Hello, my lovelies. Sorry for the delay, but I had an AP English project that was calling my name. Since the school year is almost over, my teachers are being total butt slugs and piling on the work. But don't worry, everything is alright now. The schedule should return back to normal, but if it doesn't, just know that I'm trying to get it done and will update as soon as I can. I will not give up on this story. That is a definite. Thank you for your patience. Enjoy the read :)
And thanks to my fantastic beta, HeronFrayWood, this chapter has been edited.
P.S. I was thinking about ending this story at 40 chapters. How does that sound? It may be more or less depending on some things, but let me know what you think.
Disclaimer: All TMI characters belong to Cassandra Clare :)
Chapter Songs:
**Silhouette by Aquilo (Scene 1)
**Pity Party by Melanie Martinez (Scene 2)
**Sweater Weather by The Neighborhood (Scene 3)
**Open Your Eyes by Bea Miller (Scene 4)
**Demons by Imagine Dragons (Scene 5)
It was their second weekend at the penthouse and late that Saturday night, Jace found himself sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. He'd woken up about a half hour ago, not able to drift back off to sleep because of his nightmares. He'd been so distracted for the past few weeks that he'd forgotten what was coming up. Sometimes when he was with Clary, everything else faded to the background. Nothing else mattered except for her. He could escape his problems when he was with her, but he couldn't escape his dreams, couldn't escape his thoughts.
It was all there: the yelling, the crying, the blood.
He was glad that Clary wasn't awake to see him like this. She had her own demons to deal with, she didn't deserve to be plagued with his. He knew that he was being an asshole by not telling her, but he'd convinced himself a while ago that it was for her own good. If he could get through next week without any problems, he'd be set. Similar to Clary, when his date rolled around, he either got extremely upset—where he shut everyone out—or he got extremely angry—where anyone who simply looked at him the wrong way could cause him to go on a rampage.
His friends already knew to be wary, but they didn't exactly know why. Even after all these years, he couldn't muster up the courage to tell them. To tell anyone. It happened before he met any of them so it made it easier to pretend. But he didn't want to pretend with Clary. Of course he wanted her to know about his past, but not now. Not when he was at the brink of insanity, not when she was just getting over the reminder of her own tragedy. But a part of him knew that he was just scared. Scared that she would think differently of him. That she would start looking at him like the therapists did, like his old friends did. It was a ridiculous thing to think, but he just felt . . . insecure.
Jace knew that it wouldn't change the way Clary felt about him, the same way her story hadn't changed the way he felt about her. But for some reason, he couldn't wrap his head around that. He'd been trying to tell her all week, but every time he opened his mouth, nothing came out. So he figured that he would just wait until the time was right, but that would only happen if he controlled himself long enough. He didn't want to lash out on anyone; he wanted things to be different this go around. Because this time, he had Clary and he didn't want to be that hot-tempered, violent guy in front of her. She deserved a hell of a lot better than that.
There was movement behind him. Removing his face from his hands, he turned his head and watched as Clary shifted a little, her arm reaching out blindly for him. But when her hand met nothing but soft sheets, she shot up with a panic.
"Jace?" she called out.
He immediately reached back to grab her hand. "I'm here, baby."
She let out a relieved breath and squeezed his hand before propping herself up to look at him. "What are you doing down there?"
Jace raked his free hand through his hair. "I'm just thinking, that's all."
Furrowing her brows, she scooted closer and let go of his hand, raising hers to his shoulder, probably noticing how tense he was. She sucked in a breath. "You're as stiff as a board. What's wrong?"
He wanted to tell her, but again, all that came out was, "I've just got . . . stuff on my mind. Can't sleep."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
His jaw clenched. "I can't," he whispered, his voice barely audible.
Clary's gaze softened at his words, those big green eyes boring into his. He knew that if she asked him anything right now that he would obey. Her fingers slid over his shoulder and up the side of his face, smoothing his hair out of his eyes.
She cupped his cheek. "Come here."
And just like that, he relaxed, his body moving without his knowledge. Releasing him, Clary scooted back up onto the bed until she was lying on her side again. Jace followed, his hand sliding up her bare leg. The skin was silky smooth under his fingertips, just as it always was. When he reached the hem of the shirt that she was wearing, which he'd been sporting earlier that day, he stopped, resting his hand on her hip.
Clary kept her gaze locked with his. "You know that you can tell me anything, right?"
He nodded. "I know."
She lifted her hand to his face, her thumb brushing along his jaw. "Then why can't you tell me what's been bothering you all week? You know I hate seeing you upset."
Jace's hand slid back down to her thigh as he traced random patterns into her creamy skin. "It's not that I don't want to tell you. I just can't physically get the words to come together. I've been trying to tell you all week, but every time I try, I come up with nothing."
"You don't need to rush with me, okay? Just like you waited until I was ready to let you in on my past, I'll wait until you're ready to let me in on yours." She gave him a small smile. "Either way, my feelings for you stand."
His gaze searched hers and he opened his mouth, trying to get something to come out. "You know how my parents have a shit marriage?"
Clary raised a brow. "Well, considering how hard your mom punched your dad in the face, I'd guess that it was pretty bad."
"Well, it wasn't always like that," he said. "They were happy once upon a time. At least, that was how I saw it."
"What changed things?" she asked tentatively.
He drew her in closer. "My dad."
"Did . . . something really bad happen?"
