Five years later
Four and a half years later.
"Cameron and William!" I shouted.
The boys just stared up at me innocently. I shook my head as I stared around at the mess they had made. Two year olds generally were handfuls but with twins you couldn't turn your back for a moment. I glanced over at Alyssa who was glued to the television. She was always a good girl, and I wished her brothers could be just as good as she was. Even at the age of two, she had always behaved well enough.
"I think it's almost time you two spent the night at your godfathers," I muttered as I took out my wand to clean up the spilled food and toys.
"Can I go to Aunty Ellen's?" Alyssa asked as she turned away from the television. "I want to play with Michelle and Clarissa."
"Maybe this weekend," I answered.
Ellen had been named Godmother to Alyssa and then we'd named Michael to be Godfather for the twins. Although the children usually visited either Michael's or Ellen's equally, generally Alyssa wanted to go to Ellen's. I couldn't really blame her for that though. She had two other little girls to play with. She knew Ellen was her godmother. The boys didn't really have a preference, although they liked playing with Brenda's son Richard or Barry's son Trevor.
"I haven't seen Clarissa in a long time," Alyssa stated.
This wasn't true of course. Our children saw each other all the time, but I guessed to a four and a half year old, a whole day seemed like a long time. A day seemed like a long time back when I'd been at Hogwarts. We had all of our kids enrolled in the same day care that Tasha and a couple other witches ran together. So they all saw each other enough. It was summer so I stayed at home with the children, so they didn't see the others as much.
"You'll see her soon enough," I told her. "I'm sure Ellen would be more than happy to let you stay over."
I looked over at the boys. They had lost interest in me and Alyssa. They were now drawing together on some scraps of paper I'd given them earlier. They were talking to each other in some kind of gibberish. They could speak just fine, but at times I believed they had their own made up language. I wondered if they were going to be as smart as Ben was. It seemed clever to make up a language when they just turned two years old.
Sending the kids away for the weekend could be a good idea at any rate. Ben and I hadn't gotten a long for a long time. It would be his first weekend off in a while, and he was back to the day shift. With the children around all the time and his shifts, we really didn't get the chance to talk to each other. I was tired of the endless arguments all the time however. He just seemed angry with me all the time and I didn't even know what it was that I'd done wrong.
It seemed as if things had started to go downhill about six months ago. We'd always had disagreements, but what couple didn't? However, it was after Alyssa's fourth birthday that things had changed. Ben started to come home angry all the time. I did whatever I could to try and make him feel happier, but it didn't work. I felt like I irritated him more than anything. I couldn't even remember the last time we'd had sex. There was a time when it had been twice a day during a good week. It had been likely over two months.
I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. Ben had always told me that he wouldn't be the type to get upset that dinner wasn't ready, or the apartment wasn't cleaned, but I did keep it up anyway. With twins, it was hard to keep everything always cleaned but I did my best anyway. I did what I could to make sure Ben didn't come home to a stressful home. As a Healer, I knew he was tired all the time with his hours and what he had to do.
There were many nights when the kids were already in bed by the time he got back. I had a feeling that night was going to be another night. I glanced back at the kids to make sure they were busy before I headed back into the kitchen to finish making supper. The condo was getting too small for a family of five. Ben hadn't said anything about the house in such a long time. That weekend could be a time to bring it up to him.
So while I worked on dinner, I also quickly wrote messages to both Ellen and Michael. Rachel had asked if we could take Hayden for the weekend, so I wrote back to her as well saying no, it wasn't the best time. Hayden had been spending a lot of weekends at our place lately. Rachel was dating some bloke, and Hayden hated him. He preferred coming over to our place, or going over to Barry and Tasha's. He hated it at home lately, and I felt bad to say no, but I just wanted a weekend with my husband.
It wasn't until about eight thirty when Ben finally walked into the apartment. He set his Healer bag by the door and gave me a kiss on the cheek. He then proceeded to look in on the kids while I went to the kitchen to heat up his food for him.
"How was work?" I asked him as he sat down on the couch.
He gave a small shrug. "Fine."
"I've arranged for the kids to go away this weekend," I told him. "Alyssa is going to Ellen's, and Michael said he'd take the twins."
Ben just gave a small nod and began to eat. I tried to think of something else to say. It wasn't a good sign when a wife couldn't talk to her husband. I was nervous about bringing up something that could make him snap at me. So I stayed quiet while he ate. I put on some crime show that he enjoyed and sat back to watch. There was a quiet knock on the door after a while, and I felt relief by this. No one had said whether or not they were coming over but sometimes our friends showed up without warning. I got up quickly to answer the door.
Barry grinned down at me. He knew what was going on between Ben and me. I'd always been able to talk to his family, but they'd also witnessed his attitude themselves. Barry and Brianne had told me multiple times not to take it personally since he also snapped at them as well. Our friends had told me the same thing. Just that day, Ellen had told me that she barely wrote to Ben anymore because it just seemed pointless.
"What's going on kids?" Barry asked as he came into the apartment.
"What are you doing here?" Ben asked him.
"I can't come over to see my brother and sister-in-law?" Barry asked. "Tasha is out with some of her friends, and the kids are at mums for the night. I haven't seen the two of you in a while, so I figured I'd come over. Don't tell me you two go to bed at this time."
"No, I was just wondering," Ben said sounding a little irritated. He waved his wand and his plate disappeared to the kitchen.
"We weren't doing much," I told Barry. "Ben was just finishing supper. It's a Wednesday after all. We can go sit out on the balcony and have some drinks. I'll just get some."
Ben just gave a small shrug and stood up. Barry raised his eyebrows at him and shook his head. I guessed he was getting as tired of his brothers attitude as I was. I went into the kitchen to grab some butterbeers. The boys were already on the balcony by that time, so I went out there. Barry was just telling Ben about his latest work project.
After I handed them their butterbeers, I hesitated before I went over to sit on Ben's lap. It had been a long time since I really had. We hadn't cuddled or done much lately. Recently I'd been too nervous to show him affection in case it annoyed him. Once again I realized it wasn't a good sign. A wife should never have to feel as if she were on egg shells around her husband. Ben didn't seem to care however. He just wrapped an arm around me.
"So do you ever get bored in the summers?" Barry asked me.
It was almost the end of June, and school had just let out.
"Not really," I said. "I get to spend time with the kids, and with twin boys it's hard to get bored anyway. They're on the go all the time and they're always getting into something. Alyssa also has her endless questions. Besides, I've been doing some work at the Experimental Charms department."
"They let you do that?" Barry asked incrediously. "I thought you had to work there."
"They would like me to go full time eventually," I said. "Right now I just do it part time when I can. They like what I can do. Maybe soon I'll quit as a teacher and move onto that. I like what I'm doing right now though. I guess George sent in a recommendation for me."
"Well you've helped him out with a few more products," Barry said with a shrug.
When I'd gone on maternity leave with the twins, I'd sent in a CV to the Experimental Charms department. I wanted to know if there was a way I could do some work for them. I wanted to stay a teacher, but I wanted to know exactly what they did in their department. Professor's Sprout and Flitwick had sent high recommendations for me to them. Even after retirement they still helped out former students if they could. I ended up going in for an interview, and they told me they were willing to work with me. They'd said eventually if I wanted, I could move on there as full time. I seriously considered it.
"I don't get why you don't do it," Ben said but not in the supporting way he used to. He sounded really annoyed instead. "Why keep teaching?" He continued.
Perhaps it was because I didn't work in Experimental Charms full time that it bothered him. I wasn't sure why it would, unless it was about the money. I made decent money as a teacher, plus the commission I got from George sometimes. If I worked full time in Experimental Charms, I would make a lot more money. We were nowhere near hard up for money however. Ben made good money as a Healer and he would be getting his trust fund in September. Unless of course it bothered him that I would be using it as well. It hadn't in the past, but maybe it did now.
"Maybe because she likes it," Barry said. "Will you be teaching Alyssa?"
I shook my head feeling stung by Ben's tone. "No, it's a conflict of interest. It's the same reason why I couldn't teach Hayden and Minnie when they first started."
Barry snorted. "Do they really think that you're going to give them better marks because you're related to them?"
"I guess so," I said. "But it's probably for the best anyway. It's better for Alyssa to be in a different class than her mother. They're quite young but the kids might think there is favouritism. Besides, she should be away from her mother. I want her to be independent."
"I doubt she'd lose her independence by having her mother teach her," Ben told me. "That's just dumb. She's been independent since she learned to walk."
I gritted my teeth but I didn't say anything back. I didn't want a fight in front of Barry who stared at Ben with annoyance.
"Ben, come inside with me a moment," he suddenly said as he stood up. He looked at me significantly. "I need to talk to you about something; we'll be right back Ashley."
"Why can't you talk to me about it now?" Ben asked.
"Because I'd like to talk to you inside if you don't mind," Barry replied.
Ben let out a loud sigh and I stood up to let him get up. I sat back down in the chair after they went inside. I pulled an extendible ear from my pocket. Usually I kept one in my pocket for when I left the room and the kids were in another. I wanted to be able to hear everything the twins were doing. They could be very quiet, but it usually meant they were getting into something. With the extendible, I could hear everything as if they were beside me. I'd charmed it so it could stay beside my ear without me holding it so I could multitask.
