Rae's POV: Present Day

I watched Tomoeda disappear into a small spec as we sped away. Syaoran's face was stony from his encounter with Meiling. I also felt somehow guilty because of her last words. She was demented and tormented looking at the same time…we were both left disturbed, even Syaoran, who has been through so much in his life.

I wonder if Meiling's death was like losing an aunty you've always hated. Wishing that they'd disappear but when they do, you feel guilty and all the things you wanted to say to them suddenly resurrected in your mind.

There was staleness in the car. My heart was already sickly with the thoughts of leaving Tomoeda and Fanran and everything I had adapted too.

When Tomoeda disappeared I sighed loudly and decided instead of wallowing in my problems, I'd avert Syaoran's. He was only leaving Tomoeda because of me; I had to stop thinking about myself.

"I always meant to ask you," I said pressing my cheek against the cold window. "Where did my name come from?"

Syaoran blinked twice and scratched his head.

"Eh…to be honest I'm not sure. I never knew anyone called Rhaya before. As far as I knew, neither did Sakura."

I was a little disappointed but shrugged it off. I guess I'll never know the origins of my strange name…

X x x

Sakura's POV: 15 Years and Nine months ago

I had a strange, uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach as I packed away my things. My training gear, fake ID's, passports all sat on my table ready to be destroyed.

Clow had it all planned out for us. Toya and I would move to Europe and leave behind this messed up world we got dragged into. But it wasn't enough to settle me. I sat on my bed feeling uneasy.

From Yue's room a Russian dancer stepped through with her Yue's shirt on. I gritted my teeth ad looked away; I certainly wouldn't miss Yue that much, or his rendezvous with random girls. The Russian girl snarled her upper lip as if threatened my presence would lure Yue away.

I was surprised at how well Yue and I got on. He was still an irritating and annoying prick and the creaking of his bed springs against my wall every night made me more thankful I was moving away. The girl slammed the fridge door and returned to his room.

Still, I was smiling. Everything was going to be normal now, all thanks to Clow. He was going to take care of us. My mother, was taking care of us. I was going to live the life I always wanted to live.

…Without Syaoran.

There it was, the horrible queasiness in my stomach. I'd never see him again. Logically, it was exactly what I wanted. But…my life without him…would I ever meet anyone who loved me like that again? Would anyone kiss me like he did, love me, touch me like he did?

I bit my lip and suppressed the tightening of my chest at the thought.

Then, Yue stood at his doorframe with his mouth in the shape of a small 'o'. He was gawking at me, speechless.

"Yue-"

"Ssssshhhhhhh!" He said harshly and held his index finger at me while looking around the room suspiciously.

"What's wrong?" I asked feeling nervous as I tensed up.

Yue walked slowly into the room. His shirtless attire making me blush and look away. I, too, scanned the room with my heart pulsing. Was there someone here, watching us? Had I become so absorbed in the idea of leaving here that I didn't notice an intruder?

"Don't you feel that?" Yue asked widening his grey eyes and taking small steps towards me.

I shuddered. "No." My hands shook slightly. I'm usually good at sensing things like these; to be taken off guard disturbed me.

"You can't feel it?"

I shook my head, "Feel what?"

Yue put his finger to my lips and leaned in. "The sexual tension between you and I…"

Then his face combusted into laughter.

"Ugh! Fuck off Yue that freaked me out!" I fumed when I realised he was kidding.

He held his sides finding my gobsmacked state hilarious until, finally, I too grinned. Yue was the only person here who made me smile or laugh, even if his jokes were sexually thought out towards me.

He flopped onto the couch with a beer. He showed no shame in wearing only his jocks which I still felt uncomfortable about.

"It's a shame you're leaving without testing the springs in my bed."

I rolled my eyes; I've learnt to ignore his sexual remarks.

"But seriously, I'm glad you're getting out of here. It's just a shame that….." He broke off.

I knitted my eyebrows together. "A shame that what…?"

Yue breathed deeply, afraid to say anything more. My heart pulsed harder, I had a feeling I knew what this was about.

"The timing isn't great. I'm worried for you. Are you really ok with moving on when things in your life aren't…settled?"

I stiffened. Yue knew about Syaoran and I. I opened up to him and told him because I trusted him for some reason. I told him everything from loving him, to hating him. Yue already knew Syaoran's sins but…

I didn't think Yue would look into it so much.

"The timing couldn't be better. I'm done with him, with that part of my life. I'm moving on with my life and he has nothing to do with it!" I raised my voice.

