Kai: Hey guys ^^ okay this is probably going to be a long long chapter o.o oh god -.- so glad... it's spring break... even though I had to clean the whole house... and damnit I wanna play dragon age D: I finished it but I want to start all over from 1 to awakening to 2. Awe well. Got to at least get a chapter in. This one is going to be in first person out of experimentation and because Lia is telling the story. So here we go ^^

Chapter 26: The Past

I open my eyes to the first day of my memories, I see darkness. Have you wondered how you simply just know who your mother or father is because you grew up around them? I didn't have that; I grew up simply knowing what I was going to be. The first memory I had was not of a mother's warmth, it was stinging sensation that coursed through your body and burned into your soul. I did not hear the joyous motherly sounds one would hear.

I heard crooked laughter.

I did not know warmth and comfort, I only knew of pain.

The first memory I could ever remember was when I was five. I looked up at the man I was following, he was the man I knew the longest or recognized at least. He had taken me out of that everlasting darkness that I had been held up in for so long.

I had been expecting a punch, a kick, more laughter but he had brought me out of the open today. What for I wonder? As we walked along the dark alley, I had looked around. All I saw was stone wall and more darkness. The sky was dark and musky, almost like it would rain but at the time I did not know what that was. The outside world didn't seem so different from the dark place though...

My ragged silver hair and my worn and torn clothes felt hard and heavy against my small body, the stone covered ground felt cool against my bare feet and the strange cold blowing in the air hit against my form and cooled my dirty and bruised face.

We entered a big run down building, a color gleaming out from the windows. It was the color of blood though lighter. I knew what blood was but not the color red but these lights had a lighter version of bloods color.

When we entered, I saw a lot people, all kinds really. There were children of my size, teenagers, adults, all sorts really. It was hard to see them really, they all seemed like skinny shadows as the blood color flamed out, and it was bright. The man, my master, grabbed the color of my shirt, dragging over to the light, it got hotter and hotter. It was a bit scary for me because I have never experienced this strange heat.

Then I saw flames... fire.

It was actually quite pretty. The most beautiful thing I had seen in my starting lifetime, but of course beauty at times comes with a price. My master took a metal pole with numbers at the end of it, though unlike the steel colored pole, the numbers grew a even a brighter and lighter red, orangey and heated like the fire. I watched as that familiar smirk crossed across his face and he ripped off my worn and torn shirt, leaving my upper body bare.

At first, this had felt normal; it wasn't unusual since it happened frequently. Then came the agonizing pain.

I yelped and cried out as the burning metal pressed against my chest and instinctively tried to get away but my master held me in place and punched me against the face. He said if I didn't hold still he would hurt me again... I didn't want him to do that again... it really hurt... So I simply cried and whimpered in pain as my skin burned into the shape of the numbers.

1050

~three years later~

I was nine now and had been passed between different masters, some women, some men. Everyone wanted something and if I didn't do it, I'd get hurt. So I had learned to do whatever my master wanted, because your master is the most important thing. They knew more and they saw more and they held the power. That is the meaning of a slave. You serve and care only for you master, not knowing anything else.

I had learned all sorts of skills now, I had learn how to run, how to scale buildings with ease and how to jump as well as how to fight. Though with my age, fighting would do me no good so my great skill was thievery.

After plenty of times being passed around, I had ended up with a master who did not only thief, but killed. Though he said I would not kill just yet and would steal a prized necklace that belonged to a business man called Senior Riol Diagla. I didn't care, it seemed normal after all.

So I snucked into the building at night, going through the smallest cracks and hiding into the shadows I could get into. I had found the necklace in a glass case; hidden lasers were most likely around it. I carefully took out a little spray bottle and sprayed it about, the invisible red lines appearing. I knew mixing together carbortrated acid with behemoth saliva along with phosphate and a dash of carbon helphifacate and traficirium would due just the trick.

