S Meyer owns Twilight. I own the new Mumford & Sons album, and I love it.
None of this would be possible without M. For real. She's the one who MADE me read a book about a sparkly vampire.
Big thanks to maxipoo1024. She turned this around for me in less than 24 hours. She's awesome.
Any mistakes left are mine.
Same warnings as usual.
Chapter 29
That one last shot's a permanent vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings
Life's a journey not a destination
And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings
You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn't listen
To all that righteous talk
I was out on the street
Tryin' to survive
Scratchin' to stay alive
It's amazing
With the blink of an eye
you finally see the light
It's amazing
when the moment arrives that
you know you'll be alright
(Amazing – Aerosmith)
-o-
"I need your advice," Carmen says as she stares at her shoes.
I exhale slowly and pass the pipe to her. "About?"
"Sex."
"Carmen, you've slept with half of Forks. What could I possibly know about sex that you don't?"
"How to have sex with a virgin."
Oh sweet Jesus.
"You do know that boys don't have hymens, right? It isn't going to hurt him." It earns me a dirty look, but damn. "And technically, Edward wasn't a virgin."
"Don't be an asshole. We're getting a hotel room for prom night, and I've never spent the night with a boy."
God, that's sad. All those boys, and she's never woken up in someone's arms. I am an asshole. "I'm sorry." I knock my knee against hers. "You know I have trouble talking about sex."
"I know. I'm not really mad. I can get through the act, I think -"
"What do you mean you think? It doesn't sound like you're ready for this."
"I just don't want to seem over-experienced."
I love this girl. She's so much like me in some ways and so completely opposite in others. "He won't care. He loves you, and he won't care. You've been honest, right?"
"Yeah. We've talked. With him being friends with Emmett, I figured it was for the best. I just…I guess I'm worried that I don't know how to do all the emotional stuff. My instinct is to just fuck him like crazy. But it's his first time. EVER. Shouldn't that be all sweet and romantic and stuff?"
"Why don't you let him set the mood? If he goes for slow and romantic, be gentle with him. If he's eager, make him your bitch. Just don't expect it to last very long the first time."
"I don't care about that."
Yep. She's in love.
The phone rings in my hand, and I smile because I know it is Edward calling from the payphone outside the gym before practice.
"Hey," I answer as I motion to Carmen and leave her outside.
"Is it tomorrow yet?"
He misses me. I can hear it in his voice. "No, it's still Tuesday."
"Are you still coming over after school?"
He's asked me this question a dozen times since he kissed me goodnight and left me at Renee's house Sunday night. "Yes, but if you ask me again, I won't."
"I'm sorry. I'm just…anxious."
"I bet you are," I tease.
"What color panties are you wearing?"
"Goodbye, Edward."
"I'm serious. What color?"
I know Carmen is outside, but I still glance around before quietly answering, "Blue."
"Dammit," he groans. "Blue looks so good against your skin."
"Does your mom still have that church banquet thing tomorrow night?"
"Yes, and Dad will be working. Do you see why I'm going nuts?"
"Are you going to survive practice?"
"I guess," he grumbles. I can almost see the pout.
"I'll reward you tomorrow afternoon. I promise."
"Bella…"
"I know, I know. I'm sorry." I'm not really. I like knowing he wants me. I really like knowing he's been thinking about me naked. "Go to practice. I'll talk to you tonight."
Phil had made him run five extra laps during yesterday's warm-up, one for each minute he was late. I'm doing my best to help him avoid the same thing today. Knowing Phil, he'll double it. He's not an asshole like Banks, but he expects respect from his players.
"I'll call you when I get home. Love you, Bella."
"I love you too."
I stare at the phone for moment after ending the call. Part of me still can't believe this is real. I may have said it first this time around, but he says it every time we're saying goodbye now. Maybe it's because we're more grown-up. Or maybe it's because we couldn't say it to each other at all for so long.
Whatever the reason, I like it.
"I'm guessing that was Edward," Carmen says as I rejoin her on the steps outside. "You look a little dumbstruck."
"I do not."
"Dude, you look happy. There's nothing wrong with it. I want to hear about Sunday."
Of course she does. It's odd that I'm sexually active and she hasn't been since last year. Last year. When she says it, she makes it sound like she's dying. November was five months ago. I went a hell of a lot longer than five months so I have zero sympathy.
Besides, I want to know how she ended up schoolin' Edward in the first place.
"I want to hear about your oral sex discussion with my boyfriend."
She covers her heart with her hand like she's saying the Pledge of Allegiance and sighs. "Did he do it?"
