Hello my beautiful readers!

What a busy week! I have NAPLAN this week and thank god its my last ones, but I mean whatever... Except tomorrows my math one, going to fail that spectacularly.

Thank you so much to all of you who replied to my question in the authors note last chapter, do you guys want me to do stuff like that more often? Anyhow a big thanks to Beetle126, madwamoose, Raven that flies at night, Anya, .2017, lightbabe, and mazeygrace18 for their reviews!

This chapters super angsty and emotional! Don't forget to leave a review lovelies and enjoy!


"Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodnight till it be morrow."

- William Shakespeare

Remus wrung his hands as he sat on her lounge waiting for Mary to come home. His mind swarming with unnecessary thoughts. How could he do that to her? How could he stand in front of her, look into her beautiful sapphire eyes and tell her that everything he did was in order to protect her? That he'd have to leave for a while and quite possibly never come back.

He felt dread settle in the pit of his stomach, how would she react? He knew he wouldn't be able to leave if she cried, merlin the thought of hurting her maimed him, he felt his heart tear just at the thought of her pain, caused by him. He couldn't hurt the people he loved, it'd eat him up from inside out.

He loved her

All throughout his life he had believed that you were not meant to hurt those you loved, but wasn't that what he was doing now? He was going to deliberately maim her and leave her.

He jumped slightly when he heard the telling pop of apparition signalling her arrival, he felt a shudder go down his spine and he felt the contents of his breakfast churn. He didn't know if he could do it... He looked up to see her standing in the middle of the walkway gazing at him with a smile on her tired face.

"Hey stranger." She sighed before stumbling over to him and slumping on the couch next to him, he sighed in contentment as she snuggled into his side, he inhaled the apple scent of her shampoo. His heart filled and he could feel his eyes begin to well up, how could he swap this for a meaningless pursuit guaranteed to end in bloodshed and meaningless death. He pulled her closer, craving her warm embrace and relishing in it.

"Today was so tough!" she whispered, her voice choking up slightly, "We went out on the field again and…" she paused and took a shaky breath, he could almost feel her speeding heart against his chest. Remus felt his heart break for her, he couldn't begin to comprehend the pain that she was going through or the horrors she was seeing... "They're all dying."

"Everyone's dying and…there's nothing I can do to stop them." she sounded hysterical, "I became an auror so I could help the war effort, so I could save lives!" she exclaimed, her voice muffled by his chest. He felt wetness dampen his top and realised she had started crying. He felt his heart tear and he knew... He couldn't do it today. His heart tore for her, all her intentions were good, yet nothing good ever came to her.

For now all he could do was hold her,

So that's what he did.


James leant on his elbows over a booth at the leaky cauldron, next to him Sirius and Elizabeth were sitting hand in hand, miserable expressions on their faces. She squeezed the boys hands in sympathy, they had seen too much, felt too much and experienced too much. They were merely teenagers! They'd just left school! But unlike every other teenager, they were fighting a war.

"You did everything in your power to help them," Elizabeth whispered, her heart breaking at the horrors they had seen. James looked up, his jaw clenched.

"Well obviously it wasn't enough!" he snapped, causing people from surrounding tables to turn to them. He muttered his apologies and continued after they turned away. Sirius gave him a dirty look and he sighed, Sirius rolled his eyes and with his spare hand played with the dust on the table.

"What James means mon ange, is that nothing we bloody do has any affect on the war! People aren't just going to stop joining him when he keeps making promises the ministry refuses to!"

Elizabeth raised a hand to silence him. She didn't need to have it repeated to her for the hundredth time, she wasn't death, she could understand them perfectly.

"And I understand that!" she whispered harshly across the table, her thick brows furrowed "But right now isn't the time to discuss this! We don't know who is listening!"

James sighed and flicked dust on the table, trying to rid himself of the venomous thoughts swirling through his mind and poisoning him. He was so sick of it, he didn't want to fight anymore, he wished he wasn't so noble and decided to become a quidditch player, it would've been so much easier.

"It's not fair." He whispered, "This war its…" he paused, "It's making us waste our youth." James winced at how insensitive he sounded.

Sirius nodded in agreement and took a sip of his Butterbeer. James continued.

