Yet another glorious chapter! Sorry it took a while...again. But I worked hard to get it posted tonight. Anyhow, so hopefully i'll have Wi-Fi at home soon so updates won't take so damn long. Seriously. anyhow~
Enjoy~
chapter 29
Half way through the summer, the thought of Izaya having to leave had crossed through Shizuo's mind more than it should have. He tried to ignore it, of course, but he could only keep his mind off of it for so long, after all. He didn't dare bring it up, though, he knew better. He didn't want to think about it more than he already was, after all; that would only leave to those dark thoughts again. So, Shizuo spent a lot of his days with either Izaya and the family, Izaya himself, Shinra and the others, or his brother. Summer was almost a repetitive blur, though it was one the blonde welcomed easily. After everything, repetition was a nice change.
On this day, he was alone in the house. The family had left to take the girls to visit their grandmother and Izaya, not wanting to cause Shizuo any unneeded nervousness, had suggested Shizuo stay home.
"Relax a bit. Take a hot bath, watch some anime, sleep. Do whatever you want to." Izaya had told him.
Shizuo was still in bed when noon rolled around. Heaving a heavy sigh, Shizuo sat up and flipped open his phone. There was a text from Izaya waiting and, with a small smile, he read it.
The girls miss you like crazy! Well, I do too. We'll be home in a few hours. You better be relaxing!
Shizuo chuckled softly and set his phone aside, getting out of bed. Stretching, and hearing his back crack, Shizuo yawned and made his way to the bathroom. A hot bath sounded nice, if he were to be honest, so he started running the water. He heard his phone ringing and groaned, walking back to his room and grabbing it before hurrying back to the bathroom.
"Hello?" He answered, forcing back a yawn.
"Shizuo," Kasuka sounded as apathetic as usual. "Are you ok?"
Shizuo blinked before puling his shirt off, awkwardly because he was only using one hand. "Yeah...why wouldn't I be?"
There was a pause on Kasuka's end. "...I had a feeling, that's all. What are you doing? Are you with Izaya?"
Shizuo stripped the rest of the way, holding the phone tightly as he got into the tub. He let out a soft sigh as the hot water touched his skin. "No, he's with his family. I'm alone relaxing. What are you doing?"
Kasuka made a sound that was almost a sigh. "Nothing. Dad's in a mood again, so I went to a friends."
Shizuo frowned a bit. "...He hasn't hit you, has he?"
"Like he'd ever." Kasuka scoffed. Then, after another pause, he spoke again. "...Are you going to move in when Izaya leaves? For sure?"
Shizuo seemed to tense a bit, closing his eyes. "...That's the plan, Kasuka."
"Are you sure?" His brother's voice had gotten softer, worried. "Why not just go with-"
"I've had this conversation with everyone already," Shizuo snapped, his free hand pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm not leaving Ikkebukuro so just drop it."
"I'm just trying to help you see what's best for you." Kasuka stated calmly. "It's not good for you here at home, you know that. You'd be a lot better off if you just went with him..."
"I'm not leaving just to have a new city hate me like they do here." Shizuo snapped. "I'll talk to you later." He hung up before his brother could say another word and tossed his phone aside. He sunk down into the tub, irritation radiating off of him. He tried to force the thoughts back but by now they were over flowing.
What would happen when he moved back home?
What would happen between him and Izaya?
...Would they stay together?
Shizuo had to sit up, shaking his head free of those thoughts. He let the tub fill up and shut the water off. Leaning back again, Shizuo ran a wet hand through his hair and sighed. Still a bit tired and a tad irritated, Shizuo felt his eyelids begin to grow heavy. He yawned, getting comfortable and dozing off.
Izaya was quite proud of himself. He had managed to talk his parents into letting him come home early, which gave him alone time with his lovely blonde. Walking into the house and kicking off his shoes, Izaya hurried for the stairs. "Shizu-Chaaannn~"
He expected to find Shizuo in their room, but he pouted when there was no sight of his boyfriend. He lingered in the hall way for a moment before noticing the light streaming out from under the bathroom door. Grinning again, he tip toed over and, quietly, eased the door open. He was more than a little surprised to see Shizuo fast asleep in the tub of warm water. He couldn't help but chuckle softly, slowly walking over.
Izaya studied the sleeping boy, taking in everything he could. He liked watching Shizuo sleep, weather it was creepy or not. Shizuo was always so calm when he slept, so peaceful. Smiling again, Izaya reached out to run his hand through Shizuo's slightly damp hair. "Shizuo..."
Shizuo frowned slightly in his sleep, his brown eyes blinking open slowly. "W-what...? Izaya?" He sat up a bit, rubbing an eye. "What're you doing here?"
