A/N: Okay by now you all know that I suck at updating and I'm extremely sorry. I don't really have an excuse other than this season has been nothing but torture. I haven't watched a full episode all season long and I blame it sorely on Mark. Damn him and his vision! LoL. I know its asking a lot but please bare with me, this story is far from over and I promise you all, I WILL finish.

Thanks for everyone who reviews it means a lot! Special thanks to Mal, who is just an awesome beta and a good friend!

Oh, keep in mind while you read this chapter I never promised happy endings… (Ducks while food is thrown her way!!!)

Chapter 29:

Lead The Way

It had been two weeks since Brooke had gotten back from Tree Hill and she had yet to leave her room. Enough was enough. It was time she stopped talking about moving on and actually started doing it. It sucked what happened and because of it, the young girl would never be the same but the world kept turning and Heather was tried of seeing it turn without Brooke. With purpose in each step she took, Heather paused outside her friend's room, overcome with doubts. Was she doing the right thing? Brooke had been through a lot, more than most her age and maybe pushing her into something wasn't exactly the answer. "Well then what was?" a voice inside her head asked. She had tried everything she could think and Brooke had refused to budge. Quite frankly, Heather was tired. Knocking ever so lightly on the door, she poked her head in Brooke's room.

"Brooke?" she said.

Heather hadn't expected to see an up and freshly showered Brooke, let alone one dressed and writing at her desk.

"Brooke?" she called out again.

She waited for a response or even an acknowledgement but Brooke seemed to be engrossed in her own little world. Walking into the room, she touched the pretty brunette's shoulder.

"Hey," she whispered.

Brooke jumped at the unexpected touch but calmed down when she recognized the voice.

"Hey, Heather," she said turning slightly. "You scared me a little."

Heather smiled apologetically.

"Sorry, sweetie. I wanted to talk to you."

"Okay," she said, nodding. "About what?"

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Heather made eye contact with Brooke.

"You haven't been out of your room for two weeks," she said, the concern evident in her voice. "I thought you were ready to move on."

Feeling a little ashamed, Brooke started to defend herself but stopped when she realized Heather was right. She hadn't been out of her room since she had been back.

"You have too much to offer to shut yourself off from everything and everyone," she tried to reason.

Did she have a lot to offer? After all Lucas cheated on her, not once but twice with the same girl. What did that say about her as a person? Was she unlovable, unworthy, or was it something else? Did she do something in a past life to deserve what was happening to her in this one? These questions and many more just like them were all Brooke had thought about for the last two weeks. She wanted answers as to why Lucas and Peyton betrayed her. She wanted an explanation. Looking up at the ceiling, Brooke wondered if she would ever get them.

"Do you think I'll ever know?"

"Know what?" Heather asked, a little confused.

"Know why. Why I wasn't enough for Lucas the first time, the second time? Why Peyton thought so little of me that she did this?" she paused. "I want a reason."

Sighing, Heather closed her eyes.

"I don't think a reason is going to make you feel better."

"Maybe not," Brooke said. "But it would at least give me some peace of mind."

Glancing at the piece of paper folded neatly on her desk, she wondered if maybe writing a letter was a good idea. In any case she wasn't sure she was even going to send it.

"What is that?"

"A letter", she answered, turning towards Heather before pausing a second. "To Lucas."

"About what?"

It was on the tip of her tongue to say, "everything and nothing" but instead she said, "It's shit."

"Brooke…"

"I can't get it to sound right," she struggled to explain. "It's missing something and I don't know what."

"Have you read it over?"

"Just once or twice," she sighed. "I'm not even sure I'm gonna send it."

"Then why did you write it?"

"I guess because I needed too. I'm not really sure if I can explain it but I just needed to do it."

"Well, do you feel better?" Heather asked.

Shrugging, Brooke answered, "A little, I guess."

"Then maybe it was good thing."

"I'm not so sure it's any good, though. Maybe it will sound better if someone else reads it. Here… I, I want you to read it."