"Who are you trying to convince?" He asked making me feel pathetic.

He seemed to see right through me. Who was I kidding…Syaoran, I always think about him. Despite what foul things Toya says about him, I feel I have to stick up for Syaoran despite….

How can this be? How can I not find the absolute hate I once felt for him?

Yue appeared by my side and wrapped his arm around me. He was never shy about touching me. He reeled me in so my head fitted into the crook of his neck.

"Trust me, it's going to be a lot harder to move on without seeing him. When you see him again, you'll know what to say. You'll know. You'll feel it here," He said pointing towards my heart.

I was taken aback by his sudden wisdom. I looked into his rainy coloured eyes for a long time. He stared back not letting me go for some time. I blushed when the gaze went on too long but I didn't look away. Yue was…a friend I really needed at this time.

He was kind and there for me in the strangest of ways.

In my vulnerable state I began to cry.

"What's wrong?" He soother, not pressuring me.

I began to babble. "I-I-I should be glad that I'm leaving b-but I'm afraid that I still….still love Syaoran. How can that be? I miss him so much but I can't look past what he did and-"

"Yue!" Said a sharp piercing tone.

I practically leaped to the other side of the couch when the Russian woman called him.

I wiped my tears so fast and composed myself in front of him.

"Forget what I said. I'm just emotional. Never mind me."

Yue eyes me suspiciously before I gave him a satisfying smile to reassure that I was ok.

Yue smiled and winked at me before kissing my hands in his usual flirty manner.

"Have a nice life Kinomoto, you of all people deserve it."

I smiled and thanked him as he smacked the woman's ass and dragged her into his room, thus reverting to his usual horny self.

X x x

Toya was late.

Our plane left in four hours and we still had to load bags in the car. I needed a distraction from the thoughts of Syaoran. I was scared, scared that maybe Yue was right, maybe I should see Syaoran one last time…

No!

I couldn't go back to Japan, not with Meiling still there.

I heard mumbling from the room at the end of the hall. A deep golden ray of light passed through the narrow opening of the door. I heard Toya's voice speaking rapidly and half panicked.

I walked over but stopped to over what was causing him to be frantic.

"Yes I know that but…yes I know but what am I supposed to do! I can't tell Clow he can't know about any of this." Toya paced back and forth biting his nails, the sweat on his forehead shining under the light.

What was he talking about? What could he possibly not trust Clow about?

"Please, I can't stay! No, no it's just me, I haven't seen Sakura in months."

I backed away from the door. My hand fluttered to my heart. Why was he pretending he didn't know me? Who was he speaking to that he had to abandon me?

"I-I-I just told Clow I don't have contact with you. Yeah I know I'm sorry but dad…"

My heart froze mid-beat.

Dad…Fujitaka….? He was talking to…our father? Our father who he told me he hasn't seen since that night mom died!? What was going on?

Toya stuttered into the phone for another few minutes before his shaky fingers hung up. He sighed and rubbed his forehead.

It was only when I pressed my gun to the back of his forehead and cocked it did he notice me.

"Why are you talking to Fujitaka?"

Toya gulped and racked his brain for an answer.

"Don't lie." I spat through my teeth.

"I-I-it's nothing Sakura, forget it, please."

"Take me to him."

"…No"

"TAKE ME TO HIM!" I barked with sudden anger boiling through me.

"It's not what you think. I didn't tell you because I want to protect you. Fujitaka….you don't want to know him Sakura, the real him…it would just kill you."

"Take me to him now Toya." I pushed the gun against his neck and he began to walk.

Syaoran was one part of my life to be dealt with….Fujitaka was another…

X x x

We walked for fifteen minutes in silence until we cleared the secluded part of Shanghai where I was living. The bright lights and bustling traffic faded into the background behind trees and smaller buildings.

We crossed a bridge and came to apartment blocks. But there was something strange about this place. There was greenery that sat in front of the polished gleaming windows of the apartment. They were modern and un-grimed by neglect

Even in the cold dark night I could imagine that this place was child-friendly, un-hostile and….nice.

Not the type of place I imagined Toya would lead me to our father.

"You really don't want to see him Sakura. It will only hurt you."

"Shut up." I couldn't help the sudden bitterness that came over me.

I was consumed with hate the familiarity of betrayal. "You told me you didn't know where he was. All this time you were working with him? He helped our mother to die have you no dignity!?" I fumed.

I was so ashamed of him. What could have driven him to work with Fujitaka?

