A/N: Well, this is the brand spankin' new chapter of "Tansho"!!!! In honor
of the long-awaited continuation of this story, I've composed a little song
for my disclaimer (and also 'cause I'm a borderline neurotic-but I'm sure
none of you will hold that against me). It's sung to the tune of that
funky French song "Fraire Jacques" (don't know how the hell to spell
that...but you know what I'm talking about...hopefully...)
I don't own shit I don't own shit
No I don't No I don't
Cause I'm only in high school Cause I'm only in high school
And I'm poor And I'm poor
*ahem* Well, that was crap that you could have been saved from reading had I only said "I don't own FY cause I'm a poor high school senior." But what's the fun in that, huh??!! ^_^ On with the story!!!
Chapter 29 Creature of the Sea
He, too, seems to know that whoever is at his door has come to tell him that it is time to depart for Hokkan. For a moment, I tell myself that I won't let him go, that I won't let him take one step away from me. Then I ask myself if I care for him so little that I would purposefully hinder him from fulfilling his destiny as a celestial warrior.
He lets go of me reluctantly to answer the door, and I watch him walk away from me as if I were watching him walk to the ends of the earth. Even though he only moves across the room, I want to run after him and fling myself on him, begging him not to leave me. It is both pitifully sad and magnificently beautiful how I am dependant on him. I once went so far as to compare him with opium when I first met him; and I realize now that my comparison was possibly very accurate.
"Tasuki dear, you look horrible!" a mournful voice cries when Tasuki opens the door. I furrow my brows when I realize I know that voice. I know that the voice is a woman's, and yet I know that its owner is not.
As I walk briskly across the room, I wrap my gown tighter around me to ensure my modesty and try to comb through my hair some with my fingers. I reach Tasuki's side and peek around him to see the boisterous, young purple- haired woman I met at the tavern-the woman whom I later learned was actually a man. He spots me and his eyes go wide almost instantly. He glances at his friend, then back at me, then back at his friend. A wry smile slips onto his undeniably attractive face.
"Hello, Tansho," he finally replies with a hint of uncertainty lingering on his feminine voice, obviously not knowing exactly how to react to my presence in Tasuki's room. I smile and bow slightly, hoping to ease his discomfort in the situation.
"Hello--Nuriko, was it?"
He nods, closing his eyes in a generous smile. I smile back, finding the situation more amusing that uncomfortable and having to restrain my laughter. Tasuki only rolls his eyes and lets a lop-sided smile form on his lips, knowing perfectly well what his companion already knows. It isn't hard to gather the information--all three of us realize this. It's quite obvious now that Tasuki and I have become lovers. There's no use in attempting to hide it.
"Well, I just thought I would tell you that we'll be leaving within the hour," Nuriko continues cheerfully. He gives Tasuki a quick and powerful slap on the back that sends shim off-balance a bit.
"Goddamn it!" Tasuki mutters under his breath, wincing at the blow and reaching a hand back to rub his shoulder blade.
"Oh, so sorry, dear," Nuriko purrs, "I forget my little gift every now and then." He grins again and winks at me before turning and sauntering off down the veranda.
Tasuki lets out a labored sigh and shuts the door heavily. I grin at him when he turns to look at me.
"I see you'll be well cared for on your journey. Your friend will end up killing you before the enemy does," I reply sarcastically, smiling and walking back across the room to gather my precious box from the table. I value the simple little wooden box perhaps as much as the earrings.
"I have a few more things to have loaded on the ship. Could you help me carry them down to the dock?" he asks, picking up his black overcoat and shrugging in over his shoulders. He rummages around a few moments before he finds his belt and metal sheath.
"Of course," I answer, helping him buckle the golden strap that holds his sheath to his back. Our eyes lock unintentionally, and we look at each other silently for a moment. And in this instant we both seem to understand all the things that have been tormenting our souls all night and all morning. We cannot solve them or even begin to pick them apart yet, but at least we understand them. That is something in itself, and we are satisfied for the moment.