"Ben, your attitude is getting old," Barry whispered. "I am getting so sick of your attitude, as well as everyone else. I'm sure your wife is tired of it."
"I don't have an attitude," Ben replied back.
"You do so; you're always back talking us. I'm surprised Ashley puts up with it all the time. A husband should never call his wife stupid!" Barry snapped.
"I didn't call her stupid, I said what she said was dumb," Ben said. "There's a difference. Also what goes on between me and my wife is none of your business."
"Do you want to end up divorced?" Barry asked. "That's where you're headed if you keep it up. She's going to get tired of it and leave you. She's unhappy right now. It's only going to get worse."
"What do you mean she's unhappy?" Ben asked. "She would have told me if she was unhappy with me. Don't tell me she's been complaining behind my back."
"She's been coming to us for advice little brother," Barry said. "She feels like she is making you unhappy. She's worried you're not in love with her anymore. She's afraid that you just stick around because of the kids. I have to wonder if you still do love her."
"Of course I love her," Ben said. "That hasn't changed."
"So what has?" Barry asked.
Ben sighed. "Just sometimes I wonder if we married too young or if we started our careers too young or something," he answered. "We're not even twenty-five yet and everything is so routine. I come home to this tiny apartment every day to three kids, it just feels so crowded in here. Michael and Jared seem to have the time of their lives. They're not married and they don't have kids, and they get to have a party every weekend."
"So you're basically having a quarter life crisis," Barry said. "I had it too, although I didn't take it out on Tasha."
"You weren't as settled as I was when you were my age," Ben said.
"So are you telling me that you regret marriage and your kids?" Barry demanded.
"No," Ben answered quickly. "I still love all four of them, and I wouldn't trade them in for anything. I just never imagined I'd feel this way. As a Healer, I don't get to have a life."
"You knew that when you became a Healer," Barry said. "You can't it out on your wife and kids. You were just telling Ashley that maybe it's time for a career change, but maybe you should take your own advice. If you still love them and you don't want to lose them, you'd better knock off this attitude. As far as the crowded apartment goes, why haven't you built your house yet? You don't even need the trust fund for that anymore. Between the two of you, you make decent enough money."
"Time," Ben answered.
"That's just an excuse," Barry said. "It's time you make some time. This place is too small for your family. Ashley might not have been complaining behind your back, but I can tell you that everyone else has been, including your friends. They are all tired of this little brother. If you don't want to lose your friends or your family, you'd better make a change soon. We're all tired of it, and I hate to see you talk to your wife that way."
It sounded as if he were walking back to the balcony, so I quickly pulled the extendible from my ear, and put it in my pocket. I pretended to seem as if I were staring around at the scenery from our balcony. We actually had a decent view. We didn't have any other buildings blocking us from seeing anything. We were up high and I could see plenty of the city and a lovely sunset at night.
Barry returned moments later and sat back down in his chair. Ben took a little while longer. Barry winked at me and then we made small talk. I wondered if he suspected that I had been listening with the extendible. Ben walked out with more butterbeers. He walked over to me and motioned for me to get up. He sat down and pulled me down into his arms. It was the first time he had shown me some form of intimacy other than a kiss on the cheek in a long time.
"You said the kids will be gone this weekend?" He asked me and I nodded. "Good, you and I need to talk."
Michael showed up first to get the twins. He was always excited to take the kids for us, especially when it was his godchildren. He never found the twins to be a handful, and there were times when he even volunteered to take them and Alyssa. I knew someday he'd make a good father. I just hoped he would meet the right girl eventually. He dated quite a bit, but ever since he and Sarah had broken up, he hadn't really had a girlfriend.
He was different from when he was younger, however. It used to bother him when he couldn't get in a relationship. However, his attitude was different. He told us he knew someday he'd meet the right girl, and for the time being he could have fun. He'd picked up an almost Jared like attitude. Everyone else from our common room had met people who they were happy with. Jared and Michael were the only two bachelors left.
"So you and Benny are finally going to have a talk?" Michael asked me as we got the twins ready.
"Yes," I answered. "I just hope it goes well. I'm really nervous to be honest."
"I'm sure things will be fine," Michael said. "I kind of wondered if it was because Ben felt tied down. He seems envious of Jared and me at times. He's never come out and said it of course."
"Maybe we should have waited to get married," I said. "Maybe we were too young at nineteen. Maybe we should have tried to have more fun before we got married."
"Or Ben just needs to suck it up," Michael said. "If he can't handle the Healer hours, maybe he shouldn't be one. Ellen and Keith are fine, and they were even younger than you two. Ben loves you, I know he does, and you know he loves the kids. Honestly, it's what he gets for being the nose to the grindstone type. While the rest of us enjoyed our freedom when we were kids, he spent all his time working on school work. I don't think he should have pulled the Ellen attitude, but he should have enjoyed his childhood more."
"Well maybe once we get in the house it will make things easier," I said. "We haven't said much since Barry has been over, but he did tell me that he wanted to get the house started this summer. He's hoping to have it done before September."
"Can you get it done that quick?" Michael asked. "It's the end of June. I would think a house would take a long time, especially since I know he wants a big one."
"I would think so, but remember it will be magically built," I said. "In the muggle world it probably would be too quick. What about you? Remember back in the day we all said we'd have our houses next to each other. I'm sure Ellen and Keith are ready to move too."
In fact, I knew they were and they wanted to stick to the plan we'd made as kids. However, they were waiting for Ben to get his act together so they could know where to build their house. At the moment Clarissa and Michelle shared a room. Ellen told me she didn't mind too much since it gave them a chance to save for the house, but they were ready when we were.
Michael gave a small shrug. "Just tell me when and where. I doubt Jared will care if he has to have our little flat to himself."
Jared and Michael rented a flat together. Three years ago, Hank and Sarah had actually gotten together. At first they were worried about Michael's reaction, but he didn't care. He had never loved her. He'd just wanted to be in a relationship to be in one. The two of them had gotten married very quickly, and shortly afterwards, everyone else started to move out. They all lived with their husbands or wives now, and some were even together, like Stan and Erica. Jared and Michael had decided to rent a place together for the time being.
"He doesn't mind taking the twins this weekend?" I asked.
"You know he's never cared," Michael said. "We have the extra room for the kids," he glanced over at Alyssa, who was colouring. "What about you Alyssa? Do you want to come over too?"
"No, I am going to Aunty Ellen's," she answered quickly. "I want to see Clarissa and Michelle. I'll go with you some other time."
"Jared will be hurt you know," Michael said. "He liked having you as his date last time you came over."
"He saw me last week," Alyssa said. "We ate cupcakes, and we watched Dora the Explorer."
Michael laughed. "Sounds like a good date to me. I am jealous."
I laughed as well. Alyssa loved Jared a lot and she always made him play with her when he came over. The two of them had sat down on the floor together with chocolate cupcakes and they'd watched Dora together. I knew someday when he settled down that he'd make a good father. He was very good with kids. I knew he was good with the twins as well, but I also knew he liked inviting girls over on the weekends. So it was why I asked Michael if he minded having the boys over.
"Next time you can watch it with me," she told Michael.
"It's a date, I look forward to it," he said. "For now I have to take your little brothers. Where are the little monsters anyway?"
"In their room," I answered. "They're fine. They're just playing with their snitches."
I could see them from our place on the floor as we packed their toys up. I only let them play with their toy snitches in their room, but I could see them. In the rest of the condo, they would get running around and they'd climb on things they shouldn't. In their bedroom I didn't care what they did in there.
"I'm glad you're taking them," Alyssa stated. "They annoy me. They pull my hair and they poke me in the eye! They never leave me alone."
"You do get out numbered sometimes don't you?" I asked as I pulled her into my arms.
"I need a sister mummy," Alyssa informed me. "You should give me a baby sister."
"I'll try someday," I told her as I laughed.
Ben and I had always talked about having four kids. If things worked out that weekend, and we moved into the house, we could always try for another. Of course the gender couldn't be ordered, but it had worked out so far for us. Although we'd both hoped for healthy babies, I had hoped with Alyssa that I would have a girl. I had wanted her and Clarissa to be just like Ellen and me. When I got pregnant the second time, I'd wanted to give Ben a son and I knew he was hoping for a boy too. We just hadn't counted on having identical twin boys.
If I did get pregnant again, I couldn't help but hope for another girl. Alyssa would have her baby sister, and it would even things out.
"That could be a task for this weekend," Michael told me with a wink.
"I think we should wait on that for a bit," I said. "We have too much to talk about right now."
"Well I do hope things work out," Michael said. "Do you think we have enough toys? We have some at my place too."
"It should be all right," I said as I looked into the bag. "Just make sure they are in bed by eight, this time, please. It really does mess up their sleep schedules when they don't go at the right time. They'll put up a fuss, but they'll go to sleep if you put them in the room and shut the door. I already have their clothes packed," and with my wand, I summoned their overnight bags. "William! Cameron! It's time to go! You're going to Uncle Michael's for the night!"
The boys both got up simultaneously and ran over excitedly. They knew they would have fun at Michael's for the evening, especially if Jared was going to be there. They ran straight to Michael.
"Give mummy a hug first," I said as I pulled Cameron into my arms. William turned away from Michael reluctantly to hug me as well.