"I hate to say it, but I'm jealous of muggles. They just wander around oblivious to all this shit but we wake up every morning trying to forget about all this! I know it's insensitive, people out there are dying and yeah some of them are younger than us, they don't even have a life anymore! But we do and we aren't allowed to live it the way we want!"

Elizabeth knew that those thoughts were eating away at him and that guilt was gnawing at his insides, and yes it was shallow to think like that, but he was right and they all thought it, even if they didn't say it. They all hated this god forsaken war.

"You wouldn't be jealous of muggles if you had to go to school without magic." Elizabeth lamely joked, the boys looked at her smiling visage and couldn't help but crack a small smile. She felt a small victory at cheering them up, however when the smiles dropped she let her hand fall to the wooden table with a thump.

"Come on!" she groaned, tilting her head to the side, "Its already been a depressing enough day, don't make it worse!"

"It can't get worse." Sirius sulked causing Liz to rolled her eyes and take a swing of her butterbeer.

"Well I can always take you to the dentist," she suggested, an impish smile creeping up on her face. The boys face contorted with confusion.

"What is that?" Sirius questioned, James, nodding from behind him.

"Is that like the butcher?" James questioned causing her to spray out her drink. Well...from certain point of view, many people compared the dentist to the butcher. She quite liked the dentist, maybe it was because she spent so long there when she got braces in the third year, her parents not trusting the magical world to fix her teeth, luckily she didn't need them for too long and they were off after a little over a year. But her dentist was hot, so that was another point as to why he should go to the dentist.

"Sirius I promise I'll take you one day, it'll be fun." she winked at him, "But now, we gotta have some fun of our own."

"How do you propose we do that exactly?"

Elizabeth gave the pair a devilish smirk. And pulled out a bag of white tshirts. The boys gave her questionable looks, she raised an eyebrow.

"What do you say to some embellishment?"


Mary rolled over and spread her hand out across the bed, but her hand fell onto the done up sheets. She sloppily sat up, alarmed that Remus wasn't with her. He wasn't the type to leave half way through the night, if he did it would be urgent. Worst case scenarios raced through her mind, what could have happened? The bed was perfectly done up, as if Remus staying is a figment of her imagination.

She bit her lip and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes before stumbling out of bed. Her mind racing as she wondered what was so urgent that he had to leave. In her mind, she silently ran through the date…it wasn't even a full moon.

She waved her wand to boil the water and moved to the table. Her eye caught a piece of parchment laying on the table. a smile graced her features, only Remus would be so sweet. Her brow furrowed, it was probably Remus apologising for leaving. He was too good for her, most guys would've just explained another time.

Her heart dropped and her eyes widened as her eyes raked over the letter. Her heart sped up and her breathing became more shallow.

Dearest Mary,

My love, my other half, I would like to start off by saying that I love you so incredibly much.

And that is why I have no choice but to do this.

Mary, I'm so sorry for having to do this to you, for having to hurt you like this when you're already suffering. But I am not doing this because I want to, but because it's the right thing to do.

We have to break up.

Lying down next to you last night, consoling you and wiping away your tears. The whole time I felt unexplainable pain and guilt. I do not make this decision lightly, but for your sake and my own, I must do this. Trust me when I tell you this isn't personal. This war is breaking you and soon, it's going to break me- For this reason, I believe that we are better suited apart for the time being whilst we adjust to our new surroundings.

Mare, you have so much potential, so much hope for the future; I will hold you back, I can't give you a proper home or a proper life, By being in a relationship with me you will forever be ostracised, and I can't do that to you. I love you too much. I can't let you live through what I do for the rest of your life, it isn't fair for someone so special.

You deserve somebody who can give you everything in life, someone whole and successful, not a werewolf who graduated school nearly four months ago and is still unemployed.

Please, do not hate me for the pain I just caused, I cannot describe the pain in my heart whilst writing this letter. The utter guilt in knowing that I am causing you more suffering. This is not as easy as you might think. I am utterly in love with you, and that is why I must do this. The war has been harsh on both of us, and being with me is going to cause you more pain. Afterall, i am going after the unattianble, in pursuit of something thats going to end up with constant danger.

Mary, please, remember that I love you, and will continue to do so until the end of my days; In an alternate universe, we could have married, had kids, a white picket fence house, but alas, we find ourselves lost and fighting a war that was never ours to begin with. Lately I've found that all of us are making sacrifices and getting nothing in return.

