Summary:

They like to believe that their eyes are diamonds; hard, precious, birthed through generations of pressure. They're wrong. Their eyes are glass; brittle, fragile, created from common sand through seconds of intense heat. Glass breaks, glass cuts, glass shows reflections that they don't want to acknowledge. Reflections of others... and reflections of themselves. [AU] [Hinted SasuHina] [Non-Chronological Linked Drabbles]

General Disclaimer For The Entire Story:

I don't own Naruto. If I did, I'd have drawn out a very helpfully annotated map of where everything is in Konoha. If there are little-used canon!characters, there should be little-mentioned canon!places, so fanfiction authors can use those like they elaborate on the L-UCC. The cover picture isn't mine, either.


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(chakra trick anecdotes)

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[Age -?-]

Rankings for jutsus are pretty basic.

The 'unranked' ones, however, as in below-E-Rank, are mostly labeled as 'chakra tricks'.

'Tricks' are the jutsus that are so simple, so easy, so mundane and unlikely to cause any harm, that they don't even qualify for 'actual' jutsu status.

They don't even require you to have the element affinity.

(Unless you have ridiculous reserves and terrible control and overload them with the equivalent of an A-rank jutsu's chakra demand, in which case anything is likely to be a dangerous jutsu.)

They are the ones used everyday, sometimes even without conscious thought.

A decent ninja will learn their fair share of chakra tricks, and probably create a fair few of them themselves.

If they live long enough to have students, they may or may not pass them down.

Many chakra tricks are lost to the grasp of Time and Death, because ninjas as a whole aren't too keen on having tangible information where it might be stolen, thus keeping most jutsus and tricks either verbally passed down or compiled into heavily-sealed secret hidden notes.

It is widely believed, however, that each Konohagakure Clan has a scroll of their own that they guard in their private libraries, having their members record their chakra tricks for the next generation to learn and improve and build upon, whereupon they will then record their chakra tricks.

That particular rumor is generally accepted as fact, because even if all Clan-ninja keep mum on the subject when asked, they all seem to be a bit too prepared when it came to their reservoir of chakra tricks.


Some of the more well-known chakra tricks:

-lighting a cigarette/pipe/cigar/smoking device with a finger-snap (fire)

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"Asuma, must you begin smoking those cigarettes? Your mother's going to have my hide."

"Well, then, get off my back old man and let Kaa-san tan yours! This is what happens when the parental figure sets a bad example."

"Young man…"

"Old man…"

"*sigh*. I may as well show you this trick, then. No need to have your mother scolding my ear off again for you burning your fingers. Watch closely. Channel a thin stream of chakra and concentrate it into your index finger, then-"

Shnap!

"-like that."

"Like this?"

Shhhhhhsizzle.

"Pfft!"

"Sh-Shut up old man! I-I'll get it down, just watch me!"

"Whatever you say…"

[-three days later-]

"Hokage-sama? Er, your son is missing, and has left a letter for you. It says, 'I'm going to be a Guardian. Or a monk. Whichever lets me smoke more and properly appreciates my awesome fire-snapping skillz.' What are your orders, Hokage-sama?"

"*sigh*. *bangs head onto desk*. Damned teenagers and their teenaged rebellions. Okay, my orders are that one of you purchase the biggest floral bouquet you can find in Konoha, and one of you get a calligrapher to write a placating note. Hopefully Biwako won't kill me too badly if the flowers are expensive enough."

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-sparking dead electrical wiring temporarily (lightning)

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"Did the display-screen short out again?"

"Yeah. The hunk of trash isn't going to last another Chuunin Exam."

"It'll have to. Council refuses to up our funds."

"Damned senile cheapskates. Alright, alright, I'll restart the wires, see if that works. Don't come blaming me when it starts glitching at the next Chuunin Exam."

"Hey, isn't that fox kid supposed to take the next Exam?"

"Maybe; it's around the right range for the peacetime graduating rules, and Konoha does tend to send in rookie teams for the experience. But then, so's basically every heir to every Clan in Konoha, so don't you go getting any ideas in that head of yours."

"Won't stop me from staking a few bets."

"Against, right?"

