A/N Miss me?!

I'm sorry it's been so long. My Rayne muse just hasn't been playing ball. I started writing a chapter months ago after receiving a cool prompt (hi, Togapika!) but then completely stalled. (I will go back and finish it at some point. I'm hoping this chapter will help kickstart my Rayne writing, but all suggestions/scenarios are gratefully received.)

Then a random self-prompt popped into my head - really it was just a single weird phrase - and I suddenly wrote three quarters of what's below in one sitting.

My muse is weird.

Really hope you enjoy. All Mandarin translations can be found at the bottom.

As for the title: I'm sorry!

I couldn't resist.

:)


Purr-fect

Jayne woke from his semi-comatose doze to the sound of someone stepping on a bag of cats.

He blinked drowsily, eyes slow to focus in the low light afforded by the fire.

(Truth to tell, they were also slow to focus thanks to the near quart of moonshine he'd downed before falling asleep.)

After a few moments, his ears informed him that they weren't, in fact, cats he was hearing; felines didn't usually cuss in Mandarin in-between yowlin' and growlin'.

He rose to his feet (only a little unsteadily) and wandered over towards the trees lining the space he'd pitched camp in. (Or pitched over in. Same difference.)

He peered muzzily at the girl staring down at him, somehow unsurprised at her presence.

Used to creep him out – her staring at him with those dark, lost eyes, full of secrets. But the secrets had been told, and more and more often these days they were full of laughter.

Not right now, though.

Right now they were flashing with temper... and wide with panic.

He tilted his head with mild curiosity, wondering what burr had gotten in her britches.

He had his answer seconds later, when she yanked at her hair – hair that had somehow become entangled in the branches above her.

She released one part, went to step away, and was brought up short – literally – by the fact there was another part still attached.

She made another sound of stepped-on exasperation. If she had had a tail, it would have been lashing.

Jayne started to grin.

"What you doin' up there, xiǎo māo?"

River gave another sharp tug and finally pulled herself free.

Ignoring his question, she started climbing down the tree, gracefully moving from branch to branch, making no sound. River was always graceful, but right now she looked like she had something to prove.

She dropped down in front of him and then straightened up, trying to look indifferent; his eyes roamed up and down, taking her in.

"You look like a skunk that's been dragged by its tail. Ain't xiǎo māo meant to be clean?"

She raised a hand to her head and grimaced at the leaves and muck.

"The foliage is friendly. It hugs too closely."

She was talkin' all bendy. Prob'ly from embarrassment. She'd gotten better at talkin' straight since she shifted that Miranda gǒu shǐ out her head.

Luckily, Jayne was feelin' a mite bendy himself, so he understood her just fine. (He should possibly be concerned about that.)

He spoke with vague interest. "Could straighten it out for ya, if'n you want."

River was staring at him like he'd suggested something strange, but Jayne was drifting in that pleasant pink land where outside thought rarely intrudes, and everything seems like a good idea at the time.

She tilted her head. "Using what?"

He extended his hands, palms out. "They ain't no ivory comb, but they get the job done."

A voice whispered that this might not be the best idea – something about having the Moonbrain too close leading to pain, either from her or from crew – but he dismissed it as unimportant.

He sat back down next to the fire and patted the ground between his legs. The girl's face lit with a level of joy that briefly gave him pause again, but any caution was quickly drowned out by the rest of him noting how shiny River was when she smiled like that.

She sat between his legs, facing the fire, and swept her hair off her shoulders so that it fell down in front of him, a river of black marred with yellow and brown.

Her hair was on the wild side at the best of times, but this was somethin' else.

He plucked a hank of hair away from the rest and started methodically stripping the leaves and twigs embedded in it.

The world might be a little hazy but Jayne Cobb could disassemble and reassemble an M4 carbine in under thirty seconds; this kind of task was child's play.

Thoughts, on the other hand were definitely slower, taking their time to flow.

He'd worked his way through half her hair before it occurred to him that River was alone, with no sign of the others.

"How comes you were up a tree, xiǎo māo? Why ain't you with the others?"

"They hold their own celebrations," she replied. "Some in a similar fashion to yours." She nodded towards the empty bottle that lay on its side. "Attention wanders during inebriation."

"Kitty, you slipped your leash!" He congratulated her. Then he frowned. "What, even your brother?" Jayne had a hard time believing Simon would just let River go, no questions asked. He also had a hard time picturing him really cutting loose with hooch. The giant stick up his pì gu generally prevented both.

"Simon was not consulted on the matter." Her voice sounded a little tart. "It is difficult to make conversation when people's mouths are full."

"Prissy-pants spoke with his mouth full?" Jayne grinned to himself. "How very unrefined..." He slipped into his best Core accent as he spoke, then guffawed loudly. (Another side effect of the pleasant pink place is the certain knowledge that you're the funniest hún dàn in the gorram 'verse.)

She twitched her head in the negative. "His mouth is full of Kaylee, not sustenance."

"Oh... Ohhhhhhhhh." Jayne's laughter took on a leering quality, before it occurred to him who else was involved in that hot little fantasy. "Urrgh."