Grabbing it and taking a seat on the bed, Brooke held it out to Heather. Taking it within her hands, she looked it over.

"Brooke, I don't know. Maybe it's too personal. I, I don't want…"

"No, it's okay. I want you to read it," she interrupted. "Out loud."

"But, Brooke…"

"I need to hear it out loud," she pleaded. "Please?"

Hesitating for a second longer and looking to Brooke for further consent, she slowly unfolded the already worn paper. Brooke smiled slightly.

"Okay, so maybe I already read it over a hundred times," she said. "I just wanted to make sure it said everything."

Nodding Heather and began to read.

Dear Lucas,

It's almost morning as I sit here writing this and I still haven't decided if I'm doing this to make you feel worse or myself feel better. I wasn't even sure I had it in me to write down how I feel but once I sat down to actually do it, the words just kind of came to me. I guess this is what you meant by the words writing themselves. You of all people should know that words have never been my thing and until now I never cared too much about it. But at this very moment, words seem to be all I have.

It has been almost 7 months since I moved out here and almost 2 weeks since the birth of your daughter. A beautiful baby girl mixed equally with her mother and father. Haley called me. She told me you named her Brooklyn Lee Scott. I never thought you and Peyton would name your child after me. I'm not really sure how I feel about the whole thing either. At first I was shocked, then pissed, and now I feel nothing, so I guess take your pick.

My whole world seems to have changed in a matter of days. Moving to California, losing Peyton, Haley, and Nathan…losing you. It just happened so fast. One minute I was happily in love with you and the next, I'm consumed with something that couldn't be described as anything other than hate. Hate is a strong word, Lucas, one that shouldn't be used lightly. But after hearing Peyton tell me she was pregnant and you were the father, I never hated you or anyone else, for that matter, more. But the thing is I don't want to hate you. We've been through too much together for it to end like that but I can't love you either. So I guess for now I'm stuck in that thin line between love and hate.

When we first started dating back in sophomore year, I never thought of myself as anything other than a party girl. The girl guys slept with but never brought home to meet the parents. And up until the day you told me I didn't have to act like that, I was fine with who I was. I had plenty of friends, heaps of boyfriends, lots of money and as shallow as it sounds, Lucas, that was enough for me. Perhaps it was because my parents were never around or maybe because I watched Peyton lose her mother and then her father and I never wanted to feel that kind of pain. Or possibly it's because I knew I didn't deserve any better. That one night stands and random hookups were all I was meant for. And then you looked at me, across the pool table on our first date and I knew I couldn't hide anymore. You figured it out, you figured me out. And then something I never expected, happened. I fell in love for the first time.

It was premature and incredibly unworkable but knowing that didn't make my feelings for you any less real. I must have had my head in the clouds the entire time we were dating, otherwise I don't see how I didn't know what was going on behind my back. The signs were all there. You never picking up the phone, the brush offs, the smiles that never reached your face, the kisses that felt more like a chore than a desire, the guilt I saw in Peyton's eyes whenever she looked at me and more importantly the undeniable love I saw whenever she looked at you.

I think a part of me knew what was going on long before I saw it. And after, I was madder at myself than either of you because I knew better. Emotions like love and hope and phases like family were meant for people like Haley, not for girls like me. But you changed that, for the brief time we were together I found myself wanting the family, the babies, and a husband. Don't get me wrong, Lucas, I wasn't stupid enough to want it then but I knew I wanted it in my future and I wanted it all with you.

Do you remember the time you were in the hospital? I do. In fact, I have been thinking about it a lot lately. I had never been more afraid in my life. I was so scared I was going to lose you. I remember your first night there, your mother hadn't made it back from Europe and I didn't want you to spend the night alone. So I snuck back in after hours and spent the whole night holding your hand and telling you my dreams of the future.

