A/N : Hello everyone! I know it probably gets boring, but again thank you for the favs and the follows and to everyone who reads the story. Special thanks to AdventurousDreamer and Princess Destinee for their reviews on the last chapter, it made my day! I had a lot of fun writing this one and I hope you will like it!
"I see. It's for your friend, Lara. It's her son you're looking for." Leliana told her with her usual soft voice.
"You know? Well... off course you know. I tend to forget that you have gathered quite a huge amount of information on me." Trevelyan frowned a little. She trusted Leliana but she wasn't comfortable with the fact that a person, who was a total stranger just a few months ago, could know so much about her life. It made her feel naked while fully clothed and she didn't like the feeling.
"It was my job to know more about you. We had no idea at first who you were, and with the power you had over the rifts it was a necessary precaution. I'm sure you understand."
"I do! It's just not the most pleasant feeling, knowing you have this… file on me."
"You are welcome to review it." Leliana said with a small cunning smile.
"I'm not sure I would like that." Alexis replied with a quiet chuckle.
"If that will make you feel more comfortable, you should know that I haven't collected information about you in a long time. I trust you Lady Trevelyan."
Alexis knew perfectly how well Leliana could play the game and how easily she could lie. Yet whenever she spoke privately with her she always felt the spymaster was honest with her.
"Thank you. Well anyway, do you think you could have someone look for him?"
"I have agents in the Free Marches, if there is a trail they will find it. I'll send word immediately and I will keep you posted as soon as I learn something."
"Thank you Leliana, I appreciate it."
Leliana left the room and Alexis took a seat at the table. The room she was sleeping in was small and had no place for a desk. Josephine had insisted she needed to have better quarters now that she was the Inquisitor. Every time the ambassador had come up with the matter Trevelyan had refused to have people working on making her more comfortable while there were still so many important things to be done to accommodate their soldiers and the refugees. So for now the war room was also her office. She was leaving for the Exalted Plains tomorrow and had to deal with as much paper work she could before her departure.
She looked at the pile of reports and at the letters from nobles she still had to read. Hopefully the majority would need no response from her as Josephine would have already taken care of it. She took the first one on the pile and started to read it. She was roughly halfway through the first page when she realized that she hadn't been paying attention at all, her mind wandering far away from the lines written on the paper before her. She tried to read it again, with the same result. Giving up, she settled the letter back with the others and fell back on her seat, her thoughts slowly drifting off to walk down memory lane.
"Why does she refuse our help?"
"Lara is hurting too much. And right now I fear she doesn't want to feel better." Lydia says softly to her.
"I just wished she would let us in. She has been like this for weeks, how long will it last?"
Alexis is hurting too. Being shut down by her best friend, knowing she is hurting and being unable to help pains her. She knows it has no measure with how Lara must feel right now. She just can't imagine her friend's torment, it's too much to understand.
"In time she will overcome the pain" Lydia tells her. "But it will never disappear Alexis, she will always carry it with her." Her mentor sighs heavily, guilt saddening her eyes. "I should have done something."
"We tried…I tried, and it failed! If only "he" had kept his mouth shut it might have worked."
"'He' is a Templar, and once they found out he was the father he had few choices."
"He should have at least given us time! Wait for the Knight-Commander rather than blabbing everything at the first question of the Knight-Captain!" Alexis says sounding bitter and angry.
"Which reminds me, you need to be more careful with Knight-Captain Aiden. We don't know if your father's complaint will work. That Templar has already flogged you, and Maker knows what else he did that you're still hiding. I don't want you to make yourself more of a target with him." Lydia says very seriously.
"You know everything he did." Alexis looks away, not wanting to remember what really happened.
"Don't lie to me child, I know you as if you were my own!" Lydia says affectionately. "But that's not what I wanted to say. I should have…" She sighs, taking time to find the right words "I should have warned you about relationships with men. I should have done it years ago."
"Warns us?" Alexis asks, puzzled.
"Yes! Tell you of the risks if you lay with a man. I know it was bound to happen. If I had told you of the precautions you should take before doing anything, I might have spared Lara all that suffering. I am so sorry." Tears begin to fell from Lydia's eyes
"It's not your fault! Lara wouldn't have to suffer if there weren't those stupid rules." Alexis says, taking Lydia's hand in her own.