"Nah, for."

"What? Why?"

"Haven't you seen the Hyuuga girl and the Uchiha boy hanging around him recently? He's bound to have picked up a few tricks. Seems to be the girl's pet project. Plus, he's under Hatake Kakashi's tutelage. Copy-nin Kakashi."

"Well, the odds mean you'd make a killing if you bet in favor of him…"

Zzzzzrip!

"There, that should fix it. It should last through the next few years, anyway."

"... argh! Stupid wire nicked me. I need some rubber tape over here, stat."

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-lightening muscles for increased reflexive action and speed (yang)

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"ANBU Wolf, this is ANBU Eagle, we've got a Code Ghost. Requesting back-up. Over."

"ANBU Eagle, this is ANBU Wolf, I've received your message. Coming in ETA 30 seconds. Have you detected them? Over."

"No, they've got some fancy cloaking tech going up. Eel hasn't a clue, either. Damnit, if Mole hadn't been out, they could've used their sensor pinging thing. Over."

"Too late for regrets, soldier. Hold 'em off, I'm almost there. Over."

Hatake Sakumo grit his teeth and willed his bulk to lighten, to speed up, to get him there before it was too late.

Code Ghost is one of the nastier situations, involving double-crossing and leaks and unknown intelligence.

A massive fuck-up, in other words.

Fasterfasterfaster.

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-upping the internal heat generated to stay warm on cold nights/days (yang/fire*)

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"Suna gets cold at night. So does the desert. Many times you will be camping in the desert on the way to or from a mission, in all likeliness. Therefore, in the interest of not having to spend more money to train up replacements for excessively lost Genin, we'll be covering a basic body-warming trick today."

The Sunagakure Academy students silently began writing down the information on the board, taking notes from the teacher's lecture.

"Circulating your internal chakra is simple enough, and thus the preferred method of increasing or maintaining one's body temperature is to add your chakra into your bloodstream and circulate that at a faster pace. Those with a fire affinity, which is not common here, but has to be covered anyway, can convert minute amounts of their internal chakra into fire-aligned chakra to 'heat up', although too much will induce feverish symptoms and overheat the user."

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-lessening sweat production to keep heat inside for the above scenario (yang, unconscious)

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Snow Country.

Oh, how Sakura hated it.

Kakashi was fine, of course; he'd probably taken a few missions there in his ANBU days, and was thus more or less prepared for the chilly climate.

Sasuke was probably staying warm by the power of his icy heart and his Firey Brooding Skillz.

And Naruto…

She was still debating whether or not he was keeping healthy by way of a heating seal, or by his annoyingly sunny attitude.

If he was staying warm with one of his special seals, maybe he could make another one for her?

Sighing, Sakura huddled deeper into her bulky parka, and was at least grateful that the civilian tales of having your sweat freeze onto your face weren't coming true.

"Stop lagging behind there, Pinky! Follow Sassy-chan and Narky-chan's fine examples! Do I need to sign you up for lessons with Gai when we get back to Konoha so you can stoke your Flames of Youth to keep you going?"

She rather wished that Kakashi's face would freeze off, though, if only to stop his [very unencouraging] encouraging yells.

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-sparking a campfire (fire/lightning*)

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"No, Sassy-chan, you do not use a jutsu like the Goukakyuu on a measly three-branch campfire, not unless you want to roast the kindling to ashes and eat cold ration tonight instead of soup stock and whatever Sakura and Naruto can find."

"Hn."

"Watch this, Sassy-chan; I will dumb it down for you, since apparently you are not capable of making coherent words. Don't worry. I'm fairly certain that it's equally the incompetency of the Academy at fault."

Snap!

Szz...

Fwooosh!

Naruto, with an armful of leafy herbs and a fistful of roots, returned to the sight of Sasuke glaring at a merrily crackling fire.

"Fire looks good, teme."

Sasuke glared harder into the flames, confusing Naruto.

The blond mentally marked it down as just another inexplicable quirk, like his irrational love for tomatoes and hatred for ramen.

(Naruto never considered the fact that Sasuke's irrational hatred for ramen may have started when he ambushed him one day during the Academy lunchtime and shoved a bowl of searing broth into his face, scalding his skin bright red and salty.