"Yes. Are you happy?" Why is my sex life always so damn fascinating?
"Yes. He is so sweet, Bella. I feel like a real jerk for being such a shit to him, and part of me kind of wonders if what I did might have messed you guys up even more. So when he asked for tips, I hooked him up."
"But why would he ask? Were you guys just sitting around talking about oral at Pam's?"
"No, dumbass. He asked me Friday night at Sam's."
"What?"
"I was outside on the lawn, smokin' and chillin' with him and Elliot. Sam needed El's help moving the table, and while he was gone, Edward brought it up. He seemed nervous, so I explained the bare basics, you know, hand mouth coordination and such."
"He listened well."
She laughs, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees. "Good. The boy is smitten. I wasn't going to mention this, but fuck it. Riley is gone, and there's a new tenant in his old place." The change in her tone is enough to make me dislike this new tenant already. "Her name is Bree, and the bitch is perfect. I mean perfect. Tits, ass, face…she even has brains."
"And?"
"Well, I thought I was going to have to kick her ass for a minute. She tried to give Edward a boob flash while I was standing right there. Um…hello? I recognize the 'hey, I wanna fuck you' introduction from a mile away. I'm the queen of that shit."
Any girl with brains would hit on Edward. I can't blame her really. "What stopped you?"
"Edward. He seemed so uninterested, I almost felt bad for her. I'll give it to her though, once he said he was taken, she backed off."
Well, it's good to know not all chicks are like Maria and Irina. I don't know Bree, and I might not ever meet her, but she sounds like a decent girl. It's also good to hear what I already know. He's mine.
"Can't blame a girl for trying," I joke.
"She told him his girlfriend is a 'lucky girl.'" She stops to look at me and grin. "He looked at her and said, 'I'm the lucky one.' That's some sweet shit, Bella. I can't believe it took you so long."
I can't believe it either.
He's sweet and shy when he opens the door Wednesday afternoon, but I'm more nervous than anything. I think he knows it too because he holds my hand tightly as we walk up the stairs to his room.
The bedding is white now instead of black, but everything else looks exactly the same down to the picture of us sitting on his bedside table.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
"I burned it."
"Burned what?"
"Everything," I whisper. "Every note, the picture, your t-shirt…I burned it all in the trash barrel out back on New Year's Eve. It was supposed to help."
He looks surprised. And hurt. "Did it?"
I shake my head. "No."
"Don't be sad," he says quietly, cupping my cheeks in his hands and wiping my tears with his thumbs. "Please don't cry. I'll write you new notes…every day I don't see you, I'll write one. We have new pictures now, Bella. None of that stuff matters." He kisses me softly. "I don't want to make you sad anymore. I want you to be happy."
"I am. It's just confusing sometimes."
"It won't always be like this." His hand moves to my neck, and his thumb rubs lightly over my tat. "We'll keep making new memories until the old ones just don't hurt anymore."
"I love you," I tell him, resting my head on his chest and my arms on his waist. He pulls me over to his bed, and I follow when he leans back against the headboard, sitting between his bent knees and relaxing with my back against his chest. "I'm sorry." I wipe my cheeks and try to stop crying like a baby. "I'm premenstrual, which is awesome by the way, and I think too much."
"You don't have to apologize. That picture hasn't been there the whole time, Bella. It spent a year in an old paper sack in the corner of my closet with everything else that reminded me of you."
"I've ruined our whole afternoon. This is not what I had in mind when we talked on the phone yesterday."
"This is perfect. Any time you're in my bed, it's perfect. Though I have to admit, I'd prefer no tears."
Yeah, me too. "I'm done. All clear."
He picks up the remote and turns on the TV as I move to sit next to him. We adjust the pillows, getting comfortable and when he holds out his arm, I snuggle in close. He's right.
This is perfect.
The only problem is we've stayed up two nights in a row talking instead of sleeping, and we doze off with my arm across his chest and his arm wrapped around me.
Waking up in the same position is the best feeling in the world. He drops a couple of sleepy forehead kisses on me as he tries to wake up. I don't mind.
I also don't mind when he wakes up all the way and slides his arm down my back until his hand is resting on my ass.
Forehead kisses turn into neck kisses as he flips me onto my back and slowly unbuttons my shirt. "Feeling better?" His voice is deep and rough, and his fingers are like gentle matches…lighting the flame with every brush against my skin.
"Much." I let him take the shirt and my bra, and I end up losing my pants too before he even sheds his t-shirt. When he finally does, I kiss his chest because there is no way I'm mouth kissing him after a crying spell and a nap. My mouth is staying closed.