Her mentor stays silent but she knows they both share the thought. Of the rules that bind mages in a Circle, this is perhaps one of the must cruel: you will never have a family. You lose the one you had once you enter these walls for the first time, and any future family you might try to have will be taken away from you.
One thing is certain for Alexis, from now one she will take all the precautions she can before sleeping with a man. She will never, ever be pregnant.
She opened her eyes, coming back to the present. She had never understood the depth of Lara's pain. It was too personal and at time it seemed too much for one person to bear. It was a pain so strong and devastating that it had changed her friend forever. As Lydia had said, in time she had found a way to live with it, to mourn and find the strength to carry on, but it never really left her. Alexis strongly hoped Leliana would find something and that she would be able to find the boy. What if she didn't? If there was no record, what then? Alexis didn't want to think about it and she really needed to be careful regarding what information she would pass on to her friend. Giving Lara false hope would destroy her.
She had witnessed Lara's agony. It had been so excruciating and overwhelming that Alexis had promised herself she would avoid being pregnant at any cost. She was a mage, no happiness could come from it, ever. She would carry her baby and it would be taken away from her the moment he entered the world.
This fear and conviction had pushed Alexis to learn everything she could to never find herself in that situation. And as abstinence wasn't her choice she had found other ways. Lydia had told of infusions that if taken properly would prevent the conceiving of a child. It was the main reason she had pushed her studies of herbalism. It reminded her that she had lost pretty much all her blends and balms with the destruction of Haven, contraceptive infusions and even the ointment she used for her scars. Not that the former had been of necessity for quite some time, nor was she planning on making use of it in the near future.
That's when inevitably Cullen came to her mind. His fine figure, his warm eyes, his enticing lips with that damn sexy scar. Trevelyan let out an exasperate sigh. Alright, part of her really wished for some kind of physical relief. A desire that was unlikely to reach any kind of fulfillment, so she tried really hard to forget about it and forget about the man causing it.
She focused back on the reports and the letters, a poor solution that would at least keep her mind busy. Once it would be done she would go out and find Bull Blackwall or Cassandra in order to hit something and let out at least part of her frustration.
Cullen was looking for the Inquisitor. He needed to keep her informed with the last disturbing news he had just received regarding the red Templars before she departed in the morning. He was now nearing the practice ground. One of his soldiers had told him she was there and he spotted her in the sparring ring. Dorian was facing her while Bull was leaning on the fence. The two mages were apparently fighting with magic only. Cullen wasn't always feeling at ease with that kind of training, but Dorian and Alexis knew how to handle themselves so he wasn't worried. Well at least until a giant burst of flames coming from the Tevinter mage sent a heat wave coursing throughout the place.
Startled by the sudden magical discharge, Cullen's eyes scanned frantically for Alexis as he nearly ran the last steps separating him from the sparring ring. His concerned was short lived as she emerged unscathed from the blast, having protecting herself with her own powers.
"Is it me or does it feel suddenly hot in here?" Dorian was looking particularly smug and self-content.
"That's why I hate Vints! Always have to brag about their tricks." Bull said to Trevelyan.
"Not so sure about that, I nearly had the time to catch a cold here." Saying so she shrugged off the last pieces of the ice that had covered her like an armor to protect herself from Dorian's spell.
"You both have no real appreciation for what was a flaming masterpiece." Dorian sounded falsely offended.
"All your fireballs are flaming masterpieces to you." Bull sneered.
"Absolutely true! I bring the art of putting men on fire to its peak!" Dorian said with a cocky grin.
Bull snorted and Alexis started to laugh. She had the hardest time to keep it in control, her shoulders shaking from her repressed laughter, tears in her eyes.
"Haha that's no great deed, I do that all the time and without magic." Bull said smirking to the Tevinter mage.
"So very sad. You have no idea what you're missing."
"Doesn't matter, I've got a long…"
"Boys! If you really are going to make those kinds of comparison, just drop the pants and be done with it!" Alexis cut Bull mid-sentence, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.
"Why? Are you offering to measure, Boss?" Bull said teasingly.
She rolled her eyes and that's when she heard someone clearing his throat to gather her attention. She turned around and saw Cullen. Such a great timing to have a bad mouth Trevelyan, she said to herself.
"Is everything alright Inquisitor?" He asked a brow arched as he looked at both Dorian and Bull.
"Yes Commander. Dorian and I were just practicing, no need for your Templar senses to go all tingling." She said in a jest.
