A/N I hope this one was okay. I'm worried that it's a little weak because I have been preoccupied with personal matters this last week. Let me know if it is really bad and I can try to replace it with something else.
I would like to thank Ragnarok666 for all the ideas for my story and help with all the starcraft lore that I am unfamiliar with. Please check out Ragnarok666's story Aftermath and Revelations. The SC books are tied into the story and It continues on after Wings of Liberty and is a great read for any starcraft fan.
Heart of the Swarm chapter 29
It had been an exhausting last twenty four hours for James Raynor and his band of mismatched fleet. They were not physically tired as they were emotionally drained but none were more so that James Raynor himself.
If he had felt the weight of the entire sector on his shoulders before then it had been multiplied exponentially. He wanted nothing more than to flee with Sarah, to live and love as fully as they could but that hope was a distant reality that he knew in his heart could never come to fruition.
For proof of that he had to look no further than the blood that currently stained his hands.
Jim had spent the last few hours with the foolish captain. In his misguided sense of patriotism the young dominion leader had ordered the destruction of a shuttle. To him the fact that he could kill the notorious Jim Raynor out weighed the innocent lives on board.
Jim did not know many of the people on board and Richard he had only known for a short while but their deaths weighed heavily on his heart. He had replayed what had happened over and over again. He was desperate to find something he could have differently to avoid such needless waste of life.
He had experience soldiers dying because of his orders but this was something else altogether. The people on the shuttle died simply because assistance was offered in his name. They were killed because Jim lived.
That fact wounded him so much that he was suddenly filled with self doubt. He questioned everything he fought for, everything he believed in. He thought he was fighting for a better future but it hasn't occurred to him until now that the future may be more tolerable if he was not a part of it.
Perhaps all those news casters were right and he had chosen the wrong time for his so called rebellion. Perhaps without him the Dominion would have been unified and strong enough to resist the coming hybrid invasion. He had told himself that he could not allow a monster like Mengsk to rule. With that in mind Jim waged his own personal war against Arcturus. Jim now wondered if that very war had made him a bigger monster than the one he had sworn to bring down.
If the captain was still conscious Jim was sure that he would agree with Jim's self assessment. Jim looked down to his hands again. The blood he saw was a stark reminder of what he had just done. He had used his blade many times before but this was the first time he had used it on an actual human being.
Jim had blocked out his emotions earlier but now they started coming back to him. His blade was unique in that it allowed the user glimpses of what it's victim was feeling. This allowed the wielder to know exactly what pain would cause the victim to suffer the most and allow that agony to last as long as possible. It was through that glimpse into the captain's mind that Jim knew he had brought the man to the brink of life. Any more would mean his death.
Jim was suddenly appalled at what he had done. He had flashes of the hell that the Arcturus shapeshifter had put him through.
"Am I no different now?" Jim asked himself softly. The only answer he got was the slow ragged breathing of the man he had just tortured.
Jim left the make shift prison with out another look at his prisoner. He made sure he summoned the medics to heal the captain.
Jim's mind was a conflict of emotions. He knew that he needed to be as ruthless as his enemies if he had any chance of saving this galaxy but the question he asked himself is if he was willing to lose his soul in the process.
He imagined that it was somewhat similar to what Sarah must have gone through. When she thought that he had been executed she gave up everything for the chance to avenge him. What a pair they made. It seemed they were destined to walk down a dark road together.
Dark road...
It had been a while since Jim had used those words. It brought back a memory instantly. A memory of another time in his life he had not been proud of.
Jim made his way through the halls of the Hyperion. His thoughts were centered around a recorded hologram message that he had not seen in a long time.
He was so caught up in his thoughts that he almost did not see Sarah waiting for him. He had not been expecting her to be on the Hyperion.
It was evident to Sarah from the minute that he walked in that something was troubling him. It didn't take psionic to know what. Sarah had known for some time. As did Matt and all those who cared about Jim enough to look closely.
She watched him silently as he made his way to a solitary table at the corner of the room. It stood out from the rest of the furniture in the room. The Hyperion had been intended to be Mengsk's flagship and the commander's quarters had been decorated as such.
The desk that Raynor was going through was old, worn, and had scratches everywhere. Splinters of wood stuck out here and there showing that the finish had worn off years ago.
"What are you looking for?" She asked him.
His reply was to continue to shuffle things around. Finally after a few moments Sarah saw Jim's chest rise, his sharp intake of breath was fairly audible with relief as he found what he was searching for.
Curious now, Sarah walked over to Jim. She looked over his shoulder to see an old worn down holographic video recorder. It was an older model that would generally be seen sold in junk shops.
Jim reached up but his hand stopped right before hitting the start button. Sarah had never seen Jim hesitate like that. She wondered what military secret could possibly warrant such a reaction from a man like Jim.
She placed her hand on his shoulder to reassure him but instead of giving him confidence her touch seemed to confuse him further. Sarah pulled her hand back, hurt by what she saw in his eyes.
