "You're not here for candy?"
"Nope," she said, shaking her head. "I need to check on Mr. Bone."
"Who are you, again?"
"Jamisha," she said. "Who are you?"
"I-"
"Hi," Bone said, coming up behind his wife.
"You are alive!" Jamisha looked relieved.
Bone nodded. "Yes."
Victoria stepped out of the way. "Do you want to come in?"
Jamisha didn't answer her. The relief on the girl's face had faded into anger. "Why don't you call me anymore, Bone? You never ask me to watch Nina and Bubba anymore."
Bone smiled at her. "I got a wife now. She's home with the dogs."
"Still could have told me."
Bone just kept smiling. "You know, I will need help again pretty soon."
"Why?" Jamisha asked.
"Because I'm going to be moving and I'll need help getting all my stuff out to the car."
Jamisha stared at him in shock. "You're leaving?"
"I have to. I have a wife and kid now."
"What about Bubba and Nina?"
"They're coming too."
Jamisha frowned. "So I won't see you anymore?"
Bone hesitated. "Well, no, I guess not. But it'll be okay."
Looking sad, she said, "I guess I should go, Bone. I've got a party to go to."
"Party? You're not trick-or-treating?"
She shook her head. "Nah. I'm too old for that."
Too old? What was wrong with kids these days? "Will you help me when I move out?"
"I might…something could come up, though," she said, trying to sound like she didn't need him.
"Of course," he agreed. "Something… Well, tell your brother, will you?"
"He doesn't live with us no more," she said. "He lives with my dad."
Bone frowned. How long had it been since he had seen Jamisha? "Tell him I said hi next time you talk to him, okay?"
"Alright," she said, starting to back away. "Goodbye, Bone."
"Bye," he said. "And, Jamisha?"
"Yes?"
"If you ever need me…or something, I'll be here until I move out, okay? And even after that."
"Okay. Bye, Bone."
"Bye," he said, slowly closing the door. Why had he forgotten about her? For a long time, Jamisha was one of the only things that was a constant. Now he had Victoria and Lance. Why did good change feel so bad?
Nina came up to him and rubbed her head against his leg, as if she too were feeling the power of change. Sighing, Bone ran a hand down his dog's back. Why do all good things come to an end?
November
"No," Bone groaned, pulling Victoria back to him. "Don't go yet."
"I have too, Art," she said, pushing his hand away from his waist.
"Why?"
"For one, I've been stuck in this apartment long enough. For another, yesterday was the last day of my maternity leave. I have to go."
He groaned. "But it's raining. I hate the rain."
"It's not raining that hard," she said over a clap of thunder. "Remember, Lance normally is awake by nine. Be up, Artemis."
He just groaned, closing his eyes again. Why did she have to leave? He was just getting comfortable too. "Be safe."
"Always," she said, making a face at him in the dark. "Don't forget the dogs either. I do not want to clean up any poop when I get home."
"My dogs are housetrained, thank you."
She ignored him. "And you had better eat at least once today. And no, that does not mean eat a cookie. I want you to either eat breakfast or lunch. Preferably both, but one will suffice."
"Stop showing off your college education."
She leaned over the bed and gave him a kiss. "I'll see you at five, baby."
"Bye," he mumbled against his pillow. "Love."
"I love you too."
Tabitha and Adeem were in trouble, again. This time Adeem had taken Play-Doh and put it on some kids chair so that when he sat in it, it got stuck to his pants. How Tabitha had anything to do with that was behind her.
"Our punishments don't even make sense anymore," Tabitha said. The teacher had them grading papers. Well, she was grading papers, Adeem was half asleep. "Are you drooling?"
"No," he said groggily. "When I squint, you kind of look like a man."
"Shut up, Adeem."
He smiled a little. "If you weren't White, would you wanna be Arab?"
"No."
"Then what would you want to be?" He asked, frowning.
"What would you want to be if you weren't what you are?"
"I'd be Mexican," he said, smiling. "Or Japanese."
"I'd wanna be Black," Tabitha said.
"That'd be cool too," he said. "If you had to pick Japanese or Chinese, which one?"
"Chinese, duh."
"What?"