I had learned quite a bit through my masters and I had studied on my own, often sneaking and reading books and testing out experiments and also tinkering with some mechanics. I made my way through the lasers, taking it smooth and steady as I worked my body through it. When I got there, I carefully cut a circle into the glass then swiped the necklace, replacing it with a rock that would approximately be the same weight. I made my way out but I found out that there were guards blocking my way out.

So I went up to the roof as quickly as I could, though I hadn't noticed how stormy it was till I got up on the roof, the building was quite tall after all. Thunder roared and lightning crashed against the sky. I really didn't think of it and I ran across the roof, determined to get away with ease. But I learned to be careful with lightning... like fire, it was beautiful yet deadly. Except lightning scarred me for life. The lightning striked out, hitting against my body, the electricity shot through my body, my eyes dilated, my body spazzed with the flow, and my hair stood up and blew up.

It felt strange really, it was in an instant yet the after effects lasted. I fell to the ground, my body spazzing out from the rush and shock. I couldn't feel my body and I felt like I couldn't even manage to take a breath and I felt paralyzed. I struggled to reach into my small bag I had with me and take out a Hi-Potion and tried to drink the gooey like substance, the taste wasn't all that great but it did help. I coughed and hacked as my body still spazzed but it lessened.

Then I kept having black outs, I couldn't feel my body, but I knew, I had to get away now. Then the thunder roared again and my eyes widened and my teeth clenched and I let out curdled scream and a I scrambled to my feet and stumbled into a run though I fell off the building, landing into a dumpster. I layed there... trembling and shaking from the sound of the thunder and the sight of the lightning, afraid that I would feel that feeling again when it hit me. So I buried myself further into the garbage, deeper and deeper till I was at the bottom and trembled and sobbed.

That was how I gained my fear of thunder and lightning.

Eventually, after about two days of hiding, I returned to my master and gave him the necklace. He was not pleased how I was late so he punished me. He drew a knife along my skin to create scars and he let them infect and fester.

I then learned to kill. To be an assassin. My first kill was a woman, my master had told me to go to her house and pretend to be a lost little girl, then when I was close enough, I'd slit her throat.

So I did. It was my master's order.

I went to her house, in my usual get up and softly knocked on the door of the woman's house. This woman lived in a pretty nice house in Bodhum with the green grass and a white house with a red roof. It wasn't the biggest but it was homey.

When the red oak door opened, a woman appeared. She had shoulder lengthen brown hair with green eyes and was about 5'6. She wore a crème colored turtleneck and a red skirt along with a gold bracelet and a pretty gold chained necklace with a light blue crystal. She had white creamy skin and well kept fingernails. She was quite pretty and a bit... like what a mother should look like right?

The woman gasped in surprise at the sight of me. "Oh dear what happened to you? You look so... dirty and all bruised." she said, her voice filled with kindness and concern. It wasn't anything I heard before. I was so use to hearing hard rugged voices that could kill but this... this scared me a bit. Such an unknown thing...

"Um... sorry to bother you miss... I was just hoping I could ask for a glass of water you could spare?" I asked softly, a bit intimidated.

The woman smiled softly towards me and nodded. "Why of course dear... come in come in you must be so thirsty." she said, leading me into the house. It wasn't as fancy as some places I stolen from but it was nice to me. It had a bage carpet with the living room on the right, the kitchen on the left and a hallway foreword that must lead to the bathroom and bedroom. The living room contained a black leather couch with a white cloth over it with a brown coffee table in the front. It had a red rug with black and green colors as patterns. There was a plasma screen TV hanging on the wall, must be about 55 inch.

There were some pictures on the walls and the ceiling had that weird texture that looked bumpy and crusty with sparkles covering it.

I looked around for a long moment till I heard the woman's voice speak up. "Have a seat anywhere you like dear." she said cheerfully as she fluttered around the kitchen. I watched a bit curiously as I looked around the place again. It just seemed so strange really. So I took my place on the couch, it felt nice. Much better than the hard cold floor after all but yet it just felt so weird to me. It's was probably because I had adapted and grew up in darkness and floors and my masters doing whatever they pleased with me.