"I came back early." Izaya shrugged, kneeling by the tub and smiling a bit. He tilted his head to the side. "You know that falling asleep in the bathtub is dangerous, ne? You could drown."
Shizuo rolled his eyes and nodded absently. "I know."
Izaya gave a soft chuckle. "It isn't like you to fall asleep while taking a bath."
Shizuo shifted and frowned a bit. "I got irritated and tired."
"Irritated?" Izaya echoed. He frowned just slightly. "Irritated at what?"
Shizuo sighed and looked away, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Kasuka called...the conversation irritated me, that's all."
Izaya huffed softly. "What did you two talk about?" He urged, tugging at a strand of Shizuo's damp hair. "Tell me."
Shizuo looked back at Izaya and sighed a bit. "We talked about you going off to school and me moving back in with him and my parents, ok?"
Izaya fell silent, looking away now. He frowned a bit and bit his lower lip. Not wanting to wait for an answer, Shizuo pulled the plug in the tub and stood up, grabbing his towel from the hook on the wall and wrapping it around his waist. He walked out of the bathroom and Izaya sighed heavily. "Damn it..."
Izaya stood and followed Shizuo into their room. "I suppose now is a good time to talk about this."
"No, it isn't," Shizuo snapped, rifling through their closet for clothes.
Izaya crossed his arms as he watched the blonde, feeling the uneasiness radiating off of him. He sighed and looked down at his feet before looking back up again. "Shizuo."
"Don't," Shizuo stopped, keeping his back to Izaya. He grit his teeth. "Don't say my name like that, damn it."
Like Izaya was serious, like Izaya himself was ready to break. Shizuo hated that.
Izaya stepped closer, stopping behind the blonde. The low tied towel on Shizuo's waist revealed parts of scars and Izaya ran his finger tips over them. Shizuo stiffened but didn't say anything. When Izaya spoke, his voice was soft. "Summer ends in a little less than a month, Shizuo...we can't just try to save this talk for then."
"I don't want to talk about it!" Shizuo snapped. He still refused to look at Izaya, to turn towards him. He shook lightly. "There's nothing to talk about..."
"Like hell," Izaya muttered. "Look at me."
Shizuo didn't move. Izaya made a frustrated noise. "Shizuo, please, look at me baby, please."
Shizuo sighed softly at the desperate tone in his lover's voice. He didn't like the atmosphere in the room. It was tense and nervous and agitated all together and it made him shake harder. He turned to face Izaya, frowning. "There isn't anything to talk about." He repeated.
Izaya reached out, placing a hand on Shizuo's cheek. "I know you better than that, you know, you big idiot. We need to have this talk."
Shizuo looked away again. Izaya moved past him to the closet, pulling out a pair of jeans and handing them to Shizuo. Shizuo took them and then a shirt offered by the raven haired teen. Shizuo dressed quietly, keeping his back to Izaya again. The air was still tense, and neither boy seemed ready to speak first. Frustrated, once he was dressed Shizuo turned on the computer for music, unable to handle the unnerving silence. The moment the rock music started to play it was as if Izaya's trigger had been hit. "You think I'm not upset about this too?" He snapped.
Shizuo looked over his shoulder. "I never said you weren't upset about it."
"Well you're acting like it's only been bugging you," Izaya hissed. He didn't mean to sound so snippy, he really didn't. He had been trying to avoid this too, and apparently it hadn't done well for him to just bottle all this up, either. "I'm not happy about this either."
"You should be," Shizuo snapped back. "You're going to a school you've been wanting to go to, Izaya. It's good!"
"It's no good if you're not there," Izaya stressed. "I can wait another year to go, Shizuo."
"No, no, no," Shizuo's eyes narrowed. "You're going, damn it."
Izaya pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's no big deal, Shizuo."
"The fuck it isn't," Shizuo snapped over the loud music. "I'm not letting you ruin your future over me!"
"You are my future!" Izaya yelled.
Shizuo didn't respond. From the computer, a guitar, loud and fast, started to play. Shizuo looked away entirely. Izaya cocked his head to the side. "Don't ignore me."
"Shut up and listen to the damn song," Shizuo snapped, turning his back to his lover once more.
The music played and Izaya crossed his arms, taking a deep breath as the singer started to sing.
I've given up on giving up slowly, I'm blending in so
You won't even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
Izaya threw a glance at Shizuo. The blonde had sat down on their bed, his back still to Izaya. Izaya sighed just barely and continued to listen, leaning back against the wall.
And I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I've been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going because
I gotta get outta here
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging You to be my escape
Izaya blinked at the words, letting them settle in. Slowly, Shizuo glanced over his shoulder to let his tired eyes meet Izaya's. Izaya's irritated expression melted away in an instant.
