July 2000

She was scared and was insecure. She was the woman he loved deeply. She was his wife Calleigh Duquesne Caine. A woman he had always admired for her strength. No she was insecure and unsure and afraid. He would do everything in his power to take those feelings away from her. He wanted to protect her, even if it was just from her memories.

She had filled the complete book he had given her, by now. The emotions were there and they needed and outlet just like the memories and feelings needed it, too. The writing seemed to help her. It enabled her to express her feelings. He had not learned a lot of new things, as she was writing the things down which she had told him, but with more details.

He was not very much interested in learning more. No. He just wanted her to express her feeling and to stop her from keeping them hidden, for too long, because it would hurt her one day. He wanted her to work through her past. And by allowing him to read the book she was letting him have an insight into her past and into her family history. He was very grateful for that.

It hurt him very much that he needed to talk to her in detail about their current case, because it involved a family. It involved a father and his teenage daughter. He was the owner of a little store in one of the poorer neighborhoods from Miami and he seemed to be involved into cartel activities. He hated these cases with a passion, but he could only imagine how Calleigh was going to hate this case.

He found her where he thought he would. She was in the gun vault. She was cleaning her guns. "Sweetheart!" she turned around and smiled at him gently which he returned with a gentle smile. She walked to him and closed the gun vault and then leaned up to give him a kiss. He followed her to her desk and noted that she seemed to have no idea about the case yet.

"Sweetheart I need to talk to about our current case." She looked up at him and sensed that there was more to it. "There is a case down in cartel regions that was called in and needs our attention. It is about the owner of a little coffee shop. He and his daughter are originally from Mexico. His wife was stabbed. She leaved behind her little girl and her husband."

The moment he told her they had a little girl he could read the pain and shock on her face. He hated to be the bearer of bad news. But he also saw it as an advantage because he could see the tell tale signs of distress she was able to hide from everybody else. She was playing with her hands. "Calleigh you do not have to work this case if you are afraid of getting too involved emotionally." She looked up at Horatio and knew that he was just worried and concerned but she did not want to stay back when the rest of the team was working this case. She did not want the team to know that the case was affecting her.

Calleigh nodded at him. "I am going to be alright Horatio." He could hear a little insecurity in her voice but let it go for now knowing that it was useless to talk to her about it. She was determined. She wanted to work this case and he was not going to keep her from it.

The case was more complicated then they had thought at first but in the end they were happy that the little girl still had her father.

After finishing the case Calleigh was sitting in the sitting area of the lab with the ADA Janet Madrano. They were friends since university. Janet had been 2 years ahead of Calleigh but they liked each other from the beginning and become friends. Calleigh and Janet both believed in what they were doing. "So Calleigh; are you ever going to introduce me to your family. I mean now that you know who my family is…." Calleigh faltered when Janet talked about her family. She had never told her what she had told Horatio, even though Janet had known her longer.

She was unsure what Janet was going to say. "Ahm. Well I still have 4 great-grandmother´s, 2 great-grandfather´s and 2 grandparents. They are living with Horatio, me and the kids. I think it would be alright if you met them, but I am going to have to warn you. They are very old and some of them are pretty ill."

Janet had just looked at her after Calleigh had told her who was still there from her family and was surprised that she did not mention her parents. When Calleigh looked at her again after finishing she saw something on Janet´s face that was a mixture of concern and shock. But there was also something else. Something she could not pinpoint at the moment. Calleigh closed her eyes against the sensation to flee and find the next gun she could fire at targets.

Damn her. Why did she have to tell her about her family? What was she going to do or say now?

While Calleigh was still sitting there with closed eyes, unsure how to get out of this whole situation Horatio had joined them, wanting to pick up Calleigh so they could get the boys and could go home. When he entered the area where they normally talked with family members who had lost someone, he knew that something was off. Calleigh was sitting next to Janet.

She had her eyes closed and was kneading her right hand. Her body seemed to be tense. Janet was looking at her with an unsure, worried and concerned expression. He knew that something was totally off. He walked till he was in front of the women and then knelt down. He placed a hand on top of Calleigh´s. "Sweetheart look at me." She knew that it was Horatio´s voice and that it was useless to keep her eyes closed.