The woman soon came towards me and set down a plate of food and a glass of water. I looked at it skeptically and examined it. It was spaghetti with parmagon cheese sprinkled on top of it. I was curious then looked at the woman who smiled and nodded. I then took the food in my hand and started eating though the woman took my hand then placed a fork in it. I blinked a bit as she motioned me on how to use it. So I twisted the fork in the spaghetti and ate. One way to learn manners.

She also made me take a bath. I've never seen so much water, nor soap. I didn't use too much really; I liked my layer of dirt.

Afterwards, we sat on the couch and asked me questions like where I was from or where I lived. I told her that I lived in Bodhum and I lived with my sister, a simple lie of course. If she found out where I really lived, I'd probably get into trouble. She said she would get a hold of my sister in the morning and in the mean time I could stay the night at her place.

She let me rest on the couch since she only had one bedroom but it was good enough for someone like me. When she went to bed and that was when I took my knife. The reason my master wanted her dead was because her husband had failed to pay back a debt a long time ago and so now, her life was a warning. I walked through the hall, searching for the woman's bedroom.

I finally found it, and saw the woman lying in bed. I crept closer to her, slowly and yet steadily. I wanted this to be quick, but just in case I grabbed a mask from my bag and put it on, it was a regular ski mask. I took the knife in my hand firmly as I stood beside the bed and watched the woman sleep, breathing softly in her rest. I silently gulped and raised the knife in my hand then brought it down right into the woman's neck. I listened to a gurgling sound instead of silence, I must of not of done it right. I wanted to make it quick and painless.

Instead I heard the sounds of someone dying for the first time.

I listened to the gurgling sound and some choking breaths and the smell of the familiar rusty smell of blood about made my heart ache. I panicked then and took the knife out of the woman's throat and drove it into her chest repeatedly, trying to kill her as quickly as possible. I watched those emerald green eyes gaze blankly up at me then slowly dim, till they were lifeless and she let out her last breath.

My body trembled as I saw the blood on my hands and all over me and I was sure my face had blood on it also. It was one thing when it was my own blood... but feeling someone else's...

Is how to kill any source of innocence of a child in one's soul.

~six years later~

After that first kill, many more came, it had became easier and easier as I became colder and colder like a good slave to its master. I was fifteen and my skills were up to date. When my body had grown more womanly, my assassinations got a bit more interesting. I dated plenty, each when we were having intercourse, I would kill them swiftly. I didn't even care about leading them on a false love or letting them do as they pleased with my body, I use to but that died. I had learned that it was better to be the cold emotionless slave like I was born for. It made things easier to take in.

I had gotten use to being soaked in blood or any breath of dying if I failed to kill them swiftly. It all seemed normal and a part of me. Till I met Aliria.

I had looked at my master as her gave me my new mission. He said he wanted me to go and get close to a girl named Aliria, she was the daughter of a business man and wouldn't it be funny for her to get close to someone she trusts, only to end up getting backstabbed then raid all the money in the house.

I didn't find it too much of a big deal. It was a normal thing on a mission for me to get close to someone and then kill them. No big deal.

So I went out into the city of Bodhum, walking the streets. According to the research I did on her, she should have been walking around her on one of her trips to the grocery store. I accidently crashed into someone, accidently knocking that person over and having me stumbling backwards and almost falling over as well. I blinked a bit in surprise then gazed down at a beautiful girl around my age with golden brown hair and emerald eyes. She wore a light blue blouse and dark blue jeans.

I blinked then held out my hand. "I'm so sorry. Are you hurt?" I asked, giving a fake concerned look. I really haven't learned how to care or anything.

I watched as the beautiful girl gazed up at me and gave a smile, taking my hand and pulling herself up. Her delicate hand was quite soft and smooth and it just made someone want to hold it forever. The girl looked at me with a tilted head then smiled.

"Oh yes I'm fine... don't apologize I should of watched where I was going.." she said softly as her eyes locked with mine, full of curiosity as she examined my ill civilized form.