I work my fingers between us, popping open the buttons on his jeans one by one until I can get my hand in.
"Can I have you?" Like he even needs to ask. Is he crazy?
He's holding back, trying not to assault my palm. "You should be naked by now," I tell him, tightening my grip and moving my hand until he caves. One quick thrust before he moves away to get rid of his pants, and then he peels off my underwear on his way back up.
"You should be naked all the time," he says, trailing his fingers lightly across my inner thigh.
I exhale and relax against the pillow as his hand moves even lower and he slips two fingers inside. It feels different physically. I mean, he's a man now. But it's also the same because he knows the exact way to touch me. It's almost embarrassing how quickly he leaves me shaking and breathless.
He's frustrated when I won't let him kiss me, but he doesn't let it deter him, moving his lips to my neck instead as his fingers disappear and he gives me something so much better.
He hadn't been joking about being anxious. I can feel it in the way he moves, tense above me.
I kiss his chest, right above his heart, to remind him that I love him and then say the words out loud for him too.
His "I love you" is quiet and soft, but his hips are merciless as he shows me exactly how much he missed me and makes me forget everything else in the world but us.
Trying to get to the bathroom after is embarrassing. I'm naked, and gravity is a bitch when spunk is involved. He only laughs a little, and I can't really be mad because I'm laughing at myself too for a change.
He hides my shirt while I'm taking care of business. If we order pizza, we can stay naked in bed. It's tempting. Naked Edward is always tempting, but I'm still sick of pizza. We compromise on fast food.
The lot at Wendy's is full, and there is a large group of heavy-hitting punk kids standing in clusters around three parked cars. Some of them are smoking, and I catch glimpses of two flasks as they're passed from hand to hand.
"Edward, that's Jane," I say quietly, horrified by her appearance. Her tights are ripped, her hair cut short, and if the wind blows, I'm afraid she might topple over. She's that skinny. "What's wrong with her?"
"Looks like she's off the wagon again."
I'm not sure what he means by that, but she obviously needs help. "We need to call her parents. She looks awful."
"Try to keep her here for a few minutes. I'll try to reach them from the payphone behind the building. I'll be right back. Promise me you won't get in any of those cars. Not even for a minute, Bella."
Not all of these kids are strangers. A few went to PA and graduated before I even left. I've seen some of the others at The Hole a time or two. They all look pretty rough. Jane looks pretty rough.
"I promise."
He steps out of the car before he can change his mind. I can see he doesn't like this. He knows what happened the night Lonnie died, and he doesn't want to leave me alone with Jane. I get out too.
As she approaches, the first thing I notice is that she's even thinner up close with pale skin stretched thin and sallow. There's a pink barbell in her bottom lip and a line of track marks on the inside of her left arm.
"Hey, Bella." She hugs me briefly and asks where Edward is going.
"He's calling Emmett. He was supposed to meet us here, but the Jeep is MIA."
She seems happy enough with my answer and asks what I've been up to. I tell her about school and Florida, and she nods politely until Edward joins us.
I don't know if he reached her parents. I'm stalling anyway, hoping someone might show up to get her away from these people and get her some help.
"I'm kind of hungry," she says, rubbing her stomach. "Can I borrow some money? Like a five?"
"Don't give her any money," Edward whispers in my ear as I dig through my purse.
"I can't let her starve."
"She won't spend it on food. Trust me." He hates this as much as I do, and it sounds like he knows much more of her story.
"Come in with us, Jane," I offer. "I'll buy you a combo. You can super size it." She needs to. God, she needs to. I'll buy her two combos if she'll eat them. She looks emaciated and unkempt, and her friends are starting to give us dirty looks.
"Nah, I'm waiting on someone out here. I'm gonna eat when he gets here. If you give me a five, I'm good."
"I can't."
"Sure you can. I'll get a combo when my friends go inside. We'll just be a few more minutes."
"I can't give you money." Not for heroin. I can't help this poor girl kill herself.
"Edward?" she asks.
"Let us buy you dinner, Jane," he tries to reason with her. "You can have a burger, and we'll give you a lift home."
"Five dollars," she says, shaking her head. "You fuckers can't spare a five for an old friend?" Her voice is getting louder with each word, and people are starting to stare. "You know what? Fuck you both. I don't need your money anyway."
She turns to join her friends, and they disappear into cars as she walks away from us.
"Jane, please let us take you home." I try one last time as she opens the passenger door of a green Civic hatchback.
"Fuck off."