"Yeah," she said. "No one ever says 'let's go get Japanese food' do they?"
"They eat sushi," he pointed out.
"That's not all that great."
He rolled his eyes. "If you weren't Christian, would you be Muslim?"
"I don't know," she said. "Would you want me to be?"
"Yeah, kind of."
"Well, I'm not."
"I'd give up Allah for you," he said. "It's only fair."
"I never asked you to," she told him. "Besides, that would be a stupid choice. If you believe in something, like really believe in it, you should stand by it."
"Yeah, but it shows how much I like you."
"Still."
Adeem sighed. "You make everything so hard. Why can't you just be happy that I would do that for you? Oh, wait, I forgot. You're never happy."
"I am too! I'm a very happy person, Adeem."
"Whatever you say, Tabitha."
You know when you hear something, and you just feel your stomach drop? When the world just stops making sense for awhile? Do you? I mean, do you really?
Fang looked hard at me. "Do we-"
"I don't know," I said, shaking my head. This wasn't like Tommy dying, where the words were there, just all jumbled. There were no words for this. They barely knew her, really. I wasn't sure their true feelings for Victoria, so how could I tell them about her death? I wasn't all that sure of my own feelings, really.
"Should we tell them all at the same time or separate?"
"Fang, I don't know, okay? The kids are not my fucking concern right now."
Fang sighed. "Bone-"
"Shut up, Fang," I said, shaking my head. "You can't even begin to understand."
"Excuse me?"
"You've never had someone close to you die."
"Hello, Max, does our son ring a bell?"
"Our son was not close to you," I said. "You never even knew him."
"I am not getting into it with you tonight."
"There's nothing to get into. What I said was the truth!"
He sighed, laying back on the bed. "Who has the kid?"
"Trinity and Dan."
He nodded his head a little. "Let's wait a little to tell the kids. I need to think."
"Whatever."
Cameron rolled onto her stomach. "It's like everyone in our life dies."
Damien frowned. "No. It's normal for people to die. It's part of life."
"It's kind of sad, huh? Everyone he knows dies," she said. "Poor Bone."
Samantha poked Damien in the chest. Why were they so sad? She wanted to play!
"Yeah, I know," Damien said, running a hand down Sam's head. "My mom has Lance."
"Good," she said. "I hope Bone's okay. Did Max say how she died?"
"Car crash."
"Damn."
He didn't correct her on her language. "Yep."
"I feel horrible. I mean, I didn't particularly like either of them, but they just got married."
Damien nodded. "Hey, Cammie?"
"Hmmm?"
"…Do you ever talk to Mary?"
She put her back to him, taking in a breath. "No. After the funeral, she told me that she never wanted to see me again. She said that it wasn't my fault, but seeing me hurt. She said that she and I weren't that close anyways."
"But you were, weren't you?"
Cameron shrugged. "There are billions of people in this world, Damien. If I ever needed another woman like Mary, I guaranty you I could find one. There is no individuality."
"I don't think so," Damien said. "Everyone had something about them that makes them different. If you left me, I'd never find another you. And I certainly couldn't find another you, Samantha."
The baby giggled, looking up at her father. "Hi!"
"It was raining this morning, huh?"
Damien nodded. "Yeah, Cam. God, he hates the rain."
"Now more than ever."
We decided to tell Tabitha first. She was in her room, doing her homework.
"Another cheating thing?" She asked as we walked into the room. I shook my head.
"Tabitha, we got something to tell you," Fang said.
"Max, you already said that I can see Adeem tomorrow. He can't tell me no now."
"I know, sweetie," I said. "This is about…Victoria."
Tabitha looked back down at her paper. "What about her?"
"She…got into an accident, Tabitha," Fang said slowly.
"Is she hurt?"
"She's dead."
Tabitha looked up, looking sad. "Like not coming back, dead?"
I nodded. "Yes."
"That's…bad."
"Yeah," Fang said. "Are you okay?"
She nodded, looking like she was going to cry. "Is Bone okay?"
Fang went over to her and gave her a kiss on the head. "You let us worry about that stuff, okay?"
Next were the boys. Cody and James were playing with Tyler and Lucas in their bedroom. Great, we get to tell them all at once.
