A/N: Thanks to all whom reviewed! Here's the next chapter.

LOST: The Other Survivor

Chapter: 29

"My Memories"

I couldn't find Desmond. At all. He was gone along with Jin, Hurley, and Charlie. Claire told me they had ventured off to find food but I was confused why Dee didn't tell me. Why wouldn't he? I walked towards Jack and Juliet, avoiding Sawyer since we both felt uncomfortable after the pregnancy scare, and smiled.

"Hey." I said. Juliet looked scared and Jack looked pissed.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Listen, Juliet just told me something… a little upsetting." Jack said quietly. I looked at Juliet.

"I wasn't left behind. I was supposed to find out who was pregnant and mark their tents tomorrow tonight. Ben, uh, the guy that tortured you, would come and kidnap them." Juliet whispered. I felt betrayed.

"You- you work for him?" I growled and got into an offensive stance. Jack put his hand on my shoulder.

"She used to- she's- she's retired like you." Jack said. I looked at Jack confused.

"I'm retired? I thought you were kidding- I mean given our circumstances." I said, forgetting about Juliet. Jack was staring at me with wide eyes.

"No Ceal, I meant it…" He said in a gravelly voice. I frowned.

"I killed three people upon my escape." I said. Jack froze and looked like I'd punched him in his stomach. Juliet stiffened too.

"What?" I asked annoyed by their response.

"You- Ceal… you swore to me… You would never kill." Jack whispered. I looked up into his brown eyes in confusion.

"I have amnesia. I didn't remember." I said defensively. Jack was looking at me like I was some … demon… I was evil… I killed three people and I'm around people whom do not do that- who are not used to the darkness as I am… I must look like Lucifer's reincarnation.

"Ceal, just… go." Jack said, ordering me from his side. I felt panic strike through me- Jack- he couldn't hate me- he couldn't push me away…

"Jack- Why? What-?" I stuttered. Jack whirled to face me and glared.

"You swore to me, you wouldn't kill. You Swore." Jack growled.

"Jack, she has amnesia." Juliet said soothingly. I felt grateful to Juliet then. I didn't know why, but I couldn't- I couldn't deal with Jack being disappointed in me about this issue… and I didn't know why… I couldn't remember…

"I don't care! I thought you changed!" Jack yelled. I glared at him and felt anger pulse through me. I grabbed the front of Jack's shirt and yanked him down to my level. He shoved me off and that was it- the physical repulsion he expressed pushed me over the edge. I punched him as hard as I could. Jack gasped and held his face. Juliet shrieked.

"Ceal! Nng!" Jack groaned and held his left cheek. I glared at him.

"You're a goddamn traitor Jack! You self-righteous egotistical ass!" I growled. Jack's left cheek was already swelling, and a dark color was forming. He was staring at me in shock and anger. Juliet's hands were covering her mouth.

Jack suddenly grabbed my arm and yanked me with him towards the jungle.

"Jack! What're you doing?" Juliet asked. I was nervous- I felt bad for hitting him and something inside me felt horrified- like I'd sinned!

"Stay away Juliet! I need to talk to her myself!" Jack growled at Juliet. Juliet looked at me as if asking me if it was okay. I nodded numbly. Jack yanked me through the jungle for a good two minutes and his grip on my upper arm was so hard I knew bruises would form. He flung me in front of him and I stumbled.

"What?" I yelled as Jack just glared at me.

"Ceal, I'm done with you. I'm done watching out for you, I'm done caring for you. You're on your own." Jack hissed. I stared at him.

"Are you listening to yourself? You sound nothing like the Jack I met last morning! You're supposed to be someone I love? I care for? Bull shit! No wonder I picked Sawyer!" I was screaming the last part. Jack suddenly tensed and stepped closer- his face was inches from mine.

"You chose Sawyer because he's just like you. A horrible human being with no sympathy or empathy for others." Jack said, his voice venom. I stared at him in shock and felt like I got the breath punched out of me. Jack side stepped around me and walked back to the others. I fell to my knees and shuddered. I didn't know what I did wrong… I have no recollection or memory. But that promise I made Jack must have been… immense. Or he wouldn't have snapped.

