Edited: 24/06/13
Chapter 29 - Out of the Equation
The lake of Amsvartnir was a stagnant waste, with a single island in the centre, Lyngvi. It was here that Fenrir was bound, alone and isolated from the rest of Asgard. No one dared go near the water of this lake, it was unclean and full of dangerous monsters, like Nökken which sought to lure innocent children to watery and bloody deaths. Yet none of the monsters would go near the island, out of fear of Fenrir and his huge jaws.
Loki slipped through the open wound he had ripped into space –he would fix it later –and found himself on the edge of the island, with his face pressed against a huge mound of fur. It reeked of faeces, salt, blood and infection. His toes skimmed the water as he pushed away from the warm mound, which he realised was Fenrir's bent and twisted upper leg, and looked up. Fenrir was like a mountain of fur, his breathing loud and rattling as his flesh pressed against Gleipnir every time he inhaled.
"My boy…" Loki sighed, burying his face back into the fur as he curled his fingers around the fur. Fenrir let out a low, threatening growl and twitched, hard. The strength was enough to knock Loki back, and he teetered on the edge of the sand, arms out to keep his balance. If he fell into the water he would be set upon by every foul creature that lived in it.
As he fell back Loki quickly pulled on his seiðr and forced his shape to change into that of a small bird. He flapped his wings frantically and managed to hover above the scummy water. With a squawk of effort, he heaved his wings and rose up into the air. He soared up and up until he could see the whole island hidden beneath Fenrir's bulk. The massive wolf barely stirred as he lay where he was, growling and wheezing, the golden shine of Gleipnir catching in the hazy sunlight with every breath. Loki dived down and landed on Fenrir's haunches, so lightly Fenrir did not notice. Turning his bird head, he brought an eye close to the ribbon. It was barely the width of his thumb, and gave the illusion of being made of something like liquid silk. Yet when Loki pulled on it with his beak, it was like biting down on solid metal. Loki let go and pondered what to do next. Breaking Gleipnir would take a lot of thought, he could not just untie it, once it had been wrapped around Fenrir, it had fused together, binding into the rock it had been attached to. It also grew to accommodate its contents. It had been about as long as Loki's arm span at the beginning. Now it was tens of times longer.
However, Gleipnir was not the only issue.
Loki stepped over Fenrir's back towards his neck. There rested a heavy collar made of steel, covered in runes, including the symbol of Odin. The seiðr emanated from it like a bad odour, and it had always made Loki and Sigyn ill after too much exposure to it. Made by Brokkr the Dvergar, who had also made Mjölnir, it was designed as extra safety, keeping Fenrir from reaching his full strength, in case he somehow became stronger than Gleipnir could stand.
Loki eyed the collar for a long time, hating it and pondering it. Would he have to leave it on? He had no idea how to free Fenrir and rehabilitate him. Was there anything left of the baby he had birthed inside this massive beast?
Loki slid down Fenrir's shoulder, shifting back to his Aesir (Vanir?) form. It had been so long since he had seen Fenrir, and he felt ashamed for his abandonment of his child. It did not quell his nerves as he eyed the massive jaws Fenrir now had. Loki's abiding memory of Fenrir was as a tiny puppy, wrapping his toothless gums around Loki's finger, little pink tongue lapping at the pad in the hope of food. Now, three Thor's could fit quite comfortably in his mouth, which hung open, saliva running into the lake and a huge red tongue lolling out as Fenrir panted.
Tentatively, Loki reached out and touched the huge, cool nose.
"Fenrir…"
Fenrir let out a loud snarl and his whole body twisted under Gleipnir's grip. His head snapped up and the next thing Loki knew was blinding pain as Fenrir's jaws snapped shut around his arm. Loki thrashed in a blind panic as the teeth pierced his flesh, his muscle, and then his bone, shattering it. Loki shrieked and tried to pull free –and then felt like a hook had wrapped around his gut and tugged hard. The pain rendered him blind and deaf as he was pulled away from Fenrir, and he felt his whole body twisting and shifting like clay being moulded by cruel hands, floating in an ether he could not see, or smell or feel. The pain was no longer in his arm, it was inside him, he no longer had a body. But he was still screaming.