**************************************************************************** ******************
I walk silently beside him as we make our way off the palace grounds to the docks. A bundle of supplies are slung over his shoulder, and I carry a few things bundled in a blanket in my arms. My wooden box is close to my heart, pressed between my chest and the bundle I'm carrying. I keep looking down at it and over at Tasuki. It is such a tiny thing, but so full of his love. And I cannot help but treasure it.
I stare in amazement at the enormous ship that looms above us, rocking almost drunkenly every time a wave heaves it upward. I realize that I have never before seen a ship, but only heard of them by way of the sailors that regularly visit the tavern. It is obviously one of the emperor's ships; its intricate brass and gold adornments and polished wood gives it away. It is a magnificent creature, seeming almost alive to me. And I look at this thing and feel a gripping pressure inside of me, knowing this vessel is what will take Tasuki away from me and hopefully return him safely. I view it as a god for a moment in time, and offer it a beseeching prayer to protect him, because I know I myself cannot.
Suddenly, I feel alone. The abandonment is so powerful that I lose my breath for a moment and must cough to regain it. I cannot feel him next to me any longer. Tasuki isn't by my side. He has left me. I instantly panic, my heart swelling and deflating painfully in my chest. Where is he? Dear gods, don't let him leave me yet! I'm not ready to see him go!
I spin around in circles, my eyes searching desperately for a hint of fire somewhere. My head turns this way and that, threatening to spin away from my body. I am so full of fear and hurt and confusion that when I finally see him and realize that he is still here, I am close to losing my mind.
He's standing near the edge of the dock with a young man in beautiful robes and an extravagant headdress. I study the strange young man closely, partially because I need something to focus my swirling mind on and partially because Tasuki seems so familiar with him. His hair is such an unusual dark gray color, and his eyes an even more unearthly yellowish color. I feel a bit unnerved by his presence and I force my eyes to look away. I almost feel unworthy to look at him.
At least Tasuki is still here. I grip the bundle in my arms tighter and bend myself over so that my chin barely touches the cool wood of the little box pressed to my chest. At least I haven't lost him yet. Not yet.
"Tansho."
Hearing him speak my name makes me suck in a deep breath. I force a smile to lighten the facade that I have already plastered on my face. I want to smile genuinely for him; I do so much. But I just can't; not when this creature that will eventually steal him away is so near me and mocking me with its rhythmical swaying. But a smile is a smile.
"Yes?" I answer him.
"I've talked with his Highness Hotohori and he has promised to have you escorted back to the tavern once me and the others are gone. He has also promised to send men to the tavern once a week to ensure your and the other women's safety. If Shingen dares to harm one of you, his Highness will make sure he never does it again," Tasuki says to me. His voice is so cold with his re-awakened anger and contempt for my master and pimp. His eyes glow in an ethereal light that makes me wonder what kind of power he truly holds in himself.
"He has also offered to prepare an apartment in the seraglio for you if you wish to remain here until I return. You would be taken well care of, Tansho, and if I.if I don't come back, His Highness has promised that you would continue to be taken care of." His voice has changed from coldness to sheer desperation. He wishes me to remain here in palace where he is certain I will stay safe and well. But I cannot abandon them, the women of the Black Dove, the others who are no different than me. They are the only family I know. They are my mothers and my sisters and my dearest friends. I cannot leave them to the mercies of our pimp when I have the chance to protect us all with a simple decree from the emperor.
Tasuki's fear for me is enough to splinter my heart into a thousand pieces. He has asked the assistance of the emperor himself for my sake, trying to ensure my safety when he cannot be with me. And even more moving to me is how I know his understanding of the love I have for my confidants at the brothel, and how I could not leave them--even for my own freedom.
"His Highness is most gracious," I reply quietly, "But you know my answer, Tasuki. I will gratefully accept his offer of protection for me and the other women of the brothel."