"Bye mummy," he said.
"What about your sister?" I asked him as I nodded at Alyssa.
"No hug!" William said, and he turned back to Michael.
Cameron walked over to hug her though, Alyssa made a face but she hugged him back. I was sure one of these days their attitudes towards each other would change. Michael scooped up the boys, one in each arm. I sent their toys and overnight bags to his flat with a wave of my wand.
"Have fun and be good," I told the twins.
"We will," William said as he answered for his brother.
William usually spoke more than Cameron. For a while I was worried that Cameron was behind for his age, but the Healer assured me that he could talk just fine. He just let his brother speak for him. It seemed the twins would be similar to Jaime and me. William was outgoing and loud while Cameron was on the shy side.
As soon as they were done, I turned to Alyssa.
"Ellen will be here soon, so let's get you ready now. She has plenty of toys over there, so just pick a toy or two, and we'll just get you clothes okay?"
"Okay mummy," Alyssa said getting up. "Is daddy angry?"
"No," I said. "He's just tired."
"He yelled at me last night," she said.
"I know, he was just tired. He's not upset with you," I said.
It angered me to think of the night before. Alyssa had drawn a picture for Ben, and when she tried to get his attention, he'd snapped at her. I couldn't stop imagining the hurt look on her face after that. It was one thing for him to be annoyed with me, but it was another when he yelled at his four-year-old daughter. I could tell afterwards that he'd felt terrible for it so I hadn't brought it up. I just wish he would have at least apologized to her. He'd done the same the last time Hayden had visited, and the boy really looked up to Ben.
"Daddy is always tired," she said.
"Well maybe after this weekend he won't be," I told her. "So let's just your clothes packed. We'll pack your bathing suit too."
"I want my favourite dress," she told me.
Alyssa was definitely girly girl. I doubted she would ever go through the tomboy phase that I went through. The majority of the time she wanted to wear dresses or skirts. In a way I felt this was a good thing. I remembered how insecure I'd felt as a teen. I hadn't known much about dressing up or makeup. My mother hadn't had time to teach me, and Jaime had gone through the tomboy phase as well. It wasn't until I'd met Ellen and Brianne that I'd really started to outgrow it. I would never forget the embarrassment of realizing that everyone had noticed my unibrow except me.
Of course I wanted her to be herself, and if she did eventually turn into a tomboy, I wouldn't be against it. I just wanted her to have an entirely different childhood than I'd had. I hated how insecure I'd felt. I knew it was inevitable since anyone could be bullied, but I really hoped she'd never go through the bullying I went through. Luckily she'd only inherited my eyes and hair colour, the rest of her features she seemed to have gotten from the Hoofer side. She was already turning into a beautiful little girl. She would never be called ugly.
"Mummy? Are you tired too?" Alyssa asked me.
"I'm sorry what?" I asked breaking out of my thoughts.
"I asked if I could take my pink dress but you didn't say anything," she said.
"You can take anything you want," I said.
It wasn't much longer after that when Ellen showed up. Ellen was definitely one of those people who grew more beautiful as she got older. I remembered being envious of her as a kid because of her beauty, but whenever I looked at photos of us back then, it didn't compare to now. Luckily for me, I'd grown more into my looks as well as I'd gotten older. I would never be a beauty, but I no longer felt ugly. Although I'd always been thin, and I'd gone through two pregnancies, I'd lost the baby fat I'd had in my cheeks.
I knew it was a bit shallow to think, but my pregnancies had never really affected my weight too much. After I'd had Alyssa, it hadn't taken long at all to get back to my old size. With the twins, it had taken a little longer since it was a multiple birth but it was only about six months before I was back to normal. When we were younger, Ellen had always been tinier than me. She still was height wise, but somehow over the years despite the fact that I'd had twins, I was now smaller than her. Again, I knew it was a shallow thing to think since she still looked amazing.
"You look like you've lost weight," Ellen observed now as if she knew what I was thinking.
I shrugged. "I'm not eating any differently. I exercise more. You know I thought when I had the kids I wouldn't even have time for a run, especially with the twins, but I still have the time. I just do it when Ben gets home."
"Well hopefully he smartens up this weekend," Ellen said. "I still consider him as one of my best friends, but I just can't handle talking to him sometimes."
"He snapped at Alyssa last night," I told her. "I think that might become a bit of a wakeup call. I have a feeling we might argue a bit. He yelled at Hayden too."
"Is Hayden coming soon?" Alyssa asked me as she walked into the room with her overnight bag. "I want to see Hayden."
Ellen giggled. "What is it about that boy with girls? Remember Minnie when they were really little? That's who she just sounded like."
"The twins adore him too," I told her and then I looked at Alyssa, "Maybe next weekend he'll come over. Actually, I think he wants to move in here for the summer. We don't have the room, though."
"Rachel is still with that guy?" Ellen asked, and I nodded.
"Hayden can't stand him. I know he is at Barry's for the weekend. He wanted to come this weekend, but he couldn't. He has a message parchment now, and he sent me a message asking me. I guess he could sleep on couch, or we could try setting up a cot in the boy's room. That's why I wish we could get started on the house. He could have a room when he comes over."
"I never thought Rachel would be the type to pick a bloke over her son. Up until now, Hayden has always been her life," Ellen said with raised eyebrows.
"We're all shocked. Hayden is going to be nine in September. He needs a proper man in his life…although at the moment I don't even know if Ben can be even counted as that," I said. "Anyway, she has everything she needs. It's the weekend, so she can stay up until nine or nine thirty."
"Nine-thirty," Alyssa said automatically.
"Nine," Ellen said firmly. "Michelle goes to bed at nine-thirty so you and Clarissa can be in bed at nine."
"You be a good girl, and you listen to Ellen," I told Alyssa as I stooped down to pull her into a tight hug.
"I'm always good mummy," Alyssa said.
I couldn't argue that one. I didn't want to jinx myself because she was only four and a half, but I'd never had problems with her. I was always more worried about the twins than I was with her. I doubted they could ever be quite the pranksters that the Weasley twins had apparently been, but at times I wondered if they'd be similar. They always managed to get into trouble and they were two. Even though they were close, I'd already requested at the preschool that at least for the first few years they be in different classes. I didn't want them to just rely on each other.
"Yes, you are," I said. "I love you, honey."
"Let me know how things go," Ellen told me as lifted Alyssa in her arms. She was able to carry both Alyssa and her overnight bag. "If you need me, you know where we are."
I nodded and hugged both Ellen and Alyssa at the same time. Alyssa glanced at me with a worried look, and I wondered if even at four she sensed something was wrong. She didn't say anything however. Moments later, Ellen disapparated away. As soon as they were gone, I set to cleaning up the apartment. The place always felt so empty once the kids were gone. It was hard for me to imagine what life was like before they were around.
Ben got home earlier than usual that night. I was just finishing up our dinner as he strode in. He walked over to give me a kiss on the cheek. He looked serious as he gazed into my eyes.
"Let's forget dinner for a moment," he told me in a solemn voice. "We need to talk."
"I don't like the sound of this," I said.
"It's not as bad as you might think," he said. "At least I'm hoping you're not thinking the worst."
I was thinking about Ellen's parents and how her mother had told her they needed to talk. At least if Ben and I divorced, the kids were still really little.
"Usually 'we need to talk,' is a bad thing," I said as Ben took my hand and led me over to the couch. He sat down and pulled me down with him.
"It depends on how you look at it," he told me. "I took a leave of absence from work today. I asked if I could have at least six months."
"Well that's not so bad," I said feeling relieved. "If you need a break from work, I fully support it. We're not hard up for money, and you get your trust fund in September."
"We get the trust fund in July," Ben said. "I left work early today and worked it all out. It's only a couple of months until I am twenty-five. I'm going to get work started on the house as soon as possible so we can move into it soon."
"Okay, so why do you look so serious?" I asked him. "This is all a good thing. You're a regular Healer now, you have been for years. Your job will still be there, but even if you wanted a new job I don't care. I think you need a break. You've never really given yourself a break except when we went traveling."
Ben sighed. "That's the thing. That's what I don't think you're going to like," he told me.
"What do you mean?"
"I want to go traveling for a couple months on my own," he said. "It's like you said, I've never given myself a break. I keep thinking back to our sixth and seventh years. You wanted your alone time and I never understood it. Now I do. I don't know how to say this without sounding as if I'm unhappy with my life, but I feel I need a break from you and the kids."
"A break from your family?" I asked him.
"Only for a couple of months," Ben said. "Maybe even less than that. I just feel I do nothing but work and care for the kids. I never get a break. I know it sounds as if I am whining, and perhaps I am. It's my own damn fault. I spent all of Hogwarts just working hard on school work. I feel like I'm coming off as a git. I love you and the kids, and I wouldn't trade you for anything, but I just want a break on my own."
I did feel offended and angry but then I allowed myself to really think about it. Since we had met, Ben had always put me first in his life. He'd always been a good friend to Ellen and Michael as well, but when it came to me, he always did what he could to help me. He did everything to help me with my school work. He put me first when it came to his relationships. He worked hard on his school work as well as looking out for everyone. He did have fun at times, but for the most part, he had always been nose to the grindstone as Michael had put it. He really had never given himself alone time to relax.