When she looked at him she had a look full of pain and sorrow. Her eyes were empty and her cheeks were pale. Dammit what happened here? Was the thought that immediately popped up in Horatio´s mind.

He turned to Janet while still holding Calleigh´s hand. "Janet?" he asked needing answers. His voice was full of concern. Janet was stopped from answering by Calleigh. "Horatio…." She said quietly and he turned around to look at her again. He looked at her with loving eyes that made her tear up. She turned to Janet. "Janet do you mind joining us for dinner tonight?" Janet looked at Calleigh for a minute and then nodded.

Horatio was still clueless about what had happened but had accepted Calleigh´s wish to have Janet over for dinner. Janet was following them in her care as they were now on their way home after picking up the boys. Horatio was holding Calleigh´s hand. "What happened in the area, Calleigh?" she unconsciously tightened her hold on his fingers. "I met Janet at the university and never told her one thing about my family. She did not even know that my mother was dead when I met her." Calleigh looked at him with a pained face.

"She asked me when she would get to meet my family now that I had met her family. So I told her that most of my great-grandparents were still with us and that I still have a grandfather and a grandmother and that they were living with us." He nodded knowing that it must have been hard to admit that to Janet, even though she was her best friend.

When they arrived at the Caine house Horatio and Calleigh took the boys inside and were closely followed by Janet. During dinner the family and Janet tried to put on normal faces for the boys. After the boys had been brought to bed the couple and Janet settled in the living-room. Calleigh knew that her best friend deserved the truth, or at least as much as she could tell her. She hated that she had to do it, but it was too late to hide now. With Horatio´s hand firmly between her two hands and his other arm wrapped around her shoulder Calleigh brought up the courage. "Janet a lot of things happened in my past and are still happening. Things you do not know about. Things no one knows about. I never had the happy family every child dreams of. I dreamed of it and would have done everything to have but I certainly did not have it myself."

Calleigh snuggled into Horatio. "What happened Calleigh?" she knew that she had to answer Janet´s question. "I never told you how I grew up. I realize that now." Janet just nodded. "I had a normal childhood for the first few years." Horatio pulled her more towards him, knowing this would be difficult. "Well let´s just say I did not have the ideal childhood after that. When I met Horatio I only had my great-grandparents, my grandparents and my father. Well he is not with us anymore as you might know." She turned deeper into Horatio and tried to shield herself from the bad memories.

Janet had been watching her the whole time trying to figure out what happened. She had gathered that Calleigh does not have her parents anymore but that seemed to be all Calleigh had said. Horatio could read the concern on Janet´s face. He knew that she was concerned but hell what could you expect. Calleigh suddenly pulled out of his embrace and left them sitting in the living-room and fled. When Horatio heard the family-room door and sighed in relieve. He now turned his attention to Janet.

"What happened to the Calleigh I know?" he sighed. "Janet the Calleigh you thought you know has always been her mask. There has never been that Calleigh. She has had it bad and she always put on a mask to protect herself. Trust me it is not easy for her." Janet nodded and thought about everything she had seen and heard.

"Horatio what does all this mean?" he looked at Janet knowing she deserved answers. "Janet she told you because you asked about meeting her family. She probably would not have told you if you would not have asked. Our live has had it´s obstacles. We manage but it sometimes is difficult and Calleigh needs our love more than anything else." Janet looks at his serious face and nods.

Before she can answer Calleigh re-joins them and sits down next to Horatio again. "My father died one year ago after having been in a coma for 2 years and 8 months after a car accident." She leans into Horatio accepting his arm around her shoulders. "Calleigh I am sorry about your father." When Janet leans forward a little to embrace Calleigh she recoils even deeper into Horatio´s embrace and hides her face in his chest. Janet nods and tells the couple that she will leave now to give them some time alone.

After Janet has left Horatio is still holding Calleigh in a hug and she still has her face hidden in his chest. "Calleigh sweetheart please do not shut me out." Few minutes later she slowly moves back and looks into his concerned eyes. "You did good Calleigh. I am proud of you." She nods and looks down. "It still is hard to talk about it. I just hope I do not have to talk about it again." Horatio nods leans forward and kissed her temple. She snuggles into his chest again for comfort. Horatio knows that every person grieves in a different way.