"Guys, we got something to tell you," Fang started.
Cody climbed onto Tyler's bed. "What?"
"It's about Victoria," I said, getting onto Lucas's bed. James climbed into my lap. "Do you know what it means to die?"
Lucas nodded. "Means you go to Heaven."
"No," Tyler said. "It means that you might. You could go to Hell."
James frowned, cuddling against me. "Is that where Mommy is?"
"No, sweetie, no."
He smiled. "Good."
"Did Victoria die?" Tyler asked.
Fang nodded a little. "Yeah, Ty."
Cody frowned. "No see her no more?"
"No see her no more," I repeated back to him. All the boys except for Tyler began to start crying. Fang and I were trying to comfort them when Tyler spoke.
"See, Dad? See?" He was standing up, looking at his father with joy. "I didn't say nothin' bad. I'm not screwed up. See? Daddy?"
For the first time in a long time, Fang embraced his son. Tyler started crying.
"See? I'm not messed up. Tell Max that she fixed me. Please? Please?"
"Shhh," Fang said, running his hand down his son's head. "Shhh. I'm sorry, Tyler. I really am. I never meant any of that."
"I'm not screwed up," he said with conviction. "I'm not."
Lucas sniffled, looking at me. "Where'd Vickie go? To Heaven or Hell?"
I stared at him. "Heaven, baby."
"What about Bone?" He asked, trying to stop crying but not being able to.
"He's alright," I told him, trying to tend to both Cody and James. "He's fine."
There is nothing on earth that will get rid of your pain forever. There's drugs and alcohol that will put it off for awhile, but it never stays away. There's always some down time, between getting high or drunk, when you feel the pain, worse than ever. That's what draws addicts back every time. Bone though, he wanted something to fix his pain permanently and the only way to do that was to die.
For the first hour, Bone considered this, but he couldn't do it. He refused to pass off his pain to the ones that he loved, and that's exactly what death would do. It was horrible, feeling like this. Before, at least he had time to be numb. When he was in that crash with Carrie and Carol, he was in the hospital too. They had him on so many pain pills that it was hard for him to feel anything.
It wasn't fair. He was in as much pain as if he had been in the crash all over again. What had he done? What? It wasn't right. They should have given him morphine just like last time. Bone wanted to soar above all of this, as if he was the one with wings, not Max. He wanted to be far away from this all and never come back to it. Living in memories would be hard, but it would be better than this. Anything would be better than this. He didn't need this. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't.
Thanksgiving
Bone wasn't well. And he had Lance. I didn't want him to have the baby, but we couldn't keep him from his child.
"Fang, I just want to check," I insisted. "Please? We'll drop the kids at my mom's and then go check on him and Lance. Come on."
So that's what we did. After we had the kids over there, we left for Bone's in my car. When we got up to his apartment, it was eerily quiet. Bone always had his music on, but not anymore. It was sad. Why is everything so sad now?
Fang knocked on the door. "Bone? Open up, buddy. It's us."
"Here, I got a key," I said, making Fang frown. "What? He has a key to our place."
Fang shook his head as I opened the door. The place was a mess. Bone was passed out on the couch, his dogs sleeping on the floor underneath him.
"Bone?"
He didn't move. I got worried. "Bone!"
Opening his eyes slowly, he said, "Get out."
"Bone, we came to check on you," Fang said, going over to him. I went into the nursery. Lance moaning a little. It didn't look like Bone had fed him a day or two and hadn't changed him.
"Baby," I said, rushing to him. He was so dirty. Gently, I picked him up.
"Get out!" Bone was yelling in the other room. "Where is she? Max, get the hell out!"
I walked out of the baby's bedroom. "Bone, when's the last time you-"
"Shut up and give me my son!"
"No," I said, holding the baby close to me. Fang grabbed his arm.
"Bone, come on. Let us just take-"
"No!" He yelled, trying to fight Fang. Nina shot up, thinking that Fang was hurting her master. She didn't bite Fang, but she was in a defensive stance. I ran out of the apartment, taking the baby with me. He was crying.
Once I got to the car, I put him in Jason's carrier, which had been left in the car. Ten minutes later, Fang came out of the building.
