Chapter Twenty Nine
Rikku raised an eyebrow. "What they don't feed you at home?" She joked as Paine sat across from her and pulled the plastic lid off of her pasta. It looked like there was enough to feed two Wakka's.
Paine tossed her an amused look before picking up her plastic fork. "I didn't eat breakfast, and this is for dinner too."
It was Thursday afternoon and the two had met up for lunch. It was the only time they had spoken to each other all day.
Rikku nodded and reached for her lemonade. "Ah right, you work real late tonight."
Paine nodded with a mouthful of food. "Mhm." She swallowed and then reached for her water bottle. "Are you ready for today?"
Today was the day that Rikku and her Brother were going to sit down and talk.
Rikku nodded. "After talking about and thinking about and dreaming about it…" Paine chuckled. "I just want to get it over with." She picked up her six inch sandwich and took a bite out of it.
Paine reached for a napkin and leaned forward to get some of the mustard off of Rikku's chin. Rikku blushed lightly but smiled at her girlfriend. She looked around the student union where they were eating and decided that it was ok to reach a hand out for Paine's.
Paine let her take her hand with a small smile. "Should get you a bib…"
Rikku giggled. "Let's do something fun this weekend."
Paine sighed. "I have a lot of homework…"
Rikku pouted. "Pleassseeeeee."
"I'll—"
"Rikku hey!"
Rikku pulled her hand out of Paine's quickly and looked behind her. "Oh, hey Buddy."
Buddy smiled brightly at Rikku almost not even noticing Paine there. "How's it going?"
Paine raised an eyebrow.
Rikku shrugged. "Ah, y'know. It's going." She motioned to Paine. "I don't think you guys have met before. This is Paine, my—"
"Yeah your good friend, you told me about her." He stuck out a meaty hand to Paine. "Nice to meet you, I'm Brandon."
Paine stole a look at Rikku. "Yeah, yeah a good friend." She shook Buddy's hand.
Buddy shifted his attention back to Rikku. "Hey so I was wondering if you knew a good place to buy some of those pencils we used in class yesterday."
Rikku nodded. "Sheadren Square has a bunch of little things here and there…"
"Nice, um, would you want to come with me to check it out? I mean, we already established that out of the two of us you were more… Artistically inclined."
Paine wasn't sure of what she was feeling as she watched the two. A few things were obvious though, he had no game whatsoever, and he had a thing for Rikku, a big thing.
"Uh.." Rikku hesitated. "Sure, I mean, I have no time today or tomorrow…"
"How about Saturday? We can make a day of it, if you like."
Rikku nodded. "Maybe."
"Alright, I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Buddy paused and looked over at Paine before leaving.
"Guess you have plans then." Paine shook her head before stabbing more of the penne pasta and mushrooms. Okay so this Buddy guy was an absolute chump, but she didn't actually believe Rikku would say yes. She was irritated and she knew it came off in her tone, she wished it didn't.
Rikku groaned. "I'm sorry baby."
"Don't be, it's whatever, have fun on your date."
It was like word vomit, once she started Paine couldn't stop.
Rikku stared at her trying to decipher what that actually meant. "It's not a date."
Paine shrugged. "Sure sounded like one."
"I don't even like him like that."
"Yeah, but he likes you."
Rikku shook her head. "Paine."
"What? He's a junior in college am I right? Why in the hell would he need help looking for pencils?"
Rikku sunk in her seat. "They're a very specific kind…"
Paine raised an eyebrow. "But let's make a day out of it?" She shook her head. "He likes you."
"Fine, but I don't like him, and I have a girlfriend." Rikku sat up in her seat motioning to Paine almost proudly.
"Not to him you don't." Paine closed the lid on her pasta. "We're just good friends."
Rikku shook her head in disbelief. "You can't be mad at me."
"Mad at my girlfriend for agreeing to go on a date with some blitzer?" Paine asked. "No." She shook her head. "C'mon Rikks, even you can't be that clueless."
Rikku felt the sting of that comment. "Even me huh? Well maybe I will go out on this date."
Paine stood. "Whatever."
"Whatever?" Rikku rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "That's all you have to say?"
Paine shrugged and picked up her things. "Do whatever you want, Princess."
##
"How's the lady?" Kirill asked as he and his little sister walked along the port side city of Luca. It was a beautiful day out, probably the last of its kind. The sky blue, and the sea breeze warm.
As much as she loved fall she was going to miss summer.
Rikku sighed heavily and adjusted her sunglasses on her face. "She's mad at me."
"Uh oh, what happened?"
She didn't hesitate to tell her brother exactly what happened as they strolled. .It felt so good to be open with him about it. "She knows I don't even like the guy…"
"Does she? I mean, you don't really know if you're…"
"Gay."
Kirill nodded. "Right, I mean, and he doesn't know you might be either. She might take it as you still trying to figure it out."
Rikku sighed. "Oayr pid ed ech'd mega dryd yd ymm. Paine knows, she's just being difficult."
Kirill shrugged. "It looks like she can be, but I don't know sis, maybe it hurt her feelings."
Rikku slowed down a little. That was the last thing she ever wanted to happen. Paine was her girl, didn't she know that? Buddy was a nice guy, but she didn't know him all too well, and okay, so maybe her judgment was off on the whole thing. "I'm not a mind reader."
"So what are you going to do?"
"I'll let him down easy."
Kirill chuckled. "That's a Bayla for yuh, breaking hearts and taking names."