"It's not what you think!?" He whirled around and narrowed his eyes. "I know what he did was bad but….but I had no choice! It was either that or die!"

"What are you talking about? You could have just left like Clow offered you!"

Toya snapped his mouth shut as if caught. "Yeah well, I thought I could you know…hack it here. I thought, instead of running, I'd make it here. Mom wouldn't have died for nothing."

I stood with my mouth gaping in awe. "Are you a fucking idiot! What is WRONG with you!? Clow offers you a way out and you say no to try to run with the underground scum here? Were you even going to leave with me? Or was that a lie too?"

"No. I have to leave!" He grabbed my shoulders. "I'm in trouble Sakura. I got in with the wrong people. People outside Clow. They want me dead!"

"Then go to the police."

"I can't half of the police in Shanghai are looking for me. I got stitched up. Dad was the only person who got me out of some of it. I had to work for him" His hands shook. "We need to leave Shanghai tonight. Somewhere far away, that's another reason Clow want me gone. He doesn't want me associated with them in case they get investigated. Please Sakura! Forget about Fujitaka, forget about all of this and just LEAVE!"

I pushed him away from me.

"So what if we leave here? They're still going to find you Toya no matter where you go! You can't hide out for the rest of your life! I'm actually not surprised at you Toya, I'm disappointed though. You were always a coward, always cowering towards Fujitaka."

Toya pushed me harshly and I hit the wall.

"You can't talk! As bad as I may be, you're the one fucking our mother's killer! Don't think I don't know about that!" He spat bitterly and it stung so bad.

I locked my jaw. He reminded me of Fujitaka for a minute, heartless.

"That's in the past Toya."

We glared at each other for the longest time. In the time we were apart, he changed. So did I. Maybe we just didn't recognise each other anymore.

By now we were outside a door. A tense atmosphere fell onto us.

"Open the door." I said coldly.

When he didn't move I snatched the key from his hands, unlocked the door and slammed it in his face.

When the room fell silent I turned around.

There were no words to fit what I saw. The apartment was so…normal. A couch facing a fancy flat screen t.v. Beige wallpaper, a vase of flowers, a bookshelf….

This couldn't possibly be the current home of my father. It was so well kept, so…homely.

I caught sight of a few pictures on the book shelf. As I walked forward I noticed more strange things, a popular Chinese teen magazine with a book mark on one of the pages, a pair of woman's shoes, oven mitts and other feminine things…

I picked up a frame and inspected it. I squinted. It was a picture of a woman with short curly hair in her forties. She was smiling, probably laughing and she held in her arms a little girl who was about ten. Her black hair was cut to her shoulders.

I couldn't make sense of this. I began to think I was in the wrong apartment. Then, my eye caught another photo. Only then did I realise the collage of pictures hanging on the wall.

My father, as I never seen him before. Smiling from with a happiness I've never seen before on a beach. He, the woman and the little girl were in nearly all of them. It was Christmas Day in one of them. Wrapping paper on the floor, smiles everywhere…

Then a sickening feeling crashed down on me.

Fujitaka never one spent Christmas with us, at home.

No, this woman….was she….and the girl….

Then, to confirm my horrible suspicious, my eyes landed on a picture.

My Little Princess.

The little girl was captured in the photo frame, a small plastic tiara on her head, and her eyes, like Fujitaka's.

No…there was no way; no way Fujitaka had another secret family.

He….he, no! Why, How!

Then finally, the penny dropped.

Fujitaka was never at home. Not one Christmas did he spend with us. The last of my birthday's he was present for was when I was ten. Never did he acknowledge me or Toya or show any signs that he recognised us as his children. No love between him and my mother. No happiness in our home.

I took the picture and with trembling knees I slumped against the wall and sank down. Shaky fingers, heart pulsing.

No wonder there was no love in our house, it was spent here, loving her, them. I traced her face. Small, pretty with beautiful eyes that was full of life.

Toya was right; this…this was too much. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. My hands began to sweat. Every memory of my father's relationship with me made my stomach turn.

Were we just not good enough, was I not good enough?

I bet this girl's eyes never witnessed domestic abuse, her ears never hear the screeches of her parents, her skin wasn't milky white like mine from being regularly punished to spend days in a cold dark closet. I bet she smiled every day, I bet she never knew sadness. I bet Fujitaka tucked her into bed every single night when he was here. I bet he was there every Christmas.