It was selfish in a way to take a break from your family. It's a lifetime commitment when you get married and have kids, but everyone needed a break. Ben had never given himself a break, and I'd rather him take some time off to relax if it meant that he wouldn't be so tired and stressed anymore. If he had to take some time away from us, then so be it.
"How long?" I finally asked. "It's not going to be for the whole six months will it?"
"No," Ben said. "I just need to de-stress, but I am not going to leave you alone to take care of three kids alone for a long time. I just want to take a vacation by myself. I won't be gone longer than September. I want to be back for when Alyssa starts school and your birthday. When I get back, I can actually relax with you and the kids for a while as well. I don't even think it will be for the whole summer."
I sighed. "Look, I understand. Michael even said it when he came to pick up the twins. Besides," and I hesitated before I confessed, "I listened in on your conversation with Barry the other night."
Ben grinned and rolled his eyed. "I kind of figured you had. I know you carry that extendible on you. Look, I am sorry for how I've been lately. I don't want to make excuses for my behaviour but that's what it is. Last night I couldn't sleep because I actually took my anger out on our little girl. I'll never forget that look on her face. I laid awake most of the night thinking, and I think this is my best bet. As much as I love being a Healer, maybe even a career change might be in the future as well."
"Hayden too," I reminded him. "You really should apologize to him for that. He looks up to you so much, and I know that bothered him. You know he wants to move in with us for the summer."
"That's why I am going to look into the house on Monday," he said. "If we can start building right away, at least he'll have a room of his own with us. I'll apologize to him the next time he comes over. I truly want to make sure you're okay with this though. I feel like a real prat by leaving my wife with three kids, and perhaps four if Hayden comes."
"Ben, I was offended at first, I'll admit that," I said. "However, if this is what you need to do, then I think you should do it. I know you've been stressed out and maybe Barry is right that you're having a quarter life crisis. What about the house though? Don't you need to supervise?"
"You, Barry and Michael, and even Keith know exactly how I want the house to look. I'm sure one of you can check up once and a while. I trust your judgment. This should have started when you were pregnant with the twins," Ben answered.
"You know we're going to miss you," I told him.
"I know," he said. "It's not as if I won't miss you either. I'm going to write to you every night."
"Where are you going?" I asked him.
"I've got to look into that, but that's something else I wanted to talk you about. I want us to have a summer house to get away to in the summers. I'm going to look for one. I want us to have somewhere to go to get away sometimes, and even our friends could use it," he said. "I'm going to find a nice summer home, and then stay there. That is if you want one."
"Of course," I said actually feeling excited since Ben had said: "We need to talk." It'd be good to have somewhere for the kids to go over the summer, or even the winter if he picked one where it's warm year round.
"Can it be somewhere warm year round?" I asked.
He nodded. "If that's what you want to do. We can discuss that over the weekend then. So you're okay with me going away for a while?"
"It's fine Ben," I said. "Just don't be gone too long. If you need to do this, then I am not going to stop you. I understand."
"This isn't a situation where you say it's okay, but it does bother you?" Ben pressed on.
"No it's not, I'd rather it if you weren't stressed to the point of a break down. Just don't ever let get this bad again. When do you plan on leaving?"
"We'll work that out this weekend. We planned to use this weekend as a time to spend together, so we will. We can also discuss that. I want to spend some time with the kids before I go. It's already relaxing to know I don't have to go back to work on Monday," he said.
I wondered if it was because I had summers off that I didn't feel the stress Ben did. That was another thing that I remembered. He'd let me have a year off while he worked, and he never seemed bothered by my summers off. So if he needed to take a break, I was going to grant him that.
We spent an amazing weekend together. It was the first time in over six months that we'd really spent time just talking and making love. Even after having kids, we still managed when they went to one of our family members or friends places. During the last six months when we'd try to have time together, Ben would still be moody. He seemed so much happier knowing it would be a while before he had to go back to work.
We discussed the plans for the house, where Ben would go vacation to find us a vacation home, and even the future when it came to our careers. Even though it had been his dream to be a Healer since he was twelve, and he loved what he did, he wasn't sure if he could keep doing it because of the hours. He told me didn't understand how some of the people had managed to do it most of their lives. Ben had gotten top NEWTs of course, and he was talented, so he could do anything he wanted. He also wanted more time to see the kids.
"I feel like it was only yesterday that Alyssa was born, and she is starting school in September. I barely even know the twins. One moment they were just crawling, and now they're two! Then there are my nieces and nephews, I barely get to see them when they visit. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Hayden and Minnie are starting primary five."
"I can't believe they'll be starting Hogwarts in a few years," I said. "Hayden will be coming over tomorrow by the way. He'll be staying for as long as he wants."
"Well we'll make sure he has his own room at the new place," Ben told me. "We'll have a guest room for the other kids, but I think Hayden will be spending most of his time with us."
"Just how many rooms are we talking anyway?" I asked with a frown.
"Well I want each of our kids to have their own rooms, a guest room and one for us obviously," Ben told me.
"I still think the twins should have connecting rooms," I told him. "Kind of like what my sister has in her place, but bigger. They can connect by the closet or the bathroom. I've heard of rooms connecting with a bathroom. The twins could share a bathroom. So we're talking about six bedrooms aren't we? One for us, one for each of the kids, one for Hayden and a guest room."
"More than that," Ben told me. "We still want to try for one more don't we? So we'd need an extra room for if we have another baby. I just don't want to push Hayden out of another room. The plan I designed could go up to eight rooms if we need it."
"Eight rooms? Ben, we're talking about a mansion here. Just how money are you getting from that trust fund? You're talking about a house that's even bigger than your parents' house! It's going to almost be bigger than Hanks!"
"We have the money now for a big enough house," Ben told me. "Between what I've made as a Healer, your jobs and the commission you get from George we could afford to do it right now. I'm getting the fund early however, so we'll be fine."
"It's overwhelming," I said. "I didn't think we had that much."
Of course I knew exactly what was in our Gringotts vault, but I still had a hard time with wizarding money and muggle money. I knew the difference of course, but I always forgot that one Galleon was a lot more than a pound. So it didn't seem as if we had as much as we really did. I always had to try to do the conversion and remember that if we changed all of our money to muggle money, it would be a higher number.
I'd never asked Ben just how much his grandparents had left each of his siblings. I knew it was quite a bit, but it still made me uncomfortable. I tried not to think about it most of the time.
"Anyway, we are getting five hundred thousand," Ben told me.
"Five hundred thousand galleons?" I asked. "And you say your family isn't rich."
"Our family and we're not rich. The Malfoys have a lot-"
"Ben do you realize how much that is in muggle money? We'd be considered rich in the muggle world."
"Not in the wizarding world," he told me.
"I don't care what you say, that is a lot of money," I said.
"It's really not when you compare it to actual rich families. You should see Malfoy manor sometime. Our house will seem small compared to his," Ben said. "Anyway, I don't understand why it bothers you," he added with some annoyance.
"Because I'm not used to things being handed to me," I told him. "I've worked for everything in my life."
"What if your sister won the lottery tomorrow?" Ben asked me. "She buys lottery tickets every week. Would you say she doesn't deserve that money?"
"No," I answered quickly.
"Then how is this different? You knew when you married me that we were getting this money. Besides, you've earned your fair share of money. At least our kids will have money. Our grandparents wanted to make sure we had money. Where else would they have put their money if it didn't go to their descendants? That includes Alyssa, William and Cameron," Ben told me.
"I guess so. They must have had a lot of money if they could give money to all the grand kids," I said to him.
"Well," Ben said uncomfortably. "It wasn't all of us. A lot of the older ones didn't get as much. It was mainly my family and Sam's family. I doubt they know that though."
"What made you so special then?" I asked.
"Our parents," Ben replied. "They watched the ones who were actually earning their money, and not just relying on an inheritance."
"But that's not really fair to the grand kids," I told him. "They can't help how their parents were."
Ben just shrugged. "They weren't left with nothing. Are we done discussing this now? It's really not that big of a deal. I know you don't want the kids to grow up how you or Michael did. At least the kids won't have to work for it."
"Actually I'd rather they did," I said. "It's as you just said. I don't want them to rely on an inheritance. When they're older, I'd want them to earn some money for school. I don't want them to work as young as Michael and I did. I'd say at least around fifteen or sixteen they should."
"Fair enough," Ben replied. "Look, I'm just saying that they won't have to have your lives. They'll grow up comfortably. You've also earned your money, and we're married. Between your commissions, and your jobs you've actually earned more than me."
"That's another thing I wanted to talk about," I said.
It was Sunday and I knew the kids would be back soon, so I wanted to bring it up before they got back. I figured now was the best time.
"The other night you seemed irritated that I am still a teacher instead of going to Experimental Charms full time. Does it really bother you?"
"No," Ben said quickly. "I was being a git. If you're happy being a teacher, I think you should stay a teacher. It's just that you have so much potential in Experimental Charms that I don't understand why you don't do it full time. I don't understand why you're doing both. It just seems to me that you're looking for a career change too, but you just haven't. I should have worded it differently the other night. I know you've been considering it now that the kids are all starting school."