The hook around him pulled harder and harder, and he started to sink, deeper and deeper into the ether of blackness, suffocating and airless, crushing and pulling apart again and again until finally the Vanir-Jötun being known as Loki ceased to exist.
Heimdall knew he would have to keep a very close eye on Loki now that the young king knew of his mother's race. Loki was prone to fits of rage and passion that made him incapable of rational thought. Heimdall knew he was planning something drastic for the outlaws, he had watched him send Mýrkjartan off to scout the numbers, but the trouble with Loki was he never gave away his plans. He kept them to himself, and whatever else Heimdall was, he was not a mind reader. So he could only watch and hope Loki would not shield himself from Heimdall's gaze so he could keep an eye on him. Of course, there was very little he could do, he could not report to Odin what Loki was doing, as he had when Loki had vanished as a youth, or when Loki had fled the palace to birth Fenrir. Loki was king now, there was really only the council and his mother who could influence him –and his wife in secret.
So when Loki ran off on Sleipnir and slept on the ground, Heimdall watched him, obeying his duty and his princess. He found himself feeling a small measure of pity for the young man, watching his fitful sleep. When he returned home and disappeared into his bedchambers, Heimdall lost his sight of him. Clearly the king's bedchambers were enchanted to avoid Heimdall's gaze. Heimdall opened his gaze to sense when Loki moved as he resumed his usual duty.
Then Loki was slipping through space and Heimdall quickly directed his gaze to the wayward king, alarmed when he emerged next to Fenrir. It had been many years since Loki had visited his son. Any curiosity about what Loki was doing there vanished into a shock that he had not felt in centuries when Fenrir bit down on Loki's arm, tearing it off, and the next thing he knew Loki was gone. Not just invisible, Heimdall could not sense him at all. Even when Loki hid himself, Heimdall had always been able to sense him existing in the universe, which was why he had missed Loki being able to hide from him. If Loki had disappeared from the universe, Heimdall would have noticed at once.
Certain he was mistaken, Heimdall pushed his gaze wider to peer beyond the usual wards that took a lot of his energy to see within, trying to find him. But there was nothing.
Loki did not exist.
Heimdall quickly sheathed his sword across his back and turned away from his post. He held up his hand and conjured a ball of blue light.
"I call upon the king's lendmenn and My Lady's the King's Mother to gather in the State Chamber at once, it is a matter of great urgency."
The blue ball shimmered and split into nine balls, shooting towards the palace. Heimdall grabbed the horse that was always ready for him, and set off across the Bifrost. People looked at him as he strode through the city, alarmed by his presence, but all Heimdall focused on was trying to find Loki, hoping the King had appeared again, but by the time he had arrived at the palace Loki was still completely absent. He drove the horse into the palace itself and rode all the way through to the State Wing. As he arrived at the door, Frigga came running up to him.
"Heimdall what's happened? Why did you call for me and the advisors, but not my son?"
Heimdall swung off the horse and knelt before Frigga.
"My Lady, I fear something has happened to your son that I have never experienced before. I must speak with the advisors."
"What's happened to Loki? Is he in danger?" Frigga asked desperately.
Before Heimdall could answer, Kvasir and Sverrir came running up, followed by Tyr and Forseti.
"The king is in danger?" Sverrir asked in alarm.
Heimdall straightened up and walked into the State Chamber without looking back, knowing they would all follow. In less than a minute the lendmenn had all arrived, Lady Frigga was composing herself, despite her panic, and Heimdall turned to them all.
"Moments ago, King Loki vanished from my sense. I cannot see, or sense him in the whole universe. I do not know why this has happened, or if he can come back."
There was silence for a moment as the advisors took this in, paling as one.
"Wh-what do you mean you cannot see him?" Sverrir asked him.
Heimdall folded his hands in front of his belt, regarding the youngest member of the council. "I mean that as far as I can see or otherwise determine the king no longer exists."