"Bella, come on," Edward says quietly, tugging my hand.
"We can't just let her leave." I don't know how to walk away even though the car she's in is already backing out of the parking space.
"She's already gone. She has been for a while." The Honda turns left out of the lot and disappears after making a right at the light.
Finally, I let him pull me into the restaurant. We save the conversation until we're alone at a table in the corner munching on fries and junior bacon cheeseburgers.
Mrs. Nelson had answered when Edward called and told him that she and Jane's dad had kicked Jane out three months ago. She'd robbed her parents a few weeks after coming home from her second trip to rehab. Her mother had cried when Edward called tonight, but she had also insisted it was time for tough love and refused to come.
"How is Alec handling all of this?"
"When I saw him over winter break, he was happy and excited that Jane was about to be released in time for Christmas."
"God. He's probably crushed. Poor Jane."
"The whole situation is fucked," he agrees.
"I can't help but wonder what it would have taken to push me over whatever line she crossed."
"Don't say things like that."
If Ben had succeeded…
If that line I blew with Jane had made me feel good instead of awful…
If I'd stayed in Port Angeles and hadn't had Charlie and the girls…
I've been walking such a thin line for the longest time. "It's one reason I'm glad I'm leaving," I admit. "I've been walking around in a haze for years, since before I met you if I'm being honest." I watch the thin white paper of the straw wrapper as I tear it into tiny pieces. "I'm tired of being numb all the time and the partying…it gets old."
"Are you breaking up with Mary Jane?" He would never say it out loud, but he's totally giving me a bitch, please look.
"Never. I'm not going to give it up, but when I get to Florida, I'm not going to go looking for a dealer either. I'll probably take some with me and smoke every now and then. I just need to slow down."
"There's nothing wrong with that. I still drink beer occasionally. I don't miss the other shit one bit."
"You're probably the only drug-free person I know," I joke. "Well, except for Jake. He's been clean for years."
"Messing around with liquor and coke is how I ended up in so much trouble over Christmas Break junior year. It was easy to walk away from it." More pieces of the Maggie puzzle click into place, but I can't be angry. The same thing could have happened to me. I'd thought of Tyler that way, even if it had only been for a moment.
He pulls off the lid covering the Frosty and dips two fries into the chocolate ice cream. Leaning forward, he feeds them to me instead of being greedy, and I decide to really put the Maggie thing to rest in my mind for good.
We split the ice cream and wipe out our fries. As we're leaving, I scan the parking lot, hoping Jane changed her mind, but there's no sign of her.
When we get back to Edward's house, it's as dark as we left it, and we're still alone. I'm half undressed by the time we fall onto his bed, and he tugs my jeans off before getting rid of his own clothes.
When he's finally naked, I push him onto his back. "Oh yeah?" he asks as I climb over him.
His hands are on my waist before I can moan a "yes," and then it's his turn to moan as I slowly take him inside. His lips part and he watches with fuck me eyes and shallow breaths until the urge to move takes over. Years ago, I could barely look him in the eye when we'd done this, but the way he looks at me now makes it impossible to look away.
I watch his breath catch as I lean back, placing a hand on each of his thighs for support. It's the leverage I need for the pace I want. He meets it easily, adding his thumb in tight circles when I'm close and groaning my name as I bring him with me.
Esme will be home soon, and we both know it, but getting dressed puts us one step closer to saying goodbye. We leave our clothes off and our bodies touching until the sound of the garage door opening forces our hand.
After dressing quickly, we make our way downstairs to chat with her for a while. If she suspects anything, she doesn't call us on it. He sits on one of the stools, and I stay on my feet but lean on him enough to probably label it a new form of sitting.
Each tick of the clock in the kitchen serves as a reminder of how late it's getting. This is still a school night. I've got to make the drive back to Forks and drag my ass out of bed in the morning. We had been apart for two freakin' years, and I'm waffling like being away from each other for Spring Break is going to kill us.
As if.
Edward kicks me out at ten. "I hate for you to be out on the highway this late," he says as we walk outside.
"I'll be careful, and I'll call you as soon as I get home." I've already cried once today, and I refuse to go all psycho and do it again now. "So, a week and half, right?"
"Next Saturday." He hugs me, talking against my hair. "Are you planning any beach time?"
"I don't know. Why?"
"Don't fall for any surfer boys." I can tell he's teasing. He knows I won't.
"Eh. I'm into baseball players."
"Lucky me."
Lucky us.
Getting my own war-movie worthy goodbye kiss is pretty amazing.