I'm giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I've failed and I'm ready to be shown how
He's told me the way and I'm trying to get there
And this life sentence that I'm serving
I admit that I'm every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
The song reminded him terribly of Shizuo and he pushed off the wall, slowly walking over to stand by the bed. He didn't speak or sit down, just stood calmly and stared back at Shizuo, who stared at him over his shoulder.
Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I've been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I'm afraid that this complacency is something I can't shake
I gotta get outta here
And I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging You to be my escape.
Shizuo tore his gaze from Izaya, looking down at his hands in his lap. His heart was thudding wildly still from their almost fight and he didn't like it one bit. Izaya didn't, either. Shizuo turned around slowly, wrapping his arms around Izaya's tors and hiding his face in the other's shirt.
I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I've made
And all I'm asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can't ask You to give what You already gave
Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I've been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going because
I've gotta get outta here
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I've gotta get outta here
And I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging
You to be my escape.
Izaya ran a comforting hand through Shizuo's hair, the smallest of smiles forming on his lips.
I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You
So were You
The music ended and Shizuo held Izaya a little tighter. "...That song reminds me of you."
"I can see why," Izaya murmured softly. He took a step back and lifted Shizuo's chin, smiling a bit. "I'm your escape?"
Shizuo nodded very slowly, looking down again. Izaya's smile fell a bit. "That's all the more reason for me not to go to college right now, Shizuo..."
"Stop," Shizuo murmured, looking up. He was smiling, though Izaya knew it was probably forced. "I'll be fine, Izaya."
Izaya almost rolled his eyes as he sat on the bed by the blonde. Running a hand through his hair, he fought down his agitation. "I don't like the idea of you being in that house with that fucking man, Shizuo."
Shizuo stayed silent for a few moments. He ran a hand through his hair, too, and finally, after some time, spoke. "...I'll be ok. I'm not...as weak as I was before." He had started to absently trace the scars littering his wrists as he spoke. "At least, I don't think I am. You...made me stronger...less afraid." He turned his mocha eyes on Izaya and smiled a bit. "I'll be ok, Izaya, really. It's because of you that I was able to get this far."
Izaya looked down a his lap, a frown on his face. He didn't like being nervous, especially about these sort of things. He took a breath and nodded, just barely. "...Since I doubt no amount of pleading will help me win this case...I'll just have to trust you on this." He reached out and took Shizuo's arm, running his thumb over the blonde's wrist. "...What scares me is I might not be able to stop more scars from forming, Shizuo."
Shizuo pulled his hand free, instead gripping Izaya's chin and pulling him into a soft, quick kiss. Izaya looked less than amused, but he seemed a bit less anxious. Shizuo smiled at him again. "Have a little faith in me..." Though he doubted even himself, he wouldn't let Izaya worry.
Izaya sighed, shaking his head with the smallest of smiles. "I have so much faith in you that it's crazy." He ruffled Shizuo's hair and sighed yet again. "...We have a few more weeks of summer left. I say we enjoy them to the fullest."
"Then let's make some actual plans," Shizuo shrugged. He thought for a second, glad the tense conversation had passed. "We can go do stuff with Kasuka and the others...I know Kururi and Mairu wanted us to take them to the Zoo in the next town over, and we still owe Shinra a couple days worth of video games."
Izaya smiled, though it felt forced. He was glad the summer would be busy, don't get him wrong...but a busy summer meant it went by faster. The last thing Izaya wanted was that. The idea of leaving Shizuo in Ikkebukuro when school started horrified him, and he hated himself for it but the first thing that came to mind when he thought about it was walking in on Shizuo cutting that time he stayed over for the weekend. That memory was branded into his mind and he hated it. He couldn't bear the thought of Shizuo doing something like that again while he was away...while he couldn't protect him.
Standing, Izaya smiled and pulled Shizuo to his feet. "Well, let's start making plans, ne?"
Shizuo nodded, though part of him was still on edge. Izaya leaving for school wasn't particularly okay with him, but what kind of lover would he be if he let Izaya pass up this opportunity? Shizuo wasn't weak, or at least he wanted to think as much. They had cell phones, emails, video chats...it wasn't as if they wouldn't talk.
But Izaya wouldn't be there the nights he couldn't sleep. He wouldn't be there at lunch or there to walk him home. The idea terrified him, but he couldn't let Izaya know.
Feels are coming. Please don't hate me guys! Anyhow, the song they were listening to was "Be my Escape" by Relient K. It's actually the song that inspired this fic like eons ago sooo.. next chapter as soon as I can guys. I'm working on it. Feelings are gonna be destroyed...but you all love me so don't worry. It'll end happy! Reviews please!