Frigga covered her mouth with her hand and sank down into the nearest chair.
"How do you just stop existing?" demanded Tyr furiously. "How did this happen?"
"For reasons I do not understand, the king went to the island of Lyngvi."
Frigga's head snapped up, eyes widening in some understanding.
"The island of Fenrir? Why?" asked Hoder
"I do not know," answered Heimdall honestly, "However what I saw was the wolf bite upon the king's arm… ripping it off."
"Oh Loki!" Frigga murmured.
"I saw the king pull away and the next thing I saw he had vanished, and I could no longer sense his existence at all. I am still searching for him, but so far he has not reappeared."
"Well maybe he's just hiding, he's so skilled in seiðr," said Sverrir urgently.
"If Loki were to hide from my gaze, he would do so in a manner that would allow me to suspect nothing. I have always been able to sense the king's presence, save when he disappeared when he was nineteen. I must turn my gaze upon something to see it, but I can tell when someone is no longer there."
"But if he disappeared before like this, even if it was centuries ago, could it be that again?" asked Forseti.
Heimdall shook his head, "No, it's not the same. I could not see him, and I could not find him, but I was certain he was alive. This time… he simply does not exist."
"So what do we do?" demanded Bragi, resting his hand on Frigga's shoulder in comfort.
"I am uncertain," Heimdall answered truthfully.
"He lost an arm and just vanished?" Sverrir said faintly, looking ill. Heimdall nodded. "Father… can you scry for him?"
Kvasir's face was full of doubt, he knew that if Heimdall could not see Loki, then it was unlikely that he could find him. He said,
"I will try. Perhaps he has slipped into a part of the universe that Heimdall's gaze does not lie. After all, you can see far, but there are some places your gaze cannot fall."
Heimdall nodded as Kvasir moved away to start scrying, "I see the tangible, but find it harder to see into the deeper fabrics."
"Could Loki have retreated into another dimension, one we cannot perceive?" Frigga asked, rising to her feet.
"But why would he do that when his arm has been ripped off?" asked Forseti bluntly. Sverrir groaned faintly, looking ill at the idea. Frigga paled, but maintained her composure, saying quietly.
"He may have tried to return to Asgard for help, but got caught in between spaces and carried away."
"If he was carried away… can he find his way back?" asked Sverrir hopefully.
"It depends on where he went and how strong he is considering his injury," said Kvasir.
Sverrir's face fell and he looked at Frigga, "So… does that mean he might…"
Frigga inhaled sharply and pressed her fingers to her mouth, shaking her head, "No." she declared, her voice thick. "No, Loki is strong. He will find a way back, no matter what."
"I agree!" Sverrir said quickly, looking relieved, "He'll be back, he'll be fine."
"And until then… what do we do?" asked Hoder shortly, his face drawn into a scowl. "What do we tell the court? The people?"
"We… say nothing for the moment." said Frigga, "If Loki is gone, then I am regent until his return and I say we keep this quiet. We must give Loki a chance to come back to us, because when he does, he would not be happy if we had distressed the people needlessly."
"Yes majesty," the men murmured.
"Heimdall," Frigga looked at him and he knelt at once to her, "You will scan the universe for my son, and do not rest until you find him."
"Yes majesty." Heimdall bowed his head, his gaze already stretching out as far as he could.
"Kvasir, you do whatever you can to find him as well."
"Yes majesty."
"But what was the King doing on Lyngvi? Why did he go near Fenrir?" Sverrir asked.
"That will be determined when he is home," said Frigga shortly.
No one dared doubt the certainty in her voice.
Sigyn emerged from the mirror into her bedchamber, shaking with rage and burning with a deeply unwelcome sense of shame.
Loki had called her a coward.
How dare he? He was her husband! He had no right to call her a coward.
And yet… why couldn't Sigyn fight her parents the way Loki fought everyone around him? Even on something that mattered more to her than anything else? She wanted to be queen of Asgard, more importantly, she wanted to be Loki's wife. Not Thor's, not Berach's, but Loki's.
