I'm so sorry for taking forever to update! Due to certain complications, this chapter could not be edited. Feel free to point out any mistakes, but it's unlikely I'll change them until my editor feels the need to. Thanks to all my reviewers. You're the only reason I update at all!
Happy reading.
XX
The time flies by quicker than I ever wanted it to. After this task, the year will be over. I will leave for the Ministry after summer. And my future…my future will be in my own hands.
Two days before the task, I have a rare get together with my family. Lily, Albus, Lorcan, Roxanne, Fred, and Hugo are all with me in the Head common room. It's the only place we can have to ourselves, and I know for a fact that Scorpius is down in Hogsmade drinking himself silly. Every time I think of him, I feel both hate and shame. I haven't changed into a tiger yet, even when the entire class was requested to transform a week ago. But I have little time for sad thoughts now, with everyone crowded together by the fire, stuffing ourselves with food, and laughing about just about everything.
They are on the subject of Quiddtich currently, about how much they all miss it this year. Don't get me wrong, I love my family to death. But as I have absolutely no interest or talent in Quidditch, it gets incredibly dull when everyone starts talking about it. And everyone in my family plays Quidditch, and they talk about it all the time.
"I still think this tournament thing was a nice change," Lily says, who isn't quite as obsessed as the rest. "At least all the 7th years get a nice farewell."
"Farewell?" Albus says. "Lily, you know I'm not actually leaving. I'll still be back in Hogwarts every day to keep those boys off of you."
Lily snorts loudly. "Boys? You mean the imaginary ones you make up to tell mom?"
"No," Fred chimes in. "He means the ones that have the tendency to sneak into your window at night."
Lily's jaw drops open in outrage. "That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard since Lorcan announced he'd seen a flying sarcadagus!"
"You can't deny the truth," Lorcan says. I chuckle at Lily's outraged face.
"Well, breaking hearts is probably much easier than what Rose has to do," Roxanne says. She's been admiring me all year, which I appreciate greatly. She seems to be the only one.
"Rose!" Lily says, as if she's just remembered I was here. "Tell us about the last task!"
I tell the riddle/poem the flower had sung. They all listen attentively as I tell them my suspicions. I leave out the last four lines of the poem, though, because they regarded me. I didn't consider them in need of being told to everyone here. I wasn't in the mood for everyone to dissect my inner feelings.
"So, the key is to stay with your partner?" Lorcan asks.
"Yeah, I guess—" but then I stop. I look up at Lorcan with scared eyes. I just remembered what I told him so long ago; the key was to betray your partner. I had lied to him. I could see the hurt in his eyes, so deep it brought tears to mine. He pulled his arm away from mine.
"So you have to stay with Scorpius for the whole time?" Albus asks, chuckling, unaware of the tense atmosphere in the room. "That should be interesting. I hope we can see it this time."
"Yeah," I say, distracted. I had forgotten that I had to stay with Scorpius. "I have to be loyal to him, too. I can't leave him. But… I have to remember home. Does that make sense?"
"Not really, since Scorpius reminds me of the back end of a pig rather than home," Fred says, to the laughter of everyone. Even Lorcan chuckles, although he refuses to look at me.
A sudden sense of foreboding fills me. With Lorcan mad at me, it seems that everything might just be worse. It doesn't take long before Lorcan announces he has to go to bed early to prepare for the task. No one finds it suspicious that he smiles at everyone but me.
It's midnight and I can't sleep. Dreams press against me in the humid air. My balcony doors are open, and outside I can see the fireflies dancing, their glowing bodies casting shadows across the railing. I would welcome sleep at this point. I need all the energy I can get for tomorrow and for the days that follow. We are to stay in the place we're going for a whole week, and all the while I'm the only one who knows that being loyal to your partner is the key.
Except now Lorcan knows it too, but he had to learn it the hard way.
I have to ask myself if I'm upset because Lorcan is angry with me, or if I'm upset because the one thing I held above everyone's heads, the one head start I had at winning, is now in the hands of the opposing team. What would matter more to me, in the end? Lorcan's happiness or mine? I have distorted my image of what makes me happy. Right now, in my mind, it's winning this competition. I don't know why it's there, but it is. And selfishly, I care about that more than Lorcan's happiness.
So why am I getting out of bed and preparing to go apologize to Lorcan? Because he's my best friend, I tell myself.
But maybe I can get him to believe I'm his, too.
The walk to the Ravenclaw common room is a long one. I realize half way there, through tired eyes and dull senses, that I'm barefoot and clad in nothing but shorts and a tank top. The halls are cold at night without the heat of a thousand bodies to fill them. I am shivering by the time I reach the portrait hole. I am given a riddle:
I am the center of gravity, hold a capital situation in Vienna, and as I am foremost in every victory, am allowed by all to be invaluable. Though I am invisible, I am clearly seen in the midst of a river. I could name three who are in love with me and have three associates in vice. It is vain that you seek me for I have long been in heaven yet even now lie embalmed in the grave. What am I?
I always get the hard riddles. Let's see….capital in Veinna, front of victory, midst of a river. In heaven, but now in the grave? I snap my fingers happily when I finally understand.