I dreamt that we would get married on a breezy, summer day at the place you once told me was a big part of your life, the River Court. Your family would be there to support us and more surprisingly, my family. My father would walk me down the aisle and my mother would offer me "womanly" advice about becoming a wife. Peyton would be my maid of honor and Nathan, your best man. Haley would no doubt be the entertainment and Mouth would be involved somehow. It would be small but nice and only our close family and friends would be invited. We would stand across from one another declaring our unfaltering love. I know now that day will never come for us.

You see Lucas, the first time you didn't just break my heart, you destroyed my dreams for us and in doing that, for me as well. All my hopes for the future were invested in our relationship, in you. And in some ways I'm grateful for what happened. Because I never wanted to be the type of girl who lost herself in a relationship or the type who depended more on her boyfriend than herself but with you it was a temptation that I battled everyday. You wanted to fix me and I thought that was what I wanted, too. It wasn't until after I found out about you and Peyton that I realized I'm not that girl. I'm not the girl who gets so caught up in her boyfriend's life that she forgets she has one of her own or the type who quietly sits by while her boyfriend fools around. I can't be molded into that. I won't be.

I honestly can't tell you how I forgave you the first time but I can tell you why it's been so hard to forgive you this time. When you came back from Charleston, I'll admit I was afraid. I had just gotten Peyton back and I was scared that we couldn't all co exist but with time I was able to slowly let you back in. In fact it was a lot easier then I ever imagined. You were so caring and sincere. I couldn't help it. I had never been friends with a boy before and I wasn't sure it was even possible but one by one you made my doubts disappear. And before I knew it we had reached a level in our friendship that we never reached in our relationship…intimacy. I have been that honest with anyone in my life, not even Peyton. And then that's when things got complicated.

I was shopping with Peyton one day and she called me on my not so "friendship" feelings for you. I had been lying to myself for so long that I denied it until I found your "Peyton box". I was jealous, hurt, and angry that once again I got sucked back in all the love triangle drama. But more than anything I knew you would choose her, after all you had once before. So I buried my feelings, I told myself you weren't worth it, that all you would do was hurt me. It seemed to be working until the day I was set to go to California. You kissed me and I knew I was a goner. I knew that this time it was real, that my feelings were real but more importantly I know yours were too. But something held me back. Myself.

All I could think of was how Peyton came between us the first time. How the first time around, she meant more to you than me. I let those doubts and insecurities consume me all summer long until I realized they were pointless. I loved you and I was willing to risk that. I never imagined that you two would sleep with one another. Never. I was so sure that you loved me, that I finally had your heart. Cause if you don't know it, Lucas, that was all I ever wanted. So I came home. I came home for you, for us. Too bad I came home to an even bigger lie then the one I left behind.

You know that saying, It's better to have loved and lost then have never loved at all? I'm convinced who ever wrote that has no idea what it feels like to have your heart broken by the people you love most. I can't even begin to explain to you what it felt like knowing that you and Peyton were having a baby. It's not easy loving and hating someone all at the same time.

Perhaps I didn't do the right thing by running away but at the time all I could think about was getting as far away from you and Peyton as I possibly could. I don't regret moving here because this place has given me a best friend, a home, and in a weird way a family. There was a time in my life when you and Peyton were all the family I had but as I sit here writing this, I realize that neither of you deserve my love or me. You don't cheat, and you don't lie to those you love.

Heather's voice trailed off and she looked up at Brooke.

"That…um, that was good," she whispered in complete awe of the girl in front of her.

She had no idea. Suddenly feeling like the biggest jerk in the world, she turned towards her friend and started to apologize.

"Brooke I'm so sorry…I didn't know"

Laughing a little, Brooke asked, "What do have to be sorry about?"

Not wanting to explain, Heather shook her head.

"Never mind," she said, grabbing a hold of Brooke's hand as she assured her the letter was good and very much worthy.

"I don't know," Brooke said, still unsure.

"Well, I do and that was a good letter."

"It's not finished yet. I couldn't think of a way to end it until just a minute ago."

"Here," Heather handed her the letter. "Finish it."

Walking to the desk, Brooke glanced at her friend.

"Just give me a sec."

"Okay. Take all the time you need."