"Let's go," he said, getting into the drivers side.
"He's mad?" I asked.
Fang nodded. "I'm not leaving that baby with him, Max."
"Neither am I."
When I got to Mom's, I bathed Lance and fed him. Then he went to sleep in Jason's carrier. Bone sent me a text that told me to keep Lance, that he didn't want him right now. Yeah, like there was a chance he was getting him back.
"Is he okay?" Mom asked.
"Just some diaper rash," I said. "He needs to sleep a little and will probably be fine."
She shook her head. "I told all of you not to leave-"
"We messed up, okay?" I went and sat down on the couch. James climbed into my lap.
"Are you sad?"
I gave him a kiss. "Shhh. I'm just tired."
"Go see Grandma?"
I sighed. "Later, James, okay?"
He nodded, laying his head against me. "Night-night, Max."
I was half asleep when Tabitha came into the room.
"Max?"
"Hmmm?"
"Did you go see Bone?"
"Mmhmm."
"Oh…can I go over to Adeem's?"
"Nope."
"Please?"
"No, Tabitha."
"That's not fair!"
"Tabitha, stop, okay?" I opened my eyes. "You're not exactly my main concern right now, okay?"
"But holding James is?"
James made a face at her. "Go away, Tabby. Max is sleepin'."
"But-"
"Tabitha," Fang said, coming into the room. "Stop, okay? Go play with Tyler or Lucas."
"Tyler went to Alex's house this year. He's not even here."
I frowned. "He did?"
"Drake took him over there."
I'd think, as one of his parent's, someone could have told me about that. "Tabitha, I doubt that his family wants you over there."
"Yes they do. He asked. I was on the phone with him."
Great... I looked at Fang. "It's up to you, babe."
Fang smiled. "No, you cannot go."
How'd I know that was coming?
"I hate you! I hope that you die!" Tabitha ran off. Iggy made a face.
"Nice, Fang. You raised a winner."
Rolling my eyes, I said, "Fang, really? Why couldn't she go?"
"If you wanted her to, you shouldn't have let me decide," he said, shrugging. After he left the room. James got out of my lap.
"Where are you going, James?"
"Gonna go find Cody," he said, walking off. Lucas came into the room as he was leaving.
"Hi, Luke," I said.
"Is Bone okay?" He asked, coming to sit down next to me on the couch.
"He's fine," I said, smiling at him. "Lance is here."
"Bone's not though?"
"No, Luke. He's not."
He frowned. "Oh."
"It's okay though," I said, running a hand through his hair. "He's fine."
"If you say so."
"I do."
James found his friend in a bedroom. He climbed up onto the bed with him. "We need to do somethin'."
Cody cocked his head to the side. He was trying to play with Car and Remy. "'bout what?"
"Bone."
Nodding his head, Cody said, "Yeah."
"What you wanna do?"
"Make him a card," James decided. "Go get paper."
Cody nodded. "Watch Car for me. I'mma take Remy with me. He's happy today."
James nodded. "Hi, Car."
Giggling, Cody got off the bed, taking his stuffed doll with him. He went to find his grandma. She was in the kitchen.
"Granny," he said, going to tug on her pant leg. "Paper!"
"I need you to speak in a sentence, Cody," she said, like always. He frowned.
"I wan' paper."
"Alright," she said. "Go in my office and it's in the bottom drawer."
"Not 'llowed to go in there, Granny."
"If I tell you to do it, you can."
He nodded, walking off to go get it. When he went into the office, there was Total. Cody had never met the dog before and thought that he was a toy, as the Scottie was taking a nap.
"Puppy," he said, going over to pet it. "My puppy!"
"What are you doing, you little brat?" The dog growled, angry that he had been woken up.
Cody began to cry loudly. Why was his toy growling? He held Remy close to him, screaming for his mommy.
"What did you do?" I snatched Cody up, glaring at the dog. "We let you come to one family thing and you hurt my baby? What the hell?"
Cody wrapped his arms around my neck, sniffling.
"I didn't hurt him," Total said, closing his eyes again. "He was touching me."
"Are you okay?" I asked Cody, looking at him. "Did he bite you?"
He shook his head. "He scared me!"