Jace nodded. "I can undoubtedly say that that night was the worst night of my life. I mean, it's nothing compared to what you went through, but—"
"Don't do that." She cupped his face in her hands. "It's not the events that matter, it's how they affect you. And I can see it on your face now that whatever happened is still haunting you." Leaning in, she rested her forehead against his. "You don't have to tell me all of the details until you're ready, but if I can do anything to help, just tell me," she whispered. "I'm yours for a reason, Jace. Let me be there for you like you were for me."
"I'll explain when all of this passes. If I start getting into it now, it'll only make me angry and I don't want to do something stupid like lash out at you."
"What do you usually do?"
He looked down, not able to meet her gaze while he spoke. "I usually get into fights," he said. "Something to diminish the anger a little, but I always feel like shit afterwards. But I don't want it to be that way this time. I want to prove to you that I can be better."
"Hey," Clary used her finger to tip his chin, forcing their eyes to meet again. "You have nothing to prove to me. I am with you no matter what. If it means that you'll get into a fight, I'll be there to hold you back. If it means that you'll have to break down in order to tell me, I'll be there to hold you. If it means that you want to be alone—well, you've got another thing coming, because I'm not leaving your side. Got it?"
God, she was bossy. With a grin, he kissed her lips. "Got it, Tiger."
She smiled. "I'm glad that's settled, because I put off kicking Kaelie's ass for this."
Jace wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned down so that his face was in the crook of her neck, buried in her strawberry scented hair. "There's always next week."
Her hands slid into hair, her fingers threading through the strands, causing him to forget about the conversation completely. And when her soft lips pressed against his cheek, he closed his eyes, the thoughts that were once plaguing his mind now smothered by a blanket of calm that only Clary could provide. He held her tighter.
"Could you do something for me?" he asked.
She didn't hesitate. "Anything."
He sighed. "Could you just . . . talk?"
"Talk? About what?"
"About anything," he said. "I just need something to distract me from my thoughts. If not, I'll be up all night."
She was silent for a moment. "How about a poem?"
"Is it long?" he asked.
Clary nodded. "Yes. My mother said it to Jon and I every night before bed."
He looked up at her, searching her eyes with his own. "Could you tell it to me?"
She touched her lips briefly to his. "Of course."
Returning to his original position in the crook of her neck, he shut his eyes again and released a sigh, waiting for her to start. He didn't care that he was being vulnerable right now; she had his full attention. She held him just as tightly as he held her, not having any idea how much she was helping him by the simple action. Then, after letting out a slow breath, she began to speak in a soft whisper.
"Cross my heart
and hope to die
stick a needle in my eye.
Wait a moment,
I spoke a lie.
I never really
wanted to die.
But if I may
and if I might,
my heart is open
for tonight.
Though my lips are sealed
and a promise is true,
I won't break my word,
my word to you."
Jace kept his eyes closed, reveling in the feeling of her fingers stroking the nape of his neck, her other hand still threaded in his hair. He already felt tired, but he wanted to wait until she was finished in order to drift off. For some reason, he felt like this poem had a deeper meaning.
"Cross my heart,
hope to die
stick a needle in my eye.
I loved you then,
I love you now.
I'll still love you
though I'll break my vow.
I can't hold this secret
any longer.
It's hurting you
not making you stronger.
You're my friend,
so I'll risk your respect.
By hurting you,
I can protect.
I'll save yourself
since you will not.
You might hate me,
but I'll give it a shot.
I'm willing to risk
our bond that we own,
so long as you're safe
you won't be alone."
His grip on consciousness was loosening by the second. He wasn't sure how long he'd be able to force himself to stay awake, because listening to her soft voice was like listening to ocean waves crashing onto the shore. But as she finished, he tried his best to keep listening.
"Cross my heart,
hope to die
stick a needle in my eye.
Break my promise,
tell a lie,
save my friend
though, maybe it's 'bye.'"
It could've just been his imagination, but he could've sworn that she got a little choked up at the last part. As if it wasn't just a poem anymore, as if she were trying to tell him something. He wanted to ask her if she was alright, but before he could do anything, his exhaustion took over, causing him to drift off into unconsciousness.
.o.O.o.
The minute that Clary stepped into Idris High Monday morning, she knew that something was off. And it wasn't just because Jace had her hand in a vice grip, it was the whispers, the stares. Not that she wasn't used to people looking at her and Jace like they were a mystery no one would ever solve, but today, it was a lot more than usual. It was as if they were waiting for something. What, Clary had no clue.
"What is up with everyone today?" Jace asked as they walked through the hall.
"There's probably some stupid rumor going around." She shrugged just as they reached her locker. "It's probably nothing." Her gaze drifted down to their clasped hands, then back up to him. "Are you okay?"
He leaned against the set of lockers, watching as she fiddled with her combination. "Not really, but I'm dealing with it."
She nodded, still not liking that he was shutting her out, but also understanding where his head was right now. After shutting her locker, she turned to him and lifted her hand to his cheek, ignoring all of the stares. "I wish I could make it better for you," she said.
His brows furrowed and he shook his head. "You are making it better. Just by being near me, you've made my stress levels lower a ton. I'm almost calm, and that never happens." He reached up and removed her hand from his face, lacing it with his until both of her hands were in his grasp. Then he raised one of her hands to his lips and kissed the back of it. "Trust me, baby, you're helping me more than anyone ever could right now. Never doubt the hold you have on me, okay? When we're together, my sole focus is on you. Nothing else."
She practically melted into him. "Do you really have to call me baby right now? You know what it does to me."
A small smirk slipped onto his face. "You get this sparkle in your eyes every time I say it," he said. "Sometimes I say it just to make sure that the spark is still there."
Clary wrapped her arms around his neck. "That spark isn't going anywhere, Jace. Only you can get that kind of reaction out of me."
