There was a carnival near town, so Emma asked Jay if he wanted to go with her. They walked around, with Lizzy secured tightly in her arms. Emma had gone on a couple rides with Lizzy, but Jay wouldn't. His head was clouded. All he could think about was several days back when he had told Emma he loved her. Now, Jay realized he didn't really know what love was. Although he thought he loved Emma, all Jay could think about was what a big responsibility that was. She has a kid. Jay looked over at Lizzy and Emma. They were now getting some cotton candy. Emma is an excellent mother, but could Jay be an excellent father, and to a kid that wasn't even his?
The whole time he walked around the carnival, with Emma and Lizzy, he heard people talking. Some saying how cute they were, some assuming they were married, others saying how stupid they were for having a kid so young. The people talking didn't bother him, well it did, but only because he wanted to tell them to shut the hell up. What bothered him was that Jay didn't know if he could do this. Every time Jay looked over at Emma, he instantly had a small smile on his face, but that didn't last. Seeing Emma and Lizzy together scared him. Sure, he was getting his life together. He graduated, he had a pretty steady job, and was on his own two feet, but could he take care of a kid?
"What's wrong?" Emma asked as she walked back over to him. They sat down on a bench a little ways away from the crowd.
"Nothing," Jay told her, shaking his head a bit. Emma ripped off a little piece of cotton candy to give to Lizzy, who was smiling happily.
"You're lying." She replied. Jay looked over at her. Emma wasn't even looking at him and she knew he was lying.
"I've just been thinking," Jay said. Emma looked over at him, tilting her head to the side slightly, but once Lizzy reached for the cotton candy, Emma's attention was turned back to her daughter.
"What about?" She asked. Jay knew that Emma could stay focused on him, especially while Lizzy was in her 'I'm going to grab everything and anything I can reach' stage, but it kind of bothered him.
"This," He answered, his voice was a little on the quiet side. That one, four lettered word instantly got Emma's attention.
"This… you mean… us?" She questioned, her voice was softer. Trying to keep her eyes on him, to read him, Emma couldn't do it. Lizzy reached the cotton candy, pulling a handful off.
"Yeah," Jay nodded slightly, "It's… a lot… with Lizzy and all… a big… responsibility." He didn't know how his words were affecting Emma, he couldn't look at her.
"Oh," Emma paused taking a break, "Are you saying you don't want… to… be here… in this… relationship?" She ripped the handful of cotton candy into smaller pieces for Lizzy to eat.
"I just… don't think… I can handle it." Jay said honestly. He looked at Emma as she looked up at him.
"You can't handle being my boyfriend." She didn't know whether it was a question or a statement, "Well then, I guess… you should do… whatever's best for you."
"Em, I just… a kid… I…" Jay couldn't complete a sentence. Looking at her, his voice softened, "I'm sorry." With that said Jay got up and walked away from them.
"Jay," Lizzy questioned, watching him leave. Jay didn't turn around; instead, he leaned against the side of the building, out of Emma's sight, but still able to hear them talking.
"He has to leave sweetie," Emma told Lizzy, trying to keep her voice normal. Lizzy looked up at her confused.
"Jay dad," Lizzy said, causing tears to well up in Emma's eyes. Sucking them back, Emma shook her head gently.
"Sweetie, I know you're too young to understand this, but Jay is not your father, and he's not ready to be your daddy." Emma ran her hand through Lizzy's hair. She could tell Lizzy was going to start crying. "It's okay though sweetie. You have mommy, grandma, grandpa, Uncle Jack, Aunt Lexi, and Aunt Manny, and we all love you so very much." Emma hugged her daughter, trying hard not to cry. "Let's head home, we can watch Peter Pan."
Emma kept herself busy, she had to keep herself busy, otherwise she felt like she would breakdown. She hadn't talked to in days, maybe even weeks, Emma didn't know, she had lost track. Apparently, Jay hadn't said anything to anyone, because Alex didn't question her once. However, Emma never really gave Lexi the option. Usual, Emma worked shifts that were different from the people she lived with so someone would be home with Lizzy, but now Emma made sure she was always at work. If Emma wasn't working, she was spending the day with Lizzy and Jack, out somewhere or another. They went for walks, to various parks, to carnivals, to zoos, shopping for toys, anything and everything. When Emma wasn't working, or out with the kids, she was cleaning the house, sprucing up the outside, grocery shopping, and running errands for her mom.
Her mind needed to stay busy, so Emma made sure she was always busy. There as no way she was going to fall apart. Sure, her life had been good, but now Emma was Jay-less. It felt weird. It was an understatement to say she was upset, Emma was more than upset, she was pissed. The more she thought back to that day at the funeral, the madder she became, but whenever those thoughts lingered in her mind, Emma took on a new project. She had redone the basement, fixed up Lizzy's side, rearranged her stuff, and fixed Alex's side. Jack, being almost six, was due for some 'big boy' things, which Emma offered to do, so no matter what, Emma was occupied.
"Em?" Alex called out. She had just come in from work and had great news, which she couldn't wait to share with one of her best friends.