"I am considering it. I like being a teacher, but I also like experimenting as well. Now that Alyssa is starting school, I just feel it might be time to move on. I might do it one more year for her first year, but after that I might move on to Experimental Charms full time. I'd like the twins to be in separate classes after all. I want them to learn to be individuals. I don't want them to rely on each other. Twins often do."
Ben nodded. "Look, I'm sorry for being a git lately and for saying that to you. While I'm off work I'm going to look into other jobs besides Healing. I don't know if I want to leave it completely but I'm going to look into my options."
A lot of people weren't impressed with Ben. They supported his decision to take a leave of absence, but they didn't think it was a good idea for him to take a vacation. His mother who had always stood behind him, even during the last six months wasn't happy with him.
"You're leaving your wife to take care of four kids while you're out on vacation? You're a grown man Ben!" She'd told him angrily.
"Look, if Ben needs to get away for a while, then I support him," I told Ellen after she went on a rant about it. "It's not any different from when he is at work when you think about. The kids are usually in bed when he gets home, or if he's on midnights then he is sleeping during the day. He doesn't plan to be gone long."
I'd gone to her place for a visit, and left Ben with the kids. It was a nice change to be able to leave him with them. Normally I had to find someone to take care of them because he was always at work, or he was sleeping. He didn't really get the chance to have alone time with them. He'd told me he was going to make it up to Hayden later by taking him out alone when I came home.
"But now that Hayden is staying with you, you're going to be looking after four kids!" Ellen said.
Hayden had moved in the Monday after our weekend together. He had no problems sleeping on the couch. He even informed me that he would even sleep on the floor in the twin's room if he had to. However, he was actually a big help. He could keep the twins and even Alyssa entertained if I had to do something. All three of my kids worshipped the boy, and I even believed they saw him as an older brother.
"Hayden is actually a lot of help," I told her. "He's never been any trouble, but the kids love him. He keeps an eye on the twins all the time."
"But he's turning nine," Ellen told me. "He isn't always going to want to hang out with little kids. Look, I loved Timmy when I was younger too, and I kept him entertained but it was hard to spend all my time with a four year old when I was nine. Hayden and Alyssa have the same age difference."
"So I'll let him see Minnie sometimes," I said. "Ben needs this. I'd rather him be on vacation than to be grumpy all the time. He needs to relax and get rid of some stress. Everyone is acting as if he's abandoning us. As bad as it sounds, sometimes people need breaks."
Ellen looked as if she disagreed but she didn't say anything. I was surprised because in the past, she usually stuck up for Ben in some way. However, this time she seemed to believe Ben was completely in the wrong. Perhaps it was because of the way he'd been during the last six months.
"Well, if you need help then let me know," she finally said.
"And now we're getting the house ready too, so that should help," I continued. "We won't be so cramped." Then wanting to change the subject, I asked: "Are you and Keith going to look into it now too then."
She nodded. "Well if we're living next door to each other, we'll wait and see how much room yours takes up," and she smiled for the first time since I'd come over. "From the looks of the floorplan and everything else, he is planning on quite a house."
"I know," I said uncomfortably. "It seems wrong."
"Why?" Ellen asked. "If you can afford it, you should. We're planning a nice place as well. We don't have nearly as much as the two of you, but we are planning a fair size too. We'd like one more kid as well, and an extra room for guests."
"Ben's talking an eight bedroom house Ellen," I told her. "He wants a nice master bedroom for us, and then a room for each of the kids, including Hayden and then a guest room… and he is hoping for one more kid. He wants four kids."
Ellen shrugged again. "I still don't see what the big deal is. You and Michael both have issues with money."
"We've both always worked for everything," I answered her. "We're not used to having a lot. I've been okay with the condo because it's fair size, and it's smaller than my mums house. Hogwarts doesn't count."
Ellen just laughed. "Eventually you'll have to adjust to it. Ben is planning on having that house up and ready as soon as possible. He told me he wants the pool going this year."
"That's still strange to me about how fast wizarding homes can be built," I said. "In the muggle world, there is no way we could have a place that size ready already and a pool! I know magic has been a part of my life since I was twelve, but still."
"Well it makes me wonder why he hasn't started it before now," Ellen said with a frown. "He says he hasn't had time, but now he is getting the house built while he's gone. The house will be built quickly, so it doesn't make sense to me."
I shrugged. "We have the trust fund now, that's probably why. It will be neat seeing it getting built though. The kids already know too. Well, the twins don't fully understand but Hayden and Alyssa know. Hayden is just happy he'll be getting a room again."
"How long is he staying with you?" Ellen asked.
"For as long as he wants to," I said. "I just wish Rachel would come to her senses, but lately it seems she is happy that he's staying with me. She's with a muggle, and so Hayden can't be himself. I never thought I'd be disappointed in her. She's always put Hayden first before any guy."
"Why exactly does Hayden hate him?" Ellen asked. "Is it just because he doesn't want her dating, or is there more to it than that."
"Hayden is used to her dating," I told her. "He even loved her ex-boyfriend, and he was upset when she broke up with him. He hasn't gone into detail about it except that he bosses him around. He told me he tried grounding him when he lost his temper and accidentally broke a lamp."
"By magic?" Ellen asked and I nodded. "Well, I guess that's the problem with dating a muggle. He won't understand the magic, but I can see Hayden's point."
"Terry has always understood," I said. "And Rachel even told me she thought her ex sensed something, but he didn't mind."
"Not every muggle is going to be like Terry," Ellen said. "Terry is a rare case."
"I know, but it should be a sign when your kid hates your boyfriend so much that he has to move out," I said.
"I don't know if I agree with that," Ellen told me. "Remember Jaime? If he makes Rachel happy, then maybe she should pursue the relationship. You really should find out more from Hayden exactly what it is that makes him hate this bloke. We could be judging her when Hayden might be a brat. Kids can hate when parents date. Remember how Timmy and I felt when it came to dad?"
"Jaime didn't hate Terry. It was more than one thing that caused her to move out. She even blamed my magic for that," I told her. "But wasn't that because you felt abandoned by your dad?"
"It was mainly that, but it was also because I didn't want him to date. Even if I liked his girlfriend's back then, I wouldn't have accepted it. Now I want my parents to be happy," she told me. "Hayden is still young and he doesn't understand. I'm not saying it's the same situation, but Hayden was six when she dated her ex. He's almost nine now."
"You could be right. He'll be staying with us long enough that I can find out. Maybe I'll even get Ben to talk to him tonight about it. He is usually more honest with Ben than anyone else… except maybe Minnie."
"Maybe he has even told Minnie," Ellen said.
"Maybe, but doesn't it seem wrong to ask a seven year old things like that?" I asked.
"Not if it can help find out if there is a problem," Ellen said. "It's what I did with Timmy when he was that age. Kids talk to each other. Minnie is his best friend, so he probably told her too."
"There is a good chance of that," I said but I wasn't even sure how I could bring it up to her. For the moment I would see if I could get Ben to talk to Hayden, if he couldn't, perhaps I could get Tasha or Barry to talk to Minnie. "Anyway, I've decided it's time to get my license. I've practiced enough, so now I am actually going to go for the road test. Hank has taught me well. I think it's time we get a vehicle."
"Are you going to buy the car from Ben's parents?" Ellen asked.
"No, Barry and Tasha claimed that a while ago," I told her. "I think we'll just get a normal van. Besides, I know how to charm it if it comes to that."
"That's something we should do as well," Ellen said. "The girls are so much older now, and it's hard to always apparate with them when we are carrying things."
"That's why I am doing it," I said. "With three kids it's always so inconvenient, and now with adding Hayden to the mix it's worse. Michael and Jared said they'd watch the kids while I do this."
I was actually quite nervous about getting my license. I was confident behind the wheel now, but I was comfortable with Hank as a passenger. I was going to have an examiner watch my every move. It reminded me of when we had to get our apparition licenses. Hank had told me that as long as I did as well as I did with him, I'd be fine.
As soon as the work on the house started, Ben left shortly after that to Florida. He'd seen some cheap homes out there that he wanted to look at. The twins still had their condo down there, so he was going to stay there. People were still really unhappy with him for what he was doing, so he didn't really get much of a good-bye from our family and friends. I had some people even volunteering to help me out if I needed it.
I didn't understand their anger, and I was tired of explaining it to people. People went on vacations from their families all the time. I didn't understand why he shouldn't take some time away. In fact, I knew that Tara had taken a months' vacation from Aaron and their kids. I wondered if it was because of Ben's attitude lately that people weren't impressed. I was sure that if the circumstances were different, they wouldn't be so against it.
"I think it's just leaving you with four kids," Michael told me when I brought this up. He was the only other person who understood. "I think that they get that he needs a vacation. We've all seen how stressed he's been. I'm sure they'll come to their senses eventually. Think about it though, when was the last time you had a true vacation?"
"The kids go away for weekends all the time," I reminded him. "Besides, I get summers off every year."
"But you take care of the kids all day anyway. I don't think you've had time to yourself since before you had Alyssa," he said. "I also think it's because of his attitude too as you said. I think people are just angry with Ben in general."
"He's been getting to his old self since he took a leave of absence," I told Michael.
Usually every few days I would go over and check on the house. Even though magic had been part of my life for nearly thirteen years, and I was good with charms, I was still amazed at what it could do. The house was going up so quickly. There was no way that a house that huge could go up that quick in the muggle world without there being problems. I felt overwhelmed just by the size of it.