I sighed heavily. "You're alright?"
"Yeah," he said, wiggling in my arms. I sat him back down and he went over to Mom's desk, opening it. "Gotta get paper, Mommy."
"Cody!" James walked into the room. "Take long time."
"Sorry," Cody said, getting the paper out. "Bye-bye, Mommy."
"Bye," I said, eyeing Total. "Look, dog, do not hurt my kids."
"I did no such thing," the black animal said, clearly offended.
"Whatever," I said, walking back out of the room. I checked on Lance, but he was still sleeping. I was walking out of the room I had left him in, when I felt hands around my waist.
"How are you?" Fang asked, kissing the side of my neck. "Good? The baby alright?"
"Yeah," I said as we moved back into the room. Fang closed the door with his foot before walking us over to the bed.
"Let's nap," Fang said.
"No," I whined.
"Yes," he whined back, pulling me down with him. We settled into the guest bed, cuddling against each other.
"I think that this is Nudge and Drake's room," I said, kissing his nose.
"Then they won't mind," he said, kissing my head. "I love you."
"I love you too."
It was quiet for awhile. We weren't talking nor were we sleeping. We were just…laying there. Then Lance began to cry. I went and got him.
"I think that he's hungry," I said, lifting him out of the carrier. "Come on, Fang."
He got up and followed me out of the room.
Cameron and Damien decided to stay home for Thanksgiving. Seeing as his parents were out of town, it was just the two of them, Peter, and, much to Cameron's displeasure, Samantha.
"What are you doing?" Cameron asked, walking down the staircase around ten. "Come get back in bed."
"I can't," he called from the kitchen. "I'm cooking."
Frowning, she walked into the kitchen. "Cooking what?"
"Well, not turkey. That's too hard," he admitted. "But I'm making mashed potatoes."
"That's it?"
He shook his head. "I bought corn. Oh, and rolls."
"Potatoes, corn, and rolls."
He nodded. "Uh-huh."
"That's it?"
He frowned. "Are you not happy? I mean, I could just get us a pizza…I guess…"
Cameron went over to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "No, no. It's fine."
He smiled again. "Okay."
Giving him a kiss, Cameron said, "It's early. I'm going back upstairs."
"Okay," he said, going back to the potatoes. "Take Sam, will ya?"
Samantha was on the floor, playing with stuffed animals. When she heard her name, the almost two year old looked up. "Hi."
Cameron sighed, going to pick up her daughter. "Hi."
Giggling, Samantha laid her head on the woman's shoulder. "Mama."
Cameron looked down at the baby. "What did Daddy do to your hair, huh?"
Damien had to smile as Cameron walked out of the room, talking to her daughter. This had to be a first, so he'd have to get a photo later, and make sure it got marked in his family photo album that no one knew about because then they would make fun of him. Yeah…
"How come your dad and stepmother are always taking in other people's babies?"
Tabitha shrugged. It was the Monday after beak and her and Adeem weren't actually in trouble for once, so they were able to go out to recess like everyone else. Instead of running around and playing, they just sat in the grass and talked. Tabitha had been afraid that he'd ditch her to go have a better time with some of his friends, but he hadn't.
"I don't know," she said, picking at the grass. "They're just like kids, I guess."
"I'm glad my parents don't do that."
Again, she just shrugged. "I still have my own room, so I'm fine."
"What about if the baby that she's about to have is a girl? Then what?"
"It won't be."
"What makes you say that?"
Again, all she could do was shrug. That seemed like the only thing she was able to do anymore. "I don't know."
They were quiet again for a minute. Then they saw one of the teachers approaching them.
"What did you steal?" She asked, sighing.
"Nothing," Adeem said, offended that she would ask. "Maybe he's coming over here because you stole something."
"I doubt it."
The teacher was right in front of them now. Tabitha was pretty sure that he was Tyler's teacher.
"What are you two doing?" He asked. He seemed nice, but it was just a façade. Tabitha knew that.
"Nothing," Adeem said, clearly hiding something. Tabitha frowned. He had stolen something.
"Well, why aren't you playing with the other kids?"
So he was one of those teachers. Ugh. She couldn't stand it.