I love you and I'm sorry,

Remus.

Mary's body trembled and the letter crumpled in her shaking hands. A single tear dropped down her cheek and her breath came out in gasps, in short, sharp heaving breaths. Her eyes skimmed over the words once more. He left her, he came to her last night knowing that he was going to leave, perhaps he would've told her this to her face had she not broken down in his arms. He consoled her knowing that he was going to leave her. She felt her heart ache at the thought of him and salty tears fall down her face.

He left her.

He bloody left her.

She felt her knees buckle under her weight and she collapsed onto the floor. Pain surged through her chest, she felt tears welling in her eyes against her will. She couldn't believe that he had abandoned her and hadn't even explained to her why he was leaving accept for afew bullshit, diplomatic words.

He left her.


As Remus was packing his few robes and belongings that lay littered across the hideous orange couch that tortured Elizabeth with its presence on a daily basis, a door slammed and a rush of wind flew through the small flat. His head shot up as familiar footsteps echoed through the hall, Dread stuck to his stomach like chewing gum in hair, this was a confrontation he'd rather avoid and hoped he would until he got back.

"REMUS LUPIN!" A female voice yelled, he jumped on the spot and cringed away from the sound. A short brunette rounded the corner. "HOW BLOODY DARE YOU!"

He stood up just as she stood infront of him, "I JUST GOT A FLOO CALL FROM MARY AND SHE IS A BLOODY MESS AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?"

He shrunk away, intimidated by her small stature, despite his much taller height, he felt so intimidated of Elizabeth. But after being with Sirius who was not much shorter than him, she must be used to fighting with taller people.

"BECAUSE YOU BROKE UP WITH HER!" She pointed at him, emphasising every word, her eyes flashing with anger and her cheeks flushed crimson. "YOU LOVE HER! YOU LOVE HER SO WHY THE FLYING FUCK WOULD YOU BREAK UP WITH HER!"

"Liz-" She interrupted him, throwing up a hand, clenching her teeth together.

"No." she whispered in a deadly tone, "Let me bloody finish." Elizabeth spat.

"That girl loves you, she loves you for all your faults and issues! She loves you because you're kind and intelligent, because your courageous and handsome, because you're chivalrous and caring. She doesn't care if you have money, she doesn't care if you want kids, she doesn't care if you two run off and bloody elope." She shook her head dejectedly, trying to comprehend what was going through her good friends mind, why, all of a sudden would he choose to abandon the woman he loved?

"She just wants you and you are incapable of understanding that!" she exclaimed, ringing her hands in frusturation. Remus sighed at her words and pinched the bridge of his nose. She wasn't wrong, he knew that. But he didn't tell Mary the full story, and he regretted that she wouldn't find out from him, maybe not ever. He hated the thought of her waiting for him. But he couldn't look her in the eyes and explain his absence.

"You know, I wouldn't just hurt someone for no reason." He told her, looking into her blue eyes keenly, she raised an eyebrow and cocked her hip out. Her lips twitching at the irony of the statement.

"Oh really?"

He sighed and walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders, looking down into her blue eyes he could understand why Sirius had become so enamoured with her. His heart tore having to tell Elizabeth that he was leaving. He hated this, he hated this war and all the suffering.

"I'm being sent out on a long term mission."

Elizabeths eyes widened and her body tensed, she felt regret wash over her for yelling at him, if she'd known she never would've reacted the way she did. She felt dread within, this boy may never come back. Neither one of them, from within their group had yet been sent out on a long term mission, Remus was the first...

"I'm being sent out to recruit the werewolves." He whispered, he could almost feel her regret tangible in the air. Elizabeth felt a lump in her throat as he continued, the gravity of the situation hitting her straight in the gut. "I left her because I wanted to protect her, never to hurt her."

Elizabeth opened her mouth and he raised a hand to stop her from speaking.

"I know that now she is hurting, so am I, Liz, more than you can imagine." he shook his head as tears unwillingly welled in his eyes, "But I'd rather her hurting than dead."

Elizabeth nodded, a single tear ran down her cheek, she understood and she didn't know wether she had the strength to do what Remus had done; She moved forward and hugged him, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. A tear ran down his cheek and landed in her hair.