He grinned. "Are you saying that I'm the only one for you, Tiger?"
She feigned indifference. "Maybe, maybe not."
"Hmmm," he hummed, turning them so that her back pressed against the lockers. "Well, I know for sure that I'm the only one who can do this," he leaned down and pressed his lips briefly to hers, kissing her slowly and sensually, "and I'm certain that I'm the only one who can touch this," one of his arms wrapped around her waist, his free hand gliding down to the small of her back and over her behind. She reflexively arched herself into him, causing him to smirk as he leaned back into her. "And I'm sure as hell the only one who can . . ." He paused, searching the halls before his lips met her ear. Clary's cheeks turned the color of a tomato at the words he whispered. And when he placed a tiny kiss to the place just behind her ear, she let out the quietest moan that was meant just for him.
"Jace," she whispered distractedly. "We're going to be late for class."
His gaze dropped to her lips and he bit his own. "Screw class."
With a grin, Clary grabbed a fistful of his hair, bringing his face closer to hers, but before their lips could meet, a loud voice rung out from behind them.
"Hey, lovebirds! We're going to be late for trig."
Jace's head fell dramatically against the lockers as he let out a frustrated groan. Then he turned his head, his body still pressed against hers, blocking her view. "Great timing, dude," he grumbled.
Jordan chuckled. "I'm just doing my part as your friend by saving you guys from getting detention."
Clary stepped out of Jace's grasp and ran a hand through her hair. "That's what I was trying to tell him."
Jace turned to her, his mouth dropping open. "You were just about to kiss me."
Jordan rolled his eyes. "You two can swap spit later." He turned, already knowing that Clary would jump onto his back. When she did, he turned back to Jace. "But for now, we have a class to attend, people."
She watched as Jace shoved his hands into his pockets and with a curse, he followed after them. "We're only doing a review session."
"So? How else are we going to pass the test?"
"I don't need to review," he said. "Once I learn something, it sticks. Forever."
"What does that mean?"
"Jace has an eidetic memory," she explained. "He doesn't forget." As she said the words, something hit her. Jace didn't forget. Which meant that whatever happened to him hadn't blurred over the years. He probably remembered every vivid detail. Clary couldn't imagine always having the memory of what happened to her parents fresh on her mind. It would drive her insane.
Jace glanced away for a moment. "It's both a blessing and a curse."
Clary sent him a worried look, but he only shook his head, telling her with his eyes that he was alright. For now.
Jordan turned to look at him. "I never knew that about you."
"I didn't know," he said. "Not until my mother told me. It was just how my mind always worked, I never knew that it was something like that." He sighed. "There's a lot of things you don't know about me, but it'll all make sense some day. I'm still trying to figure stuff out myself."
"A lot has changed in the past months. At first, all you had to worry about was winning our next football game, but now you're dodging terrorists and blowing up cars. Your life has become a freaking Mission Impossible movie." He cracked a grin. "Except, Clary is Tom Cruise and you're the damsel in distress."
Clary raised her hand, giving Jordan a high five. "Nice."
Jace glared at both of them. "Funny," he deadpanned.
"Well, if it makes you feel better, I guess you both could be Tom Cruise."
"This isn't Mission Impossible!"
Jordan held up a finger after hiking Clary further up his back. "But if it were, there could totally be two Tom Cruises."
Clary shook her head. "I think he gets it, Kyle." Turning, she reached out to Jace and ran her fingers along his cheek. His gaze fell on her, his golden eyes widening slightly. "Be nice," she said softly.
He sighed. "I'm trying."
She leaned her head against the back of Jordan's, her gaze still focused on him. She had no idea what the hell she was going to do about his anger, but she knew that she wasn't leaving his side. No matter what.
"You know, although some things are still confusing, knowing what I do now explains a lot," Jordan said.
"Like what?" Jace asked.
"Like why you two look at each other the way that you do," he explained. "Like you're each other's entire world. Like you'd kill for each other, die for each other. That's some intense shit for people our age, and I never understood the reason for it until now."
"You picked up all of that from one look?"
Jordan shrugged. "Clary and I have an understanding."
The late bell rang just as they turned down the hall, causing them all to curse.
"Carstairs is going to kill us," Jordan said.
Clary jumped off of his back and adjusted her clothes. "I've got us covered, boys."
Jace turned to her and raised a brow. Jordan stood next to him, the same exact look forming on his face as he crossed his arms.
"What did you have in mind?"
Clary held up a finger to silence them in order to focus. She was trained for situations like these. Keeping her gaze trained on her finger, she watched as it turned a pale, greenish color. Jace and Jordan's eyes widened, probably seeing that the rest of her was green also.
"Holy shit, Clary. Are you okay?" Jordan asked.
She managed a smile. "I'm a master of my own body, Kyle. I know what I'm doing. Now," she stepped forward and took both of their arms, wrapping them around her waist to make it look as if they were holding her up. "Pretend like I've just come down with something."
They just stared at her.
She rested her hands on their shoulders and scoffed. "Well, get moving."
Jace cracked a grin before joining Jordan in helping her along. "You're absolutely insane, Tiger."
Grinning, she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. "I know."
Jordan glanced at both of them, a shocked look still on his face. With one of his arms still wrapped around her waist, he reached out to turn the knob to the classroom door, muttering as he did.
"What did I get myself into?"
.o.O.o.