"'cause we don't wanna," Adeem said. "Why do you care?"
The teacher seemed shocked that he would speak to him this way. "Well, I just thought that maybe something was wrong."
Tabitha pulled her knees to her chest, laying her head on her knees. "Are we in trouble?"
"No," he said. "Mrs. Drey has been talking to me though."
Adeem frowned. So they were in trouble. "We didn't do it. She just hates us."
"I was actually wondering if you wanted to be moved to my class," he said.
"Both of us?" Adeem asked.
"No. Just you."
Tabitha frowned. Were they really that bad? Did they really need to be separated?
"No," Adeem said. "I like my class."
The teacher paused. "I'm sure that you do, but-"
"We don't wanna change classes," Tabitha said. "Not our fault Mrs. Drey is mean."
"Yeah," Adeem said, nodding his head in agreement."
The teacher sighed. "Alright. I was just telling you that it was brought to my attention."
They watched him walk back over to where the teachers sat. He and Mrs. Drey said something to each other before looking in the direction of Adeem and Tabitha. Why was everyone so concerned with them? You'd think stealing was a crime or something.
Lance was adjusting to his new home nicely. I had him and Jay sharing a crib for now. At the moment, I was feeding him. He didn't seem to like bottles much, but he was getting used to it.
"Mommy?" Cody walked into the room. "I went poop."
"Good boy," I said absently. "You flush?"
"Yep!"
"You wash your hands?"
"…No."
"Cody, go wash your hands."
He frowned, stomping off. Lance got sleepy again so I put him back in the crib. Neo was in the playpen in the living room with Jason. I was home alone with the boys today, so it was really quiet.
"Hi, Max," James said as I walked into the living room. "Cody pooped."
"Thank you for telling me," I said, rolling my eyes. The boys seemed to think that this was some sort of accomplishment, pooping. I have no idea why. "What do you want for lunch James?"
"Um…Hotdogs and mac 'n cheese!"
That's why I love him the most. "You know what, James, I think that's what we'll have, just because you said it."
He clapped his hands, smiling. "Okay!"
I laughed, pulling him to me. "You know that I love you, right James?"
He nodded. "I love you too, Max."
"Good."
December
Adeem was over, so Tabitha was happy. It was also Saturday, but when I asked her about our girls thing, she said that she'd rather just be with Adeem. Whatever. Like I care that she replaced me with a boy…I've got James, anyways.
"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands," James sang, doing so. "If you're happy and you know, and you really wanna show it, if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!"
Cody frowned. "Shhh! Loud."
I rolled my eyes, laying down on the couch. Today, Fang was working. It had basically just been me and him back and forthing it recently. We didn't stay open all night anymore, but I think that Luther would understand.
"Max, right I can be the president?" Tyler came into the room with Alex. "Alex don't believe me."
"Doesn't believe you."
"Whatever."
I sighed. "You both can be whatever you want to be."
"See?" He looked at her hard.
Alex shook her head. "I said that you couldn't 'cause no one would vote for you."
"They would too! Wouldn't you vote for me?"
"Depends," Alex said, walking back up the stairs.
"On what?"
"If Jamie was running."
"Alex!"
I rolled m eyes as they left. I was only half conscious when Adeem and Tabitha came downstairs.
"Is she asleep?"
"No," Tabitha said. "Probably not."
They both stared at me for a second. I internally groaned. Why wouldn't they just leave me alone? Tabitha looked at him.
"Okay, maybe she is asleep."
"So should we go?"
"Y-"
"Stop," I said, sitting up. "What are you talking about?"
"I told you that she wasn't asleep," Tabitha complained.
"Where did you two think you were going?" I asked.
"Just outside," Tabitha said.
"No," I said, laying back down. "Now move. You're blocking the TV."
"Yeah," James said from the floor. "Move!"
Tabitha made a face at him before moving. "There, happy?"
She grabbed Adeem's hand and led him back up the stairs. James looked over at me.
"Okay now?"
"Yep," I said.