Liz let out a congested laugh and she buried her head in his chest.

"Just because I'm hugging you doesn't mean I forgive you for breaking up with her."


"I always said that I wouldn't mope after being dumped, that I was better than that." Mary snorted and took a spoonful of chocolate icecream, Lily nodded slowly and Liz watched on with sadness, guilt gnawing at her insides for not telling Mary why Remus was gone. She had to choose between ones secret and ones pain; and in her heart she knew which one she'd probably choose. "But look at me!" she pointed to herself, her face tearstained, "I'm a bloody mess!"

"You're a mess." Alice stated, taking a heap of strawberry icecream, "Not a bloody mess."

Mary raised an eyebrow and let out a sob, "I'm on my period Alice, I'm definitely a bloody mess!"

Lily swallowed her mouthful of vanilla icecream, wincing at the coldness of it and ran a hand up Marys arm. "Its completely understandable babes, you have every right to be-"

Mary interrupted, more tears slewing down her face.

"Lily, I am struggling to eat chocolate icecream because it was his favorite."

Elizabeth snorted into her salted caramel icecream, causing both girls to turn to her, that was a bit melodramatic, but it wasn't her place to say anything. She shrugged in response,

"I'd offer to swap you but you only have fake icecream." Mary glared at her, her eyes twitching slightly.

"This doesn't look fake to me!" she exclaimed causing Elizabeth to roll her eyes, Alice nodded in the background, agreeing with Elizabeth's statement.

"Its fat free." She whispered causing Lily to burst into laughter and Mary's eyes to narrow into slits and lean forward. The girl took the tub out of Elizabeths hands and sat back in her dark blue beanbag.

"She's right." Alice mumbled through a mouthful of icecream, causing Mary to stab her spoon into Elizabeth's tub.

"It tastes the same idiot!"

Elizabeths face contorted with annoyance as she sampled the bitter chocolate. She looked at the girls and shook her head with disgust tattooed on her features.

"Trust me, Remus wouldn't have enjoyed this bullshit, You can have it back Mare!" Mary shook her head and sunk deeper into the beanbag.

"That tastes like Hippogriff shit after this."

Elizabeths jaw dropped and she looked at Lily pleadingly, who merely shrugged and signalled for her to share her tub of vanilla. She didn't really like vanilla though so instead she wedged herself next to Alice and started eating her strawberry icecream. Nice and sweet. Lily rolled her eyes at her best friends antics.

"Mare-"

Mary's eyes welled with tears, "Please don't call me that, that's what he called me."

Lily sighed and looked at her, she had no clue how to deal with her, she's never had to deal with such an emotional Mary let alone anyone before! Mary gazed at her and let out a dry sob.

"I loved him so bloody much!" The girls moved forward to embrace her between them, "I loved him so much and he couldn't even give me a proper excuse why he fucking left!"

"I…I ffe-el so bl-bloody st-stupid!" she cried, snot wiping against Alices sleeve. "I f-feel ss-o wo-rthless!"

Lily rubbed Mary's back soothingly, "You're not stupid or worthless Mare!"

Mary shook her head and she wiped her nose on her sleeve. Elizabeth spoke up, her insides churning. If she couldn't say the entire truth she'd say the partial truth.

"Mare, you know Remus!" she squeezed her friends hand, "He loves you more than either of us think, he wouldn't just break up with you for no reason!"

Mary looked up, her bloodshot eyes narrowed with suspicion, her cheeks drying as she looked at her close friend, she knew her too well and knew very well when Elizabeth was hiding something.

"Liz, what did he say?"

Elizabeth felt her heart stop beating, she was the worst liar and she knew that this was it. Either she'd betray one friend or lose her friendship with another. She felt her stomach churn and as she looked at her hysterical best friend, she couldn't not tell the truth. guilt gnawed at her insides, but she knew it was the right thing to do.

"He… His trying to protect you." She whispered, Mary snorted and shook her head in disbelief,

"Tell me something I don't know Liz! He said that in the bloody letter! I don't know how he thinks his protecting me-"

She sighed heavily, Lily looked at her curiously and shook her head, inferring her question. Elizabeth gave her a pleading look, In response her best friend shook her head.

