The Weight of Us
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Alexis had been staring at the sealed envelope in her hands for a long string of minutes. Her mind raced with the possibilities it held: both the future she'd always wanted and a completely divergent path. Achievement and loss. Anything was possible while the envelope was still sealed.
"You gonna stare at it all night, or do you plan on opening it?" Kevin asked from his place at the kitchen sink, where he was rinsing their dinner dishes before loading them into the dishwasher.
Alexis set the letter down on the table, face down, so that she saw the "X" of the seal rather than her own name in a bold, professional font or the return address of the Medical Board of New York. Her exam results came right on time—two days earlier. Alexis hadn't quite bring herself to open the letter, maybe still couldn't.
She grimaced. "If I don't open it, I haven't failed it yet."
"If you don't open it, you haven't passed it yet, either." He dried his hands on a towel and joined her at the table. "Do you want me to open it for you?"
She hugged the envelope possessively to her chest. "No."
His lips twitched, and she could tell he was trying very hard to not laugh. "Alright. But for just one minute, let's imagine you did pass. Crazy, I know—"
"You're making fun of me."
"—because it's not as if you're one of most brilliant women in Manhattan, and you definitely didn't spend nights, mornings, and weekends preparing for this test—"
"Kevin," she groaned.
"But just as a sort of… I don't know… philosophical discussion, let's assume you did pass. Don't you want to get your credentials submitted so you can start practicing again? That is what you want, isn't it?"
She bit her lip, then sighed. "Yes."
"Then isn't it worth opening that letter to find out?"
"Of course it is." She set the letter back down on the table. "And I know it is. Logically."
Kevin's fingers settled over hers, infusing her skin with his warmth. "You've worked so hard for this—"
"I know I have."
A crease appeared between his eyebrows. "So what's holding you back?"
Her eyes fell back down to the tabletop, and she stared at the grains in the wood for just a moment, considering her response. Deciding whether or not it was worth it to share all of her darkest thoughts out loud.
"Alexis."
She glanced up at him.
"Talk to me," he said softly.
"Do you ever look around at your life and start feeling superstitious?" she asked.
He shook his head. "I'm not sure what you're getting at."
"We're happy. Rosie's happy. Our family's happy. Somehow it seems like we've made this work, against all the odds."
A smile tugged at his lips. "Yeah, we have."
"And that's about the point when everything starts falling apart, isn't it?"
She was afraid to tell him the truth, the bring up all the less than happily ever afters they'd endured over the past years. But he took it in stride. "We're not going to fall apart."
"But—"
He shook his head. "Listen to me. We are not falling apart. Even if by some crazy chance you don't pass your boards. I will still be here. We will still have this life together for as long as you want it. Everything that happened before…" he sighed. "It's in the past. Our mistakes are in the past. And we've learned from them. We're moving forward, remember?"
"You don't ever worry about that past catching up to us again?"
"I worry about it every day," he said honestly. "And every day I use every ounce of pull I have at the Bureau to stay on top of any potential threats."
She frowned, unease simmering in her stomach. "How many…."
"None so far."
"For the last year?" she asked, referring to when he'd come back to New York.
He shook his head. "None since the night Rosie was born."
Alexis blinked. "I don't understand."
"When I went back, in the story was that you had died, and that I took out Sloane. From then on, I made sure that nobody would ever dare to get involved in my business. And as part of the deal, the Bureau kept tabs on you and your family and any potential dangers. You didn't want to go into WITSEC, remember? So I made sure to take all the danger I could back with me to Ireland. And I left it there when I was done. You and Rosie have been safe since I walked out of the hospital the day she was born."
"I had no idea."
"I've learned the hard way not to leave you unprotected. After everything." He grimaced, then shook his head. "So I understand your fears, but I'd hate to see you giving up a dream because you're afraid of losing it."
"And this is your dream?" she asked, looking around the apartment. "A desk job and domestic nights in?"
"You and Rosie are my dream." He smiled at her, and she returned the gesture. Then her eyes widened as realization struck.
"What is it?" he asked.
She stood up. "It's a little quiet, don't you think?"
Kevin looked confused at first, and then he was out of his seat in a second, following close behind her.
"Rosie?" Alexis called.
They rounded a corner and Alexis stopped in her tracks. Their toddler had found Alexis' makeup kit and was using her eyeshadow palette to color the wall. She'd also done her best to give herself a makeover. She looked up, her wide, innocent eyes caked with makeup. "Hi, mommy."
Behind her Alexis heard Kevin snort, and his hands wrapped around her waist as he smothered his laughter into the crook of her neck.
One of her hands covered his. "So this is your dream, huh?" she asked again.
She could hear the smile in his voice. "This is my dream."