He only smiles sadly and leans into me to take the bundle from my arms.
"I knew you would say that, so the emperor already knows your answer. You will stay safe, and the others will as well," he says. He passes his bundle on to a servant, who quickly scurries onto the ship by way of the gangplank. The burning in his eyes diminishes, and I am put at ease by the softness that replaces it.
"Thank you," I whisper to him.
And once again I am amazed that he came to me somehow; to me and to no other. There were four other women in that tavern that night, but I was the one he chose to love. And there have been hundreds of men to lie in my bed, but he was the one I chose to lie with and love as well.
And now here we are, standing face to face and knowing that we are going to be separated from each other so soon after we just met. He is leaving me to fulfill his destiny as a warrior taken from a constellation in the sky, and I am remaining here to wait for him to come back.
I am taken out of my mournful reverie by an odd look on his face. His eyes are nervously glancing at the surging water below the ship, and his fangs bite at his bottom lip trying almost desperately to draw blood. His hands are unable to remain still. His feet shuffle. I suddenly realize that he is afraid.
"Tasuki," I say, resting my hand gently on his arm to try to get his attention, "What's wrong?"
He tears his eyes away from the sea to glance at me; but he can't meet my worried gaze.
"You mean he hasn't told you?" A near-by voice replies. I turn slightly and see Nuriko swaying up to us, his arms folded delicately across his chest-which I now cannot help but notice is flat. "Tasuki!!" he scolds, "You should have told her. Now she's going to worry about you even more!"
"Tell me what?" I ask, quickly becoming nervous myself. He is obviously unnerved by something-perhaps even afraid. The ship? Or the sea itself perhaps?
"Can you not swim?" I ask, suddenly understanding. The defeated expression that passes over his face tells me that I have spoken the truth.
"Oh he can swim--like a rock!!!" Nuriko chimes, patting Tasuki lovingly on the shoulder. "But don't worry, Tansho dear; I'll make sure he doesn't drown himself."
He waves happily to me and walks off towards his other companions, leaving Tasuki fuming with embarrassment and anger.
"Why didn't you tell me?!" I cry, almost infuriated myself. How dare he keep this from me, knowing good and well that he was going to be traveling by way of the sea?
"Because you have enough to worry about, that's why!" he retorts, "I sure as hell don't want you to be thinking of me drowning!"
I sigh heavily, knowing how right he is. He knew it would worry me, and he had wanted to keep it from me. And I don't blame him for it; knowing this about him has instantly heightened the feeling of dread in my abdomen. How in the name of the gods will I stay sane now, waiting for him to return?
But as always, the years of learning how to please and be pleased have been re-awakened in my mind yet again, and I find myself thinking of the day when he will return--of what we will be so desperate to do.
"There's one good thing about your not knowing how to swim," I say, my eyes darting to his alluringly. His face instantly brightens at my devious glance, making me grin madly.
"And what would that be?" he asks, slowly slipping a hand around my waist to draw me closer to him. I curl my hands over his shoulders, my precious wooden box grasped in one, a handful of his silky hair in the other. I rise up slowly on my toes to whisper in his ear.
"I get to have fun teaching you when you come back," I answer, falling back down on my heels and lifting my eyebrows to hint to him my thoughts.
He bursts into laughter when he finally registers my implications and swallows me in his arms, pressing me close to his chest. And I laugh with him, thankful that I've chased away his sadness momentarily-- even though everything inside of me is weeping mournfully.
A/N: Well, there you go, the momentous occasion of the continuation of "Tansho". I hope it's met everyone's expectations. Ohhhh *sniff sniff* It's almost time for Tasuki to leave!! But what will become of Tansho during his absence. Will the emperor's men be able to protect her and the other women while Tasuki is gone?? Or will Shingen find a way around it?? (I know he's an asshole...but I ingeniously made him that way for a reason) ^_^!!!