"Down here Lexi," Emma's voice came from the basement, so Alex walked down the stairs. The room looked different, spotless.
"Whoa, you could probably eat off the floor," Alex remarked. She dropped her bag by her bed and sat down, "Guess what?"
"What?" Emma asked, her ears perking up just a bit. She could hear the excitement in Alex's voice, and Alex didn't get excited very often.
"I found a really great place," She told Emma. Instantly, Emma stopped what she was doing and looked up at her friend.
"What?" She repeated, hoping that she had heard Alex wrong. She knew she didn't, she could tell by the look on Alex's face.
"I found this really great apartment, that I can afford, and it's close to U of T." Alex said to her, and continued to ramble on about how great it was that she had found a place to live.
"But you already have a place to live," Emma told her. Alex donned a confused look, wondering why this was bothering Emma so much.
"Em, I can't live in your parents' house for the rest of my life." Alex replied, watching as Emma took a step back and shook her head.
"No, I know that, but you don't have to leave." Emma took another step back. Alex could tell that she was upset, but didn't understand why.
"Em, I'm finally doing something. I have a job, and I'm going to be going to college. My life is finally on track, you should be happy for me." Alex said to her, now getting upset. Emma is just being selfish.
"I can't believe your leaving me too," Emma shook her head again and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door closed.
Alex looked at the closed bathroom door. Even though Emma had almost mumbled 'I can't believe your leaving me too', Alex had heard her. She got off her bed, walking towards the bathroom. Knocking lightly, Alex spoke.
"Em, what did you mean?" She asked softly, not wanting to upset Emma anymore than she already was. She could hear Emma get up and open the bathroom door.
"Jay and I broke up," She said softly as she sat back down on the floor. Her back was against the tub, and she brought her knees into her chest.
"What? Why?" Alex queried, sitting down next to Emma. Folding her arms, Emma rested them on her knees. Placing her chin on top of her arm, Emma looked straight ahead.
"He just said he couldn't handle it. It's too much." Emma shook her head, "I told him to do what was best for him, and he got up and walked away."
"I'm going to beat the crap out of him." Alex said aloud, although not speaking to Emma. Picking her head up, Emma looked at Alex.
"You don't need to do that." She paused to make sure her voice was steady. "I'm fine. I mean, he lied to me, but I'm fine."
"What'd he lie about? Did he cheat on you? I swear I will beat him." Alex was already clenching her fist.
"No, no, he didn't cheat on me." She took a deep breath, determined not to cry over this. "I told him I loved him… he said it back… a few days later… we broke up… so he lied… he doesn't love me." Emma shrugged, "It's better I know now than later." She stood up, "I better go check on Lizzy and Jack."
Alex watched as Emma left the bedroom and headed upstairs. She couldn't believe it. Jay had really broken up with her. What the hell was wrong with him? Alex stood up, ready to go give Jay a piece of her mind. Why would he say he loved her and then break up with her? Alex shook her head. She knew Emma made it sound like it was mutual, and that Emma was fine, but Alex wasn't going to believe it.
Upstairs, Emma had gone to check on the kids. They were in the living room. Jack was trying to read to Lizzy, doing the best he could. Smiling, Emma sat on the couch, watching them play with each other. There was a knock on the door, but Emma didn't even get a chance to get up before it opened.
"Em, it's me." Manny called out. She closed the door behind her and found Emma in the living room. Taking a seat beside her best friend, Manny smiled.
"You look happy." Emma said to her, noticing Manny's big grin. Manny nodded her head up and down, the grin never leaving her face.
"I auditioned for a movie!" She squealed. "It took forever, and I had to wait hours, but it was well worth it. I got the part!" Manny squealed again, excitement pouring out of her.
"That's great Manny" Emma hugged her best friend. She was excited for her, even though she was in a pretty crappy mood. Alex and Manny both had great things happen for them today, and Emma got the short end of the stick, but she wasn't going to complain. They deserved happiness, even more so than Emma did.
"Jay!" Alex yelled as soon as she step foot in the garage. The workers immediately looked up, one of them hitting their head on the open hood of a car. She scanned their faces looking for the guy she came to yell at.
"What?" Jay asked, not even bothering to look up from what he was doing. Alex found his way to him and folded her arms across her chest.
"What the hell is the matter with you? Alex smacked him upside the head and then folded her arms back over her chest.
"Ow, Lexi what was that for?" Jay rubbed the back of his head before going back to work. Alex wanted to hit him again, but this time not upside the head.
"That was because you're an ass." Alex told him. Jay gave her a confused look, but kept on working. If he continued to ignore her, Alex was definitely going to hit him again.
"Lexi, I'm working here." He replied, oblivious to the importance of the situation. He was too busy trying to keep his mind busy.
"I don't care. I cannot believe you!" Alex raised her voice slightly. "How can you tell her you love her and then walk away from her?"
Jay groaned, "I do not want to talk about this Lexi." Jay warned and went on working away at the car. Alex slammed her hand down on the car.