She lifted his hand to her lips and brushed a kiss over his knuckles, then she eased herself out of his arms.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"To get my phone. We need to document this moment." She gave him a tentative smile. "And then I've got a letter to open."
By the time he'd been able to pull himself from work, the party was in full swing. Kevin took a seat at the bar and ordered himself a beer. Tension was easing its way out of his neck, and he rolled his shoulders back. Hours and hours in front of a computer each day were killing his posture.
"Make it two," a voice behind him said, and Castle took a seat at the bar next to him. "Some party, huh?" The writer asked.
"Last I checked, you never did anything halfway."
The Old Haunt had been reserved for the night for Javier's long-overdue bachelor party. Drinks and greasy bar food were in abundance, and Kevin was surprised to see so many faces he didn't know huddled around the tables or playing pool. The man of honor himself was playing a game of cards with a few men that Kevin recognized from the precinct a lifetime ago. Those individuals that he'd known before his past caught up with him tended to nod politely at him but would almost always keep their distance.
Kevin supposed that was the best he could hope for. You didn't go missing for years and then show up working with the FBI without drawing some suspicion. He wondered if Javi had ever told their former friends the truth. Would they have believed him? Kevin shook the thoughts away. They didn't matter, not in the big scheme of things anyway.
"Lanie's rules were simple: no strippers, and we need to make sure that Esposito doesn't come home hungover and smelling like a cigar shop," Castle explained.
Kevin glanced over at his friend, hoping that the "simple" rules wouldn't be too difficult to follow. "I'm happy this is finally happening for them. I remember… years ago, when Javier told me he proposed."
Castle nodded. "Things haven't been easy for them. I thought more than once that they wouldn't make it. I'm glad to see I was wrong."
Kevin smiled and took another pull from his beer.
"It seems like I'm wrong about a lot of things these days," Castle added.
"Like what?"
"I used to think you and Alexis weren't going to work thing out."
"Oh. Well, we're trying. It's… I wasn't sure we'd get to make things work, either." He cleared his throat, feeling heat rise in his cheeks over the word vomit that was spilling out of his mouth. He was still coming to terms with his new relationship with the writer. Kevin was not quite his friend, but Castle didn't seem to despise him anymore. And whether the author still hated him or not, Kevin was the father of his only grandchild was in a relationship with his oldest daughter. "But I'm glad we did."
"Funny how coming clean has a way of helping things work out."
Kevin nodded. "Yeah. I was long overdue. And honestly, I'll never be able to thank Alexis—and everyone else for that matter—enough for being so patient and forgiving while I've been pulling my head out of my ass."
Castle snorted. "Amen to that. You know what else I used to think?"
"What's that?"
"That'd I'd never forgive you for the last few years."
"Do you? Forgive me?"
"For the first time in a long time, I feel like I could try to."
Kevin blinked back emotion and took a look pull from his beer. "Thank you."
"So how long before we do this again for you and Alexis?" he asked. At Kevin's look he added, "Don't look so surprised. You two have that look about you…"
"I-I haven't asked permission," Kevin stammered, unnerved by the subject change and the fact that Castle of all people was speaking so plainly about it.
"I wasn't under the impression that Alexis requires permission to make her own decisions."
Kevin nodded at that, a faint smile slowly pulling at his lips. "Well, soon, I hope. I've been wanting to make things official for years now. Just like Javi." Kevin looked at Castle, still unnerved, but feeling like he might as well test his luck. "Would you give me permission if I asked for it?"
"It's not up to me. But I know you'll make her happy. It seems like you've finally got things figured out. Took you long enough, by the way."
It wasn't a yes, but it wasn't a no, either. Kevin took a breath and nodded. "Good to know."
Javier approached the two of them, slapping Kevin on the back, his cheeks just a little rosy from the abundance of alcohol. "Why are you two holed up over here away from everyone else? It's a party. You should be celebrating!" He caught the bartender's attention. "Another round for my friends!"
Kevin caught the writer's eye, trying hard to conceal his smirk. Castle was hiding his grin in the mug of beer. Following Lanie's rules might be a little more difficult than they'd thought.
"It was a beautiful wedding," Alexis said, her arms full of pictures of the happy couple.
It had been a beautiful wedding day. Everything had gone off without a hitch. The wedding venue had been gorgeous and well-decorated. Lanie had been a vision in champagne lace, and Javier had looked more than a little dapper in his suit. In his own much smaller suit, Aaron had looked like Javier's double in miniature.
The ceremony was short but heartfelt, and Alexis smiled at Kevin from across the altar, a strange sense of clairvoyance that they'd see another wedding ceremony soon, and not as a bridesmaid and groomsman.