Was Loki right? Did she keep waiting for him to fix things when she should be doing it herself? After all, she was a Crown Princess, expected to become a ruler and make important decisions. She was not just expected to sit and look pretty as a queen. She was meant to be a monarch, and even with Loki as her consort, her duty was to be the monarch of her people. She was to lead them, not leave it to whomever she married.
When she had been a younger girl, Sigyn had applied herself to all the politics she could learn and practise, taking careful time to learn how each of the Nine Realms functioned under law and custom so she could interact with everyone as best as she could. She knew the laws of Vanaheim like she knew the planes of Loki's body –possibly because she had spent a delightful night writing every law on his white skin. As a girl, Sigyn had looked forward to becoming an adult, becoming queen, but as the years, decades and then centuries passed, Sigyn had found herself stuck in the same routine for everything, over and over again. Eventually she had lost interest in trying. The only thing that held her attention now was Loki.
As she sat down on her bed, Sigyn wondered when she had become so acquiescent. It must have happened gradually, without her or Loki noticing.
Sigyn had never wanted to be a detached, careless ruler, she had never wanted to be a submissive person, just quietly accepting whatever was done to her. She had wanted freedom, choice, to be who she was. It was why she had fallen in love with Loki, he demanded it of her, if she tried to hide behind airs and lessons, he would quickly tear them away from her.
Sigyn wished she had not said such terrible things about Loki and his children, even if the thoughts had crossed her mind before. She had always wanted to do something about Loki and his children, especially Fenrir, her poor baby. The memory of them made Loki so miserable, and Sigyn wished she could fix it for him. However, she knew that now was not the time for Loki to go off on a self-appointed mission to make peace and save his children, he could do it when he had the kingdom under a more stable control. He could do it when they were married and she could help support him.
A bird called outside her window and she looked up. The curtains were drawn, as usual once she had been put to bed.
Something not unlike excitement stirred in her stomach as a thought formed in her mind. Glancing at her door, knowing the Svana and Ey would be walking in at any moment, Sigyn made a decision. She rose to her feet and pulled at the straps of her pink nightdress, dropping it down to the floor. Stepping out of it, she walked across her room, and pulled aside the curtains. It was not quite sunrise yet, but the blackness of light had faded, and no lights of lamps had yet been lit in the city below. Everything looked like it was shaded blue or purple, even the grass.
A soft wind blew and Sigyn shivered as it brushed over her bare skin, catching her short hair and pulling it across her face. Inhaling, she let go of the curtain and stepped out onto the balcony, reaching out and resting her forearms on the stone rail.
When was the last time she had done this? It must have been centuries ago. Sigyn used to love the feel of Vanaheim's air on her bare skin, as she stood above her city and contemplated her future, how she would rule the people who slept below her, how she would build new buildings, or improve new ones. How she would one day be on this balcony with Loki, both of them naked as the day they were born, full of love and lust. Swallowing, Sigyn rubbed her thumb over her lower lip, eyes stinging with tears. Somewhere along the path of her life, she had stopped living and started existing, only really coming to life again when she was with Loki.
With a quick movement, Sigyn threw her legs over the balcony and sat on the cold stone legs dangling down above a huge drop. The only drop further than the one she currently hung above was the drop off the edge of the Bifrost into the void of space. As Sigyn stared down into it, pointing her feet and wiggling her toes, she found herself wondering something that she had never wanted to ask herself before.
When had her whole world become about Loki?
It was one thing to love Loki, love him completely and utterly as she did, but it was another for her every second though to come back to him.
What was Loki doing right now? Was he happy or in a huff? Had he fought with Thor again? Had he perfected that spell he had written to her about? Had he read her last letter? Why hadn't he replied yet? When would she see him again? Would he be in the mood for the same kind of sex as her?
Sigyn shook her head and pushed her fingers through her hair.