Charlie is set on leaving Forks the minute the final bell rings on Friday. He's in the parking lot waiting for me after school, and we're on the road to Seattle in the time it takes me to give the girls goodbye hugs. I wish he'd given me time to call Edward to at least say goodbye.
Seven more days. This is going to suck, but we'll have the entire summer together…and New York. I'm really excited about New York.
We spend the night in a hotel near SEATAC and arrive at the airport at the ungodly hour of six o'clock in the morning on Saturday so we can make our flight at seven. I'm snoozing before the fasten seatbelt light turns off. We grab a bite to eat in Atlanta during our two hour layover.
After landing in Jacksonville, it takes forty five minutes to get the rental car and finally get on the road. Charlie wasn't comfortable with the idea of staying at Phil's house, so he made reservations for us at the Hilton in St. Augustine.
The sun is setting as we arrive, and it's hard for me to wait for Charlie to park. The hotel is bay front, and there are beautiful boats and so many colors. My camera is already in hand.
He leaves me to it and goes inside to check us in.
Charlie is always hungry, and by the time we're settled, it's well past dinner time for us. He's looks annoyed when he parks in the lot at Osteen's (per my instructions) and sees a line of patrons outside waiting.
"Trust me, Dad," I tell him as I step out of the car. "You're going to love this place. Everything is fried, and it's delicious. It's totally worth the wait."
He agrees as we're walking out an hour and a half later.
The campus tours don't run on Sundays, so we spend our first day hitting some of the attractions. I take him to Fort Matanzas and the pirate museum. After lunch, he insists on going to the Ripley's Believe It Or Not! Museum. It's a total rip off, but he chuckles a time or two and that's worth the price of my boredom.
I breathe a sigh of relief Monday morning when my period shows up right on schedule. It will suck dealing with it on vacation, but it is way better than the alternative. I think I'm in love with my birth control pills.
We spend most of the day at Flagler. Charlie completely embarrasses me by asking to speak to the head of campus security. After interrogating the man over statistics and precautionary measures, he tells him, "Good job," and the poor guy walks away sweating bullets.
He buys two Flagler hoodies in the bookstore, one for him and one for me, and I know he's sold. This is his way of giving me his blessing or whatever.
Since I know he's too proud to ask to see it, I drive to Phil's house on Tuesday. Charlie watches as I put in the code at the neighborhood entrance and wave to the two guards on duty in the guard shack. He doesn't seem overly impressed by the house until we walk in and I have to disarm the fancy alarm system. Then he looks outright happy.
I give him a quick tour, and we step out back to admire the view.
"No swimming alone."
"I'm not a total idiot, Dad."
"Say it."
"I promise."
"Alright. This place will do."
It's hard not to laugh, but I manage. "I'm glad, because my scholarship only covers tuition and a two hundred dollar book stipend each semester. It would suck if you made me pay for a dorm." I'm trying to keep the mood light. My dad has a lot of pride, and this can't be easy for him.
"You know, I started a college fund for you with my very first paycheck from the station. I put back two dollars. There were some weeks during the early years I could only add a few dollars. But I never stopped adding to it," he pauses, smiling a little. "After I paid off the house, the deposits were much bigger. With or without the scholarship, it's still for you. We'll sign over the account at the bank before you leave this summer."
"You're really okay with me leaving?"
"I want you to be happy. If living here for a while will make you happy, then you should do it. And if it doesn't work out, I've already told you that you never need a reason to come home. That offer never expires, Bella."
"Thanks, Dad," I rest my head against his shoulder. "I'm going to miss you."
He drops a kiss on my hair. "I'll miss you too, and I don't expect you to use all of those long distance cards calling me, but I want to hear your voice at least once a week, young lady."
"Deal."
"I want my station listed as your emergency contact. Someone is always there."
"Okay."
"If you decide to take night classes, call security to take you to your car. I'm not kidding about this one." He points a finger in my face to prove it. "There are phones outside every building and waiting ten or fifteen minutes could be the difference between life and death."
Having a cop for a dad is a trip. "Got it."
"Good. I think that's it."
After locking up, we make it back to town in time to catch a lull in the crowd at Osteen's. Charlie can't get enough fried seafood.
Wednesday morning, he tells me to pack after breakfast. We check out around nine and by noon, we're in Orlando parking in the lot at Magic Kingdom.
Neither of us has ever been to Disney World, and I don't care if I am eighteen, this is the most awesome fucking surprise ever. We wait in long lines for rides and food, and it's worth every sore muscle at the end of the day when we leave.
It had been a spur of the moment thing, so he pulls in at the first nice looking hotel he sees and books rooms for two nights.