Jim closed his eyes, took another deep breath. His finger closed the distance between it and the start button. The little device hummed with life. It spurted and sparked at being forced awake as if they were intruding on something alive.
A small beam of light emerged from the top of the recorder. It turned and twisted with static at first but eventually an image started to appear.
Of all the things Sarah had expected to see, an image of an older man was not among them. The image was not completely clear but it was crisp enough that Sarah could make out his features. The man was clean shaven. His complexion and ragged features suggested that he had spent many years toiling under a sun. It was his eyes that interested her. They were as familiar to her as her own. They were the same eyes of the man who saw past Zerg in her to the human inside.
"Sarah, meet my father." Jim whispered to her.
Sarah was speechless. She did not know much about his family aside from that they had died on Shiloh many years ago.
Static filled the room as the stored message began to play.
"I love you, Jim. You're my son, and I always will love you. I used to think I could also say, 'I'll always be proud of you.' But I can't honestly say that anymore. You're walking down a dark path, Jim. A path I never could have forseen for you, and one I simply cannot respect. We love you, but we can't take your money. That's blood money, Son, and that's not how you were raised. Do you remember what I used to tell you, Son? A man is what he chooses to be. It's not how he's born, or how he's raised, that makes the man. It's his choices. Right now, you're choosing to walk down a dark path I can't condone. But a man can turn his life around with a single thought, a single decision. You can always choose to be something new. Never forget that."
The hologram video recorder sputtered one more time then fell silent. The image of Jim's after disappeared.
"Who am I, Sarah?" Jim asked her. His head was bent down and covered by both his hands.
Again Sarah remained silent. She couldn't even answer questions about her own identity much less Jim's.
"Jim, what your father was talking about. It is a completely different situation from what's happening now." Sarah told him.
"Is it? Then why do I feel I'm disappointing them all over again." Jim closed his eyes and rubbed his head.
"Along with everyone else." He added.
Sarah reached around him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I doubt anyone else could have fared better with the hand you were dealt with. Cut yourself some slack, Jim. You are fighting a war on too many fronts. Not only are you fighting the hybrids but the you are hated and despised by the very people you are striving to save."
"Which brings us back to my original question. What happens if what I need to do to save this sector is become the very thing they fear." Jim asked her.
"What do you mean?" Sarah was not following his thinking.
"You said it yourself we cannot win this war while fighting on two fronts." Jim stood suddenly, breaking Sarah's hold on him.
Jim shook his head. His father was right of course. Jim was starting down a dark road but what was a dark road compared to the utter destruction that Amon and his followers would bring. Maybe he could not walk the path his father would have wanted him to but this was his choice to make.
His father had told him he can turn his life around with a single decision and now Jim had made one.
"Will you stand with me Sarah? No matter what I'm about to do?" He reached out and offered her his hand.
Sarah took it without hesitation but it did not mean she did not have her doubts. "Yes but what are you about to do?"
"If the Dominion soldiers believe I am the monster that they make me out to be them I will give them something to be truly frightened about." Jim told her. Sarah could feel the resolve coursing through his words.
Jim pulled Sarah along with him as he hurried through the corridors of the Hyperion. Everyone stared at him silently when he walked onto the bridge.
"Open a channel to everyone on the ship." Jim instructed Matt.
"Sir?" Matt hoped that Jim was in control of himself. The blood stains on Jim's clothing made Matt doubt that he was.
"Trust me Matt." Jim told him calmly. Matt studied him for a minute before acquiescing.
Matt flicked a switch and the overhead speaker buzzed to life.
"This is James Raynor. I know many of you have not agreed with my decisions of late. I know that there are those who question my choices on who I allied myself with. I know there are some who fear that I have lost myself. I don't blame those who have thought that way. There are times I have questioned my own sanity. There is one thing though that has not changed and that is the fact that we have been hunted and hated no matter where we turn and who we try to help. It has cost us dearly. We have lost family and friends. It's time that stopped. Those who do not wish to fight are free to leave, of course. We all have to make our own choices and I have to do what I think is right. I will stand alone if I must. Raynor out." Jim swallowed hard.
A young man stood from where he had been sitting. "You won't have to strand alone sir."
Jim nodded his appreciation as one by one the Raiders stood to show their willingness to follow him.
For the first time in a while he looked around the bridge. He really looked. He studied their faces and tried to remember each of their names.
Matt smiled in appreciation. This is what the Raiders have been waiting for. They needed Jim to take charge. Although he would deny it, Jim was a natural born leader. His actions inspired those around him even if he himself felt that he was nothing more than a Marshall from a backwater planet. Perhaps Jim finally saw beyond his need for vengeance.
Jim turned to Matt. "Set course for the planet Bountiful. I have business to attend to there."
"What business?" Matt asked as he plotted the coordinates.
"The raising of an army." Jim told him with a cold and quiet focus.
A/N Should I keep this one? Thanks for the feedback. Sorry it's a short one.