Anyways, thank you all so so so so so SOOOO much for the great reviews. Hopefully I will be able to work myself out of the angst soon (I'm kinda gettin' depressed myself every time I write). But that's what I get for developing such a sad storyline. Thanks again for putting up the utter sadness of this fic and for loving it like you do!! ^_^
I don't own shit I don't own shit
No I don't No I don't
Cause I'm only in high school Cause I'm only in high school
And I'm poor And I'm poor
*ahem* Well, that was crap that you could have been saved from reading had I only said "I don't own FY cause I'm a poor high school senior." But what's the fun in that, huh??!! ^_^ On with the story!!!
Chapter 29 Creature of the Sea
He, too, seems to know that whoever is at his door has come to tell him that it is time to depart for Hokkan. For a moment, I tell myself that I won't let him go, that I won't let him take one step away from me. Then I ask myself if I care for him so little that I would purposefully hinder him from fulfilling his destiny as a celestial warrior.
He lets go of me reluctantly to answer the door, and I watch him walk away from me as if I were watching him walk to the ends of the earth. Even though he only moves across the room, I want to run after him and fling myself on him, begging him not to leave me. It is both pitifully sad and magnificently beautiful how I am dependant on him. I once went so far as to compare him with opium when I first met him; and I realize now that my comparison was possibly very accurate.
"Tasuki dear, you look horrible!" a mournful voice cries when Tasuki opens the door. I furrow my brows when I realize I know that voice. I know that the voice is a woman's, and yet I know that its owner is not.
As I walk briskly across the room, I wrap my gown tighter around me to ensure my modesty and try to comb through my hair some with my fingers. I reach Tasuki's side and peek around him to see the boisterous, young purple- haired woman I met at the tavern-the woman whom I later learned was actually a man. He spots me and his eyes go wide almost instantly. He glances at his friend, then back at me, then back at his friend. A wry smile slips onto his undeniably attractive face.
"Hello, Tansho," he finally replies with a hint of uncertainty lingering on his feminine voice, obviously not knowing exactly how to react to my presence in Tasuki's room. I smile and bow slightly, hoping to ease his discomfort in the situation.
"Hello--Nuriko, was it?"
He nods, closing his eyes in a generous smile. I smile back, finding the situation more amusing that uncomfortable and having to restrain my laughter. Tasuki only rolls his eyes and lets a lop-sided smile form on his lips, knowing perfectly well what his companion already knows. It isn't hard to gather the information--all three of us realize this. It's quite obvious now that Tasuki and I have become lovers. There's no use in attempting to hide it.
"Well, I just thought I would tell you that we'll be leaving within the hour," Nuriko continues cheerfully. He gives Tasuki a quick and powerful slap on the back that sends shim off-balance a bit.
"Goddamn it!" Tasuki mutters under his breath, wincing at the blow and reaching a hand back to rub his shoulder blade.
"Oh, so sorry, dear," Nuriko purrs, "I forget my little gift every now and then." He grins again and winks at me before turning and sauntering off down the veranda.
Tasuki lets out a labored sigh and shuts the door heavily. I grin at him when he turns to look at me.
"I see you'll be well cared for on your journey. Your friend will end up killing you before the enemy does," I reply sarcastically, smiling and walking back across the room to gather my precious box from the table. I value the simple little wooden box perhaps as much as the earrings.
"I have a few more things to have loaded on the ship. Could you help me carry them down to the dock?" he asks, picking up his black overcoat and shrugging in over his shoulders. He rummages around a few moments before he finds his belt and metal sheath.
"Of course," I answer, helping him buckle the golden strap that holds his sheath to his back. Our eyes lock unintentionally, and we look at each other silently for a moment. And in this instant we both seem to understand all the things that have been tormenting our souls all night and all morning. We cannot solve them or even begin to pick them apart yet, but at least we understand them. That is something in itself, and we are satisfied for the moment.