I felt tears threatening, and tried to pinch myself so I wouldn't cry. I was pathetic. I needed to suck it up. So why did I feel like my heart was just trampled? I got to my feet and took a few deep breaths. I then turned and headed back to the beach.

I left the jungle's cold embrace and squinted into the sun. Jack was talking to Juliet and Sawyer was reading a book. I then saw something…

To the far side of the beach I saw Dee and Charlie carrying a woman. She was wearing a jumpsuit and looked hurt. Hurley and Jin followed close behind.

People immediately raced over to help. I kept my distance but watched. The woman's name was Naomi. Apparently she just landed on the island and she had with her a transmitter that could connect to a boat that was lingering just a few miles from the island. Sayid grew very happy and started to tinker with the radio while Jack and Juliet tried to help the woman with her injury.

Charlie looked… less Charlie like and Desmond and he were around each other a lot. Charlie began writing on a piece of paper and I wondered if it was a song he was writing. I stuck around Dee, Charlie, and Sayid.

"Can you call your people on your boat?" Sayid asked Naomi. She nodded but she couldn't do it. The reception was horrible and the French woman's signal was blocking it- as well as something that prevented the signal from being carried out. Sayid nodded and we talked about going out to change the signal and get in touch with the boat. Naomi said it was our only chance

"Ceal, Kate, Sawyer, I need your help with carrying the dynamite." Jack ordered. I perked up at the mention of my name and wondered why Jack called for my assistance, especially since we just had a pretty brutal fight. I reached Jack at the same time as Sawyer and Kate. Sawyer smiled down at me and I managed a grimace.

"Pack an empty back pack and meet me back here so we can go to the Black Rock and get the dynamite." Jack mumbled and kept his eyes from me. I followed Sawyer to his tent and recovered my back pack. We then walked back to Jack. Sawyer seemed quiet. Jack jutted his head towards a path that sloped up, and we were off. The jungle's green colors were bright and lively in the afternoon sun and unfortunately it was overly hot.

"It's going to be difficult to carry dynamite back…" I said to Jack but tried to make it sound like I was addressing everyone. Sawyer was behind me and Kate behind Sawyer.

"She's right, it'll be suicide." Kate called. Jack stopped.

"We'll be fine. The island… it doesn't want us dead. We just have to be careful." Jack said and panted wearily. Sawyer sighed and we resumed on.

We reached a stream and walked through it, refilled our water bottles, and rested for five minutes. It was awkward.

"How are you holding up?" Jack asked us.

"Fine." Kate said.

"Peachy." Sawyer muttered.

"Fine." I said and rubbed my ribs. I was still recovering from the beatings, and Jack knew this. But apparently he needed my help. Jack walked over to me and told me to raise my shirt. I then realized it wasn't just me and Jack that were tense- it was all of us…

"Yeah, you're still hurt." Jack said and I noticed his black eye was a shade of purple now.

"Why did you ask her to come, Jack?" Kate asked, her thick brown hair held up in a ponytail.

"I need her help." Jack said looking at Kate surprised. I was a little surprised too by Kate's hostility. I knew she wasn't fond of me, but my goodness.

"Why didn't you ask Juliet or Sayid?" She asked her eyes dark. Jack and I knew where this was going while Sawyer just sighed.

"Because Juliet needs to take care of Naomi and Sayid is working on the transmitter." Jack said with a frown. Kate was still frowning.

"I'm sure Sayid would take a few hours to help us with the dynamite." Kate said. Sawyer stood and turned to Kate.

"Freckles, what are ya gettin' at?" Sawyer asked. Kate looked down then sighed.

"Nothing." She muttered.

"No, Kate, please. Tell me what the hell you're getting at?" Jack asked, probably fed up with all the drama. Kate glared at Jack.

"You can't stand being away from Ceal for more than five minutes and you're willing to drag her along while she's injured into the jungle, just so you can keep tabs on her! It's not right Jack!" Kate said angrily. I stared at her. Okay, I seriously doubted she cared that much for my wellbeing, but then… maybe she did want to be friends.

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm the only doctor that can help her! I took her with me because I can make sure she doesn't get an infection!" Jack yelled back. Kate glared.

