Chapter Twenty-Nine: Burn, Baby, Burn
Kate
Run. Run. As fast as you can, you can't catch me – I'm the gingerbread man.
That's always been Dessie's favorite song. She likes to taunt people with.
Oh God, Dessie.
I run from the baker and I run from his wife – you'll never catch me, not any of you.
Oh Jashin, Dessie.
Run. Run. As fast as you can, you can't catch me – I'm the gingerbread man.
Oh Warg, Dessie.
The last thing I remember is blood. Lots of it. As the man in black sliced poor Elise to shreds. And Dessie's expression of mild horror as Durman knocked her unconscious. He picked up her fallen body as if it were made of feathers and carried her off into the rainy forest.
I don't remember much after that.
But when I awoke, I was alone. The rains had stopped and the sun had risen. It was just me alone in the cave… and Elise's blood-stained remains. I might have cried. I'm not sure. I didn't bother to bury her. I just ran… and ran… and ran. Like that gingerbread man. I now understand why Dessie loves him so much. That gingerbread man has wise words.
The tears were flowing now. As I fled wildly through the forest. The trees – with their sharp branches – snatched at my clothes and skin. Nipping and drawing blood. I barely noticed.
"Help!" I cried. "Someone! Help! Please! Anyone!" The last word came out as a croak. "Help!"
Now, before you get depressed and think Poor Kate, She's Going to Die Out There All Alone In The Wilderness – I assure you, I live. …You were all worried about that, right?
Anyways, I'm going to pretend you were and then kindly explain to you that I was not alone for long. You see, the Akatsuki, by some miracle that I suspect involved blackmail, death threats, and violent fights, had been looking for me. And, on his flying explosive bird, Deidara found me.
"Look what the cat dragged in, uhn."
Through my tears, I gazed upwards to see the vast bird drift to the ground and settle on the forest floor beside me. Standing on the back of his bird with a permanent scowl on his face, Deidara regarded me carefully.
I blinked.
"You know," said Deidara. "I'm only doing this to win bonus points with Hannah."
I blinked.
"Close your mouth, you look like an idiot, uhn."
"Deidara…" I whispered. "What are you doing here?"
He scoffed. "Kisame threatened to chop all our balls off if we didn't find you."
I smiled. "He's a wonderful boyfriend, isn't he?"
"Yeah, yeah. Only half of us are looking for you. The other half is looking for Dessie, uhn."
"She's with the Ikustaka again," I murmured.
"Again, uhn?'
"We escaped," I explained. "But they found us again. And Durman won't let his 'fiancée' go."
"Uhn."
We stood there awkwardly. I wiped away my remained tears and presented Deidara a weak smile. He continued scowling, but extended a hand in my direction, offering to help me up onto the bird. Relieved, I accepted his invitation and let him lift me upwards – and then drop me.
I landed with a splat on the muddy forest floor.
"What was that for!" I cried.
"Like hell I'd help you," said Deidara. "Your bitchy boyfriend had me searching for you all through the shitty storm, uhn."
"So you drop me in a mud puddle!" I wailed.
"You don't have a giant spiky sword strapped to your back, uhn."
I glared.
Deidara stared back impassively.
Finally, with a heavy sigh, I got to my feet and scampered onto the back of his bird. I knew better than to stand up and cling onto him. Instead, I sprawled out on the birds back and dug my fingernails into the clay. I felt the birds wings flap beneath me and, before I was mentally prepared, the ground left us behind.
"DEIDARA!" I wailed. "YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME!"
He let out a maniacal laugh. "No, duh, bitch – uhn!"
I don't know how long we were up in the air, or how long we traveled. I clung onto the bird for dear life and prayed to whatever god might be listening that we would land safely. Thankfully, we did. With a dull thud, the clay bird nestled onto the ground and Deidara lightly leapt from its back. I remained with my face buried in the clay, breathing heavy sighs of relief (I don't like flying…)
"You're back."
"With a present, uhn."
I stiffened at the all too familiar voice and, slowly, raised my head from the back of the bird. Over its wing, I could see the wide-eyed expression plastered all over that lovable blue face.
I opened my mouth, but, unable to find the right words, I shut it again.
He, on the other hand, had nothing but things to say.