I bet she felt loved. I bet this home wasn't plagued with the memories of a miserable and dark childhood. Did she even know true pain? Did she ever see Fujitaka's true nature?

No, of course not. Her eyes, untainted and unstained by the evil that lies within my father.

I felt so much envy at that point. This girl has the life I should have had! It should be me who was normal! Why me? Why can't it be this girl who has her heart broken from child-birth? Why can't she be betrayed by family and someone she thought loved her only to betray her?

Why her! What made her so special and lovable? Why could he love her and not-

Click

The door opened behind me. I shot away from the body and slammed against the wall.

Fujitaka whistled as he walked in. His wet hair semi-matted to his face, his thick coat drenched. He pushed his glasses up so they met with the bridge of his nose.

"Anyone home? I got noodles, your favourite."

Still not noticing me, he peeled back his coat and placed the food on the table beside him. He ruffled his hair and pushed it from his eyes.

I rose from the chair and clenched my jaw. Whoever he was meant to be talking to, he sounded so cheerful and even giddy. I've never in my life witnessed him like this.

Then finally, his eyes fell onto mine.

We both froze.

Those times he used to lock me in the closet in the dark when I was a child was the worst. But funny enough, I use to dread being let out, dread seeing his face again, being locked for what felt like forever, enough time for me to try and forget his face, his deeds…but then he'd open the door again and there he would be.

His eyes, his glare.

This is what it was like.

After being kept in the dark for so long, there he was again. I was looking at his glare again, and crippled by it.

His smile evaporated and condensed into a crooked smirk.

The cheerful voice he once held became sly and cold, like I was an enemy.

"So, you're still alive." He half-laughed and walked over to the counter into the kitchen like my presence was just a nuisance.

He loosened his tie and looked back at me expecting me to comment. But just like my childhood, I was afraid, terrified to speak back to him. I was older now, not a child. I was a trained assassin but paralysed by events of my childhood.

"Why didn't you just die in that explosion like planned?" He scowled.

I took a step back with that crushing blow.

"T-that was you? You planned the explosion under my car? That was you!" I raised my voice and felt a lump in my throat.

I was suddenly plagued my horrible memories of that night.

"Somebody died that night in that explosion." I said meekly.

Why couldn't I be brave? Why couldn't I just confront him like planned? Rika died because of him! Because his attempt scarred her to her own suicide.

All this time I thought it was just another organization trying to take me out, but no, my own father tried to kill me but got Rika instead.

Though my face was horror stricken, Fujitaka just shrugged. He didn't care. None of this mattered to him; he just wanted me out of his life, out of his family's life.

"So how long?" I asked. "How long have you been living this life, with this family?"

He twisted his mouth. "What does it matter how long? What does any of this have to do with you?"

"It matters to ME!" I barked and raised my gun at him. My hands weren't shaking this time. "Did mom know? Why did you stay with us? You obviously didn't love us as much as you loved them!" I snarled and indicated to all the pictured of him and his family.

He loosened his tie further, his green eyes blazing now.

"You can't figure it out? Even after working for Meiling and them?" He laughed. "I never married your mother for love you idiot. It was for position and protection. Your mother was merely and escalation of my position in Li. Toya was only born to be my heir. You…" He snickered. "You were one of my mistakes. I'm still paying for it."

"Shut up!" I screamed regretting asking him.

"You're mother never loved me either. I tried with her but…she had eyes for someone else." He spat. "She didn't get over her rejection completely. I tried but…your mother was unlovable, especially when she loved someone else."

My face paled. My mother…loved someone else?

"You may blame me for my actions, but your mother drove me to them, she made herself unlovable and therefore, you. How was I supposed to love someone who I knew was thinking of someone else?"

"Who?" I whispered.

I was surprised when he shrugged.

"I never knew and I don't care."

He was so vile with the truth, so heinous.

"But this," He said looking around his apartment with a slight smile on his face. "This is my family, not you, not that insolent son of mine, just them!" He shouted picking up a photo frame of the woman and the girl.

"You are not my daughter, she is!" He said bitterly.

How can those words hurt me? I knew for a long time he never truly thought of me as his daughter but…it still hurt! Why was he having any effect of me?

"You're not going to kill me. Just like you didn't kill me in Dayaki." He smirked and bravely walked towards me until the tip of my gun. "Do you want to know why? Because you're still afraid of me. Because you're still the child who knows I can hurt you. Look at you Sakura, you're trembling. You're weak. It doesn't matter who trains you to be an assassin, or how long, you will always be afraid of me." His face was inches from mine.