Thursday morning we make the drive over to Universal Studios and catch the rides there. This might be the first time I've ever seen my dad let loose and act like a kid.
The days have passed so much more quickly than I expected them to. Before I know it Charlie is making the drive back to Jacksonville Friday morning, and then I'm saying goodbye to Florida again as I board a flight back to Seattle.
The drive to Forks seems to take longer than ever. "Hey, Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Grandpa has Alzheimer's. Mom and Phil moved him into their house this week."
"I'm sorry, kid. That's terrible. He's a good man."
"Do you think maybe we could go fishing Sunday? The three of us?"
"Sure…if you think he'll want to."
We get in late, and after sleeping well past noon on Saturday, I finally check the messages on my answering machine. The first one is time stamped Friday around noon. I don't recognize the number, but I can tell it's not local because of the area code.
Hey, it's me. I can't explain right now, but I'm not going to make it home this weekend. It looks like we'll be gone until Tuesday. I'm not sure yet, but that's the plan. I miss you, and I can't wait to see you. I love you, Bella.
I wonder if he is signing. If he is, he sounds excited about it. I'm guessing they made him an offer too good to refuse.
Eight hours isn't so bad. Plus we'll have Labor Day, Fall Break, and Thanksgiving to get us through until Winter Break. We'll still have the phone. We'll be fine.
The next two messages are from Mom. They've been home since Wednesday, and she wants to hear about my trip.
Instead of returning her call, I get dressed and drive to the Port.
She and Grandpa are relaxing on the back deck and watching Phil drive golf balls into the woods at the back of their property line when I arrive.
We talk about my trip, and they seem genuinely happy that I've chosen Florida. Renee even gives me the okay to dump all the other schools. Grandpa asks about tuition and beams when I tell him I've got it covered.
"Do you want to go fishing tomorrow?" I ask him. "Dad doesn't have to work until Monday. We could leave early in the morning for Forks."
"That sounds good, Dad. I can pick you up tomorrow night if you want to go." My mother's offer doesn't surprise me but the hopeful tone of her voice does.
"Have you learned to bait your own hook yet?" he asks playfully.
"Gross, Grandpa."
He sighs, shaking his head. "I'm going to teach you tomorrow. It hardly seems right to send you out into the world without teaching you how to fish properly."
After dinner, Phil and I make our way out to the deck for a smoke.
"I've been thinking," he says, doing that nervous thing again.
Man. I thought the wedding might put an end to all that. "You don't say."
He ignores me. "I'd like to pick Walter up tomorrow night if you think it would be okay. I don't want to meet your father for the first time at your graduation, Bella. I think we'd both be more comfortable in a less public setting."
And he's offering to do it on Charlie's turf. It's a good idea.
"I think that would be pretty awesome of you, but I think Mom needs to stay here."
"I agree." I'm so glad my mom found this man instead of some asshole douchebag. As far as step-dads go, Phil is the bomb.
Grandpa and I turn in early because I told Charlie we would be at the house by eight o'clock Sunday morning.
I lied. We don't arrive until almost nine.
Charlie loads rods and three different tackle boxes in the bed of my truck before climbing into the cab. It feels weird driving with both of them in the truck, almost backwards. They're the grownups.
Luckily, Charlie has an old pair of gloves in the largest tackle box. Grandpa was serious about teaching me to fish. Handling crickets and worms and stabbing them in the guts feels less personal with thick gloves on, but it's still nasty and makes me want to hurl.
My memories obviously live in the rose colored corner of my mind. This doesn't seem nearly as cool as I remember.
It gets better as the day progresses. I give up on the fishing part and listen to Grandpa quietly tell stories about his days in the Air Force. Dad entertains him in return with small town cop stories. My parents may be divorced, but these two men are still family.
We ditch the boat and hit the diner for a late lunch. While Grandpa is in the bathroom, I use the time alone to give Charlie a heads up.
"Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Phil is coming to pick up Grandpa later." He doesn't look up from his sandwich, chewing slowly, turning it over in his head. "I like him, Dad. He's good to Mom, and he's good to me. And not just us…he's good to his players. He visited Emmett in the hospital when he had surgery." I don't mention the women's shelter. It's in the news all the time and I don't want to go overboard. "I don't want to feel bad for liking him."
"I don't want you to feel bad for it. It's not easy for me to talk about your mom, Bella." It's not easy for him to talk about his feelings period. Stubbornness isn't the only thing I inherited from my dad. "I made a lot of mistakes. I lost my family because of pride and stupidity. So I can't really blame your mother for making the choice she made."