"She's fine Jack! She's healing and doing better! So why are you dragging her out here? Why?" Kate yelled. Sawyer looked down at me with raised eyebrows.

"This is better than a soap opera." Sawyer whispered. I was really just shocked at how everything was exploding- the tensions got too high and now everyone was exploding with stress, rage, jealousy, and anxiousness.

"Kate, Jack hates me. Very much. I'm here to help is all. Now let's move on." I interjected. Kate stared at Jack and suddenly Sawyer was curious.

"Ya hate Smiley?" Sawyer asked Jack, clearly looking protective.

"Yeah, he made it pretty f-cking clear some hours ago." I growled. Jack stared at me. Sawyer looked annoyed and Kate looked pissed.

"What?" Kate asked Jack. Jack growled annoyed.

"Let's go. We don't have time for this!" Jack growled. I felt myself tense up and the stress built up ever more. We trudged on and Sawyer kept at my side.

The Black Rock

The Black Rock was in fact a ship and I hadn't been there before but apparently the others had. No one had talked since Jack growled at Kate that he wasn't going to talk about it anymore and we had all remained silent the rest of the trip. Once inside the ship we found a man named Richard. He apparently wanted to die and Jack had to talk him out of his death wish. Kate, Sawyer, and myself stayed outside while they talked.

"I don't remember anything. I don't know why you're pissed at me Kate, so why don't you tell me so we can all be friends again and move on?" I asked, I seriously wanted to move on. Kate bit her lower lip and then sighed.

"Ceal… I'm sorry. Let's just start over okay?" Kate asked. I nodded and she stuck her hand out. I accepted it and we shook on it.

"Alrighty! We're all good friends again!" Sawyer drawled. I chuckled.

"You said Jack made it clear he hated you- what did he say?" Kate asked curiously. I sighed.

"I- he basically said I was a horrible human being with no empathy or sympathy for others and that he was done with me." I said. Sawyer approached me and kissed my forehead.

"Jackass is stressed is all. He don't mean that." Sawyer said smoothly. Kate was staring at me.

"That… geez, that doesn't even sound like Jack." Kate said. Suddenly Jack and Richard approached us. Richard went off somewhere and we all walked into the ship (which was in the middle of the jungle) to get the dynamite.

We reached the lower deck areas and slowly put dynamite into our back packs. We then headed back to the beach. It was getting dark and we had to tread extremely lightly.

"Hey Ceal, do you remember anything else?" Kate asked. I shook my head.

"So far I only remember Charlie." I explained. Kate sighed.

"I'm sorry. That has to be hard…" Kate whispered. I sighed and nodded.

"Yeah, it makes things harder." I admitted. We walked along in silence until we reached the beach and Jack told people that we were all getting up early tomorrow to leave the beach. His plan was to hide dynamite in the tents with marks so we could kill the Others. At first I thought Jack was a little bit of a hypocrite, but then I guess it was… different if I killed. Cause I killed… many people.

I had my shit packed up and I walked to Dee.

"You ready?" I asked him, referring to tomorrow. Dee hesitated.

"I need to activate a switch… it's under water. But I got to do this sister, because there's a signal blocking the transmitter from receiving or reaching out to any boat.… It's in a dharma station… I'm going with Charlie." Dee said but he looked very… different.

"Okay, I'm going with you." I said.

"No. I'm going with Charlie alone. You need to go with Jack to the higher altitudes. Me and Charlie will be close behind ye." Dee said. I frowned.

"Okay… But you better be careful, and protect Charlie. He's just a duckie." I said.

"I heard that!" Charlie called from his tent with Claire. I laughed. I guess the plan was set. People were marking the tents and setting up the dynamite as well as packing. Jack wanted to select three shooters to stay behind which turned out to be Bernard, Jin, and Sayid. I was shocked I wasn't selected. Insulted rather, but then the larger group leaving needed a protector.

I went to sleep by Dee and Charlie that night.

The next morning

I woke up and sighed wearily. My wounds throbbed and my amnesia was still in place. I put my back pack on and tied my hair into a pony tail. Jack told us to say bye to the people staying behind since we had to get as far away as possible.