"Kate! Kate! Kate!" he cried, covering the ground between us in a matter of seconds and, leaping up on the back of the bird, he swept me up into his arms in a gigantic bear hug. "I missed you so much! There was no one to fool around with when I got bored! Ah! You have no idea how much I missed you! And – oh my Jashin-Warg-God – Hidan and Dessie hooked up! They even almost had a proper relationship for a day! You would have loved it! Why weren't you there? Kate? Why weren't you there? It was so lonely and boring without you! Leader's never separating us again, you hear me? Never!"
"Kisame…" I gasped. "You're… suffocating…"
He stopped his fawning and stared down at my face, which was slowly turning a deep shade of purple.
"Oh. Oops."
He set me down gently and stood in front of me, practically hopping from side to side with glee.
I smiled up at him. "I missed you too…"
"I'm surprised he didn't kill you with that welcome, uhn," observed Deidara.
"He didn't kill her?" A certain dislikeable red head materialized at Deidara's shoulder, staring at me stiffly.
Kisame glanced over his shoulder, caught sight of Sasori, and let out a low, menacing growl. Sasori stared back, as if completely unaffected by Kisame's animalistic glowering.
I took the opportunity to glance around. Deidara's bird had landed in some sort of courtyard where the ground was made of padded dirt and it was surrounded by stone walls on three sides, the fourth was lined with empty stables. Beyond the walls was the scenery of an old time town, similar to Ahonok, but different at the same time.
"Where are we?" I asked.
"Elberi," replied a voice from beneath me. I glanced over the side of the bird and saw that half of Zetsu was sticking out of the ground. Through the leaves of his Venus flytrap, he was grinning up at me hungrily.
"Er, hi, Zetsu," I murmured. "Long time no see."
"We almost missed you."
"Oh…"
My eyes shifted unconsciously to Kisame, who was still glaring daggers at Sasori. I reached out a hand and lightly tugged the sleeve of Kisame's shirt.
"Where is everyone?" I asked.
"Dessie's been kidnapped," explained Kisame. "Konan, Hidan, Hannah, Itachi, C-Itachi, and Kakuzu all went looking for her."
"I met her," I said, a frown flickering across my face. "She was doubly kidnapped by the Ikustaka."
Deidara snorted. "She needs to get out of that stupid habit of being kidnapped."
"I don't even know why people target her," said Kisame. "It's not like she's the most pleasant captive." He grinned demonically at me. "If anything I'd kidnap Kate – she's quite and cute and very willing."
A warm blush covered my face.
"Imagine I'm vomiting my guts out, uhn," said Deidara loudly.
"We might join you," muttered Zetsu.
I gasped. "What's this? What's happened while I was away? Deidara and Zetsu are actually agreeing on something!"
"That just goes to show how unbearable your relationship is," muttered Deidara.
"You're just jealous that Hannah never looks at you like that," said Kisame proudly.
Deidara mimed vomiting.
In celebration of my return, Kisame decided we should all go out for sake (chances are he was planning to go out for sake anyways and I was just a bonus excuse). Leader, Deidara, Sasori, Tobi, Zetsu, Kisame and I crowded around a table in the local bar and summoned the first round of drinks.
Leader looked at his bottle suspiciously before taking a tentative sip. Then, determining that it wasn't poisoned, he downed the rest in one go. Zetsu drank with a similar enthusiasm, holding one drink in each hand (I didn't know he had hands) and taking turns chugging from each one. I don't know how Tobi managed to do it since I didn't see a single bottle of sake approach his face, but somehow he ended up completely drunk within the first five minutes. Deidara, being the lightweight that he is, was the second to get wasted. He slouched over his seat and gave slurred lectures to Sasori about how explosions were better than puppets. Kisame, who was no stranger to drinking, gulped down bottle after bottle, at first seeming completely unaffected, but soon his movements became sloppy and he seemed groggy. I saw next to him, slowly sipping my own sake.
"You're a horrible drunk," Kisame told Deidara cheerfully. "You're as drunk as a skunk."
"Shut up," said Deidara. "You're even more wasted than me."
"Lies," said Kisame. "At least I can still spell my own name. K-I-S-M-E."
"Idiot," slurred Deidara as he pointed a shaky hand in the general direction of Kisame's forehead. "You spell it K-I-S-A-M-E and I'm D-E-I-D-A-R-A."
"You know," I said. "For a drunkard, Deidara's pretty smart."
"Whose side are you on?" asked Kisame.
"Yours!" I cried.
"She's on my side," said Deidara proudly. "Everyone's on my side – because no one cares about a big, fat, blue beast like you."
Kisame's right eyebrow twitched. "What did you just say?"
"Big. Fat. Blue. Beast."