**************************************************************************** ******************
I walk silently beside him as we make our way off the palace grounds to the docks. A bundle of supplies are slung over his shoulder, and I carry a few things bundled in a blanket in my arms. My wooden box is close to my heart, pressed between my chest and the bundle I'm carrying. I keep looking down at it and over at Tasuki. It is such a tiny thing, but so full of his love. And I cannot help but treasure it.
I stare in amazement at the enormous ship that looms above us, rocking almost drunkenly every time a wave heaves it upward. I realize that I have never before seen a ship, but only heard of them by way of the sailors that regularly visit the tavern. It is obviously one of the emperor's ships; its intricate brass and gold adornments and polished wood gives it away. It is a magnificent creature, seeming almost alive to me. And I look at this thing and feel a gripping pressure inside of me, knowing this vessel is what will take Tasuki away from me and hopefully return him safely. I view it as a god for a moment in time, and offer it a beseeching prayer to protect him, because I know I myself cannot.
Suddenly, I feel alone. The abandonment is so powerful that I lose my breath for a moment and must cough to regain it. I cannot feel him next to me any longer. Tasuki isn't by my side. He has left me. I instantly panic, my heart swelling and deflating painfully in my chest. Where is he? Dear gods, don't let him leave me yet! I'm not ready to see him go!
I spin around in circles, my eyes searching desperately for a hint of fire somewhere. My head turns this way and that, threatening to spin away from my body. I am so full of fear and hurt and confusion that when I finally see him and realize that he is still here, I am close to losing my mind.
He's standing near the edge of the dock with a young man in beautiful robes and an extravagant headdress. I study the strange young man closely, partially because I need something to focus my swirling mind on and partially because Tasuki seems so familiar with him. His hair is such an unusual dark gray color, and his eyes an even more unearthly yellowish color. I feel a bit unnerved by his presence and I force my eyes to look away. I almost feel unworthy to look at him.
At least Tasuki is still here. I grip the bundle in my arms tighter and bend myself over so that my chin barely touches the cool wood of the little box pressed to my chest. At least I haven't lost him yet. Not yet.
"Tansho."
Hearing him speak my name makes me suck in a deep breath. I force a smile to lighten the facade that I have already plastered on my face. I want to smile genuinely for him; I do so much. But I just can't; not when this creature that will eventually steal him away is so near me and mocking me with its rhythmical swaying. But a smile is a smile.
"Yes?" I answer him.
"I've talked with his Highness Hotohori and he has promised to have you escorted back to the tavern once me and the others are gone. He has also promised to send men to the tavern once a week to ensure your and the other women's safety. If Shingen dares to harm one of you, his Highness will make sure he never does it again," Tasuki says to me. His voice is so cold with his re-awakened anger and contempt for my master and pimp. His eyes glow in an ethereal light that makes me wonder what kind of power he truly holds in himself.
"He has also offered to prepare an apartment in the seraglio for you if you wish to remain here until I return. You would be taken well care of, Tansho, and if I.if I don't come back, His Highness has promised that you would continue to be taken care of." His voice has changed from coldness to sheer desperation. He wishes me to remain here in palace where he is certain I will stay safe and well. But I cannot abandon them, the women of the Black Dove, the others who are no different than me. They are the only family I know. They are my mothers and my sisters and my dearest friends. I cannot leave them to the mercies of our pimp when I have the chance to protect us all with a simple decree from the emperor.
Tasuki's fear for me is enough to splinter my heart into a thousand pieces. He has asked the assistance of the emperor himself for my sake, trying to ensure my safety when he cannot be with me. And even more moving to me is how I know his understanding of the love I have for my confidants at the brothel, and how I could not leave them--even for my own freedom.
"His Highness is most gracious," I reply quietly, "But you know my answer, Tasuki. I will gratefully accept his offer of protection for me and the other women of the brothel."
He only smiles sadly and leans into me to take the bundle from my arms.
"I knew you would say that, so the emperor already knows your answer. You will stay safe, and the others will as well," he says. He passes his bundle on to a servant, who quickly scurries onto the ship by way of the gangplank. The burning in his eyes diminishes, and I am put at ease by the softness that replaces it.