I raised an eyebrow at her with a bit of interest as the girl patted down her clothes then gave another energetic smile. "Hey would you like some coffee or something? To make up bumping into you like that?" the girl said as I thought on it.

Though I found it strange how she was friendly with me, it didn't seem too much out of the ordinary as some people. I didn't know why though, but I was attracted to her, drawn in instantly. I was supposed to do my mission but a drink wouldn't hurt right? Not like she got things for free without stealing them or sleeping with people. So why not?

"Sure, that sounds nice." I said with one of my friendly and charming smiles then I watched as she gazed at me for a long moment, having a hint of red in her cheeks but it quickly disappeared with that warm smile again.

"Great! Come on I know just the place." the girl said as she motioned me to follow then walked along the sidewalk gracefully. I followed her just and smoothly and so silent, you would have to listen very carefully in an empty area to hear them.

After all, it had become a habit of walking silently and habits were hard to break.

After about a block, we reached a small little cafe called 'Choco Station' and it wasn't all that big or fascinating. It was quite just plain and normal. I had looked at it curiously as I followed the girl inside and looked around. It had wooden board floors with small granite top tables and bar counter. Paintings of Chocobo's and Moogles were decorated on the walls while the scent of fresh ground coffee scented the air.

The girl had gotten us a two sitter table and we sat from across one another. She ordered a triple Grande mocha with two pump peppermint, two pump white chocolate, caramel sauce, along with Choco dust with no whip. It was quite an order to remember and she said it so clear and normal speed, that the poor waitress had a hard time writing it all down. This girl apparently, liked complicated and sweet coffee. I never really cared for coffee, beer, and wine, none of it. So I just ordered a Pepsi, which earned me a glance from the girl though she simply smiled.

When the waitress left, the girl started asking questions, mostly of things about me but not where I lived.

"So what do you like to do?" the girl asked curiously.

I instantly answered, having answered this question plenty of times and had plenty of practice. "Oh I just enjoy hanging around really. I don't do a lot after all." I shrugged and watched her carefully as she watched me with interest.

She then smiled. "Well I enjoy painting... mostly of nature really... like birds... birds are always pretty to draw... maybe butterflies." she said with a slight giggle.

I raised a curious eyebrow at her. "Why?" I asked, tilting my head a bit. Wondering why anyone would want to focus their time and energy on birds or butterflies.

She smiled a bit in amusement at me which just made me give a mental snort. "Well... I love their beauty... and yet how sad it is... after all birds have beauty but they aren't treated the best. And butterflies have such a small lifespan and some are killed sooner... I find drawing the story through a creature's life is worth any beauty. Even a little acorn to a tree. Everything has a meaning." she said.

I continued to look at her curiously, hiding any trace of doubt. What came with beauty were also the ugly. I've seen ugly and beauty but she just seemed to see beauty on a whole different level. Usually I'd blow it off and just call her an idiot but something just made me more curious about her and her ideas. I listened as she talked about her opinions on cherishing life and how the Maker will always watch over us what she has taught and all that good stuff. I have never heard of the Maker.

Some sort of Fal'Cie? No she was creator of them so she was an all and powerful being who created them all? Strange. She had so many interesting theories that I had eventually lost my ability to hold back some of my intellect.

"How could there be a Maker? How could someone or something ever create any of us or the Fal'Cie no less? Has anyone even seen her?" I asked, resting my head on the back of my upright hand while sipping my Pepsi.

The girl shook her head with a soft smile. "No one other then the Fal'Cie. They say she had left this world a long time ago after creating all the Fal'Cie." she said.

I looked at her skeptically. "If so... why is the Maker let suffering go around. After all, the Sanctum isn't all that nice." I admitted as I noted to myself, in also self realization, that they might have known about the slave trade and simply haven't done anything about it. Why? Because they are too busy being paranoid about people being an l'cie.

The girl seemed to ponder that for a moment. "Where there is good, there has to be bad. Where there is bad, there has to be good. Even with a horrible life, something good will happen. And if you didn't have bad, you couldn't enjoy the good. Plus we can't just go relying on her to fix all our problems, we have to rely on ourselves and those you care for." she explained then took a sip of her well mixed coffee.