It also didn't help matters when nary a minute later, Hinata walked around the corner, and stopped upon seeing him, a clearly amused tilt to her lips.

Put that way, it's not really irrational at all.

... just try explaining any dislike of 'the holy purity that is ramen' to Naruto...)

Then Sakura walked into their campsite, grasping a dead rabbit by it's ears, and complimented, "Nice fire, Sasuke-kun."

She was more flustered and apologetic than confused when he broke his intense stare-off to give her a glare instead.

Off to the side, Kakashi giggled behind his omnipresent book.

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-distracting visual effect (any)

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"Oy! Five-year-old pint-sized brats! Listen up!"

No one listened; at least, not enough children stopped running around for there to be a discernible difference seen in the rumbling pit of chaos that was the 'Welcome Room' for the Year 1 first-of-schoolers.

Suzume growled, and clapped her hands above her head.

Now everyone stopped, drawn by the shower of blue sparks that curtained down from the stressed Academy teacher like a blinking dome of radioactive fireflies.

"Great, great. C'mon, brats, I've gotta shunt you off to Daikon now. Oh, and if anyone asks, his name is Daikoku-sensei. Feel free to call 'im Daikon, though. Head looks like a radish, he's just in denial."

Half-an-hour later, when a student got brave enough to call Daikoku 'Daikon,' his left eyebrow twitched, slowly.

"I am so not buying Suzume a drink today..."

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-numbing nerves to reduce pain in that area, if underloaded will only tingle, if overloaded will cause nerves to deaden temporarily in that part, if seriously overloaded will short-term paralyze (lightning)

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"Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitawwwwcrappityfuckinghellishshitshitshit-" Naruto gasped like a lifesaving mantra, blood no longer gushing from the giantass hole right over his heart.

No, it wasn't gushing anymore.

Now it was just oozing, which frankly looked much worse.

Like, instead of cherry punch pouring into a pitcher, it was strawberry jelly being pushed through a strainer and oh kami he's going to stop thinking about this before it puts him off of red food forever.

What was that trick Kakashi had shown them years ago?

Numbing, numbing…

He could really use some numbness right now.

Lightning wasn't really his thing, especially after what had just happened, but using a nature affinity you weren't aligned to just meant it took more chakra and control to achieve the same standard of results.

Still some chakra left, merely dregs and drops compared to his former sloshing ocean-tides, but right now, anything over the burning-agony-burnt-pork?-aghgoawaygoawaygoawayalreadykami-samadamnit of the giant gaping hole would help.

His russet-stained hand, nails not fully retracted from the Kyuubi's influence, cautiously hovered as close to the injury as he could without flinching.

Gingerly flexing his fingers, white sparks flaked off and fell like chips of starlight, sinking straight into his skin with a magnified sting that was rapidly erased with a draping cover of heavy-throb-cold-tingly-melting numbness.

Naruto released a less-pained sigh, and fell unconscious before he could contemplate what to do next.

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-stimulate nerves to awaken somebody, if overloaded will cause nerves to 'glitch' and make that part of the body twitch/spasm involuntarily (lightning)

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"My darling trio of adorable itty bitty Genin! Time to rise 'n shine 'n start off on the ol' hiking trail!"

A gloved hand poked through the tent flaps, three arcs of thin electricity leaping off his fingers to land bulls-eye on the scalps of his 'darling Genin', before withdrawing with a hum so sadistically happy it should be banned.

Groaning, Sakura stirred shallowly, then dropped back down, smothering her head into the comfort of her doughy cushion, giving it up as a bad job.

"It should be illegal to be that cheery before dawn," Sasuke muttered mutinously from where his dark hair spiked up, above the pillow he was valiantly attempting to bury his face in.

She couldn't even answer him, or properly relish in the fact that she'd shared a tent with her long-time crush, so tired was she.

"We can try pushing him off of a cliff," Naruto suggested amiably, looking considerably perkier than either of them (a.k.a. his face was uncovered and his eyes were open), but always up for good payback, especially when it concerned his hair.

(He'd learned hair-pride from Hinata-nee.)