##
Paine and Tidus were clutching their stomachs in laughter.
"Den, she pulls out all dese list's ya? And I'm like Lu, c'mon let's be realistic, and then she just looks at me, looks at me like… like if I say another word ya? She'd do black magic on me or something!"
Paine shook her head. "I wouldn't put it past her to know black magic."
Wakka had stopped by after a class because he knew both Tidus and Paine were working. He hadn't seen them in a while and wanted to invite them over.
"Last time I try and go wit her to Home Goods ya." Wakka shook his head with a little laugh. "Ay so what you guys doing this Sunday, come over. Lu's going out with Yuna for somethin' all day, thought we could watch the game. Dr. P I gotta show you the work out facility in the complex, I think you'll like it. Bring Gip and everybody too."
"Yu sure the Mrs. is allowing you to have guests?" Tidus asked.
Wakka thought about that, his silence causing the two to laugh more. "You're whipped."
"I'm not whipped brudda."
"Whipped like cream." Tidus grinned.
##
"So…um, then it just started like that and… That's how I really met Paine…"
Kirill sat there with no expression on his face.
Rikku hugged her knees to her body, she was shaking and she knew if she tried to speak continuously she would begin to cry, that's why pauses were necessary. "When I met her it just… I just made me realize what was going on wasn't right or fair. I had feelings for her the moment I met her and opening up to her was easy, but then it just made me feel worse because…" She needed to pause again. "Because she didn't need to say anything for me to know that it hurt a little. We hardly knew each other and I was already hurting her. So I… I just stopped."
Kirill clenched a fist in his right hand but his face remained emotionless.
Rikku sighed and wiped her face. "He didn't like that…"
"Did he hurt you?" Kirill all but growl from his spot beside Rikku on windy pier, they were sitting on a bench looking out onto the water.
Rikku paused. "He tried t-to—" She glanced at her brother as he shifted abruptly in his seat. "Paine saved me though she uh, she pretty much kicked his ass big time and I was just so scared Brother. Naymmo naymmo clynat. Then Paine almost got locked up for protecting me… She's always looking out for me and I just, I just wanted to tell you what really happened and why I know that I don't want anyone else. I know you have already accepted her but… Now you know."
Kirill stared ahead of them at the water for a long time, Rikku didn't bother interrupting him. "E lyh'd pameaja dryd cuh uv y pedlr fuimt dno drec…" He was so angry right now, but he knew that that time for Rikku had passed, and now she was in this weird place of trying to move on. He needed to do the one thing that he wanted to avoid.
He needed to speak to his father.
"Are you alright…?" Brother looked over to Rikku. It made sense now why she seemed so grown, why she had seemed so changed.
"I'm trying to be." She answered honestly. "I really am."
##
Paine saved the document and reclined in her chair a little. She checked the time on her phone and frowned. It was just a reminder of how long she and Rikku hadn't spoken. Today was a very big day for her, and Paine wanted to know how everything went. Regardless of their little fight this afternoon she was still her girlfriend, and she still cared about her. Paine turned in her desk and stood. "I'll be right back." She announced to an unusually quiet Tidus.
"Yup yup!" He chirped making Paine wince a little.
Paine slipped on her leather jacket and walked outside to small smoker's gazebo outside of the rec center entrance. She sat down and stretched out her legs before pulling out her cell phone.
##
This had to be the most award situation ever.
Rikku, Kirill and Cid were seated at the formal dining room table having a late family dinner.
Rikku was trying not to look at her father for obvious reasons. She was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to look him in the eye for a couple years without wanting to throw up again.
Kirill was trying to look at Cid to get his attention. He didn't want to speak though, because that would have meant that he had lost.
Cid was staring at his plate, not really knowing what to do next. He was making an effort though. He needed to make an effort for them.
For a few minutes all that could be heard was the clinking of silverware, and the occasional clearing of the throat. They hadn't all sat down for a dinner in this room in years.
Rikku jumped causing both men to look up at her. "So bruha... Fyc uh jepnyda, aqlica sa." Rikku jumped up from her seat and stole a last bite of her food before running off. They needed to work their drama out alone; her being there would only make things harder. Rikku picked up her phone once she reached the top step of the staircase.
"Hello?"
"Hey Princess."
It was very different from the sarcastic one she got earlier in the day. It made Rikku smile a little. "Hey Pypo."
Paine sighed. "I just wanted to see how you were…" She bit the corner of her mouth. "I've been thinking about you all day." She looked around making sure no one had heard her.
Rikku smiled fully now "Me too, I miss you, and I need to say sorry for hurting your feelings today. I won't go shopping with Buddy if you don't want me to."
"You should go if you want, just..." Paine shrugged. "I don't want to be the type to tell you what you can and cannot do."
"I'm going to tell him that you're my girlfriend." She had already made up her mind.
Paine nodded. "I would never want to rush you…"
"No, he should know that he has no chance." She made it to her room and closed the door behind her. "He should know that you're all I think about."
Paine smiled, she was feeling that warm fuzzy feeling in her stomach and her chest felt tight. She didn't know what was happening to her, but it felt nice. Maybe Gippal was right, maybe she was going soft. "You gonna tell him all that?"
Rikku chuckled lightly. "Maybe not exactly what I'm thinking…" She heard Paine laugh and smiled to herself. "I am glad you called though, Pai. You would not believe what's happening here."
"Is everything okay?"
"I think so… So I told Brother." She took a seat on her bed. "I told him and he was real quiet for a long time and it was hard, but you'd be so proud of me cause I didn't even cry.