I tried to take the kids as often as I could as well so they could see their new home. Usually I had to get the help of my friends. Both Alyssa and Hayden were excited about it, and both kept asking when we could move in. Barry was almost there every day to make sure things were going smoothly. As upset as he was with his brother, he wanted to make sure that everything went according to plan.
"I'm surprised you're going to fill up the pool," Michael told me one day as we walked around the backyard to check how the landscaping was going. "You guys will only get a few weeks of use out of it."
I shrugged. "A few weeks is better than nothing," I told him. "At least the kids can have a little fun, and I think we can even get away with keeping it open until the end of September."
If things kept going to plan, we'd be able to move in the second week of August.
In the meanwhile, I went for my license and as nervous as I was, I surprisingly passed. I thought I made a few mistakes, but if I did, it wasn't enough to fail. I felt so excited when I got the certificate saying I'd passed. As soon as I passed, I went to shop for a van and car seats. It felt good to pull up to our building in the nice shiny blue van I'd found. I'd already written to Michael that I'd passed, so he had the kids waiting downstairs for me.
"You drive like Grandpa Alexander now!" Alyssa said to me excitedly. "Can we go for a ride now?"
"Sure, we can go look at the new house," I told her.
"Did you tell Ben?" Michael asked me.
"I'm waiting until he gets home, and he sees it," I said. "I want it to be a surprise. He's coming back for the move. So he'll be back in a couple weeks or so."
Every year Brianne, Nick, Barry and Tasha had a joint birthday party for Minnie and Charles. Their birthdays were only weeks apart in July, so once they got a little older, they decided to have a big party at the Hoofer's every year. They always let them invite their friends over for a combined pool party. It was hard to believe that Minnie was now eight and Charles was six.
It always brought back memories to Ben's pool parties and I hoped our kids would keep up the tradition at our place. Now I understood how my mother and Mrs. Hoofer felt when my sister and I invited our friends. They loved having our places at the party houses, and soon ours would be too. However, it still took some time getting used to being the parent at the parties. There were times when we still had our pool parties, but back in the day it had been us who had to be supervised. Now we had to do the supervising.
Minnie and Charles each had a good number of friends from their classes. Most of the kids I of course recognized since I'd taught some, but I'd also seen them around the school. That year Charles was even inviting James Potter and Fred Weasley. Both Ellen and Brianne were excited that Michelle and Charles had befriended the famous family, even if it was inevitable with them in the same class. Ellen was already secretly planning a wedding. I'd actually had the opportunity to teach Albus Potter and Rose Weasley the year before.
I felt happy just to drive to the Hoofer's place in my van. It took longer to get there, but I could take so much more with me. I didn't know why I hadn't thought of it sooner. I knew the kids were all excited about it as well. They loved swimming. Alyssa had been taking swimming lessons since she was two and the twins had just started theirs. Hayden was already a strong swimmer. He was a lot better than I was at the age of twenty-four.
As soon as we entered the house, all four of the kids ran straight through the house and out back. I took my time since I had the presents for Minnie and Charles. Mrs. Hoofer smiled and gave me a tight hug.
"How are you doing sweetheart?" She asked me.
She asked me this every time she saw me. I knew she was still feeling upset about Ben leaving on vacation. I didn't believe she was as upset as she was, but I think it still bothered her a little. She'd even told me she understood her son needed a vacation, but she hated that I was left alone to take care of four children on my own.
"I'm fine, really I am," I told her. "And the house is coming a long perfectly you know."
"I just wish Ben could be here for this," Mrs. Hoofer said. "He's always been busy, but he has never missed any of the kid's birthdays."
"He'll be back in August though," I said. "He wants to be back in time for us to move into the house, and then he wants to spend time with Alyssa and me before school starts. He wants to see the twins too of course, but he'll be spending all day with them anyway."
She led me into their family room where there was already two small piles of gifts, one was for Charles and the other for Minnie. We then walked out into the kitchen where she offered me a drink before we went to the patio. Most of the kids were already there and most of them were in the pool. I'd let the kids put their bathing suits on under their clothes. Hayden and Alyssa were already in the pool with the other kids. Brianne was just fitting water wings and life jackets on William and Cameron.
Brianne stood up and looked me over after the twins scurried off. "Have you lost even more weight? Come on Ashley, this has to stop. You're getting too skinny."
"I'm fine." I answered defensively. I really wasn't that thin. I'd seen girls a lot thinner than me.
"Well you wouldn't know you've had twins anyway," Tasha said to me. "I've had two kids and my hips are always going to be bigger than what they were."
"So are mine," I told her. "If you took a picture of me at seventeen, and a picture of me now you'd see that I'm not as thin as I was."
"But you're still really bony, and you're not that much bigger," Brianne told me. "Sometimes I think you have an eating disorder. You've definitely lost some weight since Ben left."
"I haven't changed my eating habits, and actually with Ben gone I haven't been able to do my exercises as much. Look I am fine. Do I have to eat a piece of cake to prove it?" I demanded.
It made me wonder if Ben had confided to Brianne about my problems in the past. I had a feeling he had because of the time he thought I was taking advantage of his work schedule years ago. Perhaps she even knew about the skiving snackboxes. I really hadn't changed my eating habits. I always ate as heathy as possible, but I never missed a meal, and I certainly wasn't doing anything stupid. Maybe it was because I was on the go with four kids all the time that I had lost some.
Brianne gave me a small smile. "I'm sorry okay. It's just I've always considered you as my sister, even before you married my brother I have seen you that way. I always thought of you and Ellen as my baby sisters. I just don't want to see you get sick," and she leaned forward and said in a low voice so Tasha couldn't hear, "Ben did tell me what was going on years ago with the snackboxes."
"I was sixteen!" I said with irritation. "I had one moment of stupidity when I was sixteen, and now I have to hear about it for the rest of my life?"
"Why what happened?" Tasha asked looking from me to Brianne.
Everyone else was deep in their conversations. Timmy and June who were now nineteen had taken William and Cameron into the pool. They had each taken a twin, and were both helping them learn to swim. Just as we had predicted years ago, the two of them had started dating in their sixth year. Even though they were older, I still found it odd but I'd known Timmy since he was six, and June since she was eleven.
"I was worried about weight gain, so I bought the puking skiving snackboxes to make myself throw up," and Tasha gasped. "I didn't do it though. I realized how stupid it was. Ellen confronted me about it, and then Ben found out. I promised them both I wouldn't, and I never did. All the weight I've ever lost, I did it in a healthy way. I have never ever starved myself."
Tasha nodded with understanding. "Okay, so I don't understand the problem now," she said to Brianne. "Everyone does something stupid when they're young. She isn't doing that now. I believe her. I can tell when people are lying, and she isn't lying."
"Because Ben isn't around and Ashley has taken advantage of his absence before," Brianne said. "I'm just looking out for you," she added to me and Tasha laughed.
"She did that when she was Head Girl and she was eighteen when she did that," Tasha said with amusement. "I still don't get your point."
"I'm just worried about the weight loss and the problems with Ben lately," Brianne said. "I know you'll do anything to please him."
"Well I am not purposely losing weight for Ben," I said. "Besides it wouldn't matter if he's around or not. We were having problems before he left. We've been getting along the way we used to."
"Look I'm sorry," Brianne insisted. "I'm only asking because you know I love you. Let's just go enjoy the party, okay?"
She walked off over to where Alyssa and Mackenzie were playing together. Ellen hadn't arrived with Clarissa and Michelle yet. Just as we'd all hoped, the three girls were turning out to be best friends. I hoped they would always be that way, even if they made other friends in school. I liked the fact that Alyssa could be good friends with her cousin just as Ben had been with Sam. Richard usually played with them as well, and I wondered if they would be a group of four friends.
"Please don't tell anyone about this," I told Tasha as we watched Brianne go. "I really don't want anyone else on my case."
"I promise I won't," Tasha told me. "We all make stupid decisions when we're young. I've noticed with the Hoofer men that they don't let things go at times. I'm thinking it must be the same with the women as well."
"Tell me about it," I said. "I know she's just concerned though."
We walked over to the pool. I made my way over to where Timmy and June were still playing with the twins.
"Look mummy!" William shouted. "I'm swimming!"
"Yes you are, and you're doing really good too," I told him as I knelt down.
"Cameron seemed a little more nervous," June told me, "but I think he's relaxing a little more now."
He had fallen in the pool once, but I wondered if it was possible for him to even remember that. It had happened a year ago when Mrs. Hoofer had turned her back for a second. Usually they had charms around the pool now that we had little ones. It was supposed to prevent the little ones to get too close, but is must have worn off. At any rate, he still got a little nervous when he went into the water. I hoped once they had swimming lessons more that would change.
"He usually is at first," I told her. "We just have to get him to swim more. So how are you two anyway? It's been months since I last saw the two of you. How are the others?"
"We're fine," June told me and she held up her left hand to show me a ring.
"You're engaged?" I asked excitedly and they nodded. "Congratulations!"
"Thanks, I just proposed last week. I told Ellen not to tell you because we wanted to tell you ourselves," Timmy told me.
"And I want you to be one of the bridesmaids," June continued. "I want Tracy, Sally-Anne, Madison and Ellen. Alana is going to be my Maid of Honour."