When lunchtime rolled around, Jace was pretty much ready to go home. His day had been going pretty well until he snapped at one of his teachers, causing his friends to realize what today was. They were used to it by now, seeing as though it happened once a year, but a part of him hated the fact that whenever he got like this, they stopped joking around, stopped calling him out when he said something sarcastic or smart-mouthed. They let him get away with anything and it drove him insane. He needed a distraction. The silence was only making it worse.
Not to mention that he hadn't seen Clary since this morning. She was the only one who wouldn't treat him like he was a ticking time bomb. She wouldn't ignore him; she would keep him talking so he wouldn't have to think. She would crack a joke or two, or call him an ass just to get him to smile or laugh. Because when he was with her, it was easier to cope.
He let out a sigh at the silence at his table. "You know you guys don't have to stop talking because of me."
"We know," Isabelle said quietly.
Jace shook his head. "Just because I'm having a shitty day, doesn't mean that you guys have to also."
"We didn't know if you were . . . okay or not," Alec said.
"I'm fine." He ran a hand through his hair. "Look, can we just pretend like today isn't 'that day' and joke around like we always do?"
Isabelle still looked nervous. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" She looked around at the rest of his friends. "We're all here for you, Jace."
"You know what?" Jace stood, slamming his apple onto his tray. "I can't do this."
Jordan sighed. "Dude—"
"No," Jace cut in. "You guys just don't get it, alright? No one does." He backed away from the table and cleared his throat. "I need to go cool off." And before anyone could retort, he turned on his heel and walked out of the cafeteria. If he stayed any longer, he would say some things that he didn't mean. He had half the mind to just skip the rest of school and hide out somewhere, but he knew that Clary would hunt him down. And he didn't want to worry her anymore than he was.
He'd made it to an empty hallway before he heard footsteps behind him. The person was running, but he ignored whoever it was and continued to trudge on.
"Jace!"
Letting out a sigh, he stopped and turned, seeing that Jordan was behind him. He shoved his hands into his pockets. "What?"
Jordan stopped in front of him and ran a hand over his face. "Look, I'm not going to stand here and pretend like I know what's going through your head, but you know Isabelle was just trying to help, right? We all are."
"I don't need help," he said defiantly. "I'm tired of people telling me that. All I need from you guys is a normal conversation. The sympathy is killing me."
"You should've said something." Jordan laughed. "I would've totally called you out for being a dick if that's what you wanted."
Jace cracked a grin. "That'd be great."
"Good," Jordan said. "Because you're being a major douche-canoe right now."
He raked a hand through his hair. "I know."
Jordan opened his mouth to speak again, but he was interrupted.
"Well, if it isn't Herondale. Just the man I was looking for."
Jace immediately tensed and whipped around to see four guys standing there in front of him. He knew the guy standing in front, but the rest of them didn't ring a bell.
"Is there a problem, Adam?" he asked, already getting annoyed.
"Actually, there is." Adam took a step forward, his friends following. "You screwed someone over that a friend of mine cares about. And since he isn't here to do anything about it, I'm doing it for him."
Jace stared at him. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Oh, didn't I mention. I'm friends with Kaelie's older brother." He grinned. "You know, the one in college. He's not happy about his little sister being humiliated by some asshole."
Jace rolled his eyes. "So, what, you're here to teach me a lesson?"
"Something like that." Adam clenched and unclenched his fists. "But I've been wanting some revenge ever since you hooked up with my girlfriend last year."
"Well, in that case, you should want revenge on the entire football team."
Jordan cursed under his breath behind him.
"Oh, I'm really going to enjoy kicking your ass."
Jace took a step towards him, not in the least bit intimidated. "I wouldn't test me right now. I've got a lot of pent up anger that's just waiting to be released on some douchebag's face."
"I think you're forgetting that there's four of us and one of you, and we're not exactly ones to play fair."
Ignoring him, Jace turned back to Jordan. "Find Clary," he said.
"W-Why?" He seemed worried, but not for his sake.
Jace turned back to face Adam until they were eye to eye. Then he took a look at his friends. "Because if you don't, I'll kill these guys."
There were a collection of scoffs.
Jordan sighed. "Just think about what you're doing, dude."
"Just find her," Jace grit out. "Fast."
Jordan cursed again and before he knew it, he was jogging back down the hall in search of his only source of calamity.
Jace scanned the four of them. "This is your last chance to walk away."
Adam laughed. "I think that's my line." Then he reared his fist back, attempting to punch him in the jaw, but before he made contact, Jace wrapped his hand around his fist.
A small smirk slipped onto his face.
"Big mistake, buddy."
.o.O.o.
Clary expected a lot of things to happen today, but being backed up against her locker by the cheer team wasn't one of them. All she wanted to do was get to the cafeteria so she could be with Jace, but Kaelie seemed to have a different idea. She could totally take them all out if she wanted to, but she'd been waiting for this confrontation for weeks now and she wasn't walking away until she made things clear.
Crossing her arms, Clary scanned the team before meeting Kaelie's hard gaze. "Can I help you, Barbie?"
Kaelie scoffed. "Listen here, Little Red, I don't know what Jace sees in you, but if you think for one second that he cares about you, you're wrong," she said. "You're nothing but a ploy to make me jealous."
"A six month ploy?" She raised a brow. "That's a little extensive don't you think?"
"Whatever," she flipped her dyed blonde hair over her shoulder and placed her hands on her hips. "I'm over him anyway. I've got college guys that want me. Who needs a boy when you can have a man?"
"Great," Clary attempted to brush past her. "Enjoy that statutory rape charge."
Kaelie blocked her path. "I'm not done with you yet."
Rolling her eyes, she said, "You're over him, right? So what do you want with me?"