"Good job, Ri."
"I know!"
"So what's happening now?"
"Can you talk? Aren't you at work?"
Paine shrugged. "I'll count this as my dinner break."
Rikku glanced at the time and frowned. "You haven't eaten yet?'
"I'm fine, tell me what's happening."
Rikku sighed and recounted the evening from when she met Brother at the pier to talk, till they arrived home to Cid cooking a big meal for him and Rikku. She supposed it was an apology dinner for having to see him and Leblanc like that. However he was surprised to see Kirill standing nervously behind her. No words were exchanged after that, and they all sat down to eat, and then that's when Paine called and saved her from the silence that was settling in all corners of the downstairs. "It's kind of spooky, I mean, no one is talking, and the whole house is quiet."
"You want me to let you go?"
"No way, even if you have to go I'm not going back down there, they need to settle this not talking thing. Especially since Pop is giving him half of the half business."
"You don't think he'll sell it?"
"Nah I think he will. I already called Uncle B to talk about it."
Paine was a little surprised. "You're thinking about selling your half?"
Rikku sighed. "I have been thinking about it a lot, and… I don't know what's going to happen, but I know I gave up the dream of being a hot shot lawyer like Pops years ago."
"Yeah."
"I just, I couldn't do it."
"Do what?"
"Tell him. Now I don't have to."
"Actions do speak louder than words."
Rikku nodded. "But I'm Pre-Law, and I graduate in the summer so…"
"You think he'll be pissed?"
"Maybe a little, but I'm just more worried about what I supposed to do with my life. Today Brother asked me if I was going to be okay, then he asked me what was next. It just really got me thinking."
"Thinking is good."
"Yeah…"
"So what's your father going to do once this deal goes through?"
"I guess he's going to…" Rikku paused. She had never really stopped to ask her father what he was planning on doing, or why he was even giving his share of the company away.
Paine chuckled. "Didn't even cross your mind huh?"
"Well he's been a lawyer my whole life!"
Paine chuckled more. "I'm sure he's good at other things too."
"Pops? Meh."
##
Paine checked the time; she had been outside for thirty minutes now. "Hey Rikks, I gotta head back in before Tidus has a panic attack."
"Come over tonight." She heard Paine sigh. "Pleaaasseee. I need you here just in case something goes down."
"Nothing's going down, I promise." Paine laughed. "You're so dramatic."
"So you'll come?"
Paine smiled. "Yeah."
"Call me when you get here."
##
Rikku wondered if her father and brother even remembered her existence.
She had heard their similar tones escalade into something, and then settle, and then start back up again. And this was all from the top step on the staircase. Sometimes she caught the tail end of what they said, but never the whole sentence. It didn't sound like anything was being really resolved; just rehashing on the things that drove Brother away. Rikku felt a little sorry for both of them. If they would only stop for a few moments they would realize that they had both changed. Rikku was debating going downstairs again when her cell phone clutched in her left hand began to buzz. "Paine." She whispered.
"Why are you whispering?" Paine asked.
"Cause… Listen I don't want to be loud and open the door so—"
"I got this, go to your room." Paine grinned before ending the call and walking around to the side of the house.
Challenge accepted.
Rikku grew confused but did as she was told. She closed her bedroom door and waited in the middle of her room before jumping when she heard something out her window. She grabbed her baseball bat from by the door and held it nervously above her as she inched toward the window.
Paine held herself up with her weaker left hand as she rapped on Rikku's window with her right.
Rikku jumped and mumbled an al bhed prayer as she opened the window and swung the bat. "Ahh!"
"What in fu—!" Paine ducked and nearly fell off the side of the building. "Are you trying to kill me woman!"
"Paine?" Rikku squeaked. She had ducked down after swinging.
"Yes!"
"Ohmygosh!" Rikku dropped the bat and looked over the side of her house to see Paine holding expertly onto some vines and a few moldings. "Are you insane!" She quickly opened the window more and reached a hand out for Paine. Paine looked at her hand and took it carefully. She entered her room with a thud but on her feet.
"What the hell!" Paine asked brushing her sleeves off.
Rikku hit her lightly on the arm. "Are you trying to get killed!"
"I told you to go to your room! What did you think I was going to do fucking teleport in here?"
"I spook easy, you should know this!" Rikku shook her head at Paine and sighed while putting a hand to her chest and trying to even out her breathing.
"I'm sorry."
"No no, I'm sorry." Rikku closed the distance between them. "I'm sorry, Pypo, are you okay?" Rikku started putting her hands on Paine's arms as if checking her. "Hm?"
Paine nodded. "Yeah, thank Shiva for fast reflexes."
"Cunno cunno." Rikku grabbed the lapels of Paine's jacket and pulled her down to kiss her.
Paine wrapped her arms around Rikku's waist when she realized it wasn't just a greeting kiss. "It's okay." Paine mumbled between kisses. The adrenaline she was just feeling was quickly changing into something else as they stood there kissing tenderly. Rikku ran her hands down Paine's neck and gently pushed at her leather jacket. It was getting in the way of her feeling Paine's arms. Paine removed her jacket quickly and pulled Rikku closer to her so their chests were pressing against each others.