"I'm honoured, of course I'll be a bridesmaid!"
Alana had married Rory, just as we'd predicted years ago. I'd been the Maid of Honour for her wedding. She'd had a hard time picking between June and me, but in the end she'd picked me since I'd known her the longest, and it had been me who'd helped her in the first year. June had understood completely, and she'd even told me that I deserved it more. I understood why she picked Alana now. I'd helped her out, but Alana was her best female friend out of all of us.
"And we want Alyssa to be the flower girls," she said. "I couldn't pick just one."
"She even wanted Michelle to be part of it as well," Timmy told me with amusement, "but we decided to add her as a junior bridesmaid instead. We have several kids to choose from to even it out. It's hard leaving people out when there are so many that we want included. We want all of the little ones. Cameron and William will be the Ring bearers."
"It's your wedding; include as many people as you want. We'll be more than happy to let the kids be part of it," I told them. "So what about the others? How is Madison? I haven't heard from her in a while."
Madison was a sweet girl, but she'd never been able to make friends with the other Hufflepuff's in her year. She'd always stayed friends with June's group until they left, but she'd also made friends with some of the other Hufflepuff's and some of the other people in her year. I didn't understand it because our Hufflepuff group had always gotten along, even years after leaving Hogwarts we still all talked to each other. I couldn't figure out how some people could get left out.
Madison had kept our sister group going however. I knew that in her third year she'd helped out a first year boy and girl get to know each other, and they continued the tradition. It was hard to believe that something I'd started in my fourth year was still going on. The boy Stuart, had actually decided to help out shy boys. So now there was a brother group as well as a sister group. There were three new girls (including Greta, the girl Madison had helped) who was part of it. I hadn't met the youngest girl yet however.
"Not many of us have," June told me. "She's a female version of Ben. She said she'd go to your house party though, and we're going to bring Darcy, the newest recruit. Darcy wants to meet the one who started it all."
"Well she's more than welcome to come over if her mother doesn't mind," I said.
Sometimes I worried that the parents of some of the kids at Hogwarts wouldn't want their kids going to our place. I'd always been surprised with Timmy's friends, and even some of their younger friends when they were allowed. As soon as I left Hogwarts I figured parents would find this odd, but they seemed to trust me. Perhaps it was because I was a teacher as well now.
"Well they know you're a teacher," June said. "They've met me when I went to the train station to pick up Madison. I told them all about our sister group. I'm sure they'd even be happy to meet you. I'm sure you've even met Darcy since she went to the primary as well."
Timmy frowned as let William go, who was demanding to try on his own.
"I'm surprised there are still shy kids. I figured that school would have helped," he said.
"I went to primary school, and so did Alana and June," I reminded him. "We do our best to help out the shy kids. I usually try to find out who is shy at the beginning of the year, but it's something that can stay with you. A lot of the time it's something kids are born with. I still get shy and I'm going to be twenty-five. I've come a long way since my first year, and I've accomplished a lot but it's still something I get when I first meet people."
"It helps with an older student," June said. "You and Alana were my life savers. I mean, I was always grateful to my friends," she added as she grinned lovingly at Timmy who smiled back, "but it's just when someone older takes interest, it really helps. It's easier when you know they were once in your place, and things got better for them. Plus the other students are envious of you when they know you're hanging out with sixth and seventh years. I think that was Madison's problem too. I know it was Alana's. The girls hated that she had older friends. They hated that she got invited to parties for older kids."
"They could have too if they'd be her friend," I said. "It was because of you and Timmy that your other friends were invited. It's the same with the girls that were in Alana's year. Look at Tracy. She changed as soon as I took interest in her, and showed her what would happen if she kept up her attitude. Now she's turned out to be a wonderful person."
"You've always managed to bring the best out of people," someone said behind me.
I nearly fell into the pool when I heard the voice. I turned excitedly to see a tanned Ben grinning at me.
"Ben!"I shouted as I threw my arms around my husband.
"DADDY!" Alyssa screamed from the pool.
We turned to watch her swim to the edge and scramble out of the pool. She ran over to us and Ben let go of me to lift her up. Timmy and June lifted the twins out of the pool so they could hurry over and join the family reunion. Ben was able to lift up Cameron easily while he still held Alyssa, and I picked up William.
"I thought you were staying away for another couple of weeks," I said.
"I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time," Ben said as he kissed my cheek. "I missed all of you too much, and I couldn't miss my niece and nephews birthday party."
"Welcome home Ben!" Hayden said excitedly as he rushed over to hug him as well. "You should see the house! It's really big and we were able to go inside it the last time we were there. Ashley let me pick out my room."
"I was just there in fact," Ben told Hayden. "The house is looking very nice. I just hope you didn't pick the master bedroom," he added with a wink.
"Nope, but it's the biggest room I've ever seen," Hayden told him.
"Daddy, never go away that long again," Alyssa told Ben.
"Don't worry, I'll be spending more time at home from now on," he told her. "I won't be going back to work for a while."
"You won't be tired anymore?" She asked.
"Nope. You'll see me so much that you'll wish I will go away," he said happily.
"No I won't," she said. "I'll never want you to go away ever daddy."
"Let me know how you feel ten years from now," he told her with a laugh.
The rest of Ben's family had hurried over to see him. He gently set Alyssa and Cameron on their feet before he turned to hug his mother. They must have all forgiven him because they were all excited to see him as well, even Barry pulled him into a brotherly hug. After they all hugged him, Ben turned to look for Minnie and Charles to wish them a Happy Birthday. Although Charles wouldn't be six until the end of the month, he still went and said it to him anyway.
The rest of the day was spent socializing and keeping an eye out on the kids in the pool. Harry and George had both told us that they tried to keep their kids' lives as normal as possible. So we had to remind some people to give them space. I didn't blame them for wanting to their kids to have normal childhoods. I already knew this for all the Weasley and Potter kids. We'd even agreed to keep the war out of the curriculum at the school. Hogwarts already touched on the subject enough. I remembered how hard it had been to try and seem normal with little Dominique, but after a while I got used to it. As young as they were, the other kids respected this, or at least their parents respected it.
When Ellen had arrived, she'd nearly squealed in excitement at the sight of Hayden and James laughing together. Once she calmed down, she greeted Ben in a cool voice, and then joined Keith and Michael at the patio table. Ben glanced at me and shrugged before we followed over to join the other adults. From there we could watch the kids in the pool, and intervene anytime we needed. Timmy and June seemed more than happy to stay in the pool with them.
Everyone else seemed to have forgiven Ben, so they were also listening intently as he talked about where he Florida.
"Must be nice to pick up and leave that way," Ellen said and Ben glared at her,
"What is your problem Ellen?" Ben asked angrily.
"You are my problem Ben!" She said angrily. "I don't understand how everyone at this table can just forgive you. You've been nothing but rude to all of us for months, and then you just pick up and leave your wife with four kids!"
"Ellen dear this really isn't the time," Mrs. Hoofer said. "It's Charles and Minnie's birthday party. We don't need any fighting."
"Fine," she said firmly. "This isn't over though. I really do think we all need to talk about this. I know Ashley has forgiven him, but I haven't. I know we've had our issues in the past, but other then that I've always been a good friend to you. I don't appreciate how you treated me, or the stress you put my best friend through."
"Once the party is over we'll talk about it," Ben told Ellen and he looked around at everyone. "She does have a point though. I do owe everyone apology however. I can't deny that. So after the party is over, and all of the kids have gone to bed, we'll talk."
Generally when we had the birthday party, we just let the kids stay overnight at the Hoofers. They all loved staying over at their grandparents. Sometimes us adults stayed or we went home, however the kids always stayed. Normally once they all went to bed, we were able to all sit back and relax with some drinks.
"Thank you," Tasha said. "For now lets just have a civilized conversation. Let the kids have their day."
So that's what we did. After a while, we brought out the cakes so that both Charles and Minnie could blow out their candles. Once we did that, we served the kids their food. We let them all sit on the deck to eat their food. They usually all had their groups of friends. It reminded me back to when we'd had our pool parties. The kids already had their own little groups of friends, and I wondered what it would be like for them at Hogwarts. Would the ones who got along now stay friends if they were sorted in different houses?
I glanced over at Alyssa who was sitting with Clarissa, Mackenzie and Richard. I wondered how that foursome would work out. Would Richard feel strange eventually being the only boy? Would they have a big group of friends when they started Hogwarts? I wondered what it would be like seeing all of these kids ten years from now.
Once they were done eating, we took them all inside to open the gifts. With children their age, it didn't take long for the gifts to be opened even when there was a lot. They wanted to tear into the gifts as fast as possible. I walked over to Ellen while they did this.
"Look, I know you're angry with Ben," I told her. "Just try not to go too hard on him."
"He's a big boy, he can take care of himself," Ellen told me. "You know, I'll admit there was a time when I didn't treat him well. However, I was a teenage girl who couldn't control her emotions. Ben is going to be twenty-five years old. Other than the times when I took my problems out on him, I've always been a good friend to him. I am going to have my say tonight, and he is going to listen. Ben used to tell people off, including me for that. I just can't believe everyone has forgiven him."
