Title: Hold My Hand
Author: Shadow Arashi
Fandom: Bleach
Pairing: Ichigo x Grimmjow
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 954
Summary: "I'll tell you exactly why I'm so wary of actually committing to Ichigo for good. You better listen because I won't say it again."
Warnings: Romance, boylove, angst, mention of mpreg.
Disclaimer: Bleach and its characters belong to Tite Kubo. I own nothing and am doing this for entertainment only and don't make any profit of it.

.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.

.

In retrospect, it probably wasn't the smartest thing to let the cat of the bag in such a way.

No really, Renji should have known better than to just blurt out he didn't thrust the arrancar with his best friend's feelings, Ichigo thought darkly.

Ichigo winced as Grimmjow actually flinched, before the feline hollow glared at Renji with a fire he hadn't seen since the War, his whole body tensing like a beast about to pounce on its prey.

"And it didn't cross your mind that maybe, I had good reasons for acting the way I am? Contrary to popular belief, I'm not leading Ichigo on!" The arrancar yelled, eyes flashing.

Grimmjow was now panting lightly and shaking, to Ichigo's shock. Renji looked just as stunned as Ichigo, visibly having not expected the former Espada to take the bait and react so strongly.

"But if you insist, then fine." Grimmjow said more calmly, his lips curling in a snarl "I'll tell you exactly why I'm so wary of actually committing to Ichigo for good. You better listen because I won't say it again."

"You don't have to-"

Ichigo started, trying to pacify his lover, only to be cut short by the blue haired former Espada.

"Don't. If I don't do this now, I never will." Grimmjow said, looking as if he would rather be anywhere else. "The reason why I'm still holding back on you... is because I already lost everything once because of the shinigami and I won't stand for it again."

"What do you mean?" Ichigo asked, his expression turning into one of concern and hurt when he saw his lover crumble and back away from him suddenly as he was afraid of being hit.

The panther arrancar threw a lost look at his lover before he took a shaking breath.

"Ichigo, did it ever cross your mind that maybe I had a life with a family before Aizen?"

Ichigo's mouth fell opened, a stunned look on his face. Of all the things Grimmjow could have been hiding... he hadn't expected that. Suddenly Ichigo was faced with the fact that... he knew next to nothing about the life of his lover. And he didn't like the sour feeling it left in the back of his throat.

Shaking himself out of his stupor and ignoring Renji's shocked gasp, Ichigo grabbed Grimmjow's hand and squeezed it lightly.

"I-"

"I had a mate before I joined Aizen, you know." Grimmjow cut him off, his voice surprisingly low and soft. "You kinda remind me of him actually. He was a great mate, always trying to look out for me. He even gave me a litter. 3 beautiful little cubs. Do you know what having little ones mean for a hollow?"

The panther finally raised his head and the wounded look in the electric blue eyes tore at Ichigo's heart as surely as Pantera did the first time he met his blue haired lover.

Grimmjow's hand curled unconsciously on his stomach as he continued on, and suddenly Ichigo felt sick with understanding. The shocked silence he received from the two voices in the back of his mind only confirmed what he was afraid of.

"Children are very rare in Hueco Mundo," Grimmjow continued, "and losing a cub is the worst thing that can ever happen to an arrancar. I gave birth to only one litter and I lost them all, along with my mate, when the shinigami invaded Hueco Mundo a few years before the Aizen fiasco."

The feline arrancar's arm tightened protectively around his stomach, his eyes never leaving the two shinigami in front of him.

And in spite of the broken look in his eyes and his curled posture, the blue haired male still had a steel like resolve about him that had Ichigo gaze at him in a whole new light. For he had never seen such a resolve before in the arrancar, not even during their fights back among the ruins of Las Noches.

Ichigo stood mutely for a few minutes, still reeling from what he had just learned. Of all the scenarios he had thought of to justify Grimmjow's reluctance, he had never expected such a tragedy. He had been aware that his lover had some heavy emotional baggage, but nothing could have prepared him for this.

However, what he also did understand immediately was that this was the breakthrough he had been waiting for. Now that things were finally out in the open, they would be able to clear the last of the bad blood between them and move on.

"Grimmjow you..." Ichigo's voice choked on his words, his eyes blurring as he pulled the blue haired arrancar into a fierce hug, barely aware of Renji discreetly leaving the room and closely the door gently behind him.

Grimmjow slowly returned the embrace, burying his head into the soft orange hair of his mate as he murmured the last of his confession.

"I had to watch my entire family get killed in front of me Ichigo, and I was completely helpless to protect them. So now you know why I'm reluctant to give it another try, especially with a mate who is half shinigami."

Ichigo merely nodded, his grip tightening slightly on the arrancar.

"It's ok Grimmjow, it's over now. We are gonna be ok. I'm here now, and I won't leave you."

Grimmjow shook lightly in the shinigami's embrace before going limp in his lover's arms. This time, he actually believed him.
.

.*.*.*.*

.

A few months later Ichigo's words were put to the test as Grimmjow fell pregnant with what was technically his second litter.

And as true to his word, Ichigo was right here with him every steps of the way.