"Mm." Rikku sighed when the kiss turned into a slow open mouthed one. Her body heat was on a steady incline and she could feel the base of her stomach tense every now and then. There had been this subtle shift in things ever since last weekend. They were touching more, kissing more. Rikku wasn't complaining at all. She liked when Paine was this close, The tricky part was maintaining that level of self control. Rikku didn't think she was ready for anything more than they were doing right now, and she knew Paine understood, but she swore the other woman would do certain things on purpose just to tease her. Rikku shivered when Paine ran her hands down her back making a slight indent with her fingertips in a clawing motion.
It was all Paine could do to calm herself. The last thing she wanted to do was push Rikku by acting like some kind of horny teenager. Rikku deserved better, she deserved all the respect in the world and that's what Paine was going to give her. This wasn't just some fling. Paine was scared for herself because she cared for Rikku on a whole other level than she originally expected to. She didn't want to rush, because when you rushed you made mistakes. And a mistake in this area would kill them. She felt herself get a little angry as a thought passed through her. It was the smallest bit of anger, but it was there. How could anyone kiss these lips and not be completely brought to their knees?
Little did she know Rikku was thinking the exact same thing about Paine. Paine had this way of holding her so close and kissing her like she wouldn't get a chance to again. Maybe she was afraid she wouldn't. Maybe that fear had been there the whole time. Rikku needed her to know that at this point in the game she wasn't going anywhere. But this was young, and they were young, and a part of Rikku couldn't shake what her brother had said. If it were to end… She didn't know if her world could go on the same, or at all. Rikku deepened the kiss at this thought causing Paine's grip around her to tighten. Rikku wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's waist and backed them up slowly, making sure not to break their kiss as the back of her knees hit her bed.
##
"No!" Kirill had had it. "No more excuses for what happened! She didn't want to leave that night but you made her, you fucking made her and she died, she's dead because of you!"
Cid was stunned into silence.
Kirill growled before delivering the last line that he had been waiting all evening to say. His anger reaching a level that he couldn't even control his shaking body. "Yht hud uhmo ryt cra ryt du knuf ib fedruid y sudran un ghufehk dra dnidr, pid huf drec? Oui temidat cuh uv pedlr. Ouin uhmo tyikrdan fyc ymsucd nybat eh ran ufh rusa yht oui drehg oui lyh syga y vaf lryhkac rana yht drana yht palusa vydran uv dra oayn?" He shook his head. "I'm not impressed with you."
##
Paine and Rikku both picked their heads from kissing on Rikku's bed. They had just heard a loud slam. "What was that?" Paine asked.
"I'd like to know." Rikku said as she shuffled to her feet. Paine was right behind her.
"Pop! Brother!" Rikku called as she came running down the stairs.
Rikku came to a skidding stop when she noticed her father still in the dining room with his head in his hands. Rikku glanced at around the room at their forgotten plates, the fallen chair he had been taking his frustrations out on all week. Rikku glanced at Paine and then slowly made her way over to where her father was sitting. "Po—"
"Ahuikr Milan!" He made Rikku jump.
She shook her in confusion. "No."
"Leave, just leave me."
Rikku felt her heart breaking. "No Pop. E muja oui, E't hajan mayja oui ymuha." They had their issues, but Rikku meant that with every ounce of her being.
Cid shrugged her hand off his shoulder. "You wouldn't if you knew. You would blame me too."
"What are you talking about…"
Cid looked up at her and winced. She looked exactly like her. He turned away. Kirill was right, he had raised him to be honest and tonight he was nothing but, even if he didn't want to hear it. "Your mother left, she—" Rikku had rested her hand back on his shoulder. "She left, was leaving because of me. That night, I… I made her leave this house in tears Milan. I made her leave and then….."
Rikku's hand slipped away.
"You said…"
"You were so young."
Paine could see Rikku's entire body beg for air as she just stood there.
Rikku didn't say anything as she turned and locked eyes with Paine. Paine knew that look all too well. She motioned for her to come, there was something very personal about stepping into the family dining room that she didn't want to disrupt. Rikku glided over to her in a trance. She reached a hand on Paine's arm as if feeling weak and needing the support. Cid had finally noticed Paine standing there. He said nothing though. Rikku was the only one to speak. "I wasn't that young." She shook her head at him and then looked at Paine. "Please just…"
Paine nodded. "Where do you want to go—"
"No." Rikku shook her head. "Just… Just leave me alone now." She took her hand off of Paine left the room for the stairs. Paine watched her leave her worry written all over her face.
Flashback
A young Rikku rubbed her eyes and then squinted. "Momma?" She mumbled at the figure in the doorway that she knew to be her mother.
"My jewel." She breathed.
Rikku sat up. "Momma what's wrong?"
##
"What's wrong with her?" One of them whispered.
"She's just weird." Came from elsewhere in the room.
"Are you sure she's not just a retard or something? I mean she doesn't talk."
"Are you sure she's even a she?"
They laughed.
Paine curled herself up under her thin cover. This was the worst one yet. The owners of this "compound", because that's what it was, the foster parents in charge were just accepting kids left and right to accept the checks. They had been trying to place her for a year now after he was fired and honestly she'd rather have some old guy tell her that she had a nice watch rather than be here, with the noise and the rats and the cruel. This was the worst one yet. Little Paine flinched when the sound of footsteps shushed the room.
##
She heard footsteps before her mother whispered to her that she loved her. It was the last thing she remembered hearing before passing out and waking up to the news.
Tahla Capri Bayla looked down at her small daughter and cracked a small smile behind her silent tears. "Rikku Milan, you always fall asleep before I get to finish."
"Tahla."