My eyes never left his, my nerve was slipping. No, no I wasn't afraid of him, I wouldn't let myself be. I-I-I…..

His sly smile showed his greyish teeth, his neat hair began to fray and he once again became the demon that haunted my nightmares.

"Do you remember when I use to lock you in the closet Sakura? You do, don't you? All those hours in the dark, the coldness. Sometimes I use to forget you were there, did you know that? Hours would go by before you crossed my mind. Then when I would remember you, I'd laugh."

His dark laughed rung in my ears.

It was happening again, just like I Dayaki, I froze up. All the wanting to kill him slipped my nerve and was replaced by fear.

Then, for some reason Syaoran's voice circled my mind.

You are so much stronger then you think you are Sakura, don't ever doubt your greatness…

Syaoran…thinking of you for some reason gives me strength.

I held my gun up to his chest. He may not be a murder, but his sins stretch back a long way.

I stopped trembling, He would not get the satisfaction of hurting me again.

"I'm not afraid of you."

"Oh? Then do it. I dare you." He laughed doubting me.

I cocked the gun, a moment of hesitation, but my collage of awful memories clouded any doubts. He was just as bad as the others, just as vile. He was no better than any crook in Tomoeda.

I was ready to shoot, ready to get some vengeance for my mother-

"Daddy?"

Both Fujitaka and I jerked back and whirled our head towards the girl standing in the hallway. She rubbed her eyes in attempt to wake her sleepy self. Her shoulder length brown hair hung poker straight around her face. She pushed her hair back to reveal a young face of about twelve with wide and innocent brown eyes.

A few freckled dotted her cheeks and in her pyjamas she bit pulled on her baby pink sleeve.

"W-what's going on?" She stuttered when she noticed us, my gun.

She clasped her hands over her mouth, eyes wide in fear. I was an intruder with a gun in her home. A girl's worst nightmare.

Fujitaka completely changed. His mouth dropped and his eyes tensed in worry. He held his hands up to her in a motion that wanted to ease her worry.

"Nothing princess. Nothing to worry about, just go back to bed. I'll be fine."

His voice, it was so…protecting, so soothing to her, so kind that I was completely shocked to the core. There was no anger or bitterness in his voice when he addressed her.

He was so loving to her…

She looked at him seemingly a little calmer but with fear as she looked at me.

"W-who is that?" She pointed to me.

"Nobody sweetheart, she's nobody. Everything's going to be fine princess just fine."

I lifter my gun towards him with an anger, hatred and jealousy pumping into my veins. I was just a nobody, a bothersome presence in his pathetic life.

"No, everything is not going to be fine." I cocked the gun which made the girl scream. "Tell her who I am Fujitaka. Go on, tell her daddy."

The girl's mouth dropped and her hands fluttered to her white cheeks.

Fujitaka stuttered.

"Go on, TELL HER! Are you afraid? She doesn't know what you're like does she? DOES SHE!?" I barked.

"She has nothing to do with this leave her out of this Sakura she's completely innocent." He fumed.

"Innocent like I was?" I laughed.

My mood had changed to complete bitterness and the ugly side to me revealed itself. "I bet she doesn't know about your past does she? Well? Does she know what you use to be like with us? How you beat my mother? How you locked me up in the closet for hours and hours? How you use to hit us? How you let me be taken by one most notorious underground organizations in Tomoeda? How you never looked for me. How you planned moms murder. How you TRIED TO KILL ME!? Does she know about that DOES SHE!" I screamed.

The girl began to cry as she looked from me to Fujitaka.

Fujitaka gave me an icy glare. He really cared about this girl. He really….loved her.

"Daddy what does she mean? Why is she saying those things?"

"She's lying princess. Don't trust her, believe me sweetheart do you think I'd do those things? Look at me, would I do those things?"

The girl looked at his face which had cleverly moulded into a face of kindness. She shook her head. She believed him. Of course she believed, she's never in her life been a victim of his hatred.

"Don't you lie to her Fujitaka you tell her! Look at her and tell her you did all those things to me and mom. TELL HER! She deserves to know what sort of scum you really are." I spat through my teeth.

I was so infuriated how he manipulated this girl into believing him. She was being cheated. My step-sister….she was falling for his lies.

"Tell her!"

"Daddy what's happening!?" The girl whimpered and clung onto his sleeve.

He bent down to hug her. "Don't worry Rhaya, daddy will handle this, just go back to bed, I'll tuck you in later ok?"