"Jace made a fool of me when he ended things." She looked down at her nails. "And if he thinks he'll just get away with it, he's wrong."
That statement spiked her interest. "What are you talking about?" The bimbo better not have been thinking about messing with Jace, especially in the state he was now. But she didn't get an answer to that question, because at that moment, someone broke through the crowd of cheerleaders, causing them to squeal.
Clary glanced up to see a wide-eyed, semi-sweaty Jordan, looking as if he just ran a marathon. She furrowed her brows. "What's going on?"
He placed his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. "It's Jace," he said. "There's four guys from the wrestling team trying to jump him."
Her eyes widened and she turned to Kaelie, seeing a smug grin on the blonde's face. This girl was batshit crazy. "Are you insane!" she yelled.
Kaelie stumbled back a little from Clary's anger, but she didn't back down. "He's getting what he deserves. I loved him and he ripped my heart out!"
Without thinking, Clary reached out and grabbed her by the hair, yanking her down until they were face to face. Kaelie let out a painful squeak, but that didn't stop Clary from ramming her head into hers. And from the sickening crack that resonated afterward, she knew that damage had been done.
There were a collection of gasps and Kaelie let out a scream.
"You bitch!" She grabbed her face. "You broke my nose!"
Clary released her. "Be lucky that that's the only thing I broke." Pushing past her, she grabbed Jordan's arm and pulled him down the hall, leaving the rest of the team to console their leader. But that wasn't what her focus was on anymore.
"Where is he?" she asked.
"He's in that hallway near the gym."
"Damn it." That was on the other side of the school. She had to get to him. Quick.
Bursting into a sprint, she ran as fast as she could, dodging people and turning corners every once in a while. Jordan was right behind her, probably used to running like this from years of football. God, she should've known that Kaelie was up to something. Brushing it off as a stupid rumor had been a mistake.
As she neared the gym, she heard the voices of a crowd, causing her to run faster. People were chanting, howling, yelling. If it were any other day, she would've allowed him to kick their ass, but he didn't have his control today. He would do some serious damage if she didn't get to him in time.
When she turned the corner, she saw that the crowd was a lot larger than she thought it'd be. It was as if everyone ditched the cafeteria to watch. She was surprised that no teachers had stepped in to stop the madness, but then she remembered that this was their lunch break too. They were all probably locked away in their classrooms, not wanting any part of it.
As soon as Jordan caught up to her, he slung his arm over her shoulder, and together they pushed and shoved their way through the crowd. He was taller and could easily navigate his way through the sea of people, but Clary was stronger and a lot more determined. After seeing who it was trying to get through, most of the students moved out of the way, allowing her to get to the front. It kind of reminded her of Moses parting the Red Sea.
A loud gasp slipped past her lips at the scene in front her. Three guys were laid out on the floor, bruises covering their exposed skin. One guy had a bloody nose, one was holding their stomach like a lifeline, and one was knocked out cold. Clary's gaze snapped over to Jace, watching as he slammed the last guy into a set of lockers, the sound echoing throughout the hall. Her eyes widened at the look in his eyes. There was nothing. The rest of him screamed that he was angry, but his eyes . . . they held absolutely no emotion, which only meant one thing. He'd blacked out. He wasn't there anymore and would probably end up hating himself for losing control if she didn't stop him now.
"Jace!" she tried to yell over the noise.
Nothing.
"Jace, stop!" she tried again.
Nothing.
Not paying anyone any mind, he continued to punch the guy in the face. Everyone continued to cheer, as if this were an MMA tournament—as if they weren't about to witness someone's death if this went on for any longer.
Somehow, the guy was able to wiggle out of Jace's grasp and attempted to throw a punch of his own to even the odds, but he was unsuccessful. There was finally some distance between them and Clary knew that this was her only chance.
She turned to Jordan. "I'll take Jace, you handle the other one."
He nodded. "I hope this works."
After quickly throwing her hair up into a knot, she let out a breath and charged towards Jace just as he was about to go after the guy again. She had no idea if what she was about to do would work, but it was worth a shot.
Jumping up, Clary wrapped her legs around his waist and buried her hands into his hair. And without a warning, she crashed her lips to his. He was extremely tense under her, his lips hesitating to move with hers. She pressed harder, ignoring the catcalls that they were getting. She thought for sure that it wouldn't work, but after a moment, he slowly came to, his hands going to her thighs. And soon, his lips were parting, allowing her to deepen the kiss. Clary kissed him until his muscles relaxed, until he held her as tightly as she was holding him, until he opened himself up to her completely. Once he did, she broke the kiss.
Grasping his face in her hands, she forced his gaze to meet hers. "Do you see me?" she asked.
He nodded. "Yes, I see you."
Resting her head on his shoulder, she let out a relieved breath and threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tight. "Thank God."
One of Jace's hands stroked the length of her back, his head going to the crook of her neck. "Is it bad?" he whispered.
She shook her head. "You kicked their asses pretty well, but they'll be okay." She was just glad that he didn't have a scratch on him.
"I don't know what happened," he said. "They came out of nowhere, and I just had so much anger in me that I took the bait." He removed his head from her neck and gripped her hips, letting her down and raking a hand through his hair. "I should've been stronger and walked away."
"Hey," she turned his face back towards her. "You did nothing wrong. Last time I checked, it wasn't a crime to defend yourself."
He glanced around at the damage he'd inflicted. "I think I went a little past defending myself, don't you think."
Clary didn't even look at them. "They brought this on themselves, Jace. Besides, I think they kind of deserved the beating they got for trying to jump you."
Jace sighed again. "I just feel like I'm falling back into my old habits, and I don't want to be that person for you."