She looked up from the girl in her arms and narrowed her eyes at the man at the door. She held Rikku closer instinctively. She loved him, but he had lost his mind with arrogance, and she wasn't doing this right now when she had just convinced Rikku she was okay and gotten her to fall asleep.
"Is she asleep?"
"Yes, and I would appreciate it if she didn't have to see me like this again Cid." She looked back at the girl and moved to carefully put her back to bed. She was getting heavier. Which was good, she had been worried. Rikku began to fuss. Tahla leaned down and whispered reassurances to her before kissing her on the forehead. She stood and fixed her eyes on the man in the doorway.
"Don't stand there and look like you want to say something nice to me." She spat as she pushed past him.
Cid glanced at his daughter before closing the door.
Curious as to why everyone was in Rikku's room and not his too Kirill peeked his head out his door.
##
"What's all this noise!"
"Paine momma! She was making noise again!"
Paine closed her eyes tightly when she felt the collar of her shirt being tugged up. She pushed the old woman's grubby palm oil smelling hands off of her as she was brought to stand.
"For someone who doesn't say shit you sure do make a bunch of fucking noise. C'mon!" Paine began to cry knowing exactly what was coming. "I didn't even give you something to cry for yet!"
The door slammed closed.
##
The door slammed closed.
Cid was fuming when he heard a car start somewhere off in the distance.
"Papa."
He turned and saw a scared looking Kirill in his blitzball pajamas. He was crying.
##
She was crying.
As she sat on the kitchen stool and heard the lies.
"Yes, She just keeps fighting with the little ones! Some lady you've sent me! Mhm… Bruises all over, yes. She's got a real anger problem this one."
Paine hung her head wondering what she had done wrong again. Her pale skin was blotchy and when the doctors came and asked what had happened she mumbled what she was supposed to.
"It was my fault, sir"
##
He sat up with Kirill asleep in his arms while the morning birds brought their song.
Her song
How she would whistle while making their breakfasts. How she smiled when he walked into the room with both children hanging off of him begging for piggy back rides.
He would make this right.
He had to.
Cid hugged Kirill closer and watched the door.
##
It was early when the doctors left and she was allowed to rest. Paine kept her head hanging as she crawled back under her covers and closed her eyes. She missed Gippal, and the nice bath lady, and her piano, she was just getting better when they started moving her, getting better was all she wanted. When she played no one called her names or wanted to hit her.
"Hey retard." Someone whispered.
"I think she's ignoring us."
"Better her than us."
"Yeah, better the retard than us—"
Paine exhaled heavily, something in her small body not being able to take it anymore.
"What?" Someone was standing in front of her cot now, she could feel them there. "What? You mad gimpy? Well this is how it works when you're new here. Stop being such a pussy and deal with it. It's obvious no one wanted you. You're so dumb and ugly. Feel sorry for whoever your momma was, oh wait, no I don't cause she did the right thing and got rid of yo—"
Paine had snapped.
When she came to, she was on top of the little boy with one hand around his neck and the other punching wildly as all the other kids tried to pull her off of him. She pushed them off and continued until she was lifted off the ground by a pair of strong hands. The ones that had just hours before hit her until she promised not to make noise anymore.
##
She watched as her cousin began to cry.
"Did you hear me Milan?"
Rikku looked up at her father. He looked so old right now, she could understand why though. Brother said he was up all night.
Rikku nodded and played with the ring on her right hand. "I understand." She said quietly.
Cid watched as his son and niece cried. They had always been the more composed out of the three, and there Rikku sat, in her yellow dress she liked to wear, not saying a word.
Cid kneeled down and took her small hands in his bigger ones. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
Rikku watched in confusion as her father began to cry softly.
Accidents, she had learned a little while ago, was something no one could predict or control.
Momma was never coming back, she was real sad about that… But it was an accident.
So why was he crying like this?
"its okay Pops…" Rikku patted his head. "It was an accident."
But that only made it worse
##
"Help me with this." Was the first thing she said to the little blonde boy upon returning the next morning.
A young Gippal Trent looked confused. "You've always been better at arts and crafts den me Dr. P." He examined his friend closely. He had been sad for the time that she had been gone; no one wanted to play with the crazy lady's kid. Paine had always been different though, she was his best friend and now looking at her he identified with being grateful she was home, but worried. She didn't seem herself.
Paine shook her head and pushed the child proof scissors into his small tan hand. "My hair Gip." She motioned to the dark ponytail that had followed her around for years now. "I don't like it."
"How come?"
"Does it matter?"
Gippal shrugged. "No" because nothing really mattered these days. "I don't know if I can do girls hair…"
"It isn't different."
He became nervous "I might mess up." Gippal had heard about what Paine had done, everyone had. Even now he could see the guardian nurses whispering amongst themselves as they watched them interact.
"Forget it then." Paine snapped and grabbed the safety scissors from his hands. Gippal watched her march off somewhere, and for a few minutes he sat back down and began playing restaurant again by himself.
That didn't last long though.
He pushed open the girls bathroom door and frowned when he heard her crying.
Paine felt someone knock her hands out the way lightly. Gippal had managed to climb up onto the stool in front of the mirror with her.
"Lean forward Doc." He mumbled as he hacked at the large pony tail till it fell to the ground. "And stop cryin' will ya?"
Paine just nodded and fell quiet as he worked.
End flashback
"I loved her mother very much."
Paine looked back at Cid and shook her head before leaving the room for the front door. She paused on the front porch when she found Kirill sitting on the porch step cupping his hands together in thought. He glanced at Paine as walked by.