"Lanie looked gorgeous, and so did Rosie. All that tulle!" Kate laughed as they loaded pictures and other decorations from the ceremony into the car.
"And we only had to pull her and Aaron apart about four times," Alexis laughed, remembering the way Rosie had chased him down the aisle, her flower petals flying in her wake.
"She's a spitfire. That's for sure. You're going to have your hands full till she's thirty."
Alexis laughed. "I think we have that in common, seeing as how Johanna's a little mini version of Dad."
"You think you two will have some good news for everyone soon? A wedding? A baby?"
Alexis blushed. "I don't think we're quite ready for another baby just yet."
"You think Kevin will pop the question soon?" Kate asked, noting her omission.
"If I don't get to it first." She closed the trunk and turned to her stepmother. "What about you? Have you convinced Dad that Johanna needs a sibling?"
Kate's smile softened, and Alexis gasped. "No. You're pregnant? Wait, you can't be pregnant. I saw you drinking champagne at the wedding."
"We've been trying for the last few months, and nothing really seemed to be coming of it. And then the doctor told us that it's not likely at my age."
"Oh, Kate. I'm so sorry."
Her stepmother shrugged, seemingly at peace with the news. "There's more than one way to be a parent. We're going to adopt. We're taking classes now, actually." She nudged Alexis' shoulder. "Maybe you and Johanna will be getting a new sibling for Christmas, huh?"
Alexis leaned her head on Kate's shoulder. "I'd love that."
Amidst the Esposito-Parrish wedding, Rosie's second birthday, Thanksgiving, and Alexis' job applications and interviews, the holiday season had arrived all too quickly. Already, Christmas Eve was winding down. Tomorrow they'd go to the loft for what would undoubtedly prove to be an ostentatious Christmas morning, but for now it was just Kevin, Alexis, and Rosie around the tree.
Brigid had joined then for dinner, and to watch Rosie open her presents, but now things were quiet. And now Alexis was determined to make their family as real and official a unit as they could be. She was done waiting.
"There's one gift left for you," Alexis said to Kevin with a smile, her heart racing in her chest. She hoped her nerves weren't showing on her face.
She picked it up and handed it to Kevin, watching his eyes pause on the small, neatly wrapped box. "Well, it's not socks," he said. She couldn't quite read his face, and she clenched her fingers tight to hide their shaking.
What if he said no? What if there was a reason he hadn't proposed yet, despite all the time they spent talking about it?
He set the gift to the side. "You know what? I think there's one more you need to open first. It's your turn, anyway." Before Alexis could protest, he turned to their daughter. "Rosie, can you give mommy her gift, please?" He gestured to a much large box under the tree. Alexis felt just the slightest twinge of dismay. It didn't look the right size for what she really wanted.
The toddler clambered over to her mother, her arms fulls with the gift. "Here go, mommy."
Somewhat impatiently, Alexis tugged the wrapping off, and opened the box, which revealed a smaller box, and then a smaller box within that, and another and another, until a box she recognized sat still in her hand. "Oh." Her heartbeat took on a new cadence, and she felt tears prick at her eyes. She took a deep breath before pushing upward on the lid, eager and nervous at the same time to see the engagement ring for the very first time.
The box was empty. Alexis looked up, an indignant question on her tongue, and Kevin kneeled down in front of her.
His hands were shaking, and her eyes caught on the emerald-cut ring nestled between his fingers before skipping up to his face. His blue eyes were bright with tears, and his voice was hoarse when he finally brought himself to speak. "You don't know how long I've been dreaming of this day, and how long I've been afraid I'd never get to ask you… Alexis Harper Castle, you're all I want, all I need. You're my dream come true. Will you marry me?"
As soon as the question slipped off his lips, she was in his arms. "It's about time." She kissed him, happy tears streaming down her face. "Of course I'll marry you."
"Why you crying?" Rosie asked, interrupting their moment with the clumsy, tender hug that only toddlers know how to give.
"I'm happy, sweetheart," Alexis answered, hugging her back. "Your daddy and I are getting married. Do you want to wear a pretty dress again?"
Rosie patted her mother's cheek and shook her head. "No, thank you," she said politely, just like her parents had taught her.
Kevin snorted. A few happy tears had escaped his eyes as well. "We'll work on her," he promised Alexis.
"Well, you have one more gift," Alexis said, picking up the present he'd set aside earlier. "It seems redundant now."
Kevin opened his gift, revealing a slim, silver ring with a Celtic weave engraved on the inside of the band. "Miss Castle, are you trying to proposition me?"
She rolled her eyes. "Just put it on."
He leaned forward and brushed his lips over hers. "Yes, I'll marry, you too."
Author's Note: Thanks so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it! Please review!