"It's just this day," she said. "You're still the same person, you're just going through something right now. Would you consider me weak just because of that night I spent crying in your arms?"
He immediately shook his head. "Of course not."
She lifted her hand to his cheek. "Exactly. One day won't change the way I see you. You're not an angry, violent guy that can't control his temper. You're a gentle, sweet guy that makes me feel like I'm on top of the world most days. When I tell you I love you, I don't mean simply in that moment, I mean forever." Pulling him down to her, she pressed her lips to his. "Whether you like it or not, you're stuck with me, Jace. So just quit arguing and say 'okay, baby' like you always do. Then we'll go home and talk about whatever you want."
To her surprise, a small smile crept onto his face at her words. His hands slipped to her waist and he pulled her the rest of the way to him, giving her a chaste kiss. "Okay, baby."
Clary chanced a glance behind her, seeing that Jordan had the situation handled. He'd gotten to guy to take seat on the floor. She had the undeniable urge to finish the guy off for what he tried to do to Jace. What if he hadn't been trained? What if they'd actually hurt him? She hated the thought.
After giving Jordan a small nod of appreciation, she turned back to Jace and cupped his cheeks, meeting his gaze once again.
"Let's go home."
.o.O.o.
Later that day, Jace found himself in the same position he'd been in that night at the penthouse. His arms were wrapped tightly around Clary, his face buried in the crook of her neck. They'd both changed into something more comfortable, Clary simply taking his shirt as he changed into a pair of sweatpants. She held him to her, one of her legs thrown over his side as if she couldn't get close enough. Reaching down, Jace grabbed her thigh, pulling her the rest of the way to him. She sighed and ran her fingers through his hair, kissing his temple. That pretty much did him in and before he could stop them, the words tumbled out of his mouth.
"It was my dad," he said.
"Jace," she whispered, removing his head from her neck and cupping his cheek. "You don't have to do this."
He shook his head. "I'm tired of bottling everything up. I want this feeling to go away, and the only way that'll happen is if I open up."
Her wide green eyes peered at him, a prideful look in them. "Okay," she leaned in to kiss him. "I'm here."
Sighing, he reached up, lacing their fingers together. She gave him a squeeze just before he began. "Some of this may be hard to hear, but it's the truth. My life wasn't as perfect as I allowed people to believe. In all seriousness, it was anything but until you came along." Her breath caught, but that did nothing to stop him. Shutting his eyes, he forced the next words to leave his mouth. "He hurt her, Clary. He hurt her so damn bad."
"Your mom?" she asked.
He nodded.
"Did he . . . hit her?"
Jace's eyes opened immediately. "No," he said, quicker than he probably should've. "I would've killed the bastard if he'd done that."
She wrapped her arms around his neck and sighed. "What happened, Jace?"
His jaw clenched. "He . . . slept with another woman." Her grip on him tightened, but she didn't say anything. He took that as a sign to continue. "My mom had to take an unexpected business trip one weekend, leaving me alone with my father. I hated the idea, seeing as though he was always working and wouldn't make time for me like my mother always had, but I'd swallowed my pride and figured that I would just hang out at a friends for the weekend. That was probably my first mistake."
Clary kissed his cheek, causing him to relax a little.
"I left on Saturday afternoon, wanting to get out of there as fast as I could. My friend's house was in walking distance, but I practically ran to the front door. I hadn't known why, but my father seemed relieved that I would be gone, that both of us would be gone. He hadn't had the house to himself in forever, so I guess he decided to take advantage of that, but little did the bastard know, that wasn't the last time I'd be home that day."
He took in a deep breath. "My friend was a pianist, and knowing that I had a guitar, he wanted us to collaborate on some song that he liked. I didn't mind, but my guitar was still at home. I told him I would grab it really quick and run back, since my house was just down the road. Getting that guitar was my second mistake. As soon as I walked through those doors, all I smelled was alcohol and sweat. I assumed my dad had a friend over until I heard the sound of a woman moaning in the living room. And I might've been ten at the time, but I wasn't stupid, I knew what it was."
"You saw them?" she asked.
He hesitantly nodded. "I walked in to see my dad screwing some twenty year old temp on the couch. He was too drunk to notice that I was there until the woman screamed, and not in a good way. Words couldn't describe how angry I was. I saw the way my mom looked at him, and I knew that it would crush her to find out. My dad looked like a deer in headlights when he saw me, but he didn't look in the least bit sorry or guilty. He only yelled at me to get out, so I did. I didn't got straight to my friend's house, though. I just kind of wandered the streets."
She looked worried. "Alone?"
He gave her a reassuring smile and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I was fine, Tiger."
Nodding, she leaned her forehead against his. "What happened after that?"
"Well, I ended up staying over my friends house for the night. On Sunday, I had no interest in going back home, but I didn't want to keep secrets from my mother. She always told me that she hated lying. So, I decided that I would tell her before my father got to convince her otherwise. She came back late in the afternoon and she seemed a little sad for some reason, but I ignored that and decided to tell her everything anyway. Ignoring her mood was my third mistake."
He was going into deeper territory now. This was the part that he hated talking about. The part that caused him to be scarred for life.
"As soon as she got home, I told her that we needed to talk. I told her everything from the booze my father drowned himself in to the woman he was having an affair with. She didn't question whether or not I was lying because she knew that I wasn't a liar. Never was, never will be. But my father, he lied his ass off, saying things like 'the kid has an active imagination' and 'you can't really believe that I would do that to you.' But my mom believed me, I could tell by the broken look on her face. And the scary part was, she didn't even get angry with Stephen, she hadn't said a word. She just turned her back on both of us and went up the stairs."