I pondered at the thought and silently agreed to it. After all, she couldn't be too scientifically. It felt a bit nice that maybe someone had been watching over her, though that thought she quickly shook off. She could not be weakened at this point.

"You're quite clever." the girl noted, watching as I focused my attention on her again. "I can tell... it's just the way you say things I guess. Is there any other hobbies you enjoy?" she asked me and I thought for a moment.

Normally, I would never tell anyone this because I thought of it as an embarrassment, but I told her of some inventions I created or any ideas I came up with. She watched and listened, even encouraging it and found it fascinating. Anyone else wouldn't have given a damn but she did. After that we just started talking about a whole bunch of things. School, oh I would have wanted to try it out at least once but according to her, I'd just be bored stiff.

We talked about PSICOM or how life was like, or even about the funniest things we've seen. Of course with mine, I didn't find my funny moment funny till I actually thought about them.

Time had passed so much that it was nightfall and the cafe was closing. We stood and went out and I asked her for her name. Her reply simply was, "Just call my Ally..." and then smiled at me. She then showed me her home... which was just a little apartment, no big deal. We then both agreed that we see each other again; I saw no harm in it.

The next day I had went out to search for this Aliria girl but when I reached her house, I didn't find her. Apparently she had been either kidnapped or had just ran away. Oh well, she would mostly return soon enough and so I went back to Ally's place.

A few months went by and I had started to see a change in myself. I had stopped thinking of ways to kill someone the fastest and silently, to be replaced with thoughts of Ally and all sorts of questions about life she had inserted. I had found myself smiling for real and laughing with the sounds of joy.

Eventually... love happened.

I had just kissed her while we were sitting on her couch. It just felt natural and it was a great need I had felt for awhile and I just couldn't take anymore. Unlike other kisses, this one felt... so wonderful and I didn't feel like it was just... something normal or common... it was like the Maker came down and bestowed me the medal of honor herself.

She kissed me back and admitted that she loved me. I had looked at her skeptically and wondered to myself. Was this what the real love I've heard about so much feel like? Was it not just a fairy tale or a gag? Or was it just lust? But I had found myself saying those three special words... that made me jitter all over with pleasure.

I love you...

After that, kissing continued. Kissing led to touching, and touching led to making out, and making out led to even more touching, and the even more touching led to...well... no one really needs to hear about that.

All of it had felt like a dream... it was like I was high on cloud nine. I loved her so much. I loved her laugh... I loved her eyes... I loved her smile... I loved how she really did care about me and never used me... but I didn't realize it till it was too late.

That was when love hurts.

One day, we had gone for a walk together, taking a shortcut through an alley to get to the park she always loved going. Till my master stepped into view and I had stopped and stared in horror.

"Well well... I see you have been doing your job... good work my pet." he smirked that crooked one with those eyes gleaming in the dark.

Ally blinked a bit and gazed at me with worry and concern. "Lia?" she asked softly with the name she had chosen for me after I told her that I didn't have one. She also calls me a cute little nickname she gave me. It was either Li or Li-Li.

I stared in horror then forced myself into a calm composure. "What do you mean...?" I asked as I resisted calling him master. Something inside me, something that Ally had freed, didn't want to be a slave anymore.

My master laughed in amusement as if I was a stupid animal. "Why, that would be Aliria Cotrice your hanging around so much. Your target." he said with a snicker at the look on my face and Aliria's.

My eyes widened and I gazed at her with confusion. "Aliria?" I asked... though I researched her, I never looked at her picture and now that I thought about it, the description fits. Maybe I just didn't want to believe it.

Aliria then sighed and smiled at her and caressed my cheek. "Yes... I'm sorry I didn't tell you... it's just... I knew... who you were... by those numbers. You were sent to kill me but... I couldn't help to try and show you some kindness and... I really did fall for you." she whispered to me as my body trembled with realization and horror.