"No, you won't." I said slowly and darkly which made him look at me. "You're right, she has nothing to do with this. It's between you and I. You die tonight Fujitaka. Face it like a man."

The girl wailed when I said that. Her eyes red with tears as her breathing became heavy and uneven.

"No stop it!" She wailed in utter fear. She was not use to seeing such a sight. She reminded me of myself. Innocent but forcefully dragged into this world. I was saving her from Fujitaka. From the crimed he would eventually commit and scar her.

She will never understand what I am doing for her.

Fujitaka then lunged at me.

I was distracted by the girl and taken off guard. He was physically stronger but not as agile. He manoeuvred the gun out of his direction and wrestled me to the wall. All the time the girl howled.

Fujitaka slammed me against the wall and I fell to the floor. He pinned me down and scrambled for the gun. He punched me several times until my vision became blurred and dizzy. We inflicted wounds onto each other, neither willing to surrender.

I can't die, I can't let him win! He will not kill me! All those things he did to me…I wanted revenge! Not just for me, I was fighting back for my mother, for all the times she had to back down from him. She protected me as best as she could. I would not let her down by dying by his hand!

BANG!

Quick, ill-though out, panicked were my actions. My heart raced at the unanticipated sound of my gun firing. The sound rang out making my stomach twist.

Then I heard a disturbingly familiar thud. My stomach dropped and my face paled within a split second.

Fujitaka's roar was so loud, so ear shattering that I froze. He lunged away from me and threw himself over her.

He kneeled in her spilt blood and picked her up into his arms.

"No, no, no, no, it's not meant to be like this. You were never meant to end up like this. No, my princess, my angel, my Rhaya…"

What have I done? What…what did I do?

The gun slipped from my hand.

I edged over, my heart rate had dropped so low I thought I would faint.

There, lifeless and as still as a grave, a body lay silent.

Her hair was brushed over her face and when Fujitaka pushed it aside her eyes were still and blank.

Only when I felt a small wetness on my knee did I look down and see deep red blood slither from her body. The bullet pierced clean into the side of her head.

"Oh…God." I chocked.

I killed her. I killed her! Oh God why!? H-h-how I, I didn't mean to it was an accident. I wasn't aiming for her! I felt winded, unable to breath.

She didn't even stir. The only other sound was the sound of the milk she spilt prior to death dripping onto the floor.

For the first time I saw Fujitaka cry. It was disturbing to see. His emotion poured out of him in the form of audible grief. He buried her head into his chest pleading with his dead body to resurrect.

Shocked, I feel into the chair beside him.

I couldn't think. H-how could this have happened?

Syaoran…is this how you felt? In those moments after you killed her…were you like this? Was I going through the exact same thing you were?

"My Rhaya…my Rhaya…" He grieved over and over again until I couldn't take it.

I bolted upright and walked towards them. He didn't stir as I towered over his crippled state.

"Why?" I asked. "Why was she so lucky?" Even in and insensitive moment like this, I couldn't shake these feelings of hate, jealousy and envy. "What made her so lovable over me? Over Toya and mom? Why was she so important to you? She was given a chance, why wasn't I?! Do you even care about what's happened to me? I would never have met Syaoran If it weren't for you! I wouldn't have gotten my heart ripped apart. I would be normal just like her!" I shook to the core.

I envied the sister I never knew. Envied her life.

Fujitaka's eyes turned sour. "Look at you! Look what you have done! Who could love you? You are your mother's daughter. Cold, and easily tainted. I never wanted you. I never wanted that life I had in Tomoeda." His voice broke. "I just wanted to be here, with them. My Rhaya, she was so pure. So innocent. LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!" He roared.

I took a step back and squeezed my eyes shut.

That's when I realized, just like my father and mothers marriage, I was doomed from the start. I was too much like my mother to him. My mother who never truly loved him. My father and I would never get along, destined to hate each other. Maybe I always knew this but never admitted it. Maybe inside me I always hoped that he'd show that he cared just a little…maybe I didn't want to accept that some people were just…bad.

"My princess…" He hummed in a disorientated state. "I bet your in heaven now; I'll see you again princess. I'll see you again."

I wiped my tears.

"No," I said coldly and faced him. "You won't see her again, not where you're going."

BANG!

I looked away as he slumped to the cold hard floor, now lifeless to this world.

He was dead.

Finally, he was gone. The room fell sickeningly silence. The whole apartment seemed to look down on me, unwelcoming me. I was too bad for this place, a killer unwelcome to this place. I was cold-blooded. I sickening feeling rose in my stomach.