Lucas was with Fang at work today, so it was kind of quiet. The whole Jeb thing has hand me feeling weird recently. Lucas isn't like me and Fang were when we were kids. He's just…normal. If he wakes up and night and sees Fang watching a scary movie, he gets scared from just the though of it. Then he has to sleep in bed with us. When he falls down and cuts his knee, sure he gets right back up, but when he gets home, he cries because he knows that I like to baby him. Lucas isn't special. He's just himself.
Neo started crying from the playpen. Groaning, I got up and checked on him. He needed a diaper change. I took him in the other room to do that. James followed me.
"What you doin', Max?"
"Changing his diaper," I said, going into the bathroom. "Can't you go somewhere else, James? Go play with Cody."
"He calls me loud."
"You are loud."
He giggled. "I know."
I rolled my eyes. "James? Do you like living with me and Fang?"
"Yes!"
"Would you rather live with your grandma?"
Trinity had suggested this the other day. It was bothering me for some reason.
"Nope!"
"What about with Cameron and Damien?"
"No," he said, shaking his head. "Max?"
"What?"
"Gonna make me go?"
"No, of course not," I said. "I love having you here. I just wanted to make sure that you liked it here."
He nodded. "Love you, Max."
"I love you too," I said, smiling at him.
Fang was sitting at the counter, watching as Lucas restocked. "You're really good, buddy."
"Am I going to get my quarter?"
Fang smiled a little. A quarter for the job Bone normally did? China got it right with child labor. "We'll have to see."
Lucas frowned. How could he brag to Ari about being rich if he didn't have a quarter? "What else do I gotta do, Dad?"
"I need you to pick up all the trash on the floor. Finish restocking first, though."
"Okay," Lucas said dutifully.
Fang pulled out his phone and started texting. A few minutes later and the door opened.
"Hi!"
Fang glanced up. It was Samantha. She hadn't seen him yet. She was talking to Lucas. He looked up.
"Not now, Sam. I'm working."
Cameron smiled, looking at Lucas. "You're working, Luke?"
"Yes," he said. "Hi, Cameron."
"Hi," she said, going up the counter. Damien came in a second later.
"Hey, Lu-"
"Not now, Damien!" Lucas didn't look up. "I'm working!"
"Alright, alright," Damien said, frowning.
"Hi!" Samantha went up to the counter. Then she looked behind it and saw Fang. "Daddy!"
She wrapped her arms around Damien's leg, almost tripping him. "Hey, Sam, stop it."
She moaned loudly, hiding her face. Fang was scary. Sighing, Cameron picked the baby up. "Stop it, Samantha. There's nothing wrong with you."
Fang frowned. He really didn't like the kid. "What do you need, Damien?"
"Order," he said.
"Lucas, go into the back and get the box that says Damien's name on it, alright?'
He nodded, getting up to go do it. This was a lot of work for a quarter, but it would so be worth it.
"What are you guys doing today?" Fang asked as Samantha settled out. She began to fall asleep on her mother's shoulder.
"Nothing," Cameron said, though he had directed the question towards Damien. He figured she'd answer though, what with her leader complex.
"Here you go," Lucas called, coming into the room. He sat a box on the counter. "Now do I get a quarter?"
Fang sighed, pulling out his wallet. "Here. If you finish restocking though, I'll give you another quarter. What do you say, bubba?"
Lucas held his quarter above his head, staring at it thoughtfully. "Nope. One is enough."
"What are you going to do with one quarter?" Cameron asked, looking slightly amused.
"Show it to my friends. Show 'em how rich I am," Lucas said, shrugging. "Maybe buy Mommy something nice."
"But he can't even buy a candyb-"
"Shut up, Damien," Cameron said, frowning at him. "That's a very good idea, Lucas."
"But-"
"Shush," Cameron said, glaring at her husband. "God, can you not just be a good sport about something?"
"'Good sport'? What are we, eighty?"
She frowned. "Fang, you better ring him up, because I'm about to not let him buy anything at all."
Fang shook his head, internally thinking that Damien was whipped, not realizing just how alike he and Damien really were.
The next day, Bone called and wanted to meet up at park. It was only about seven in the morning and the sun was just rising. The sunrise looked beautiful on the pond in the center of the park. We were at the edge of it, sitting in the grass.
Neither of us had said a word since we met there, and it was starting to get awkward. How could someone that you felt so comfortable around for years suddenly become a stranger?
