I'm gonna make it right (Damon/Elena)


Gonna make it right - Ryan Star

I'm so damn tired
Both hands on the wheel
And I call you now
Cuz you know how it feels

I'm leaning on you again
Cuz I know you understand

I'm not giving up, I'm not giving in
And if it kills me, then I know I lived

Gonna make it right
Gonna make it right
I've been knocked down, but I've got one more fight
I'm running in the night
I'm running to the light
This is the time and the place, and I swear
That I'm gonna make it right


Elena

I was starting to freeze. My wet clothes were sticking to my body; but it didn't matter. I barely recognized it. Not only that I am lost … I also lost every person that means something to me.

I lost Bonnie … because she is a witch; because she hates vampires and I'm in love with one. I'm on the side of the evil, the demons …

I had lost Caroline … the old Caroline; the human; because of a vampire; because a vampire had wanted revenge. Now she has to live a life that doesn't allow it to her to have a human boyfriend, to have a normal relationship with her mother; and she is condemned to live this life for all eternity …

I had lost Jeremy … before everything had happened, he had been a normal teenager. It might be an insane wish but … in this moment I hoped that we would be back to the time after our parents had died, when he had taken drugs, when nothing had interested him. Because at this time he hadn't known about vampires, about werewolves; he hadn't been involved in all this misery; this danger …

I had lost Stefan … because we aren't allowed to be together; because we would risk the life of every single person who means something to us …

And I had lost … Damon.

In this moment, I realized that I had hurt him. Hurt him more than I had hurt a person before. And that I had been indeed wrong. How … I'm … I deserve this; I deserve to sit here, alone, without anybody; because I had inflicted all this pain on him. He was right; I'm nothing better than Katherine.

"I hate you, Damon Salvatore."

"You are a monster."

"You have lost me forever."

"You are incapable of feeling anything!"

My own words kept repeating over and over again in my mind. He isn't a monster. He never has been one; I am the only monster. He had come to me that night to tell me that he … feels something for me, that there is more between us, a special … chemistry. He had kissed me; and I had felt it, too.

And then he had made that terrible mistake; a mistake I had never wanted to know the reason of. I had never asked him why he had come to me, totally drunk, why he had killed Jeremy. I had been the only person who had believed that there was still something good in Damon and in that moment I had forgotten it. I had forgotten that there IS something good in Damon; that he would never have killed Jeremy without a reason, just for fun. Because he had never done something to hurt me intentionally; because he cares about me.

And what had I done? I had told him again and again that he isn't good, that he is pure evil, not able to love; not seeing that he had done it all the time, that he had done all of this … out of love. I had believed in him, shown him that he can be different, that he doesn't have to be bad, to be alone … and in the end? What had I done in the end? I had left him; left him alone in the darkness; shown him that there is no hope for him, nobody who cares about him; that I hate him … I never hated him. Deep inside of me, in my heart, I had known all the time that I could never hate him, never. Because I care about him. Because he means something to me. Because I had never wanted to lose him …

What did I do? Damn, what did I do? God, and nevertheless; nevertheless all these words, all this hate I had shown him, he had fixed my relationship with Stefan. And today; today he had run after me, wanting to help me, to be there for me, asking me shyly, afraid to be rejected, if he should drive me home; after all I had done to him, after all I had said to him …

How had he endured all of this? My hatred, my disgust, my distrust, my rejections … after all that Katherine had done to him. I had treated him like … a monster, a person who doesn't deserve to be loved. This must have been more than a person can stand …

Tears started to run down my cheeks again when I thought of the endless sadness I had seen in his deep blue eyes; the sadness I am responsible for. What did I do? What the hell did I do? Can I fix it? Can I make it right? Or is it … too late?

I slammed my fist onto the steering wheel; then I jumped out of the car into the rain.

"Why?" I screamed, looking up to the dark clouds that were chasing over the sky. "Why does all of this has to happen?" I pushed my foot again and again into the front door of my car, tears running down my cheeks. Heavily breathing I leaned with my back against the car and slowly slid down the door until I sat on the cold, wet, dirty ground. I pulled my knees to my chest, buried my face into my hands and sobbed silently …

Damon

I was still rushing through the endless night; everything was wrapped in silence and darkness. One single thought, one prayer was repeating over and over again in my mind: Please let nothing has happened to her, let me find her!

Still lost in my thoughts, I suddenly recoiled. I felt something; I felt … her. I couldn't describe this unbelievable strong feeling because I have never felt it before but it told me that she has to be very close. My breathing quickened and I pushed the gas pedal even harder. Suddenly a huge black shape appeared out of the darkness a bit off the road in a ditch. Elena's car! Please no, no! I pushed the brake and my car came to a stop with a loud squeak. While I jumped out of the car, I could hear her voice scream and a crashing sound as if she would hit her car.

Thank god she is alive!

I wanted to rush over to her but I stopped in the movement.

Am I doing the right thing? Shall I … go to her? Or shall I call Stefan? Am I really the right person to be here now? To help her? What if she doesn't want to …

A sobbing that hit me to the core interrupted my thoughts. She needs somebody right now, even if she would prefer someone else …

Slowly I walked towards her. She was sitting on the wet and dirty ground now, her knees pulled to her chest and her face buried in her hands. The image broke my heart. It was as if someone would have pushed a stake directly into my heart and let it shatter into a million pieces. I had never seen her like this before, so helpless, so desperate, so lost and alone … in the darkness …

When I stood in front of her, I slowly kneeled down. She was so lost in her thoughts, in her tears, that she hadn't heard me approach. Slowly I lifted my hand but stopped again in the movement.

What do I have to expect when I touch her now? Anger? Hatred? She had told me to leave her alone … but I couldn't, I couldn't leave her alone like this … and I wouldn't make this mistake a second time. I took a last deep breath then I gently touched her soft skin, wet of tears and rain and took her face into my hand. Abruptly she lifted her head and looked into my eyes. If my heart had still beaten, it would have stopped for a moment now. Her eyes were reddened, dark shadows lying under them and they had never looked so sad than in this moment. For a long second she only stared into my eyes and I could see how she was fighting to suppress new tears, her whole body shaking, her lips trembling. In the same moment I wanted to take her into my arms, she wrapped her arms around my body and pressed her head against my chest, burying her tears in my jacket. I enclosed her slender body with my arms, pushing her as close as possible to myself and just hold her as tight as I could.

I know I'm not the person you need right now, Elena but I swear I'm gonna make it right …