Clary held him tighter, whispering sweet nothings to keep him going.
He swallowed hoarsely. "My dad yelled at me for what felt like hours. He told me that it was no place for me to tell my mother what I saw. He said that what happened was a mistake, that he loved my mother more than anything, but I wasn't buying it. I had some choice words for him that night, but I did feel bad about springing it on her like that, so I decided to apologize. It didn't take long to get to their room, but it was really quiet, too quiet. You'd think that she would be crying or something, but she wasn't. She wasn't even in the bedroom."
"Jace . . ." Clary whispered, her tone full of sadness. "You don't have to go on if you don't want to."
"I have to," he said. "I need to get this out." He reached up to take her hand again. "The bathroom door was locked, so I knocked on the door to get her to come out. She didn't answer, even when I shouted her name, and I was starting to get worried. After seeing that there was no other option, I broke the door down, but I couldn't have prepared myself for what I saw." He squeezed her hand, barely able to get the next words out.
"She'd . . . cut herself—her wrists. God, there was so much blood. I was just a kid. I didn't know what to do and it made me feel so . . . useless. And as much as I hated him at that moment, I yelled for my dad. He must have noticed that something was off because he was in the bathroom in a matter of seconds, yelling at me to go get towels and to call an ambulance. I did as he said, but I couldn't take my eyes off of my mom. She looked so pale and lifeless. And knowing that she'd done this to herself because of what I told her made me hate myself."
"You can't blame yourself," Clary told him.
He shook his head. "It was my fault, I shouldn't have told her when she already looked upset. She struggled with depression for a long time, but I was too angry with my father to take her mental health into consideration. I made so many mistakes that weekend, but looking at her like that was my breaking point. That night changed everything for me. It was the last time I cried, the last time my father showed emotion, and the last time that I allowed anyone to get too close to me. My mom ended up forgiving my father for what he did, but their marriage was never the same. My father turned into the robot that he is now, and my mother's depression got worse. I pretended that everything was alright even if I knew that it wasn't. I cared about both of my parents and I wanted them to be happy, but they were poison to each other. So I put up with my dad's bullshit and whatever else for my mother's sake. I'd just put on a façade so people wouldn't see how fucked up I was on the inside."
"If I didn't hate your father before, I do now. How could your mother stay with him after that?"
Jace shrugged. "She loved him. People do crazy things for love."
She sighed. "I hate that you had to go through all of that."
He closed his eyes. "I'm okay now," he said. "You've changed things for me. I'm no longer afraid to let someone in; I no longer see love as destruction."
A small smile tugged at her lips. "Thank you for letting me in," she said. "It means a lot."
He kissed the tip of her nose. "Anytime, Tiger."
She seemed deep in thought about something, causing him to furrow his brows.
"What's wrong?"
"What day did all of this happen on?"
Jace sat up to look down at her. "April twelfth. Why?"
Her face went pale. "That . . . that was the day of my parents' funeral. But that was s—"
"Seven years ago," Jace finished, connecting the dots. His eyes widened. "Are sure that it was April twelfth?"
She nodded. "One-hundred percent."
"Holy shit," he breathed, his mind racing.
"Well, that explains why she was so upset," Clary said. "I didn't see her there, but I was pretty messed up back then. I'd spent most of that day with my head buried in Jon's chest. Seeing their caskets being lowered into the ground almost broke me, and I imagine not being able to say goodbye to her best friend broke Celine too. I mean, imagine losing the one person that you've been through everything with, the one person that you couldn't live without."
Images of losing Clary started flashing through his mind. She was the only thing besides gravity that was holding him here right now. Without her, he'd have no purpose, he'd be left with nothing. As those thoughts crossed his mind, he imagined that those same thoughts had been flashing through his mother's mind that night. It wasn't because of his father, if wasn't because of what he'd told her, it was the fact that she lost someone that meant everything to her. And telling her what he did only pushed her over the edge.
"Holy shit," he repeated. This changed everything. He'd believed all these years that it was simply his father's doings that caused things to spiral out of control that night, but that was only a part of it.
It wasn't my fault, Jace thought.
"Our lives are a lot more connected than I thought," Clary said.
He turned back to her. "This is huge. I've blamed my dad for years, but now that I know what I do, it all makes a lot more sense. After seven goddamn years, I finally have some closure." His hands rose to cup her face and a wide grin tugged at his lips despite everything else. "You are fucking incredible."
Her eyes brightened. "Really?"
"Yes, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. I hate that my mom got so upset that she wanted to end her own life, but now that I put the pieces together, I completely understand. If I lost you, I'd probably do something reckless too—nothing as extreme, but I wouldn't handle it well, especially if someone piled more bad news on top of it."
"So, you're okay?"
Jace leaned in to kiss her. "More than okay. Thank you for making everything clearer. And knowing now that my mother is better off without him makes me feel like things are finally starting to look up. I mean, have you seen her lately? She's practically glowing these days."
"She looks like she did in that picture. The one she took with my mother," Clary said. "Like she's actually happy now."
"I'm proud of her," Jace commended. "I know that she'll probably never stop loving my father, but she knows now that being with him was only bringing her down."
She smiled. "I think so, too."
There was a knock on the door and Jace immediately sat up, his hands slipping from her face. "Come in," he said.
The door slowly creaked open and Celine came in, her phone clutched in her hand. "Jordan called to check up on you. Said you got into a fight."
He rubbed a hand over his face. "Yeah, I did, but Clary calmed me down."
