For Hihowareyou
"Apparently Justin Bieber has a pet llama," Alli remarked as she surfed the internet.
"And Selena's jealous because he spends more time bathing it than he does on dates with her," I agreed.
Alli and I were in her room surfing the internet gossip sites. Her parents and little brother were away, and Cody had decided to take a shower. We liked to look at gossip sites because the stories usually made us laugh.
They were usually so far from the truth.
Usually.
"What other rubbish is on this site?" Alli asked, rapidly scrolling up and down. "Oh Marie, look, it's your picture."
"Where?" I asked, suddenly. "Alli, where?"
Had they found out about Cody and I, secretly dating for the past year? Or maybe…My other secret? But they couldn't have figured out the latter…I kept it too well hidden.
Alli double clicked on the page with my face on it and the link came up.
Singer Marie-Problems with depression and self harm. Heading down the wrong road?
The headline made my heart plummet and I felt chills running down my entire body. This wasn't good.
"Wow," Alli said, just as the door opened and Cody came in, his damp hair freshly combed. "It says here that you've been seen with scars on your wrists and someone caught you cutting in a public bathroom."
"Who?" Cody asked, walking over to where I was sitting and pulling me into his arms.
"Marie," Alli said and then she started to laugh. "As if. Marie's way too happy to be an emo…"
"Why would someone say that about my Skittles?" Cody asked, sing his special nickname for me.
"Just trying to find a story, I suppose," Alli said, laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face. "Gosh…I hope lies like this don't make you want to cut some more."
"Cutting's not funny," I said softly, pulling my knees up to my chest and staring at the ground.
"Of course not," Cody agreed, also laughing. "Nothing's funny to an emo."
"Seriously, stop!" I got up off of his lap and went out into the hallway, where I sank down against the wall. A moment later Cody came out after me.
"Skittles, nobody's going to believe a rumor like that. Anyone who knows you knows you aren't a cutter, and that site only prints lies. Seriously, everything's going to be fine."
"No it's not, Cody," I said, tired of having this secret kept inside of me. Tears flooded into my eyes and made the carpet in the hallway waver beneath my vision.
"No one's going to think it's true," he leaned down to touch my shoulder reassuringly, and a tear dripped off my nose and into my lap.
"But Cody…It is true. L-look."
I pulled back the sleeves on my sweatshirt and showed him the scars on my wrists. Mostly faded, but you could still see the most recent ones. I wouldn't look at him ad I kept my tear filled eyes level with the floor.
Cody said nothing but I felt myself being lifted off the ground. He brought me to his room, closed the door with his hip, and locked it. Then he put me on his bed.
"Please explain yourself."
His voice was deathly quiet, but I knew he wasn't happy.
"C-Cody," I started and my voice broke. I looked up into his eyes and saw the pain that was there. I tried to speak again but couldn't. I longed for a knife, cool and sharp in my palm, just for a quick cut, one to regain control.
I reached into my boot with shaking fingers to retrieve the one I kept with me just in case of emergencies like this one.
The tears started to flaw fast and furious as I brought the blade to my arm.
"No!"
Cody tackled me down on to his bed and wrenched the knife from my grasp, just as I started to cut.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He asked.
"I'm sorry," I wept. "I'm sorry, Cody…You shouldn't have found out this way…"
Cody stood up, still gripping the knife in his fist so hard his knuckles had turned white.
"This is all my fault," he whispered, clenching the knife even harder. "All my fault. I should've been a better boyfriend, should've kept a better eye on you. I should have seen the signs earlier that you were hurting. I shouldn't have let you resort to…Resort to this."
Cody hit the bedpost hard with his fist and then stayed, his back to me shaking.
"Cody, I'm sorry," I said, weakly once more. It was one thing to cause myself physical pain but to cause him emotional pain was almost too much to bear.
I felt the urge again and debated taking the knife from his hands.
But no…That's what caused this. Me, taking my anger out on my body I should have realized sooner that this would hurt him. He loved me, and for me to hurt myself would bring him pain also.
"You should be sorry," he said whirling around and coming back to me. He sat down with me. "You should have talked to me about this a long time ago. We could have overcome it together. You're not ever alone…"
"I know that," I said hoarsely. "Cody, "I'm really sorry."
"Stop saying that," he murmured, putting his arms around me and pulling me close. He stroked my curly brown hair and I laid my head on his chest, allowing myself to sink into him. It felt so good now that he knew. "Please. It's my fault too. Show me the scars again?"
"No," I said, pulling my sleeves down further and pulling away from him. "No, Cody, you shouldn't have to see-"
"I need to," he said, and the burning intensity in his eyes was what made me allow him to take my arm. He pushed my sleeves up and stared down at my fading cuts.
"What was this one for?" He pointed to the deepest and most recent one. It hadn't fully healed yet.
"When we broke up two and a half months ago, before we got back together," I replied softly. He turned pale.
"And this one?"
"When Alli told me that you were cheating on me with Kylie Jenner to get back at me for spending too much time with you."
He ran his fingers along each of the scars and asked me the story about each one.
"This one?"
"From the Breaking Dawn Premiere," I said. "You told me you were going back on tour."
That had been the one in the bathroom that the witness from the article had seen. I remembered her face vaguely. She had opened the door and saw me with the knife, but I just bustled past her quickly despite her stammered apologies. She had only been about twenty, so I should've known she'd recognize me.
Cody's face had turned deathly pale, almost a grayish color. He looked forlorn and lost, but also disgusted with himself.
"This was my fault," he said hoarsely, gripping my arm a little too tightly. "All my fault. It was me that did this to you."
"Cody stop," I tried to pull my hand back but he was holding it too tightly. "Seriously, it was my fault. I don't know why I did it, but it wasn't because of you. Stress made me…Not myself and I just…Could you let go of my hand? You're hurting me."
The blood was draining from my fingertips as my hand started to go numb. He let go quickly, not realizing that he had been holding on so tightly.
"But if you weren't so upset by me-"
"Stop," I said again, more firmly. He sighed, and then pressed his lips to mine for a moment.
"The last cut was two and a half months ago?"
I nodded. "Besides today, I've been doing so much better."
"Skittles, do you see this?" Coy asked, pointedly picking up my knife. I nodded, "You'll never, ever, ever need this again. Ever."
"Okay," I said a little dubiously. He threw my knife into the trash bin by his desk. Then he came back over and collected me in his arms once more.
"Will you promise me something?"
"What is it?" I asked, staring down at my hands.
"Promise me you'll never take a knife to yourself for any reason ever again."
I swallowed and looked up into his face. Could I break this bad habit? For him?
"I don't know if I can do that, Cody," I admitted, and he pulled me closer.
"Baby, please…For me?"
I looked into his aqua hazel eyes and I saw how much he wanted me to say that I wouldn't hurt myself again. He wanted me-needed me to say the words that were nearly impossible to say.
But I said it anyways.
"I promise."
Note: How'd you guys like it? I'm not exactly the best at doing angst and I realize I'm not very good at it, but I hope it's okay. Please review! And if you haven't taken my poll yet, it's the last day for it, so that'd be great. 143!
Hihowareyou: Did you like it? Thanks for everything! 143!
SydneyCrush: I'm really sorry but I hope you don't mind me doing Marie's oneshot before I do yours. She wanted in for her birthday, but I usually do it in the order the reviews come. I'll do your right after though! Sorry for the inconvenience, and thanks. 143!
Breanna :Could I have a bit more information on the event? Thanks! 143!
Next up is Marie, then SydneyCrush, then SoupGirl97. Then Breanna and then Tash…Sort of booked up right now!