"To be honest, I don't think they have," I said to her. "It's just that it's a birthday party right now. This is a special day for the kids. We can't ruin it for them by having a fight. Remember how you and Timmy hated it when your parents fought? You of all people know that kids sense tension. I'm sure even Alyssa sensed it when she went to your place that one weekend. She looked worried."
"She did sense it," Ellen told me. "She told me all weekend how worried she was about both of you. She said that Ben was tired all of the time and that you were sad all the time. That's the thing right there, it was even affecting the children, they know when something is wrong. Alyssa even told me she wanted to go home just to check up on you. She didn't feel right leaving you."
I glanced over at my little girl with admiration and love. She was of course sitting with Mackenzie and Clarissa. I could understand Ellen's anger now, even if I had forgiven him. It wasn't right for our little girl to feel that way. The twins were still so young, but she was old enough to understand. I remembered being her age and knowing that something wasn't right between my own mother and father.
"Anyway," Ellen said. "You never said if you found out what was going on between Hayden and Rachel's boyfriend. Is there any news on that yet? I see that he is still living with you, so they're obviously still together."
"He just said he's not nice to him, and he even once called him a freak," I said. "I told Rachel, but she's not willing to believe it. I know Hayden wouldn't lie about that. I am thinking this bloke noticed the magic, but he doesn't understand it so he insults Hayden. I'm not letting him go back that. I understand what it's like to have someone call you a freak. This man is supposed to be an adult, and he is insulting an eight year old boy."
Ellen looked over at Hayden who was sitting very close to Minnie.
"I can't imagine how any adult could look into an innocent child's eyes and say that," Ellen said angrily. "And how can Rachel deny it? She knows what you went through!"
I shook my head. "She just keeps defending him. I don't understand what it is about him. If things had gotten to the point that Ben and I ended it, there is no way I'd put some new bloke ahead of the kids!"
"Maybe he's good in bed," Ellen said with a small smile.
"If Rachel picked sex over that boy I would be fighting for custody," I said annoyed. "In a way, if she doesn't smarten up her act, I might consider doing just that."
"Just be careful with that. You don't want to cause a rift between you two. What if she doesn't let you see him anymore? What if she stops him from seeing the wizarding world?" Ellen asked.
"She'd be having a fight on her hands then," I said. "I'd fight for Hayden as if he were my own child. I'm hoping this is just a temporary thing. I hope it doesn't come to that, but if it does, I'll do whatever it takes. It's not fair to Hayden."
I doubted that she would deny Hayden the wizarding world however. I was actually worried that she would let us take him, and she would turn her back on her own son. She'd changed so much from the person that she used to be. Since he had come over, she had not once asked how he was doing. She had not requested that he come back home again. She seemed perfectly happy to let him stay with us. I couldn't imagine not wanting my children around.
When the children were all finally in bed, we all settled back outside with some drinks. At first we discussed how well the party went.
"So when are we going to discuss this?" Ellen suddenly demanded.
"We can now if you want," Ben told her. "I know I've been a git lately, and if anyone has something to say, you might as well now. I know you were all complaining about me… not that I can blame you. I do apologize for how I've been lately."
"Already forgiven," Barry told him. "At first I didn't agree with you going on with vacation, but Ashley has really stood by you," and he gave Ben a significant look. It made me wonder if they had talked some more about our marriage when I wasn't around. "I understand why you needed to get away. Sometimes people do need to get away, even if means going on vacation by themselves from their families."
The others murmured their agreement to this.
"Maybe I can understand that," Ellen said. "I've never needed it, so I can't put myself in your shoes for that. What I am not happy with is what was going on before the vacation. I still don't like how you left Ashley alone with four kids. That's between you two though. I don't agree with it, but whatever. I get you were stressed out, but instead of talking to any of us about it, you took your anger out on us. I'm sure if you would have come to any of us, and told us how you felt we would have understood. You always have worked very hard for yourself and your family."
"I'm sorry, but I disagree with you Ellen," Tasha suddenly spoke up. "I disagree with anyone who was against Ben's trip. Everyone needs a break once and a while. When you ask people to take Michelle and Clarissa for a weekend, you are taking a break from the kids. Barry and I have taken breaks. The only difference here is that Ben went away on his own. I would hope that if I needed to go on a vacation on my own, I wouldn't face all the judgment he's had but I guess not. I've always seen this family as a supportive one."
"Of course we'd support you," Barry told her quickly.
"So why isn't Ben getting the same support?" Tasha demanded.
"This isn't about that," Ellen said.
"Well I think it is since you brought it up," Tasha answered her. "I have problems with Ben's attitude, but I don't see anything wrong with going away. We were all here to support Ashley while he was gone, and she knew that. She doesn't have a problem with it, so why should we?"
"Ashley always says she's fine with something when she really isn't," Ellen argued.
"Not this time," I told her. "I was upset at first, and I even told Ben that but once I thought about it, I changed my mind. He's been working very hard since he was twelve years old. Other than when we traveled, he has not given himself a break. So I supported it. Honestly, I didn't feel stressed with him gone. If I needed something, people did come over and help out. Whatever problems Ben and I had, we sat down and talked about it all when we sent the kids away. So this is between Ben and everyone else. There is no need to drag me into it when I've forgiven him."
"Fine," Ellen said icily. "I've been doing nothing but trying to support you Ben, and I even defended you when everyone else complained about you. Yet anytime I tried to talk to you, you were very rude to both Keith and me."
"And I am sorry about that Ellen," Ben said. "You're right, I shouldn't have let things get the way they did. I used to get upset with the rest of you when you bottled it up. I just felt since I had a family and a career that I had to suck it up. I should have just talked to Ashley, or the rest of you about it. I won't let it happen again. I spent a lot of time thinking when I was away. I apologize to everyone."
"Apology accepted mate," Michael told him right away.
"Son, you know you can come to us at any time," Mr. Hoofer told him. "So I do hope you have learned from this. This is exactly why we used to tell you to have more fun when you were younger. I was worried something like this would happen."
"I told you this after your first year," Barry told Ben. "I knew you didn't take me seriously then. I know you've always felt that since you were Hufflepuff instead of Ravenclaw that you had to prove yourself. You've more than proved yourself."
"Well I've already forgiven you," Brianne said. "I'll admit I was upset, but it does happen and you've realized your mistake. There is no need to dwell on it."
"I've always known this would happen too," Brenda said. "But you wouldn't take my advice either. You've never taken me seriously however. I never really had to feel the wrath of your anger since you don't talk much to me much anyway. For the most part however, I've always respected you up until now. I knew how you were treating your wife, and I never thought you'd be that way with Ashley. She says things are fine between you two though, so I forgive you. I just hope you don't let things get that far again."
"I've already forgiven you," Mrs. Hoofer told him. "Not much else needs to be said."
I glanced over at Ellen who looked as if she wanted to forgive him, but she was also stubborn. Some things about her would never change though. I knew she was going to forgive however.
"Just don't ever treat me that way again," Ellen finally said after a few others put in their input. "I know I had my problems when we were kids, but I was a teenager. I've grown past that. You're a grown man. You had more sense when you were sixteen than you've shown in the last six months. You don't seem to realize that it affected Alyssa as well."
"I know it affected Alyssa," Ben told her. "That's what made me realize that I needed to smarten up. Have you had your say?"
"Yes," she finally said. "I just hope next time you speak up."
The atmosphere around the table changed considerably after that. It felt the way things used to back in the day. I realized that no matter how much older we grew, we would still be able to have fun. When I'd hit around twenty-two, I'd always worried that our fun times would end. However, Ben's parents were a lot older than us and they could still have fun. Barry would be thirty-one soon and he definitely still had fun.
Ben and I decided to go home for the night; we'd go back for the kids and the van the next day.
"I'm surprised Ellen held back," Ben told me as we. "I thought she'd have more to say to me."
"I think she was ready to forgive you," I said. "She just wanted to have her say first. She was angry, but she's had time. I think if it had been a month ago, she would have actually yelled at you. Michael had already forgiven you."
"I don't know about that," Ben said.
"He told me he understood why you needed to get away. He fully supported your decision," I told him.
"I believe that, but Michael still gets afraid to really have his say when he is upset with us. He doesn't have anyone but us and Jared. He's scared of losing us. That probation thing still affects him even thirteen years later," Ben told me.
"Your parents and mine have told him that they'll always see him as a son. He get invitations to both our family get togethers, and if we have together then he is invited," I said.
"I know, but he is still insecure about it. We haven't had a loss the same way he's had. Not only did he lose his parents, but he knew they really didn't want him before it happened. They beat him after all. He never found out why they wanted him to visit. He's always felt like an outsider in our group. So he's afraid even now to give his opinion. He doesn't want to lose us," Ben told me. "So I just doubt he'll tell me if he's angry."
"I honestly think he's just okay with it this time," I said. "He was upset at first, but he got over it."
Ben fell asleep before I did. I laid there wondering if what he said was true. Did Michael still worry that we would end the friendship? It was something I would have to ask him. I remembered there was a time when we really hadn't been close. That had changed over the years, he usually confided in me more than he did Ellen or Ben. I believed Jared would always be his closest friend even if he had been part of our group, but something had changed over the years. It was me he always wrote to before the others.
I snuggled up closer to Ben and closed my eyes. It was the first time I really felt content and relaxed in a very long time.