"Thank you," I whisper to him.
And once again I am amazed that he came to me somehow; to me and to no other. There were four other women in that tavern that night, but I was the one he chose to love. And there have been hundreds of men to lie in my bed, but he was the one I chose to lie with and love as well.
And now here we are, standing face to face and knowing that we are going to be separated from each other so soon after we just met. He is leaving me to fulfill his destiny as a warrior taken from a constellation in the sky, and I am remaining here to wait for him to come back.
I am taken out of my mournful reverie by an odd look on his face. His eyes are nervously glancing at the surging water below the ship, and his fangs bite at his bottom lip trying almost desperately to draw blood. His hands are unable to remain still. His feet shuffle. I suddenly realize that he is afraid.
"Tasuki," I say, resting my hand gently on his arm to try to get his attention, "What's wrong?"
He tears his eyes away from the sea to glance at me; but he can't meet my worried gaze.
"You mean he hasn't told you?" A near-by voice replies. I turn slightly and see Nuriko swaying up to us, his arms folded delicately across his chest-which I now cannot help but notice is flat. "Tasuki!!" he scolds, "You should have told her. Now she's going to worry about you even more!"
"Tell me what?" I ask, quickly becoming nervous myself. He is obviously unnerved by something-perhaps even afraid. The ship? Or the sea itself perhaps?
"Can you not swim?" I ask, suddenly understanding. The defeated expression that passes over his face tells me that I have spoken the truth.
"Oh he can swim--like a rock!!!" Nuriko chimes, patting Tasuki lovingly on the shoulder. "But don't worry, Tansho dear; I'll make sure he doesn't drown himself."
He waves happily to me and walks off towards his other companions, leaving Tasuki fuming with embarrassment and anger.
"Why didn't you tell me?!" I cry, almost infuriated myself. How dare he keep this from me, knowing good and well that he was going to be traveling by way of the sea?
"Because you have enough to worry about, that's why!" he retorts, "I sure as hell don't want you to be thinking of me drowning!"
I sigh heavily, knowing how right he is. He knew it would worry me, and he had wanted to keep it from me. And I don't blame him for it; knowing this about him has instantly heightened the feeling of dread in my abdomen. How in the name of the gods will I stay sane now, waiting for him to return?
But as always, the years of learning how to please and be pleased have been re-awakened in my mind yet again, and I find myself thinking of the day when he will return--of what we will be so desperate to do.
"There's one good thing about your not knowing how to swim," I say, my eyes darting to his alluringly. His face instantly brightens at my devious glance, making me grin madly.
"And what would that be?" he asks, slowly slipping a hand around my waist to draw me closer to him. I curl my hands over his shoulders, my precious wooden box grasped in one, a handful of his silky hair in the other. I rise up slowly on my toes to whisper in his ear.
"I get to have fun teaching you when you come back," I answer, falling back down on my heels and lifting my eyebrows to hint to him my thoughts.
He bursts into laughter when he finally registers my implications and swallows me in his arms, pressing me close to his chest. And I laugh with him, thankful that I've chased away his sadness momentarily-- even though everything inside of me is weeping mournfully.
A/N: Well, there you go, the momentous occasion of the continuation of "Tansho". I hope it's met everyone's expectations. Ohhhh *sniff sniff* It's almost time for Tasuki to leave!! But what will become of Tansho during his absence. Will the emperor's men be able to protect her and the other women while Tasuki is gone?? Or will Shingen find a way around it?? (I know he's an asshole...but I ingeniously made him that way for a reason) ^_^!!!
Anyways, thank you all so so so so so SOOOO much for the great reviews. Hopefully I will be able to work myself out of the angst soon (I'm kinda gettin' depressed myself every time I write). But that's what I get for developing such a sad storyline. Thanks again for putting up the utter sadness of this fic and for loving it like you do!! ^_^
