Betray the Writer, Ch5

Miku: "So, now that Meiko has finished doing things we'd rather not discuss to Kaito, let's be on our way."

Kaito: "But I just got raped!"

Miku: "Yeah, but rape is funny when it's female on male, TVtropes says so."

Kaito: "But..."

Meiko: "Anyway, it wasn't really rape, as you consented, didn't you Kaito?"

Kaito: "No I..."

Meiko: Glaring at Kaito, "Didn't you Kaito?"

Kaito: "Y...yes..."

Meiko: "Good."

Miku: Now come on! Let us enter the Swamp of Suffocation!"

Luka: "You actually remembered the name?"

Miku: "Nope, there's a sign over there." Points to a sign saying 'Swamp of Suffocation.'

Luka: "Again, why the hell is the internet so well signposted?"

Miku: "Don't ask, just play along."

Luka: "Right..."

Our gallant heroes, and Miku, Neru, Rin, Len, Kaito, Meiko, Misty and Chewy, continue on.

Lumi: "Nice to know I'm gallant."

Luka: "Me and Gakupo too."

Miku: "Why aren't I gallant?"

Because being gallant is boring.

Miku: "Good point."

Anyway, they keep walking, until suddenly...

Miku: "Why the hell is there a giant monster all of a sudden?"

Misty: "Random encounter."

Miku: "Of course..."

Random fight ensues. Come on, I don't really need to write in what happens do I? You read the last 27 chapters, if you can't fill in the fight details at least roughly, then you really suck.

Miku: "Well that was easy."

Misty: "You know, we didn't actually end up fighting them."

Miku: "Yes, but we need to pretend we did!"

Misty: "Meh."

They continue on until...

Miku: "Shit, another random encounter!"

3000 small furry creatures approach.

Miku: "This'll take ages..."

Luka: "Hang on, what's that button under 'begin battle?'"

Miku: "Autoresolve... hell yeah!" Clicks the button.

Announcement: "You win!"

Miku: "Yeah, we know. I like this autoresolve thing."

Misty: "It does make games faster when you can skip easy battles."

Miku: "Well, let's keep going..."

They keep walking for a little longer, then...

Luka: "Oh gods... another random encounter."

1 small furry creature approaches.

Miku: "Autoresolve..."

Announcement: "You lose!"

Miku: "What? But there are..." Adds up quickly, "Eleven of us, versus one damned small furry creature!"

Misty: "That's the problem with autoresolve, it's almost always better for the players to actually fight the battle."

Miku: "Screw this! I'm killing that small furry creature!" Pulls out her BRS gun and blows the sfc to pieces.

Luka: "At least there aren't any tree-huggers around to tell us off for that."

Random Druid: "You accursed beings! You tear the heart out of nature."

Luka: "I spoke too soon."

Miku: "Don't worry." Turns her gun on the druid, and reduces him to ash, "You see, you were right: no tree-huggers around."

Luka: "Er... yes... ehe... I suppose that's true..."

Lumi: "That girl is scary."

Misty: "You only just realised this? She's scared the shit out of the rest of us for the last twenty-something chapters, and you only just realised now?"

Lumi: "Well, some people do say I'm... hard to scare."

Misty: "I can believe that..."

Miku: "Anyway, come on guys, this swamp is boring, I want to get to whichever area it was next."

Neru: Checking the internet on her phone, "It was the River of Ruin."

Miku: "Ah, okay. So let's go."

The group walk on... and on... and on...

Miku: "Well this is monotonous."

Luka: "Yeah..."

They keep walking for a little longer...

Misty: "Oh, I see what's going on here, Wolfie can't think of anything to happen, so he's just filling in with walking."

Miku: "But that means that something will happen soon, right?"

Misty: "Probably."

The group walk on for another hour or so, with nothing happening still.

Miku: "I'm just about ready to scream, there had better be some sort of encounter within the next hundred feet."

Luka: "Why can I smell tuna?"

Miku: "Eh? You can smell tuna?"

Luka: "Yeah, you know how you have highly adapted negi-seeking-senses? I have the same, only for tuna. I'm guessing it's about..." Smells the air, "500 yards ahead, moving at a steady rate of 5mph West, and there's a lot of it."

Misty: "Okay, now I'm scared..."

Miku: "That must be the river! Let's go quickly!"

The group run forward, as Luka leads them, until...

Luka: "Oh a fishmongers!"

Gakupo: Putting his hand on his wallet, "Oh dear..."

Luka: "Gakkun sweetie..."

Gakupo: "Alright... how much?"

Luka: "Oh, not too much, we are going to have to carry it with us."

Miku: "Why... not only do we not find the river, there isn't any sign of any spring onions/leeks anywhere!"

Fishmonger: "Are ye lookin' fer the River o' Ruin?"

Miku: "No, we are looking for the River of Ruin, and my lunch."

Fishmonger: "Right... well if ye go that way," point to his right, "and carry on fer a few hundred yards, ye'll get to the river."

Miku: "And the Negi?"

Fishmonger: "Here, I have some tha ma friend gave me."

Misty: "What accent is that?"

Fishmonger: "Wolfie's attempt at a 'commoner' accent."

Miku: "Oh dear..." Munches on her negi.

Luka: "He really is bad at his accents." Eats a whole, raw, tuna.

Gakupo: "Why do I feel that my money just got devoured?"

Luka: "What was that darling?"

Gakupo: "Nothing..."

Miku: "Anyway, now, onwards! To the River of Ruin!"

The group rush towards the river, and the swamp area ,which, for the record, somehow obscured their vision to only a few dozen yards, disperses, and they see...

Miku: "The River!"

Luka: "Wow... there must be even more tuna here!"

Gakupo: "Oh no..."

Kaito: "Doesn't the river look... well... a little... wide?"

The river is, for the record, about a mile wide.

Meiko: "We're gonna need a boat..."

Miku: "Well, boys, she's right we do need a boat..."

All the boys: "Fine..." Go and begin work on the boat.

Neru: "You're really unscrupulous you know."

Miku: "Yeah, and? It get's the job done."

Neru: "Who said I was complaining?"


Wolfie: "So, they've reached the River of Ruin?"

Sergeant Pi: "We should go and intercept them!"

Wolfie: "No, it'll be much more amusing to let them flounder their way across. Trust me, the only reason I don't fear crossing that river is 'cause I can fly."

Pi: "Oh... dear..."

Wolfie: "I'm just wondering why nobody has spotted the major problem with what they've been doing?"

Pi: "What? They've just been travelling towards... oh... oh... I see..."

Wolfie: "Precisely. Anyways, that's the end of this chapter. See you all next chapter, and don't forget to review, HINT HINT!"

Bis Bald

BW