"I'm sorry," I blurted out.
Bone looked at me and then started laughing, loudly. I didn't find him funny.
"What? What is funny about that?"
"You," he said, shaking his head. Then a sad look came onto his face again. "You don't say that you're sorry. Ever."
"That's not true," I said, frowning. "You just assumed that because I didn't say sorry about Carrie and Carol."
"Were you sorry?"
"For their deaths? Yes. For you? No."
He looked at the water, glowing orange from the sun's reflection. "Why not?"
"Because you didn't deserve it."
For the first time, Bone seemed to hate me. When he looked at me, there wasn't that acceptance that it normally had. "What do you mean that I didn't deserve it? Do you not know what I've gone through?"
I had brought myself out here and now I was going to have to learn to swim or drown. "What I meant was, you've wallowed in your pain long enough about them. You had been when I first got here too. Don't become Luther. Don't let the pain eat you inside out-"
"Don't you even pretend to know my pain."
Suddenly, I was as enraged with him as he was with me. "Your pain? Your pain? You don't even know the definition of pain. Goddamn it, Bone, wake up! You're not the only one in this world that has lost something. You're not the only one that grew up fucked up. You're not alone, not even close."
It was silent for a second. Bone looked away. "I am alone, Max. You don't get it. You can't understand."
"Stop saying that! I've lost too, Bone. I've lost so much."
"And I haven't? I have lost so much more than you."
"And what if you have? Does that entitle you to neglect your son for two days?"
He turned his eyes back to mine. It was stone on stone, neither making a dent in the other. "You didn't give me a chance! You took him before-"
"What were you going to do? Let the baby sit in his own filth? Bone, that's inhuman."
His nostrils flared. "Shut up, you! You don't get anything. Just shut up!"
Bone has always been my protector. When Fang was yelling at me, when Luther was trying to fire me. He was always on my side. Now, it was like I was just another person to him. I didn't matter. Not in the slightest. It hurt, but it also felt good. I hadn't stood on my own in a battle for awhile. It's like the first time you get on a bike again after years. You feel free, you feel in control.
I shook my head. "You're no better than Luther, you good for nothing man. What? Am I just supposed to raise your son too? You don't deserve Carol, you never did."
He almost slapped me. His hand went up to do so, but then he just stopped. Face changing, he sat there, frozen. Realization seemed to flood to his eyes, as I'm sure the same did to mine. We were Max and Bone. Bone and Max. Imaginary siblings. Was he really going to his last living sibling?
Then I realized something else. I'm not his sister. I'm never going to be. I can't be. It's not fair to me, to him, to anyone. Living this lie was just a quick fix. It's like a nicotine patch. It helps for awhile, but then you realize that it's just another crutch. Are you really cured of something if you can't even stand up on your own without something else? Bone needed Carrie just as much as he ever did; he just hid it with his need for me. Now I've pulled the crippled man's crutch away from him and he was crawling away.
Slowly, Bone retracted his hand. Again, we fell into an awkward silence. For the past few years, we could not say anything to each other all day and feel comfortable. Now, it hadn't been an hour and we were dead on the water. It's amazing what a change of perspective will do to you.
"I can't stay here," Bone whispered into the early morning.
I watched as two birds fought over a piece of bread. It looked like they were going to fight to the death, until one finally got it and just flew off, leaving the other bird dazed, confused, and hungry.
"I know."
"Too much has happened here."
"I know."
"It's not fair, that I have to leave, but the memories aren't going anywhere. It's me or insanity."
"Yep."
"I have to choose me, Max. You know that."
"Yeah."
He looked at me again, the acceptance momentarily replaced with hatred, now replaced again with a need to be understand. "You'd do it too, right Max? You'd leave too, right?"
No, I wanted to yell. I wouldn't leave the only family I've ever really known. I wouldn't leave the people that love me the most. I couldn't. I would stay with them no matter what. I would die before I left them. I'd give my life to be with the kids that I love.
But isn't that the same choice I was forced with so many years ago, the morning I decided to go with the school just to save them?
Tears stinging my eyes, I looked at him. "Yep."
One more chapter and this too, will be over.