"Done", Brooke announced a few minutes later.

"Already?" Heather asked.

Brooke smiled shyly and shrugged.

"I knew what I wanted to say. Read it now."

Heather looked up at her friend.

"Are you sure? I mean, maybe the end is better left between you and Lucas."

Brooke shook her head.

"I want you to", she said as she played with her hands and assumed her place on the bed. "It's really important to me that you read it."

Smiling, Heather continued on where she left off just moments before.

A friend told me recently that you can't shut off your feelings because if you do, ultimately you end up shutting out the world. I don't want to shut out the world anymore, Lucas. I want to live my life. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. I hope you understand that what you did will never be okay and we can never go back to what we were. Much like you, I've made a conscious choice and for the first time in my life, I choose me. And in choosing me, I can finally let you go…

-Brooke

Heather looked towards her friend, knowing just how much it took out of her.

"Now it's perfect," she whispered.

Brooke nodded.

"Yeah…I think so too."

Handing the letter back to Brooke, she carefully folded in half and placed it within an already labeled envelope.

"You're sending it?"

Brooke hesitated for a second.

"I think am."

Noticing a photo buried underneath hundreds of discarded papers, Brooke found the only picture of her and Lucas she had allowed herself to keep. It was the same one she had spent countless hours staring at since she had arrived. It was the same one that gave her comfort, as well as haunted her.

"What about the photo?" Heather asked.

Thinking for a moment and coming to decision, Brooke folded the picture in two and sealed it in the envelope along with the letter.

"He should have it, " she explained. "I don't need it anymore."

Heather had her doubts, especially over the last two weeks, whether or not Brooke was ever going to move on and let Lucas and her old life in Tree Hill go but after reading the letter and seeing the newfound confidence, Heather knew. Brooke had finally moved on.

"Hey, come with me."

Seeing the confusion on the other girl's face, Brooke elaborated.

"To the post office. I wanna mail this before I change my mind," she said.

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The drive was short and quiet, although many thoughts raced through both their minds. Ten minutes later, they arrived in front of their destination. Unbuckling her seatbelt, Brooke looked at Heather.

"Thanks for coming with me but I need to do this part by myself."

"Okay", Heather nodded. "No problem. I'll be waiting right here."

Smiling, Brooke climbed out the car and turned back.

"Thanks for everything Heather."

"That's what friends are for."

"Well, I don't know about all that but I do know that I wouldn't be here, mailing this letter if it hadn't been for you. Honestly it's what I needed, so thank you. I'll, um…I'll be right back…"

Brooke closed the car door and made her way over the drop box. And surprisingly with each step she took, she felt more as ease. She knew it was the right thing, the only thing. Looking down at the letter in her hand, she said a prayer to whoever was listening, Please let him get this. I need him to understand how I feel. Closing her eyes, she pulled back the latch and let the letter slip between her hands. She gasped a little from the loss. It sounded silly but that letter was the only tie she had with Tree Hill and now that tie was gone. It was a relief but also very scary. Tree Hill had been her home for the last 17 years and it was very frightening. But aside from all that, she knew she was going to be okay. After all she had the rest of her life to live.

"Everything okay?" a familiar voiced asked from behind her.

Turing around, Brooke sighed.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think it is."

Really smiling for the first time in long time, Brooke grabbed Heather's hand.

"Come on. Let's go do something fun."

"What?" Heather asked, laughing.

"Skinny dipping?" Brooke suggested with a grin, after a few seconds of thought.

"Brookeeee!" Heather gulped. "It's barely noon."

"And? It will be fun."

"I don't know…"

"Come on, it will be fun."

Giving up, Heather laughed.

"Okay. I can't believe I'm saying this but let's go skinny dipping."

"Awesome!" she squeaked. "Let's go. Friend."

Laughing all the way to car, Brooke took one last meaningful look at the drop box.

"Good bye, Lucas," she whispered.

Turning her attention to Heather, she gave her a wink and a smirk.

"Lead the way."

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TBC...