"The letter V!" I exclaim. I am immediately faced with the portrait hole, having solved the riddle correctly. I walk in quietly and make my way up the boys staircase. I use a muffilato spell on my feet to avoid waking anyone, and do the same when I get to Lorcan's bed, pulling the curtains around us before I wake him up.
"Rose?" he says through squinted eyes, just holding back a yawn. "What is it?"
"I came to apologize," I say, "for lying to you. It was wrong."
He sits up and rubs his face. I watch fondly as he flexes and stretches his muscles, and when he is fully awake he turns to face me with those warm blue eyes of his. "It wasn't wrong, Rose. It wasn't wrong to lie to me, because I'm sure I would have done it to someone if I were you. But what I think is wrong is that you chose keeping a secret over me."
"But isn't that still lying?" I ask.
"It is," he says, "but for a different reason."
I put my hand on his bare chest and listen and feel as he breaths. But it's only for a few seconds, and then he turns to get something on his dresser, but I'm sure there is really nothing there.
"The entire time I've known you, Rose," Lorcan begins, "you've wanted to be someone. Every one of our parents are famous in some way or another. We've all been in their shadows are entire lives….but you seem to be completely in the dark. You always used to tell me how you wanted to be amazing and famous. You wanted to invent a new spell or potion, or cure a disease, or save the world even. You told everyone this, but you told me that the reason you wanted all that was only because you wanted to please your parents and your family. You wanted to be great in their eyes, and you would do anything to get there."
My eyes are watering. I can't see anything but the blurry light of the moon on Lorcan's head. How does he know this? It's everything I've never known about myself.
I break down. There is no boundary to sadness, which is something I've repeatedly discovered. I rest my head of his chest and sob. And because I just can't lie anymore, I tell him everything.
I tell him everything about Scorpius, about him, about the lie that I've lived. Through all of it, as it spills continuously from my lips, I have the overwhelming sense that Lorcan is my one and only true love. It becomes white hot in my chest and in my words: I love him.
But every fairy tale must end.
"Rose," Lorcan says, and he is as calm as can be after I have just confessed what (in my mind) is as bad as murder, "I forgive you for everything that you've done. But you're not in love with me; you're in love with the fact that I could hold a great future for you, one where you would be successful. That's something Scorpius doesn't have. But I don't have your heart like he does. You may hate him now, but I have a feeling you still love him, and you always will. Don't let the prospect of approval or success change the way you feel."
It looks like it takes him a lot of effort to say it. I wrap my arms around him, tuning out his words. There is no way I'm ever going back to loving Scorpius. I love Lorcan…. I can feel it.
"I don't love him," I cry, "I love you."
With a heavy heart I kiss Lorcan, and with shaking hands he kisses me back. We are both in denial, I suppose.
But I love Lorcan, I tell myself. There's nothing to deny. He allows me to kiss him, and I have no regrets in this embrace. So why does the doubt linger?
I just ignore it anyways.
XX
In the early hours of the morning when I am barely awake, I make my way up to my room only to find myself face to face with Scorpius for the first time in what seems like forever. Just seeing his eyes makes my heart leap and my hands tingle. There is so much emotion tied to this one boy.
"Rose," Scorpius says, his voice like velvet in my ears, "you got that flower after the second task, and didn't it tell you the key to winning the fourth task?"
I nod.
"We're partners, so we win or lose together. Tell me what it said."
I feel deaf for a moment. I haven't been this close to him for a long time. If there was any hope in me of forgetting the feeling I got when he held me and kissed me, or that glorious night in the forest, then it has evaporated in this moment. I would give my life just for him to kiss me right now.
"It said we have to stick together and remember home." If I just fell into his arms, would he hold me or push me away? His face is completely impassive.
"Loyalty, okay. I didn't know that part." He scrunches his eyebrows together like he's concentrating.
"You knew we had to remember home?" I ask.
"My—my dad told me. He helped design the island." He stops abruptly, like he's trying to keep something from me. "He said there can only be one champion, even though there are partners."
Something inside me begins to break. A tear falls down my cheek.
And then something happens that makes me want to evaporate into the atmosphere.
"Rose," Scorpius says, reaching out a hand to wipe away my tear. "I'm sorry for tricking you, and I know you're sorry for attacking me. I—I know we have our differences and all, but I want to make it up to you. Just as friends. I want us to win this tournament."
Tears stream down my face, but he catches each one of them. This is Scorpius Malfoy, and he is proposing friendship.
And you know what is so amazing? Friendship before had been so forced and unnatural. But after everything we've been through, I think we could actually do it this time.
"Scorpius," I say, "is this another trick? I know you, and I know your father. I read the letters. I—I don't know if I trust you anymore."
As if in a dream, he pulls me into his arms and holds me there. I try not to cry, but I can't help it when my body shakes with sobs. Scorpius just holds me and holds me. Nothing in the world could make me doubt his truthfulness in this moment.
"Then don't trust me, Rose," he says. "I would tell you that I've been thinking a lot lately about you, and about my father. I would tell you that I think I love you more than a future with the approval of my parents. I would tell you that I've made my decision to defy my parents and be with you instead, whatever it took. But you might not believe me. So just….let me show you. I will help you win this thing, Rose. We're going to win it together."
For as long as I live, I tell myself. For as long as I live I will never forget those words.
When I wake up in the morning, I am still sobbing, but I silently pray that it was only a dream.
XX