"If you hurt her… I will end you."
Paine turned and looked at the serious on his face. She nodded and then was about to leave when she thought of the right thing to say. "Rikku's in the attic and she doesn't want to see me but…"
Kirill nodded and then stood. "Paine." He called when she turned to leave again.
Paine grew confused and slightly uncomfortable when he walked over to her and put his arms around her. "Thank you. Thank you so much." He whispered.
Paine nodded slowly "She told you today."
Kirill moved realizing that he was making her uncomfortable. "You have my respect and approval. Don't know what that means but I just thought that you should know."
##
Paine smiled to herself when she found Rikku the next day at school.
At least she came today.
Rikku was seated on one of the wooden tables near the center of campus. There was a larger fountain that she was just staring at with her books opened up in front of her like she was trying to study in between classes. Paine nodded to herself and quickly walked off for the student union.
"Why the long face?"
Rikku looked up. "Hey Buddy."
"May I sit?" He motioned to the seat across from her.
Rikku shrugged. "I guess."
"So what's wrong? Shoe sale close early or something?" He joked.
Rikku shook her head no. "I'm just having an off day."
His face grew concerned. "Are still on for Saturday?"
Rikku nodded. She was so out of it today. She was dressed lazily in jeans and Paine's hoody. Her hair was even in a full pony tail. She had spent the night talking with her brother in their mother's attic. He would be leaving Luca soon, and that made her sad too. Buddy nodded watching the usually bubbly woman carefully.
"Is there something I could do?"
"Huh? Oh no no, oh wait, I did want to talk to you about something though."
Buddy nodded and leaned forward to hear her better. "What's up?"
"I have a girlfriend." Her mood wouldn't allow for any beating around the bush here.
Buddy just stared at her in shock. "Was it something I said?"
"What?"
"I mean I know a lot of girls say that so guys will leave them alone…."
"I'm not one of those girls…"
"Are you sure?"
"Am I sure of what?"
"That you have a girlfriend."
Though slightly annoyed, Rikku actually chuckled a little. "I'm sure, we've been together for almost two months."
Buddy looked relieved. "So it's not serious then." He nodded.
"I don't think you understand."
"Course I do, this is college y'know? That's cool."
"I don't like you."
Buddy grinned and stood with his things. "Yeah you do."
Rikku furrowed her brows as he began to walk backwards from where she was sitting with a confident smile on his face. "I don't Budd—"
"See you later Rikku—"
A loud splash was heard and then unmistakable groan. Buddy turned around slowly to see that he had walked right into someone and they were now covered in a pink smoothie with little chunks of berries in it.
Paine growled. "This was my last five bucks you fucking idiot!"
"Whoa, I didn't do anything; you were the one who walked into me." Buddy tried to defend. He still didn't recognize the person under all the pink goop.
"Paine!" Rikku got up when she heard her voice. "Oh my…" She hid her chuckle when she caught sight of Paine's appearance.
Paine glanced at Rikku and all her anger was gone all of a sudden. "I got you a smoothie…." She tried.
Rikku's face softened considerably and she sent Paine an adoring look. "You got this for me?"
Paine shrugged almost shyly. "You were looking pretty down over here when I passed by so…"
##
Rikku wet the paper towel on both sides. "Here."
Paine looked up from the bathroom sink where she was washing her face and her hair. She let Rikku wipe some missed spots off her face and then on her now completely wet raven hair. Rikku smiled at Paine's hair, seeing it this way reminded her of when she was living with her for that week after Auron.
"What?" Paine asked noticing a certain look on Rikku's face.
"Nothing, Pai."
Paine nodded and then sighed when she looked at her clothes. "I don't have any clothes here."
"You're work polo?"
"Laundry day."
"Well do you have any more classes?"
Paine nodded. "One more."
Rikku tossed the wet paper towel and pulled off Paine's hoody revealing her wearing a black spaghetti strapped tank top.
Paine averted her eyes from Rikku's chest. "I kinda like you wearing that…"
"I'm done for the day, and it's yours anyway." Rikku pushed the dark blue hoody toward her until Paine took it and pulled it on. She smiled a little. It smelt like Rikku. Her smile disappeared though as she watched Rikku check the bags under her eyes in the bathroom mirrors. "How you doing, Princess?"
Rikku looked over at her and shrugged lightly. "I'm just… I'm just sad Paine. I'm not mad at Pops, he could have never known I know, but if he would just cool it for five seconds, and not be a jerkface. my mother might still be alive…I know I wouldn't be so lost if she were still around. I miss her and…" She looked down at her hands and then up at Paine again. "I'm just sad."
Paine nodded and stepped closer. "I know baby." She whispered as she hugged Rikku.
"Brother, he's leaving soon too, and I'm gonna miss him too."
"When does he leave?"
"Tomorrow."
"Are you going to see him off?"
"Yunie and I are driving him to the port. He could go with his team but he wanted to spend time with us."
Paine nodded and adjusted her arms around her lower back causing her cold damp shirt under her hoody to move, she chuckled a little and Rikku smiled. "What?"
"That Teddy Berry is really cold."
Rikku squealed and hugged Paine tightly. "You bought me one! You ordered it and everything! How? I wanna know."
Paine laughed. "I just grunted and pointed to it on the menu."
Rikku laughed. "I believe that."
"Good, cause it's what happened."
Rikku laughed lightly but settled when their eyes locked. "Thank you for understanding last night."