"That was a rather big fireball for a training match." Cullen was still frowning, concern clear in his voice.
"You see, even the Commander is impressed by my big fireballs." Dorian said haughtily to Bull as he came to lean on the fence next to him.
Alexis had all the pain in the world to keep a straight face and even had to bite her lips to refrain herself from laughing.
"You see what I have to deal with?"
"I do. Anyway, I need to speak with you Inquisitor. I finally got the reports investigating the red Templars and I'd like to brief you personally on the matter before you leave tomorrow."
Cullen could see how hard it must be to keep things serious and focused on work with Bull and Dorian so openly teasing her and each other. Throwing Varric and Sera in the mix, he sometimes wondered how Trevelyan managed to achieve anything in the field with them. Yet it seemed to work, and well enough.
"Oh, yes sure. Just give me a minute."
The seriousness of his voice and of the topic were more than enough to dissipate her envy for laughter. Red Templars, Samson, she knew it was making the Commander edgy. It was making her nervous too, she had to admit. If they had news it was better not to postpone dealing with them. She walked to the other side of the sparring ring to gather her jacket and to freshen up a little. There were always water buckets for the soldiers training.
Cullen's eyes lingered on her as she walked away. Bull and Dorian had come closer in the process and, as Cullen didn't avert his eyes quickly enough from Trevelyan, the comments were quick to be thrown at him.
"Still drooling over the Boss's ass?"
"I don't drool over her…ass. Or any part of her whatsoever." Cullen said on the defensive to Iron Bull, unable to help the faint hints of a blush that came to his cheeks. He wasn't acting as crudely as the Qunari was saying. Sure he was just caught looking at her. And he might have stared a few times when he caught her sparring or training. How not to? To him she was gorgeous. Her body was toned, with muscles in just the right places. Yet it wasn't too much and she still had soft and pleasing curves. Off course it was tempting to stare just a little. Yet Cullen didn't like the fact that others might have seen him do so.
"Hey I don't judge! She does have a fine ass." The Qunari smirked.
"You could almost have us believe you, if it wasn't for that adorable blush on your face." Dorian added slyly. "So, tell us Commander, when do you finally plan on taking our dear Inquisitor to your bed?"
"Maker's breath." He rolled his eyes, realizing Dorian and Bull were clearly not going to drop it "That is highly inappropriate of you to say. And you two are seeing things. There is nothing going on between me and the Inquisitor, she is…"
"She is a terrible and hopeless woman when it comes to sweet feelings, as are you Commander. I am merely trying to help the both of you here. Otherwise I fear we'll all have to endure your not so discreet glances at each other for a loooong time." Dorian was faking being bored when instead he was having a really good time messing with the Commander. After all, where was the harm in helping a friend and having a little fun along the way?
Cullen was ready to once again dismiss Dorian and Bull's innuendos when Alexis walked back to them. She had roughly cleaned herself up, beads of water still running down her cheeks and neck. She had slipped her jacket on though she let it open, still revealing the very fitting top she always wore while training. He silently cursed the Qunari and the Tevinter mage. Their banter had done nothing but place thoughts of Alexis in his head. And now he was supposed to spend time alone with her, in his office, while she was looking way too appealing. He could be damned if all he wanted right now was to lick those pesky and tempting little drops of water running down her neck.
"Shall we go?"
Trevelyan smiled unaware of the thoughts he was having about her right now. Hopefully for him, otherwise he would die of embarrassment.
"Sure." He said, turning away and walking towards his office as she followed next to him.
"You can deny all you want Cullen, but the only one you're fooling is yourself." Dorian shot him in a singsong voice.
"What was that about?" Alexis asked, giving Dorian a quick glance from over her shoulder.
"Nothing" he muttered between his teeth.
He knew too well how he was fooling himself denying his feelings. They were there and for some time now Cullen had come to accept there was no escaping them. At least in the privacy of his mind, because he wasn't planning on acting on them. And the fact that some of Alexis' close friends and companions were aware they existed wasn't good. He would never escape his attraction for her or the feelings she stirred in him if someone like Dorian had decided to remind him of them. Worse, tell him that they might be mutual.
A/N : I know, I know, Bull and Dorian (and Alexis) are making crude comments and innuendos, again. But it seems I just can't get them to behave more properly in my head, so it's really their fault!