Kisame leapt across the table and tried to straggled Deidara to death. (Un)fortunately, Deidara ducked Kisame's gasp and then proceeded to try and kill Kisame.
"Should we try and stop them?" I asked tentatively.
"Nah," said Zetsu. "If we're lucky Kisame will kill Deidara and the new can have Hannah all to ourselves."
"Oh… right…"
"We're hungry," said Zetsu suddenly. "We're going to find someone to eat. Tell us if Deidara dies so we can eat his remains."
I blinked and decided it was better not to justify that with a response. So I just watched at Zetsu melted into the seat and disappeared. He was funny like that.
The table was practically empty now. Leader had gone off in search of some new bodies and Tobi had followed some "white bunny" out of the bar and Warg/Jashin/God knows where he disappeared to. And now that Kisame and Deidara were trying to behead each other, I was left sitting awkwardly at the table with Sasori.
"Hi," I said. "What's up?"
Sasori stared.
"Aren't you going to drink anything?" I asked.
"I have better things to do than drink."
"Oh... Like what?"
"Make puppets."
"Oh… That's an interesting hobby."
'It's not a hobby."
I nodded nervously. "Then what is it?"
"Murder."
My heart dropped out of my chest and landed with a squish on the floor (not literally). A shiver ran down my spine as I stared at Sasori's impassive face. In a squeaky voice, I said, "That was a joke… right?"
"No. Everyone should be puppets. Puppets are good. People are bad. The world would be a much better place if everyone was an emotionless puppet." Sasori spoke as if he was explaining things to a child.
"Puppets?" I repeated blandly. "Why puppets?"
"Why not puppets?"
"Er…" I glanced around for an escape route and, thankfully, my eyes fell upon the bathroom signs. I bolted to my feet and said, "Toilet," before fleeing across the room, trying to get as far from Sasori as possible.
That guy is crazy, I thought as I wove my way through the crowded bar. Absolutely insane. Even crazier than Zetsu or Hidan or Kakuzu.
WHAM!
Lost in my thoughts, I accidentally walked straight into the chest of some guy. I took a step back and, peering at his face, I said, "Sorry."
The guy grinned – he had the most charming smile – and said, "No problem."
I stared.
"Um… Can I help you?" asked the guy awkwardly.
A deep, red blush covered my cheeks and I looked down at my sneakers, scuffing the ground awkwardly. He was really cute. Golden curls, bright blue eyes, and a winning smile – he was so adorable!
"No… I… You… Hi." My face was so red and I couldn't even spit out coherent sentences – I must look like an idiot!
The guy laughed (such a cute laugh). "Hi. I'm Hotaru." He held out a hand in greeting.
Trembling slightly, I took his hand. "K-Kate."
"Nice to meet you, Kate."
All I could manage in response was "Mm."
"So," said Hotaru. "You come here often?"
I giggled, trying to push the blush away from my face. "No. I'm from… out of town."
"Me too," said Hotaru with his award-winning smile.
"Oh. Where… are you from?"
"Somewhere."
A smile flashed across my face. "Me too."
He laughed, and I felt a glowing pride grow within my chest. I had managed to make him laugh – accomplishment!
"What bring you to Elberi?"
"Um… visiting…" I said softly. "You?"
"I–"
Hotaru never finished his sentence because, at that moment, a cubby, middle-aged man accidentally bumped into Hotaru and spilt his sake all over the left side of Hotaru's shirt.
"Sorry," said the man.
And then Hotaru set the man on fire.
And I mean threw.
Before anyone really knew what was happening, Hotaru punched the man in the guy and flames ignited the man's shirt where Hotaru's fist had just been. The man screamed in agony.
"Help me! Help me!" cried the man, batting his stomach and trying to dash out the flames.
"You brought this upon yourself," said Hotaru. "You spilled damn sake on my shirt. Do you know how much this damn thing costs! More than your fucking life, I can tell you that!" Hotaru laughed maniacally. "Burn, Baby, burn!"
The man screamed as the flames ate him alive.
I stared.
I don't think I like Hotaru very much anymore.
A/N: Poor Kate, she has almost no skill in picking guys. Sorry, I haven't updated in two weeks - they have been hell weeks. But guess what! MARDI GRAS BREAK IS HERE! Party it up! hahaha and write. I promise I'll write. So, the sooner you review, the sooner I'll update. Also, check out my profile to see all the AMAZING FANART people have drawn. Do it. You know you want to. It's just a click away...
Review, or Hotaru will find you. (Need I say more?)