The Uchiha pondered it for a second, then pointed out, sounding muffled, "But he's a Jounin. He'd just dodge and push us off, and probably not even try to save us."

"I have ready-made contact-activated paralyzation seals," Naruto dismissed confidently, "And I'll send Henged shadow clones to do it, so we're out of the danger zone. What do you think of a hawk-stag combo? The stag nudges him with the tag, the hawk has the back-up tag, and the hawk can always fly away if it misses."

"Oh?" Sasuke sounded intrigued. "You finally got the wing-motions down, dobe?"

Sakura groaned again, this time because she was apparently the only sane person in a tentful of murderous planners.

None of their plans would work on an Elite Jounin like Kakashi, and they knew that fact very well, so it was more of a pastime than anything else, but being in a tentful of recreational murder-planners seemed almost worse than the former option.

And kami-sama knows she's as crazy as they are, because who else would patch them up afterwards?

"Still not going to work, you realize," she pointed out anyway, if only because that was her role in this crazy dysfunctional family unit: the voice of resigned reason.

"Pfft, realizations means embracing reality, and that's for losers who can't dream," Naruto easily dismissed once more.

Sakura was glad her pillow obscured the fond smile she couldn't repress.

Crazies and proud.

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-warms a solid with externally generated heat usually channeled from the hands (fire)

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"And this, children, is how you heat a premade meal," Kakashi preached condescendingly, holding out a steaming ramen cup in front of him.

Naruto gaped and watched it with awe-filled eyes, because it was ramen he could eat in a mission-camp.

Sakura gaped and watching it with hunger-filled eyes, because it was food and she was starving and sick of cold ration bars.

Sasuke looked unimpressed, because he was Sasuke and an Uchiha and therefore required by cosmic law to be Duly Unimpressed and Above The Plebeians.

(Hyuuga just had to be Duly Unimpressed© and Always Have Better Hair Even After Sparring.

Uzumaki probably were More Awesomely Badass Than You and The Life Of Every Party, Even The Ones They Aren't Actually Invited To, Because Gatecrashing Is For Awesome Badasses.

[And Hatake were, of course, The Ultimate Troll-lol-lols.)

Their sensei crinkle-eye smiled, and ruffled his sulky emo-panda student's distinctly duckish hair.

"Enjoy it, before you brats grow up and take missions without time to actually eat something resembling a meal. ANBU survive off of the tears of their enemies, the blood of their foes, and stone-hard protein slabs ground from bones and rock."

They slowly edged away from the still-smiling Hatake, and eyed him dubiously in unison.

The problem was, they could never tell if he was lying or not.

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The uses of chakra tricks are varied and valuable and especially useful for bailing out underprepared Genin, or for taunting underprepared foreign ninja.

Picking the latter option is considered unwise, unless you are of equal or higher rank.

Also if they're not hostile, but that's much less likely.

Ninja are basically bred to be hostile and aggressive and at the very least, more than a little competitive.

When a ninja isn't aggressive enough to go in for the kill, quite soon they will be killed from behind by a thought-to-be-disabled enemy.

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(Note: Clans are well-off and own land. Thus, they have private, guarded libraries. Thus, they have a safe storage place for sensitive information. Thus, they have scrolls of Clan techniques and history and chakra tricks.

Because those spaces are private and guarded.

The Konohagakure Library is not private or especially guarded.

They are also running on a limited budget and space.

So all jutsus there are E-rank to D-rank at most, there is no room to put down anything not vital, and there are no extra-staff to convince enough ninja to donate their tricks into the public domain.

Thus, no public freebie chakra tricks for everyone.)

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* = can alternatively be used to achieve the same purpose

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More drabbles, kinda. These can be more safely taken as Academia!canon, although the characters aren't (usually) as inept as they were portrayed in this (crack-ish outtakes) chapter. Like, Sasuke knows how to make a campfire the old-fashioned way, of course. He just... doesn't really care, and wants to get it over with as quickly as possible. So...

Actually, yes, yes they are this inept.

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-Reviews are sustenance for whatever part of me is responsible for fulfilling the incessant demands of inspiration.-