"I don't care what you want. I want to know what the hell you were thinking!" Alex's voice continued to get louder, and now everyone in the garage was looking at him.
"Alex, I will not talk about this here." He warned again, trying to remain calm. There was no way he could explode at his job; Jay couldn't afford to get fired.
"Just tell me what you were thinking. Why would you do that to her?" Alex's voice softened, causing Jay to sigh.
"Lexi, I can't be that guy," He shook his head, "It just isn't me." Jay went back to working on the car, only making Alex angry again.
"She never asked you for anything." Alex reminded him, "She never once asked you to play a role with Lizzy. You left because you're a big freaking baby!"
"Lexi, my patience level is nonexistent." He warned. "I know I left because I don't think I can handle it. Seeing Lizzy cry, watching Emma take care of her, that is a huge responsibility, and the kid isn't even mine."
"You… you really… don't love her…" Alex shook her head and took a step back. Even she thought this was low.
"Don't you dare say that." Jay growled, glaring at Alex. "Don't ever question my feelings for her. I like Emma, a lot. If it's love… I'm not sure."
"You're being an idiot." Alex told him. "She thinks you don't love her, that you just lied. You are hurting her… I hope you're happy."
"Emma, are you sure?" Alex asked as she picked up a box. Emma had spent the morning with her packing up the little that Alex owned.
"Lexi, yes, I am sure," Emma emphasized her words, "It's great that you are doing so well." Emma told her.
"Yeah, but I don't have to leave, I can wait, if you need me," Alex replied, watching Emma closely. Emma appreciated her concern, but didn't want to tell her that she was fine, yet again.
"Someone could have snatched the apartment from you," Emma stopped moving around and looked at Alex, "Besides, you are only like a fifteen minute drive. I can come bother you whenever I want." That got a small laugh out of Alex, and the two went back to packing. They loaded up Alex's car. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"
Alex looked at the orange Honda civic that was coming down the block, "Yup, I'm sure." Alex stated, putting the key into the ignition.
"Alex," Emma half squealed. She watched Jay park the car and slowly get out. Turning to Alex, Emma made a help me gesture.
Mouthing the words 'talk to him', Alex started her car, "I'll see you later." She called out and began pulling away, but not before she beeped her horn at Jay.
Jay gave her a sarcastic smile and then watched her car go off down the street. Now, it was just Emma and Jay. They stood there, semi-awkwardly. Emma decided she would be the bigger person.
"You can come in if you want," She said over her shoulder as she walked back into her house. Slowly, Jay followed her in, closing the door behind him.
"I have some cleaning to do," Emma let Jay know, and walked down to her room. Once again, Jay followed. Emma began cleaning up her room, moving Lizzy's stuff around since Alex was no longer down there. She was growing impatient, wondering why Jay came here at all.
"Let me help you," Jay managed to say. He grabbed one end of Lizzy's dresser, and helped Emma move it against the wall.
"Thanks," Emma replied politely and turned her back to him. Taking a deep breath, Emma went back to cleaning.
"I um, I'm sorry," Jay told her. Emma turned around, looking at him intently. "I… miss… you…" Jay's voice had softened.
"What do you want me to say Jay?" Emma asked, but not looking him in the eye. She knew once she saw those piercing blue eyes that she would cave in.
"I don't know," Jay shrugged, "Maybe that you miss me too." He suggested, a small smirk evident on his lips.
"Of course I miss you," Emma replied, "But, you were right, having Lizzy is a big responsibility. I never asked anything from you when it came to her, but I can't have you running in and out of my life. I need to be stable for her, and she's confused about you enough as it is."
"I'm being honest with you," Jay paused, "It scares me… to be looked at as her father, because I could be horrible at it… but being without you… and Lizzy… was way worse."
Emma smiled softly, "Jay…" She looked at him, realizing he was waiting on her next words, "You have to promise me you won't flake out on me again." She was now standing right in front of him.
"I won't," Jay put his hands on her hips, bringing her closer to him, "Promise." He breathed before putting his lips on hers. Emma hugged him close to her as they kissed. It had felt like ages since they last had a chance to do this.
The banging of the front door had made them pull away. Jay walked behind Emma and they headed up the stairs. Spike and Snake were back with Jack and Lizzy. Smiling, Elizabeth waddled over to Emma, extending her arms. Emma picked her up, kissing her forehead.
"Hey sweetie, look who's here," Emma motioned to Jay. Lizzy just looked at him. She was confused, happy, and sad all at the same time, which is a lot of emotions for a one year old. "Say hi," Emma urged.
"Hi…" Lizzy replied shyly. She just stared up at him, wondering what name she was allowed to call him. Emma looked between Lizzy and Jay with worry.
"Come here kiddo," Jay took Lizzy from Emma's arms, "How would you like to call me dad?" He asked her. She looked at him.
"Daddy," Lizzy repeated. Jay nodded, causing Lizzy and Emma to smile. She put her arm around his waist, and reached up to kiss his cheek. Perfect.