"He…" she paused, Elizabeth took a deep breath and prayed to all the gods that Remus had already left otherwise shit was going to hit the fan, her stomach churned. "He's going on an order mission."

There, its out in the open.

"WHAT!" Mary jumped to her feet, her cheeks flushing. How dare he! How could he put himself in such reckless danger for the order! What even was this bloody mission he was on! She felt anger course deeply through her veins, why the hell wouldn't he tell her this! Why didn't he give her the proper dignity of goodbye, the truth!

"WHAT THE HELL SORT OF MISSION IS HE GOING ON!"

Elizabeth sighed and grabbed the hysterical girls hands in her own, rubbing her thumb against her knuckles, miming what Sirius did to calm her down.

"Mary, you need to sit down."

"NO! I WILL NOT SIT DOWN!"

From behind the girl Lily pushed her down to sit on the leather couch.

"Mare, you're not going to find out what the hell is going on if you're acting like a headless Norwegian ridgeback!"

The girl in question huffed and crossed her arms across her chest in annoyance, her chest heaving and breaths short, cheeks crimson.

"Well speak."

Elizabeth sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, why was it always her, why did she always have to explain everything and end up in between every bodies mess.

"Dumbledore sent him out to recruit the werewolves."

Mary froze in her seat, rage flickering across her features.

"Would you care to repeat that?"

Elizabeth gulped and Lily pinched the bridge of her nose in frusturation, she couldn't believe this, and she too felt slightly cheated the she hadn't been told. Alice let out a sigh, knowing how harsh this would be on the group.

"He is trying to sway the werewolves to the order as opposed to the death eaters."

"Mare he'll be FINE!" Alice yelled after the girl who was raging.

Mary let out a roar of frusturation and stood up, the girls moved towards the angry blonde but before they knew it, with a pop she apparated out of the lounge.


Meanwhile The marauders had gathered in their flat. Remus had a bag slung over his shoulder and a portkey was laying on the table next to him. he felt sorrow at the thought of leaving them all, at all that he would miss out on and the thought that perhaps this would be the last time he'd ever see them.

"Well, this is it."

Sirius leaped forward into Remus's arms. He would never admit to how, unmanly the hug was, it was unbecoming of Sirius black, but in the moment, he needed to be in his friends arms, one last time, just in case he never did again.

Remus felt himself choke up, he was leaving so much behind, for what? A self inflicted sense of duty to the headmaster who gave him hope for his future… The woman he loved, his best mates, the girls who were sisters to him…

"Stay safe Moony."

Remus nodded into the crook of Sirius's neck. He would never leave them, he could never allow them to grieve for him. Sirius clapped him on the back and moved away, His heart clenched at the thought of how affected they were, Sirius was getting emotional, despite what he said, and that was digging a hole in his heart.

"Don't get on their bad side." Peter whispered to Remus as he embraced him, "Keep safe and be careful. We don't want to lose a member of the gang anytime soon."

Remus nodded on Peters head, "I don't plan on not coming back, I have too much to live for." he whispered, giving the boy a wink.

When James moved forward it was the most emotional.

"Don't go dying on us Moony, I plan on having 3 groomsmen, not two." Remus snorted and clapped James on the back, a watery smile spread across Remus's face, they were all growing up. He felt like everyone else was doing something or moving on and he was stuck in this endless black abyss with no sense of direction.

"You ask her first then plan your groomsmen James."

James rolled his eyes, and Remus winked and them before grabbing onto the portkey.

And within seconds he was gone.

With a pop Mary apparated into the flat, her face alight with both frusturation and hope. However her composure crumbled as she saw the boys defeated looks. A sob fuelled by rage excaped her as she crumbled to the ground in a heap.

He left her.

That was super heavy! Fun fact this took about two hours longer than extra to edit because I spent the last four hours trying to win Ed sheeran tickets and failed :( Leave me a review for good luck!

Anyhow down below is a sneak peek!

We were tipped off about a meeting at the shed, new death eaters are being inducted and Voldemort will be there.

I promise you its a good one ;) Anyway I'm not sure if I'll update Wednesday or Thursday next week because I have camp (Ive never been proper camping I'm going to die)!

Don't forget to leave a review, wish me some luck for Ed Sheeran tickets, my maths NAPLAN and camping, I think I'm going to need it ;)

Ruby xo