The rest of the day was awful for both women. Arizona tried to dive in as many surgeries as she could since that was the only way she could focus on something other than Meredith. Although only Karev and Amelia were the ones who saw the fight between Arizona and Lauren, it seemed that somehow everybody knew by the end of the day. The surgeries were awkwardly quiet and nobody tried to make a conversation with Arizona that day. At least she could make the most of it and enjoyed the silence.
She went home and got herself under the covers to finally have a moment to cry it all out. Just like a movie, all of the memories of they together were passing by Arizona's eyes. Meredith's smile, her sweet voice, that soft way she has when she says 'I love you', the way she cuddles when they were watching a scary movie, the twinkling blue eyes that could smile by themselves. Meredith, entirely, was all that Arizona could think about. At the same time, she just felt her heart ache when she thought about the kids. Maybe happiness wasn't made for her anyway, but she could not risk putting those children out to the breakup consequences. It was horrible enough when she divorced Callie, having to build up a whole new world for Sofia. She wouldn't do that again. She wouldn't be able to cause any more pain to anyone.
She was truly hurt by what Meredith has said. Using Derek like that was a mean and heartless thing to do. On the inside, she felt guilty about everything: Callie's confession, Lauren obsession and her own unforgivable history that everyone seemed to remind her of all the time. Meredith didn't feel safe and protected from all of these ghosts and Arizona felt like that was her failure. But, even if that was true, she didn't deserve to be put like the second best thing after Derek, especially because she truly respected her dead friend.
Arizona's thoughts were interrupted by DeLuca knocking on her door. He waited for the blonde's response before opening it, and switch his usually smiley face by a worried one.
"Hey, did something happened?" – DeLuca asked.
"Just a hard day. What's up?" – Arizona replied, wiping her eyes.
"I was going to ask you if you want some Chinese? I ordered now and thought we could have some dinner" – he said, a little uncertain if he should ask what happened or just leave her alone.
"I'm not really hungry, DeLuca, but thank you, it was sweet of you to ask." – Arizona answered, trying not to cry again.
"Ok, I'll leave you some if you'd change your mind later" – he said with a cute smile and left the room, but just a few seconds later he came back. – "I'm here. If you need to talk to someone, I'm here. I just wanted to say that you're not alone, ok?"
"I know, I'm lucky to have you around. It's just that right now it's hurting too much to talk about, so I rather be alone for a while. Maybe tomorrow I'll ask you for that offer again" – Arizona couldn't help but give her roommate a slight smile.
He nodded and left the room and Arizona went back to her thoughts.
On the next morning, Arizona woke up with her phone buzzing with a new text. It was from Meredith. She second guessed if she should open it or not. She was dying to hear anything from her, but at the same time, she knew that a text wouldn't change the fact that they didn't belong to each other – or at least that was what Arizona believed.
She tried without succeeding: she couldn't start the day without seeing that text.
I know I was beyond wrong. I know you don't wanna see me right now. I'm so sorry, Arizona. I love you so much.
Arizona held her tears and erased it. They had such a little time together and already had that scene happened in the past. They say something, they regret it and they try to apologize. Sometimes, it's too late to be sorry, the damage is done.
Almost two weeks had passed now since they've broken up. Arizona tried her best to hide inside her office and Meredith was too afraid to reach out for Arizona and try to fix things. Amelia and Maggie were unsure of what they should do, they both knew that Meredith said something unforgivable but at the same time, they were sure that their sister was only too scared of another loss in her life. Fortunately, a patient that arrived on ER forced the two women to face each other again.
A 26-year-old pregnant woman suffered an accident, a massive car crash. She was already in 34 weeks of pregnancy and despite her extensive injuries, she was awake and all she could worry about was her baby. After Meredith and Maggie assure what were her injuries and how long they have until getting her into the OR, they've paged Arizona so she could check on the baby.
"Dr. Pierce, what do we got?" – Arizona asked, ignoring Meredith's presence in the exam room.
"Alana Adams, 26-year-old pregnant, car crash, liver, kidney, and lungs need surgery, but we need to check on the baby" – Maggie answered.
"Hello Alana, I'm Dr. Robbins and I'm going to check on you and your baby, ok? How far are you?" – Arizona asked.
"34 weeks. Please Dr., save my baby. If you have to choose, save my baby, please!" – the patient begged her.
"We're going to take care of both of you, ok? No choosing." – Arizona tried to calm her. – "Ok, I hear the heartbeat, strong and even. Your baby seems just fine, Alana. I'll need a CT to make sure she got no liquid in her abdomen and then you can take her to the OR, I'll scrub in just in case she gets into labor." – she told Pierce, who gave her back a sad look, noticing that she didn't even look at Meredith.
As she walked away from the exam room, Meredith followed her.
"Hey, can we talk? Please?" – Meredith said, grabbing Arizona's arm.
"No, we can't. We both have a pregnant woman with a baby to save" – Arizona said, without looking into Meredith's eyes.
"Arizona, please, this is killing me. We need to talk. We need to work it out!" – Meredith begged her, but the blonde just pulled out her arm and walked away.
In the surgery, things were more complicated than it seemed. The woman's injuries were way too severe and she didn't make it. Arizona headed in and managed to save the baby, a little girl who seemed strong enough to survive.
Even though a life was saved, the three surgeons felt like it was a major defeat. A newborn was brought to the world and wouldn't know her mother.
Arizona ran to her office and tried to rest a little bit. Alex knocked on the door and entered in sequence.
"Hey, do you have a minute?" – he asked Arizona.
"Sure."
"I just wanted to give you an update on the little girl. She's tough. I think she'll be fine within a day or so." – Alex said, smiling.
"Good. That's good, Alex. Thank you" – Arizona answered, with closed eyes, looking exhausted.
"I heard that you don't even wanna talk to Meredith. How badly did she screw up this time?" – Alex asked, sitting right next to her.
"Gosh, people talk so much in this hospital!" – Arizona complained.
"She's my friend too, you know that. But neither of you tell me what's going on!" – Alex stated.
"Well, we don't have anything to talk to each other. She thinks I'm a slut and that I'm not Derek, so, it pretty much sums up where we are now." – Arizona explained with bitterness.
"She doesn't think you're a slut, Arizona. I can guarantee you that! She's just jealous of Lauren!" – Alex exclaimed.
"That's not jealousy Alex. This is her, looking for a reason. A reason for us not working out and she will find it eventually because I am a person full of flaws. I'm always on the spotlight for flaws." – Arizona confessed, with a sad voice, almost crying.
"Why do you think she wants to find any reason?" – Alex asked.
"Because this thing we had, what we've found in each other, after everything we've been through, requires more than just love. Yes, we need love to build a foundation, but that's not enough. So we hold on to our fears and we try to look for any reason to call if off. And then, when we find it, it's not gonna look like it was our fault. Something else happened and we're off the hook, we don't have to fight for happiness anymore. That's what we do, all the time." – Arizona now was crying.
"Well, but if there's a pair in this world who knows about the difficulties of building anything, among all of these tragedies, it's you two. So get your shit together and fight this. Fight against your fear, hers. Show Meredith that maybe love itself it's not enough to keep this alive. But hell, fear isn't enough to end it too. Don't give up." – Alex said, hugging Arizona and comforting her.
'Thanks, Alex." – She thanked him.
"Yeah, anytime." – he answered, kissing the top of her head.