River giggled, shoulders relaxing.

"That still don't explain why you were up a tree… up a tree and lookin' down on me. Heh – that rhymes," he pointed out, all proud-like.

There was a pause before she replied. "Light and heat attract when you are cold," she said. "Xiǎo māo are particularly drawn to fires." She paused again. "Both wood-based and human."

The last bit was too bendy even for him, but the first part… "Then why were you all the way up there?" he asked, with reasonable logic. "That ain't close to the fire."

River muttered under her breath, something about "alcohol induced tenacity of purpose", then spoke more clearly: "You are like a dog with a bone."

He grinned, then tugged on one of her locks. "Careful, Little Kitty – or this big bad dog might chase you away."

She relaxed, amusement rippling through her tone. "His bark is worse than his bite. This has been proven several times."

He briefly considered nipping her arm in response, but even the pleasant pink place only went so far.

By this point River's hair was leaf- and twig-free, though still tangled; using his fingers, he began to gently separate the strands, teasing out the snarls.

River's tone had turned dreamy. "He moves more like a feline than a canine anyway..."

Jayne blinked. "He does?"

She nodded emphatically as he continued to comb through her hair. "But not a little kitty – not a small cat. A big one. A panther. Prowling the plains… They have black hair and ocean eyes, too."

That even startled the pink place a little bit. He'd had no clue she'd been watching him so close.

Jayne eased the last tangle free and began absent-mindedly running his hands through the waves.

River made a low humming noise, and he grinned at the sound. She twisted her head round to look at him, probably Reading his amusement.

"You purr," he pointed out.

She smiled at him, all warm brown eyes, then turned back 'round and nestled against him.

The same warning voice that had spoken before tried whispering again, but the pleasant pink place was enjoying the sensation of warm soft girl too much to listen.

"How did he get so good with female hair?" River asked.

Feeling drowsy and a mite lazy, he didn't bother to answer out loud; instead he focused on long ago memories, when one of his chores was to get the little ones ready for church.

River stilled for a moment, then started humming again, satisfaction coming off her in waves.

It was the first time he'd ever invited her to Read him. Prob'ly the first time anyone had.

"Don't get any ideas now, xiǎo māo," he cautioned. "Just cos I might have let you in this one time don't mean you have a free pass to come rootin' round whenever you feel like it."

There was a guilty quality to the silence that greeted him. It confirmed a suspicion he'd held for a while. "So you do come rootin' around! What the hell you wanna do that for, Moonbrain? It ain't no kitty playground in there."

River's voice was dreamy again. "No, but it is warm. Red and amber and yellow. I do not dig deep, but it is pleasant to visit. Primary colours mean purity of purpose. Clear-cut intentions are a refreshing break from the norm."

"Huh." He blinked, considering this. Unbidden, his hand started stroking through her hair again. The humming purr started up once more.

His mind drifted back to his younger siblings. He absent-mindedly parted her hair and started to braid it into two sections.

River suddenly stiffened against him; the humming sound had stopped.

She leaned forward, pulling away until her hair tugged loose.

His hands felt empty.

"What's up, xiǎo māo?" he asked, reaching out to twirl one lock round his finger.

She was muttering under her breath. "Not a xiǎo māo. Not a child. Full-grown." Her shoulders squared; her voice firmed. "Not your sister," she said with decided emphasis.

His face twisted with bemusement. What made her think he thought…? The thought was choked off half-formed.

River had turned round to face him; she slotted her legs through the gaps where his arms were resting on his knees, curling them round his hips. Her hands slid up till they curved over his shoulders.

"Unh," was Jayne's bewildered but heartfelt response.

River's eyes were huge in her heart-shaped face, dilated with nerves and daring. But her mouth was firm with decision.

Jayne was feeling anything but decided, torn between expressing shock, wondering if he should push her off and trying to process how the hell the situation had changed so quickly.

Jayne's body on the other hand had no hesitation about what to do; his hands ran down her arms and splayed against her back, pulling her more snugly against him.

He was rewarded with a beaming smile. He wasn't rightly sure what he was gonna do next, turning possibilities over in his mind, but seemed he'd given some kind of signal, cos the next thing he knew her mouth was on his.

Jayne Cobb didn't kiss on the mouth, but apparently River hadn't gotten that wave.

And apparently his body was quickly comin' round to her way of thinkin'.

She was far from expert, urgently grinding her mouth against his, coming in hot and hard, but there was something rather taking 'bout her enthusiasm for the topic.

His hands framed her face, changing the pressure and angle, taking control. He guided her mouth so it moved in simpatico with his.

Her body seemed to melt against him. She moaned softly.

The pink place was rapidly heating up, shading towards red. Moving way beyond pleasant…

A low-pitched rumbling filled the clearing, just short of a groan.

River's lips parted in a smile, and he realised it hadn't come from her.

"Even big cats purr," she murmured, deeply smug.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," he muttered back, and silenced her the best way he knew how.

fin


Glossary:

gǒu shǐ – s**t

hún dànbastard

pì gu – ass

xiǎo māo– little cat