"Of course."
Rikku felt a small smile tug on her lips just looking at Paine made everything else just seem so small. She swayed them lightly. "Paine."
"Yeah?"
"Dance with me tonight."
"What's tonight?"
Rikku shrugged. "Let's go out."
"Are you sure you want to do that? I mean I have to go to therapy tomorrow morning." Rikku swayed them more and Paine laughed. "I don't dance Bayla."
"Oh I bet you could."
"Never said I couldn't, I just don't."
Rikku began humming and moving them with more purpose. "You wanna lead, or me?"
Paine shook her head. "In the woman's bathroom on campus? Really?" It was a good thing no one ever came into this one. They were in the engineering building after all.
Rikku hummed and rocked her body from side to side goofily making Paine laugh even more. Rikku shook her head at herself and leaned her head on Paine's shoulder. "I don't want to feel like this anymore."
Paine looked down at her. "Sad?"
Rikku just nodded.
They just stood there for a moment before Paine began to hum quietly. She couldn't believe that she was doing this but fuck it right? Her girl was sad and she just made her job super easy by telling her what she wanted. Rikku's smile couldn't get any wider as she felt Paine sway a little.
"If you tell anyone about this I'll hurt you." She warned.
Rikku only giggled and held her closer.
##
"How are you doing?" Yuna asked as she hugged her cousin tightly.
"I'm okay Yunie."
Yuna nodded. "Good. How is Uncle Cid?"
Rikku shrugged. "I haven't seen him… I mean I hear him in the mornings but not after Kirill….He can't even look at me."
"It hurts him to."
Rikku nodded. "Sometimes I wish I didn't look like her, maybe he'd notice me for me…"
Yuna nodded she wrapped an arm around her cousins shoulder and led her into the living room where Kimahri was stretched out on the ground lazily. He lifted his head at Rikku's entrance and got up to get usual pets.
"Hey Kim km." Rikku greeted rubbing behind his pointy ears.
Rikku came over for breakfast Saturday morning before going to get Brother and dropping him at the port. She checked the time on the wall and wondered if Paine had even gotten up for therapy or not. She shook her head lightly and grabbed one of Kimahri's chewed up toys. "Did she get up Kim kim?" Rikku asked playfully as the large dog almost jumped on her for the toy. "Huh? Did Paine get up on time?" Kimahri barked excitedly at the mention of Paine's name. It was something she had noticed a little while ago and it was hilarious to her. "Where is she? Where is she?" Kimahri barked two more times and he jumped toward the door and then ran back when he realized Rikku wasn't following him. "Crazy Pup." Rikku smiled.
"Please don't get him all riled up; we just came back from a walk."
Rikku jumped out of her seat suddenly. "Let's go find Paine!" Kimahri barked and took off out of the living room. Yuna laughed as Rikku ran after him for a few feet before stopping with a little laugh as she turned. "He really likes her."
"I don't know either." Yuna patted the couch beside her. "Sit with me a minute, talk to me."
Rikku sighed good-naturedly. Yuna had brought fruit into the den and had set the tray down on the coffee table. She picked up a strawberry and plopped down beside Yuna and sighed again. "I don't know Yunie. Everything's happening so fast and…" She shrugged. "You know Pops is giving us each his section of the business to sell to Uncle B or to run?"
"Father told me as much."
"What should I do! What is Pop's going to do?"
"You don't want to be a lawyer. I know you don't want to be."
"I know."
"So now you just have to figure out what to do next."
"You make it sound so easy."
Yuna smiled at her cousin. "Rikku you have so many passions it doesn't make sense."
Rikku laughed. "Alright Doctor Yuna, what about this thing with Pops? I feel like I should say something to him, but between the whole Leblanc sexcapade—"
Yuna made a face. "Why would you call it that?"
"There are no other words that could describe…" Rikku shivered. "I actually threw up Yunie!" Yuna laughed. "In Paine's gym bag, gosh I felt so bad; she couldn't look at me for the whole car ride home."
"Aw."
Rikku shook her head. "I'm such a mess." She put her hands to her face and sighed. "Then Brother is upset, I mean, he has a right o be but I mean when will it end with those two?"
"He has obviously been holding this inside since he left. Maybe it was good that they fought."
"Maybe."
##
"I've become more… Affectionate?" Paine rubbed the back of her neck and then brought her hand back to her knee. "It's only because I know she likes it…"
"Do you think so?" Martha asked.
Paine nodded. "I mean why else would I do it?"
"Maybe it started out that way; however now you say you find yourself being that way toward other people. Even when she isn't around, that's quite the behavior shift." Paine didn't say anything. "How do you feel when you act this way?"
"It's really weird… Like with Rikku, it's okay, it's fine, it feels natural to want to… Show her how I feel; it's a hell of a lot easier than talking about it. But with everyone else, it's like… They don't expect it from me, and it gets awkward."
"Do they seem please?"
Paine shrugged. "I don't know."
"Are you happy?"
Paine hesitated. "How does that feel?"
Martha nodded to herself and adjusted her posture. "It's state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy."
Paine thought about it for a moment. "Sometimes I'm happy…"
"When? When you are with Rikku?"
Paine nodded. "It sounds so lame…"
"No it doesn't. It sounds to me like you have really turned things around from when we last spoke years ago."
"I mean I'd be happy if I could work out… When my minds not busy with Rikku, or with school or work. I'm all..." Paine made a tense hand gesture.
"Have you had any withdrawal symptoms lately?"