I bid good bye to Sayid, Jin, Bernard (though we never conversed) and they bid good bye to me. We were sure we'd see each other again. I walked up to Dee and Charlie. I hugged Dee.

"Careful now. Protect Charlie." I said. Dee nodded stiffly and I couldn't put my finger on it but something felt… weird. I turned to Charlie who hugged me tightly.

"I love ya mate." Charlie whispered. I smiled at the endearment.

"I love you too, Charlie. Be safe okay?" I said and punched his arm playfully.

"I will. Don't worry about me alright?" Charlie said. I was a little confused but nodded.

"Right." I chuckled. I waved bye to them and couldn't shake a sad feeling. Charlie was smiling and waving like… we weren't going to see each other again. I grit my teeth- sure I was overreacting, and joined the larger group.

We set off- Jack was in the lead and I took up the back with Hurley and Sawyer.

"Did that good-bye with Charlie seem weird?" Hurley asked as we trudged through the side of the jungle, along the coast side. We were headed up hill. I nodded.

"Yeah, it actually did. He's probably just nervous…" I said. Hurley nodded. As we walked along, we barely stopped to rest. We were walking slow, so… But I couldn't help but feel worried. I was worried about Dee and Charlie. We reached some hills that weren't covered with trees and looked back. We were far from our campsite now. The sun was now setting, though it was still a little high up.

"Smiley, here." Sawyer handed me a mango. I accepted it and smiled.

"Thanks Sawyer." I said. He grimaced. I looked at him confused.

"Ya don't remember ma real name, do ya?" He asked lowly. I glared.

"It's called amnesia." I retorted. Sawyer scowled at me.

"I know what it's called! Just- when ya remember, call me ma real name an' I'll know yer back to normal." Sawyer said. I frowned at him.

"Okay." I said quietly. He kissed my cheek. I stared at him surprised.

"I love ya." He whispered, a small blush on his cheeks. I felt my heart quicken and smiled at him.

"Oh…" I said brightly. Sawyer smirked.

Later

We were too far to hear the explosions on the beach but when we looked back we saw two go off out of three.

"Where is the third one?" Rose asked, her voice thick with concern.

"Maybe they didn't need to set it off." Jack mused. People started chattering with worry and confusion.

"I'm goin' back." Sawyer suddenly said. I stared at him.

"No. We have to keep going." Jack said.

"I ain't leavin' them back there to die." Sawyer growled. Jack hesitated.

"You don't have guns." Jack said quietly. Juliet stepped forward.

"I know where there's a stash. I'll go too." Juliet said. Jack nodded slowly.

"Be careful." He said but looking at Juliet.

"I'm going too." I said and stepped over to Sawyer.

"No." Both Sawyer and Juliet said.

"Excuse me?" I asked feeling annoyed.

"Smiley, ya need to stay here. Yer their only protector." Sawyer said and brushed some hair out of my face. Juliet nodded.

"You're still healing too." Jack said quietly. I looked back at Jack surprised.

"Stay." Sawyer whispered. I frowned and nodded.

"Okay… just… come back alive okay?" I asked quietly.

"You got it Smiley." Sawyer smiled. I smiled and watched him walk down the hillside with Juliet. I felt… worried… and strangely I was also sad that we weren't attached to the hip anymore.

I turned back and found we were moving again. I sighed wearily and walked on. I came into step with Claire and Kate since I was sure Hurley was ahead with Jack. The dark started to descend upon us and Jack told us all to camp out until we reached the radio tower where the French woman's radio broadcast was made.

I sat back from the group so I could watch over everyone- I was taking my job very seriously. After an hour, people started to settle down to sleep and I sat up to watch over them. I was close to Claire and Kate since I was fond of them, and I couldn't help but keep looking over at Jack who was watching people too.

Jack looked up at me and approached me.

"What do you want?" I asked and watched the people before me sleep. Jack kneeled next to me and sighed.

"Ceal, listen, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… been so… I was an asshole." Jack said and sat on his bum next to me. I rolled my eyes.

"I don't care. Leave me alone Jack." I said in a growl. Okay, so I was tired and hungry… I was very irritable so I guess Jack chose the wrong time to apologize.