He glances over at me before continuing. "We both made bad decisions after the divorce, and I'm not proud of the way we put you in the middle for so long. I won't ever do that to you again, kid. I swear."
He proves it later by shaking Phil's hand and introducing himself instead of making me do it. They chat about baseball while Grandpa watches the last ten minutes of the news. Charlie brings up Florida and tells Phil how much better he feels about me staying in a gated community than some unruly dorm. It's his way of saying thanks.
Phil nods a silent "you're welcome" and conversation picks right up with talk about the campus. Grandpa hugs me before leaving, and I might cry a little when he hugs my dad too and pats him on the face.
"Wait!" None of them move as I rush to the dining room to get my camera. Dad and Grandpa humor me, standing awkwardly next to each other while I take a few pictures.
"Why don't you go stand with them, Bella? I'll take some of you together." Phil's offer doesn't surprise me. This is why I love him.
I stand in the middle, and they each put an arm around me, and I hate that my grandpa is sick, but I'm so glad he's here. I'll have these pictures forever.
We stand outside until Phil's car disappears from our street.
"He's not so bad," Charlie says as we walk into the house.
"Thanks, Dad."
"You're welcome." He points in the direction of the stairs. "Do you mind if I shower first? I'd like to see Jeanette for a while before her shift starts."
"Go for it."
While he's in the shower, I call Alice to see if she wants to come over for a while. When she finds out Charlie is coming over, she decides to invite herself over for a sleepover. It's gross - the way she's dying for our parents to start doing the deed. Ick.
Jeanette and Alice talk about everything. Unfortunately, Alice repeats some of it to me. Stuff I never ever want to know. Charlie won't touch her mom if Alice is in the house. So, tonight, Alice is removing herself from the equation and crossing her fingers.
I'm trying not to think about it at all as Charlie comes down the stairs.
"See you later," he says as he walks out the door.
Alice is sitting on my bed when I get back to my room after my shower. "This is so romantic," she says, grinning. "Your dad is looking hot in that button up."
"Shut the hell up if you want me to speak to you at all tonight." She tortures me by singing the chorus of "Let's Get It On" as I slip into my favorite pajamas. "Bitch, you are no Marvin Gaye. Shut up."
"Come on." She takes my hand after I'm dressed, pulling me out of my room and down the stairs. "You need to relax."
With Charlie gone, we don't have to sneak out to the woods. I roll one on the back porch, and we smoke and laugh. Every time she says something suggestive about our parents, I punch her in the leg.
"Tell me about your trip. How was Florida?"
"Almost perfect," I tell her. She already knows why I'm struggling with this. We've talked about it enough.
"And the reunion sex yesterday?"
"He's not back yet."
"Is everything okay?"
"I guess. I'm not really sure." Instead of trying to explain, I play Edward's message for her when we get back to my room. "Do you think he's signing?"
"I don't know. I don't think he would do something like that without at least talking to you about it first."
"Technically, we have talked about it. Several times."
"Well, Tuesday is only a couple of days away."
Easy for her to say.
Monday sucks harder than a normal first day back after a break because I drive myself crazy wondering if he really is coming home on Tuesday and what he'll tell me if he does.
The girls do a good job keeping me busy after school. We make a trip to PA for some shopping and even though I know it is still Monday (and there's no way he's home), I make Leah drive by Edward's house before leaving the Port. Seeing his Volvo in the driveway is enough to make me miss him a little less. We stop in to say hello to Mom and Phil and end up having dinner with them before heading back to Forks.
I'm the last one Leah drops off since I live closest to her house.
"I'm sorry I gave you a hard time over Edward," she says after parking in my driveway.
"It's okay. I'm more upset about you threatening him."
"Really?" she asks, laughing.
"No. I guess not. I'm just glad it didn't scare him away."
"So am I."
Tuesday takes even longer than Monday did. I check my watch three or four times during each class, wishing the minutes would tick by a little faster. During lunch, I use the payphone in the cafeteria to call home to check my messages, but there aren't any.
When the final bell rings, I have no idea if I should go home to Charlie's house or head to the Port and wait in Edward's driveway until he gets there.
I don't have to do either.
He's already waiting for me in the parking lot, sporting a tan and standing next to the tailgate of my truck. He's talking to Jasper and watching the front exit of Forks High as I walk through it.
"He looks excited," Alice says as we walk down the stairs.
"I know." I'm not sure if he's excited to see me or excited because he's going to tell me he's moving to North Carolina. Either way, he's happy. We'll be fine. He's still looking at me like he loves me, and that's what counts.