But…why wasn't I satisfied. Why did I not feel the satisfaction I thought I would? I knew why, it was because of her. Rhaya also died in this awful, horrific revenge of mine.

I fell onto the floor. I couldn't even cry. I placed my gun at my side and hugged my knees. It suddenly became very cold.

Syaoran….I don't know why, but I really need you now. I need you to hold me, I need your warmth. I need you to tell me that it's going to be ok. I need you to distract me from this awful, awful sin I've committed.

I've killed my sister. She was so innocent, normal. I thought I was going to get sick but I was so numb that I didn't know how to react. I would have taken the gun to my own head at that moment had I not been paralysed in fear of myself.

Rhaya's body was curled inside Fujitaka's arms, like a father protecting his daughter should be.

Shakily I rose to my feet.

The door burst open and Toya fell in with his face flustered and confused.

"What the hell is happening here? I heard gunshots, the police are coming too what hap-"

He stopped when he saw the two dead bodies and my gun, still smoking. His hand shot into his head and he pulled his hair and bit down hard on his lip to stop from screaming.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God what have you done! You killed them both! What the- how, why Sakura!"

Numbly I placed my gun back into its holder and breathed deeply.

Toya panicked but kept his distance from the bodies. I thought he was going to get sick. His breathing was frenzied.

"Shit! We have to get out of here Sakura! We can still make our plane come on!" He grabbed my wrist and tugged me. His knees trembled like the coward I was recognising him to be.

"No Toya. We're not running away." I said in a dead tone.

"So you're just going to stay here? Confess to the police? Just leave Sakura they'll never know it was you if we go please!" He begged.

I knew he was only thinking of himself. All he wanted out of me was a personal body guard. He wanted to run from his crimes, I wasn't going to do that.

"No Toya."

"Then what are you going to do!?"

I sighed.

I've committed an unforgivable crime. To take my own life would be the easy way out. No, this was something I'd never forgive myself for. I will punish myself for this. I wouldn't stop until my suffering was unimaginable.

"I'll work for Clow. Do anything he says. I'll be his assassin. Kill other people like me. I will be a slave to the organization. I don't deserve freedom. I don't deserve the life mother wanted me to have."

"What about me!?" Toya asked desperately clutching my sleeve.

His forehead was breaking out in sweat.

"Fine!" He said suddenly. "I'll go by myself! You're on your own Sakura; I won't come back for you Sakura! I won't."

"Oh Toya." I said tiredly. "Neither of us deserves happiness. Do you really think fleeing China will free you? It doesn't matter where you go, they will find you. You'll waste what freedom you have left hiding and panicking looking over your shoulder until they find you. Trust me, they will. There is no life for you outside China or Japan. We've let our mother down."

"Then what do you suggest huh? Tell me if you have it all figured out." He said shaking.

"You will stay here. When the police come they'll arrest you on suspicion of murder. When they realise there is no murder weapon and no evidence of you committing the crime they will arrest you on your other charges and bad things you did. You will go to prison for a while, maybe ten years. We'll both suffer for what we've done. It's the only hope for us to be redeemed."

"And if I refuse?"

"You don't have a choice." I knocked him on the head with the back of my gun.

He fell unconscious and became still. When the police came, he'd be arrested. Cruel, I know, but I was protecting him. It was for his own good. Otherwise they'd find him and kill him. Toya, in the short time we've been reunited I've discovered your true nature. I shouldn't play God over your life but…this was best for you. I have concluded...you are too much like our father, not enough like our mother.

We're both terrible people. This punishment isn't harsh enough for us.

As the sound of police sirens neared I slipped out of the apartment block unseen.

Numbness coursed through me as I walked through Shanghai's streets.

Yes, I would work for Clow. Work and hate every minute of it. Hate myself for my crime, punish myself until I become so cold and so numb that it becomes a part of me and happiness would be something I use to know.

I won't forgive myself.

I never will.

I began to understand how Syaoran felt. Did he also feel this way? When he gave me the opportunity to kill him was it really a plea to end his suffering. He was in love with me, did that make it worse?

Syaoran…maybe it's time our paths crossed again. I want to confront you. I don't know what I want to say to you, nor you to me but…maybe Yue is right. Maybe in my heart, I'll just know…

In the most horrific of circumstance I finally began to empathise with Syaoran. But…did I forgive him when I couldn't forgive myself?