Years ago, to help her social skills, Sigyn had spent time with the children of the nobility, people her own age that were normal. At the time so many of the girls had been obsessed with husbands, men, flirtations and analysing everything about them to death. Sigyn had enjoyed it… for a few hours. It had been new, different, even fun for a while. But when it became the only topic every time she had lost interest, swearing she would never become that fixated on Loki.
And yet it had happened.
Sigyn knew why, she wasn't stupid. At some stage, probably as she had lost interest in her surroundings, Loki had become the only thing that made her happy anymore. He challenged her, he knew her better than anyone and still worshiped her, he expected things from her without being offended or disappointed if she failed. He respected her, he loved her, he filled her with passion, lust, joy and love every time he touched her, he was loyal to her in a way that was not expected of Asgardian men. Even when they fought, she just wanted to end the argument so they could go back to being happy. She never felt angry enough that she never wanted to see him again.
Well… there had been one time, but she had only felt it for a short while, and had spent five years regretting it.
The sun was rising far away, coming up over the plains of the city, the yellow light warming her skin, and Sigyn wondered what she should do now.
Should she just tell her parents that she would not marry anyone but Loki? Or should she be more subtle?
"Sigyn!"
Sigyn jumped as Svana Ein called her. She had been so engrossed in her own thoughts she had not heard anyone come in.
"Come off that balcony! What if you were to fall?"
Sigyn sighed, swinging off the balcony and walking over to her. Svana Ein regarded her nakedness with exasperation and shook her head,
"I see we're back to old habits."
"I see you've quite a cheek on you for someone who is meant to be my attendant and nothing more," snapped Sigyn in irritation. Much to her satisfaction Svana Ein looked startled for a split second before regaining her composure.
"Your mother sent word. Prince Berach is coming to court you today, and she wants you dressed appropriately."
"Does that mean you'll leave me naked, or covered up from neck to toe?" asked Sigyn irritably, while inside she was panicking. She needed more time to figure out what she was going to do.
Svana Þrír appeared in front of her, a white dress draped over her arms, "Nothing of the sort. This is the perfect dress to meet your husband to be."
Sigyn looked down at the dress and snorted, "I don't like that dress. I'll pick a different one."
"This is the dress you will wear today," said Svana Ein, waving a hand to direct the Ey to guide Sigyn to the bathing chamber. Sigyn glared at her.
"I don't like that dress, I want to wear something else," said Sigyn.
"Sigyn, do not argue. This is the dress you will wear," said Svana Ein.
The utter calm of her tone, the absolute certainty that she would be obeyed was intolerable. It was the same tone she had used on Sigyn when she wouldn't let her play hide and seek instead of sewing. It was the same tone when she told Sigyn to stay away from other children in case they ripped her dress.
"I won't wear it," said Sigyn, feeling her hands start to shake.
"You must, today is the day you wear white, and this is the dress that was prepared for you," said Svana Ein.
"I won't wear it!"
"Why are you acting like a child?" asked Svana Ein, resting her hands on her hips.
"Why are you treating me like one? I don't need you to pick my clothes, my food, when I eat, where I go, I am capable of making these decisions myself, but you never let me! You even have the others clean my backside like an infant!"
"Sigyn, that's enough, we don't have time for a tantrum." Svana Ein waved her hand at the Ey, "Bathe the princess and dress her, as proper."
The Ey hesitated, looking from the Svana to Sigyn, Ey Fyrstr starting to frown. Their hesitation gave Sigyn a chance to move,
"I won't do this anymore, I can't do this!" She turned away and grabbing her silk robe. She pulled it on and strode out of her bed chambers, her ears burning hot as she refused to look back. She would talk to her mother and father now, make her desires clear and show herself to be determined to get her way. They had to listen to her, they just had to. She would make them listen to her. How could she ever be a true queen, a monarch worthy of Vanaheim, if she was not even able to reason with her parents?
Sigyn would make Loki proud of her, she would make their marriage real, she would show him she was no coward, and spend the next year making him apologise for calling her that in every pleasurable way she could think of.
She owed it to him, to herself and to their marriage.
Quick reassurance, no the story is not over at all! But… yeah, that just happened. *hides*
Night's Darkness