"Hey," he says, pulling my backpack from my shoulder and dropping it next to his feet.
"Hey," I answer as he hugs me tightly. I'm scared to ask, but I've been driving myself batty for days. "What's going on?"
"Do you want to go back to your house first?"
"No. I can't wait anymore. Why didn't you come home on Saturday?"
"I was in Florida this weekend."
"Florida?" It explains the tan but that's about it. "I thought you were in North Carolina?"
"I was…until Thursday morning. Mom called the hotel Wednesday. Jacksonville University left a message. Some kid they offered a scholarship decided to stay close to home in Oklahoma. They wanted to make an offer."
My heart starts beating double time the second he mentions JU.
"And?" Please. Please, please, please…
"Dad and I flew down to Jacksonville Thursday afternoon, and Mom met us there Friday. We toured the campus Saturday morning and went to a game that afternoon-"
"Did you take it?" I interrupt.
"Of course. It's perfect…baseball, beaches, sunny days, and you."
It is perfect. "You're going to be a Dolphin."
He grins. "You know the JU mascot?"
"I toured the school last summer. In fact, I have an offer from JU too." I could easily commute from St. Augustine to Jacksonville.
"But you want Flagler, Bella. You can still have that. It's an hour drive…the same distance we're dealing with now, and we've been doing pretty well so far. You don't have to give up what you want, and I don't want you to."
"You're sure? I mean, you're willing to move all the way across the country to be with me…"
"I'm sure. We can arrange our own schedules in college, so we'll figure out how to maximize our time together. I'll probably load up on classes for the fall semester and then do only the minimum course hours required for the scholarship in the spring during baseball season. We'll make it work."
I love this man for thinking about things like this and already planning ways to make me a priority. I think we've both learned our lessons. "Maybe we can make Fridays early days so you can spend long weekends on the beach with me."
"Throw in some salty, kinky sex on that king sized bed of yours and you're on."
"Deal."
"I missed you." Hands on my waist. "Every day." A whisper in my ear. "Every night." Sweet, sweet kisses on my neck.
I missed him too.
"Come home with me?" I ask. "I'd like to celebrate. Naked."
"Your dad?"
"Is in the Port with Jeanette."
"Let's go."
When we get to my house, we bypass the couch this time, opting for my bed upstairs. It's no king, but it will do. I hope.
This is new. That afternoon on the couch is the only time we've ever had sex in Charlie's house. I should probably feel guilty about it now, but I don't. I haven't seen Edward in thirteen days. With any luck, I'll never have to go that long again.
We take our time. We have plenty of it now.
He kisses me the same way he's loving me - slow and deep, hard and sweet. Rough and frantic until it hurts so good.
We're left boneless and floating, facing each other with our legs still tangled beneath the sheets.
"I owe your mom and Phil." His fingers are threaded with mine between us, and his voice is thick even though his eyes are happy.
"Why do you say that?"
"She wrote a really badass recommendation letter, and he FedExed some of my best tapes to the coaches down at JU. He followed up with a phone call…a few phone calls actually."
"But you got in on your own," I tell him. "If you didn't have the talent, there's no way they would want you. A phone call from Phil won't do them much good on the field."
"I also owe you."
"You don't owe me anything. You're the one changing plans for me."
"I owe you six college baseball scholarships. The only reason I played last year was because you begged my coach not to give up on me." He rubs his thumb over my knuckles. "I hated being on the field with Ben and Royce. I hated every minute of it."
"Why did you do it?"
"Phil told me what you said, and I didn't want you to feel like it was all for nothing."
"I feel like I should apologize again."
"Don't. I'm glad I played. It's my ride to Florida."
Okay, universe.
I'm good now.
I get it.
I try not to, I really do, but the tears come fast and hot.
"Again?" he asks, looking a bit panicked.
"These are good tears. Really good tears…maybe the best fucking tears ever." I giggle like an idiot as I wipe my face.
"The best?" he asks.
"The very best."
-o-
A/N- It's about damn time the poor girl gets to cry some happy tears, no?
I'm leaving a week from tomorrow to go on a (much needed) Florida vacation. It's been over a year since my feet have touched the sand. Not cool. I'm not sure when Ch 30 will post, but I'll get it done as soon as I can.
TGAG made it into the top 5 in this week's FOTW poll over at TLS. Thanks for voting, you guys! And thanks to Nic for the rec. Love you, girl.
I'm so sorry I didn't get to do review replies this time around. I read and appreciate them all.
Thanks for reading!