Celine looked over at her. "Does she know?"
Jace nodded. "Just told her today." Clary came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, her hands splaying over his abdomen.
"It was because of the funeral, wasn't it?" she asked.
Celine stared at her for a moment and then slowly nodded. "I'd gotten the phone call earlier in the week. Jocelyn was like a sister to me, and I'd already lost my family once, but having it happen again . . . the pain was too much to bear. Then hearing about what Stephen had done made it feel like my world was crashing down. I kept having flashbacks of my family's death and Jocelyn's smile, her laugh. There was so much going on in my head and I just wanted it to stop." She ran a hand through her hair. "I should've told you the entire story, but that would've involved telling you about Jocelyn, how I knew her, and what I was." She sighed. "If I could take back what I did, I would. I never wanted to leave you, I was just in a really bad place. I hope you can forgive me."
Jace stared at her, dumfounded. She wanted him to forgive her? That was ridiculous. He should be the one asking for forgiveness. Ever since that night, he'd turned into a complete asshole. The irony of it all made him smile and shake his head. "Come here, Mom."
Crossing her arms, she made her way over to the bed and took a seat next to him. Clary immediately unwrapped her arms from around him and moved to Celine's side.
Jace looked over at his mother. "There's nothing to forgive you for. I won't lie and say that that night didn't scar me for life, but I understand a lot now. I think having Dad here was a lot worse, and as much as we love him, he's not good for either of us."
She nodded. "I know. There's just something wrong with him. He's . . . changed."
"You don't need him," he said. "You have me to lean on now."
"And me," Clary added, leaning her head on his mother's shoulder. "I haven't had a mother figure in years, and I know that you wouldn't want me to compare you to Jocelyn, but over these past months, you truly have become a second mother to me."
Celine sucked in a breath. "I have?"
Clary grabbed her hand. "Of course," she said seriously. Her gaze softened. "I love you, Celine."
His mother's eyes began to water and she pulled Clary into a hug, squeezing her tight. "I love you, too, sweetie." When she pulled away, she tucked a piece of Clary's hair behind her ear and smiled. "Oh yeah, I forgot to ask you this earlier, but what were you planning on doing for your birthday?"
Jace's attention snapped to his girlfriend. "Your birthday is coming up?"
She smiled brightly at him. "Yeah, this Saturday."
He stared at her. "When were you going to tell me?"
"Saturday," she said simply, as if her birthday wasn't a big deal.
He chuckled. "Why so late?"
"So you wouldn't buy or surprise me with anything. It's just like any other day, Jace."
A small smirk tugged at his lips. "Well, it's too late now, Tiger. Prepare to be swept off your feet."
She simply rolled her eyes, but he wasn't kidding. He was going to go all out for her big day. He wanted it to be a birthday she'd never forget, not one that she'd just brush off as another day. Thoughts were already forming in his head, causing him to grin.
Chuckling, he stretched his arm across both of their backs, his hand wrapping around Clary's waist. He pulled them both into him, holding them there for a moment. These were two women that he couldn't imagine living his life without. They were absolutely amazing. His dad was a fucking idiot for giving this up. Pulling them in tighter, he pressed his lips to the top of his mother's head and squeezed Clary's hip.
"Where would I be without you two?" he asked.
Clary snorted. "You'd probably be a man-whore who couldn't fight for shit."
Celine giggled. "Sounds about right."
Jace scoffed. "It was a rhetorical question. Besides, is that any way to treat the man of the house?"
"Oh, please." His mother lifted her head from his shoulder and raised a brow. "Does it look like we need a 'man of the house'?"
He looked between the two of them, seeing fire in both of their eyes. He immediately held his hands out in surrender. "I guess not."
They smiled in satisfaction.
Celine stood and winked at him. "I'm going to start dinner. I'll call up when it's finished."
He nodded. "Thanks, Mom."
As she soon as she left, Clary grinned and moved to straddle his hips. Jace grabbed hers, his fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt. Grabbing a fistful of his hair, she smashed her lips to his, her other hand traveling over his exposed chest. His hands slid down in search of one of his favorite parts of her. Once they landed on her ass, he groaned and gave it a small squeeze. She giggled into his mouth and gently pushed him back. He fell onto his mattress, Clary hovering above him. Her hair tumbled around them, causing him to forget about everything but her.
When they parted, he dropped his mouth to her creamy neck. One of his hands slid over her underwear and up her naked back, his fingers curling around her hip. She moaned this time and he forced himself to stop, not wanting it to go too far while his mother was right downstairs.
"Baby . . ." he murmured lazily against her lips, feeling her shiver when he did.
She grasped his face. "I know. We got a little carried away."
He dropped his head back and let out a breath. "So, about your birthday . . ."
"Jace," she groaned.
"I'm serious, Clary. This is huge. Nothing you say will change my mind. I'm getting you something and I'm going to make that day worth remembering, even if we just lie in bed all day, I'll find a way to make it special," he said.
She smiled. "Fine, but nothing big, okay?"
He smirked, kissing her one last time.
"No promises, Tiger."
What did you think?
Love it? Hate it?
Let me know!
A/N: Isn't vulnerable Jace cute? And how awesome was that headbutt? Kaelie totally deserved it, am I right? What did you think of Jace's story? Do you hate Stephen even more now? I kind of do. And hello, Clary's b-day is coming up! What do you think Jace has planned for the redhead? *wink* *wink* Anyway, a lot of questions to consider, but how about we throw in one more,
Question: What character in this story are you most like? I'd have to say Jordan for me. I have a wicked and unique sense of humor.