"This morning, I couldn't keep anything down, but that was it."
Martha began to scribble a few things down. "And before that?"
"Wednesday night."
"Do you feel as though they are happening more often now?"
"Yeah definitely."
"Have you been having sleeping problems?" Paine shrugged. "Forgetfulness?"
She actually chuckled. "Rikku thinks I'd forget my head if it weren't on my shoulders, which is weird because I'm usually not very forgetful."
Martha nodded. "You wouldn't be here seeing me if you were the forgetful type." Martha wrote something down.
##
"Take care of this one for me?" Kirill smiled at Yuna and motioned to Rikku.
"Take care yourself." Yuna smiled back.
Rikku rolled her eyes with a little smile. "Alright alright enough."
Yuna chuckled and shook her head. Kirill had someone come and take his bags before stepping over to Rikku and hugging her tightly.
"E secc oui ymnayto" Rikku whispered into his arms.
"E'mm pa pylg pavuna oui ghuf ed."
Rikku nodded knowing he would be back as soon as he could. They had talked for hours Thursday night. "Will you back for…?"
Kirill nodded quickly. "Of course."
"Okay." Rikku pulled her arms from around him and adjusted her shirt sadly. He had been her first best friend and her first hero. There was a time when she wanted nothing more to be like her big brother.
"Ay c'mon none of that. You gonna watch me play tomorrow afternoon?" Kirill playfully nudged Rikku.
Rikku laughed. "Someone has to yell at the TV for you to get your act together."
Kirill laughed too. He hiked his carry on onto his shoulder and stole a glance at Yuna.
"Cousins!" Rikku put her hands to her face.
"Shut up." Kirill laughed.
"Huh?" Yuna looked over to the two completely oblivious.
"Nothing." Kirill shook his head making sure he was thinking straight. "I'll see you ladies later hm? Behave." They all said their last goodbyes and Kirill turned to board the airship.
"Turin!"
Kirill stopped at the almost foreign sound of his middle name. Everyone just assumed his middle name was Brother. Only family members called him Turin, and even then that was rare.
Rikku turned around quickly and smiled. There was the man she was prouc to call her father.
Cid took a few more steps toward his son who still hadn't turned around. "Kirill Turin Bayla."
Kirill turned around and the two men stared each other down. Cid walked right up to him and put a hand on his shoulder without Brother pushing him off or getting upset. "You're right my son, you are so right, I needed that more than you can know." Cid paused a second before lowering his voice for only Kirill to hear.
Rikku and Yuna watched and Kirill dropped his head. Cid moved his hand to the side of his face as he continued to tell him something. Kirill shook his head and then nodded. He looked up and they could seem moisture in his eyes. Kirill nodded again and then they embraced in a very tight hug. "Okay? She would be so proud of you, so so proud."
"Pop." Kirill nodded trying to gain his composure as they hugged.
Rikku smiled and walked right over to them and tried her best to wrap her arms around the two larger men. Cid laughed and held his two children close. He never thought he would be doing this ever and the feeling of having his family so close made everything he had done and had to do worth it. They were his life, and losing sight of that was probably the largest mistake in his life. He paused a second and picked his head up and extended his arm out to Yuna. "I've changed your diaper one too many times for you not to be on this my dear." Yuna laughed and went to hug her family. Cid kissed the top of Yuna's head when she joined the hug and tried his best to savor every second of this because if there was anything he knew, it was that tomorrow was never guaranteed. "I love you all."
"Ah c'mon Pops, you're gonna make Brother cry even more in front of his teammates." Rikku teased.
"I'm not crying! There was just something in my eyes…"
##
"What does it stand for?"
"Post Acute Withdrawl Syndrome."
Rikku shook her head lightly. "Doesn't sound very acute, at least in your case."
"I don't feel that way either."
"Are you okay?" Rikku reached a hand over to rub Paine's arm.
Paine shrugged. "Yeah, listen I'm gonna go…" She stood from Rikku's bed and went to get her leather jacket. "I got to study and stuff…"
Rikku watched her for a moment before nodding. "Alright." She knew today's session hadn't went to well for Paine, and it made her feel bad that she couldn't do anything. It made her feel even worse that she was in such a good mood. Sometimes she just needed her space though, that was something Rikku could fully understand. She walked her downstairs and to the door. "Are we still cooking tomorrow?"
Paine nodded. "Yeah, I'll call you later… Or you call me when you are going to bed."
Rikku smiled. "I will." She tip toed half way and kissed Paine on the lips then wrapped her arms around her neck.
Paine let up a rare smile for the day and leaned back in to kiss her. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Rikku nodded, she let a hand come to Paine's cheek. "Don't be all sad tonight okay? This is a really good thing."
"I know." It was good because it meant she was healing very quickly on the physiological level. It didn't stop her from feeling sick though, and she never mentioned the second half of the session to Rikku either. That was just something she didn't want to talk about.
Rikku let her go and waved as she said goodbye. She frowned and turned to go back up the stairs.
Silent frame after silent frame was snapped as Paine ran a hand through her hair and looking up at the moonlit sky almost longingly before getting into her car and resting her head on the steering wheel for two seconds, her shoulders shaking slightly, but nothing coming out. She felt like this was never ending. There had to be an end somewhere.
Somewhere...
AN: Quick update! Once I started writing I literally could do nothing else. I'm kinda proud of this chapter, I sincerely hope everyone likes it. I'd love to know what you all think so drop me a review!
KathleenDee