The Master seemed to be annoyed now as his voice grew harsh. "1050... I command you to kill her." he ordered.

On impulse I took my knife out after his orders but I tried and shake off the years of slave habits, tried to resist the order. I did not want to kill her and my body trembled with shock and despair as my eyes widened and my pupils dilated.

I then felt Aliria take my right hand, the one with the knife. I looked at her and saw her smile then shake her head slowly.

"Shhh... Lia... It's okay... don't be scared or sad or confused... I knew... I knew this was going to happen... I did... father couldn't protect me forever... I knew... that man would just be stubborn and he might kill father... I can't let that happen. So please... it's okay... go ahead... I won't be mad I promise..." Aliria said softly, watching as my eyes stared at her and I felt my eyes tremble and warm liquid ball up against my eyelids. I shook my head. There was no way... not after all this... the pain in my heart... was the worst thing I had ever felt in my lifetime.

"Just do me... one favor... Cut my heart out... and bury it in a place I've always dreamed of being but could never get to... do it for me? I know it's hard shhh be strong my love... oh my dear Lia... I'm so sorry... So sorry to cause this much suffering... I love you forever... don't forget me..." Aliria whispered to me as she wrapped her arms around me.

I listened as my heart just seemed to sink lower and lower even through the pit of my stomach. Then my eyes widened as my master repeated the order.

"Kill her."

Then I did... again on impulse...

My knife had found her neck and I had sliced through it clean and I stared in horror as her body slumped in my arms and her head rolled off her body. I stopped breathing as my eyes stared at the sight in horror. I fell to my knees as tears started rolling down my eyes. Why... why... why did this hurt so much... didn't love make you happy? Why did something so great... have to come with something so horrible?

My master laughed a bit. "Good work 1050... Let's get going now, you have a lot more work to do." he said then turned his back and started walking off.

It felt like an eternity... forever... I could feel my heartbeat beating ever so slowly, but the one I loved would never beat again... The shock and horror grew to rage and I stood, turning around and glared at my master through tear filled eyes and I did something I would have never thought of before. I rushed out and stabbed my knife into that man so many times... that you could hardly recognize him anymore when I was done.

Once my anger was depleted, I went back over to my love and held the body close to me for a long moment... I knew that I would have to leave... two dead bodies would not be a pretty sight but the thought crossed my mind that I deserved to go to jail and be executed for such crimes and to just confess all the wrongs I did, all the lives I took, all those loved ones I took and they had to experience this! But Aliria... I had to keep that wish... then maybe... I'd make it up to her somehow then... I would come back for her...

So... I drew my knife into her chest, cutting it open and softly cut out her heart. I examined it for a moment, my lover's blood all over me like all those others, yet this blood burned my skin till my own blood boiled from the heat. I put her heart into my pocket then stood, my tears never stopping. I stared down at her one last time and then I ran... I ran like the coward I was.

After that... I ran into Andraste. She was a bit like Aliria... she was so full of innocence and light... she saved me that day. I didn't make it very far and I just was ready to take my own life but Andraste had convinced me that everything would be fine. That if I did feel sorry, that I would learn to change for the better, be reborn as a better person and do good deeds to make up the bad. But I never kicked that thieving habit, but I never killed again after that. Andraste had saved me that day and had shown me the light.

She had me meet Al, the father of the current bartender Al, though the old Al was a blacksmith and he taught me everything that is to know about blacksmithing in five years. Or at least as much as he could till he died. Since that time I did my best to shape who I am today and I stole the airship and traveled all around and explored, having the adventure I never had and I lived life as far as I could. I saw things that I never saw before.

I saw the ocean, Gran Pulse, forests, mountains all sorts of places and wonderful things. Do you know how beautiful the stars are without all these lights? That is why I am so dedicated to Andy... she saved me and let me experience all of this.

But that never stopped the aching in my heart. Because unlike the body, the heart will never heal and will leave a nasty scar. My heart is covered with scars as well as my body.

But that day... that day was the biggest one...

That is my story.