Coldness consumed me. The girls face circled in my head.

Rhaya…that was a nice name…

X x x

Eriol's POV: Present Day

To be in her old apartment in Tomoeda must have been a nostalgic, yet painful feeling.

Sakura slithered into the apartment tight against the walls silently. Cloaked in darkness she listened for any signs of life.

Syaoran…how you've managed to take Rhaya away from Sakura again I will never know. Maybe you're determined to hurt Sakura for hiding her from you, or maybe, you genuinely love her to the point no matter where Sakura takes her you'll find her. Either way, Sakura will taking her back for her own sake.

"They're not here, they've left." I said.

She didn't seem taking aback by my silent presence.

She revealed herself.

Face as hard and as cold as ice. Eyes, full of suffering she came into the light of the dimly lit kitchen where I sat drinking scotch, polishing my gun.

Sakura smiled crookedly, her faint moon shaped scar came into view.

"Where?" She asked not bothering to inquire as to how I escaped back to Japan.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Now, why should I tell you that?"

"Because Eriol, you owe me one. If it wasn't for me you'd still be rotting in a dark dungeon back in Shanghai. Now tell me, where are they?" She spat.

I grinned. "How cold you have become Sakura. The life you once had sixteen years ago has been completely drained from you. Your suffering must be deep. I guess that just shows how good Clow is."

"I wouldn't have to be here if Rhaya stayed where I left her."

I looked at my hands. This was difficult for me to say. She obviously didn't know, how could she?

"Tomoyo is dead. Takashi killed her." I said in a dead tone.

Sakura's grin evaporated and the first piece of emotion finally showed itself in her eyes. Her green eyes plummeted into despair and confusion. I could tell she wanted to ask questions, but she was not here for this mission. Tomoyo was a good friend to Sakura, to the point she entrusted her to raise her daughter. Sakura has lost so much, I could empathise.

She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut, mentally telling herself that it was a discussion for another day.

"Please, Eriol. I need to find her. I have to protect her."

"What make you think Syaoran isn't doing that? As much as you hate the thought Sakura, Syaoran loves that girl more than anything. He will do everything in his power to protect her." I said.

"If that were true Eriol then he would have been there from the start." She said biting her lip.

There was a hidden meaning there that I could not pick up on. There was something drastic that happened between her and Syaoran. After the revelation that he killed Nadeshiko, after she was sold off to Clow. Something else happened that widened the rift between them to the point where Sakura convinced herself she hated him.

But that was not for me to find out.

"If you want to find them, they are in the valley where Rhaya grew up. Leave now, you will catch them."

Sakura nodded with deep thought and turned to leave.

"Sakura," I called out before she left.

"Why do you really want to find her? It's not to protect her; you know Syaoran will do that. Stop lying to yourself. Syaoran does not hate you, Rhaya does not hate you, they just don't understand you. This wall you have built around yourself, it's preventing you from speaking what you truly feel. Rhaya is a loving child. She will accept you no matter what. Let her in Sakura, then maybe even you can be happy again."

Sakura stood frozen. A small smile curled on her lips.

"In a way you've always been good to me Eriol. I'll remember that before the war starts."

With that, she left silently like a ghost, no evidence she was ever here.

Sneaky and cat-like, Kayami skulked around the wall revealing herself. Her head was cocked to the side in deep thought. Her hair was loose around her shoulders and her face smooth, as if it came to a conclusion.

"Interesting." She said commenting on the conversation Sakura and I had.

"Don't even think about it Kayami. Leave them be."

Kayami pouted and placed her hands on her hips.

"I don't know what you're talking about Eriol. How nice, they're all having a family reunion." She walked by me and picked up her car keys, jingled them and winked at me with intentions of following Sakura.

"You know Sakura will kill you as soon as she lays eyes on you." I called out to her.

Kayami flicked her hair over her shoulders and pouted her lips before applying raw red lipstick onto them.

"I'm not going for Sakura. Should anything get out of hand, I'll be Syaoran's secret bodyguard. Wouldn't want a bloodbath at the reunion now would we? Honestly Eriol," She said winking again. "You think I'm some sort of bunny boiler?"

I shrugged. Kayami can do what she liked. It would be her funeral…

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Hope you enjoyed!

College exams are almost over so hopefully posting soon! Only a few more chapters left :'(

I kinda wanted to explain where Rhaya's name came from and why Sakura never left Clow in the one chapter!

There's one last big event between Sakura and Syaoran's past yet to be revealed!

R&R! :)