"Ceal, please…" Jack pleaded. I looked at him finally and frowned.

"What? You clearly stated I was a horrible human being. What else could you possibly say, and or want to be my best friend for?" I asked annoyed. Jack gripped my arm and I jumped at the sudden hostility.

"Ceal, you don't remember- but you- we… we had a thing for each other too. You- have no idea what it feels like to lose… you to someone like… Sawyer." Jack said, his teeth grit, but his eyes tearing up. I looked at him surprised.

"I don't remember." I reminded him.

"I know… I'm sorry. I keep ruining things between us." Jack whispered and let go of me. I sighed and turned to him.

"I'm sorry I hit you." I whispered. He lightly felt his bruise and smiled sadly.

"I deserved it." He said. I sighed and looked back over the people.

"No. You didn't. I'm sorry." I said and suddenly the flashes started- I remembered Jack, Sawyer- James, Kate, Sayid… everyone. I groaned and shook my head.

"You okay?" Jack asked. I held my head and stared at him.

"J-Jack. I- I remember everything." I whispered. Jack smiled.

"You- really? You do?" He asked. I nodded and shook my head.

"Shit, I can't believe I killed the three people…" I whispered. Jack waved his hand, as if to wave it off.

"It- it doesn't matter! Ceal, you remember! That's great!" Jack smiled. I smiled and hugged him. Jack was warm against me and his arms strong around me. I pulled back just to have Jack stare at my lips but smile.

"Go to sleep Jack. I have to watch out for everyone." I said and patted his hand. Jack smiled and looked at me for a while. I sighed.

"Good night Ceal. I'm glad you're back…" Jack said and cupped my face in his hands. I looked at Jack and felt… happy. I liked Jack. Jack kissed my forehead and then let me go. He stood and went back to the front of the group. I huddled and watched him lay down. He was… sweet. He was really trying to get me to… be a good person… and he watched out for me. Before I knew it I was standing and walking over to Jack. I stopped however and thought of James.

"Don't… you love James…"I whispered to myself and turned back. I took a deep breath. I may remember everything again, but it doesn't mean it fixed my feelings. Thinking of Sawyer however did make me feel solid and sure of our relationship.

The next day

The night passed without incident but I was exhausted the next day. Kate and Claire made things easier for me by giving me food and helping me get water. I told them my memories were back and Kate asked if we were still friends. I said yes.

"We're almost there!" Jack called back to us. I was so relieved, I was going to have to take a nap. Kate, Claire, and myself all talked and smiled as we walked along and grew very close.

"Ah, where were you guys when I was in high school!" Claire moaned and shifted Aaron to her other hip. Kate and I laughed.

"High school. Jeez. I hated it." Kate groaned. I smiled. Claire and Kate looked at me expectantly.

"Oh, I never went to high school. I was training by then… and taught in a private facility." I said. They looked like the regret asking.

"So who is Black Mask?" Kate asked. I shrugged.

"He never took off his mask…" I said and stared off into the ground.

"You didn't hear anything?" Claire asked. I thought hard.

Flash Back

I punched the dummy hard and watched as Black Mask lit a cigarette. He was watching me.

"Sir?" I asked and bowed in greeting him. He waved his hand and gestured for me to continue training. I did as told. I was nervous to train in front of him, but I also wanted to impress him. A man came running into the gym room which was all concrete and held weights, dummies and rock climbing walls. All of the best equipment. The man crossed the room- he wore a fine suit and whispered to Black Mask as he talked.

Just before the man in the suit left he whispered,

"Yes, of course Mr. Whitmore."

Black Mask stiffened, then pulled out a silver gun, and shot the man in the suit. I stood frozen staring at Black Mask.

"You did not hear that did you my dear?" Black Mask asked. I shook my head.

"No sir… I heard nothing." I said.

"Good." He said smoothly, then pulled out his cell to get someone down to clean up the mess.

End of Flashback

"… I guess I heard someone call him Mr. Whitmore once but… I don't know." I said. Claire and Kate shrugged and soon we reached our destination.

A/N: Oooh…. REVIEW!